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Our apartment felt more daunting than before. Maybe it was because of what was on my mind. Brendon didn't really seem to notice as he strolled inside casually. I bit my lip and watched him apprehensively. How do I broach this subject?

"You hungry?" Brendon asked, going to the kitchen immediately. I slowly followed him, playing with my fingers nervously.

"I uh, no." I said softly.

Brendon turned and stared at me. "Are you feeling okay?" He asked, concerned. "You suddenly look a lot paler." He noted.

"I..." I licked my lips, at a loss for words. "I think I'm going to take a hot shower. That should make me feel better." I told him, forcing a smile to try and ease his worries.

Brendon nodded, "Well I'm going to make us a few sandwiches so that we can eat when you're done."

I didn't think I'd be able to eat. No, I wouldn't be able to eat. I was now absolutely sure of that. The words hadn't even left my lips and I felt foolish. How could I tell Brendon what I wanted? I couldn't. I wouldn't. But I needed to.

My legs shook as I walked the short distance to our bedroom so that I could get some clean clothes out. Each step seemed to take a great deal of energy and once I reached our bedroom I collapsed on our bed, groaning in to the bed.

After staring blankly at the ceiling for a few minutes I finally found the motivation to get up and go to the bathroom, completely forgetting my quest for clothing.

I turned on the shower so that the water would have time to warm and as I started to strip down I stared out the open door, kind of hoping for Brendon to wander in.

The water was scolding hot. I enjoyed it greatly as I let it run over my body. I thought of the time when I'd had the guts to attempt to try something with Brendon... He shot me down. Could I handle that again? I ran my fingers through my wet hair and sighed discontentedly. I wanted Brendon. I didn't want to wait until we were married because I honestly didn't know when that would be. I didn't know if I wanted to be married immediately. I wanted to be with him in a way that sex could provide. I wanted it now. I felt... ready.

I got lost in thought when I realized the water was turning cold. I hadn't even washed my hair or body yet! Had I spaced out for that long? I quickly started rubbing conditioner in to my hair, skipping shampoo and while the water rinsed my hair I started washing my body quickly, hating the cold water.

I wrapped the towel around my body tightly, shivering. The good thing about showers was warmth... Why had I spaced so much? I had ruined the entire thing. Plus I hadn't decided how to approach the subject of sex with Brendon...

Did it have to be this hard?

I decided that I wanted to be comfortable in my state of unease so instead of intelligently choosing clothing that would make me more appealing to Brendon... I stole a pair of his boxers and grabbed one of his t-shirts. I was craving him and since I couldn't form words to make the request to have sex with him... I decided stealing his clothing would have to work for now.

From the delicious smell making it's way to my nose I could tell that Brendon had decided against sandwiches and as I followed the smell to the kitchen my stomach started grumbling. Evidently I was hungry.

I sat down at the kitchen table, drawing Brendon's attention. "Hello beautiful!" He said, happily. "I've decided upon spagetti. The garlic bread is almost done." Fucking delicious. I loved spagetti with garlic bread.

"Yum. Thank you." I said, smiling back at him.

Brendon came over to the table and sat next to me, "So want to watch a movie with me tonight?" He asked, stretching.

"What movie?"

"You get to pick." Brendon said, a timer going off which pulled him from the table. I watched as he went to get the garlic bread from the oven.

"Alice in Wonderland." I said, smiling as the delicious smell of garlic bread met my nose with a more intense wave of yumminess. I'd been meaning to watch that. Lisa told me it was amazing and we used to watch it continuously while doing homework. I couldn't remember it but I was excited to re-watch it... for the first time.

"Decent choice." Brendon said, making a plate.

I went to stand up but he immediately held his hand up. "No! Sit. I'm going to pamper you tonight. Stay. I'm making your plate." What a fucking sweetheart.

"Thanks Brendon." I said, sitting back down instantly.

Soon enough a plate was placed in front of me and I started eating, finding myself ridiculously hungry. "Drink?" Brendon asked.

"Dr Pepper please." I asked, trying not to talk with my mouth full.

A Dr. pepper was placed in front of me and soon enough Brendon was beside me, eating. We ate in silence for quite a few minutes before Brendon spoke. "I'm totally embarrassing you at your graduation." Dick.

"How?" I asked, not even sure that would be possible.

"Jon and I are going to dress up as Batman and Robin. Ryan's giving some sort of heartwarming speech for you and well... Spencer was going to be normal for the night." Brendon stated, grinning.

I blushed. "Uh well, that might be hard for Spencer." I joked. "Ryan's a sweetheart and I'll probably love any speech that he decides to make... although it's not really the time to give speeches unless you're graduating so I'm not sure why he would. It's not like it's our wedding or something. As for you and Jon... I'm claiming to not be associated with either of you."

"I'm going to have a giant sign that says 'Future husband of Kacy Benton'." Brendon said, enjoying tormenting me.

I just rolled my eyes. "I'm pretty sure such distractions will be thrown out. I'll be laughing at all of you while I enjoy my very normal graduation ceremony. What if I embarrass you?"

"How on earth could you embarrass me?" Brendon asked, sounding extremely doubtful at the mere idea.

I bit my lip. "I have my ways." I told him, mysteriously.

Brendon smiled. "I'm sure you do."



*

I was still cleaning the kitchen while Brendon was in our bedroom, searching for Alice in Wonderland. He was absolutely sure that he owned it... but he couldn't find it.

Finally he popped out, "Got it!" He informed me. "Need help?"

"Nope. Almost done." I told him, washing the rest of the dishes as he stared at me.

"I don't think I told you but... You look hot in my clothes." Brendon said, smirking. "Not as hot as me though..." He joked.

I laughed, "Of course not."

Once I was done I followed Brendon in to our bedroom and crawled in to bed while he messed with the dvd player. The blankets were warm and I cuddled underneath them, waiting for Brendon.

Brendon crawled in to bed soon enough, pulling me against him. "I don't think I ever want to not do this." He muttered.

"I agree." I told him, cuddling closer.

Brendon lightly kissed my neck, nibbling on my ear. I focused on the television for as long as I could but it wasn't very long and as he went back to lightly kissing my neck I felt myself move closer to him, wanting more.

But... he suddenly stopped.

"Kacy?" He sounded so concerned.

"Yeah?" I whispered, wanting more.

"Is this too much?" Did he really think that? Idiot. I want more!

"No!" I immediately objected. "Please keep going Brendon... Please." I begged.

"Okay." Brendon smiled, "But tell me when to stop? I- I don't know if I'll be able to just stop myself so... you're gonna have to be vocal, k?" He sounded hesitant.

"Okay." I agreed, not sure if I would stop him.

Brendon continued gently kissing my neck, pushing some of the blanket from our bodies as he moved lower, pushing me on to my back.

Brendon began pulling my shirt up and I tensed, causing him to stop. "Too much?" he asked.

I blushed and shook my head, "No... I just, I didn't put on a bra." I admitted, embarrassed.

Brendon smiled. "Sexy. If you aren't comfortable this can stay on though." He assured me.

I shook my head and sat up, pulling the shirt off quickly. Brendon's eyes roamed over my upper body, landing on my breasts. He smiled. I smiled back, wanting more of his touch. "Please... don't stop. I'll tell you if I need you to stop." I told him. He was being so sweet but... I wanted him.

Brendon nodded and cupped one of my breasts with his hand, gently massaging it. With his other hand he began slowly twisting and tugging at one of my nipples. The sensations were nice, sending a jolt through my body that seemed to land me with a spreading wetness.

Brendon's fingers grazed against my sensitive nipple as he pulled away and I watched him, longing for more. I didn't trust my voice however so I decided remaining quiet was the best thing to do. Brendon paused for a moment to pull his shirt off and I found myself staring in amazement at his chest. He was so toned, slightly muscular... He was dreamy.

Then Brendon leaned down and I closed my eyes to savor the moment as he laid soft kisses at the bottom of my stomach, tugging on the boxers I was wearing. Soon enough they were off and I was incredibly nervous. I was afraid I would smell strange, that I had missed some hair when shaving... I should have taken a more detailed shower earlier. How was I to know that this would go so well?

I felt Brendon's fingers brushing against my cheek, pushing my hair away from my face and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me. He looked confused. Wasn't I the one confused? "Is this okay?" He asked softly.

This was okay. This was what people did. They made love when in love, right? This felt right to me. I wanted him, so badly. "Yes." I assured him, wanting him to feel comfortable doing this with me. He couldn't ask if I was okay every five seconds. That would be redundant.

Brendon smiled in a confident way and nodded as if reading my mind, "Remember... I'll stop anytime you want." He assured me.

I couldn't help but smile at the remark. He was so gentle. Anything about the other night had been wiped from my mind. This was the Brendon I loved and the one that I was going to marry. As his lips pressed down upon mine I closed my eyes once again, falling in love with the feeling of being with him.



*

(A/N: I split this up for the people that do NOT want to read smut. The above basically hints at sexual relations occuring so if you do not want to read anything dirty in this story then stop here please. :) As for everyone that is okay with or wants smut... Read on.)



**

The way Brendon's soft hands moved along my stomach felt amazing. I was in love with the sensation. I never wanted him to stop touching me so imagine my disappointment when his hands retreated, leaving my skin lonely. I peaked, opening my eyes a bit. Brendon was standing at the end of the bed, undressing the rest of the way. I watched him, grinning. As he started turning back towards me I closed my eyes once again, finding it more sensual to have my eyes closed. I loved the thrill of his touch against my body, surprise just made it that much better.

"Uh babe? Problem." Brendon muttered, cheeks heating in embarrassment.

I opened my eyes and sat up, wondering what was wrong. Brendon was standing next to me and I took a quick look, adoring his body. "Whats the problem?" I asked, nervously. Was he going to shoot me down again?

"I don't have a rubber." Brendon muttered, seeming annoyed with himself. "I just- I didn't think... and we- ugh, damn it."

"Oh." I said, disappointed as well. "We could-" But I stopped. A trip to the store seemed as if it would ruin the entire moment.

"I'm sorry." Brendon whispered, sitting on the bed next to me.

His erection was quite noticable. Awesome, I'd gotten him horny just to let him down.

"Me too." I whispered back, trying to be as quiet as possible for absolutely no reason. It just felt like a quiet moment. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against Brendon's. I still had the urge to be as close to him as possible. I wanted him. I wanted tonight to be the night that I gave myself to him.

Brendon pulled away, "Kacy, I do-" I cut him off by leaning against him again, pressing my lips to his. I brushed my fingers through his hair, enjoying the moment. We had talked enough. We had felt enough. I wanted to physically feel him now. Nothing was going to ruin tonight for me.

"Pills." I said, laying back against the bed, pulling Brendon with me. I figured I could get a morning after pill or something. I had no idea how exactly it worked but I knew it was for the morning after and prevented pregnancy. That was enough knowledge right there. I wanted Brendon now.

Brendon's face lit up as he thought I had meant that I was on birth control, "Oh really? Wow. Okay." He said, confident once again.

I smiled and kept hold of Brendon's arm, pulling him closer to me. Brendon took the hint and quickly started to make progress once again, cupping my breasts in his hands as he kissed me passionately. I felt his tongue beg for entrance and I allowed it, wondering what it would feel like to finally be with him. I didn't have to wait long to find out. He looked in a rush to get to the main event. "I've waited so fucking long for this." Brendon muttered, brushing his fingers against my pussy lips. They were moist with excitement. I was glad that my body knew how to react because I had no fucking idea as to what I was supposed to do. I just fucking laid there.

As Brendon's finger gently pressed against my entrance I sighed and tried to relax. It was just a finger. He was gently pressing and brushing against my pussy, not quite entering. "You're quite wet." Brendon informed me, as if I didn't know this. "Would you still like me to use lube?"

I shook my head, "Uh, not if you don't need it."

Brendon smiled, "It's up to you. Tell me if you need me to break it out." He looked at such ease. I had the fleeting wish that I was in his position. At least he wasn't getting anything shoved inside of him. I mean, I wanted to have sex with him but honestly... men had it so easy.

"Just touch me." I begged, wanting more.

Brendon grinned and ran his fingers over my sensitive, hard nipples. I moaned, his other hand working at my pussy. He was rubbing my clit, sending shocks of pleasure through my body. I squirmed, unused to the feelings of pleasure the contact caused.

"I'd love to tease you for hours." Brendon told me, "But I've wanted you for so long... I don't think I can last much longer." I just nodded. I needed him just as badly as he needed me.

Brendon lined his cock up with the entrance to my pussy and I waited, breathing deeply. Brendon smiled at me and gently started pushing forward, his left hand still caressing my breast. I was grateful for the pleasure his attention to my breast was generating because once his cock started pushing in to me I felt like I would split open for a minute. It was an intense amount of pressure and well, if I'd had any thought that Brendon and I had slept together before my memory loss it had now all been wiped away. "Fuck." Brendon whispered, pushing harder. Suddenly his entire cock slipped inside of me and I moaned out, unsure if it was due to the pleasure or pain of the situation. It felt good but... it still felt unnatural to feel so stretched.

After a few seconds of silent agony I realized Brendon hadn't moved. I turned my attention to him and saw that he was staring at me, still gently brushing his fingertips against my nipple absentmindedly. "It hurts." He stated, sounding sad.

I shook my head, biting my lip. "I want you. Tonight I want you."

Brendon shook his head, "Another time." This really was not the time. His cock was buried inside of me. We had gone a little far to just turn back and decide to do it another day...

As Brendon leaned over me I grabbed hold of his head and pulled his lips to meet mine. Our lips brushed against each other but I didn't kiss him, "Fuck me." I demanded, feeling a little foolish. It felt right though. This all felt right. Brendon needed to stop treating me as if I were about to break. I wasn't breakable. In that moment I didn't feel breakable... I felt more like myself than I had in awhile...

Brendon grinned, "Anything for you Kacy." And then I felt him slipping out of me, just to be brought back in with force. I moaned at the intrusion. As Brendon began a steady pace the only sound in the room was our mutual moans. We weren't loud but we weren't quiet. Everything felt perfect. I started to feel a warmth spread through my body as Brendon slammed in to me once again, moaning a little louder.

Brendon's body remained close to mine as he exploded in pleasure, running his fingers through my hair. "That was..." He struggled to find the words.

"A little embarrassing." I finished off, laughing.

Brendon laughed as well, pulling out of me. "A little." He admitted, collapsing on to the bed next to me. "But what's new for us?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Well... first's aren't our thing evidently. Next time will be better." I assured him, hoping for it to be.

"This entire night has just made me love you more." Brendon said, grinning.

I grinned as well, finding truth in that statement for me as well. Brendon seemed to love me despite the embarrassing setbacks we continued to struggle through. So I was a virgin and so I kind of sucked at sex the first time. We argued a tiny bit. It was still hot. Well, for me it was. It just made me want him more and as he pulled me against his slightly damp chest I could tell that he still wanted me and ...

Well, that was kind of a big deal.





*

(Yay! I got over the difficult bump of this story... I think. I hope it didn't turn out too bad. I still have to edit a little. I'll be checking for more errors later. I wanted to get this out though to see if I get any feedback... What'd you guys think? I tried my hardest, I promise. (: Thanks for reading!)