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As we walked down the block I held Gerard's hand. Swinging it slightly. We were trailing behind Ray. I think he might have wanted to meet up with Sara, before the next class... Either that or Gerard and I were just walking too slow from being stoned...

"So, Jessica seemed... nice." I say choosing my words carefully.

"What?" He said running his hand through his hair a little.

"Jessica." I repeat looking at his face for any sign that he still might have feelings for her.

He scoffed a little at me. "Why did you tell her to sit with us Elle?" He asks me. What the fuck am I suppose to say! That I didn't know who she was?

"I didn't think you'd have a problem with it." I said truthfully. "I mean do you Gerard?" I ask him as I stop walking.

He pulls me a little. "We're gonna be late." He laughs a little, not answering me.

"If I knew you still had feelings for her I wouldn't have asked her to stay." I say biting my lip a little.

He laughs. "I don't have feelings for her Elle!" He says squeezing my hand.

"Well you never really told me about her." I say as we walk into the school.

"There's nothing to tell Elle." He's says sounding like Mikey. I roll my eyes a little. He sighs. "Trust me baby. You're the only one in my heart." He says kissing my cheek as we stop in front of my English classroom.

"I know Gerard." I sigh a little.

"Look we'll talk about it later if it makes you feel better okay?" He says lifting my chin a little.

"Fine." I sigh as he walks away. I go inside and sit down next to Jeff. I don't know why this was bothering me so much.

I mean of course Gerard was with other girls. I'm sure he's dated lots of girls... But there was something about her I just didn't like... What was with her whole are you a cheerleader comment? Do I look like a cheerleader? What's wrong with cheerleaders anyway?

I look over at Jeff sitting next to me and have a massive flashback. Jeff was in my Spanish class last year. I'm sure of it! I distinctly remember sitting in the back in between Jeff and Greg Billows. He graduated last year...

Hmmm.... Jessica sat in front of him... That's right I remember her. But her hair use to be darker, I guess she's been hitting the peroxide a little hard lately...Fuck.. she was a freshman. And Greg use to tease her,- a lot.. Fuck.... I kinda remember a little bit. I think Gerard use to come meet her after class. Yeah he did cause it was the last period and he use to always be waiting in the doorway when we walked out. He use to hold it open like all the time but he never said anything...

I bet that's when he started going out with her...Why else would he come by the class Elle? Fuck you're so stupid sometimes.

"Elle" Jeff says loudly interrupting my memories. I look up and he's holding somekinda paper the teacher was passing out.

Fuck. I've really got to try to focus here. I'm not doing so well. The only class I'm passing is gym and that's cause Bob is covering for me. Every week they make you do a physical fitness kinda test with your partner. You know how many sit-ups you can do in 60 seconds and crap like that. How many can I do -try none. Bob puts me down for forty-two. One day they're gonna fucking ask us to prove it and then what? My mind was wandering again.

Focus Elle... I squint and tried my hardest to follow what was going on in class but it was hard. My mind kept wandering back to Jessica. I wonder if he ever told her he loved her? Fuck. I wonder if they ever slept together?
I'm just gonna ask him, I thought to myself as I headed to the art room. What could he say yes? That he loved her? Oh I would die! No... I'm not gonna ask him. Its better I don't know. Isn't it? Fuck...

I sit down in class next to him more confused then I've ever been. I decide to go with a passive approach. You know instead of just being blunt and direct like I usually am. I didn't want to come off all jealous and psychotic sooo....

We were supposed to be drawing some kinda emotion this week. I swear Miss Lee is nuts. How the fuck do you draw an emotion? Well at least were not being graded on skill. I think I'm passing this class too actually... Were supposed to be using these colored creamy stick things. My canvas is still blank. Since Gerard wasn't in class Monday I didn't do anything. Tuesday I ditched and yesterday I sat and watched him work on his. It was quite good. Swirls of color blended together.

"Come on Elle." He nudged me a little. "you gotta put something on there." He tells me nodding towards my canvas. He's been working on his picture so hard and I've done shit.

"Why?" I protest.

"Cause its blank!" he laughs.

"I kinda like it blank." I say running my hand along it. "Its emotion-less." I say spacing out a little.

"What is it with you and white screens?" He laughs a little and I smile.

He picks up the blue and holds it up to his canvas but then puts it back suddenly and takes the red instead. "You don't like the blue anymore?" I say watching him. He shrugs a little. "Well you liked the blue yesterday." I say. The blue is Jessica. In my mind at least. "I mean can you really just put the blue down and not miss it?" I ask him.

"Huh?" He says focused on his canvas.

"Didn't you love the blue yesterday!" I tell him. He looks at me a little funny.

"That was yesterday Elle." He says, "Now I'm using the red." He tells me holding the red up. Holy shit -The red is me...

"You're "using" the red." I say a little annoyed. He made a face. "What happens when you're done using the red Gerard!" I say getting a little upset. "You're gonna move on to the green... just leave the red behind then!"

"I don't want any green in the picture." He says a little confused. "Just red and blue." He tells me.

"So you still like the blue!" I say a little hurt. He just looked at me. "Well do you love the blue Gerard." I demand.

"Elle what the fuck are you talking about?" He says tossing the red back onto the tray. I sigh a little frustrated.

"Just forget it." I tell him shaking my head a little. I pick up the red and draw a straight steady line across my canvas.
"There I'm done." I tell him frowning a little.

"You gotta put something more." He says leaning over looking at it and smiling a little.

"Why?" I ask him.

"Well, what is it Elle?" He says making a face.

"hmm?" I reply.

"What emotion is that?" He asks me.

"Pain." I say bluntly. "Its the slow steady pain that I feel in my heart all the time... That's what it looks like." I tell him as Ms. Lee comes up behind us.

"Oh my that's fantastic!" She says loudly. I assume she's talking about Gerard's. She's always talking about Gerard's work...I step back a little.

"Would you mind if I hung it up?" She says placing her finger on her lip lightly.

"Um. I'm not really finished with it yet." Gerard tells her a little confused.

"No dear I was talking to Elle." She tells him and looks over at me.

"Mine?" I gasp. "You wanna hang mine!" I say in total disbelief. She nods. "Um okay." I tell her as she walks off with my canvas.

Gerard shook his head a little in shock. "Whoa." he mumbles to himself.

"What's the matter Gerard." I tease him. "Are you jealous?"

He laughs a little. "Naw baby." He says picking up the red, blending some around the edges.

"You need help?" I say smiling a little. He shakes his head no. "Come on. I can help, I AM an artist now you know." I tease leaning against him a little.

"Yeah." He laughs a little.

"Well what emotion is that?" I say pointing at his canvas as he looks over at Ms Lee trying to hang my picture on her wall that's usually reserved for the best pictures in class.

He smiles at me shaking his head a little. "Confusion...Pure and total confusion baby!"