FicWad

Brendon was pressed against the door to the elevator as soon as it closed, a pair of lips finding their way to Brendon's. Ryan smiled, his hands on the younger boys hips. It was the first time he had been genuinely happy since the last day he was with Brendon. Ryan ran his tongue against Brendon's bottom lip, the other boy giving a small moan when Ryan bit his lip, pulling at it ever so slightly. Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan's neck, tangling his fingers in soft chestnut hair. Ryan pulled their hips together, his tongue exploring Brendon's mouth.
The door opened, and both boys fell to the floor, Ryan falling onto Brendon who hit the floor with a thud.. They broke apart, laughing as they made their way to Pete's apartment. As soon as the two boys were inside they went to the bedroom, kicking off clothing as they went along. Shoes and socks were lost, belts being unbuckled as a vest was undone. Ryan pressed Brendon against the bed, pulling off his vest while Brendon unbuttoned Ryan's shirt.
"Door." Ryan groaned, getting off of Brendon as he walked over to slam the bedroom door closed. Ryan practically pounced back onto Brendon, the two smiling and laughing like old times. Hips against hips, lips against sweating skin, soft panting mixed with small moans. Brendon threw his head back as Ryan found his weak spot, kissing sucking and biting the spot to make the other boy moan as Ryan marked him as his own.
Brendon rolled them over, switching places so he was on top of Ryan. "I have this craving..." Ryan looked up at him, eyes glistening with lust.
"Craving?" Brendon smirked, kissing Ryan.
"Let me hold you, touch you, always. Kiss you, taste you, all night." A smile broke out across Ryan's face after hearing Brendon's words, a hand going behind the latters head to bring it down to his own. Ryan let go of Brendon's head, the younger boy letting his lips linger for just a few more seconds before going to Ryan's neck.
His nimble fingers started to work at Ryan's belt, tugging and pulling as he searched for the spot that would make his boy scream. It didn't take long, being a spot that Brendon had found so many times before. A scar right under his left ear, small and almost completely unnoticeable. Brendon pulled Ryan's pants down, letting his hand ghost over the tent in his boxers, his lips lingering over the scar ever so gently as he breathed on the skin. Ryan arched his back, making Brendon smirk. He pulled the older males boxers off, his lips pressing against Ryan's soft skin. The former let out a soft gasp, shuddering from Brendon's actions before letting out a moan. Brendon grasped Ryan's now hard member with his index finger and thumb, trailing the two fingers up the shaft slowly as his lips worked at the small scar, kissing it more and more fiercely with each passing second. Ryan let out a whimper, followed by a moan as he arched his back once more. Brendon used his free hand to trail his index finger along Ryan's back, muttering a simple "Relax" onto his skin as he let his fingers slide back down the formers swollen member.
Ryan gasped. "Fuck Brenny." He whimpered the words, making Brendon smirk.
"I'm gonna mark you as my own." He mumbled into Ryan's skin happily, grasping Ryan's member with his full hand as he ran his fingers along the older boys back once more. He started to suck and bite at the spot his lips had found, lapping over what was sure to be a hickey tomorrow with his tongue. Ryan was a moaning wreck beneath him, shaking with the younger boys every touch, his body telling him just how much he had missed Brendon. When Brendon had decided that he had made a mark on Ryan's skin he moved down, trailing kisses down the formers back as he let go of Ryan's swollen member so he could use both of his hands to toy with his nipples, turning them into rosy buds before his mouth reached Ryan's bellybutton. He slid his hands down Ryan's chest, allowing them to rest on the boys hips as he bent his head down to breath on the other boys member, making Ryan squirm under him.
"B, no teasing." Brendon glanced up at Ryan, giving a soft smile before allowing his lips to encase the head. Ryan moaned, one hand tangling in Brendon's hair as the other twisted in the sheets beneath him. Brendon moved his head down slowly, taking in the full length in his mouth before moving his head up once more, tongue against the skin as his teeth gently scraped the surface. He smirked against Ryan's flesh as the older boy started to sweat under him, loving the reaction he was getting.
To Brendon, Ryan was being extremely sensitive. Every little move - a hand running up his chest, fingers tracing the contours of his his side, when his lips tightened around his member ever so slightly- the younger boy made would result in a soft moan or whimper. Not that Brendon was at all disappointed in it; he was happy to be able to make his boy scream even after all the time they had spent away from each other.
Ryan tightened his grip on Brendon's locks, his fingers twisting in the soft brown hair he had grown to love. "Fuck Bren...Close." The stuttered words escaped Ryan's parted lips, his eyes screwed tightly closed as another breathy moan was let out. Brendon smirked, sucking harder and faster as Ryan started to scream his boys name along with a string of profanities. The younger male sucked the tip, running his tongue along it as he tried to swallow every drop of Ryan's.
Slowly, Brendon lifted his head, staring at the boy beneath him. The little light that streamed through the window made his skin seem to glow, his sweat shimmering as his chest heaved. It graced him with the colors of the city, the dark room being caste in shadow if it weren't for the little lines of red and blue. His long and shaggy hair was messier than the usual, his eyes half closed as he stared up at the ceiling. They seemed to be shining, glazed over with lust and bliss as the slightest of tear leaked out and rolled down his cheek. His perfect lips were parted, heavy breaths coming out as he loosened his grip on Brendon's hair before completely letting go.
He was stunning. Not that that was really saying anything; in Brendon's eyes he was always the essence of beauty. But every detail of the situation they were in seemed to make every detail all the more clear and perfect. In the moment, Brendon couldn't help but realize just how much he had missed his boy. He used to go, day after day, thinking that it wasn't that bad, that all the nightmares were the product of something else. Staring at Ryan, gave him the realization that he could never go on with Ryan without becoming a completely different person. He needed him more than grass needs sunlight.
A few tears ran down his cheek, falling onto Ryan's hot body. The older boy looked up, honey eyes meeting brown ones. Concern quickly filled Ryan's eyes as he sat up and hugged Brendon. "What's wrong doll?" Brendon was silent for a moment, a few more tears streaming down his cheek before a smile crossed his face and he buried his head in the crook of Ryan's neck, mumbling into the skin.
"I just missed you so much."
Ryan gave a sigh, pushing Brendon down on the bed. "I know love, just let me help you forget." Brendon smiled, letting his head fall onto the soft pillow, staring at Ryan as he started to take the younger boys shirt off. It didn't take long for Ryan to completely strip Brendon of the little clothes that remained on him, or at least, it wouldn't if Ryan hadn't constantly stopped to admire the way Brendon looked.
His head was tilted to the side, dark brown hair skewed on the pillow. His deep brown eyes were watching Ryan's ever move intensely, the orbs shining from the light that lit up the room. His pale skin hugged his ribs, making them more prominent than normal. He was biting his plump bottom lip, his white teeth sinking into the pale pink flesh. Ryan ran a hand gently along Brendon's chest, watching as every shallow breath made Brendons Adam's apple that hardly ever showed bob. His arms were above his head, his legs spread and ready.
Ryan licked his lips, trailing kisses along Brendon's lips until he reached the Adam's apple, quickly giving it a soft bite before sucking at it. Brendon gave a soft moan, his hips rising to meet Ryan's, the feeling making Ryan forget about what he was doing. He rubbed against Brendon, focusing completely on the feel of their sweating skin against each other. The two both let out soft moans as more pressure was added, Ryan letting his lips attach themselves to Brendon's neck so they could plant more kisses.
"Ryan,...please." Ryan opened his previously closed eyes at Brendon's breathy plea, the stuttered sound breaking him out of his trance and bringing him back to what he was doing. He sat up, looking around with a confused look on his face for a few seconds before looking down at Brendon.
"Do you know if he has any lube?" Brendon cracked a smile; while he wouldn't admit it to Ryan, he really didn't care if they had any or not. But Ryan always wanted to make sure they were both having a good time. He shrugged.
"Try the drawers." Brendon pointed at a bedside table complete with drawers and Ryan looked at it stupidly before reaching out to open the first one. He smiled, pulling out a bottle of strawberry lube and something Brendon couldn't see.
"Close your eyes." Brendon gave Ryan a skeptic look before following his command and letting his eyes close. There was the sound of a package opening, tempting Brendon to open his eyes and see what Ryan was up to. He got his answer a few moment's later when he felt cold metal hit his hard on. He opened his eyes to see Ryan sliding it down his shaft, tightening it around the base. It was freezing, giving an odd sensation against his warm skin. Brendon watched as Ryan opened the bottle of lube, spreading some on his fingers. It made the room smell like a combination of musk and strawberries, a smell that was all too common on nights like this for them. He placed them at Brendon's entrance, rubbing in small circles. Brendon was already moaning, the sounds escaping his lips practically begging Ryan to continue. "Ready?" Brendon gave a short nod and Ryan slowly pushed one in.
Brendon shuddered at the feeling, whimpering as Ryan started to pump it in and out slowly. After a few moments he put in another, starting a scissoring motion that made Brendon squirm. Ryan smirked, his free hand grasping Brendon's hard cock to slowly pump it in time with his fingers. Brendon became a wreck under him, moaning and whimpering with each thrust. Eventually it all got to be too much and he finally cried out, the silver ring stopping him from cumming early. "Ryan! Stop teasing me!" Ryan stopped, kissing Brendon gently.
"Why would I do that when you make such cute faces when I tease you?" Brendon gave a pout.
"Because I've been ready for five minutes." Ryan chuckled. He had forgotten just how childlike Brendon could be. He spread some of the strawberry lube on his own member, that was begging for attention, and positioned himself so he was adding the slightest amount of pressure to Brendon's entrance. Both of their swollen members were begging for them to keep going, Brendon's body shaking from the anticipation. Ryan started to move, pushing himself in. The motion was painfully slow for both of them, but neither said a word. They both wanted the night to last as long as possible, a secret that they both thought the other didn't know.
Brendon screwed his eyes shut, giving shallow breaths as Ryan finished pushing all the way inside of him. He didn't at all remember it being as painful as it was being right now, and just wanted it to hurry along to the more pleasurable stage. Ryan stared at Brendon's contorting face with a knowing look. He took the younger boys hard on in his hand, slowly moving it up and down to make the boy moan.
"God Bren, you're so tight." Ryan watched as Brendon opened one of his eyes ever so slightly. Ryan looked like he was in a completely blissful state, one that made it hard for him to resist pounding into Brendon on the spot.
As soon as Brendon started to relax Ryan started to move again, slowly pulling almost all the way out before pushing back in. Brendon braced himself, biting his lip as he gripped the sheets. Ryan had one hand on the mattress to keep him balanced, the other gripping the younger boys member as he slowly pumped in and out of him. Brendon was on the edge, the only thing that was stopping him from going over being the small silver ring that his veins pulsed against, begging for it to be loosened.
"Ah! Ry, right there." Brendon arched his back, Ryan hitting his prostate dead on. Ryan smirked, deciding it time to speed up his pace. His forehead fell to Brendon's sweat mixing with sweat as they moaned each others name.
Ryan raveled in the moment. The feel of Brendon's sweat against his own skin, the smell of musk and strawberries mixing in the air, the heat and pressure of Brendon around him, the sounds of the city outside the brick walls of the apartment mixing with their moans. It was pure perfection. Something he hadn't had in weeks. Actually, it was something he hadn't had since he had Brendon. With each passing second, though his mind becoming more and more fogged, it was becoming clearer that he had never lost Brendon, he had simply made the mistake of leaving. Brendon still loved him, something he knew just by hearing the sounds he had to offer, and he still loved Brendon.
He pushed and pulled, Brendon's hands moving to the older boys hips so he could dig his nails into the soft pale flesh, helping to move them faster. "Oh God, Ry, take that damned thing off!" Brendon had a hard time stuttering the words, his head burying into the sheets under him as he dug his nails deeper into Ryan's hips.
"Fuck Bren." Ryan gave out a breathy moan, the pleasure Brendon was feeling becoming practically unbearable. Ryan could feel himself becoming close,white dots spotting his vision as white hot pleasure started to cross over him. He slammed into Brendon one last time, quickly loosening the small silver ring so they could cum together. They both seemed to go into their own worlds together, the two knowing the pleasure the other was feeling which made it all the better. Brendon screamed, Ryan groaning and cursing while his sticky liquid filled Brendon, the younger boy's covering their chests.
Ryan came down from his orgasm first, collapsing on top of the still screaming boy. Brendon seemed to be completely drained as soon as he came down, his chest heaving as he tried to regain his breath. It had to have been the best he ever had. Ryan smiled as he stared into Brendon's still glazed over eyes, staring into the deep chocolaty orbs that he loved more than words could ever express.
Ryan gently put his hand on Brendon's cheek, turning his head so they were staring at each other. A smile quickly spread across Brendon's face, his arms wrapping around Ryan's neck. The older boy leaned in for a soft kiss, their lips hardly touching. They would be lying if they said it was just a kiss. To them, it was everything they were; who they had been, where they had been, what they had gone through, who they were in that moment, and what was sure to come in the future. Ryan broke the kiss, pulling out of Brendon before rolling over to stay right by Brendon.
"I love you." Brendon whispered, lacing his fingers into Ryan's. They both smiled at each other, their chests together as they stayed as close as humanly possible. Ryan loved it; being in Brendon's arms, feeling the heart that only beat for him pound. He could only hope that his mind wasn't just being fuzzy from the pleasure and substances that coursed through his veins, and that he wouldn't regret everything he had done in the morning.
"I love you too, and don't you ever forget it." Ryan gave Brendon another kiss, short and sweet. He never wanted the moment to end.
Neither of them did.

Ryan was the first to wake in the morning, his eyes opening to see Brendon sleeping with a smile on his face. Ryan grinned, running his hand through Brendon's soft dark brown hair. And then the sudden realization hit him, and his smile quickly faded, his stomach churning with guilt and remorse. He picked Brendon's arm up, moving it off of his hip. He got off of the bed, grabbing his clothing before rushing to the washroom.
He quickly vomited, his stomach making him heave everything he had in him. Brendon wasn't supposed to be there. No one he knew was supposed to be there. He was supposed to blend in until someone he owed money found him and beat him up. Like every night. Ryan closed his eyes, his elbows resting on the porcelain sink as he rested his head on his hands, running them through his hair. None of what happened should have happened, and now they were both bound to be more hurt than they would have been if they had just fought instead of making up.
He gave a shaky breath, quickly standing upright. He quickly through on some clothing, walking out of the washroom and making his way to the door. There was no way he was going to catch sight of Brendon, not again. He knew the moment he saw Brendon he wouldn't be able to leave, and that was something he knew he had to do. For both of them.
Crossing the living room to the door of the apartment he saw Pete, siting on the floor in front of the couch, facing the TV. But the TV wasn't on. In fact, he wasn't looking at it, he was looking above it. On top of the TV rested a small picture, no bigger than the size of a normal print. The frame was a simple black rectangle, and as Ryan stared at Pete, he knew that it wasn't the picture itself, but the memories that were held inside of it. In that small black picture frame was the small picture of him and his ex-band members, all smiling and laughing. Pete stared at it with a slight detachment, like he couldn't comprehend what it meant. His eyes were glazed over, the slightest of tear threatening to fall and roll down his cheek.
Ryan dared speaking to the broken man on the floor. "Pete?" his voice was hardly a whisper, the sound showing that he didn't want to wake the boy who slept just a few rooms over. Pete turned his head slowly, looking up at Ryan with a dead expression. Ryan remembered what he had done, why Pete would never forgive him, how he had screwed up as a friend; and he hung his head in shame, knowing that nothing he could say or do would fix the things he had broken in the past. It was times like these that Ryan tried to comprehend why he was still alive.He swallowed, gripping the handle on the door as another tear streamed down the detached Pete's face. "Bye." Ryan gave a small wave, opening the door before walking out, leaving his whispered words to hang in the air.
It took five minutes for Pete to respond "Bye Ryan." He turned his head back to the picture, curling into himself as the room encased him in bad memories.

Brendon awoke from the best sleep he had had in ages, opening his eyes slowly with a smile on his face. He closed his eyes, rolling over while muttering a soft and content 'Ryan.' When he opened his eyes, he was shocked to find that the bed was completely empty. He shrugged, deciding that the older boy had just gone to make breakfast. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, sliding on a little clothing before slipping into the washroom with a yawn.
When he was washing his face he dared a glance in the mirror, hie eyes automatically looking at their mirrored replicas. They looked happy. In fact, he seemed to be glowing. He gave himself a smile, slicking his hair back with a little water in an attempt to tame it. Soon after he left the room, knowing that he would always feel at his best with Ryan by his side.
He walked into the living room, glancing at the kitchen. It was empty. He looked around, spotting Pete on the floor. His palms started to sweat, the thought that Ryan had left him starting to nag him in the back of his mind. Pete hadn't moved much since the last boy was in the room with him, the only difference being that now he sat with a photo album on his lap. His head was down, the hood to his jacket and his hair blocking his face from Brendon's view. But he knew that whatever expression Pete held wouldn't be a good one. There was this certain...regret that clung to the air surrounding Pete, and Brendon could tell.
Still, he advanced towards the older boy, standing awkwardly next to him as Pete seemed to stay unaware of anything but the book he was sitting on the floor with. Brendon cleared his throat. "Pete, do you know where Ryan is?" Pete almost seemed to freeze at Brendon's words. The small rise and fall of his back completely vanishing.
"Get out." The words were filled with venom, quite and hateful. Brendon wondered if he had even heard them correctly.
"What?" Pete snapped his head up, glaring at the younger boy before practically screaming.
"I said get the fuck out!" Brendon stared at Pete, noticing the tears that were running down his face. He took one last quick glance at the book Pete had on his lap, actually taking the time to absorb the pictures. They were all of him and Patrick. Both always having a large smile on their faces. Brendon nodded his head, quickly walking out the door before slamming the heavy wood closed.
He could feel himself shaking, his eyes tearing up. He blamed it on the cold weather as he found a small hotel that he could stay in for a night.

As soon as he had gotten into his room he called Spencer. At this point in time, Brendon was a crying wreck. He sobbed into the phone, waiting for his best friend to pick up. He figured that if anyone would know what to do, that it would be Spencer.
"Hello?" Brendon closed his eyes, practically seeing Spencer smiling on the other end, a soft laugh coming from behind him. Brendon resisted the urge to break down even more as he heard the sound of Jon's laughter behind Spencer's giggling.
"Spence?" A whispered 'Shut up Jon' from the other end.
"What's wrong Brenny? Have you been crying?" Brendon broke down, sobbing into the phone.
"He left me Spencer. I don't know what to do. I- I was at Pete's and then he left and then I was kicked out and I just want him back." Brendon was sure that what he had said made zero sense, and that Spencer had probably only made out a few of the strangled words.
Spencer paused. "Where are you B?" Brendon calmed himself down before speaking.
"Some hotel in Chicago." A sigh of relief from Spencer's end.
"Which one?" Brendon picked up a small pen that was on the nightstand, reading off the hotel name before muttering his room number into the phone. "Okay, we'll be there in a few minutes." The line went dead.
Brendon stared at the phone for a few minutes before hitting the off button and letting it fall down to the carpeted ground of the hotel room. Dirty floors and dusty counters were all unnoticed as he made his way to the mirror in the washroom. He stared at it, unable to see the happy man that he had found when he woke up that morning. Just dead glazed over eyes on a splotchy face still covered in tears. The mirror reminded him of Pete, the way he had looked disconnected from the rest of the world, almost like he was doing something without knowing he was doing it. That dead look on his face, a mix of regret and hatred. With all the sadness of someone who lost not only their best friend, but their mate.
The mirror told him all of this, and all he could do was stand back, pulling at his hair as he listened to the dreadful words that he hated to hear. He knew they were right, no matter how hard he wanted to believe they were wrong. He snapped, giving one last glance in the mirror to see a broken man with no hopes or chances. All of them vanishing with the only person that would ever truly matter to him. He turned one of his hands into a fist, slamming it into the reflective surface. It shattered, the glass falling onto the marble sink and the tiled floor. He gave a shaky breath, swallowing back tears.
There was a soft knock on the door and Brendon answered it. He had stopped crying, and when Spencer saw his face he could tell that he was on the verge of not caring. Sympathetic baby blues watched as a broken Brendon sat on the couch in the hotel room. Spencer walked into the room, sitting right next to Brendon as Jon followed behind, sitting across from the two close friends.
"What happened B?" Jon asked slowly as he stared at Spencer hugging his younger friend.
"I saw Ryan last night." Brendon mumbled.
Spencer ran a hand through Brendon's hair. "What did he do?" Brendon looked up at Spencer, their eyes locked.
"We had sex." Spencer hugged Brendon as tightly as he could without hurting the younger boy. All the jumbled words he had spoken over the phone made sense, and he was able to tell where Brendon was going with it.
"You can't trust him B, we've both told you that a million times. Who knows what he's doing right now. He's probably giving someone a blowjob in some ally so he can get his next fix." Brendon and Spencer stared at Jon, who sighed. "That's all he cares about now. It's like the rest of the world doesn't exist."
"You're talking about your best friend." Brendon said it quietly, Jon shaking his head.
"Ryan doesn't have any friends anymore." They all went silent. A minute went by until Spencer broke the silence that they had all been sitting in uncomfortably.
"I'm sorry Brenny. You deserve better."
An hour passed, the three boys chatting. It was mainly Spencer and Jon discussing all the things Ryan had done to ruin the lives of those closest to him, and how they were better off not being with him, but Brendon didn't believe any of it. How can you be better off without the person that you love the most? Eventually Jon and Spencer left, leaving Brendon alone to think and grieve. He was on the bed, sitting above the covers as he stared at the ceiling.
What was a life without Ryan? Without someone to hold, and kiss? To touch and taste. To laugh at and with, just because. A life without Ryan was nothing but heavy space. Because when Brendon was with Ryan, he felt weightless. There was a sense of purpose and meaning that he got whenever he was close to Ryan. An unmentioned faith that one day he would come back and apologize. But as he thought of this, he realized that Ryan had done that; and he still had manged to screw it up a second time. Brendon sighed. A life without Ryan would never be the same as a life with him. Because a life without Ryan is a life without love.
It was there, on dirty hotel sheets, staring at the water stained ceiling of a room he had never been in before, that Brendon vowed to never love again.