FicWad

I come out of the guidance office and see Gerard and Ray at the end of the hall. Waiting by the door. As I walked towards them Ray yells out at me. "Don't tell me they're gonna let you take the test again!"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Mr. S said he'd talk to him."

"Mr. S?" Gerard says frowning a little.

"Mr. Samuel." I clarify as we walk outside.

"You went to see him again Elle?" Gerard says still frowning as we make our way through the gate.

"Well yeah." I say a little confused. "I mean I didn't 'go' to see him. I just ended up there somehow." I tell Gerard watching him light his cigarette up. He seemed a little tense. He took a hard drag from his cigarette looking over at me. "Do you have a problem with Mr. S or something?" I ask him biting my lip a little.

He face softened a little. "Naw Elle." He says as he exhales the smoke slowly.

"Gerard if you have something to say about him then just fucking say it." I tell him. I'm not in the mood for this today. My headache is starting to come back...

"All right I think that maybe." He says and I can see him tensing up again.

"Maybe what?" I sigh. Its not gonna be good. I can tell...

"It just seems like he may be taking an 'interest' in you and I don't like it." He says emphasizing the word interest.

"Interest?" I laugh a little and look over at Ray. He shrugs. What the fuck? Don't tell me he agrees with him! "Oh give me a fucking break!" I moan at both of them. "He's just being concerned. That's his fucking job you know!" I laugh.

"Elle seriously" Ray tells me shaking his head a little. "How many kids go to our fucking school?"

"Umm maybe like a hundred and seventy-five?" I say thinking a little.

Ray rolls his eyes. "It's a lot more than that Elle."

"Well I'm not good with numbers like that." I pout a little.

"I'm just saying that I've only been to the guidance office one time this year." Ray says looking down at me.

"To see Mr. S?" I ask. Ray nods.

"Yeah about my grades Elle. And that was it. He wasn't 'concerned' about me at all." He says frowning slightly. I look over at Gerard. He doesn't say anything, just takes another slow drag. I reach over and take the cigarette from him.

"Well maybe he doesn't like you." I tease Ray waving the cigarette at him.

"Maybe he likes you too fucking much." Gerard grumbles.

"Its just cause he knew my mom." I sigh finishing the cigarette and flicking it into the road. "That's all! You guys are just fucking being..." I just looked at them not sure of what to say. I mean the thought of Mr. S. It was just so ridiculous. Gerard reached over and took my hand in his and squeezed it a little. Ray shrugged and looked down as we walked. We were halfway down the block now.

"Elle I just don't want you to-" Gerard started to say.

"Oh Gerard I forgot to tell you!" I interrupt him.

"About what?" He says a little annoyed that he didn't get to say whatever it is he wanted to say.

"About last night." I say slowing down a little. We were almost at my house now.

"What happened last night Elle?" Gerard sighs a little impatiently.

"Well I told you that Lia and I made jello shots right?" I say and he nods. "well she was pretty drunk Gerard." I say and he shrugs. He could really give two fucks about Lia, I know... "Well we got into bed and she started saying all this crap about wanting to do something and then she kissed me." I say and Ray snickers a little. Gerard just looked at me blankly. "I mean its not like I never kissed her before but this was..." I paused to think of how exactly to describe it. "mmm, different." I say.

"Well what did you do?" Gerard says continuing to stare at me blankly.

"Huh?" I reply.

"When she kissed you what did you do?" He repeats.

"I didn't do anything!" I exclaim. "and then you called and she got up and left and then I fell asleep." I say and Gerard looks over at Ray. Ray is trying not to smile. "I mean I figure she must've been really upset about breaking up with Bob to do something like that right?" I say to them and neither one of them answers. "I mean she wouldn't have done it if she wasn't totally drunk right?" I ask Ray. They dated. He should know how she gets...

"Yeah that's um right. I guess," Ray shrugs looking at me funny.

"Ray." Gerard protests.

"No she is right... Lia would've never tried something like that on Elle unless she was wasted." Ray says to him.

"What do you mean - on me?" I say making a face.

"Elle you do know Lia is bi." Gerard says plainly.

"Bi-sexual?" I gasp.

"No Bi-polar!" Ray laughs.

"Yeah I think she may be that too!" Gerard says and they both laugh. I just stood there dumbfounded.

"Lia is NOT bi-sexual." I say shaking my head at them. Ray nods. "I think I would've noticed that!- she is my best friend you know" I yell a little as he continues to nod. "No that's just not true!" I say getting a little upset.

"Elle." Gerard says sighing a little wrapping his arm around me. "Its true baby trust me." He says softly.

"Why wouldn't she fucking tell me!" I say trying not to cry. "I mean she's suppose to be my best friend, How could she keep that from me!" I say biting down on my lip again.

"How could you not have fucking noticed." Gerard laughs a little. I push him off me.

"That's not funny Gerard." I say to him. "I mean Lia obviously needed me and I wasn't there. All this time. I mean I could've helped her."

"Helped her what Elle? Decide?" He says pulling me back towards him. "She's made her decision. She's moving in with Crystal. I think that makes it pretty clear what side she's on." He says squeezing me a little.

"I could've helped her sort through things. I mean all the times we talked about you or Bob." I say to Ray. "It never came up... not ever..." I sigh.

"She didn't want to bother you with her problems." Ray says softly.

"What?" I gasp.

"She said" He says a little louder. "That she didn't want to worry you with her problems since you had so much going on already." Ray says sighing a little. I frown. "I guess she thought that you'd figure it out." He says running his hand through his afro.

I unlocked the door and we went inside. I called Lia's name but she didn't answer. Ray found a note on the table. Apparently Lia took my bankcard and went out to buy snacks for the party. She's avoiding me. It's obvious now. I mean I can't remember the last time she got up at 7 in the morning to shower. She didn't want to see me... She must hate me...

Ray went to the kitchen to see if he could find something for us to eat for lunch. I went into my room to change. Gerard was right behind me.

"This is not a fucking peep show." I snap at him opening my drawer up and pulling out a bra.

"I'm sorry, Elle." He said taking a step back. I hurt his feelings. I didn't mean to...

"No I'm sorry." I sigh. "Its just." I shrug and he hugs me. "I don't understand Gerard." I say pressing my face into his chest. "I'm the worst friend ever...She must hate me now." I mumble.

"Naw baby. She loves you... that's the problem." He says sliding Pauls jacket off me. "You'll work it out with her Elle." He says lifting my chin up. "Don't worry so much about it okay." He says looking into my eyes and smiling. I shut my eyes and try to clear my mind. I feel Gerard's lips pressing softly on mine for a moment and then they were gone. I open my eyes and he's taking a step back. "Get changed I'll be in the kitchen waiting." He says walking out and leaving me alone with my thoughts...

I open my closet and pull out a clean shirt. I take the metal brace thing off my arm and toss it to the floor. I figure I don't need it. I mean the stitches are absolutely horrifying to me. I have to rinse them in the morning with some bottle of hydrogen peroxide or some shit the nurse gave me. I have my arm wrapped loosely in gauze even though I don't need to. I just can't stand looking at it.

Maybe Lia was right not to tell me... How could I think I could help her? I can't even help myself sometimes... I stared down at the mess I made of my arm... She's always been there to help me... Fuck I could've bleed to death if it wasn't for her...

Aw. Pull it together Elle... I take a deep breath and change my clothes and go into the kitchen. Ray had made us some sandwiches. They were pretty good too. When we left to go back to school Lia still wasn't back yet. She was definitely avoiding me. I have to talk to her... Maybe I should talk to Bob first... Find out exactly what happened. What she said to him... If she ever said anything about me... I can't lose her. She's the only friend I've got...

I go into English class and try to give Jeff Pauls fucking jacket back. He won't take it from me... He says I should return it to him myself. What an ass. I should just fucking toss it out the window but... I mean Paul was nice in lending it to me and all. No matter what his motive actually was...

I walk into art class still holding Pauls jacket and Gerard frowns. "I thought you were gonna give that back to Jeff." He grumbles as I hang it on the back of my chair.

"Jeff wouldn't take it." I say and then explain what Jeff said.

"So what you're just gonna keep it now?" Gerard scoffs at it. I smiled. That's how I thought he was gonna react in the morning.

"Aww, so you do care." I say softly. He rolls his eyes a little.

"Of course I care Elle." He says running his hands through his hair. "He's gonna fucking make it so you have to chase him around trying to give it back." Gerard says frowning. I smile.

"Ill just bring it by his house then." I say shrugging.

"Elle!" he kinda yells at me.

"I have to go pick up Marie" I say yawning a little. "She um lives near him. I'll just leave the coat at his house and that'll be it. Over... okay." I say yawning again.

"You're picking up Marie?" He says lowering his voice slightly and looking over at her across the room.

"Yeah she's coming over tonight too." I say leaning my head forward on the table. I'm so fucking tired. I don't think I'm even gonna be able to stay up tonight...

"Did you tell Mikey?" I hear Gerard say softly and I lift my head up quickly.

"He likes her back right?" I say a little excitedly. Gerard looks away. "Aww. I knew it!" I laugh.

"Elle- don't fucking say anything to her." Gerard tells me and I smile. "I mean it." He waves his finger at me. "Don't fucking get involved." He tells me and I shrug and put my head back down.

I knew Mikey and Marie were a good match. But fuck what do I know. I thought Lia and Bob were a good match... Fuck...

Since I already finished my project I sat and watched Gerard finish his. Miss Lee said she didn't mind if I didn't do anything since my project was complete but she couldn't have me sleeping on the desk, so whatever... It was over quick enough.

Gerard was walking me towards the gym. Like he does everyday. I so did not want to go either. I mean I'm so tired and now that Jessica's in my class its like she's fucking watching me... Two faced bitch. I don't think I have the energy to deal with her... Wondering what she really means when she says something nice to me. Biting my tongue and not cursing her out was getting to be too hard...

Gerard and I were talking about what time everyone should come over tonight when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look over. It's Mr. Samuel.

"Elle dear - can we finish up from this morning now." He says to me with his hand on my shoulder still. Gerard is staring at Mr. S's hand on my shoulder. And I mean staring. I take a step to the side and pull away from his hand casually.

"Right now?" I say shifting my bag on my shoulder slightly. Gerard was still just looking at him- looking at me and not saying anything.

"Well I know you don't like Gym class." Mr. S smiles a little. "So I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind missing it." He says and then looks over at Gerard.

"No I don't mind!" I exclaim. Gerard tries not to frown. "Umm I'll meet you in your office? In a few minutes is that okay? I just wanna stop in the bathroom" I say to Mr. S.

"No that's fine." He says and nods goodbye to Gerard and turns around and walks back down the hall.

"Elle." Gerard says and shakes his head at me a little as the bell rang.

"Come on I don't want you to be late." I say pushing him a little.

"Where you going?" He says resisting a little.

"I just said to the bathroom." I laugh.

"And then to his office again?" He says frowning.

"I'm helping him with something." I moan. Gerard raises an eyebrow at me. "Come on you're gonna be late." I moan pushing him again. "Please Gerard." I beg. "I'll tell you about it later." I say and he sighs and kisses my cheek and turns down the hall as the bell rings. He's fucking late now...

I stop in the bathroom and dig through my purse. I have to have something in here to get me through the rest of the day... I'm so fucking beat... The stall door behind me opens and Kristen D. walks out. She smiles at me as she starts washing her hands.

"You okay?" She says watching me tear through my bag.

"Yeah I'm just looking for... something..." I say looking up at our reflections in the mirror. Kris is pretty cool. She's actually friends with Crystal and Brian...

"Ohhh." She says smiling a little; she knew what I was looking for...

"This is fucking unbelievable." I say tossing my hands in the air. "I don't have anything... I mean nothing..." I mumble to myself. I see her looking at me. "I just need something to get me through the rest of the day." I sigh looking over at her.

"Aw Elle this is the last class." She laughs. "The days over." She says peeking under the stall doors making sure we were alone.

"You know what I'm saying Kris!" I laugh.

"Here." She says opening her purse and pulling out a prescription bottle. She hands me a small white pill. I pop it in my mouth quickly.

"I'd ask you what it is but I don't really care!" I laugh swallowing it. "I owe you one Kris." I tell her examining my eyes in the mirror.

"No forget it Elle." She smiles. "All the times you've bailed me out." She says closing her bag up. "Hey tell Lia I said hi!" She calls out as she leaves. Oh Lia, Lia, Lia. ... What am I gonna do with you...


I make my way into Mr. S's office. I can feel the pill taking effect. Everything seemed to be moving slower...
"Elle." He says my name. And he smiles at me. It seemed so surreal. I was starting to think maybe I should've asked Kris what it was she gave me... I've never felt like this before...

I sat down in the chair across from Mr. S with out saying anything. He didn't seem to notice.

"So ummm." He says exhaling softly picking up his pencil. "We left off ummm." He looks over his folder and licks his bottom lip lightly and looks up at me. Holy shit! Is Gerard right? Is he gonna try something?? I suddenly felt trapped in this small room with him. I look around and shift in my chair a little. No it's just fucking what ever the hell Kris gave me... Its gotta be .I feel myself spacing out... "..kiss.." I hear Mr. S say and I snap out of it.

"What?" I gasp a little. Did he just ask for a kiss?

"You were telling me about a kiss with a friend of yours." He says leaning back in his chair looking me over. "You okay Elle?" He says a little concerned. It took me a moment to remember what the hell he was talking about.

"Oh yeah. That's um. I sorted all that out already." I say to him. He looks back down at his folder and then at me.

"Well great then tell me about it." He says tapping his pencil against the folder.

"Well I decided that it doesn't matter, she's my friend no matter what." I try to tell him.

"I'm sorry did you say 'she'?" Mr. S says leaning forward towards me. I lean back a little.

"Uh yeah." I say and he drops his pencil on the desk.

"Oh... I was not ... I." He shook his head a little and picked it up. "I wasn't expecting that Elle, I'm sorry." He says looking me over again. What the fuck? This cant all be in my imagination can it? His eyes seemed to have paused on my chest for moment before he looked away. I take Pauls jacket from off the back of my chair and put it on quickly. Mr. S doesn't say anything.

"You're sorry?" I say pulling the coat around me tightly.

"So your friend is... um" He sighs looking for the right word.

"Apparently she's bi-sexual and every knew but me." I tell him biting my lip a little.

"And you think you may be too?" He says seriously.

"What?!" I exclaim. "No I mean I'm not fucking bi-sexual." I tell him loudly. He doesn't say anything. I start to panic.

"You think cause I kissed her that makes me gay?" I say loudly.

"Elle, I cant say what you are." He tells me scribbling again. "That's for you to decide." He tells me.

"I have a boyfriend." I say and he looks at Pauls jacket. "I told you I'm not with him anymore." I say a little exasperated.

Mr. S leans back a little ' Well um did you ever consider that maybe you're having such a hard time with him and this other fellow because-"

"I'm not gay!" I say shaking my head at him. "And I'm not having a hard time with Gerard. He's the only thing I have that's right...It was only a kiss. I wasn't even into it. I know I'm not gay Mr. S.." I say feeling a little nauseous. I rubbed my eyes a little.

"And that was the only time that you've ever?" He says scribbling a little.

"No I mean I kissed her plenty of times, that's how I know I'm not gay." I tell him. He shakes his head at my logic.

"These were intimate kisses?" He says looking me over again as he leant forward.

"What?" I say leaning back into my chair.

"Well describe them to me." He says.

"What?" I say confused.

"Well what kinda kisses are we talking about Elle." He says creeping me out a little. "Tell me." He says in a tone I never heard him use before. All the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. "I mean were you touching her or was it more-"

I jumped up. "I think I'm gonna be sick!" I cry out. He stood up and said something. I didn't hear what... I ran out of his office into the bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

I don't know why I'm still getting sick...I know I'm not pregnant... Fuck...I think I threw up most of the pill Kris gave me.

I was kinda glad. It was freaking me out...

There was only a few more minutes until the bell rang. I hid out in the bathroom until it did. I was so scared Mr. S was gonna be out side of the door waiting for me but he wasn't... Fuck. I don't know why I was freaking out. No I do know why. Fucking Ray and Gerard put that thought into my head. That Mr. S was up to no good. Got me imagining all sorts of shit...

I took a deep breath and ran down the hall and smacked right into Bob. I guess he could tell I was freaked out cause he grabbed me and lifted my chin and was staring into my eyes saying something about me looking pale. I couldn't quite make out what. I was in such a daze... And then just like that. Bam. Everything was clear again.

"I'm fine Bob." I say to him as he wrapped his arm around me. I wasn't sure what he was saying before but I figured it had to be something like are you okay or some crap.

"Elle." He argued squinting at my eyes again.

"I just need to take a nap, I'm not feeling so well, and I'm a little hung over still from last night I guess." I say and he doesn't say anything. As we turn the corner I see Gerard putting his books in his locker and who's standing next to him? Jessica... fuck. I stop walking abruptly.

"What's the matter?" Bob says looking over at them.

"I don't feel like dealing with her now." I sigh. "Can you just tell Gerard I'll see him later. I think we said we'd all meet at like 8. I'm not even sure anymore." I tell Bob and he just looks at me.

"Isn't he gonna walk you home?" He asks me. I shake my head no.

"Come on Bob." I beg. "I just wantta go home and take a nap, he's gotta fucking bring Frankie home anyway.." I tell him and he hesitates.

"I'll walk you home then Elle." He says and I make a face.

"You don't have to." I tell him.

"Naw, you still look a little pale honey, I better walk you." He tells me.

"I'm gotta go have a cigarette Bob." I tell him looking over at Jessica touching Gerard's arm laughing a little. I was feeling nauseous again watching her flirt with him. He didn't even look like he was trying to stop her... She reached up and tousled his hair a little. He smiled... He fucking smiled at her...

I think I'm gonna die...