FicWad

Billie
“I’ve got a really bad disease…it’s got me begging on my hands and knees…and…fuck…” I murmured to myself. I was sitting on the couch in the front of the bus, notepad on my lap and my pen tapping anxiously against my lips. The bus had been at a stop for about four or so hours and almost everyone had bailed to go to a bar, eagerly suggested by Tré. My feisty drummer was always up for drinks, especially with the close friends of ours. Frankie, of course, immediately followed up Tré’s offer to go party, especially first completed show on the tour. Gerard and I had stayed back, me having a new idea for a song, and Gee saying he was tired.

It was the American Revenge Tour, as Gerard had put it, well, drawn it. He had drawn the posters and flyers for the three month tour and came up with the idea for the name. I immediately thought it was fantastic. He’s a genius, an artful genius at that. I worried about him sometimes though, he seemed to grow distant occasionally and sink into a caccoon that few knew how to get him out of. His personality would often change, one day he’d be sweet and calm, the next he’d be a loaded gun, just waiting to be set off. He’d often be drunk and stumbling over his own feet and we were all beginning to worry for his sanity.

I set my pen and notepad down, adjusting my position on the couch to where I was laying down, my arms behind my head and my feet propped up on the arm of the sofa. I listened to the sounds of the tour bus, the sounds I’ve become so familiar with over the years. The gentle woosh of the cool air from the air conditioning system and-

“uh…uh…ah…”A moaning Gerard? I listened closer, wondering if I was hearing things, sure enough a few seconds later, the noises were repeated.
“Uhh..mmnn…ah…” He was obviously trying to stay quiet, secretly hoping I wouldn’t hear, but hearing your band mates jack off is a sound you become accustomed too. I slowly got off the couch and walked back towards the raven haired man’s bunk. “Buh...mmnn…ah!” His curtain was closed, but I could picture everything going on between that thin sheet and had to try to contain my giggles.

“You alright in there Gerard?” I heard him scramble slightly and his embarrassed voice.

“Huh? Oh..uh…ye-yeah. I-I’m fine.” The man stammered out and I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t be embarrassed man, it’s a noise you become use to on the road…moans and gasps…whimpers and-“ It was mean, but I wanted to have my fun.

“I get it!” Gerard shouted, pulling back the curtain, expecting me to be further away than I was. Our faces were mere centimeters apart and I raised my eyebrow at his flushed features.

“You sure?” I mock, making my voice seductive. He swallowed and nodded, and I pulled away, glancing around his bunk. There were white crumpled tissues scattered all over the black and red sheets and I laughed. “Geez dude, aren’t you sore?” I joke, nudging him. He blushes and attempts to fix his raven’s nest of hair. I turned and began to walk to the front of the bus, Gee hopping out of his bunk and tripping, nearly landing on me. “Oh, hi there.” I say and he sticks his tongue out at me, steadying himself.

“What time is it?” He stammers out awkwardly and I roll my eyes. His footsteps were close behind mine as I made my way to the front of the bus, eager to get some type of drink.

“About midnight, the guys should be back soon.” I reply, turning around and getting really close to his face, almost as if I’m about to kiss him. “But we still have time to ourselves…” I wink, lowering my voice once again.

“Wh…What?” His hazel eyes look nervous and I break out in laughter, turning back around to the coffee pot and pouring myself and Gerard a cup of coffee.

“Calm down, Dude, I’m just kidding. But seriously, for future reference, you might want to be a little quieter because we both know how much shit Frankie would give you.” He nods and I smirk, watching him drink the dark brown substance.

“I’m just gonna…go take a shower.” I nodded and watched as he turned around, studying him. He’s strange. I shake my head and return to my pen and paper, eyes scanning over the lyrics staring back at me. The shower turns on, but I barely acknowledge it.

I‘m a victim of my symptoms, I am my own worst enemy
know your enemy

I kept adding more lines and scratching them out, seemingly unable to put the words floating around in my mind down on paper. I pick up one of my guitars and strum it a few times, playing the melody I have playing in my head. I must’ve been playing for a while because I look up when the shower stopped.

“Billie?” My eyes landed on a shirtless Gerard, a towel around his waist and his slightly toned chest dripping wet. I couldn’t help but stare at how incredible he looked right now, and found myself extremely attracted to him. “Wanna look away so I can get some clothes on?” Billie shook his head and looked away.

“Does it really matter? We’re all dudes here.” I reply, licking my suddenly chapped lips and looking away, but my eyes were quickly drawn back. His eyes met mine and he raised an eyebrow.

“Havin’ fun there, Billie?” I cleared my throat and made up a quick excuse while he was waiting for a reply.

“What’s on your back? Oh shit! Frank did draw on you while you were asleep!” I laugh, walking over to him.

“What? Where?!” My hands find his shoulders and I turn him around, immediately spotting the awkwardly drawn dog on his back. His skin was warm to the touch and I began to blush. I poke the dog and giggle.

“He…He drew a dog!” I jump away from him when the door suddenly opens and six men come running in.

“Heyyy guysss!” Tré slurred out, arm around Ray’s shoulders. They were all wasted and laughing and Frank began shouting.

“What were you guyssss doin’ while…while we was gone?” He hiccupped and stumbled over to Gerard. Billie blushed and walked back to his pen and paper, looking down.

“I think they…they were gettin’ it on!” Gerard’s brother shouts, my best friend holding up the drunk 20 something year old. I exchanged glances with the blue eyed man and he raised his eyebrow in a silent question. ‘Were you guys fucking?’ I shake my head no and glance over at Gerard who was blushing furiously.

“You wish, Mikey.” Gee laughs, trying to cover up the awkward situation. Suddenly, it seems like everyone is yelling over each other, discussing everything Gerard and I weren’t doing.

“Heyoh!” Why I chose to do that of all things, I have no idea, but everyone turned to me and mimicked me, than proceeded to shut up. “Get some sleep guys. We do have a show tomorrow and you fuckers can’t be hungover all day. Take your drunkies back to your bus!” I teased the younger band and Bob threw me a sarcastic glare. I smiled at him, then turned to Tré. “In bed, buddy.”
We all said our goodnights, and climbed into our respective bunks, Mike and Tré passing out quickly.

As much as I tried to sleep, I couldn’t. I was plagued by thoughts about Gerard. Was I actually attracted to him? The raven haired, hazel eyes, drug addict, alcoholic? No. Yeah, I’m bisexual, but I don’t like him. I won’t let myself. I can’t be in a relationship with an addict, it wouldn’t work and both of us get hurt in the end.
The bus made a gentle turn and I looked out the tiny window in my bunk. The moon was shining brightly in the sky, surrounded by stars. We were on a wooded path, seemingly high up in the mountains and away from anybody. That thought always terrified me, so I forced myself to think of something else once more.

I thought of the song I was working on tonight. Restless Heart Syndrome. I snorted, I loved it, but it sucked at the same time. I wonder what the fans would think? I wonder what Gerard would think. Why do I want his opinion all of a sudden instead of my own bandmates? And why the hell was I randomly so attracted to him?

Eventually deciding it was because I’m a sexually deprived horny midget, I turned over and
forced myself to go to sleep.