FicWad

A/N: I wish I didn't only have excuses when I come on here with my author's notes, so this time I won't worry you with what took so long. Hey, Eddi: This one's for you again, doll. Cuz it makes my day I am sure it will make your's too. And it goes to my real life biff, Molly. The end.

(Christian)

I should have seen this coming. I had watched her begin to crumble the moment Lilly had been shot. But until now they were nothing more that little fissures, tiny cracks in her perfection that some careful makeup could hide. Tonight she shattered, shards of Gloria exploded from her form and she cut down everyone around her. The massive Gloria bomb, the soul killer. And yet I willingly stand in the blast zone just to get to witness the beauty of her explosion. The glory of Gloria. She could kill my heart and I willingly went back for more, loving her every second of the day.

I sat on the floor in the bathroom, listening to her throw things around and mutter to herself. Every once in a while her words would get loud, she would shout a ‘fuck’, ‘shit’ or some other swear word and then her voice would taper away. I lit a cigarette, not really sure what else to do. I didn’t want her to leave; every second she wasn’t in my sight I was a wreck inside to make sure she was ok. But I know that was a liability and I was afraid of what would happen when that was put to the test. I loved her, and I was willing to let her send me away, dismiss me with such ease. But there was only so much wounding my pride could take, and it always seemed that when Gloria lashed out, it was my pride that took all the pain. I knew that she, too, had been wounded and I knew that she at least thought it was by me. How else could she excuse her behavior? I knew she loved me, just as she knew I loved her. But she was so damaged, so fragile. And now inside her restless soul her very heart was dying.

I listened in silence to the chaos on the other side of the door, wondering what was going on in her mind. I could have been in there an hour before the sounds on the other side of the door stopped. There was a beat of silence, then the sound of something large being dropped onto the bed. I stood up, leaning towards the door and straining to hear anything I could. I had to find out what she was doing, to figure out her next move. It was then I heard the sobbing. I opened the bathroom door as silently as possible, taking quick and quiet steps to stand behind her. She was the thing dropped on the bed and there she lay, face down and unmoving except for the occasional heave of her shoulders brought on by her continued crying. I didn’t know what to do, if I sat down she might chase me away again, and I didn’t know if I could handle much more of that. But I was going to do everything in my power to take away her pain.

“I know you’re standing there, Christian." She said, still pressed into the pillow. “Everyone seems to forget how hard it is to sneak up on me.” Her voice wasn’t bitter or angry, she sounded heartbroken at being underestimated. I took this as a sign she wasn’t mad at me anymore, and sat down on the bed beside her. She curled up, wrapping her arms around her legs while staying on her side.

“Why are you crying?” My voice was soft, meant to caress and soothe. She shivered and I dared to scoot closer. What she did next surprised me and at the same time made me smile. Gloria got up, scooting over and forcing her way into my lap. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close to me. I felt her entire body expand as her face buried into the crook of my neck and she took a deep breath. I kissed the top of her head, breathing her in. She didn’t answer me at first. She stayed in my arms and cried. I let her, holding her as tears ran down her face. A soggy shoulder is more than a fair trade to know the girl I loved still loved me back.

“I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. I am afraid that I am going to make things a lot worse. What if I cost more lives than I save by leaving?” She didn’t pull away from me, her lips fluttering against my skin. I let her, holding her to me. I loved having her there. “But I can’t stay here, Christian!” It was in that moment she pulled away, looking at me. Her eyes held an almost panicked look as she was hysterically babbling. “I never call you Billie Joe! Why don’t I ever call you Billie Joe? Mike and Tre only call you Billie Joe! I am so horrible to you, I don’t understand wh-“ I pressed my lips to hers with a ferocity that shocked me. It didn’t shock her, however, because she returned the pressure. Her arms were already around my neck, and it was no problem for her to lace her fingers through my hair. My hands slid under her shirt, my hands rubbing the tone muscles of her lower back. Even with my eyes closed I knew the beauty of Gloria. Her skin seemed illuminated within, her eyes shown with knowledge that no living being should know, her gorgeous hair and perfect body; all her beauty unnaturally and inhumanly acute, and yet so much of it was more than just her physical beauty. Her power, her grace, her hunter’s sense; they all screamed to break free, to be unleashed in their raw and terrifying power and there was beauty in that alone. She was simply a force to be reckoned with.

Her hands left my hair, pausing briefly to cup my face with her hands. IT was only a second, but our eyes connected and I knew there was only one way this night was ending. When our lips crashed back together the force was enough to topple us both over. After playful wrestling she ended up on top of me without her shirt. She was an angel descending upon me. With nimble fingers she unbuttoned my shirt, though it lingered somewhere on the bed. Candy kisses left a trail of burning honey everywhere her mouth made contact with my bare skin. I kissed at any flesh I could, kissing fingertips and elbows as much as breasts and lips. But her kisses were heading lower. I felt my breath catch as she roughly grabbed at my very swollen member. Without saying anything she stripped us both, straddling my legs as she looked up at me with seductive eyes. I couldn’t have said anything if I had wanted, but she wanted no permission as her cotton candy lips wrapped around the crown of my penis. Gloria’s skilled tongue swirled around my shaft as her dark head bobbed up and down. I groaned, she was amazingly skilled, gripping handfuls of her hair to coax her slower. I let her continue for a few moments, loving the way I didn’t have to tell her what felt good. I could feel the desire growing, my need heightening, and knew there was more that needed to be attended to. Painfully I pulled her mouth away from my stiff cock, swiftly switching positions so she lay beneath me.

Her eyes grew wide and her mouth opened to speak, but I covered it with kisses, silencing her again. There was no need for words then, just feeling. I kissed down her neck, paying special attention to the spot just under her ear that she liked when I nipped at. I kissed, licked, and bit my way to the spectacular breast she had, twisting one nipple between my fingers while the other I latched my mouth around. Her hips began gyrating and I heard little whimpers in between her breaths, and my hand left her other breast, not warning her before two fingers plunged into her wet warmth. She gasped, her hips instantly rocking as she fucked my hand. She had such a guy mentality when it came to sex, and spent as much time making it feel good for her as she worried about how it felt for me. It turned me on to no end and I couldn’t wait any longer. With a swift thrust I found my way home, plunging into her wet, tight hole. Gloria didn’t just moan, she screamed with desire. She met me half way on every thrust, her breathing as ragged as my own. I hammered into her hot slit, delivering kisses to her mouth, neck, and chest, anywhere we could make contact. It wasn’t long until her trembling walls gave in; Gloria was beyond words with vowels moaning from her chest.

I stilled for a moment, but I wasn’t done with her by a long shot, and just as she thought she would catch her breath I thrusted into her again. She came five times in as many hours, and by the time I couldn’t hold back anymore and my hot seed skewered her, neither of us could stand. I collapsed next to her on the bed, and Gloria scooted closer, our hot bodies sticky and yet she still smelled sweet as her head rested on my chest and we both nodded off.

*

When I awoke a few hours later, Gloria was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed. I smiled at her, pulling her back onto me and showering her with kisses. She didn’t fight me, but there was none of the passion from before. When she managed to get out of my grasp I could see she was crying again.

“Why are you crying?” I asked again, and this time I got the answer she couldn’t tell me before.

“I’m going to miss you.” Her tone was quiet and it took me a second to realize I heard what I thought I had. I sat up in bed, reaching for some resemblance of clothing as anger pounded in my heart.

“You dirty liar!” I snarled, jumping away from her as soon as my jeans were on. She flinched at my sudden movement, her head hung as if she could feel shame. I laughed at her fake tears. Of course she would act this way. Love and leave, I should have known. Gloria was nothing more than a lie, a temptation on what could be, but never will be. “Cut that shit out, little girl. Your bloodshot eyes only show your heart of treason.”

“What the fuck are you babbling on about, Christian?” There was venom in her voice, almost enough to match the flames in my own words.

“This bullshit. I thought you were staying, I thought all that meant something to you.” I made a sweeping motion towards the bed, and her, trying to keep the betrayal from turning into whining. Confusion crossed Gloria’s face as she looked back at the messed up sheets. Then she laughed, a cruel and wicked laugh as she looked me dead in the eyes.

“That was sex, Christian. Nothing more, nothing less. It was a business transaction, a way to relieve my stress and let me get in some good sleep before I left. What did you think it meant, that I was so moved by your amazing ability in the sac I would stay?” She shook her head and stood up, walking around me to lean against the desk and light a cigarette. “Or, worse, did you think the sex was my way to say I love you more than anything and I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was staying with you?” She flipped her hood up, hiding her face from me. She was indifferent, but it was a front. I knew it; she wasn’t as good a liar as she thought she was.

“You are a liar because your words are your lie. Of love and razorblades your blood is surging, not anger and cold metal. It’s just now the life is calling the charlatans and saints of your abandon. I know things are hard, and you are put into a situation you don’t understand, but don’t you understand how much stronger we are together.” My throat was threatening to close down; I hated how she was lying to me. She wouldn’t leave, she loves me. I love her and she loves me and together we were going to win this war so we can live our lives together the way we wanted to. She didn’t reply at first, turning her face from me and smoking her cigarette. I had no idea what she would say next. I know what I wanted her to say, but I knew there was no way to predict what was about to come out of her mouth. Sadly, it was the razorblades instead of the love in a light tune that purged from her soul.

'''My heart belongs to no one. I am alone in this life. All I have are my songs and my knife.' Are you happy, Christian? Is that what you want to hear, that I don't need you? It's true. I am content with loneliness. Now let me go.'' Gloria didn’t look at me, but the strength, and pure conviction; in her voice told me what her eyes would have shown me. She meant it. Gloria didn’t want to stay with her; she didn’t want me to go with her. So this was how Christian and Gloria would part ways.


(Gloria)


I didn’t know how long I could keep up my front. I didn’t understand how he couldn’t see the tears that still spilled from my eyes freely. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in Christian’s arms and stay with him. I loved him so much and I was defiling him, raping him of his soul. I was nothing more than the unholy sister of grace. But I needed to leave, and I couldn’t take him with me. I didn’t want him anywhere near the fighting, though I knew that was where I HAD to be. Here he would stay safe.

“You are nothing more than a junkie preaching to the choir.” He spat. I think his unending faith in me was beginning to waver.

“Better than a junkie living a life than a choir that can’t exists outside the confines of a church.” I spat back, the words bitter on my lips. I couldn’t taste Christian on my mouth anymore, and that almost crumbled my resolve more than anything. But I could still imagine his kiss and smell him on my skin. I clung to that thought, I had to.

“Run away, then Gloria. I won’t try to stop you anymore. But let me ask you this: where do you plan to run?” I shrugged, still not looking at him. I wasn’t good at hurting him, and I couldn’t watch me do it. It was a cruel twist of fate that I had to play this card.

“There’s no place like home when you’ve got nowhere to go.” I heard the soft rustling of his clothes as he moved away from the door, giving me my freedom that was like death. I had hoped Christian would fight more, I counted on it. I couldn’t understand why he was so willing to let me walk away.

“The traces of blood will still follow you home, just like the mascara tears from your getaway. But go, Gloria. Your lifeboat of deception is now sailing. I really hope you don’t die.” I didn’t have the strength to pull the knife from my heart, though I wanted to chuck it at him. I knew he was in ribbons, though, and more of me loved him than was hurt by him. So without a word I grabbed my two bags and walked out of the room. Molly was more than half way down the hall, coming to fetch me with more people following her. I could see Connor and Murphy, Sarah and Chelsea Marie, and then Travi turned the corner. No one else followed him.

“No one believed me that you were leaving.” Molly explained. Only seven of us were leaving, nowhere near the numbers I had hoped to have. There was no time to wait and convince more people. We would have to make do with what we had.

“Alright, let’s head out.” I took two steps from the door, and then froze. “Does anyone have a pen and piece of paper?” I asked, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. Sarah handed me both from her purse and quickly I scribbled three words onto the paper before ripping it from the notebook and folding it in half and writing Christian’s name on it. Not knowing what else to do I grabbed the gum from Molly’s mouth and used it to tack the note to the door. Then, trying not to cry again, I faced my followers.

“Come on, I want to be half way to anywhere for the dawn.”