Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue
I Need You
Nikki can't handle not being able to tell Tommy about his feelings for him. Will another overdose get him to confess?
?Blocked
Told From Nikki's pov
Okay so I was sitting in my closet again, needle in hand, freaking out. I haven't been doing heroin for months but I needed an escape. I hallucinated badly and this wouldn't have been strange if it weren't for the fact that I started to imagine really weird shit. It's not even the usual shit I used to imagine. There were no police officers at my door or bombs in my house or demons in my head. All I could see was Tommy, sitting there on my bed naked and I fucking wanted him. It had to be the heroin because I know for a fact that he wouldn't do this. But I couldn't blame the heroin for making me imagine this. I'd been kind of weird toward Tommy lately. Whenever I'd see him with a chick I'd get jealous and angry. I didn't fucking get it! I kept telling myself "Nikki Sixx you are not gay for your best friend!" but something inside me yearned for him. It killed me because I knew that he didn't feel the same, we're practically brothers for christ's sake! I opened the door to see if he was still there but the heroin has finally worn off and he was gone. I sat down where I saw him, but nothing indicated that he was ever here. Tears started to stream down my cheeks as I realized how much I needed Tommy. My heart was aching and I was alone. I picked up the phone and called him. "Hey what's up?.........Hello?" I heard from the other line. I couldn't even think of what to say, so I hung up and cried myself to sleep. I woke up a few hours later screaming. I'd dreamt that Tommy had killed himself before I told him how I felt. I began to cry again and ran into the bathroom to throw up. This wasn't healthy, but I didn't know what to do. Did I keep living like that and never tell Tommy about my feelings or tell him how I feel and fuck up our friendship? I went back to my closet and shot up again. This was too much for me to handle. I called Tommy again just to hear his voice,"Hello?" he says. "I need you...." as soon as I said that I passed out. Soon enough I was switching back and forth from reality to the depths of my mind. The first snap back to reality was when I heard my door being kicked in, but I passed out before I saw who did it. The next time I woke up in a car but I couldn't make out the driver. The last time I stayed in reality. I woke up in a hospital bed and there was someone sleeping at the foot of it. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to see it was Tommy. I nearly had a heart attack, but I stayed composed as I lightly shook him awake. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot. How long had he been here? Before I could ask him what happened tears streamed down his face and he hugged me. When he pulled away I asked him,"Tommy, what happened to me?" I was barely able to speak. "You almost overdosed again." he managed to choke out. "I thought I'd lost you for good this time. When you called me I heard you mumbling something incoherent so I figured I'd come over to see what was wrong. When I was coming up your driveway I saw you lying face down on the floor in your room through the window. I kicked the door down and drove you to the hospital, but I thought I had been too late." a small sob ripped from his throat. I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and rested his head on my chest while I tried to comfort him. Then all of the sudden he stood up and began yelling,"I thought you were fucking done with drugs Nikki! You promised me you'd stop! Why would you lie to me?!" he was starting to scare me. I began to cry and softly told him,"I didn't lie, I've been clean for months. I was just depressed and didn't know how to handle it." He grabbed my face and forced me to look at him while he screamed,"What the fuck was so bad that you would go and kill yourself like that?! What was so bad that you'd scare the shit out of me like this?!" I couldn't even find the voice to tell him that it was because I needed him but he didn't want me. Instead I ripped away from him and ran into the bathroom where I began violently throwing up. Tommy ran over and held my hair back while rubbing his hand up and down my back trying to soothe me. When I had finished he held me while I cried on the floor. He didn't bother asking why I had shot up again, probably because he hated seeing me like that. When the doctor told me I could go home Tommy helped me down to his car. No one said a word until we were parked in front of his house. I asked him,"Why aren't we at my house?" He turned to me almost angrily and said,"You expect me to trust you being alone after that?!" When he regained his composure he said in a much softer voice,"I just don't want to lose you Nikki." A couple of tears started to form in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away and got out of the car. Once we got inside he asked,"What would you like to eat for dinner?" I stared at him in disbelief," Dinner? But it's morning." He shook his head and pointed to the clock that read 6:00 p.m., I had been passed out all of last night and most of today! "It doesn't really matter to me." I told him. We ended up ordering a pizza. While we were eating I could tell Tommy was trying to figure out why I did it. I need to tell him. It was killing me inside to have him so close and to not be able to let him know how much I needed him. I never found the right time to tell him, and soon enough we were both exhausted. As I made my way to the couch he asked me,"Where do you think you're going? I can't trust you to be out here alone. What I you try to run off? You're sleeping in my bed tonight." I tilted my head in confusion,"Then where will you sleep?" I asked. "My bed, duh!" I blushed at the thought of it and hoped he didn't notice. When we got to the bedroom he handed me some sweat pants and a tee shirt. Once we were both in bed I started to dream. It was the same dream as before. Tommy killed himself and never found out how I felt. I must have been screaming because next thing I knew I was awakened by Tommy shaking me,"Nikki, wake up! It's only a dream, nothing happened." I start to cry again and he held me to his chest. "What's happening to you? What are you so afraid of?" he questioned. I looked up at him and said,"I dreamt that you killed yourself before I got to tell you...." I couldn't finish before the tears started up again. "Tell me what Nikki?" he stared deeply into my eyes. Then realization overcame his face. What happened next I never expected. He grabbed my face and brought it closer to his. "I understand." he said as he brushed his lips against mine causing me to wrap my arms around his neck. He kissed me softly then pulled back to see if that was what I wanted. I responded by bringing his mouth back to mine. This time he slipped his tongue in past my lips to explore my mouth, and I did the same to him. While our tongues mingled with one another I felt him slip his hands underneath my tee shirt. He began lifting it up and I parted our lips reluctantly to slip the tee shirt over my head and throw it on the floor. Tommy did the same and when he was finished he began to plant little nips and kisses all along my neck. When he bit down on my collarbone I cried out and clawed at his back. He looked up at me once again and said,"Am I the reason you shot heroin again? Is this my fault?" I teared up hearing him say such things. "No, I shot up because I couldn't handle not knowing how to tell you how I felt." I whispered as a tear streaked down my face. Tommy wiped it away and kissed me gently. He made his way down to my stomach, leaving a trail of kisses behind. Then he started to slide off my jeans and boxers while he kissed the side of my neck. He pulled away when I started tugging on his shorts so he could take them off. We were both extremely hard and when I saw how big Tommy was I practically gasped. At the sight of his naked body I breathlessly spit through my teeth,"Fuck me." His eyes widened with want and lust. Then a smirk came across his face."You're gonna have to get me wet before that can happen." At those words I grabbed his cock and began to stroke him slowly. A small moan escaped his lips and that's when I lost it. I took as much as I could of him into my mouth and began to bob my head. Soon enough his moans grew louder and he started panting. His fingers tangled in my hair as he tried to push my head down faster and harder onto his cock. When he was about to cum he managed to get out,"Nikki....stop, it's wet enough." I picked up my head and began to kiss him again. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he laid me in the middle of the bed. "Spread your legs." he mumbled as he put his head in between my legs. His tongue licked small circles around my hole and all I could do was clutch the sheets and whimper. This was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. Then he slipped his tongue inside of me, causing me to arch up off the bed and cry out in pleasure. Tommy giggled and continued until he was content. When he finished he took three fingers and put them in my mouth. I sucked on them until he pulled them away and began to finger me. When the first finger went in I cried out,"Ngggh, T-Tommy." Tommy went back up and kissed me softly as he slid the other two fingers in. I whimpered against his mouth and dug my nails into his back. Tommy pulled away and took his fingers out. Next he straddled my legs around his hips and moaned as he placed his cock at my waiting hole. All I could manage to get out was,"Please...Tommy, I need you." Without restraint he entered my body with a long drawn out groan. I screamed out in ecstasy,"Fuck, you're huge!" He let out a breathy laugh and began to thrust into me. Moans and whimpers ripped from my throat. They were silenced when Tommy brought his mouth back to mine for another messy, sultry kiss. Then he hit something inside me,"Oh fuck!" I screamed. He began to kiss my neck again as he repeatedly hit that spot dead on and cause me to scream with pleasure. Then he took my cock in his hand and began to jack me off in time with his thrusts. I dug my nails into his hips while I moaned. I was close. Then he hit that sweet spot one last time and I came all over both of our stomachs. He wasn't far behind and with a few more thrusts he came inside of me hitting my sweet spot and causing me to moan from the after wave of warmth and pleasure. He pulled out and laid next to me. He pulled me onto his chest so that my face was to his and he said,"I love you more than you will ever know, and I always have Nikki." I teared up and said,"I'm so sorry I scared you like that. I was just so afraid that you didn't love me the same way I love you." He pulled my mouth to his and kissed me passionately and with less urgency than before. "I love you so much Tommy." I told him as he held me. Then I drifted off to sleep in his arms, listening to the beautiful sound of the drummer's heartbeat.
Okay so I was sitting in my closet again, needle in hand, freaking out. I haven't been doing heroin for months but I needed an escape. I hallucinated badly and this wouldn't have been strange if it weren't for the fact that I started to imagine really weird shit. It's not even the usual shit I used to imagine. There were no police officers at my door or bombs in my house or demons in my head. All I could see was Tommy, sitting there on my bed naked and I fucking wanted him. It had to be the heroin because I know for a fact that he wouldn't do this. But I couldn't blame the heroin for making me imagine this. I'd been kind of weird toward Tommy lately. Whenever I'd see him with a chick I'd get jealous and angry. I didn't fucking get it! I kept telling myself "Nikki Sixx you are not gay for your best friend!" but something inside me yearned for him. It killed me because I knew that he didn't feel the same, we're practically brothers for christ's sake! I opened the door to see if he was still there but the heroin has finally worn off and he was gone. I sat down where I saw him, but nothing indicated that he was ever here. Tears started to stream down my cheeks as I realized how much I needed Tommy. My heart was aching and I was alone. I picked up the phone and called him. "Hey what's up?.........Hello?" I heard from the other line. I couldn't even think of what to say, so I hung up and cried myself to sleep. I woke up a few hours later screaming. I'd dreamt that Tommy had killed himself before I told him how I felt. I began to cry again and ran into the bathroom to throw up. This wasn't healthy, but I didn't know what to do. Did I keep living like that and never tell Tommy about my feelings or tell him how I feel and fuck up our friendship? I went back to my closet and shot up again. This was too much for me to handle. I called Tommy again just to hear his voice,"Hello?" he says. "I need you...." as soon as I said that I passed out. Soon enough I was switching back and forth from reality to the depths of my mind. The first snap back to reality was when I heard my door being kicked in, but I passed out before I saw who did it. The next time I woke up in a car but I couldn't make out the driver. The last time I stayed in reality. I woke up in a hospital bed and there was someone sleeping at the foot of it. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to see it was Tommy. I nearly had a heart attack, but I stayed composed as I lightly shook him awake. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot. How long had he been here? Before I could ask him what happened tears streamed down his face and he hugged me. When he pulled away I asked him,"Tommy, what happened to me?" I was barely able to speak. "You almost overdosed again." he managed to choke out. "I thought I'd lost you for good this time. When you called me I heard you mumbling something incoherent so I figured I'd come over to see what was wrong. When I was coming up your driveway I saw you lying face down on the floor in your room through the window. I kicked the door down and drove you to the hospital, but I thought I had been too late." a small sob ripped from his throat. I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and rested his head on my chest while I tried to comfort him. Then all of the sudden he stood up and began yelling,"I thought you were fucking done with drugs Nikki! You promised me you'd stop! Why would you lie to me?!" he was starting to scare me. I began to cry and softly told him,"I didn't lie, I've been clean for months. I was just depressed and didn't know how to handle it." He grabbed my face and forced me to look at him while he screamed,"What the fuck was so bad that you would go and kill yourself like that?! What was so bad that you'd scare the shit out of me like this?!" I couldn't even find the voice to tell him that it was because I needed him but he didn't want me. Instead I ripped away from him and ran into the bathroom where I began violently throwing up. Tommy ran over and held my hair back while rubbing his hand up and down my back trying to soothe me. When I had finished he held me while I cried on the floor. He didn't bother asking why I had shot up again, probably because he hated seeing me like that. When the doctor told me I could go home Tommy helped me down to his car. No one said a word until we were parked in front of his house. I asked him,"Why aren't we at my house?" He turned to me almost angrily and said,"You expect me to trust you being alone after that?!" When he regained his composure he said in a much softer voice,"I just don't want to lose you Nikki." A couple of tears started to form in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away and got out of the car. Once we got inside he asked,"What would you like to eat for dinner?" I stared at him in disbelief," Dinner? But it's morning." He shook his head and pointed to the clock that read 6:00 p.m., I had been passed out all of last night and most of today! "It doesn't really matter to me." I told him. We ended up ordering a pizza. While we were eating I could tell Tommy was trying to figure out why I did it. I need to tell him. It was killing me inside to have him so close and to not be able to let him know how much I needed him. I never found the right time to tell him, and soon enough we were both exhausted. As I made my way to the couch he asked me,"Where do you think you're going? I can't trust you to be out here alone. What I you try to run off? You're sleeping in my bed tonight." I tilted my head in confusion,"Then where will you sleep?" I asked. "My bed, duh!" I blushed at the thought of it and hoped he didn't notice. When we got to the bedroom he handed me some sweat pants and a tee shirt. Once we were both in bed I started to dream. It was the same dream as before. Tommy killed himself and never found out how I felt. I must have been screaming because next thing I knew I was awakened by Tommy shaking me,"Nikki, wake up! It's only a dream, nothing happened." I start to cry again and he held me to his chest. "What's happening to you? What are you so afraid of?" he questioned. I looked up at him and said,"I dreamt that you killed yourself before I got to tell you...." I couldn't finish before the tears started up again. "Tell me what Nikki?" he stared deeply into my eyes. Then realization overcame his face. What happened next I never expected. He grabbed my face and brought it closer to his. "I understand." he said as he brushed his lips against mine causing me to wrap my arms around his neck. He kissed me softly then pulled back to see if that was what I wanted. I responded by bringing his mouth back to mine. This time he slipped his tongue in past my lips to explore my mouth, and I did the same to him. While our tongues mingled with one another I felt him slip his hands underneath my tee shirt. He began lifting it up and I parted our lips reluctantly to slip the tee shirt over my head and throw it on the floor. Tommy did the same and when he was finished he began to plant little nips and kisses all along my neck. When he bit down on my collarbone I cried out and clawed at his back. He looked up at me once again and said,"Am I the reason you shot heroin again? Is this my fault?" I teared up hearing him say such things. "No, I shot up because I couldn't handle not knowing how to tell you how I felt." I whispered as a tear streaked down my face. Tommy wiped it away and kissed me gently. He made his way down to my stomach, leaving a trail of kisses behind. Then he started to slide off my jeans and boxers while he kissed the side of my neck. He pulled away when I started tugging on his shorts so he could take them off. We were both extremely hard and when I saw how big Tommy was I practically gasped. At the sight of his naked body I breathlessly spit through my teeth,"Fuck me." His eyes widened with want and lust. Then a smirk came across his face."You're gonna have to get me wet before that can happen." At those words I grabbed his cock and began to stroke him slowly. A small moan escaped his lips and that's when I lost it. I took as much as I could of him into my mouth and began to bob my head. Soon enough his moans grew louder and he started panting. His fingers tangled in my hair as he tried to push my head down faster and harder onto his cock. When he was about to cum he managed to get out,"Nikki....stop, it's wet enough." I picked up my head and began to kiss him again. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he laid me in the middle of the bed. "Spread your legs." he mumbled as he put his head in between my legs. His tongue licked small circles around my hole and all I could do was clutch the sheets and whimper. This was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. Then he slipped his tongue inside of me, causing me to arch up off the bed and cry out in pleasure. Tommy giggled and continued until he was content. When he finished he took three fingers and put them in my mouth. I sucked on them until he pulled them away and began to finger me. When the first finger went in I cried out,"Ngggh, T-Tommy." Tommy went back up and kissed me softly as he slid the other two fingers in. I whimpered against his mouth and dug my nails into his back. Tommy pulled away and took his fingers out. Next he straddled my legs around his hips and moaned as he placed his cock at my waiting hole. All I could manage to get out was,"Please...Tommy, I need you." Without restraint he entered my body with a long drawn out groan. I screamed out in ecstasy,"Fuck, you're huge!" He let out a breathy laugh and began to thrust into me. Moans and whimpers ripped from my throat. They were silenced when Tommy brought his mouth back to mine for another messy, sultry kiss. Then he hit something inside me,"Oh fuck!" I screamed. He began to kiss my neck again as he repeatedly hit that spot dead on and cause me to scream with pleasure. Then he took my cock in his hand and began to jack me off in time with his thrusts. I dug my nails into his hips while I moaned. I was close. Then he hit that sweet spot one last time and I came all over both of our stomachs. He wasn't far behind and with a few more thrusts he came inside of me hitting my sweet spot and causing me to moan from the after wave of warmth and pleasure. He pulled out and laid next to me. He pulled me onto his chest so that my face was to his and he said,"I love you more than you will ever know, and I always have Nikki." I teared up and said,"I'm so sorry I scared you like that. I was just so afraid that you didn't love me the same way I love you." He pulled my mouth to his and kissed me passionately and with less urgency than before. "I love you so much Tommy." I told him as he held me. Then I drifted off to sleep in his arms, listening to the beautiful sound of the drummer's heartbeat.
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