Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
Goodbye And Goodluck
Gerard is about to marry Lynz, but will a face from the past change everything?
?Blocked
INTRO
DESOLÉ
"So, Desolé we would like to end this interview by asking you some rather personal questions. Is that okay with you?” The interviewer asked. I sighed and looked down at my pale and tiny hands. They were obviously going to be about my past relationship with Gerard. Everybody wanted to know and up until now I wasn’t ready to discuss it. My fans deserved to know what happened. I was doing this for them, myself and nobody else. I’ll feel better if I get this off my chest, right?
“Sure, let’s do it.” I said finally, feigning a smile. The interviewer, Dian, smiled back and looked down at her note cards. I braced myself for what was about to come.
“So you were dating Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance.” There it was. After about five years it still felt like a smack in the face. It was like a hole in my heart and it still stung when the wind blew through it. “What happened with that?” Dian continued. I looked up at her.
“I left him.” I said simply. I wanted to give off the impression that these questions didn’t bother me, but in truth I could feel my heart crumbling inside my chest. I was going to have to fight to keep myself from breaking down on live TV.
“Why is that?” Dian asked softly, gently almost. I took another big shaky breath in and paused before answering. I had to prepare myself mentally, even though I had been doing so all morning. As “prepared” as I thought I was nothing could help me in this fight to keep control of my emotions.
“It’s a very long story.” I said, pinching my thigh discretely to keep from losing it. Maybe I could make an excuse and not have to talk about. This was my last resort. Diana nodded silently for a second and then shuffled her note cards in her lap.
“We have an hour. Why don’t you tell us what happened?” She insisted. There would be no avoiding it now. I took a third big breath in and twiddled my thumbs. I just hoped I could get through the story without crying…
“Well, I had just turned eighteen when we met. He was going on twenty six so there was a huge age gap. It was the first real tour his band had ever been on and it was the same with me. At first I didn’t like him. I thought he was rather rude. But then we got to know each other really well over time and we became really close friends. We were sort of like drinking buddies at the time I guess. And after a few months we started performing with each other onstage. And one night we were doing a cover of the Morningwood song “Take Off Your Clothes”, just as friends. But when we were walking backstage he took my hand in his and held onto it. And I’m not sure how or what exactly, but something clicked between us that night and after that we were a couple. And then only a year later we got engaged. I think it was the happiest time in our lives…” I said, having paused to catch myself. I was smiling slightly from the fond memories shared between us. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. The words were spilling and stumbling from my mouth like they were trying to escape.
“So what happened to that if you two were so happy together?” Dian asked, staring down at me intensely. I ignored her stare and looked at my Mary Jane-style shoes.
“He was really heavy into drinking. And drugs.” I added. “But that isn’t why I left. I wanted to be there for him, to help him. But he didn’t want my help, or anybody else’s for that matter. I was only nineteen at when all of this was happening. I was too young. I was in over my head.”
“So you left because you were in over your head?” Dian inquired. I shook my head fervently and pinched my thigh again to stop the tears from spilling out. I was not going to be made the bad guy in this situation.
“No…I was tired of being put second to the drugs and alcohol. I felt like I was being replaced by them. That’s why I broke off the engagement. I couldn’t handle it. Little did I know things were about to get so much worse for him. But then he got better and sober soon after that…” I mumbled, biting my trembling lower lip. Memories flashed before my eyes; rain on the windshield, bottle upon bottle of pills, a razor blade and a mirror found under a pillow, a bottle of unopened champagne thrown against the wall, and a diamond ring slammed on the counter and left behind…
“I understand that it’s been almost five years since you’ve seen him. Do you ever miss him?” Dian asked, snapping me out of my thoughts for which I was grateful.
“No, I miss the person he could’ve been.” I said strongly.
“And what do you mean by that?” she asked, her voice intense and busy sounding like a female new caster. I guess she was trying to sound professional. I just sat there and stared at my lap, ignoring her question. Dian sensed this and moved on to her next question.
“Now there were a lot of nasty rumors circulating about your break up? What do you have to say about this?” she asked after shuffling her cards once again.
“I don’t know. Some people say I cheated on him or that he cheated on me. I remember there was one that I aborted his baby. Of course none of that is true, but it hurt to know that people thought those things. I don’t know why anybody would be so cruel and vile toward me. I don’t think I’m at fault.” I said truthfully.
“And Gerard is?” she asked. I was appalled by the question.
“Of course not! Nobody is! What happened between us was nobody’s fault. It was the booze and the drugs. That’s the only thing I can think to blame.” I said defensively. Dian nodded in approval.
“You’re aware that he just recently got engaged with Lindsey Balloto, from Mindless Self Indulgence?” Dian asked. I nodded quietly. “How does that make you feel?” I felt like I was in therapy again.
“I’m happy for him. I’m glad we’ve both been able to move on.” I lied through gritted teeth. I didn’t hate Lindsey and I wasn’t jealous. I had just never gotten over Gerard and wished more than anything for another chance.
“Do you ever regret leaving him?” Dian asked, shuffling to her final note card. The interview as just about over thank god. I didn’t think I could take much more of this.
“No, I don’t.” I said, the lie slipping through my teeth like a dagger. What I didn’t say was “more than anything I’ve ever done before”…
DESOLÉ
"So, Desolé we would like to end this interview by asking you some rather personal questions. Is that okay with you?” The interviewer asked. I sighed and looked down at my pale and tiny hands. They were obviously going to be about my past relationship with Gerard. Everybody wanted to know and up until now I wasn’t ready to discuss it. My fans deserved to know what happened. I was doing this for them, myself and nobody else. I’ll feel better if I get this off my chest, right?
“Sure, let’s do it.” I said finally, feigning a smile. The interviewer, Dian, smiled back and looked down at her note cards. I braced myself for what was about to come.
“So you were dating Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance.” There it was. After about five years it still felt like a smack in the face. It was like a hole in my heart and it still stung when the wind blew through it. “What happened with that?” Dian continued. I looked up at her.
“I left him.” I said simply. I wanted to give off the impression that these questions didn’t bother me, but in truth I could feel my heart crumbling inside my chest. I was going to have to fight to keep myself from breaking down on live TV.
“Why is that?” Dian asked softly, gently almost. I took another big shaky breath in and paused before answering. I had to prepare myself mentally, even though I had been doing so all morning. As “prepared” as I thought I was nothing could help me in this fight to keep control of my emotions.
“It’s a very long story.” I said, pinching my thigh discretely to keep from losing it. Maybe I could make an excuse and not have to talk about. This was my last resort. Diana nodded silently for a second and then shuffled her note cards in her lap.
“We have an hour. Why don’t you tell us what happened?” She insisted. There would be no avoiding it now. I took a third big breath in and twiddled my thumbs. I just hoped I could get through the story without crying…
“Well, I had just turned eighteen when we met. He was going on twenty six so there was a huge age gap. It was the first real tour his band had ever been on and it was the same with me. At first I didn’t like him. I thought he was rather rude. But then we got to know each other really well over time and we became really close friends. We were sort of like drinking buddies at the time I guess. And after a few months we started performing with each other onstage. And one night we were doing a cover of the Morningwood song “Take Off Your Clothes”, just as friends. But when we were walking backstage he took my hand in his and held onto it. And I’m not sure how or what exactly, but something clicked between us that night and after that we were a couple. And then only a year later we got engaged. I think it was the happiest time in our lives…” I said, having paused to catch myself. I was smiling slightly from the fond memories shared between us. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. The words were spilling and stumbling from my mouth like they were trying to escape.
“So what happened to that if you two were so happy together?” Dian asked, staring down at me intensely. I ignored her stare and looked at my Mary Jane-style shoes.
“He was really heavy into drinking. And drugs.” I added. “But that isn’t why I left. I wanted to be there for him, to help him. But he didn’t want my help, or anybody else’s for that matter. I was only nineteen at when all of this was happening. I was too young. I was in over my head.”
“So you left because you were in over your head?” Dian inquired. I shook my head fervently and pinched my thigh again to stop the tears from spilling out. I was not going to be made the bad guy in this situation.
“No…I was tired of being put second to the drugs and alcohol. I felt like I was being replaced by them. That’s why I broke off the engagement. I couldn’t handle it. Little did I know things were about to get so much worse for him. But then he got better and sober soon after that…” I mumbled, biting my trembling lower lip. Memories flashed before my eyes; rain on the windshield, bottle upon bottle of pills, a razor blade and a mirror found under a pillow, a bottle of unopened champagne thrown against the wall, and a diamond ring slammed on the counter and left behind…
“I understand that it’s been almost five years since you’ve seen him. Do you ever miss him?” Dian asked, snapping me out of my thoughts for which I was grateful.
“No, I miss the person he could’ve been.” I said strongly.
“And what do you mean by that?” she asked, her voice intense and busy sounding like a female new caster. I guess she was trying to sound professional. I just sat there and stared at my lap, ignoring her question. Dian sensed this and moved on to her next question.
“Now there were a lot of nasty rumors circulating about your break up? What do you have to say about this?” she asked after shuffling her cards once again.
“I don’t know. Some people say I cheated on him or that he cheated on me. I remember there was one that I aborted his baby. Of course none of that is true, but it hurt to know that people thought those things. I don’t know why anybody would be so cruel and vile toward me. I don’t think I’m at fault.” I said truthfully.
“And Gerard is?” she asked. I was appalled by the question.
“Of course not! Nobody is! What happened between us was nobody’s fault. It was the booze and the drugs. That’s the only thing I can think to blame.” I said defensively. Dian nodded in approval.
“You’re aware that he just recently got engaged with Lindsey Balloto, from Mindless Self Indulgence?” Dian asked. I nodded quietly. “How does that make you feel?” I felt like I was in therapy again.
“I’m happy for him. I’m glad we’ve both been able to move on.” I lied through gritted teeth. I didn’t hate Lindsey and I wasn’t jealous. I had just never gotten over Gerard and wished more than anything for another chance.
“Do you ever regret leaving him?” Dian asked, shuffling to her final note card. The interview as just about over thank god. I didn’t think I could take much more of this.
“No, I don’t.” I said, the lie slipping through my teeth like a dagger. What I didn’t say was “more than anything I’ve ever done before”…
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