Categories > Anime/Manga > Gundam Wing
I don't know you anymore by Azazel
Pairing: 1X2, implied 3X4
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Death, drug use (implied), shonen ai, major angst, & a tiny bit of fluff
Disclaimer: If you think I own them you have bigger problems than I do.
A/N: The song is from Savage Garden and I don't own it (or them) either.
A/N 2: This was an early nineteenth birthday present I gave to myself. As you might come to find after reading this I am not the happiest of campers.
June 28 AC 200 (1)
"You've reached Heero Yuy. I'm not in at the moment. If this is important please leave a message. If it is not important and you still insist on leaving a message be forewarned: I do not enjoy prank calls nor do I enjoy listening to inane messages and I will hunt down those who insist on leaving those messages. Here's the beep, proceed carefully."
"Heero? I guess you're not home. I really hate to do this over the phone but I don't have much choice. I hope you don't mind me calling after what I did but I just had to say this to you... I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me, someday. Maybe you already have but I still have to say this. We haven't spoken in a year; you're probably a different person. I know I am. I was thinking maybe we could get together sometime and talk... Na, you're right, we shouldn't have anything to do with each other anymore. But you know something? I don't know where I am any more, I can't seem to get my bearings on anything. It all feels sort of distant, like I'm not here any more. Even the pictures I have up on my walls don't seem all that familiar though they're all of you, the guys, and the war. I've even got the one of you when you had just gotten out of the hospital. Do you remember? It was spring. The cherry blossoms had just started to bloom. You were smiling even though you had been shot. That was right before everything went to shit..."
/Flashback March 15 AC 199/
Four men walk out of a cheerily decorated hospital, one pushing a wheelchair containing a scowling fifth man. A short blonde man is holding onto a taller sandy-haired man's hand laughing and talking. A man with long tawny hair is pushing the wheelchair, laughing and joking with the others. Walking beside the wheelchair in silence, but smiling, is a stern looking man with black hair and eyes dressed in a Preventers uniform carrying an extra jacket over his arm and personal effects bag in his hand.
As soon as they reach the doors to the outside the man in the wheelchair is up and walking out the automatic doors, not even pausing to wait for the others. Jogging to catch up with the brown haired young man the one with long hair grasps one arm and pulls him around, kissing him deeply. Smiling against the other's lips the longhaired youth says, "Don't you ever scare me like that again, Heero Yuy, or I will kick your beautiful tan ass. Do you get my drift or do you need me to demonstrate?"
Having just reached the couple and hearing the last few words the ebony-haired boy comments, "No, none of us needs to see another demonstration of anything you two do together, thank you." With that said Wufei unlocks the car and opens the door for Heero to enter, earning himself a glare for his trouble.
"I'm not an invalid and would appreciate not being treated as such." Still glaring Heero flops into the car missing the smirk that crosses the Chinese Preventer's face.
The car ride home is uneventful save for a few near accidents caused by the horrendous driving skills of Wufei. Upon arrival at the large two-story duplex Heero is greeted by a huge banner reading 'WELCOME HOME HEERO!!' in gaudy neon letters as well as the sounds of a party going on in the back yard. Glare intensifying, he turns on the obvious offender growling out, "I told you not to throw a party."
Smiling sweetly Duo responds, "I didn't. These people just showed up this morning and wanted to do something for you. I just didn't tell them not to." Leaning close to Heero he breaths into his ear, "Besides, it's better to let these people get their concern out of the way now because they're not gonna have a chance to later. You'll be busy. Very busy." Nipping lightly at the lobe presented to him, Duo gets out of the car and holds out a hand as if to help Heero. Refusing the indignity Heero stubbornly steps out of the car on his own, coldly staring at the proffered limb and its owner.
Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei are already in the back yard regaling the crowd with the tale of how Heero made the nurse cry with nothing but a look. Relena, a group of fellow Preventers, and other close friends are gathered around the trio gasping and agreeing as the story is told. Heero's partner is doubled over with laughter but somehow manages to comment, "He does the same thing to our poor secretary every morning. She's constantly bursting into tears every time she sees him!" This of course doesn't surprise any one considering who Heero is and how he acts toward everyone.
Nudging his lover in the ribs gently Duo asks, "Do you really make her cry?"
"Hn," is the only response he receives from Heero. They proceed to take their seats at a table set with more garish neon coloration. Electric blue cups and tangerine plates are set all around the table interspersed with green utensils and pink napkins that also say 'welcome home!' in bright yellow letters. Duo silently rises and heads toward the house, a small smile on his face. When he returns the others have already begun eating and drinking happily. He takes his seat by Heero again, pulling out a digital camera and quickly taking several pictures of various people without their knowledge, including Heero who is talking politely with his partner's wife. Quatre is the first to notice that they are being documented.
Jumping up from his seat next to Trowa, Quatre lets loose a genki squeal pointing at Duo and the camera, "You! How dare you start taking pictures without telling me?! I should have known." Duo smiles sheepishly and bows his head, knowing he'd been caught. Awaiting the wrath of his lover for having the audacity to take a picture of him without his knowing it he is surprised when all Heero does is take the camera from him, take a picture of Quatre huffing, and return the camera to his hand with a whisper of a smile. Thoroughly shocked, Duo can only smile broadly at the gathered people.
The party continues into the evening. When at last the final couple left and the only ones left in the spacious yard are the Gundam pilots Duo gathers them around Heero to take the last picture of the night. Heero looks somewhat worn but smiles at the camera nonetheless. After setting down the camera Duo says goodnight to Quatre and Trowa hugging each and wishes them a safe drive home. Wufei pats Heero on the shoulder and turns toward the house he shares with the couple, grinning at Duo as they pass each other. Duo sits in the grass next to Heero's feet and leans against his legs humming softly to himself. Heero reaches down and strokes Duo's hair and murmurs, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
/End Flashback/
"Gods, I remember it like it was yesterday. I wish it were. At least then I would have a chance to let you know what an idiot you were getting involved with. I can't say enough how sorry I am even though I know it won't make up for anything I did and it would do even less about the things I didn't do. A year later and I can still see the look in your eyes. The way you couldn't help but be disappointed and disgusted with me. If I saw you now, would you still look at me like that? You wouldn't believe the year I've had. I quit. Can you believe that? I gave up the one thing, besides you, that kept me sane. And I gave it up after you left, so what to do about my sanity now? I'm not sure. But just so you know; I still hate myself for what I did to you, what I did to us. And if I ever get the chance I hope to somehow make it up to you. If I could take back that day, I would give my life to do so..."
/Flashback June 28 AC 199/
"Duo, what's this?" Holding out his left hand Heero gestures to its contents: a small black bag containing a syringe, a tiny plastic bag filled with white powder, and a length of cord. Duo pales when he sees what Heero is holding, his eyes widening. "Duo, what is this? Answer me."
"It's nothing. Where did you find that?" Reaching for the bag Duo is stopped when it is snatched away. "Give it to me Heero." Reaching for the bag again he is stopped once more, this time by Heero holding out his empty right hand to Duo's chest. "I'm serious Heero. Give me the bag."
"No. Not until you tell me what it is and why you didn't want me to find it. Is it what I think it is?" When Duo refuses to look him in the eyes Heero grows suspicious. "Heroin? We have a stash of heroin in our house? Why? Is it yours?"
Duo looks at his shoes and mumbles out, "Yes."
"Yes? Yes what? Yes it's heroin? Or yes it's yours?" Glaring daggers at Duo for hesitating, Heero awaits the answer he dreads.
"Yes it's heroin and yes it's mine. There, are you satisfied? I answered your questions now give it back to me." Duo holds out his hand for the bag and looks up when it is not returned. "What?"
"'What?' That's all you've got to say? 'What?' Gods Duo... Are you using it?"
Gazing back down Duo blushes slightly and sighs, "...yes."
Without missing a beat Heero goes on testily, "How long?"
His voice becoming smaller with each word Duo responds, "...right before the first war."
"That's almost five years. Fuck, Duo. Why? I have to know why you would do this to yourself."
Duo's shoulders sink at the question and he bites his lip before answering softly, "I needed something to keep me sane during the wars. I found it. I used it. What more is there to know?"
"That doesn't explain why you still have it. The wars are over, have been for some time now. So why do you still have this?"
Looking everywhere but at Heero, Duo can't keep from fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I still need it. I can't let it go."
Heero shakes his head and sighs. "You still need this. This is going to kill you. You promised your life to me and I won't allow you to do this to yourself any more. I can't. I'll help you however I can, if you'll let me. But you can't keep doing this. Duo, please?" Stepping closer to Duo, Heero reaches out with the unoccupied hand and brings him into a fierce hug, keeping the hand holding the bag behind his back. "Duo, I won't stay if you insist on doing this to yourself. I won't watch you be destroyed." Duo wraps his arms around Heero's waist for a moment then slides them down the arm holding the bag tightly. Heero attempts to retract the hand with the bag in it but Duo grasps his wrist in one hand and the bag with the other, pulling it away from Heero. (2)
Clutching the bag tightly to his chest, Duo looks up to find Heero with tears streaming down his face, a look of utter devastation marring his features. He reaches out to wipe away the tears but Heero flinches back from his touch, sending a lance of pain through his tattered heart. Duo shakes his head and begins to plead, "Heero, I can't-"
"No. I don't want to hear excuses. You made your choice and it wasn't me. Call me when you don't need it any more. Goodbye Duo." With that Heero turns to the door and leaves without looking back as Duo falls to his knees, sobbing.
/End Flashback/
"I'm so stupid. I couldn't even see what you were offering and it was right in front of my face. You were willing to give me the world and all I could do was hurt you. I probably shouldn't have called you. You've probably moved on and don't want anything to do with me and I don't blame you one bit. The wounds are still fresh for me but that's alright; they always will be I think. Oh well, it doesn't matter now. I just wanted you to be the first to know. I don't think I ever told you this to your face but I'll say it now: I love you. I always have and always will, no matter what Heero. I'm just sorry I never told you in person. Gods what I wouldn't give to see your face just one more time. Come to think of it, I can still see your face... This is goodbye for real and all I can see is your face... I see your face... #click# I see your face." #BANG!! Thump. Buzz. # (3)
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"Today marks one year since I left. Do you think he's okay?" Walking into his apartment followed by Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei; Heero notices his answering machine blinking. Not being in the mood to listen to his secretary babble about tomorrows meeting schedule he doesn't press play. Quatre also notices it and immediately has a very bad feeling.
"Heero, aren't you going to check your messages?"
"Not now. I don't care about tomorrows schedule. It can wait."
"Heero, I think you should check them. Something is wrong. My space heart isn't picking up anything from Duo."
Heero sighs and reaches for the play button.
"Heero? I guess you're not home..."
Owari?
(1)- This is my b-day (not the AC 200 part of course). Sick and twisted, I know. I torture my fave chars on what's meant to be a happy day.
(2)- This is a scene from Gia, a beautiful depiction of addiction with Angelina Jolie. Go watch it. Be warned though, there are a few "graphic" scenes of lesbianism (however if you read this and are ok with two guys why not Angelina Jolie and some blond chick?)
(3)- These are the last few lines of the song for which this is titled.
Pairing: 1X2, implied 3X4
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Death, drug use (implied), shonen ai, major angst, & a tiny bit of fluff
Disclaimer: If you think I own them you have bigger problems than I do.
A/N: The song is from Savage Garden and I don't own it (or them) either.
A/N 2: This was an early nineteenth birthday present I gave to myself. As you might come to find after reading this I am not the happiest of campers.
June 28 AC 200 (1)
"You've reached Heero Yuy. I'm not in at the moment. If this is important please leave a message. If it is not important and you still insist on leaving a message be forewarned: I do not enjoy prank calls nor do I enjoy listening to inane messages and I will hunt down those who insist on leaving those messages. Here's the beep, proceed carefully."
"Heero? I guess you're not home. I really hate to do this over the phone but I don't have much choice. I hope you don't mind me calling after what I did but I just had to say this to you... I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me, someday. Maybe you already have but I still have to say this. We haven't spoken in a year; you're probably a different person. I know I am. I was thinking maybe we could get together sometime and talk... Na, you're right, we shouldn't have anything to do with each other anymore. But you know something? I don't know where I am any more, I can't seem to get my bearings on anything. It all feels sort of distant, like I'm not here any more. Even the pictures I have up on my walls don't seem all that familiar though they're all of you, the guys, and the war. I've even got the one of you when you had just gotten out of the hospital. Do you remember? It was spring. The cherry blossoms had just started to bloom. You were smiling even though you had been shot. That was right before everything went to shit..."
/Flashback March 15 AC 199/
Four men walk out of a cheerily decorated hospital, one pushing a wheelchair containing a scowling fifth man. A short blonde man is holding onto a taller sandy-haired man's hand laughing and talking. A man with long tawny hair is pushing the wheelchair, laughing and joking with the others. Walking beside the wheelchair in silence, but smiling, is a stern looking man with black hair and eyes dressed in a Preventers uniform carrying an extra jacket over his arm and personal effects bag in his hand.
As soon as they reach the doors to the outside the man in the wheelchair is up and walking out the automatic doors, not even pausing to wait for the others. Jogging to catch up with the brown haired young man the one with long hair grasps one arm and pulls him around, kissing him deeply. Smiling against the other's lips the longhaired youth says, "Don't you ever scare me like that again, Heero Yuy, or I will kick your beautiful tan ass. Do you get my drift or do you need me to demonstrate?"
Having just reached the couple and hearing the last few words the ebony-haired boy comments, "No, none of us needs to see another demonstration of anything you two do together, thank you." With that said Wufei unlocks the car and opens the door for Heero to enter, earning himself a glare for his trouble.
"I'm not an invalid and would appreciate not being treated as such." Still glaring Heero flops into the car missing the smirk that crosses the Chinese Preventer's face.
The car ride home is uneventful save for a few near accidents caused by the horrendous driving skills of Wufei. Upon arrival at the large two-story duplex Heero is greeted by a huge banner reading 'WELCOME HOME HEERO!!' in gaudy neon letters as well as the sounds of a party going on in the back yard. Glare intensifying, he turns on the obvious offender growling out, "I told you not to throw a party."
Smiling sweetly Duo responds, "I didn't. These people just showed up this morning and wanted to do something for you. I just didn't tell them not to." Leaning close to Heero he breaths into his ear, "Besides, it's better to let these people get their concern out of the way now because they're not gonna have a chance to later. You'll be busy. Very busy." Nipping lightly at the lobe presented to him, Duo gets out of the car and holds out a hand as if to help Heero. Refusing the indignity Heero stubbornly steps out of the car on his own, coldly staring at the proffered limb and its owner.
Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei are already in the back yard regaling the crowd with the tale of how Heero made the nurse cry with nothing but a look. Relena, a group of fellow Preventers, and other close friends are gathered around the trio gasping and agreeing as the story is told. Heero's partner is doubled over with laughter but somehow manages to comment, "He does the same thing to our poor secretary every morning. She's constantly bursting into tears every time she sees him!" This of course doesn't surprise any one considering who Heero is and how he acts toward everyone.
Nudging his lover in the ribs gently Duo asks, "Do you really make her cry?"
"Hn," is the only response he receives from Heero. They proceed to take their seats at a table set with more garish neon coloration. Electric blue cups and tangerine plates are set all around the table interspersed with green utensils and pink napkins that also say 'welcome home!' in bright yellow letters. Duo silently rises and heads toward the house, a small smile on his face. When he returns the others have already begun eating and drinking happily. He takes his seat by Heero again, pulling out a digital camera and quickly taking several pictures of various people without their knowledge, including Heero who is talking politely with his partner's wife. Quatre is the first to notice that they are being documented.
Jumping up from his seat next to Trowa, Quatre lets loose a genki squeal pointing at Duo and the camera, "You! How dare you start taking pictures without telling me?! I should have known." Duo smiles sheepishly and bows his head, knowing he'd been caught. Awaiting the wrath of his lover for having the audacity to take a picture of him without his knowing it he is surprised when all Heero does is take the camera from him, take a picture of Quatre huffing, and return the camera to his hand with a whisper of a smile. Thoroughly shocked, Duo can only smile broadly at the gathered people.
The party continues into the evening. When at last the final couple left and the only ones left in the spacious yard are the Gundam pilots Duo gathers them around Heero to take the last picture of the night. Heero looks somewhat worn but smiles at the camera nonetheless. After setting down the camera Duo says goodnight to Quatre and Trowa hugging each and wishes them a safe drive home. Wufei pats Heero on the shoulder and turns toward the house he shares with the couple, grinning at Duo as they pass each other. Duo sits in the grass next to Heero's feet and leans against his legs humming softly to himself. Heero reaches down and strokes Duo's hair and murmurs, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
/End Flashback/
"Gods, I remember it like it was yesterday. I wish it were. At least then I would have a chance to let you know what an idiot you were getting involved with. I can't say enough how sorry I am even though I know it won't make up for anything I did and it would do even less about the things I didn't do. A year later and I can still see the look in your eyes. The way you couldn't help but be disappointed and disgusted with me. If I saw you now, would you still look at me like that? You wouldn't believe the year I've had. I quit. Can you believe that? I gave up the one thing, besides you, that kept me sane. And I gave it up after you left, so what to do about my sanity now? I'm not sure. But just so you know; I still hate myself for what I did to you, what I did to us. And if I ever get the chance I hope to somehow make it up to you. If I could take back that day, I would give my life to do so..."
/Flashback June 28 AC 199/
"Duo, what's this?" Holding out his left hand Heero gestures to its contents: a small black bag containing a syringe, a tiny plastic bag filled with white powder, and a length of cord. Duo pales when he sees what Heero is holding, his eyes widening. "Duo, what is this? Answer me."
"It's nothing. Where did you find that?" Reaching for the bag Duo is stopped when it is snatched away. "Give it to me Heero." Reaching for the bag again he is stopped once more, this time by Heero holding out his empty right hand to Duo's chest. "I'm serious Heero. Give me the bag."
"No. Not until you tell me what it is and why you didn't want me to find it. Is it what I think it is?" When Duo refuses to look him in the eyes Heero grows suspicious. "Heroin? We have a stash of heroin in our house? Why? Is it yours?"
Duo looks at his shoes and mumbles out, "Yes."
"Yes? Yes what? Yes it's heroin? Or yes it's yours?" Glaring daggers at Duo for hesitating, Heero awaits the answer he dreads.
"Yes it's heroin and yes it's mine. There, are you satisfied? I answered your questions now give it back to me." Duo holds out his hand for the bag and looks up when it is not returned. "What?"
"'What?' That's all you've got to say? 'What?' Gods Duo... Are you using it?"
Gazing back down Duo blushes slightly and sighs, "...yes."
Without missing a beat Heero goes on testily, "How long?"
His voice becoming smaller with each word Duo responds, "...right before the first war."
"That's almost five years. Fuck, Duo. Why? I have to know why you would do this to yourself."
Duo's shoulders sink at the question and he bites his lip before answering softly, "I needed something to keep me sane during the wars. I found it. I used it. What more is there to know?"
"That doesn't explain why you still have it. The wars are over, have been for some time now. So why do you still have this?"
Looking everywhere but at Heero, Duo can't keep from fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I still need it. I can't let it go."
Heero shakes his head and sighs. "You still need this. This is going to kill you. You promised your life to me and I won't allow you to do this to yourself any more. I can't. I'll help you however I can, if you'll let me. But you can't keep doing this. Duo, please?" Stepping closer to Duo, Heero reaches out with the unoccupied hand and brings him into a fierce hug, keeping the hand holding the bag behind his back. "Duo, I won't stay if you insist on doing this to yourself. I won't watch you be destroyed." Duo wraps his arms around Heero's waist for a moment then slides them down the arm holding the bag tightly. Heero attempts to retract the hand with the bag in it but Duo grasps his wrist in one hand and the bag with the other, pulling it away from Heero. (2)
Clutching the bag tightly to his chest, Duo looks up to find Heero with tears streaming down his face, a look of utter devastation marring his features. He reaches out to wipe away the tears but Heero flinches back from his touch, sending a lance of pain through his tattered heart. Duo shakes his head and begins to plead, "Heero, I can't-"
"No. I don't want to hear excuses. You made your choice and it wasn't me. Call me when you don't need it any more. Goodbye Duo." With that Heero turns to the door and leaves without looking back as Duo falls to his knees, sobbing.
/End Flashback/
"I'm so stupid. I couldn't even see what you were offering and it was right in front of my face. You were willing to give me the world and all I could do was hurt you. I probably shouldn't have called you. You've probably moved on and don't want anything to do with me and I don't blame you one bit. The wounds are still fresh for me but that's alright; they always will be I think. Oh well, it doesn't matter now. I just wanted you to be the first to know. I don't think I ever told you this to your face but I'll say it now: I love you. I always have and always will, no matter what Heero. I'm just sorry I never told you in person. Gods what I wouldn't give to see your face just one more time. Come to think of it, I can still see your face... This is goodbye for real and all I can see is your face... I see your face... #click# I see your face." #BANG!! Thump. Buzz. # (3)
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"Today marks one year since I left. Do you think he's okay?" Walking into his apartment followed by Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei; Heero notices his answering machine blinking. Not being in the mood to listen to his secretary babble about tomorrows meeting schedule he doesn't press play. Quatre also notices it and immediately has a very bad feeling.
"Heero, aren't you going to check your messages?"
"Not now. I don't care about tomorrows schedule. It can wait."
"Heero, I think you should check them. Something is wrong. My space heart isn't picking up anything from Duo."
Heero sighs and reaches for the play button.
"Heero? I guess you're not home..."
Owari?
(1)- This is my b-day (not the AC 200 part of course). Sick and twisted, I know. I torture my fave chars on what's meant to be a happy day.
(2)- This is a scene from Gia, a beautiful depiction of addiction with Angelina Jolie. Go watch it. Be warned though, there are a few "graphic" scenes of lesbianism (however if you read this and are ok with two guys why not Angelina Jolie and some blond chick?)
(3)- These are the last few lines of the song for which this is titled.
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