FicWad

Kept wondering how I would write more for this. Then I saw a certain
SNL skit, and well...

I am just going to apologize now.

I have heard that there are bulk rates for brain bleach over at this
store on 57th.

*TROTS*

Magorian shook his head in disgust.

Ever since those damnable human children had brought that fat little
toad bitch into the forest, things had gone downhill.

Most of the centaurs had merely chased the fat witch around while
whacking her with the flats of their spears. Unfortunately, as
always, one Centaur thought he would prove his superiority. Damn
Bane, and his centaurilinity issues. Yes, he was on the undersized
portion of the spectrum, but some of the fillies would look past that.
No, what was really a problem, was the fact he had a severe attitude
issue. There had been a period where Bane thought he could force
himself on Magorian's daughter. She had handled the matter quite
concisely, with the vicious application of horseshoe to tender flesh.

Magorian had to smile at the recollection of that. His daughter had
been able to hit an exceedingly small, rapidly moving target, strictly
on instinct. Even with the vicious beating she had administered to
Bane, the requests for her hand in betrothal had gone up. She proved
that good hunting instincts definitely bred true.

Unfortunately, Bane had become a right prat over the whole thing, and
was constantly threatening anyone or anything who came into the
forest. He was the reason they were currently under a high threat
level, and constant guard duty.

Perhaps he needed to assign Bane to Acromantula duty? It was a
hazardous position, with a high mortality rate, but he really couldn't
think of another fitting end.

He shook his head once more, regretting ever allowing Bane to join the herd.

The fool had decided to dispose of the little toad witch. The rest of
the herd thought Bane was taking her off to kill her, or feed her to
the spiders.

The howls coming from the woods had been unearthly, leading many to
think that perhaps Bane was being crueler than needed. After all,
inflicting undue suffering led to bad omens and portents as every foal
was taught when they first began learning of the stars.

Bane had come back, sweaty and smirking, prancing about like a proud
little filly on their first day as an adult member of the herd. The
rest of the herd was a bit nauseated, thinking he had brutally killed
a human.

Then the whispers and rumors had started.

Brave strong Centaur warriors had been found whimpering, and
trembling, their proud eyes glazed in horror. They had no memory of
what had befell them, merely a chafing in their nethers, and horrible,
screaming nightmares. None had died, so they knew the monster killing
the unicorns had not returned, but there was something horrible out
there. Patrols had been combined, but even teams of two centaurs had
not been enough to overcome the horrors.

Finally, a third female member of the herd was being dispatched with
each patrol, to act as a hidden guard, to prevent the assault on the
males. One of the patrols had been attacked, and the female had been
able to chase off the monstrosity. It appeared the little toad witch,
had been dominated by Bane in an unholy manner. It turned out, Bane
had been quite desperate for any sort of female attention, even
outside his own species. At least Magorian now understood why the
Unicorns and Thestrals had been so skittish around the herd lately.

The Toad witch had acquired an insatiable taste for centaur flesh it
appeared. She would stun the centaur she found on patrol, and then
cast an Imperious on the hapless warrior. She would have her foul way
with the cursed into willingness male, and then cast an Obliviate on
the molested member of the tribe. She had made a regular habit of it,
and the centaur filly who had rescued the traumatized pair of males, had begged
to be Obliviated herself.

The centaur filly had managed to wound the little toad witch with a
well placed arrow, and she was viewed as quite the hero by the male
portion of the herd now. Of course, it had only been a minor wound,
and now the males of the herd were starting to get nervous once more.
Magorian knew that the witch had power, and was highly placed in the
ministry. He had to come up with some sort of solution, before the
insane and insatiable size queen pushed through some sort of unfair
law.

Magorian was suddenly brought back to reality, as the flapping of an
owl's wings drew his focus. He removed the parchment from the owl's
outstretched limb, and paled upon reading the attached proclamation.

It appeared the witch had decided that the Centaurs were a threat, and
wished to have the males and females separated into different camps
that she would be supervising...personally.

Magorian shuddered.

Suddenly he had an epiphany. Bane had been a thorn in his side from
the moment he joined the herd. Perhaps it was time for him to earn
his keep after all.

It had been long abandoned, but it seemed it was time for the Special
Liason to the Ministry position to be filled once more.

As the old fool in the castle often said, "There must be sacrifices
made for the Greater Good" after all. Magorian and the rest of the
herd simply referred to it as the "Better you than me!" philosophy.
He smiled, moving to a trot, as he prepared to deal with the two banes
of his herds' existence. Maybe he could dig up a special saddle for
Bane to wear for the little toad witch?

A/N- I always thought Bane was an annoying pain in the ass, and
frankly he seems the type to get freaky in secret. Umbridge deserves
everything she gets in my book, and I have even worse than this
planned for her.

And yes, even worse than the ging a trois I subjected her to in Love Potion # 9.