FicWad

Early in the morning on December sixth, the previous night’s gentle, drifting snow turns to a blizzard. Jack wakes early with a horrible stomach ache. He crawls to the dresser and ties his arm with a belt. With a match, he lights a single candle, over which he holds a spoon containing a small amount of opium. He melts it and draws it into a hypodermic needle, which he then plunges into his arm. His body soon relaxes, and he draws the needle out of his arm, placing it on the dresser. Lynn is still sleeping, so Jack goes downstairs. He opens his liquor cabinet in the kitchen and finds a bottle of gin that has been sitting in the back corner of the top shelf for years and doubtlessly belongs to Shane. He blows the dust off of it and drinks straight from the bottle. It is not yet dawn, and he feels terrible. The opium is not helping very much. He returns to his bedroom and fetches his pipe.

Jack goes outside to the woodpile behind the kitchen. It is very small because Shane has been unable to chop wood due to his broken leg, and the twins cannot take care of their house as well as Jack’s manor all of the time. Jack realizes this, but it is still a disappointment because he knows that Lynn and Shane will expect him to spend the entire day felling trees and chopping wood despite the blizzard. He does not mind chopping firewood, but the idea of doing so in a blizzard is repulsive. He is a Senatorial General. He ought not to be chopping firewood in a blizzard. He thinks of his counterparts and realizes that Julius Invernus, a man with whom Jack is always at odds, would never chop firewood even if his life depended on it, though, of course, it never would. Kerrigan surely knows how to chop firewood from the days before she became wealthy, though it is unlikely that her husband Morietur would be keen on the idea of his pregnant wife chopping firewood for any reason, much less in a blizzard. Jack is sure that if Morietur knew what happened the previous night, he would have been incensed and had Jack hung from the nearest tree. Kerrigan went into an opium den while pregnant to rescue her friend from himself. Her husband lacks an appreciation for his wife’s mercy work, though he benefits from it more than anyone else both in reputation and in deeds done to save him.

Jack shivers against the cold outside. He did not don his overcoat before going outside behind the kitchen, and he is freezing without it. He returns inside with his pipe and his gin, but he still shivers, so he fetches firewood and builds a small fire in the grate in the upstairs bedroom that he shares with his wife. He relights his pipe with a coal from the fire and collapses in his armchair by the fireplace. He drinks himself back to sleep and does not wake again for several hours. When Jack wakes, Kerrigan is standing over him. He cannot see her or anything else, but he can hear her voice, and it is directly over him. He moans. Her expression changes from one of panic to one of relief, though it loses none of its urgency or seriousness. He hears the rustling of clothing, the unsheathing of a small knife, the slicing of flesh, and a slight wince of pain. Then he tastes blood on his lips. His vision grows lighter, though it is very blurry. He can barely distinguish his wife’s fiery hair and emerald green robe behind the black-clad figure of his dear friend in front of him. Kerrigan bandages her arm carefully and returns her attention to Jack’s condition.

“Jack, can you hear me?” she asks. “Can you hear me? Moan, squeeze my hand, or give me some indication that you are sentient.” Her tone turns to one of dismay as Jack closes his eyes against the painful light of many candles. “Lynn, I am afraid that it may be too late and that my blood, being shared with the baby, is not strong enough to successfully revive him.” To Jack, her words sound as though he is listening to them underwater. “He is gone.”

He knows what “gone” means. He is dead. He can hear her. He tries to move. His limbs are very heavy. He can hear the light, echoing sound of a woman’s boots on hardwood floors. Kerrigan is going downstairs to tell Shane and to fetch the twins. Jack wants to smoke. He does not care whether it is his pipe or a cigar, as long as it is tobacco. He would even take a cigarette, but he will doubtlessly never have the chance. His limbs feel like lead, and his thoughts come slowly, as if he were trying to see through murky water. Lynn kneels down at his feet, takes his limp right hand in hers, and presses it gently against her cheek, which is moist with tears. She leans back a bit and nudges the bottle of gin out of his left hand. He could not stop her if he wanted to. He can hear her drink. She then sets the bottle of gin on the mantle over the fireplace and resumes holding Jack’s hand. Less than a year ago, his hand was shattered. He can still feel immense pain from it when it rains, more so when it snows, and it is currently snowing very hard. He wants to be alive for Lynn’s sake, so he concentrates all the effort that he can through a splitting headache and immense pain into the simple twitching of his finger. She falls back in horror when he twitches and shouts for Kerrigan, who returns upstairs running, contrary to her calm and dignified nature.

“He’s alive, Kerrigan! It’s not too late!” exclaims Lynn ecstatically when Kerrigan arrives.

“Lynn, help me lift him onto the bed. I know that it is not ideal, but I am unable to lift him myself, considering my current situation, and Shane is currently unavailable to help.”

Kerrigan wraps Jack’s left arm around her back. The site of his injection rubs against his nightshirt, but he does not care. He can feel the tension in her shoulder where her husband did substantial damage. Jack wonders if it was the announcement of her pregnancy that led to the injury taking place. He moans.

“Jack, are you alright?” she asks. He moans in reply. “Jack, concentrate. Do not let your mind wander. Focus on the pain. Try to remain conscious. Moan once to say ‘yes’ and twice to say ‘no.’ Are we hurting you in any way?” He moans twice. “We will be lifting you onto the bed now. We are all the way across the floor. Moan sharply and loudly if we hurt you.” They lift him without causing him to moan. “Can you open your eyes?” Jack struggles to open them, but he ultimately succeeds. “Follow my fingers with your eyes.” He obeys. Something in the back of his addled brain tells him that she is checking to see if he has a concussion. He does not. “As soon as you are able to speak, tell me what happened.”

After a long pause, Jack stammers, “Drank…gin…cold…firewood.”

“Were you outside?”

“Aye.”

“Were you close to the pile of firewood?”

“Aye.”

“Were you drinking gin?”

“Aye.”

“Did you take any opium this morning?”

“Aye.”

She sighs and says, “You very nearly killed yourself mixing opium with alcohol. Please, Jack, do not do so again. It was an awful scare for both Lynn and myself.”

“Sor…ry Kerr…i…gan.”

“It is alright, Jack,” Kerrigan says, kissing Jack on the forehead. Lynn closes the door, lest Jason should decide to become inquisitive. Jack’s face remains relatively youthful somehow, despite his lifestyle, unlike Shane, who has a permanently worried look about him, despite his moderate habits. Kerrigan strokes Jack’s cheek, and his mouth soon twitches into a smile.

“Thankee.”

“I really must go and chop some firewood now.”

“Ye mustn’t.”

“Lynn will remain by your side. She can find me if you need me. There is only enough wood for another day at most. The twins will soon be arriving to help me.”

“Stay wi’ me. Send me wife. Ye’re pregnant. She ain’t. Don’ go choppin’ wood, else ye might lose the child.”

“I am not concerned, for I know what I am doing, Jack, and, unless I help, we will all freeze.”

Kerrigan goes downstairs, despite Jack’s protests. Within an hour, she is exhausted, though she has only cut a small amount of wood and normally has a far higher amount of stamina. She takes up Lynn’s vigil with Jack, asking her permission to lay beside him. Lynn goes downstairs and builds the smallest fire possible in the kitchen grate, over which she begins to cook breakfast for Jack’s sons, who have just woken; the twins, who have just arrived; Jack, who will soon be able to come downstairs; Shane, who has hobbled into the kitchen to sit with her; herself, for she is quite famished; and Kerrigan, whom she believes ought to be eating more for the baby’s sake. Kerrigan rests her head on Jack’s shoulder and her hand on his leg.

“Kerrigan, was that injury o’ yours me own fault?” asks Jack.

“No, it is not. He does not know that I am pregnant with your child, not his, and this is for obvious reasons. I am barely pregnant yet, but I am already exhausted and aching. This pregnancy will be physically strenuous. I have no doubts about that. I only hope that it is not immediately noticeable that the child is yours, though I doubt it will be, due to your physical similarities to my husband and sons. The baby will probably look like Lyritur did as a child, so I doubt that he will be suspicious.”

“Jaysus, it hurts.”

“What pains you?”

“Me entire body.”

“Try to relax,” says Kerrigan soothingly. “You are past the danger, so think about something else. Think about our child. I regret terribly that I cannot name the child in your honor.”

“Kerrigan, I’ve been tryin’ to forget what I did to ye,” says Jack, disheartened.

“I know that you are, but I cannot imagine knowing that my child is yours but not allowing you to see the child or to be a part of the child’s life.”

“I’ll see plenty o’ him, an’ every time I’ll remember I raped ye.”

“It was the drugs. It was not my dear friend.”

“Ye deny that I did what I did. I hate meself for what I’ve done. Ye ought to hate me as well. I took what wasn‘t mine to have, an’ now ye’re payin’ the price for me sins.”

“I do not hate you, nor will I ever hate you. Jack, I know the past eighteen months have been difficult for you, but try not to allow this to make things worse. Please, Jack, try to recover. We need a Senator. The army is currently missing two Senatorial Generals, and my role will have to be nonexistent for an extended period of time. The safety of our way of life depends on your fast recovery and sound guidance. I realize that you are not fond of having so much responsibility, however there is no choice. Our early defensive gains may be lost. Julius does not know how to command your men, and he is currently the only Senatorial General in Crosspoint. You must do something soon.”

“Quit naggin’, will ye?”

“I am merely informing you that, without you, the war is a hopeless cause.”

“Fine!” snaps Jack. “I’ll off an’ prepare meself now.”

“That is not what I meant, as you well know,” says Kerrigan firmly. “You cannot travel to Crosspoint in this blizzard. The entire army and that of our enemy have sworn to peace for the winter. Everyone is coming home for Yule this year. Unfortunately, your troops have suffered heavy casualties since you left on Samhain.”

“Who died?”

“Mostly enlisted men died, but Liam-”

“He’s dead? Me boy Liam’s dead? Jaysus! No! Not me Liam!”

“Relax, Jack. As I was saying, your son, Captain Liam Shepherd, is injured, but he is alive. He may be staying in Crosspoint longer than the troops or he may arrive sooner then them because he cannot be moved with them.”

“Jaysus! Ye scared me. I could’ve sworn ye’d say he were dead an’ gone.”

“He is not dead, but if Doctor Sparrow was to try to move him with everyone else, he might well be. He was shot in the head.”

“Christ! No! Me poor son. I’ve been shot an’ burned an’ beaten bloody, but I never want that for me sons. I wish I’d never talked him into joinin’ the army.”

“Jack, I am terribly sorry. Calm yourself for a moment. Allow me to explain it to you. After the incident between us, I traveled to Court City for a few days to visit my husband. By the time I returned, you were gone. Liam, who was in ill health, was temporarily assigned to me. He was shot in the head and has not woken since. I blame myself for not having been more cautious. If he recovers, you are to present him a medal for valor and for injury in the line of duty. They will be his first medals.”

“Jaysus, Kerr! ‘Tisn’t your fault. Jaysus! Me son’s abed in me place. I need to go out there.”

“You must stay here. I will fetch Liam when the time comes, though having three of you ill and abed is not ideal or, in any manner, a desirable circumstance.”

“What d’ye mean?”

“You will not be well once the opium starts to leave your system. You cannot fetch more supplies in this weather, for the road to Bridgeton is surely impassable.”

“I’ll go east by first traveling west to Kilainaigh City, turn south and head east through the Demon Lands, turn north to Bridgeton, and travel along the River Road ‘til I reach Crosspoint an’ me son. I’ll be fine on me own. I always am.”

“You will not make such a foolish journey. Your brother has a broken leg, and you will not be alive much longer yourself if certain things do not change. You cannot live on opium and alcohol, Jack. As soon as Doctor Sparrow says that Liam can travel, they will travel to Bridgeton together. It will take them either a day by train or four days by road. They could be traveling already. We cannot know. Anyhow, they are guarded by Eamon Malone and Keegan Callahan.”

“Jaysus! How’d ye talk the two o’ them into that.”

“They needed the money I offered, and they each have secrets they wish to hide. For Eamon, it is his brother, and for Keegan, it is his women.”

“Ah…that’d do it, I suppose.”

“When he arrives in Bridgeton, he will be staying at the home of the O’Caseys. The idea of the Malone children, the Crane children, or the Callahan children playing unsupervised around a man with a gunshot wound to the head is not a pleasant thought. It is far more sage to avoid the chance of accidental further injuries altogether by instead bringing him to the O’Caseys.”

“Aye.”

“Once Liam is in Bridgeton, if the roads are passable, Ronan O’Casey will find me, and I will fetch Liam.”

“Ye’re pregnant. I don’ like the idea o ye goin’ out in this weather pregnant jus’ to save me son, for whom ye’ve done more’n enough already. I’ll go. ‘Tis a father’s job.”

“I am pregnant, not crippled. You, by contrast, are so intoxicated that you could not stand up straight if you tried. I think that perhaps I am the more able-bodied of the two of us at the present time.”

“Have ye that little faith in me?”

“Have I any reason not to believe thus?”

“I’m not that drunk…”

“Jack, how much did you drink?”

“A fair bit.”

“Why is your sleeve rolled up to your elbow? Is that a fresh needle mark I see?”

“Aye. ‘Tis.”

“If I am not mistaken, you probably do not have a large supply of alcohol, opium, or tobacco in this house any longer. The opium will give you delirium when your supply is gone, and, though it is not as dangerous as delirium tremens because it cannot kill you, it will make you miserable. You also know what happens if you do not drink.”

“Aye…the horrors.”

“Do you honestly think that nothing will happen if you use all of your tobacco as well?”

“I suppose not. So let me travel to Bridgeton to fetch more.”

“That is absolutely ridiculous, Jack. I am traveling to my home today. I will return tonight, and when I do, I will bring more alcohol, tobacco, and opium for you. I promise that I will ask the O’Caseys if they have heard any news regarding Liam’s whereabouts. You must remain here and rest.”

“I don’ wanna rest.”

“You must. You will not convince me to allow you to travel to Bridgeton alone, so do not waste the effort trying. Just rest, Jack. I will bring Liam here when I hear news of his arrival in Bridgeton. I must travel anyhow, so I may as well fetch supplies.”

“Jaysus…” Jack moans absentmindedly.

“Do not despair, Jack,” says Kerrigan gently but sternly.

Kerrigan goes downstairs and makes tea for herself. Lynn is cleaning the breakfast dishes still. She seems very preoccupied. Kerrigan sits on one of the high stools, puts her arm around Lynn’s shoulders, ensures her that Jack will be alright if they are vigilant, and asks her to watch him carefully. The twins stocked the woodpile and fed the sheep and horses and are now sitting in the drawing room with Shane. Kerrigan and Lynn join them. John is tottering from chair to chair attempting to master walking without aid and falling each time that he tries. When he begins to cry in frustration, Shane reaches down and scoops him up and onto his lap. Jason is reading his new school primer in the corner while the adults speak of Jack and Liam in hushed voices. Jason pretends that he is not listening. Lynn begins to sob. The twins, who are seated to either side of her on the sofa, rest their arms around her shoulders. Jack comes downstairs unstably. Jason runs into his father’s arms and knocks him to the ground. Jack screams in pain and surprise, and Jason begins to cry. Jack stands unstably and tries to lift his son, but he is shaking badly and cannot lift the boy because he cannot force his hands to function properly.

“Kerrigan, save me,” pleads Jack.

“I cannot save you from yourself,” Kerrigan says coldly.

Lynn begins to sob harder. Kerrigan cannot tolerate any more anguish. She tells the twins that they must ensure that Jack does not leave his property. She then travels west toward Kilainaigh City to take the southern road to her home. Before she reaches her home, she purchases a crate of whiskey, a pouch of pipe tobacco, a box of cigars, and a ball of opium, stopping only at the liquor store, tobacconist, and apothecary before fetching her husband. Morietur secretly misses the days when he was working the land before he made his money, and Jack and Lynn need the help so Kerrigan talks him into coming with her. He offers to drive the coach. On their way north, they fetch groceries, but they do not go to Jack’s house immediately, instead taking a detour to the O’Caseys to inquire about Liam and the state of the roads.

Liam remains unconscious, but he is in Bridgeton proper. He is expected at the O’Caseys’ house by dusk, so Kerrigan and Morietur wait there for his arrival. Morietur begins to pace when he is not there at dusk. He arrives shortly thereafter, and Morietur easily lifts the wiry Captain into the carriage. He lays him along one of the two bench seats, and Kerrigan sits on the other. Morietur drives into the countryside and onto a small, unpaved road that is hardly visible into a thick forest. He knows his way. He drives them through a seemingly impassable stretch of dense, old forest and he arrives in Jack’s back yard. He takes the path to the barn, though the wheels stick in the snow. From the barn, he drives the carriage up the path to the front door.

Once he reaches the steps, Morietur carries Liam inside and upstairs, for Shane is occupying the sick room, and gingerly places Liam’s unconscious body on the bed in the room next to the one in which he and Kerrigan are staying so that they will be close to him in case something should happen. Kerrigan dons her warmest nightgown and naps in their room while Morietur unpacks the purchases and takes a bottle of wine for his own consumption. He goes downstairs to sit with Shane and the twins. Jack is wandering the upper floors, and Lynn is busy preparing dinner. Jason climbs into Morietur’s lap. Morietur is fairly fond of the boy as long as he is quiet. Shane begins to drink heavily in response to the pain from his badly broken leg, a nightly ritual that occurs whne the effects of the pills he was given to ease the pain that he takes in the morning begin to wane and before he can take the pills he was given to take at night.

Upstairs, Jack stumbles into Kerrigan’s room. He does not know where he is. In the darkness, he lays on the bed, waking Kerrigan and causing her to scream. Morietur runs upstairs with Jason still in his arms to see what the problem is. He lights the candles in the sconce by the door and finds his wife struggling to push Jack off of the bed. Morietur sweeps in and throws Jack away from his wife and into a wall. “Art thou in pain?”

“I am fine, though shocked. Hand me the child and help Jack to his feet.” Morietur does as Kerrigan asks and lights a fire in the grate for more light.

Jack clutches his head and asks, “Unh…what happened?”

“I desireth to ask of thee the same question,” says Morietur.

“Where am I?” asks Jack, utterly confused.

“You are at home, Jack,” says Kerrigan comfortingly. “What do you remember?”

“I was at an opium den; then ye came for me; then we was here; then I was outside, an’ I felt sick. After that, ye went to fetch firewood; then ye came upstairs; an’ the twins came; an’ then ye left,” replies Jack.

“Do you remember anything after that?” asks Kerrigan.

“Narry a thing,” replies Jack.

“Why didst thou enter this chamber?” asks Morietur angrily.

“I don’ know,” replies Jack honestly. “‘Twas dark. I’d no idea where I was. I didn’t know I was on this floor or even in me own house, let alone that Miss Kerrigan were here. Never heard her come back. I thought she was gone for the night.”

“It is alright, Jack. You frightened me, but I suppose that no harm was done,” says Kerrigan.

“I’m sorry, Kerrigan. Please don’ hurt me,” pleads Jack.

“I would not hurt you. Come and let us go downstairs to see your brothers. It will do you some manner of good to visit with your family.”

“An’ me Liam? Any news?”

“He and Generals Malone and Callahan arrived at the O’Caseys’ house earlier this evening, and Morietur and I brought him here. He is still unconscious, but he is home.”

“Can I see him?”

“Come with me.”

The sight of Liam with his hair cut so short and his head in a bandage horrifies and saddens his father. Kerrigan sees that Jack is about to collapse and hands him a bottle of whiskey, of which he drinks almost a pint before he can steady himself and look more closely at his son. Jack drinks another few sips of whiskey before he touches his son’s hand. Liam’s hand is warm, and he is still alive, but he may as well be dead, as he cannot see or hear his father, and he does not realize that his father is holding his hand. Jack touches a tuft of Liam’s ginger hair poking through his bandage, and he sees a lot of the man he used to be in Liam’s face. He then realizes why Liam was shot, and he hates himself even more. Liam looks very similar to Jack, especially from a distance, and he was guarding Kerrigan when he was shot, which is Jack’s custom. The enemy probably thought that he was his father. Liam’s long hair was shaved so that the doctor could see his wound, though it is now growing through his bandages, and he is still wearing his uniform, a dutiful soldier to the last. Jack watches Liam in horror, shock, and sadness, and Morietur puts an arm around his shoulders in a rare sympathetic gesture.

“I told thee that thou wouldst understand me if one of thy own sons were to be hurt as Lyritur was.”

“Jaysus…”

Dinner is stiff, formal, and long, with many courses. Jack cannot enjoy it because he is worrying about Liam. Morietur is wary of the alcohol, lest others get the impression that he is violent towards his wife when he drinks, which he has been told he does often, though he does not remember ever having done such a thing. Kerrigan hates seeing her friend and husband so uncomfortable. Lynn and Jason are both exhausted. Shane is silent and drinks more than he eats, thinking about the fates of the friends and neighbors he left behind when he fled his home a year earlier and wishing his leg would cease to ache. The twins are enjoying having home-cooked food for a change, despite the somber mood. Nobody speaks through dinner except for the hushed whispers asking the others to pass the salt and butter. After dinner, the twins help Shane to his room, where he goes to bed immediately. They then settle into their own room for the night. Lynn carries Jason upstairs, puts him to bed, and sits with Liam, who is barely breathing looks terribly ill. Fearing that he has deteriorated further, she rushes downstairs to ask Kerrigan to watch over him with her. Kerrigan and Lynn sit in vigil at Liam’s bedside until his breathing improves some, at which point Kerrigan finds Jack in his office. He joins the women in their vigil.

After a short period of time, Liam’s eyes slowly flicker open, and he stammers, “D-d-da’?”

“Aye, son,” says Jack sadly, quietly, and kindly. “I’m here.”