FicWad

Somehow, this got deleted, so I'm reposting it. Chapter 3 should be up sometime tomorrow. Thanks for being patient with me.
Thank you so, so very much to anybody who has read, rated, or reviewed the first chapter, or is currently reading this. I tried to take all of the reviews into consideration. And I spell-checked this one.
Oh yeah, I should probably tell you this is picking up right where chapter 1 left off.
So read, and hopefully enjoy.

Gerard’s lips were soft and gentle as they moved against mine. I was so happy, I had waited nearly ten years for him, and now here we were, me sitting on his lap, with his tongue doing something wonderful. But at the same time, I was still scared. This was uncharted territory for me. I mean in theory, it sounds so easy, I wanted something so bad I couldn't stand it, and now I have it. All I have to do is enjoy it and be happy. But in actuality, it's a whole other story. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I don't even know if I'm gay, or bisexual. But what I do know is that I love Gerard. And I'll do anything to be with him.
And my mom is homophobic. That's another thing, what am I supposed to tell her? Not the truth, obviously, but at the same time, I don't want Gerard to think I'm ashamed to be with him. Cause I'm not. I'm scared to death what my family will think, but I'm not ashamed of Gerard. And if it comes to it, which I think it probably will, I'll choose Gerard over them. Just because Gerard loves me no matter what. They only love me if they're happy with what I'm doing. That means Gerard loves me more. And I want to feel loved, not judged.

And what about sex? What the fuck am I supposed to do? I mean, I know where everything...goes. I just, I've never done that before...with a guy. Apparently it hurts alot. Like a whole shitload. That makes me nervous.

All of this makes me nervous. I feel like I should feel bad about what I'm doing, but I don't, because it makes me too happy. But I know everybody else is gonna think it's wrong and -

"Frankie?" Gerard's voice brings me back to reality. "What's wrong? You do want this, don't you? You're so detached. I mean, you're kissing me, but it's like your mind is somewh-"

"I'm scared." I blurt out before I can stop myself.

He looks at me, trying to understand, "Tell me what you're afraid of, Frankie." His voice is reassuring.

"All of this. It new, and I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. And I'm confused. And-"

"Shh. Stop. You need to calm down, you're getting all worked up. You're gonna have some sort of complex." He pulled me to him, the feeling of his heart beating against my chest soothing.

"Okay. Now explain that again, cause you didn't exactly clear anything up for me."

I took a deep breath in through my nose, and let out as I talked.

"I've never been...with a guy before, I've never wanted to. Only you. And this...us...it scares me because it's so new, and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, like I'm just stumbling around, without a clue. I don't even know what I am. I mean I haven't really had that many girlfriends, the ones that I did have were just...they made me feel so...ugh. Not right. But you feel right. Ya know? You make me feel so happy. And that's another thing. I feel like this shouldfeel bad, wrong, but it doesn't. Everything we do together feels really good. And my mom. My mom's going to hate me. And sex, Gerard...holy god...I don't even know. Well, I mean I know where everything goes and stuff but still..."

I trailed off, running out of things to say, and also running low on oxygen.

His response surprised me. I was expecting some deep, thoughtful answer to all my problems. Cause that's just what Gerard does. He always makes everything better. But instead I got this:

"God Frankie, you are just so fucking adorable." Yeah, that's real helpful.
I rolled my eyes, and he caught it.

"No. Hey, I understand. I really do. It is hard and scary and confusing in the beginning. You wanna know what I figured out, though?" I simply nodded.

"Fuck everybody else. Fuck the world. When they have to live with the decisions you make, then they can say something. Until then, it's none of their goddamned business. Putting labels on things is stupid. They don't mean anything. You can't let a label define who you are. Fuck who you want, date who you want, love who you want. As long as it's me, I'm happy. Your mom is gonna find out sooner or later, it's inevitable. It's just one of those things that you have to deal with. But I'll be here. That day, when you come home sad and crying, I'll hold you all night, and I'll kiss you, and promise you everything will be okay. At the time, you won't believe me, but I'm telling you now, it will.
And as for sex...well I can show you a lot better than I can tell you."

Gerard's words made me feel better. They didn't magically fix everything like I had hoped, but they made it better.

"I love you, Gee." He buried his face in my hair.

"Mmm. Love you too, Frankie. And I like it when you call me Gee. Do ya think that's stupid?"

I giggled at him wanting reassurance from me.

"Naw. Not at all...Gerard?" Something else was nagging at my mind.

"What you said...about you know, how you can show me better than you can tell me...well...I want you to show me."

His eyes got kinda wide, and he stayed really quiet for a while.

"Frank, we haven't even been together for an hour." He said in a monotone.

"But I've loved you my whole life." That brought a smile to his face. His hand gently stroked my cheek. I leaned into his touch.

"Can I ask you something?" I simply nodded.

"Why do you want to do this now? We have time, I'm not going anywhere. So why now?"

I thought my answer over very carefully. "I wanna know what it's like for it to feel good. I don't know what it's like for it to not hurt, for it to not make me feel dirty and ashamed. That's all I know, and I kind of hope that maybe if somebody can make me feel good, I can forget all of the bad. And you're the only person in this world who I love and trust enough to do that with."

He smiled and kissed me on the lips. "I want this, but I'm so afraid you're gonna regret it. I want this to be something special, not something you're gonna regret."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, putting my mouth to his ear. "How bad do you want this? How certain are you that you won't regret it? Cause, that's how much I want this. That's how sure I am that I'm never going to regret this. I love you Gerard."

And without another word, he moved me off his lap, took my hand, and led me into the bedroom.

He kissed me slow and hard. The passion building with every passing second. "Tell me that you want this, Frankie. Make me believe it." He wasn't teasing me, he wasn't trying to make me beg. All he wanted was just what he was asking for. To be reassured.

"I love you, Gerard. I want this. I want you to kiss me and touch me and love me like I know only you can. Make me forget all the bad. Make me forget everything. I want to feel you inside me. I want you to make love to me, Gerard."

He had been staring at me the whole time, his eyes searching my face for any sign that I didn't want this.

"I'm gonna make this so good for you, Frankie. If you want me to stop, or if something hurts just say so. I want this to be good for you. I love you, Frankie."

He kissed me again, and wrapped his arms around me, making me feel safe. He backed us up to the bed, and pulled my hoodie over my head. All the sudden, he was staring wide-eyed and horror-struck at my arm.

"Did you do this?" He asked in disbelief. I was ashamed. There were scars all over my arm, I hadn't done it in years, but the scars were there to remind me. I had never told him, I don't know how I had managed to keep it from him, but I never told him about cutting myself.
It's how I dealt with what my father do to me, it felt good to be able to focus on a different kind of pain.

"Frankie...please don't ever do this again. You're too beautiful...too amazing to hurt yourself." It was overwhelming, the emotion that washed over me. I don't know how to describe it, but it felt really fucking good.

He kissed from my wrist all the way up my arm, over my shoulder, up my neck, until he finally got to my mouth. He kissed me again, and I melted into it. Loving him more right then than I had thought I was capable of.

"You're beautiful." He whispered against my lips.

He pulled his shirt over his head.

"Take off my pants."
My hands trembled as I fumbled with the zipper before pulling them down. "Keep going, baby." He whispered. I slipped my fingers under the waistband, pulling them down, and letting them fall to the floor. His hard dick sprang free, and my gaze lingered on it. Gerard noticed.

He took my hand in his, and wrapped it around his hard length, guiding my hand as we stroked his cock together. He moved his hand away, but I kept going, rubbing my thumb over his tip, smearing the pre cum that was leaking. He moaned, and bucked into my hand.

Curious, I brought my fingers to my mouth, licking off his sweet, salty taste. "Oh Fuuuck, Frankie." He drawled out the word while gently pushing me onto the bed.

"Lay down." He commanded, his tone gentle. I complied, and then he was hovering over me, hungrily kissing every inch of my exposed skin. It wasn't rushed and sloppy, but passionate and filled with burning need. He kissed his way down to my chest, stopping to take my nipple in his mouth. He gently took it between his teeth, and flicked it with his tongue. "Gerard." I moaned his name, my hands finding their way to play with his hair.

"Does that feel good, baby?" He looked up at me through lust filled eyes.

"Yesss." I hissed.

While his mouth continued it's work on my left nipple, he to the other on between his fingers, rolling it, making me moan again. Then he switched.

"God, Frankie. You're just so fucking sexy, the way you moan."
His voice was husky and his hazel eyes were turned up to ten on the intensity scale.
He kissed me shortly once again before moving down, and undoing the button and zipper on my jeans. He quickly pulled them off, along with my boxers.

I was so nervous, my heart erratically pounding in my chest. He crawled up my body, looking incredibly seductive. "Frankie." He purred in my ear, his body hovering over mine. "Can we do it like this...or do you want me to be behind you." The outer shell of my ear goose bumped under his tongue. "This is good." I mumbled, wishing I could slow my frantic heartbeat. He kissed my neck, murmuring against my tattooed skin, "Good. I want to be able to see your pretty little face when you cum for me." I whimpered, not sure I could wait for him anymore,

His fingers touched my lip. "Suck on my fingers." He slipped three in my mouth, and I commenced sucking. I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to suck anotherpart of him. But all to soon, his fingers were gone, evicting a disappointed moan from me.
Then there was something wet at my entrance, and then, holy hell, it was inside me. It felt...odd. Not unpleasant, but not all that great, either, just strange.

He waited a moment before he began moving the finger around, and then adding another. Now, I wasn't sure if it was pain or pleasure, but then he started scissoring them, and it felt slightly uncomfortable. Another finger was added, and I could start to feel a stretch. "You ready?" His quiet voice came from above me. My only response was a nod.

I felt is tip at my entrance, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He began to slowly push in, stopping when I gasped in pain. "I'm sorry, sugar." He whispered against my collarbone. "Just go." I whispered. He continued to slowly ease himself in.
How he thought his fingers were supposed to prepare me for this was beyond me. I was truly convinced I was being ripped apart from the inside out.

"Stop!" I gasped, Gerard immediately halted his movements. "What is it, baby? Do you want to stop?" His breathless and concerned voice came from above me. "Just hold on. It hurts." I whispered trying to hold back tears. But a few escaped the corners of my eyes anyways.
He kissed them away, then kissed my lips. "I promise it's gonna feel so good here in a minute, sugar. It'll be so worth it."

"Then go." I whispered, screwing my eyes shut as he eased the rest of way in. When I was finally filled, he stopped again for a moment, giving me time to adjust. I kissed every part of him I could reach, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He started thrusting, long, deep, slow thrusts that at first weren't any less painful. In the back of my mind, I wondered if it would stop hurting at all, but Gerard said he would, and I trusted him.

The more I adjusted to his dick inside me though, the less it hurt, until the pain was gone all together, replaced by pleasure. I moaned and writhed underneath him, clawing and scratching at his back. "Gerrarrrdd" I moaned. "Faster." I panted in his ear, suddenly not able to get enough of him. He picked up the pace of his thrusts, and angled his hips, hitting something that put me in a state of sheer bliss.

"Ungh...FUCK, GERARD...do- do that again." I pleaded.

He kept his hips angled, and hit that spot again dead on. "Ungh...fuck...it feels so good...uh...Gerard." I was nothing but a pleading, moaning, sweaty mess under him, and I'd never felt so good.

"It's called your prostate." He ground out. He began kissing and sucking and biting all over my neck and collarbone, sure to leave some marks. His thrusts were hard and fast, slamming that spot every time. I could hear his heavy breathing and his moans ringing in my ears.

"Ungh...fuck, sugar...you're so fucking tight. You feel so good." He picked up his speed even more, and I could feel something building inside me.

He bit down hard on my shoulder, then on my neck, and I moaned again in pleasure. "Gonna make sure everybody knows you're mine, Frankie." His voice was dark and taunting, it only pushed me closer to my orgasm.

"Gerard. I whimpered his name.

"Louder."

"Gerard!"

"Fucking scream it. Scream my name. I want everybody to know what I'm doing to you."

"GERARD!" I screamed as he slammed into me harder than before. I dug my short nails into his back, raking them down his sides, my back arched, and I came all over our chests, shuddering.

A few seconds later, and Gerard was coming too. I could feel him filling my ass with his hot cum. "Ungh SHIT Frankie...oh god...uh...I love you, baby. So fucking much. You're so good." He collapsed on top of me before pulling out.

"Gerard, oh fuck...I love you to." I said, trying to catch my breath and slow my erratic heartbeat.

He pulled me close to him, and I lazily kissed his neck. "Mmm...You're so pretty, Gee. I don't ever wanna let you go." I listened to his heartbeat, both of us coming down together.

"Nobody's ever said anything like that to me before." He whispered against my skin.

"Doesn't make it any less true." I replied, trying to get impossibly closer to him.

"But do you really mean it? You're not just saying it?"

I stroked his side, rubbing his back, just wanting to feel more of him.

"Of course, Gee. I'd never lie to you. You're so beautiful...and special." He kissed me again.

"I love you, Frankie." I smiled, totally content. "I love you too, I always have. Gerard?"

"Yeah?" He answered, sounding tired.

"I was wondering- I mean do you think- Could I maybe do that to you sometime?" I asked, felling nervous.

He tilted my head back so he could see my face, intently studying my features. "You wanna...take me? You want to be on top?" He sounded like he couldn't believe it.

"Yeah." Came my quiet reply.

"Frank...I don't...I mean I'm not...I don't know, Frankie. Was it not good enough? Was I not good enough? Or do you just not like...?" He trailed off.

I moved out of his arms, so I could sit up. I brushed his hair out of his eyes, then picked up his hand, playing with his fingers. "No...that's not it at all, Gee. It felt so good, and I just wanted to make you feel that good, too. And I-I want to be with you in every way. Not just some." He rubbed his hand up my side.

"But I mean, if you don't want to be with me like that, I'll understand. I really will. Just say so, and I won't bring it up anymore. And Gerard, I know I don't have as much...experience with you, and I've never done it before, but you could tell me what you liked. I would try to make it so good for you."

As stupid as it may sound, I started to feel rejected. I had let Gerard take me without a second thought, but he didn't seem to even want to try with me.

"Frank, look at me." I did. "It's not that I don't want you to, it's just that I haven't really done that much before. It scares me to give up control like that. But I trust you, and so...if you really want to, we will." I smiled, the feelings of being rejected fading fast.

"I don't want you to do it if you're not comfortable with it, Gee."

"I am, and I do want to. But only because I love you so much." He pulled me down next to him again, and wrapped me in his arms, making me feel safe.

"Thank you, Frankie." I looked up at him, confused.

"For what? What did I do?" He smiled, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

"I know it must have been really hard for you to let me do that, for you to trust somebody that much. I'm just happy you let it be me." I wrapped my arm around him, pulling him closer.

"It will always be you." I said quietly, feeling content. I could feel him smile against my neck.

"It will always be you for me, too."