FicWad

A/N: Hey guys! Just another quick thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter, I’m so happy to hear some of you would like to read more of my stories if I wrote them (which I will no worries!) You’ve all been really nice to me and I really appreciate hearing your feedback and rates and everything! Sorry this update’s been taking a while, I’ve not had much time this week as it’s my friend’s birthday so I’ve been making her these two paintings of Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe which are taking AGES. But anyway, here it is, the last installment! Again, thanks to everyone who stuck by me in this, big BIG love to all of you and I really hope you enjoy it! Immy xo.

A little fact you should know about me, I’ve recently stopped taking sugar in my coffee.

It’s become a routine for me that, every morning, I get up, take a shower, get dressed and make my way as quickly as possible out the house and into college, in dire need of my poison. People have actually stood aside for me to make my fastest route to the old black machine ticking away in the corner. They know coffee is a priority of mine and comes before anything and everything the minute I wake up. I have to have my caffeine fix, just one cup can set me up for the day, but, if neglected, can turn me into some sort of brain washed zombie. I don’t speak to anyone when I first enter the classroom, and trust me, that’s for their benefit. My first words in the morning are normally some sort of incoherent growling that perhaps a bear or some other hairy predator could understand, and let’s not even talk about how bad my attitude is once I do start speaking. I’m a complete monster until the black liquid is pouring down my throat, it really is best to stay away from me in the mornings. Once I’ve arrived at my own personal haven, the same four buttons are pressed in a variety of combinations, before the confirmation green light comes on with a beep, and the infamous juddering and whirring of the coffee machine sounds in the room. My stomach bubbles in anticipation as I watch the buttons I’ve pressed flashing rhythmically, and I put my own ‘Batman’ cup on the small metal counter, waiting for the familiar dark stream to erupt into its new home. I can smell the coffee beans, my mouth watering for the sweet taste, and as soon as the river of caffeine is pouring down like a black water fall, I’ve ripped the cup out from under the counter, and am busy emptying packet after packet of sugar into the cup. I am equipped with a spoon already in my jacket pocket, and stir in the white crystals until the mixture becomes slightly thick and absolutely gorgeous to taste. Then, I take a mouthful, and every aspect of the crummy old room I’m standing in with the crummy old people who always get in early like I do becomes miraculously better, and I’m done.

Today was different though. Today, I decided to prove a point to myself. Now, I know, in the grand scheme of everything, this minute detail of how many sugars I put in my coffee seems pretty meaningless, but it wasn’t. I wanted a change, I wanted to show myself I could accept and go with change in as many ways possible, right down to this. Change keeps the world exciting, fresh, and I had been so bogged down in my own little routine every morning that I had started to neglect it. When I patted my pocket to confirm it was empty, I smiled, looking back into the cup. I didn’t need that much sugar, I knew I wasn’t doing myself any good in having it, and as I stirred the murky liquid, I wondered why I ever started adding it in the first place. I took my first sip, and sighed, a small smile creeping past my lips. In the five years I’ve been taking sugar in my coffee, I realised I could actually value and prefer its taste without. It was sharp, slightly tangy, a complete contrast to what I was so used to, but so... Addictive. One little knock out of my comfort zone was all I needed to realise that change isn’t that bad at all, and I soon became very very accepting with each mouthful. I took another sip, and another, until I was draining the cup completely empty, running my finger around the rim just to catch any last remnants of the stuff. It completely relaxed me for a moment, whilst waking me up at the same time, and soon I was back to the coffee machine for another cup, whining when Ray entered the classroom and took my hand to lead me back to our corner. I frowned with a small smile, Ray knowing I’d been here a while despite how I tried to convince him otherwise. He even pulled out a cereal bar from his bag for me on cue as my stomach rumbled, and I rolled my eyes fondly, taking it with a grateful smile. Have I mentioned he’s actually my mother sometimes?

Anyway, where was I? Change. Yes. I’ve been trying to push the boundaries of my own comfort zone a lot recently to get me more used to change, and I have to say it’s actually been working. Each night, tragic as it may sound, I would hide or purposely misplace an item of clothing or a piece of work that I needed for the next day, purely to mess up and change the routine I’ve worked myself into. I would take longer in the shower, maybe use a different body wash, and even try taking a different route to college one day. The third one, I have to say was a bad idea as I ended up ten minutes late for first lesson, no coffee in hand, and grumpy as the devil. But it was something different, something that shook up the normality of my own life so, as the day progressed, I learned to accept and appreciate the decision. As each day ticked slowly by, I found myself trying more and more new things, aiming to make change a part of my life just as this routine was. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t doing this for any old reason, it was something I had to do. I had to be prepared for the changes I was about to make in my life that could, and would affect me a lot more than what I did with my sugar and which shower gel I used in the morning. These changes would affect who I was as a person and I couldn’t sit back and watch the world go by any longer. I couldn’t just hide under my duvet like I’d been doing this past couple of weeks, it was time to get out and face the music, I couldn’t hold back. I wasn’t happy with my life as it was and was deliberating on what my options were. I had called Jamia the other day and met up in the park with her to talk about us. I knew it would hurt her, what I said, it was a shock for me too, but if anyone deserved honesty then she certainly did. I didn’t mention Gerard, or the sins I’d been learning or anything like that, but I needed to get off my chest that I just didn’t think I liked girls.

Wow. Even thinking about that conversation with Jamia made my head spin. I felt nervous and upset whilst telling her, so worried I was going to break her heart, or she’d find out I’d been using her or something like that. I was so desperate to take any friendship that could be salvaged from this breakup, and hoped that if I was just honest with her it would be okay. Though, obviously we both felt a little overwhelmed, me especially as lately, I had been anything but true to myself and that afternoon with Gerard made everything come flooding through me. I didn’t care what happened, I didn’t care if this there was only one more sin left, I just needed to be with him no matter what. On realising that, it all dawned that I really could never settle in a conventional relationship with a woman, even one as perfect as Jamia, because deep down, I’d know what I was missing. I’d never be able to give up Gerard, and knew that I’d just kill myself trying to deny him any longer. I felt so strongly for him, and had given up trying to get away. I didn’t want to be sorry for who I was, I didn’t want to confess my sins when, to me, being with Gerard felt right. When I was in his arms the other day, fuck, even as far back as when we kissed on the beach, I felt secure. I felt like I could live happy if he became my boyfriend, I felt that my heart was in the right place, and maybe, for once, God wasn’t. I kept trying to tell myself that Catholicism was my identity, that religion was my main priority in life, but as I learned the art of lust, gluttony, pride and sloth, I knew there was no going back. What use was it saying I still believed in a God who punished mortals and sent them to Hell for being gay, when I had enjoyed every single time with the man, and couldn’t wait to have more? I couldn’t believe in something that my body and mind just wouldn’t handle, and knew that my religion had to end if the choice was between losing Gerard.

Of course, Jay was upset. So was I. On telling her I thought I was gay, the realisation of saying it for the first time hit me like a punching bag and I felt awful. I felt afraid, like that little kid at the start of college who was desperate to be accepted. Part of me just wanted to run away and hide in my room and never come out, to sit with my dad and just let him tell me it would all be okay. A big part wished I could take back what I said and tell her it was a different reason, that I just wasn’t ready to date yet or something. Deep down though, I felt like I was doing the right thing, that Jamia deserved my honesty and would accept me for who I was, and that part seemed to be the strongest out of the three. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I told her over and over how perfect she was, how it was my fault that I just couldn’t handle it. I held her close to me as we cried for a moment under the tree, Jamia hushing me and telling me we would work things out like the absolute saint she is. As I held her, so afraid of being rejected and losing our friendship, Jamia’s tears slowly dried, and she asked what the matter was. I was surprised when she actually laughed as I confessed, only to pull me close and stroke my hair off my face. The black locks tickled my skin gently, and I bit my lip, smiling a little as her eyes locked with mine. I could see she wasn’t really happy, but at least I had convinced her that none of this was her doing. I had explained over and over that it was me, and I think, as we sat together, Jamia was starting to realise that. She told me that, no matter what, we’d always be best friends, and she would help me through what was going on so I wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. At those words, I looked up into her chocolate brown eyes and smiled, crying gently into her shirt and feeling more and more like the friend I always had been.

As she sat with me in the park, the pair of us soon relaxed together, just laying by the tree and sighing. Tears lay dried on my cheeks, as did hers, my lashes sticking a little as I opened my eyes to look up and check she was okay. When I saw that soft smile on her lips, the one she flexed normally when she was around me, I felt hopeful, and knew things would be okay. It was strange; I think secretly, from the very beginning when we started dating, we knew it wouldn’t last very long. I thought back with her about all the conversations we’d had, they were all so mundane, so normal. Just like how we always talked, nothing flirty, nothing particularly special, nothing that showed any real connection between a boyfriend and girlfriend. Most people didn’t know we were going out, and I could tell my friends were finding it just a little bit strange that we were. Obviously they were happy, my friends supported me in anything I do, but they’d always look at us a little hesitantly before smiling or something, trying to judge if this was what we really wanted, I suppose. They too were worried for us, and knew our friendship was at risk if anything went wrong, but I think I’m safe to say they didn’t need to worry anymore. My true friendship had been completely rekindled with Jamia that night, she was the only one so far that knew I was gay, but promised she’d help and support me through everything, I really couldn’t ask for anything better. When questioning my faith and what I would do about that, I felt nervous at first, before just being honest with her and myself and admitting that I really didn’t think I could carry it on anymore. Mom was really the only strict Catholic in my family, but, as I was growing up, kept checking to see if I still wanted to be a part of it. She and I both knew that there were a lot of rules in this religion, and though she still believed, I knew that when I eventually told her, she would support me too. Mom was always looking out for me, and often said when I was younger that, whatever I grew up to be, God would still love me because He made me this way.

I never really understood what she meant by that, but I think she was talking about if something like this happened.

I sighed and resumed back to the present day, my mind just skimming over how I left things with Jamia. When she entered the classroom, I beamed and beckoned her over. I smiled softly and greeted her with a hug, before just sitting beside her and looking at all the other guys with a soft smile. They looked between each other and frowned a little, Ray leaning closer and asking me softly why I hadn’t kissed her or done any of the other boyfriendy things I do normally when she’s around. I looked at Jay and she smiled, nodding as I told all of them that we’d decided to leave dating for a while.

‘We thought we were better off friends,’ Jay smiled and I nodded, Ray biting his lip and looking worriedly at the others. I knew what he was thinking. Oh no. Awkward ‘let’s just be friends,’ moments were sure to be right around the corner. I mean, what relationship that ended in ‘let’s just be friends’ wasn’t incredibly awkward afterwards? Those kind of breakups were hardly ever mutual, and it would be an absolute miracle if both parties genuinely wanted to be ‘friends’ without bringing up some snide personal remark to the other one in front of the group sometime. Me and Jay were different though, and she laughed at Ray’s worried glance, knowing how much of a mom he is and was quick to reassure him. ‘Honestly Ray, Frankie and I talked about it for ages, didn’t we?’ She smiled at me and I nodded, letting her continue. ‘We were both just completely honest with each other, and valued our friendship a lot more than being boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyway... Brendan’s kinda hot.’ At that, I snapped right out of everything and looked at her, the whole group exchanging a judgemental look at the nerd, before cracking up laughing. I smirked at Jamia’s high pitched ‘what!?’ unable to believe she actually found the puppy dog with a bowl cut good looking.

‘Ooh God, it’s a tough one which aspect of B’den is more irresistible,’ Zacky laughed, Johnny smirking as we all made a few jokes together.

‘Completely, Z, now, is it that Paul McCartney hairdo that’s doing it for me? Hmm...’

‘Oh come on guys, don’t be mean,’ Ray scolded playfully, Jamia and I still chuckling as he feigned serious for a moment. ‘It’s his killer charm and knowledge of quantum physics, duh.’ I laughed and wrapped an arm round Jay, shaking her head with a frown as a grin just split my features. Her eyes were full of amusement, and soon she was smiling just like the rest of us as we all tried to work out what Jay could actually see in him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the guy’s nice as pie, and I mean, he fixed the coffee machine for us so in a way he is my personal saviour. But the guy is a massive nerd, rumour has it he’s teaching himself the quantum physics thing for fun and cos ‘it’s interesting.’ Right...

As we all laughed and joked together, I smiled, feeling more and more elated. I hadn’t felt like this in a long while, I thought I was happy when I finally left Gee, but one look at him brought it all crashing down again. Here, I wasn’t even thinking about the man, despite the fact I hadn’t seen him in days. I was ill on Wednesday with a fever, just a twenty four hour thing but I couldn’t have gone in. I was so pissed off. I had art every other day and this would be my only chance to see Gerard until Friday. But no, there I was, coughing and sneezing like no tomorrow, tucked up in bed. In a way, I suppose I was kinda glad, I mean, I wanted to see him so badly, but I knew that when I did, we would learn the final sin, and then it would all be over. It helped me drag the lessons out longer, and I was contemplating faking sick for today too just so I could have another day waiting for the magical moment of seeing him. But I was much better today, and I couldn’t miss college again with the work I had to catch up on. I didn’t have art until tomorrow, and slowly, I felt Gerard creeping into my head as I listened to everyone chatting. His gorgeous hazel eyes, his strong arms, his soft lips whirled round my brain and I found myself entranced, completely craving to see him. I sighed softly and closed my eyes, mumbling ‘yeah, just tired,’ when Bob asked if I was okay. I smiled as I thought about the man, about my name just sailing from those beautiful lips. ‘Frankie... oh Frankie...’ I’d heard that so many times now, and it really never got old. I loved it when he called my name, when he whispered it, heck; even shivers ran down my spine when he said it in class. Every aspect of him was completely desirable and irresistible; I was at a complete loss of how I could get through my English lesson without losing myself in thought like I was now. I tried to get myself back into the present world again, but every part of me was just tingling with anticipation. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow; I had to see him today. Now.

The shrill ringing of the bell erupted through my thoughts and cracked down like a lightning bolt, making me groan and clutch my head. Bob and the others looked over in concern, Ray immediately bending down to see if I was okay. Ah, brilliant. If I go to the nurse... I groaned again and shook my head, whimpering that my head was just pounding, and asked if he had an aspirin. I murmured gently something about how sluggish I felt, Bob nodding and touching my hand. He offered to take me to the sick bay, sighing with a nod at my soft ‘I can go, don’t worry.’ I suppose he wanted a free ride off English too, but I couldn’t let him come. I couldn’t let anyone go with me, I needed to be alone. Once I’d convinced the pair of them I was sufficiently sick to miss English, ‘only if you think I should though,’ I was sent out by Ray, chuckling weakly as he insisted I get gone. At his cue, I walked off with my head bowed, hiding the tiny smirk on my lips as I pulled my hoodie up over my head. I fiddled with the white rope toggles until they were the same length, shoving my hands into the navy pocket and walking off to the nurse’s office. I knew my way to Gerard’s from just about any location in the college by now, so could easily slip past and through a short corridor, walking up a flight of stairs before I was at the back end of the art block. I knew Gerard had no lessons right now, he often teased us in class about his ‘glorious Thursday mornings off,’ and I took that to my advantage. I snuck along the corridor, looking at all the paintings along the way and sighing. I stopped suddenly as I heard footsteps, and darted behind the wall to his room, poking my head round to see. A smile tugged at my lips at who it was, the man’s head lowered a fraction as he sipped at a blue mug with a superhero on. Gerard didn’t notice me, and walked straight into his room, making me sigh in delight. He looked absolutely gorgeous, and I beamed, taking off my hoodie and stuffing it in my bag. I double checked my white v neck over in one of the mirrors here and made sure my hair was okay, before walking quietly in to the art room with a soft ‘Gerard?’

‘Yep? Mmm, sorry it’s a bit cold in here, the heating’s only just come o- oh! Frankie?’ He gasped gently as he turned round, looking into my eyes. ‘Hey you,’ was all he said, all he really needed to say, because that smile told me just what he was thinking. It was soft and gentle, but I could tell he was glad to see me. I stepped forward and bit my lip, running a hand through my hair. He was surprised; I could tell, but put down his cup and walked over, shutting the door with a gentle ‘click.’ I watched him flick the lock on it, dragging down the beige blind so we were completely alone together and sighed and he walked over to me and rested his arms round my waist. ‘What brings you here then Frankie?’ I sighed gently at the soft word drifting past his lips, and just rested closer, feeling at an absolute loss now I was looking up at him. Why was I here really? I couldn’t remember, I didn’t even have art today, yet I had felt it absolutely necessary to bunk off my English lesson just to... well, just to see him. I bit my lip with a soft blush, offering a small shrug and a cheeky little smile to his question. Gerard laughed and shook his head fondly, touching my cheek softly and drawing me closer. ‘Mmm? Just came to see me huh? You’re so sweet Frankie.’ With that, the man closed the small gap between us and captured my lips in a soft kiss. I smiled and felt my hands instantly moving to wrap round his neck, my fingers running over the black collar of his shirt. I don’t know what it was about kissing him that I enjoyed so much, but this one had to be the best by far. As I thought about it, a reason started forming in my head that made me just press closer and kiss him more tenderly. It was so strange, each of our kisses before, bar that time on the beach, had been for some sort of reason. They’d been shared to seduce me into each sin, or perhaps to have a lusty, passionate moment during or straight after them. This one, however, well... He didn’t even know I was coming over. We hadn’t planned anything for this, it was a completely spontaneous moment which didn’t have to have anything to do with the final sin, and it made me feel so elated. It was like, just for a moment, we were two people who were making out because we could.I worked my lips over his again and again, tangling my fingers through the man’s slightly damp locks. I figured he had been outside as the soft patter of the rain confirmed why his hair was a little wet. He giggled, tugging me closer and continuing to kiss me. Again, this was very unusual. We never kissed for this long together, especially just on the basis of ‘I want to.’ It was magical, and just wanted to revel in his lips all day, but still felt satisfied when we both pulled back. I sighed and continued kissing Gerard for just a moment, until our lips finally stilled and he touched his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. ‘I’m glad you’re here Frankie...’

‘I just wanted to see you.’

‘I wanted to see you too, where were you yesterday?’ At that, Gerard pulled back a little and looked at me, his face full of concern. I sighed and smiled, softly reassuring him I was just sick, but I’m better now and that’s why I came over. I was touched by how worried he looked for me, and at the mention that I was sick, a soft ‘oh’ emitted from his lips, and I was gently taken over to sit on the couch.

‘Honestly Gerard I’m fine, Gee I’m fine,’ I laughed, biting my lip as he looked at me, sitting down next to me and smiling. ‘Is Gee okay?’ I asked, feeling slightly giddy from the little nickname and I wasn’t sure why. He seemed to like it too though, and immediately consented with a nod, before kissing over my lips again. I smiled and wrapped my arms back round his neck, kneeling up on the couch a little and sighing. ‘Mmm... Good...’ I purred, snuggled in his arms as the man held me close. As we kissed, my name or little pet names such as ‘my boy,’ or ‘my Frankie’ slipped past his lips more frequently. At one moment, I heard something muffled about wanting to keep me safe, and I sighed, feeling so touched. I knew he was worried about me being ill, but the fact that he wanted to protect me meant so much more, I just sunk against him, barely able to contain myself. We were both knelt on the couch facing each other, his arms wrapped securely round my back whilst mine draped round his neck. I wasn’t sure what this was, maybe it was his way of teaching me the last sin, maybe it was his way of relishing in it to make it last longer, but I was over the moon either way. I could have kissed and kissed him all day long, he was just completely irresistible. I sighed and let my hands do the work as we broke the kiss, undoing his buttons one by one as the man lifted my t shirt over my head. I smiled and looked at him, able to take in his absolutely flawless body again, his creamy torso and toned muscles something I could no longer deny myself of. I knew I was gay, I just had to be. Even if it was just for Gerard, I knew no girl could ever make me feel the way he did, and we hadn’t even done anything. I sighed and leaned forward, stroking my hands down his chest and touching one of his nipples, judging his reaction. Gerard gasped softly and looked at me, nodding to show it was okay, and sighed.

‘Ooh, Frankie...’ He sighed softly, tugging me closer as I moved my lips down to his neck. ‘Mm, that’s so nice.’ I smiled and looked up at the man as he arched his back in pleasure, my fingers pinching and rubbing over the hardened nub. My lips slowly moved closer and closer to the spec of flesh on his torso, and I smiled, just wanting to make him feel good for a change. All this time, I knew Gerard was getting kicks out of being with me, but never in the leading up to it, never in the way that I did. I wanted to take my time and explore every part of him, and kissed over his nipple slowly but eagerly to show that. My hands roamed over his body as he groaned my name, watching me sucking and licking his nipple slowly, rolling it between my teeth. He was rubbing his hips over mine, and I could feel my blood rushing south as I gave his other nipple the same treatment. ‘Oh God,’ he groaned, running his fingers down my back and over the soft skin, before tangling them through my hair again. I smiled and undid his belt, letting him awkwardly remove his jeans whilst kneeling, before we got to mine. I wriggled out of the black denim and smirked softly as neither of us were wearing underwear. I swear Gerard just doesn’t own any, I don’t think I’ve ever been with him where he’s worn a pair. Not that I’m complaining, of course. As I sucked at his nipple, swirling my tongue around the flesh, I could feel my semi quickly turning into a throbbing, aching erection. I groaned around his nipple and worked my way back up to the man’s lips, our kiss much more heated, but still as passionate as before. I sighed and pushed my tongue into his mouth, wanting to explore every part of him in case it really would be the last time I ever did this.

Gerard sighed and took one of my hands, pushing me gently to lie on my back. Here, he parted my legs and started rocking against me, our fingers laced as our erections rubbed against each other. At the contact, I groaned out into his mouth, our kisses hot and wet with slightly frenzied passion. The harder we got, the more aching I could feel, and I curled my fingers round the sofa cushions in anticipation. I needed him to take care of me, I wanted him inside me right from the moment I got here and this was it. Whether it would be the last time or not, I needed to make the most of it, I needed to have as much as I could with him, I needed to make this moment unforgettable. Gerard gripped at my hand as he too became painfully hard against me, leaning over to get some lube out of the side drawer. He groaned at any movement, and grabbed it quickly, working himself up into a slick, leaking erection, and pushing deep into me in one passionate kiss. I was so used to him by now it barely hurt, but I still felt the immense heat and sweat coating me when he started to move, his hand already at my erection. I suppose it was a little different to how we normally do it. I mean, yeah it was still fast paced and full of heavy moans of the other person’s name, but there was more... I don’t know. More kissing, certainly, the whole thing just felt tenderer I guess. More loving, if you could call any of what we had love. I think you could, and from the way Gerard was squeezing my hand and whimpering how much he wanted me, I felt he thought the same.

His thrusting was heavy and deep into me each time, searching for that spot he’d just ripped into only a few days ago. Despite the space between meetings with him, I never forgot each time, and the last one was particularly memorable for that reason. As I felt his thrusts angling a little, I groaned, encouraging him with clenches in the right places to show he was close. I wanted to feel what only Gerard could make me feel, for him to find that spot inside me that was so utterly amazing and exclusive to just us. No girl could ever find it for me, and I knew I could never go back from the moment I had that amazing sensation erupting through my body. I had to end it with Jamia, Gerard just triggered something inside me that I couldn’t get enough of, and, as he slammed straight into that sweet spot of mine, I swear I had never felt so incredible. I gasped and blushed deeply, my muscles clenching tight around his erection as I groaned his name loud into the room. Gerard arched his back like some sort of feline and kissed me passionately; riding into that spot over and over now he knew its location. I groaned and clenched rhythmically around him, our fingers lacing again as we both grasped my erection and worked it off quickly, eager to climax. Pre cum leaked out the tip vigorously and I groaned, arching my own back as I felt closer and closer to the edge. I was coated in a hot sweat by now, as was Gerard, our kisses deep and sloppy as he tried to keep our eyes open to look at each other a moment longer. When I could no longer hold it, I groaned loudly and arched into a near sitting position on the couch, cumming deeply over our hands and right on to his stomach.

‘Oh FRANKIE!’ Gerard groaned only seconds after I did, his hot seed filling my ass as he came too. I panted and continued to moan as he rode out his orgasm, pulling out with a shudder and falling down next to me, utterly spent. The pair of us looked at each other through hazy eyes, and I sighed, leaning close to kiss him weakly on the lips.

‘Oh Gee... Gerard, that was amazing,’ I murmured when I finally got my breath back, just wanting to be completely honest with him. ‘It’s always been amazing.’

‘You’re amazing Frankie, God, you’re just so-’ He was stroking my chest at this point, and pulled back a little as I met his gaze, so elated I didn’t realise what he’d noticed. Gerard touched my bare chest and ran his hand over my collar bone and around my neck, as if confirming it to himself what he was seeing was real. ‘You... You’re not wearing it?’ I looked down at his hand and moved it gently, smiling at the bare patch of skin where my cross used to lie. I hadn’t worn it since that day with Jamia, and shook my head as I met Gerard’s gaze again.

‘I’ve not worn it for a while now, I... I don’t want to believe anymore. I can’t.’ I sighed as I said those words, they still felt so new to me, but his gentle gaze relaxed me so much, I just felt it so easy to explain. ‘I’ve found myself living by these rules that, well, the past few weeks have just told me I can’t keep them anymore. Something always drags me back to breaking them, and well, I suppose it’s here where the last sin kinda fits, right?’ Gerard didn’t answer, and I sighed. ‘Well I... I want to be greedy, Gee. When you spoke to me last, I couldn’t believe how close to the end we were and well... it made me realise how much I’d give up to keep it all going.’ I looked at him nervously as I spoke, Gerard’s expression changing. His brow was furrowed, and his teeth were gently clamped over his lower lip, a soft ‘oh’ drifting past. ‘I don’t want this to end Gerard, and if that’s greedy of me then well, good, now you know I’m a... I’m a sinner too.’ I took a long moment and closed my eyes, sighing. ‘I couldn’t listen to God anymore, because it’s you who I want, you’ve become such a large part of me I just can’t let you go now,’ I sighed, knowing I was probably sounding like a blithering idiot but I just had to get it off my chest. ‘I’m saying I’m yours Gee.’

He was silent for a long while, and for a moment I actually contemplated whether he was still awake. When I opened my eyes, though, there he was, looking right at me, the hazel irises glistening with tears. I’ll never forget what he said to me, the tenderness of those words, and just melted completely, so overwhelmed. It was so perfect, again, it was all he needed to say, I really couldn't have asked for anything more as he spoke.

‘I’m yours too Frankie, I think part of me always has been.’ With that, he captured my lips in a tender kiss, lacing our fingers once more and sighing deeply into my mouth. I gasped and kissed him back, giggling at his murmur of ‘you greedy bastard,’ before I was laying down on the couch again, about to make love for the second time with the devil I truly belonged with.

xo.