Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Faring Well
Gerard was late to pick up Mikey, as usual, but this time, it was because he’d realized only after class got out that he didn’t know where Frank’s locker was, what his phone number was, or even where they were supposed to meet up. He’d spent ten minutes combing the halls and student parking lot for his new friend, before finally finding him standing in the front of the school, hands shoved in his pockets, looking embarrassed. Gerard’s heart had dropped into his stomach; Frank thought that Gerard had stood him up, left him to stand alone in the front of the school until his cousin finished class and could take him home. Gerard felt terrible, and he called out to Frank while he was still twenty yards away, just to make sure that the boy didn’t have to spend another second feeling stood-up and let-down. The minute he’d heard Gerard’s voice, Frank’s face had lit up, and relief had rushed through Gerard’s veins.
“Okay, okay,” Gerard said as they pulled into the Belleville Elementary School parking lot. “Favorite…food?”
“Tacos. I fuckin’ love tacos,” Frank answered without hesitation, immediately beginning to think of a question to pose to the other boy. “Umm…Oh, okay, what’s your favorite movie?
“Ahh…” Gerard waved to Mikey, who was sitting dejectedly on the front steps of the school, his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. Gerard pointed to the back seat once he got his little brother’s attention. “I don’t know. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”
“Heya, Mikey,” Frank said, waving to the little boy fumbling around in the back seat.
“Hey, Mikes. Hurry up and get in, we’re dropping Frank off before we go home.” Gerard tried, for the second time that day, to wink at Frank, and he would have succeeded, had he not been wearing sunglasses. Damn. Now he just looked like he was staring at Frank with a creepy smile. Which he was, but…
“Hi, Gee,” Mikey said, crawling into the messy back seat. He pushed Gerard’s backpack, school books, and assorted other items that littered the seat to the floor of the car and buckled his seatbelt. “Hi, Frank.”
“What’s up, buddy?” Frank twisted around in his seat and smiled at his friend’s little brother.
“Nothin’. What’s up with you?” Mikey was suddenly shy; Gerard wished he’d open up a little to his friend. He didn’t want Frank to feel like Mikey didn’t like him.
“Nothing much. I was reading a comic in class today and I thought it seemed like one you might like.”
Mikey’s face lit up. “Really? What was it about?”
“You know what? Here, you have it, read it, and tell me what you think.” From his bag, Frank produced a comic book that he handed to a beaming Mikey, who grabbed it and grinned broadly.
“Thanks!” he exclaimed, opening it to the first page and beginning to read. Gerard was sure that he was smiling bigger than his little brother at that point.
“You really didn’t have to do that,” Gerard said through his cheek-stretching grin.
“That’s what’s great about doing nice things for people. You don’t have to, but you do anyway. It’s a nice choice to make.” Frank looked at Gerard and…Dear Lord, he winked. Again. Gerard gripped the steering wheel tightly, his cheeks growing hot and flushed.
“Thank you,” he mumbled, taking one hand off the wheel and sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “So…” he began, but was interrupted by a loud stomach-growl ripping through the air. Frank laughed and placed a hand on his abdomen.
“Sorry,” he chuckled. “Guess I should start bringing a lunch to school.” This gave Gerard an idea. But he was almost too…shy to suggest it…almost…
“Well, if you’re hungry, I know of a great pizza place up here on the corner.”
“No, you really don’t have to stop for me.”
“Please, I’m in no hurry.” Gerard passed the light that he usually turned at to get home and pulled into a parking lot. “Want some pizza for lunch, Mike?”
“Yeah…” Mikey murmured, still engrossed in the comic that Frank had given him. After a moment, his head popped up and his over-sized glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. “Yeah!” he said, pushing the glasses up and barreling out of the car. Both teens laughed and got out as well.
After getting their pizza, the three boys walked to a park that was across the street from the restaurant. Frank and Gerard took seats on a bench while Mikey ran to the swings and jumped on, taking off like a rocket immediately.
“Look, Gee!” he yelled from across the park. “I’m swinging all by myself! I don’t need anyone to push me!”
“That’s great, Mikes,” Gerard said, chuckling. He waved and gave the thumbs-up. Mikey went back to occupying himself. “That’s the great thing about this kid,” Gerard mused, his eyes following his brother protectively. “He’d be fine all day by himself if you left him alone. He can always find ways to entertain himself.”
“I see that. He’s a good kid.” Frank took a bite of his pizza and looked down at his lap. He seemed to be iffy on something, as though he wanted to say something, but didn’t at the same time.
“What’s on your mind, Frank?” Gerard asked nervously, wondering if he’d said something to upset his new friend.
Frank smiled broadly and made direct eye contact. He was almost trying too hard… “Nothing,” he said. “So…why don’t your parents pick Mikey up from school? Are they at work, or something?” Gerard’s head snapped up. He caught Frank’s eyes, and stared for a long moment. He furrowed his brow and leaned back, not taking his eyes from Frank’s.
“You know,” Gerard said in what was almost amazement. “How do you know?” Frank looked down again, examining his pizza very closely.
“I’m not supposed to say,” he mumbled, beginning to click his lip ring against his teeth, as was his nervous habit, Gerard was finding out. “But…Ray told me, between classes. He told me not to fuck with your life because you already had enough on your plate. He gave me a vague overview. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. Sorry,” he added quickly. Gerard sighed.
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, and you were bound to find out sooner or later. I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you.” Gerard balled up his napkin and flimsy paper plate and tossed them into the trash can behind the bench they were sitting on. He scooted closer to the other boy and folded his hands in his lap. He took a deep breath.
“When I was a kid, about eleven, I guess, and Mikey was just a year old, or so, my dad left. No warning, no goodbye, he was just gone. I was the only one around. Mikey was asleep, and my mother decided to take a nap as well, since Mikey pretty much never stopped crying back then. My dad came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He asked me if I wanted him to take me out to the park, this park, actually, when he got back from running his errands. I told him I did. It was early on a Saturday morning, so I was still in my pajamas. He left, and I ran upstairs and got dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and went around my house collecting up all the stuff I’d want to do with my dad. I got baseballs, bats, footballs, jacks, everything I could think of. I sat on the couch with all this stuff in my lap all day. My mom woke up and asked me what I was doing. When I told her, she nodded and walked off. When I was still sitting there hours later, she came up to me and asked me to put all my toys away. I told her I couldn’t; I was saving them to play with Daddy. She told me that Daddy and I wouldn’t be going out that day. That was the last time we ever spoke about my father, and I haven’t heard from him since.
“After that, my mom started drinking a lot more. At first, it was only with meals. Then, between meals, too. Then she’d just get up in the middle of whatever she was doing to get a drink. She would just drink, and drink, and drink, until she passed out, or worse. I had to take care of her a lot, and because I had to take care of her, I also had to take care of Mikey. I felt like a father at twelve years old.
“Then, when I was fifteen, I filed for emancipation from my mother. She’d started doing drugs when I was thirteen, and had become completely unstable in the two years that her addiction had been going on. I moved out, used the money I’d been saving up for the occasion, and got my own shitty, little studio apartment. I got a second job, paid rent, bought groceries, and pretty much lived my life the way I wanted. If I wasn’t working, I’d go out partying. I’d drink so much, I’d have given my mother a run for her money. I don’t know how many different drugs I tried. Anything was better than knowing that my life was just spiraling downward. I missed a lot of school. I had no direction, no plans, I was failing everything, and I had completely severed ties with my mother. I was turning into a burnout.
“Then, one day, I get a call from a judge. He tells me that my mother’s been arrested and convicted on illegal drug charges and, when examined by various professionals, had been diagnosed as severely schizophrenic and bipolar. They told me that I was the only relative they could contact, and that I’d need to go down to the courthouse to sign some papers so I could take custody for Mikey.”
“What did you do?” Frank whispered, looking at a trembling Gerard, who didn’t dare look up, for fear of breaking down at the look that he knew was etched on Frank’s face: pity. He’d tried his best to tell the entire story in a monotone and not think about what he was saying; regardless, he felt tears pricking the backs of his eyes.
“Well, I freaked. I nearly pissed myself, I was so scared. I didn’t know how to raise a kid. I mean, I was barely making enough money to support myself as it was, how was I going to take care of my little brother? I mean, I was sixteen. I had gotten fired from one of my jobs and was struggling to make ends meet.” Gerard sighed, rubbing his face with his hand and struggling not to let any tears slip past the confines of his eyelids. He took deep, shaking breaths. An arm crossed his back and secured around his shoulder; Frank held him tightly. “So…I went down there, signed what they told me to sign, and went to see Mikey. I couldn’t believe how much he’d grown. I wanted to run up and give him a hug, but when I--when I approached him, he backed away. My own brother didn’t recognize me.” The tears were flowing now, and Gerard couldn’t stop them. He ran his sleeve under his nose to keep it from running as well, and struggled to continue without his voice breaking. “He was only, like, four when I left, so I don’t know what I was expecting. But in that moment, when he backed away and looked at me like I was some monster that he’d never seen before, I promised to never let that happen again. I never want to not be there for Mikey when he needs me ever again. I see now that it was selfish of me to leave him behind. I will never stop regretting that decision, as long as I live.” Choked sobs were spurting out of Gerard’s throat, and he buried his face in his hands. He hated himself; how could he be crying like this? “And even now,” he managed to get out between sobs. “Even now--I have no idea what I’m doing. It seems like I’m just doing everything wrong, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I just--” He took deep, shaking breaths and wiped his eyes once more, sniffing deeply and coughing a bit. He was so embarrassed; he was crying in front of Frank.
“Gerard,” the other boy said quietly. Gerard sniffed one more time and looked up. Frank cupped Gerard’s chin in one hand and pulled his face closer to his own. “It’ll be alright,” he said, placing his lips squarely on the other teen’s.
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“Okay, okay,” Gerard said as they pulled into the Belleville Elementary School parking lot. “Favorite…food?”
“Tacos. I fuckin’ love tacos,” Frank answered without hesitation, immediately beginning to think of a question to pose to the other boy. “Umm…Oh, okay, what’s your favorite movie?
“Ahh…” Gerard waved to Mikey, who was sitting dejectedly on the front steps of the school, his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. Gerard pointed to the back seat once he got his little brother’s attention. “I don’t know. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”
“Heya, Mikey,” Frank said, waving to the little boy fumbling around in the back seat.
“Hey, Mikes. Hurry up and get in, we’re dropping Frank off before we go home.” Gerard tried, for the second time that day, to wink at Frank, and he would have succeeded, had he not been wearing sunglasses. Damn. Now he just looked like he was staring at Frank with a creepy smile. Which he was, but…
“Hi, Gee,” Mikey said, crawling into the messy back seat. He pushed Gerard’s backpack, school books, and assorted other items that littered the seat to the floor of the car and buckled his seatbelt. “Hi, Frank.”
“What’s up, buddy?” Frank twisted around in his seat and smiled at his friend’s little brother.
“Nothin’. What’s up with you?” Mikey was suddenly shy; Gerard wished he’d open up a little to his friend. He didn’t want Frank to feel like Mikey didn’t like him.
“Nothing much. I was reading a comic in class today and I thought it seemed like one you might like.”
Mikey’s face lit up. “Really? What was it about?”
“You know what? Here, you have it, read it, and tell me what you think.” From his bag, Frank produced a comic book that he handed to a beaming Mikey, who grabbed it and grinned broadly.
“Thanks!” he exclaimed, opening it to the first page and beginning to read. Gerard was sure that he was smiling bigger than his little brother at that point.
“You really didn’t have to do that,” Gerard said through his cheek-stretching grin.
“That’s what’s great about doing nice things for people. You don’t have to, but you do anyway. It’s a nice choice to make.” Frank looked at Gerard and…Dear Lord, he winked. Again. Gerard gripped the steering wheel tightly, his cheeks growing hot and flushed.
“Thank you,” he mumbled, taking one hand off the wheel and sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “So…” he began, but was interrupted by a loud stomach-growl ripping through the air. Frank laughed and placed a hand on his abdomen.
“Sorry,” he chuckled. “Guess I should start bringing a lunch to school.” This gave Gerard an idea. But he was almost too…shy to suggest it…almost…
“Well, if you’re hungry, I know of a great pizza place up here on the corner.”
“No, you really don’t have to stop for me.”
“Please, I’m in no hurry.” Gerard passed the light that he usually turned at to get home and pulled into a parking lot. “Want some pizza for lunch, Mike?”
“Yeah…” Mikey murmured, still engrossed in the comic that Frank had given him. After a moment, his head popped up and his over-sized glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. “Yeah!” he said, pushing the glasses up and barreling out of the car. Both teens laughed and got out as well.
After getting their pizza, the three boys walked to a park that was across the street from the restaurant. Frank and Gerard took seats on a bench while Mikey ran to the swings and jumped on, taking off like a rocket immediately.
“Look, Gee!” he yelled from across the park. “I’m swinging all by myself! I don’t need anyone to push me!”
“That’s great, Mikes,” Gerard said, chuckling. He waved and gave the thumbs-up. Mikey went back to occupying himself. “That’s the great thing about this kid,” Gerard mused, his eyes following his brother protectively. “He’d be fine all day by himself if you left him alone. He can always find ways to entertain himself.”
“I see that. He’s a good kid.” Frank took a bite of his pizza and looked down at his lap. He seemed to be iffy on something, as though he wanted to say something, but didn’t at the same time.
“What’s on your mind, Frank?” Gerard asked nervously, wondering if he’d said something to upset his new friend.
Frank smiled broadly and made direct eye contact. He was almost trying too hard… “Nothing,” he said. “So…why don’t your parents pick Mikey up from school? Are they at work, or something?” Gerard’s head snapped up. He caught Frank’s eyes, and stared for a long moment. He furrowed his brow and leaned back, not taking his eyes from Frank’s.
“You know,” Gerard said in what was almost amazement. “How do you know?” Frank looked down again, examining his pizza very closely.
“I’m not supposed to say,” he mumbled, beginning to click his lip ring against his teeth, as was his nervous habit, Gerard was finding out. “But…Ray told me, between classes. He told me not to fuck with your life because you already had enough on your plate. He gave me a vague overview. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. Sorry,” he added quickly. Gerard sighed.
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, and you were bound to find out sooner or later. I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you.” Gerard balled up his napkin and flimsy paper plate and tossed them into the trash can behind the bench they were sitting on. He scooted closer to the other boy and folded his hands in his lap. He took a deep breath.
“When I was a kid, about eleven, I guess, and Mikey was just a year old, or so, my dad left. No warning, no goodbye, he was just gone. I was the only one around. Mikey was asleep, and my mother decided to take a nap as well, since Mikey pretty much never stopped crying back then. My dad came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He asked me if I wanted him to take me out to the park, this park, actually, when he got back from running his errands. I told him I did. It was early on a Saturday morning, so I was still in my pajamas. He left, and I ran upstairs and got dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and went around my house collecting up all the stuff I’d want to do with my dad. I got baseballs, bats, footballs, jacks, everything I could think of. I sat on the couch with all this stuff in my lap all day. My mom woke up and asked me what I was doing. When I told her, she nodded and walked off. When I was still sitting there hours later, she came up to me and asked me to put all my toys away. I told her I couldn’t; I was saving them to play with Daddy. She told me that Daddy and I wouldn’t be going out that day. That was the last time we ever spoke about my father, and I haven’t heard from him since.
“After that, my mom started drinking a lot more. At first, it was only with meals. Then, between meals, too. Then she’d just get up in the middle of whatever she was doing to get a drink. She would just drink, and drink, and drink, until she passed out, or worse. I had to take care of her a lot, and because I had to take care of her, I also had to take care of Mikey. I felt like a father at twelve years old.
“Then, when I was fifteen, I filed for emancipation from my mother. She’d started doing drugs when I was thirteen, and had become completely unstable in the two years that her addiction had been going on. I moved out, used the money I’d been saving up for the occasion, and got my own shitty, little studio apartment. I got a second job, paid rent, bought groceries, and pretty much lived my life the way I wanted. If I wasn’t working, I’d go out partying. I’d drink so much, I’d have given my mother a run for her money. I don’t know how many different drugs I tried. Anything was better than knowing that my life was just spiraling downward. I missed a lot of school. I had no direction, no plans, I was failing everything, and I had completely severed ties with my mother. I was turning into a burnout.
“Then, one day, I get a call from a judge. He tells me that my mother’s been arrested and convicted on illegal drug charges and, when examined by various professionals, had been diagnosed as severely schizophrenic and bipolar. They told me that I was the only relative they could contact, and that I’d need to go down to the courthouse to sign some papers so I could take custody for Mikey.”
“What did you do?” Frank whispered, looking at a trembling Gerard, who didn’t dare look up, for fear of breaking down at the look that he knew was etched on Frank’s face: pity. He’d tried his best to tell the entire story in a monotone and not think about what he was saying; regardless, he felt tears pricking the backs of his eyes.
“Well, I freaked. I nearly pissed myself, I was so scared. I didn’t know how to raise a kid. I mean, I was barely making enough money to support myself as it was, how was I going to take care of my little brother? I mean, I was sixteen. I had gotten fired from one of my jobs and was struggling to make ends meet.” Gerard sighed, rubbing his face with his hand and struggling not to let any tears slip past the confines of his eyelids. He took deep, shaking breaths. An arm crossed his back and secured around his shoulder; Frank held him tightly. “So…I went down there, signed what they told me to sign, and went to see Mikey. I couldn’t believe how much he’d grown. I wanted to run up and give him a hug, but when I--when I approached him, he backed away. My own brother didn’t recognize me.” The tears were flowing now, and Gerard couldn’t stop them. He ran his sleeve under his nose to keep it from running as well, and struggled to continue without his voice breaking. “He was only, like, four when I left, so I don’t know what I was expecting. But in that moment, when he backed away and looked at me like I was some monster that he’d never seen before, I promised to never let that happen again. I never want to not be there for Mikey when he needs me ever again. I see now that it was selfish of me to leave him behind. I will never stop regretting that decision, as long as I live.” Choked sobs were spurting out of Gerard’s throat, and he buried his face in his hands. He hated himself; how could he be crying like this? “And even now,” he managed to get out between sobs. “Even now--I have no idea what I’m doing. It seems like I’m just doing everything wrong, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I just--” He took deep, shaking breaths and wiped his eyes once more, sniffing deeply and coughing a bit. He was so embarrassed; he was crying in front of Frank.
“Gerard,” the other boy said quietly. Gerard sniffed one more time and looked up. Frank cupped Gerard’s chin in one hand and pulled his face closer to his own. “It’ll be alright,” he said, placing his lips squarely on the other teen’s.
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