FicWad

/He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes,
Started making has way past.
2 in the morning, he hasn't been sober for days./


I awoke with a dull throbbing in my head. I fucking hate hangovers. I got up off the cold bathroom floor and stumbled into the kitchen, in search for some pain killers, Xanax, anything. I squinted to look at the clock. 2:00am ... That explains why its so dark.

I flipped on the light switch, and blinked a few times. Light is another thing I hate. I searched through the presses. I had barely any food, there were empty bottles in scattered around the room. I realy should clean this up. I hummed when I saw the little Xanax bottle on the counter. I took 3 or 4 and swallowed them with a mouthfull of vodka. It burned my throat, but I couldn't care less.


/Leaving now into the breeze,
Remembering Sunday he falls to his knees,
They had breakfast together,
But 2eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs./


I grabbed my tattered, worn, old leather jacket and struggled to put on my docs. I grabbed my keys, opened the front door of my house and locked it behind me. The fresh autumn breeze reminded me of what the outside world smelled like, rather than the old coffee/cigarette/vodka smell of my house. I would still be locked inside like a hermit, if only I had some food. I haven't eaten in days.

I walked down the street, towards the nearest Starbucks. Coffee is my top-priority for now. I ordered just a plain black coffee to go. While waiting for my coffee I looked around the almost deserted coffee shop.

It was empty, apart from a young couple having coffee after a movie date. The girl giggled and gazed adoringly at the guy as he brushed her long brown hair behind her ear with a loving smile. It made me feel sick. I should have stayed in and starved to death. I felt my eyes begin to sting from the tears which were begging to fall. I grabbed my coffee and left the shop.

I trudged down the street, sipping on my coffee. It was bitter from the lack of sugar. It tasted terrible (for a coffee) but I didn't care about the taste, I only needed the caffeine to wake me up. A good cup of coffee would only make me think of her.

A single tear streamed down my cheek. I don't want to think of her. Another tear fell. I need to forget. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hands and quickened my pace. I just walked, not to anywhere in particular, just somewhere.

I arrived at a small diner. Memories flooded my head as the tears began to fall again. This is the last place I saw /her/. It was almost a week ago. Last Sunday to be precise. We had breakfast together a booth near the back. I need to get away from here. now.

I ran home. My docs pounding off the sidewalk. I fumbled with the keys to unlock the door. Finally I got it unlocked and I burst in the door. I slammed it shut, leaned my back to the door and slid down to the floor and began to cry.


/Now this place seems familiar to him,
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin.
She lead him upstairs, she lead him upstairs
Left him dying to get in./


I cried for about an hour. My eyes were red and swolen and me throat was dry from sobbing. I pulled my head up from my arms. Through my blurred vision I looked up at the stairs. Everything reminds me of her. I just don't deserve this.

I remember the love of my life Lindsey Ballato. She was standing on the middle of the stairs. Her ebony hair was tied up in loose ponytails, a few stray strands of hair fell in her ivory face. She giggled and grabbed my hand, leading me upstairs. I remember the devilish grin painted upon her soft red lips. She brought me up to our bedroom...

I don't want to remember. I need to forget. I got up and grabbed yet another bottle of vodka and took a mouthful of my liquid companion. I heard my cell phone ringing from the bathroom where it must have fell from my pocket last night. I flipped it open and looked at the flashing screen. FRANKIE :3


/Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling,
I'm calling at night./


"Hello?" I kind of slurred down the phone.
"Hey, Gee." Came the comforting voice of my best friend. "How're you feelin' now?" He asked.
"How do you think I'm feeling!?" I spat.
"I'm coming over, Gee. You can't lock yourself up all the time, its bad for you. I'll see you soon." He said before the line went dead.

I put the phone down on the sink, and looked in the mirror. I'm fucking sick of seeing this fucking face. My hair was greasy as fuck, there were purple bags under my bloodshot eyes, My lips were chapped and faded, and there were tearstains of week-old eyeliner going down my face. I couldn't let Frank see me like this. I splashed some water on my face and dried it with a towel, then I grabbed some clean(ish) clothes from the wash basket and threw them on.

I heard a knock on the door. It was Frank. I trudged down the stairs. Frank had his own key to my house, so he let himself in. The minute he saw me he hugged me tightly. I missed my best friend. I began to cry onto his shoulder, soaking his hoodie with tears. He rubbed my back and whispered words of comfort in my ear before leading me to the sofa. He sat me down and pulled me close. I buried my head in the crook of his neck. "Frankie" I croaked. "Shhh, It's okay Gee. Shhh..."


/I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams,
And its driving me crazy, it seems.
I'm gonna ask her to marry me./


After a while I calmed down a little bit. Or at least, calm enough to make coherent sentences. I told him everything. I told him how much I loved her, and how much I missed her. I told him how I proposed to her, and how she said she wasn't ready. I told him how she left me, and how my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.


/Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff.
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut./


Frank stroked my hair and told me everything would get better. He said she probably just wasn't expecting it, and felt it was too soon to get married. I wished he was right, and that everything would be okay, but I knew better. She doesn't love me.


/Awaken the neighbors,
Unfamiliar faces,
He bleeds though he tries,
He's only denied how he's dying to get inside./


I'm surprised I didn't wake the neighbours with my pained cries. How awkward would that be? If one of my neighbours walked in to complain, and saw me curled up, crying and being held close by Frank.

My heart is broken and bleeding. Frank is my savior, stitching these wounds, healing my broken heart. I love him so much.


/The neighbours said she moved away.
Funny how it rained all day.
I didn't think much of it then,
But its starting to all make sense./


I was so caught up in self-pity, and heartbreak that I never properly thought the situation through. She didn't love me. Love is a thing that happens between two people. Sitting here being held tight by my best friend, feeling his chest rise, and fall, with his heart beating next to mine, I realised something... I love Frank, not Lindsey.


/Oh I can see now,
That all of these clouds are
Following me in my desperate endeavor,
To find my whoever, wherever she may be./


I can't believe I didn't see this before. Who always had my back when I was absolutely smashed off alcohol and pills, and didn't pass judgement? Lindsey? No. Frank. Who was there for me when I was suicidal, holding that bottle of Xanax, ready to sink into the dark abyss that is death? Lindsey? Nope. Frank. Who always listened to my problems and gave me a shoulder to cry on? Lindsey? No. Frank. And I love him.


/I'm not coming back,
I've done something so terrible.
I'm terrified to speak,
But you'd expect they from me.
I'm mixed up, I'll be blind./


I pulled my head out from the crook of Frank's neck and looked up at him. I looked deep into his hazel-green eyes. He placed his hands on my cheeks, and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. I just know I love him, I can feel it.

I leaned closer to his face, not breaking eye contact. His eyes were heavy-lidded,and began to close as he leaned closer towards me. Our lips met gently, and we stayed like that for a few seconds, before pulling away and repeating the simple kiss a few more times. I felt as if my whole body was on vibrate. No one had ever made me feel like this before.


/Now the rain is washing you out of my hair,
And out of my mind!
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousand of feet off the ground.
I'm over you now,
I'm not up in the clouds,
Towering over your head.../


Why was I even upset in the first place? How could I have been so blind? I'm such a hopeless romantic. I thought she was the one, when its so obvious that she wasn't. If she was the one, she wouldn't have mangled my heart.

Frank put his leg over the other side of my waist, so now he was straddling me. He kissed me harder this time, more passionately. He licked my bottom lip, which made my breath hitch in my throat. I parted my lips and he explored my mouth with his tongue and I did the same. He shifted and moved me so that I was lying on the sofa while he was still straddling me. He tangled his hands in my messy ebony hair.

I rested my hands on the bottom of his back and gently drew invisible circles there with the tips of my fingers. This made him gasp, kissing back more hungrily. He started rocking his hips against mine, now it was my turn to gasp. I suddenly realised that my skinny pants were getting tighter, and tighter. I rolled my hips up, pressing against the hardness which was growing in his pants. I looked up at him, his hair was damp from sweat and beginning to curl but he was so beautiful.

I watched Frank's face as I rolled my hips up again, it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. He rocked harder, and harder every time I rolled my hips up. We were both out of breath and panting. I rocked my hips harder against his, causing him to make the most unholy sound I've ever heard. Why didn't I try this sooner!? We were both close. He rolled his hips down harder, and re-made that amazing sound, which sent me over the edge. "Frrrrrraaaaaannnnnnk..." I moaned out in pleasure as I came in my boxers. A second later Frank came too moaning my name.

We laid on eachother for a while, panting and out of breath before he kissed me softly on the forehead. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that for." Frank chuckled. I giggled, and looked into his beautiful hazel-green eyes again.
"I love you, Frankie."
"I love you too, Gee."


/I guess I'll go home now,
I guess I'll go home now,
I guess I'll go home now,
I guess I'll go home.../