Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Wipe Off That Makeup
Eight
The one sound that Gerard knew he would never forget was the sound of the bell, the high pitched dinging that told everyone that it was over. Win or lose, it was all over the moment you heard that sound.
“Fucking pathetic” muttered Bob.
“He didn’t even throw a fucking punch” sighed Gerard. He knew many people that would have put in a better performance with their eyes closed.
“No he just took one” replied Bob the emphasis place on the one was laced with bitterness, he rested his head on his hand and watched as the pathetic boy was dragged past them, one trail of blood flowed from his nose.
“He took it like a fucking woman” piped in another voice.
“Even woman would have taken it better than that Frankie” replied Gerard with a slight smile. He knew of at least one woman who would have taken a better beating than that chump could ever hope to get around here.
“Well that doesn’t really feel like it was worth it” sighed Gerard as the boy disappeared lifelessly into the crowd. “Let’s hope the next piece of shit can provide a little more entertainment”. Truth be told Gerard would be happy with anything that posed as a little bit of a distraction, or at least something to help keep him calm. Usually this room, these people, they all served their purpose well, that was every night but tonight, tonight it didn’t seem to be working at all. At least he knew he was a master of pretending, and that no one, not a single soul in that room would be able to read him.
***
It’s amazing what small things can soothe you when you have nothing left in your life, the small things that you start to find comforting. The way the leaves move in the wind, it’s like magic, mesmerising magic. It’s almost as if the trees are talking to each other, whispering secrets to one another. When you have nothing left, you just look for comfort in the things around you, I would know. All I had was this room, this room that had a bed, a bathroom and a small window. But the view from the window, the view from the window was something else. A beauty I had never seen before. It was a comfort I held close to me.
This new found room I had been given looked over a sea of fields, some filled with yellow sun flowers, some with green grass and a few scattered trees. My eyes hungrily took in the bright colours. I sat at the window for what seemed like eternity, staring at something I knew I would never be able to have. I watched the birds, and watched the trees. I didn’t bother using the ‘freedom’ I had been granted. I didn’t see much point to exploring a place that I would never call home, or even trying to get to know these people that held me. I didn’t need to know anything about this place other than the four walls that housed me, that held me in and kept me safe at times. I still had no idea where I was, who had me, or even what their intentions with me were. Strangely, I didn’t feel that it mattered anymore. None of it mattered.
To say that this room was an upgrade was almost a lie. It was bigger, yes. It had natural light, and I had the freedom to use the bathroom whenever I pleased, but the room was filthy. There were layers of dust on layers of dirt on more layers of dust. It felt like the room hadn’t had anyone in it for years, which it had simply existed in this state of emptiness. Like the pictures that lined the hallways, many of the pictures in here had sheets over them, covering whatever it was that lay beneath, as if to protect them from the horrors that they may witness. The wall paper was faded where the morning sun violated the empty space with its persistent cheer, the vibrant colours nothing close to what they had been in the past. Nothing ever lasts forever, it was never meant to.
***
Gerard looked at the cup of steaming coffee sitting in front of him. Coffee had been such a vice to him ever since he was old enough to be allowed to drink it, as had smoking, much to the dismay to his mother. He shook his head, letting the thoughts of his family drift away; the only other person that mattered to him out of any of them was Mikey. He was always the only one that had ever matted.
“So what was it that you wanted to talk about Doc?” asked Gerard, he didn’t really want to know the answer but not turning up and not sating the doctor’s curiosity was not an option. The doctor’s face remained unaltered, he was reading a piece of paper that he had laid on the table in front of him.
“I wanted to know how things are with you Mr Way” the doctor stated, his eyes flicking up from the piece of paper he studied.
“I am fine” replied Gerard, he hated that word with a passion. The truth was, he wasn’t okay, he never had been.
“I know that situations like these can be very difficult, sometimes too difficult” said the doctor, “after all Mikey has been here for some time now”. Gerard nodded, he could barely remember life before visits to the hospital were a regular occurrence. From the moment doctors had become involved his life had never really felt right.
“I know these things can take their toll, and I know that your situation is a peculiar one. I wanted to touch base with you Mr Way, to see how you were doing and how your life was going” continued the doctor, his eyes now focusing on Gerard. Gerard felt like he was on trial. “It has been some time since we talked about you and how you were doing. I am curious as to how your moods are going and if you are still having trouble sleeping”.
“Doc, like I said, I am fine” replied Gerard. He felt like screaming ‘liar’ at the top of his lungs.
“No nightmares anymore?” asked the doctor.
“Nope” replied Gerard. Truth was, he had them almost every night. He knew things were not right when he didn’t have them.
“That’s interesting” noted the doctor. “I have never seen such a case of rapid recovery or improvement”.
“I guess miracle happen” shrugged Gerard. He stopped believing in miracles and God a long time ago.
“You do know that you can contact me whenever you need to?” asked the doctor, he seemed genuine in his offer but Gerard would never take it. He hated doctors and he hated hospitals. Nothing they had done for him here had worked, not one thing. The tablets, the therapy, the alternative practices, none of it had worked and he only saw it as a waste of time. They were full of empty promises. The only reason Mikey had to stay there was because it was out of Gerard’s hands, if he could have his way Mikey would be home with him and Bob. There was no doubt about that.
“Thanks Doc” nodded Gerard. He didn’t like to talk about himself or his past, the doctor knew all about him but still he insisted on asking questions and he hated it. Why ask a question when you assume you already know the answer?
Gerard said his awkward goodbyes, not promising the doctor anything, but knowing that there would be more meetings like this in his future. The doctor was nothing if not persistent.
He stopped by to see Mikey on his way out, it was as disheartening as his visit to the doctor. Today was one of the days that Mikey had no idea who he was. He was like a living doll, just sitting there staring blankly at the world. Gerard hated it when he was like that, it wasn’t the Mikey he knew and loved, it wasn’t Mikey at all.
Still Gerard sat with him, talking about life, about Bob and about mundane things. He tried to keep everything as normal as possible for Mikey, giving him only happy news, reliving only the happy memories. The poor kid had been through enough. Gerard just wished there was a way that he could make things better. There were so many things he wished he could do but he knew better than to wish his life away. If there was something you wanted or needed, the only way you were going to get it was to do it yourself. Gerard had learnt that the hard way.
The sun was almost blinding on the drive home from the hospital. It was always the most beautiful of days when Gerard felt like this, almost as if the universe was trying to kick him while he was down. He smiled to himself despite his mood, he knew one thing that would brighten his day and it was waiting for him when he got home.
The one sound that Gerard knew he would never forget was the sound of the bell, the high pitched dinging that told everyone that it was over. Win or lose, it was all over the moment you heard that sound.
“Fucking pathetic” muttered Bob.
“He didn’t even throw a fucking punch” sighed Gerard. He knew many people that would have put in a better performance with their eyes closed.
“No he just took one” replied Bob the emphasis place on the one was laced with bitterness, he rested his head on his hand and watched as the pathetic boy was dragged past them, one trail of blood flowed from his nose.
“He took it like a fucking woman” piped in another voice.
“Even woman would have taken it better than that Frankie” replied Gerard with a slight smile. He knew of at least one woman who would have taken a better beating than that chump could ever hope to get around here.
“Well that doesn’t really feel like it was worth it” sighed Gerard as the boy disappeared lifelessly into the crowd. “Let’s hope the next piece of shit can provide a little more entertainment”. Truth be told Gerard would be happy with anything that posed as a little bit of a distraction, or at least something to help keep him calm. Usually this room, these people, they all served their purpose well, that was every night but tonight, tonight it didn’t seem to be working at all. At least he knew he was a master of pretending, and that no one, not a single soul in that room would be able to read him.
***
It’s amazing what small things can soothe you when you have nothing left in your life, the small things that you start to find comforting. The way the leaves move in the wind, it’s like magic, mesmerising magic. It’s almost as if the trees are talking to each other, whispering secrets to one another. When you have nothing left, you just look for comfort in the things around you, I would know. All I had was this room, this room that had a bed, a bathroom and a small window. But the view from the window, the view from the window was something else. A beauty I had never seen before. It was a comfort I held close to me.
This new found room I had been given looked over a sea of fields, some filled with yellow sun flowers, some with green grass and a few scattered trees. My eyes hungrily took in the bright colours. I sat at the window for what seemed like eternity, staring at something I knew I would never be able to have. I watched the birds, and watched the trees. I didn’t bother using the ‘freedom’ I had been granted. I didn’t see much point to exploring a place that I would never call home, or even trying to get to know these people that held me. I didn’t need to know anything about this place other than the four walls that housed me, that held me in and kept me safe at times. I still had no idea where I was, who had me, or even what their intentions with me were. Strangely, I didn’t feel that it mattered anymore. None of it mattered.
To say that this room was an upgrade was almost a lie. It was bigger, yes. It had natural light, and I had the freedom to use the bathroom whenever I pleased, but the room was filthy. There were layers of dust on layers of dirt on more layers of dust. It felt like the room hadn’t had anyone in it for years, which it had simply existed in this state of emptiness. Like the pictures that lined the hallways, many of the pictures in here had sheets over them, covering whatever it was that lay beneath, as if to protect them from the horrors that they may witness. The wall paper was faded where the morning sun violated the empty space with its persistent cheer, the vibrant colours nothing close to what they had been in the past. Nothing ever lasts forever, it was never meant to.
***
Gerard looked at the cup of steaming coffee sitting in front of him. Coffee had been such a vice to him ever since he was old enough to be allowed to drink it, as had smoking, much to the dismay to his mother. He shook his head, letting the thoughts of his family drift away; the only other person that mattered to him out of any of them was Mikey. He was always the only one that had ever matted.
“So what was it that you wanted to talk about Doc?” asked Gerard, he didn’t really want to know the answer but not turning up and not sating the doctor’s curiosity was not an option. The doctor’s face remained unaltered, he was reading a piece of paper that he had laid on the table in front of him.
“I wanted to know how things are with you Mr Way” the doctor stated, his eyes flicking up from the piece of paper he studied.
“I am fine” replied Gerard, he hated that word with a passion. The truth was, he wasn’t okay, he never had been.
“I know that situations like these can be very difficult, sometimes too difficult” said the doctor, “after all Mikey has been here for some time now”. Gerard nodded, he could barely remember life before visits to the hospital were a regular occurrence. From the moment doctors had become involved his life had never really felt right.
“I know these things can take their toll, and I know that your situation is a peculiar one. I wanted to touch base with you Mr Way, to see how you were doing and how your life was going” continued the doctor, his eyes now focusing on Gerard. Gerard felt like he was on trial. “It has been some time since we talked about you and how you were doing. I am curious as to how your moods are going and if you are still having trouble sleeping”.
“Doc, like I said, I am fine” replied Gerard. He felt like screaming ‘liar’ at the top of his lungs.
“No nightmares anymore?” asked the doctor.
“Nope” replied Gerard. Truth was, he had them almost every night. He knew things were not right when he didn’t have them.
“That’s interesting” noted the doctor. “I have never seen such a case of rapid recovery or improvement”.
“I guess miracle happen” shrugged Gerard. He stopped believing in miracles and God a long time ago.
“You do know that you can contact me whenever you need to?” asked the doctor, he seemed genuine in his offer but Gerard would never take it. He hated doctors and he hated hospitals. Nothing they had done for him here had worked, not one thing. The tablets, the therapy, the alternative practices, none of it had worked and he only saw it as a waste of time. They were full of empty promises. The only reason Mikey had to stay there was because it was out of Gerard’s hands, if he could have his way Mikey would be home with him and Bob. There was no doubt about that.
“Thanks Doc” nodded Gerard. He didn’t like to talk about himself or his past, the doctor knew all about him but still he insisted on asking questions and he hated it. Why ask a question when you assume you already know the answer?
Gerard said his awkward goodbyes, not promising the doctor anything, but knowing that there would be more meetings like this in his future. The doctor was nothing if not persistent.
He stopped by to see Mikey on his way out, it was as disheartening as his visit to the doctor. Today was one of the days that Mikey had no idea who he was. He was like a living doll, just sitting there staring blankly at the world. Gerard hated it when he was like that, it wasn’t the Mikey he knew and loved, it wasn’t Mikey at all.
Still Gerard sat with him, talking about life, about Bob and about mundane things. He tried to keep everything as normal as possible for Mikey, giving him only happy news, reliving only the happy memories. The poor kid had been through enough. Gerard just wished there was a way that he could make things better. There were so many things he wished he could do but he knew better than to wish his life away. If there was something you wanted or needed, the only way you were going to get it was to do it yourself. Gerard had learnt that the hard way.
The sun was almost blinding on the drive home from the hospital. It was always the most beautiful of days when Gerard felt like this, almost as if the universe was trying to kick him while he was down. He smiled to himself despite his mood, he knew one thing that would brighten his day and it was waiting for him when he got home.
Sign up to rate and review this story