Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Can't You Help Me As I'm Starting To Burn?
Brian smiled up at me, his eyes gazing into mine. We were in his room, listening to Metallica, both one of our favorite bands.
"Hey, Jen..." he spoke softly, and I was surprised when he didn't call me 'Little Sanders'. I smiled smally.
"Yeah, Syn?" I wondered what he was going to say. He glanced down, his mouth open slightly.
"Uhm..." he paused, and sighed. He glanced back up at me, his mouth still half way open. "You know that we're best friends... But uh..." his mouth stopped short, and he glanced away again.
"Brian, you can tell me." I touched one of his tatted arms, and he looked at me sadly.
"I don't want to ruin the relationship you have with Gerard..." he whispered. I frowned, and I hugged him tightly.
"Brian, you aren't going to ruin anything between me and Gerard because there isn't anything going on between us." I watched as his eyes widened.
"You're not? But then why did I hear you and Gerard...?" he trailed off, and I clenched my jaw.
"He thinks I love him. Bri, I don't and what you heard two days ago was Gerard seducing me. Never again will I let him fuck me." before I could stop the words, they came rolling out. Brian's eyes widened even more.
"Again? What do you mean by 'again'?" his curiosity made me groan. "Jenny, you can tell me anything. You know this. I'm always here for you." I sighed, closing my eyes for a minute.
"You want me to tell you?" I asked him, opening my eyes again.
"Yeah, I'd like to know what seems to be bothering you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, though." he hugged me back, his arms warm against my skin. I leaned into him, feeling his warmth.
"Brian, I'll tell you. But be warned, it's a very long and naughty story." I imagined him smile slightly, but instead he pulled me into his lap, where I rested my sad on his shoulder.
"Jenny, you can tell me..." his voice was soft and very comforting, and I knew that I'd have to start from the beginning for him to understand.
"I was 13 when I first met Gerard. Really, he was once a nice guy. I really don't know what happened to him, or how he changed, but I do remember that one day, Gerard had walked up to me and whispered seductively in my ear that he had a thing for me. I think that was when he was 19, so it was 3 years ago..."
"I didn't really like Gerard, but then he sorta grew on me, and day after day I started liking him a little more. Daddy would never approve of me dating an older guy, especially a 19 year old. I'm not sure if you knew Gerard 3 hers ago, because he was in a different band with Mikey. Jimmy had told me from the times that we've seen Gerard that Gerard wasn't normal. He told me that he was addicted to drugs, alcohol, and sex. But I hadn't believed Jimmy because Gerard had always been super nice to me..."
"He would always hug me whenever he saw me, complimenting something about me. One day he asked Daddy if we wanted to go grab some Starbucks with him, and right in front of my Daddy he had complimented the color of my eyes with a look that clearly stated he liked me. I really don't know if Daddy saw it, and if he did he wouldn't have said anything. Gerard liked me, that was for sure. He liked me so much that he took my virginity." Brian nodded, not looking at me, but holding onto me tightly.
"Is that it, Jen?" he asked, his voice somewhat dead. His muscles were tensed beyond belief.
"There's a lot more, Bri.... If you don't want to hear it..." he stopped me, putting a finger to my lips.
"No, Jen. I want to know everything. I want to know about my best friend. What happened with you and Gerard?" he was still unable to look at me, and I swallowed hard.
"Daddy wasn't home one night, neither was Jimmy, Mikey, and Tiffany. I had spent the afternoon with my boyfriend, and he had broken up with me that day. Mom's phone wasn't on, and I had no clue what happened to Jimmy and Mikey's. Tiffany's was taken away from texting too much. I was all alone in the house, and I didn't know what to do. So I called Gerard, and he had noticed something in my voice. He told me that he'd be right over, and after he hung up I ended up crying my eyes out."
"Gerard already had a key to our house, in case of an emergency. Daddy trusted him enough, and we all did except for Jimmy, Tiffany, and Mikey. Anyways, Gerard came straight up to my room, and he picked me up off the floor. He held me tightly, and I cried even more into him. 'Love, it's okay... Shh... I'm here now, I'm here...' he whispered to me, and I had finally stopped crying. He lyed us down on my bed, and he had pulled me close to him, his arm pressing me against him." I glanced up at Brian, afraid of adding in any details. He looked up at me, his eyes confused.
"Are you going to continue? That doesn't sound like the end of that story." he answered, and I nodded. "Tell me everything, Little Sanders..." he whispered, and again I nodded.
"He knew the things that made me crazy. And he used them to get me horny. I couldn't help it, and I knew that what he was going to do to me was horribly wrong. I hadn't really known all that much about sex, and he told me that it was a very pleasuring feeling. I had remembered what Jimmy said, about Gerard being a man that only wanted sex, drugs, and alcohol. I tried to get away from Gerard when he took off my shirt, and he pinned me down, using his legs... He took off his own shirt, and he went to unlatch my bra. He smirked when he rubbed me, and I'm thinking he knew that no matter what I would enjoy everything he did." I stopped there, looking at Brian.
"He raped you, didn't he?" Brian lifted his eyebrows, and I nodded slowly.
"He can't hurt me now, I'm fine." he didn't seem to be buying it at all.
"No, Jen. You don't understand... When you and Gerard were upstairs, was he raping you?" I opened my mouth to say something, but the words got caught in my throat.
"He, uhh..." I tried to think of an excuse. I knew that I was failing epically.
"Don't lie, Jen. This is serious shit. Was he raping you when you were going to go to sleep and he stayed behind?" Brian's muscles were still clenched, and I sighed.
"He wanted to fuck me, Syn. And he did, except that he didn't get very far because Toro stopped him. Gerard had heard him coming up the stairs, and stopped and then acted as if nothing had happened. He's known me for 3 years, Brian. And he still knows me, the things that will make me cry and scream out in pleasure. He's always so hard, gripping too tightly... I'm scared that one day he'll kill me." I hadn't realized that I was crying until after Brian wiped my tears away.
"He can't hurt you, not after Shads, Jimmy, and I are through with him." he spoke with satisfaction, and I panicked.
"No! No, you can't tell them, Brian! Please, God, don't tell them a thing!" I started to cry again, and Brian gave me a worried look.
"But if I tell them, Gerard's ass will get thrown in jail." his face stated the obvious- he didn't like Gerard one bit.
"B-But if he's thrown in jail, and you told them, I wouldn't be able to watch My Chem perform! You know Dad!" Brian's' eyes held something in them that looked like hurt and sadness.
"You're into that Frank guy, aren't you?" he asked me slowly. I nodded.
"He's nice. And cute, plus he's short like me. His eyes are amazing. And he's so energetic onstage and offstage." I felt awkward talking about the guy that I liked to my best guy friend, but I could only tell him the truth.
"Oh... Didn't you used to date Bob?" I was shocked that he knew I had dated Bob.
"Yeah, I did. Were just friends now, though. I think Bob has a girlfriend named Marjorie or something like that..." Brian frowned slightly.
"Jen, I don't want to hear about Bob and his girlfriend. You're getting off topic, here." his voice was soft.
"You were the one who brought up getting Gerard's ass in jail..." I muttered.
"It was a good idea, though. So go on about the whole raping thing." he seemed interested in what had happened to me, and I felt a little more awkward.
"He raped me when I was 13, and I was absolutely terrified of him. When you guys performed two nights ago, I threw up from nerves. Gerard had told me that he'd do worse than what he did on the tour bus." I stopped, afraid.
"Tour bus? What tour bus? And what happened?" Brian's curiosity was starting to annoy me slightly. "And I want the whole story."
"Uhm... On the tour bus, Gerard had just gotten back from a performance. He was in another band back then, I don't remember what it was called though. The lead singer for The Used, Bert McCracken, had gotten Gerard addicted to drugs and alcohol. Gerard followed ms back to the tour bus, where Daddy had told me to get my stuff. Gerard was extremely drunk and high off his ass that day, worse than normal. I was 14, and I had forgiven him for what had happened the year before. I walked into the tour bus, and went to grab my stuff off of Gerard's bunk when he grabbed me by the wrists and forced me down on the bunk bed. He had grabbed a couple ties and tied them tightly on my wrists, using them as handcuffs so he could tie the rest to him. He removed my clothes, and I knew that if I screamed nobody but Gerard would be able to hear me. 'Ride me, Sanders! Ride me so good, babe!' he ordered, his eyes totally blank. He removed his own clothes, and I quickly followed what he wanted me to do. I rode him endlessly until I was screaming his name out, over and over again. I kept telling myself that he was forcing me to do this, that I shouldn't love what he made me do. I simply didn't give a fuck at the moment because I was so caught up in the pleasure." Brian had started to stare at something on the floor, his lips a thin, hard line.
"Sex is a very powerful and pleasuring feeling..." he murmured, almost silently. "What happened after you...came?"
"He untied the ties and I fell on the bunk, gasping for breath. He smiled at me, climbing over me with a sick look of satisfaction played across his face. 'Look at you, gasping for breath on my bunk... It's cute, really, especially after I came so fuckin' hard in that wet little pussy that my sperm'll be swimmin' for months until they find that egg, bitch... Have fun being pregnant, baby. Hope you enjoyed my little game, sexy.' he kissed me hard, and got on his clothes, leaving me there in horror inside his bunk. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid for my life. I heard somebody come in the bus, and they had picked me up and dressed me. I was too lazy to see who it was, plus I was afraid that it would be my father or Jimmy. By the time I opened my eyes, I saw semi-long black hair, a black t-shirt, and the concrete floor moving below me. I've tried to figure out who it was, but I can't figure it out." I sighed, remembering the scent of sweat, tattoo ink, pot, and peppermint. Brian nodded, and his eyes seemed to be distant, like he was trying to see it all.
"You want to figure out who the guy is?Why?" he seemed to be struggling with that fact.
"Because he kinda saved me, sorta! I mean, somebody was bound to find me in Gerard's bunk, naked and gasping. I heard from Mikey that Dad was the second person in the tour bus, after Gerard and the guy who saved me. So if the guy hadn't found me, Daddy would have seen me and thought that I was masturbating." Brian bit his bottom lip, and I knew that he was trying hard not to laugh his ass off. "It's not funny! You know that I would've gotten into trouble." he nodded.
"Yeah, I realize that. But it would be funny, Shads thinkin' that you were..." he trailed off, seeing my glare. "Uhm, what time is it?" he smiled at me. I groaned, pulling my phone from my pocket. I got a text from an unknown number. I flipped open my EnV Touch, and read the text with shock. Brian chuckled. "What is it?" I looked up at him.
"Mikey pretty much gave Frank my number, and vice versa!" Brian chuckled more. "What?!" I asked, kinds irritated.
"That totally doesn't sound like Mikey at all. It sounds more like Jimmy." he laughed hard, and I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah well, Rev is insane. Anyways, Mikey wrote: Hey Jen. it's Mikey, using Frank's phone. I gave him your number, and when I get home I better see Frank in your contacts list. You and El Effie having fun?' God, I swear, Mikey is so weird at times!" I groaned, throwing my phone on Brian's couch-thing.
"You still haven't told me the time, Little Sanders." Brian smiled at me, a puppy-dog look playing across his face.
"God, Syn, I swear, you're worse than Tiffany!" I got up from his lap and picked up my phone. "It's like... 4:58. Why?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Yeah, we gotta go... We're performing again tonight." I smiled.
"Oh yeah! I totally forgot! Wait, isn't My Chem opening up for A7X again?" Brian shrugged.
"I don't care. I don't want you seeing Gerard at all. Nor do I want you seeing Frank." he spoke like he was my father.
"Brian, you aren't my Dad! You can't tell me who I can and can't see!" I yelled, pissed off that he would actually think he could talk to me like that, even if he was my best friend.
"I'm only trying to protect you, Jen! I heard bad shit about Frank! I even saw him smoking pot!" he raised his voice, and I got angrier and even more offended.
"Don't fucking yell at me, Haner! Frank would never do that! He isn't that type of person!" I shoved my phone in my pocket, and stomped out of his room.
"People aren't what they seem, Sanders! You would know that, especially after Gerard!" I felt the tears coming, and I raced out the door to my car. Sticking the key in the ignition, I sped off towards the stadium, the tears falling down.
Holyy mother fuck!! What do you think, lovies? comments are loooove!!
xoxo,
^Madi Sanders Iero Bennington Way^
"Hey, Jen..." he spoke softly, and I was surprised when he didn't call me 'Little Sanders'. I smiled smally.
"Yeah, Syn?" I wondered what he was going to say. He glanced down, his mouth open slightly.
"Uhm..." he paused, and sighed. He glanced back up at me, his mouth still half way open. "You know that we're best friends... But uh..." his mouth stopped short, and he glanced away again.
"Brian, you can tell me." I touched one of his tatted arms, and he looked at me sadly.
"I don't want to ruin the relationship you have with Gerard..." he whispered. I frowned, and I hugged him tightly.
"Brian, you aren't going to ruin anything between me and Gerard because there isn't anything going on between us." I watched as his eyes widened.
"You're not? But then why did I hear you and Gerard...?" he trailed off, and I clenched my jaw.
"He thinks I love him. Bri, I don't and what you heard two days ago was Gerard seducing me. Never again will I let him fuck me." before I could stop the words, they came rolling out. Brian's eyes widened even more.
"Again? What do you mean by 'again'?" his curiosity made me groan. "Jenny, you can tell me anything. You know this. I'm always here for you." I sighed, closing my eyes for a minute.
"You want me to tell you?" I asked him, opening my eyes again.
"Yeah, I'd like to know what seems to be bothering you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, though." he hugged me back, his arms warm against my skin. I leaned into him, feeling his warmth.
"Brian, I'll tell you. But be warned, it's a very long and naughty story." I imagined him smile slightly, but instead he pulled me into his lap, where I rested my sad on his shoulder.
"Jenny, you can tell me..." his voice was soft and very comforting, and I knew that I'd have to start from the beginning for him to understand.
"I was 13 when I first met Gerard. Really, he was once a nice guy. I really don't know what happened to him, or how he changed, but I do remember that one day, Gerard had walked up to me and whispered seductively in my ear that he had a thing for me. I think that was when he was 19, so it was 3 years ago..."
"I didn't really like Gerard, but then he sorta grew on me, and day after day I started liking him a little more. Daddy would never approve of me dating an older guy, especially a 19 year old. I'm not sure if you knew Gerard 3 hers ago, because he was in a different band with Mikey. Jimmy had told me from the times that we've seen Gerard that Gerard wasn't normal. He told me that he was addicted to drugs, alcohol, and sex. But I hadn't believed Jimmy because Gerard had always been super nice to me..."
"He would always hug me whenever he saw me, complimenting something about me. One day he asked Daddy if we wanted to go grab some Starbucks with him, and right in front of my Daddy he had complimented the color of my eyes with a look that clearly stated he liked me. I really don't know if Daddy saw it, and if he did he wouldn't have said anything. Gerard liked me, that was for sure. He liked me so much that he took my virginity." Brian nodded, not looking at me, but holding onto me tightly.
"Is that it, Jen?" he asked, his voice somewhat dead. His muscles were tensed beyond belief.
"There's a lot more, Bri.... If you don't want to hear it..." he stopped me, putting a finger to my lips.
"No, Jen. I want to know everything. I want to know about my best friend. What happened with you and Gerard?" he was still unable to look at me, and I swallowed hard.
"Daddy wasn't home one night, neither was Jimmy, Mikey, and Tiffany. I had spent the afternoon with my boyfriend, and he had broken up with me that day. Mom's phone wasn't on, and I had no clue what happened to Jimmy and Mikey's. Tiffany's was taken away from texting too much. I was all alone in the house, and I didn't know what to do. So I called Gerard, and he had noticed something in my voice. He told me that he'd be right over, and after he hung up I ended up crying my eyes out."
"Gerard already had a key to our house, in case of an emergency. Daddy trusted him enough, and we all did except for Jimmy, Tiffany, and Mikey. Anyways, Gerard came straight up to my room, and he picked me up off the floor. He held me tightly, and I cried even more into him. 'Love, it's okay... Shh... I'm here now, I'm here...' he whispered to me, and I had finally stopped crying. He lyed us down on my bed, and he had pulled me close to him, his arm pressing me against him." I glanced up at Brian, afraid of adding in any details. He looked up at me, his eyes confused.
"Are you going to continue? That doesn't sound like the end of that story." he answered, and I nodded. "Tell me everything, Little Sanders..." he whispered, and again I nodded.
"He knew the things that made me crazy. And he used them to get me horny. I couldn't help it, and I knew that what he was going to do to me was horribly wrong. I hadn't really known all that much about sex, and he told me that it was a very pleasuring feeling. I had remembered what Jimmy said, about Gerard being a man that only wanted sex, drugs, and alcohol. I tried to get away from Gerard when he took off my shirt, and he pinned me down, using his legs... He took off his own shirt, and he went to unlatch my bra. He smirked when he rubbed me, and I'm thinking he knew that no matter what I would enjoy everything he did." I stopped there, looking at Brian.
"He raped you, didn't he?" Brian lifted his eyebrows, and I nodded slowly.
"He can't hurt me now, I'm fine." he didn't seem to be buying it at all.
"No, Jen. You don't understand... When you and Gerard were upstairs, was he raping you?" I opened my mouth to say something, but the words got caught in my throat.
"He, uhh..." I tried to think of an excuse. I knew that I was failing epically.
"Don't lie, Jen. This is serious shit. Was he raping you when you were going to go to sleep and he stayed behind?" Brian's muscles were still clenched, and I sighed.
"He wanted to fuck me, Syn. And he did, except that he didn't get very far because Toro stopped him. Gerard had heard him coming up the stairs, and stopped and then acted as if nothing had happened. He's known me for 3 years, Brian. And he still knows me, the things that will make me cry and scream out in pleasure. He's always so hard, gripping too tightly... I'm scared that one day he'll kill me." I hadn't realized that I was crying until after Brian wiped my tears away.
"He can't hurt you, not after Shads, Jimmy, and I are through with him." he spoke with satisfaction, and I panicked.
"No! No, you can't tell them, Brian! Please, God, don't tell them a thing!" I started to cry again, and Brian gave me a worried look.
"But if I tell them, Gerard's ass will get thrown in jail." his face stated the obvious- he didn't like Gerard one bit.
"B-But if he's thrown in jail, and you told them, I wouldn't be able to watch My Chem perform! You know Dad!" Brian's' eyes held something in them that looked like hurt and sadness.
"You're into that Frank guy, aren't you?" he asked me slowly. I nodded.
"He's nice. And cute, plus he's short like me. His eyes are amazing. And he's so energetic onstage and offstage." I felt awkward talking about the guy that I liked to my best guy friend, but I could only tell him the truth.
"Oh... Didn't you used to date Bob?" I was shocked that he knew I had dated Bob.
"Yeah, I did. Were just friends now, though. I think Bob has a girlfriend named Marjorie or something like that..." Brian frowned slightly.
"Jen, I don't want to hear about Bob and his girlfriend. You're getting off topic, here." his voice was soft.
"You were the one who brought up getting Gerard's ass in jail..." I muttered.
"It was a good idea, though. So go on about the whole raping thing." he seemed interested in what had happened to me, and I felt a little more awkward.
"He raped me when I was 13, and I was absolutely terrified of him. When you guys performed two nights ago, I threw up from nerves. Gerard had told me that he'd do worse than what he did on the tour bus." I stopped, afraid.
"Tour bus? What tour bus? And what happened?" Brian's curiosity was starting to annoy me slightly. "And I want the whole story."
"Uhm... On the tour bus, Gerard had just gotten back from a performance. He was in another band back then, I don't remember what it was called though. The lead singer for The Used, Bert McCracken, had gotten Gerard addicted to drugs and alcohol. Gerard followed ms back to the tour bus, where Daddy had told me to get my stuff. Gerard was extremely drunk and high off his ass that day, worse than normal. I was 14, and I had forgiven him for what had happened the year before. I walked into the tour bus, and went to grab my stuff off of Gerard's bunk when he grabbed me by the wrists and forced me down on the bunk bed. He had grabbed a couple ties and tied them tightly on my wrists, using them as handcuffs so he could tie the rest to him. He removed my clothes, and I knew that if I screamed nobody but Gerard would be able to hear me. 'Ride me, Sanders! Ride me so good, babe!' he ordered, his eyes totally blank. He removed his own clothes, and I quickly followed what he wanted me to do. I rode him endlessly until I was screaming his name out, over and over again. I kept telling myself that he was forcing me to do this, that I shouldn't love what he made me do. I simply didn't give a fuck at the moment because I was so caught up in the pleasure." Brian had started to stare at something on the floor, his lips a thin, hard line.
"Sex is a very powerful and pleasuring feeling..." he murmured, almost silently. "What happened after you...came?"
"He untied the ties and I fell on the bunk, gasping for breath. He smiled at me, climbing over me with a sick look of satisfaction played across his face. 'Look at you, gasping for breath on my bunk... It's cute, really, especially after I came so fuckin' hard in that wet little pussy that my sperm'll be swimmin' for months until they find that egg, bitch... Have fun being pregnant, baby. Hope you enjoyed my little game, sexy.' he kissed me hard, and got on his clothes, leaving me there in horror inside his bunk. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid for my life. I heard somebody come in the bus, and they had picked me up and dressed me. I was too lazy to see who it was, plus I was afraid that it would be my father or Jimmy. By the time I opened my eyes, I saw semi-long black hair, a black t-shirt, and the concrete floor moving below me. I've tried to figure out who it was, but I can't figure it out." I sighed, remembering the scent of sweat, tattoo ink, pot, and peppermint. Brian nodded, and his eyes seemed to be distant, like he was trying to see it all.
"You want to figure out who the guy is?Why?" he seemed to be struggling with that fact.
"Because he kinda saved me, sorta! I mean, somebody was bound to find me in Gerard's bunk, naked and gasping. I heard from Mikey that Dad was the second person in the tour bus, after Gerard and the guy who saved me. So if the guy hadn't found me, Daddy would have seen me and thought that I was masturbating." Brian bit his bottom lip, and I knew that he was trying hard not to laugh his ass off. "It's not funny! You know that I would've gotten into trouble." he nodded.
"Yeah, I realize that. But it would be funny, Shads thinkin' that you were..." he trailed off, seeing my glare. "Uhm, what time is it?" he smiled at me. I groaned, pulling my phone from my pocket. I got a text from an unknown number. I flipped open my EnV Touch, and read the text with shock. Brian chuckled. "What is it?" I looked up at him.
"Mikey pretty much gave Frank my number, and vice versa!" Brian chuckled more. "What?!" I asked, kinds irritated.
"That totally doesn't sound like Mikey at all. It sounds more like Jimmy." he laughed hard, and I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah well, Rev is insane. Anyways, Mikey wrote: Hey Jen. it's Mikey, using Frank's phone. I gave him your number, and when I get home I better see Frank in your contacts list. You and El Effie having fun?' God, I swear, Mikey is so weird at times!" I groaned, throwing my phone on Brian's couch-thing.
"You still haven't told me the time, Little Sanders." Brian smiled at me, a puppy-dog look playing across his face.
"God, Syn, I swear, you're worse than Tiffany!" I got up from his lap and picked up my phone. "It's like... 4:58. Why?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Yeah, we gotta go... We're performing again tonight." I smiled.
"Oh yeah! I totally forgot! Wait, isn't My Chem opening up for A7X again?" Brian shrugged.
"I don't care. I don't want you seeing Gerard at all. Nor do I want you seeing Frank." he spoke like he was my father.
"Brian, you aren't my Dad! You can't tell me who I can and can't see!" I yelled, pissed off that he would actually think he could talk to me like that, even if he was my best friend.
"I'm only trying to protect you, Jen! I heard bad shit about Frank! I even saw him smoking pot!" he raised his voice, and I got angrier and even more offended.
"Don't fucking yell at me, Haner! Frank would never do that! He isn't that type of person!" I shoved my phone in my pocket, and stomped out of his room.
"People aren't what they seem, Sanders! You would know that, especially after Gerard!" I felt the tears coming, and I raced out the door to my car. Sticking the key in the ignition, I sped off towards the stadium, the tears falling down.
Holyy mother fuck!! What do you think, lovies? comments are loooove!!
xoxo,
^Madi Sanders Iero Bennington Way^
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