FicWad

The ride home (to Cristina’s apartment first and then his own) was pretty quiet for Jim. Despite their earlier conversation in Lorraine’s house, when they did talk in the car, it was pretty much about what they’re going to do for the new year, including some resolutions. Cristina said that she was going to buy fewer shoes and make some steps in finding a job as a chef. Jim said that he really couldn’t think of too many resolutions, other than try and make small steps into finding a job doing something that he likes. Teaching guitar crept into his mind for the first time. He likes building cars, but there are only certain automobiles he can do, and he prefers to do it in a quiet place, not in some small cramped room where people are shouting at each other. Plus he pretty much has to get things done as fast as possible. He thought it’d be awesome to own his own car shop and have more freedom, and at least he’d get paid a little more. Alternatively, he misses playing guitar. He’s sure that the hitmen destroyed it back in Jacksonville. But is he willing to deal with kids who really have no patience? Alternatively, maybe some band wants him to play a gig. Dammit, if he had his guitar right now, he would know what to do.

After he dropped off Cristina, he tries to focus his thoughts on future job choices, and then his thoughts shifts to Corey. How can he even think about his job choices when the one person that really needed a job was Corey? At least Jim has a steady job. His boss has never been really shady either. Then he’s thought about the way he’s been treating his friend lately. He curses himself, wondering why his thoughts are on this man again. He knows that he probably will not be able to sleep now. He has made up his mind to see him tomorrow night; he’s much too tired and he’s sure that the guy is probably asleep by now. The last thing he really wants to do right now is disturbing him and create an even bigger rift between them. Walking to the elevator and pressing the button “three,” he leans against the wall, trying to figure out what he should say to Corey when he’s ready to see him. By the time he is at his floor (he would just walk, but he’s too tired and the flights of stairs look longer than usual for him), he decides to wait until he’s in his room, in his warm bed. It is when he’s walking to his apartment when he spots someone sitting on the floor by his door and smoking. He raises an eyebrow and walks closer, and his heart skips a beat when it’s none other than Corey.

He finds himself stopping, especially after the shorter man takes a drag of his cigarette and spots Jim with nervous eyes. The pair of blues eyes looks up at the pair of brown eyes for a moment. Jim slowly walks over to the door, looking at anything but Corey as he unlocks the door, figuring out something to say without sounding stupid. The shorter man clears his throat. “I, uh...” Jim blinks down at Corey, who just stares at his cigarette. He sighs and rests his head against the wall and speaks softly, “I was going to go to my room, but I stopped here.” Feeling guilty for the harsh way he treated Jim (but he’s still mad at the way he was treated in the first place), he felt that if they don’t talk soon, things would get worse between them. So he stopped and decided to wait for the man. “Wasn’t sure if I should call you and say we should meet, because...” he shrugs, “you know, you haven’t returned my calls and shit. I was thinking about, you know, the fact that we really need to talk.” He cautiously looks up at Jim, hoping that the man is willing to consider. “It doesn’t have to be right now.”

“No, we can talk,” Jim immediately responds, trying to remain casual and not nervous as he opens the door. He pauses and wonders whether he should look at him. “I....well, I’ve thought about talking to you as well,” he whispers. Of course now he really won’t have the time to formulate the right words to say to Corey. How can he tell the guy that the reason he’s been avoiding him was because of his desires for him? What’s a good way to say that?

Corey looks up at this statement, and he sighs and stands up, putting out his cigarette on a wall. No one will notice anyway. “Well, it can’t be here,” he replies. “I called Craig. He said that he and Sid were on their way back here, and that they were going to sleep here.” Jim raises an eyebrow at that, and he shuts the door again. Corey looks up at the tall man and bites the inside of his lips. “So, um...I guess we should go to my apartment.” Jim’s heart skips a beat at that, but he simply nods. Corey sees that, and he nods and takes a deep breath. “All right....c’mon.” At that, he walks over to the other end of the hallway to the flight of stairs. Jim takes a deep breath as well and follows him.

Neither says anything as they walk up to Corey’s floor and up to his and Craig’s apartment, room 416. Jim admits that he’s only been in this apartment maybe twice—during the pre-Thanksgiving party, and then one night when Jim came to see how Corey was doing. That was just before the night at Flashing Lights. Corey unlocks and opens the door, walking in and holding the door for the taller man. After the door is shut, Corey leans down to turn on a lamp next to the loveseat on the wall next to the door, and then he takes off his coat and hangs it on a chair at the kitchen. He tells Jim to make himself at home while he turns on the kitchen light, and Jim simply sighs and sits down, feeling pretty awkward still. He takes off his coat and wonders if the other man will turn on the television. Usually Corey has it on, whenever there’s news anyway. It’s funny. The last time he’s seen Corey a decade ago and before, the guy was never really interested in what went on in the world, but Jim saw him as intelligent even then.

Anyway, he believes that he might as well say something now; the silence was getting to him fast. Corey’s trying to figure out what he’s done with the drinks that he took from the party while he walks back to the living room. Jim sighs and, with his hands on his lap, he looks up and whispers, “I’m sorry.” Corey blinks at this, and it doesn’t take Jim long to realize that he’s snapped the shorter man from his thoughts. As Jim twiddles his thumbs a little, and Corey swallows, slowly walking over to sit down on the sofa. Jim then continues, “I realize that I’ve been avoiding you lately.”

“Yeah?” Corey replies quietly, staring at the coffee table with his hands on his lap. He looks up at him and shrugs, trying to hide the hurt that has manifested in him. “You haven’t been returning my calls, either,” he points out, feeling the need to do so.

An exasperated sigh comes from Jim’s lips. “Yeah, I know,” he responds almost firmly. As far as he’s concerned, Corey really did not need to tell him what was already completely obvious and had been established. He hopes that this conversation doesn’t end badly.

Corey sighs, glancing back at the table. He wants another cigarette already to calm his nerves. “Why?” he simply whispers, and Jim’s heart skips a beat at such a voice. The shorter man speaks louder, “ ‘Cause...I mean, you’ve been talking to everyone except me, and you’ve talked to everyone—except me.” Well not everyone; Jim hasn’t talked to anyone in his family other than Amanda since Christmas. But that’s a different story. “And,” Corey continues, “you’ve suddenly decided to hang out with your girlfriend.” The other man becomes somewhat irritable at this, and Corey shakes his head, his heart beating a little faster. “I mean...look, maybe I’ve bored you too much, or pushed you away, because I’ve been whining about not having a job. Is that it? Or maybe I just plain disgust you.”

Jim closes his eyes and wants to leave, his tired head bothering him, as well as dealing with the berating that Corey’s giving him. He slowly looks up at him and replies, “You didn’t pushed me away, Corey, and you don’t disgust me. You never disgust me.” He’s more disgusted at himself, really. He then speaks in a somewhat annoyed voice, “And stop calling her my girlfriend.”

“Pfft.” Corey chuckles dryly, having ignored the taller man disproving his fears about being pushed away. He leans back and replies, “Of come off it, dude.” He then glances at Jim, his smile fading, and his heart beats faster again, not really wanting to relive that day at the mall. “I mean, you fucking kissed her at the mall! If that doesn’t prove anything, well shit, I dunno what does.” Jim slowly looks up at that, his eyes widening. He and Cristina had been at the mall quite a few times, and not just one mall, either. Since he only kissed her that one time, he realizes that Corey has been there that day as well. The latter becomes somewhat nervous, wanting Jim to say something about it.

The other man stares at his thumbs, the guilt coming back at full force. He clears his throat. “I did kiss her,” he confesses. He wonders if now’s the right time to say what he needs to say. It’s certainly easier said than done.

Corey grunts, letting his jealously slip, and sits back up again. “So obviously you feel something for her,” he mutters, crossing his arms. “Can’t really blame her. She sounds like a fun person.”

Jim sighs exasperatedly at that statement, losing his patience at this whole thing. “Look,” he begins firmly, his hands in front of him for a moment. “I had a crush on her, all right? A simple crush. You know, I really don’t know why you’re making a big deal out of her. I told you that I was sorry, and I know that I’m wrong.” When Corey was about to interrupt, Jim keeps talking. “I’m sorry I avoided you. I was a fucking asshole for doing it, and I don’t even deserve a time of your day, so really...why are we having this conversation?” The shorter man feels hurt by that, and he sighs and leans back again, looking at the television. Jim continues in a softer tone, “I know you won’t forgive me anytime soon, and I can live with that.” Not really. “I just need you to hear me out, you know, I...” he takes a deep breath and shakes his head, “I’ve been avoiding you for a good reason. I think to me anyway. And it isn’t you. I told you, you’ve not pushed me away or anything. It’s me. It’s all me.” He speaks with a certain amount of torture evident in his voice. He gulps, and his heart beats rapidly at the next sentence that comes out of his mouth. “I did have a crush on her, but it’s...” he hesitates, “it’s nothing compared to what I want to do with you right now...” He cautiously looks up at Corey, who slowly looks up at him.

Unsure what Jim is getting at, the shorter man blinks and whispers, “What do you want to do with me?”

Jim gnaws on the inside of his bottom lip and looks down at the coffee table. Why does he have to say this? He really wishes he could keep this inside, but it’s too late now. And besides, things would get worse in their friendship if he kept it inside himself. He sighs, leans down, and runs a hand through his hair, which at that point was still in tied up in a bun with his hair band. “I...” he begins, knowing there’s no right way to say this, “I’ve had thoughts about you.” He swallows. “Sexual thoughts.”

This pretty much shocks Corey, whose eyes slowly widen even more. He is unable to really speak, and to be honest, can he believe what’s come out of Jim’s mouth right now?

Jim looks up at the shorter man again. “I mean, ever since we did...you know...in that closet, all I could think about was...what could’ve happened if you didn’t get sick.” He shakes his head. “Or what if we had gone on further? And...and it’s something that I’ve wanted and thought about.” Looking away from Corey, he takes a deep breath. “And I fucking hate it, because it’s not what I want with us. I want us to be best friends; I don’t want to think about fucking you. I’m not in love with you or anything, but I don’t want to be lusting after my best friend. I just don’t.”

Corey is almost unable to swallow at this point. He composes himself and sighs deeply. “So, you’ve basically thought about sleeping with me?” he whispers, thought it comes out more as a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” Jim can only exhale. “I thought about doing some...sexual stuff with you. If anything, I was afraid that you’d be disgusted with me. I just...” he sighs deeply. “I feel so fucking dismantled—whenever someone mentions your name, or whenever I see your name and number on my phone. I couldn’t call you. I tried so hard to stop these thoughts, but then you’re with Stephanie, and I fucking hate it. I feel selfish, wanting to do...do things like that with you.” It pains Corey to hear this, and it pains to think that all along.... Maybe that is why Jim said that they should pretend that never happened. He assumed Corey hated it. Well, the guy was jealous of Cristina because he thought she was taking Jim away from him as a friend. He knew thinking about sex was out of the question, so he learned to get over that. But now, upon hearing that Jim wants him (and from the sound of his voice, badly), maybe it’s okay to think about those thoughts again. He wants to tell Jim that he feels the same way. Maybe it’s foolish to think about sleeping with his best friend. But, as said before, he loved what they did in that closet. He never felt so...so relaxed when they kissed and made out like that. He felt some real comfort and alleviation from stress thanks to Jim kissing and touching him. He isn’t sure if it’s because of their past. Then again, maybe that’s what he’s been craving all along from Jim. Or maybe that feeling of relaxation he got from Jim in the closet was what he really wanted, more than just plain platonic comfort. It kind of scares him; he shouldn’t want this out of Jim. In a way, he would be using him. He’s slept with Stephanie a few times, and that feeling never happened with her.

He stands up and slowly walks over to where Jim is sitting, by the arm-rest, and he sits on it. Jim looks up at him and wonders what made Corey sit so close to him. If anything, he thought he would sit further away. Corey tries to formulate what he wants to say to Jim. First, he wants to tell the tall man that it’s okay for him to have these thoughts about him, and that there’s nothing to really be ashamed of. When Jim whispers that he is sorry, Corey replies, “Don’t be sorry. It’s not selfish.” He then says, “I’m not disgusted by you, either.” He gently places his hand on Jim’s shoulder, and the latter sighs gently at the warm touch. He feels the weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and is relieved that Corey wants to be around him again.

But he needs some reassuring, so he gently asks, “You’re not repulsed by me?” Corey shakes his head.

“No,” he whispers. “No, Jim, you’re still the same person.” He hesitates, then, with the hand still on Jim’s shoulder. As he slowly rubs his thumb on the area in circles, he continues, “I just wished I had known, you know?” Jim begins to feel the pit of his stomach react to the touch, and it has nothing to do with being sick. He slowly leans forward with his elbows on his knees, an attempt to get Corey’s hand off him. The latter blinks and wonders why he’s reacting this way. He stops touching his shoulder, however, wondering if this was okay.

Jim buries his face in the palms of his hands, and then he rubs his temples. “I couldn’t tell you,” he replies. “I told you...I...” he sighs and shakes his head. “It wasn’t good...to fantasize about what I wanted to do with you.” He looks up at Corey, who can only blink at such a statement. When Jim looks down at the coffee table again, the shorter man hesitates, before he slowly lifts his hand to rub Jim’s warm back. It is partly to comfort the tall man, but it was also Corey craving the man’s warmth. He’s not sure if he should say anything at first, because he feels the man tense slightly. It’s kind of an interesting sight, because it seems as if that the tall man probably likes the touch. Indeed, Jim can only close his eyes at the warm feeling of the man’s hand, and every nerve of his body tingles slightly as Corey very softly trails his fingers down this spine. He sighs deeply. “What are you doing?” he finally whispers, not looking at the man. Corey stops and swallows.

He’s not completely sure how to respond to that. “Well...I’m trying to relax you,” he replies. He slowly places his hand on Jim’s shoulder again. “I guess...” He sighs. “I guess I wanted to tell you that...you know...” He slowly looks up at Jim shyly, and then he grasps the man’s hand. “I wanted you to know that I don’t mind.” Yes, maybe Jim can figure out what that means. However, Jim simply takes it as confirmation that Corey is okay with the man having these thoughts about him. However, the fact that the shorter man is so close to him like this and touching him is making Jim uncomfortable. It is bringing up the fear inside him that if Corey doesn’t stop soon, Jim may give into his desires and makes things worse for both the shorter man and himself.

So, he scoots over slightly, taking a deep breath. He closes his eyes and speaks, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to do that, Corey.” He too craves for a cigarette, to calm his nerves right about now.

Now, Corey becomes somewhat frustrated at the fact that maybe Jim isn’t getting the message after all. The last thing he needs is convincing the guy all night that he wants him. He can only respond, “I’m telling you that I don’t mind—”

“But I do, okay?” Jim replies after he sighs exasperatedly, and Corey can only blink at him. The taller man stands up, wishing these thoughts would go away, and he reaches for his packet of cigarettes. He assumes Corey doesn’t mind since he’s a smoker as well. He looks down at the packet in his hand, and he notices that his thumbs and fingers are unsteady if not really trembling. He opens up the packet, but then he stops. He can’t even look at Corey at this point, and he closes his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, calming down, although the guilt inside him becomes stronger. “I just...I can’t have you so close to me like that, or just touching me,” he says, “because I could...I could do something, and I’m afraid of that.”

It doesn’t take Corey long to understand what Jim meant by that, and it ends up angering him. He sighs exasperatedly as well. “Dude, you’re not a fucking sexual beast who can’t control his fucking urges!” he snaps. “And don’t go saying that you are because I know you, Jim. I know how you were. You’re not a damn pervert.” He doesn’t dare mention anymore than that. To be honest, would they be ready to talk about their past together (and by past, I mean when they were sleeping with each other)? Because they haven’t at all.

Jim crosses his arms and counters against this, “People can change over the years.” It’s not that he thinks he’s a pervert or a sex beast, but....

Corey rolls his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair, looking down. He sighs. “Jim, I’m touching you, okay, because I want to.” He doesn’t care how weird that sounds. “I’m touching you because I’m hoping that you’d actually want to touch me!” He glances at him. “I want that, okay? You’re not disgusting, you’re not a sex beast, you’re James fucking Root. That guy that said he wanted me at the smoking room, who gave me head first, who gave me /kisses/.” He doesn’t realize until afterwards that he’s out of breath now. Jim simply blinks at the shorter man’s comment. Obviously he is very surprised that Corey wants him to touch him. His heart beats rapidly, and he swallows, wanting to say something. He ends up saying nothing right now; he would rather to wait until he won’t sound as stupid. He needs the guy to state that more clearly. Corey meanwhile shakes his head and whispers, “Fuck...” He then looks up at him, cocking his head to the side. “You should’ve let me talk at the mailroom. Maybe I rubbed off on you or something, because you were so quick to jump to your conclusions.” Though he admits that he did that as well. “I really wanted you to hear what I needed to say that day. Come on over here. Please?” He extends his arm and gently pulls the wide-eyed Jim toward him. The taller man tries to point out that he shouldn’t be near Corey, but the latter shuts him up and gently pulls him down to the loveseat. Jim sighs exasperatedly, but he decides to comply with his friend, unsure what the guy will really say or do.

Corey takes a deep breath, and he slowly reaches out and takes Jim’s hand. The latter swallows and closes his eyes, and he doesn’t dare look at Corey, who looks at Jim’s reactions. He remembers how tense Jim was when he was pretty close to him that night he lost his job. He slowly rubs his thumb against the man’s hand, feeling a bit hesitant about touching him now, and he mentally swears at himself for not really doing anything. He’s nervous himself. Yeah, both of them were completely wasted in the closet, but in this case, they are...well, not too sober, but not really drunk, either. So their fears are inhibiting them even more. Corey looks down at Jim’s hand, kind of wishing that he were on the other side, so he could touch the tattoos on Jim’s right arm under his sleeve. Then he remembers that there’s a tattoo of a woman inside a square on his other arm. So, he slowly and carefully lifts the tall man’s sleeve, feeling the butterflies flutter inside his stomach, and Jim takes a deep breath, looking at what the former is doing. Corey swallows and looks up at Jim for a moment, and then his lips, wanting to kiss them. He turns his attention back to the man’s tattoo and uses his index finger to trace the black outlines of the tattoo.

Jim’s breath hitches at the very soft touch, the sensation almost becoming an itch, and the man can only close his eyes again and swallow as butterflies flutter in his stomach. Corey takes note of the movement of Jim’s Adam’s apple, as well as the way his eyebrows arch and dent. He looks down at his skin as if the permanent ink has tainted it now, and he soon ends up falling in love with the creamy and warm skin. Jim meanwhile tries to think about why would Corey want anyone like him. He thinks about the past and how it ended, and then he thinks about their night at the closet, thinking that what they did have made the guy feel this way as well. But then he comes to a realization—something he’s forgotten possibly due to being so drunk that night; even though Jim’s words led them to the closet, none of this would’ve happened if Corey hadn’t kissed him in the smoking room to begin with.

“Why did you kiss me?” he whispers. Corey blinks at that, snapped from his thoughts, and he stops touching the man’s skin.

He pulls away from Jim then, unsure of how he should really explain this. The thing is, he really isn’t sure why he went in the smoking room and kissed him. He shrugs and finally whispers, “I don’t know.” He leans back against the loveseat and shakes his head, his eyes on the ceiling. “I mean...” he sighs, and he thinks that he might as well say it. “I was jealous,” he begins, “of Cristina. I was always jealous of her.”

Jim simply blinks at such a statement. He was always wondering why Corey has had such a grudge against her, and now he sees that they’re getting somewhere with this. “Why would you be jealous of Cristina?” he asks, though he believes he may already know the answer, or part of it. He looks down at the coffee table and continues, “I’m guessing it was because I had a crush on her or something...”

The shorter man sighs deeply and shrugs. “I guess,” he replies. “To be honest, I was a little jealous of the both of you.” Jim glances at him at this statement. Corey clears his throat and continues, “Because, it was like, I didn’t have anybody, you know? You know the word—single. I mean, I had tried not to really care about that. I guess the only reason I ended up caring was because I saw you two together and I realized that I was never going to have that significant other to really turn to. I used to not really give a shit after the divorce, and I thought I could handle things on my own, emotionally.” Plus Scarlett really was no help. It was better to rely on yourself, especially emotionally. He then glances at Jim. “But then you came back,” he whispers, “and when I was feeling like crap, man, you were always there. I guess seeing you with her made me realize you were going to dump your friend for some girl.”

Jim stops Corey right there, surprised that the latter would ever assume such a thing. He faces him and speaks firmly, “You know that I would never dump you for her.” He tries to assure him, moving closer so that he could see his face. “Even if we got together, I wouldn’t.” Corey can only look into Jim’s eyes at those words, almost finding some comfort in what the tall man has said. However, everything that has happened within the past two weeks brings doubt into his mind.

He almost whines and turns away, “But you did, Jim!” Well, Jim swallows, and his facial expression falls as the guilt returns.

He sighs. “I know,” he whispers, shaking his head. “I know, I’m fucking awful, have my own issues.” He then looks into Corey’s almost sad eyes and continues, “If things were different, Corey...” he trails off because that sounded terrible and then starts a new sentence. “I would never abandon you, or make you second place. You’re my best friend. She is just a friend.” Corey sighs at this and looks down at his hand, still pretty close to Jim’s arm.

“Well, anyway, I guess none of that explains why I kissed you, except maybe I was wasted as hell,” he whispers before he gnaws on the inside of his bottom lip. “I only went up to the second floor so that I could look for Shawn and Joey, but...” Jim then swallows, and to be honest, the crazy feeling inside his stomach never really went away. Corey looks up at him. “I don’t care. I don’t think it really matters at this point, does it?” he whispers, shifting closer to his friend and feeling just as nervous. “I mean...” he hesitates. “You know already that I remember what happened, right? I loved it, Jim. I loved what we did.” Jim blinks at that, but he can’t say he’s surprised any longer. He tries to open his mouth, but Corey puts a fingertip to the man’s lips, to get him to shut up. “That’s what I wanted to say. I didn’t know if you remembered.” His left leg touches Jim’s, very slowly rubbing it against his friend’s. Jim breathes shakily, beginning to feel as if he’s slowly losing himself. Corey moves in closer, and the taller man’s nerves tingle all over at the touch and at how really close his friend is becoming. Butterflies fill in Corey’s stomach again as he touches Jim’s arm again. He swallows and whispers, “I wanted to talk about it, you know, what it meant to us...”

Jim no longer feels that there’s any reason to talk about it now, because they already know. “It...it means we wanted to fuck each other,” he whispers in a low voice, closing his eyes and gulping as the other man’s forehead touches the side of his head. Corey’s heart beats rapidly at the tone of Jim’s voice, and he feels as if he’s losing himself as well, fighting the urge to kiss Jim’s lips and straddle him.

He looks into his closed eyes and whispers, “Do you wanna fuck me?” He’s nearly breathless. “Right now?” Jim opens his eyes again, but he dares not look into those blue orbs. He can’t bring himself to say yes, but he nods, feeling relieved that Corey wants him just as badly.

But then fear washes over him again. All of a sudden, it seems as if they are really rushing into this. They know now what’s brought them to this point, but they’ve not thought about what will happen afterwards or what will come out of it all. This doesn’t suit well for Jim at all. He moves away, his lips having been just a couple inches away from Corey’s. He realizes that his hand has clutched the shorter man’s shirt and he immediately lets go of it. Corey almost falls over, wondering what just happened. “No,” Jim whispers, shaking his head, deciding again that he must go against his desires. He looks up at the shorter man and speaks, “We both want it, but that doesn’t mean we should do it.” He stands up and sighs shakily. “It doesn’t feel right.” He tries another way to say it. “I mean, it feels right, but it isn’t.”

Corey becomes almost frustrated at this. He takes a small pillow and covers his lap, despite the fact that he isn’t all that hard. He looks down at the coffee table. “Why isn’t it right?” he simply inquires.

Jim has had his back on him with his hands in his pockets. He shrugs almost unconsciously and turns around. “I mean...” he begins, “I guess...well for one thing, you’re dating someone.” He doesn’t even know why he needed to explain that; they both know this for a fact.

Corey looks up at Jim, and he shrugs, being nonchalant about it. He tries to be nonchalant about it anyway. “We’re not exclusive,” he speaks softly, leaning hack on his side against the couch. He looks up at Jim and adds, “I mean, we’re probably not going to last anyway.” Well, Jim raises an eyebrow, honestly unable to believe what he’s hearing, and he begins to wonder if Corey started dating Stephanie solely to make Jim jealous.

“Wow...” He shakes his head and crosses his arms. “Why do you use people like that?” he questions. “I can’t believe you’d only go to her because I’ve not been around, and now you’re just going to dump her like that?” He lets out an exasperated sigh. Unsurprisingly, Corey takes offense to this.

“I’ve not used anybody!” he exclaims. “She pretty much feels the same way, you know. She’s looking for someone special, and I’m just around until she can find that person, all right?” Jim just rolls his eyes, and Corey shrinks back, almost hurt. He sighs and stands up. “You know what? Just fuck it,” he mutters, walking over to the kitchen where his coat was. He’s in need of a cigarette. “I give up. I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time talking to you when all you do is criticize me.”

Jim turns around and nearly gapes, wondering what he’s done wrong now. “You’re giving up because I’m trying to point out things? The hell happened to us talking about this? This is what you wanted.”

Corey turns around, glaring at the tall man. “So this isn’t what you wanted?”

Jim sighs at that and cocks his head, trying to reason with the guy. “No, I didn’t mean that, Corey. I just—”

“Yeah, I’m sure you did,” Corey responds sarcastically. This isn’t something that he’s used to. Back in the day, Jim was always on his side. It’s pretty weird, but it doesn’t erase the fact that he’s not too happy about it. He takes out the packet of cigarettes and a lighter. “You always talk and point out shit about me, Jim. I mean, what are you now, my grandmother?”

Jim sighs at this, defeated. Well, they both thought that talking this out would mend some things, but clearly it isn’t. He shrugs, his hands dropping to his sides afterwards. “You’re right,” he speaks in a low voice. “This clearly isn’t working.” Corey turns around and blinks at this, having already regretted his words. “It’s just late, that’s all. I’m tired, you’re probably tired, too, and I think both of us need more time to clear our heads, you know?” Jim then leans down to pick up his coat. Corey sighs, taking a cigarette out and putting it to his lips, lighting it. He tries not to get depressed by this. He almost asks Jim to stay, unable to deal with them not being close for a while longer, but then he knows that the guy is right, that they do need some more time to figure this out.

“Well, Craig and Sid are at your apartment,” he whispers, thinking that will get him to stay at least. He’s pretty much given up thinking that they could do what they both want to do with each other, especially since Jim thought that it was a bad idea.

Jim zips up his coat, making sure that he has his gloves in his pockets. “I got earplugs,” he responds rather dryly. And they’ve worked a few times, but also because Sid tried to make sure that he and Craig were quiet anyway. He sighs as he walks to the door, thinking that he might as well say it. “I just wanted to tell you that, you know, we’re not in love with each other. Doing what we almost did would’ve...it would’ve complicated our friendship and made things worse between us.” Corey looks up at that as the guy finishes with, “Our friendship means everything to me.”

“Our friendship means everything to me, too, Jim,” Corey whispers with sadness in his tone. “It wasn’t going to ruin our friendship.” He slowly takes a drag to his cigarette and exhales. “You know what would ruin our friendship? Not being honest with each other.”

Jim simply nods at that, knowing that only too well. “I know,” he whispers. He looks up at Corey for a moment before he sighs and opens the door, walking out. Corey then sighs shakily, running his fingers through his hair as he tries to distract his mind from his conversation with Jim, and Jim himself. It ends up not working and he feels utterly depressed. And when you stop to think about it, he feels rejected as well. But Jim is right, though. It wouldn’t have seemed right what they would’ve done. He turns around, and with his elbows on the counter, he buries his face against the palm of his hands with the hells of the hands to his eyes. He needs a drink. Not only that, but he also needs to release the tension Jim pretty much created. He glances at a stack of porn DVDs by the television and sighs. Jim won’t do anything, so he might as well jerk off to some bad porn. He thinks about gay porn for a moment, but he decides that it wouldn’t work. He doesn’t have any, and all the men either look burly, hairy and muscular, or hairless twinks who’ve just turned eighteen. Jim is neither.

He then looks at a near empty bottle of Jack Daniels near the refrigerator. It dawns on him now. “Damn,” he whispers upon the realization that he has left his drinks in his car. He contemplates going out to get them, but then he decides not to. It’s freezing as hell outside, with temperatures going down four below zero, and he’s just too cold. He’s not risking it. He sighs and decides to end the night with some porn. He hates that he’s equated himself to Mick like this, but what can he do now? He takes another drag off his cigarette, and then he takes his out his phone, turning it off. He does not want to be disturbed. He gets up and carries his ashtray over to the coffee table and turns on the television, not turning the volume up just yet. Then, he squats down to the stack of DVDs to see what he wants to watch. He’s still somewhat depressed.

Someone knocks on the door, and he groans; Craig must have forgotten something. But really, Sid probably has what Craig need anyway, right? Corey calls out, “It’s not locked!” The door opens and closes, and he sighs exasperatedly. “What? Did Sid forget his condoms or something? And try to be quiet for Jim, would you?” He turns around to look at Craig. But then he blinks upon the realization that it is not Craig at all, but Jim himself.

The taller man looks up at the short man, and one can see how unsure and unsure he is of himself. He tries to say something, but then he closes his lips. He swallows as he slowly walks over to Corey, his hands digging down inside his coat pockets. When he’s in front of the television, Corey slowly stands up, almost afraid of why Jim has come back and why he’s walking up to him like that. Well, Jim was on his way back down to his floor, but he was feeling so tense about being with Corey. He couldn’t take it anymore. You’d think he’d go to his bathroom and jerk off, but no. So, against his better judgment, he is now back at Corey’s apartment. He walks closer to him with butterflies jumping wild in his stomach, and Corey ends up staring at him with widened eyes and increasingly short breaths. He knows what Jim is going to do now, or what he’s initiating, and the emotions in his head can’t decide between whether he should want it or whether he shouldn’t. Either way, he’s nervous and he’s blushing.

Jim, now blushing as well, closes his eyes for a quick moment, and then he takes his somewhat clammy hands out of his pocket, very slowly grasping Corey’s waist. Corey closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, feeling a jolt down to his groan at the feeling of the man’s hands on him like that. He feels somewhat dizzy as Jim practically towers over him, the grip on his waist becoming just a bit firmer. And the tall man only does this to make himself less nervous. He can see Corey’s blue eyes on his own, with his lips parted and begging to be touched. He swallows as he feels the shorter man’s hands grasping his arms with almost as tight a grip as Jim’s hands on his waist. The shorter man aches for Jim’s warm body pressed against his own, and when it does happen, both of their breaths hitch at the feeling. They both have been breathing heavily the entire time, loving and hating the fact that Jim is giving in. The soft chattering from the television is the only other sound in the apartment.

With hesitation, Jim leans down, his hands now cupping Corey’s face to get the latter to tilt his head back. He mentally curses about his height, having to lean down quite a bit. It doesn’t help that Corey’s feet are still glued to the floor. He slowly closes his eyes as Jim leans in closer, and not being able to see those eyes give the taller man a little more courage.

He closes his eyes as well and very softly brushes his lips against Corey’s upper lip, with the latter finding himself kissing Jim’s bottom lip. He breaks the kiss afterwards, and as they open their eyes again, they find themselves feeling hazy at what they’ve done, especially Corey. Jim wants to kiss him again, and he leans down and kisses the shorter man, a little firmer than before. Corey can now stand on his tip-toes and return the kiss, feeling all sorts of nerves in his body tingle. Jim grasps his waist again, and Corey stops the kiss, his breath hitched at the touch. They both sigh shakily before Jim kisses Corey again and again; the kisses become fuller as his inhibitions become less intense and he’s able to give into his desires. He stops kissing the lips and, with hesitation, leans down to plant a kiss to Corey’s neck. The latter’s heart skips a beat at the electrifying touch there, and he sighs shakily, closing his eyes again. Jim kisses the other side of his neck, receiving the same response. Corey’s fingers find themselves slowly unzipping Jim’s coat, and the latter just lets it drop to the floor. His knees weaken at the somewhat intense feeling that he’s having about all this. He doesn’t even realize, until after they’ve stopped kissing, that he’s already lead Corey over to the armchair, with the shorter man straddling him.

Corey presses his forehead against Jim’s, and they both feel breathless as their sexual desire becomes stronger. The former is painfully aware that Jim is the one leading this, and despite the fact that he is used to leading things, Corey willingly submits. Jim brings him down so that he can kiss him deeply, clutching his shirt with one hand while gripping his thigh with another. Corey’s eyes are closed, and he allows Jim to slip his tongue into his mouth. He breaks the kiss and begins kissing his neck, and Jim sighs shakily and closes his eyes, leaning his head back to give Corey more access. The taller man slowly reaches down to his jeans and unfastens them with his somewhat trembling fingers as he kisses Corey’s lips again. Soon, he takes hold of the man’s hands that have been on his hair, and he guides one down to his crotch. He looks up at Corey. “Touch me,” he whispers, almost breathless.

Corey gulps at the command, looking down at the opened jeans and the boxers, and although he doesn’t show it on the outside, he is more than happy to oblige by it. He slowly reaches down for Jim’s cock through the slit of his boxers and as he curls his fingers around his cock, he tries to calm down, the excitement getting to him as he begins stroking. Jim swallows and tilts his head back with slightly parted lips, breathing shakily with his eyes closed. Corey almost quivers inside at his friend’s reaction, wanting Jim to touch him as well. So, he unfastens his jeans and guides one of Jim’s hands inside his boxers. The latter’s breath hitches at the soft flesh, and he caresses it with his thumb. Corey exhales unsteadily and presses himself against that hand, before Jim curls his fingers around the shaft and begins stroking slow. Their eyes open and are glued to each other momentarily as are their foreheads. They pant softly as they stroke each other in a steady rhythm, and Corey soon rocks his hips. He leans into kiss his lips, and they close their eyes. Jim almost lets out a moan against Corey’s lips, but Corey’s moan against the former’s lips come out sharp.
___

Their way into Corey’s bedroom is a blur. He opens his eyes, wanting to see what Jim is doing to him. He swallows and shivers at the cold air of the room as he’s forgotten to turn up the heat. He’s already shirtless, having had his shirt off by Jim. He’s lying on the back, shivering at the warmth from Jim as well as the wet trails the man left over his sternum, tattoos and now his stomach. His hands are on Jim’s still clothed shoulders, and Corey swallows again. He breathes erratically as Jim kisses the smiley face tattoos on his abdomen, using his tongue to tease the skin, before he plants soft kisses on his stomach. He presses the back of his head against his pillow with his mind all over the place. He keeps wondering what made Jim change his mind. Pretty soon, however, he ends up not caring; he wants this. He’s in heaven right now. He no longer cares. He tries not to anyway.

Jim meanwhile gulps, and his heart beats faster at what he’s doing. He slowly pulls down Corey’s jeans and then his boxers. His breathing becomes a little more erratic; seeing the shorter man’s bare cock so close to his eye level and to his face. The fact that he’s completely sober this time does not help. He looks up, and it is only then when he realizes Corey has been staring at him almost the entire time. Even his hands feel funny right now. At times, they feel almost as if they aren’t there, or that these aren’t Jim’s hands. He gently takes the man’s cock and takes it into his mouth. Corey gasps at hot mouth, and he shuts his eyes, letting out a low, trembling moan. That moan sends chills down Jim’s spine as he lowers down more.

He bobs his head slow, flattening his tongue against the man’s shaft. He has craved this for so long, and ironically now that he’s doing this, it doesn’t feel as exciting. The whole feeling seems weird, but it’s only because giving head has never been his thing. What he really likes doing is kissing someone’s skin as well as the insides of their thighs, but the sounds that Corey is making makes it all worth it. As nervous as he is, he thrills at the fact that Corey is making those sounds only for him and only because of him. He knows that it’s a bit selfish to want Corey to desire only him, but he doesn’t care anymore. He wants him even more, as scary as it sounds. He uses both thumbs to play with Corey’s nipples, being a little careful with the pierced one. He wants to see how the guy will react to it. Indeed, he feels his cock twitch as he sees Corey moan softly, writhing a bit with one hand on his wrist and another further down on his arm. He takes in the shorter man’s pleasure, pressing his own cock against the bed with a burning desire to do more just to make Corey beg for more. Meanwhile, thoughts in the back of his head keep telling him that this was not a smart move. He ignores those thoughts. As said earlier, he no longer cares. He bobs his head faster.

Corey’s moan comes out high-pitched, and he almost lifts his hips. He asks Jim to stop, wanting to kiss those lips instead. Jim blinks, before he’s pulled back up and then brought down and kissed. He deepens the kiss, trembling slightly as he feels Corey’s hand on his cock again. He breaks the kiss and looks into the shorter man’s eyes, really hoping that the shorter really wants this. The latter gulps, feeling almost vulnerable at the man’s gaze on him. He snuggles unconsciously against him, protecting himself against the cold air. They both feel a bit short of breath from the kisses, and Jim tries not to moan with Corey stroking him like that. The latter whispers in a low voice, “Trying to make us less nervous.” He mentally kicks himself for revealing that he himself is very nervous about this. His breath hitches as he feels Jim’s warm hand on the inside of one of his thighs...

Jim’s heart skips a beat at that, and it makes him feel worse because he knows that he must be extra careful. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable. He relishes in the softness of Corey’s skin on his thighs despite the hair, and he presses his fingers against the skin. They close their eyes and kiss again, with Jim letting out a low sound as their tongues touch. Corey trembles a little, pressing his thigh against his hand and wanting Jim to touch his cock again. He presses his body against his, wrapping one of his legs around Jim’s. His other hand tangles its fingers in Jim’s hair, which is still tied up in a bun but has strands and a lock of hair loose. Corey brushes that lock of hair back. Jim stops kissing the shorter man’s lips, feeling out of breath again, and he lets go of Corey’s thigh for a moment so that can let down his hair. He has his hair band around his wrist, and he leans down to kiss Corey’s nose.

Seeing the man with his hair down with almost all of his thick brown hair on one side brings out something in Corey, and he tangles his fingers in that hair as he pulls him down for a deep kiss. Jim purrs at the feeling of those hands, and he opens his mouth as Corey slips his tongue in his mouth. Soon, he lifts himself up, taking the shorter man’s hand off his cock, and Corey clutches Jim’s shirt, wanting it off. The tall man almost smiles and sits up completely to take off said shirt, and when Corey reaches for his wife-beater, he takes that off as well. The latter meanwhile lifts his hips to get his jeans and boxers off, getting them down on the feet and then kicking them off. Jim freezes, blushes and gulps at the sight of the man’s naked body. Corey blushes as well, feeling somewhat vulnerable and insecure at the way Jim stares at his body. He’s sure that he looks pretty weird with his thighs being the only area in his body with no tattoos.

He sits up, trying to compose himself, and he gently presses his body against Jim’s. He knows how nervous that man is seeing him naked, and he guides his hands on his body, closing his eyes at the feeling. Jim slowly lets his hands roam, and then Corey grasps the hem of the man’s jeans, nudging them and the boxers down bit by bit. The former’s eyes are closed now, letting fear overcome him again; he takes a moment to figure out whether this is even real. Corey opens his eyes, and he seems to have read Jim’s mind, because he then leans in to kiss the shell of the man’s ear. He whispers to that ear that, the blush still on his cheeks as Jim shivers. Corey runs his hands down Jim’s chest, feeling the little hairs down his sternum. Jim opens his eyes again, looking up at the shorter man while his body thrills at the touch. He tries to compose himself, and he leans down to kiss Corey again. The latter returns the kiss, slowly straddling Jim’s lap, and they both give off shaky breaths at the feeling of their bare groins pressed together. Jim kisses the man’s neck again, running his tongue along Corey’s pulse, and Corey tilts his head back, moaning.

Aching to touch more of Corey, Jim slowly runs his hands along the man’s ass, and Corey almost gasps at the rough hands on him like that. He grips those wrists to keep those hands on his ass, and he begins rocking his body against Jim’s. They sigh shakily, their lips almost quivering, and Jim grips his ass a little more firmly. He swallows and looks up into Corey’s eyes as butterflies return to his stomach; there is no right way to say this. And by right, I mean not dirty. “I wanna fuck you,” he whispers, closing his eyes to avoid seeing Corey’s reactions. “Please.” Well, Corey almost bucks his hips sharply, first of all because Jim’s voice has startled him, and secondly because of what the guy wants. Butterflies return to Corey’s stomach now, having remembered that it would hurt. He swallows and slowly pulls away from Jim.

Before he lies back down on his back, he whispers, “Condoms are on the top drawer,” gesturing to his nightstand over to his right. Jim blinks at the drawer, and he suddenly feels hesitant and unsure of himself again. Soon, he moves over there to get what they need. Chills run up and down Jim’s spine, and his thoughts are beating at him—that they should stop, that he’ll hurt Corey because he’s a little bigger than average, that they’ll regret this later. The first and the third were what he had tried to repress. With hesitation, he takes out a box of condoms and sets them on the bed. He knows that they’ll need lubricant, and he eyes at a bottle of lotion by the lamp. He takes that as well. Taking a deep breath, he nudges his jeans and boxers down to kick them off. Corey looks over at the man’s body, feeling hazy at the sight. When Jim moves back over to him, the latter can only gulp, shivering. “You’ll be gentle, right?” he whispers, looking up at the man and concerned. Well, Jim’s face falls; he’s honestly concerned as well.

“Yeah,” he whispers with a pang of sadness, and he kneels in front of Corey’s legs, spreading them. While Jim lubes his fingers, shorter man swallows hard, and he tries to distract himself by staring at the ceiling. He is even more nervous than before, but the reason turns from the fear that Jim will hurt him, to the fact that maybe this isn’t a good idea. He knows that this will probably be a one-time thing. Jim has said that he’s had fantasies about him, but what if the guy changes his mind after this? His thoughts are broken by the soft touch at his entrance, and he tenses. Jim at once stops and glances at Corey to make sure the man is ready. Eventually, he takes a deep breath, holding it as he gently inserts his middle finger inside. Corey shuts his eyes tight, and he tenses again as he lets out trembling sighs; he is not used to having anything put in him like this in a long time. He tries, with success, to relax his muscles. Jim stops for a moment and is able to exhale once he sees that Corey doesn’t seem to be in any pain. He slowly pushes his finger in deeper, and soon he withdraws it a little before pushing it back in, fucking him as slowly as he can. The latter tilts his head back at the strange feeling of Jim’s finger inside his muscles like that. He likes it though, and as the taller man leans over on top of him again, the former brings him down to kiss him again.

After awhile, Jim inserts another finger, more cautiously than with the first. Corey takes a deep breath, trying to let that finger in. Jim looks down at him, swallowing at the way he looks while he’s being prepped. The latter lets out a soft moan with parted lips, and Jim shivers, titillated at the sound and at the sight. He leans down and gives Corey a slow and deep kiss, moving his fingers just a bit faster. The latter trembles a bit, breaks the kiss and moans a little louder, and Jim captures it into his mouth, craving more of these sounds from the man’s cigarette-tasting mouth. Corey moves away and kisses Jim’s neck, and Jim sighs at the soft kisses. He decides to insert one more finger, but there’s that fear that three fingers may not be enough. It is bordering on paranoia, because Jim is only as thick as those fingers, but he’s so afraid of screwing up. He does remember what Corey likes when it comes to the actual sex, but still. He hears Corey moan softly again, who tries to distract himself from the slight pain. The short man reaches down to masturbate, relaxing eventually and his breathing returning to stability.

Jim pulls out his fingers as gently as he can, hoping that he was able to stretch Corey efficiently. He wishes he could’ve continued with this because he isn’t sure if he can do this. It’s not just because he’s afraid of hurting him, either. It’s not like Jim hasn’t slept with a man in a long time, because he’s dated a guy back in the summer before he met Sid and everybody. But this is Corey Taylor. No one’s been with (meaning no one has had flings or dated) Jim more than once. Once that person stops dating Jim, then that was it. Plus Corey is...well, he is a significant part of Jim’s life. He had never thought that he’d meet his old friend again much less sleep with him. Corey has so much power over him. You all read how he ended up back in this apartment. You saw how upset he was after their encounter in that closet. Or how tense he was when Corey asked about why the man left a decade ago. It was obvious from the very beginning that things were left unresolved between them from the way they spoke to each other when they met for the first time at the Safari.

Corey asks him to come closer, and snapped from his thoughts, Jim leans down and kisses him deeply. He wants to try his hardest to make it incredible for Corey and for himself. Going back to what he wanted earlier, he would do anything to get the guy to desire him even more. His fears disappear, and he sits up to lube and wrap himself. Corey swallows, and after he grabs a pillow to put under his lower back, he lays there, his breathing becoming unsteady again. He closes his eyes then when Jim climbs on top of him again, figuring that he’ll be better off if he doesn’t see it coming. Both have butterflies inside them, and Corey rubs the man’s shoulders as the latter positions himself between the man’s legs.

He guides his cock over to Corey’s entrance and inhales as he tries to be gentle, pushing himself in. He exhales unsteadily at the feeling of those tight walls clenched around him, and Corey gasps and tenses. The former tries not to panic, and he caresses the man’s hair as Corey groans. He then leans down and presses a soft kiss to his temple, stroking his cock to relax him. “Shhh...” he whispers against the man’s neck, thumbing the head of his cock, “S’okay, just let me in...” The latter breathes rapidly, trying not to be tense anymore.

“Fuck, I’m trying,” Corey almost whimpers, relaxing himself. He opens his eyes and looks into Jim’s. He inhales and exhales, spreading his legs even more in an effort to make it less painful. “You’re big, okay?” he breathes. But he knows that Jim isn’t trying to hurt him. Jim swallows at this, and he decides not to move in any further, keeping only part of his shaft inside. Corey tries to get used to the feeling, and Jim stroking him like that is helping a little. He looks to the side and closes his eyes again. Jim sighs with his heart pounding, and he decides not to move until Corey tells him that he’s ready. He is relieved, though, to see Corey not as reacting as painfully as he had feared. The latter lifts his hand and strokes the taller man’s back. “You can do this,” he whispers, “You can fuck me. I know you won’t hurt me.” He breathes deeply. “You almost never hurt me after the first time.”

“Okay,” Jim breathes, supporting himself with his other arm. He stops stroking Corey so he can place his hand on the bed. He closes his eyes and pulls out just a bit, and then he gently pushes back in, hearing Corey’s breath hitch at his action. He swallows and opens his eyes to see him, despite his hair being in the way. The shorter man’s eyes are closed with his mouth somewhat opened. Jim takes a deep breath and pulls back out and pushes in again, and Corey reacts the same way. The latter strokes his back as a nonverbal way of telling him that the pain isn’t as bad as before and he can handle it. So, Jim decides to just do it and takes it slow, moving his hips as gently as he can. Corey gulps and relaxes as he curls one of his legs around Jim’s back. It still feels discomforting, but as long as he relaxes, he feels okay. He wants to touch and kiss him, and he runs his fingers through Jim’s hair, brushing those locks back so that he can see his face. He really wants to see his face to see if the guy likes it. They both emit quivering sighs, and butterflies jump all around inside their bodies. Jim fucks him slowly; he’s still worried about hurting him despite the fact that Corey said that he’s okay. The latter soon presses the back of his head against his pillow and lets out a soft moan. However, he also becomes somewhat paranoid, almost tensing again, at how silent Jim is.

He moves his hands down to Jim’s ass and squeezes it. The latter’s breath hitches at that and hardens against those hands, letting out a silent moan at those warm hands. Corey then breathes, “Tell me you like it,” digging his fingernails against the skin to get a sound out of Jim. He’s relieved when the man hisses and even whispers to do it again. Corey almost smiles, feeling aroused, and he digs his nails against Jim’s ass again. It causes Jim to move in just a bit deeper, and the latter lets out a trembling gasp, having not expected that.

“I love it,” Jim closes his eyes and breathes, tilting his head back a little. It feels so intense for him. Sometimes he’s afraid that it may get too intense for him. He tries to keep quiet, not wanting to annoy the shorter man with his moans.

Corey sighs at this and rubs the man’s ass, massaging it with his fingers. He pants softly, as does Jim. “I love it, too. I wanted this so much. You feel so amazing inside me.” But then he lets his paranoia slip. “You said you wanted to fuck me...” he almost goes on, but then moans when Jim pushes in. He swallows and closes his eyes, tracing his thumb against Jim’s lip, and the latter kisses it. “You’re so silent...” Jim then looks down at Corey, brushing back his own hair, and he finally understands why he’s saying this.

He caresses the man’s chest, making the latter shiver, and he keeps his hips steady, waiting until Corey is used to this pace before he goes any faster. “I wanna makes sure you like it first,” he breathes. “I love it so much. M’afraid to go overboard with myself. I didn’t want you to know how good this feels.” Though he’s certainly not a screamer, he’s afraid to admit to Corey that he’s not exactly a quiet person during sex. He’s quite afraid to show that side of himself to him, because this is Corey. He doesn’t want to scare the guy if he starts letting go of himself. The problem is, he’s forgotten that Corey already knows that he’s like that.

The latter moans and clutches Jim’s shoulders, wanting to kiss those tattoos. “You don’t go overboard,” he exhales. “You’re not a screamer. You’re not quiet either—I know you...” He rubs his heel against Jim’s spine, and Jim purrs. “S’your night, man...you’re not going overboard. Not a sex beast, either. You just love sex, and you’re not that shy about it.” Jim tries in vain to wonder why Corey knows him that well. Although the guy is right, Jim can’t really remember if he was really like that back in the day. Then, feeling a bit impatient, the shorter man moans, “Fucking let go...” To get Jim to react in a way that he wants, he then tries to push himself against him, holding his waist, and he clenches a bit around the man’s cock, hissing.

Jim blinks and finally moans breathlessly, “Oh fuck, Corey,” trembling at the tightness as he grips the man’s hip. He reaches for his hair and grips it back, before he caresses his chest again. Corey moans, loving the man’s reaction, and he tries to move with him, closing his eyes and feeling more excited.

“That’s it, Jim...just like that...” he pants, “I’m not in pain anymore, m’relaxed. You can fuck me faster, huh? I want it...” He presses his head against the pillow again, panting faster. “Deeper...” Jim swallows at this, and then he speeds up just slightly, tilting his head back as trembling sighs come out of his mouth. Corey’s moan comes out sharp, gripping Jim’s ass again to pull him in deeper. And when the latter does move in deeper, the shorter man gasps as Jim’s cock hits his spot. The taller man’s heart pounds at the man’s reaction, stopping for a moment. He thrusts and brushes against that spot again, because he knows how incredible it must feel to Corey, and that’s what he wants, to make him scream. Well, the man gasps and moans a bit louder each time his prostate is hit. “Oh my god...” he whines as he reaches down and masturbates again. “Love this so much...”

The words send Jim shivering in pleasure, and he tries to be cautious as he thrusts harder and moans at the feeling. He sees Corey gasping and crying out, and his arousal grows at the sight, becoming more intense after the shorter man calls out his name. Jim begins to feel dizzy from the intense feelings that are slowly taking over him. He is also pretty confident with himself now that he knows how much Corey is enjoying this. He stops thrusting and lifts himself up on his knees, carefully taking one of the guy’s legs over his shoulders. He grips his hip with one hand, and then he leans down again, supporting himself with his other arm as he begins thrusting. He finds himself grunting repeatedly. Corey opens his eyes and looks up at the man with his hands rubbing against his chest, and he finds himself whimpering in low tones, the noises becoming higher tones as he’s being fucked. Jim swallows and presses his forehead against the headboard, speeding up the pace just slightly. He closes his eyes and moans, panting with Corey. The squeaking sounds from the bed accompany their noises.

Corey reaches as best as he can for Jim, gripping his ass again as their somewhat sweaty bodies move together. He brushes back the taller man’s hair, and when he tries to insert one of his fingers into Jim’s mouth, the latter is more than happy to open his mouth and them in. Chills run through Corey’s spine and his cock twitches at the sight of Jim sucking his fingers off like that. Jim releases those fingers and he begins rolling his hips slightly with his cock rubbing against Corey’s spot. They moan together as he thrusts his hips again. “Oh fuck!” Corey then growls, as that particular thrust almost sends him closer to the edge. Jim exhales with a groan, and Corey tilts his head back, enjoying that sound from the guy. After a few more thrusts, Corey tries to warn him, “I’m so close,” but is a little embarrassed when those words come out squeaky. He feels himself overwhelmed by everything, including the doubts, that maybe he doesn’t want this to be just a one-time thing anymore. He cries. Jim finds himself close as well, but he wants to make Corey climax first.

He jerks him off, causing the man to moan in a high-pitch, with more coming out. When he rolls his hips deeper, it sends Corey in ecstasy and swearing with his hands over his eyes. It sends chills down Jim’s spine; he has to keep reminding himself that this is his doing, that he’s making the guy scream like this. A few more thrusts, and this becomes too much for Corey to hold on any longer. He shudders and whimpers in a high tone with his mouth shaped like an “o”, and he cums in Jim’s hand with a loud groan. He clenches around the taller man’s cock, which makes the guy lets out a soft but trembling moan. He breathes deeply, taking in the sight of Corey going through with his orgasm with his mouth open and almost sobbing. Soon, the shorter man pants heavily and still shivers as he sinks down on the bed. He decides not to relax until Jim cums. He rubs at the man’s chest as the latter continues to thrust and bring himself to climax. With tired eyes, Corey leans up and kisses Jim’s neck, nuzzling against the skin there as the latter groans hoarsely. He whispers at him to cum, and then he moans softly as he tightens around his cock again. “Oh god,” Jim gasps, feeling himself about to approach his climax. A few seconds later, he trembles and breathes shakily with clenched teeth, and he cums inside Corey with a breathless whimper, panting afterwards. Corey clings to him, rubbing his leg around Jim’s back against the skin there. Jim bucks his hips a bit to rid himself of his orgasm, and Corey gasps, running his fingers through the dark locks.

Jim is trembling from the sensation, and he tries to compose himself as he gently pulls out of Corey, not minding the mess on one of his hands. Still out of breath and exhausted, he closes his eyes and lies down on his stomach, trying to stabilize his breathing. Corey, panting, but not as much, scoots over and kisses the man’s nose, stroking his cheek. Jim opens his eyes just slightly and kisses the man’s chin, closing his eyes again. The shorter man scoots down to his arm, planting kisses on the tattoos on the skin and half-wishing that Jim hadn’t tainted his pale skin with them. Then, he scoots back up, and gives him a tender kiss to the lips, tracing his lips with his tongue. They are too tired to speak to one another, and it is actually a good thing. Neither of them wants to think about tomorrow, and they don’t even want to let the doubts creep into their minds right now, making it awkward for them after they’ve just had sex—something that they weren’t supposed to do.

Jim turns to his side and wraps an arm around Corey, and the latter snuggles against him, needing warmth as the cold air hits their wet bodies. Corey falls asleep first.
___

Jim stirs to the sounds of two people talking and the television blaring commercials, and his first thought becomes why the television was so loud so early in the morning. He’s unable to make out the voices, and he doesn’t care right now. He nuzzles against his pillow and covers himself, not wanting to wake up. He eventually makes out one of the voices, which turn out to be Craig asking Sid to turn down the television. He then hears his roommate reply, “It’s the fucking afternoon!” He flutters his eyes open then, glancing at the alarm clock. He raises his eyebrow and groans when he realizes that it really is one forty-seven in the afternoon. He is glad that he doesn’t really have to work today, or else his boss would’ve been upset. He doesn’t want to get out of his bed though. However, he soon takes another look at his alarm clock, realizing that it looks a lot different then what it’s supposed to look like. Plus, it’s not really supposed to be near a wall, either. He lifts his head and looks up at the wall, seeing a couple band posters from Slayer and Anthrax to Johnny Cash. An acoustic guitar is there by the dresser. His heart pounds when he remembers that this isn’t his room, but Corey’s. He turns his head around, and he’s unable to swallow as he sees the man on his stomach, the back of his head facing him and still asleep. It is that awkward moment when he realizes that what happened last night was not a dream at all.

He chews on the inside of his bottom lip, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and trying not to disturb Corey, he turns around and lies on his back, thinking about what they’ve done the night before. Staring at the ceiling, he wishes that he hadn’t come back to this apartment. He loves his night with Corey. He really does. But now it just feels awkward. Indeed, he had said that they couldn’t do it, and then he turned around and fucked him. What can he say to him now? That this shouldn’t have happened? He’s afraid to speak to him, and he isn’t sure that he’d be ready to talk with him. They know that they wanted each other, and they had each other. So now what? He looks over at the shorter man’s sleeping figure, and he wishes he could leave. He can’t really do that with Sid and Craig around. They’d ask questions and it’d be even more awkward. He slowly sits up, letting his hair fall over his face. He sighs and brushes his hair back, trying to think about all this. He hears someone cutting off the television and a laugh from Sid. The conversation between him and Craig becomes fainter, until the door is shut. Now there’s silence.

Jim resolves to leave now. He’ll call Corey (no really, he will) after he’s out of the apartment. Maybe they can talk about it tonight. Despite his earlier thoughts, he tells himself in his head that he’s not going to run away from this again. Right now, however, he needs the afternoon to himself. He hopes to be ready to talk about it with the guy tonight, unless Corey isn’t all that ready. He sighs and sits over to the edge of the bed, leaning down to grab his boxers, and he stands up to put them on.

“Why did you come back?” comes a faint, but hoarse whisper. Jim blinks at that and swallows, and he slowly turns around and sees Corey looking up at him with half-opened eyes. The man’s still on his stomach.

He slowly sits back down, looking down at his lap as he tries to find out a good way to reply to that. Instead, all he can whisper is, “I don’t know.”

Corey sighs at that, and looks at one of his pillows, unsure if he really wants to look at Jim anymore. “You don’t know.” It was meant to come out as a question, but it ends up as a statement. Jim sighs at that, and he reaches for his jeans, standing up to put them on and turning his back on the shorter man. Corey glances at him again. “Leaving?” He then winces at the pain from his ass, and breathes shakily. He knew this would happen; it was what woke him up in the first place. He doesn’t try to let Jim know, though. The doubts he’s had on his mind wouldn’t leave him earlier this morning when he was up due to the pain. He’s put Vaseline, but still. He knows that now that Jim has had him, the guy will probably regret it, or just leave.

Jim nods. “I should before Craig and Sid get back.” It then dawns on him that Sid will probably ask where he’s been. He sighs then and decides that, since they’re both up, maybe they should talk about it. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he sits down again. “I came back because I couldn’t resist you,” he whispers, looking down at Corey. He shrugs, “You know, I mean...I had said that I could do something, and I did.”

“Yeah, and now you had me,” Corey mutters. “And that would be it, right?”

Jim raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

The shorter man simply shrugs, trying to remain calm about it. “I mean you’re probably just satisfied with it now. I’m starting to wonder if you only started hanging out with me again so that you could get into my pants.”

Jim blinks at that, unable to believe what he’s hearing. He can only shake his head, hurt, and he stands up and tries to find his wife beater again. He tries to remain calm about this as well. Clearly, Corey is not happy with him, and as soon as he leaves the apartment, the better it will be for the guy. Maybe it isn’t the right time to talk about it. But he mutters, “If you didn’t want sex, you should’ve pushed me away.” He looks back at him and continues, “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of being your friend just for that.” He chuckles in amazement and shakes his head. “That’s very low, Corey.”

Corey blinks at that. “Really?” he replies in disbelief. As he sits up, he retorts, “Well, it wasn’t like I could fucking resist you, either. Don’t get mad at me, all right? I didn’t ask you to come back and fuck me.” A sudden and sharp pain causes the shorter man to moan and stop. “Fuck!” He lies back down. Jim blinks at that.

“Are you okay?” he whispers, moving back over to the man’s side of the bed and concerned. Corey chuckles dryly and shakes his head, frowning.

“Well, you fucking pounded me last night, and you’re not exactly average,” he mutters and turns his face away from the guy. “What do you think?”

Jim blinks at that, and the statement brings guilt to the guy’s heart, having been terrified about hurting him all night. He lets out a trembling sigh, upset at himself, and he feels like nothing will get better between them. He pretty much hates himself right now. “Sorry...” he can only whisper, trying to think of something he can do to reverse everything. He sighs. “You have Vaseline? Maybe I can help...”

“I don’t want you to help me,” Corey replies in a low voice.

All of a sudden, Jim feels as if he really wants to take the pain away from the shorter man. He’s almost desperate to undo the damage he’s caused. “Something must help, Corey,” he places his hand on the man’s chest, “just let me—”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Corey snaps, glaring at him. “I don’t want your fucking help.” Jim moves back, feeling pretty upset. He shakes his head, telling himself in his head that he’s nothing but a pathetic loser, and he stands up to grab his shirt. Corey continues, “I mean, I probably can’t walk, but,” he chuckles, “hey, it’s not like I have anywhere to go since I’m fucking unemployed.” He then speaks, quieter, “I was so fine...I was fine before I met you, and I just feel like everything go to fucking shitty since you came back. God, why did you even come back to this city?”

Jim swallows, slowly letting his anger take over his guilt. Corey can blame him for the last couple of weeks, but this is just ridiculous. He takes his shoes and then glares at the shorter man. “You have no right to blame me for every single bad thing that’s happened to you, okay?” he speaks louder than before. He jerks his thumb to the wall, as if it were Dan. “I didn’t sell the damn radio station, and I damn sure didn’t make you give up music or your fucking divorce!”

“But you did, Jim!” Corey shouts, looking up at him as he lifts himself up on his elbows. “With the music! You left me, and I couldn’t go on without you.” He feels himself losing control of his emotions, and he trembles a little, his whole body aching. “I had to learn to go on without you, okay? And I did. And now you’re back, and...and...” he can say no more, and he begins to sniffle, shaking his head, and Jim blinks, panicking in his head now as his heart pounds. Corey swallows and looks up at the man again, his eyes teary. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I get a little emotional. You hated me, didn’t you?” Jim tries to respond to that but the shorter man prevents him and murmurs, “Whatever I did to make you hate me back then, I’m fucking sorry. I just want to start over now. I don’t want us to fight anymore, and I just...I missed you so fucking much—you have no idea how much I missed you.” He then glances at him and whispers, “I want my Jim back.” The taller man tenses at those words. Corey’s said before that he missed him. He sighs shakily as the guilt returns and causes him to want to sit down, desperate to keep the guy from flat-out crying. He would not be able to take it. Basically, he’s looking down at a twenty-one year old boy again. Corey sniffles again, letting his insecurities cloud his judgment. He tries to stabilize his voice. “I mean, maybe I am like Joey, or something. Maybe I use people. I know I do sleep around a lot, and I’ve cheated many times. Maybe you were right about the sex; it has fucked things up between us. I know I don’t act like I appreciate people, but I do appreciate you, Jim.”

“Shhh...” the tall man interrupts, hesitantly reaching over to stroke Corey’s hair, which is all over the place at this point. The hand on his hair causes Corey to calm down somewhat, and he closes his eyes, not wanting the guy to stop. Jim sighs and shakes his head. “Listen to me,” he whispers, leaning down a little. “Don’t cry, please? You’re nothing like that.” Corey looks up at the guy, and he manages to turn around on his back, feeling relieved to see the gentle man in Jim again. The taller man swallows, his heart still pounding. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you,” he murmurs, his sad eyes looking down at Corey’s. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry for avoiding you, hurting you...yelling at you. I’m sorry I ran off a decade ago. I...” he hesitates, “I never wanted to leave you...”

“You didn’t?” Corey whispers, wiping away the tears.

Jim shakes his head. “I wasn’t happy here. I needed to leave...but...” he took a deep breath, trying to find a good way to say this. Nothing comes out, so he finds something else to say. “I wish I could make it up to you. I’m sorry for everything. I feel like such a bad person...”

Corey stops him right there and replies, “First of all, I don’t ever want to hear that from you anymore.” He takes Jim’s hand and rubs his thumb over it. “You’re not a bad person. I’m sorry for saying all those mean things to you, earlier.” He sighs and glances at the ceiling. He gnaws on the inside of his bottom lip. “Look....I...I do like Stephanie,” he admits. “We shouldn’t have done what we did last night. I do want to make it work for her. I mean, I feel like I was using her because of what went on with us, but she’s a really great person. I’m kind of done...with being single, you know? I don’t know if she’ll feel the same way.” Jim nods at that, with a twinge of sadness. But he knows that this is for the best. “So...so maybe we shouldn’t do this again, you know...I was thinking about it. It really did make things worse between us. I want to give her a chance, instead of throwing everything away.” He then glances at Jim, reaching up to stroke his hair. “I want to start over with you...make you my partner-in-crime...”

“I want to start over with you, too,” Jim whispers, leaning into the man’s hand on his hair. “I miss doing everything with you.” He takes a deep breath and then says, “Stephanie’s a great person, you know? I think you’d be really happy with her.” He moves away, then.

Corey studies Jim’s expression on his face, wishing that the guy hadn’t moved away like that. He gives him a faint smile. “You two do have some things in common,” he whispers. “S’pretty fucking awesome.” Jim looks back at the shorter man at that, and he smiles back, a smile saying that this is what he needs to deal with. Corey sighs at that smile, and despite his earlier words, he caresses the man’s cheek and whispers, “Kiss me?”

And despite Jim’s decision to let this be a one-time thing, he nods, his heart pounding, and slowly leans down and kisses Corey almost deeply. They both savor the kisses as the taller man wraps an arm under his friend and the latter clutches his wife-beater. They slowly stop and Jim leans up so that he could put on his shirt. They don’t say anything for awhile. They both know what they need to focus on, and given each other kisses would undermine their focus. Jim sighs, not noticing that Corey’s been staring at him for a while. The former puts on his shoes and then stands up. He dugs his hands in his pockets and nods. “So...I should go, before Craig at least comes back.”

“Yeah, you said that already,” Corey yawns, snuggling in his bed again as his eyes remain on Jim.

They both remain motionless for a moment, waiting for the taller man to say or do something else. “I’ll call you tonight,” Jim promises, and at that, he opens the door and leaves, suddenly remembering that his coat was on the floor in the living room. Corey inhales and exhales deeply, and he tries to get some sleep. He thinks he’ll be better by tonight, with the pain and everything that’s happened. He’ll talk to Stephanie, very set on what he wants to do with his relationships. Most of all, he’s very relieved that Jim wants to try again with their friendship.
___

Jim makes his way through the living room and walks out of the apartment, and he quietly shuts the door, looking through the hallway and relieved to see no familiar face. He sighs then and begins walking to the staircase, unable to get the previous night and morning out of his mind. You know how some people will experience something great and then promise themselves that they will never do it again? He misses sleeping in Corey’s arms already, kissing his chest tattoo and the way the guy strokes his cheeks. Although sad before, he is grateful that the shorter man wants to make it work with Stephanie and not hurt her. He feels a bit guilty about what they did last night, and now they’re both trying to turn things around for them. That’s how Jim sees it anyway. He tries to pick a right time to call Corey later. What he wants to focus on now is helping the guy find a job. He hates neglecting that. Maybe some job listings on the newspaper ads will show up. Craig has the internet, so maybe they could look into more job listings. He hopes that somebody is hiring. He wants a nice hot shower and to sleep in his own bed.

He suddenly remembers his phone. He’s had it on vibrate, and he’s hoping that no one has called. He slows down as he checks messages and is surprised to find four missed calls from Kathy. Maybe he wants her to return her calls so that she could wish him a happy New Year. She did leave voice mail. He decides to listen to the most recent one, having too much things on his mind to actually talk to her. He dials the number to the voicemail and lifts his phone to his ear, walking even slower while he listens to what his mother has to say.

“Jim, this is your mom,” she whispers. A sniffle and a shaky sigh follow. “I really wish you’d pick up the phone. Something really bad has happened. I really have no one else to talk to, no one will tell me anything, other than it was a massive stroke. Your father doesn’t really care; he never liked him anyway.” There’s a pause before she speaks again, her voice unsteady, “Scott’s dead, Jim. And I don’t know what to do. They’re trying to arrange everything, but no one will tell me anything. It’s not fair, you know.../” Jim has stopped walking as soon after that sentence, and he remains motionless. /“It’s strange. He was always so full of life and healthier than me. I don’t know how it could’ve happened.” A sigh. “Please get back to me soon James. Please? I’ll call you later. Bye.”

Jim slowly takes the phone away from his ears and hangs it up, putting it back into his pocket. After standing there for what seemed like an eternity for him, he breathes unsteadily, and continues to walk downstairs for his floor. He wants a nice hot shower and to sleep in his own bed.