Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Heaven Help Us
Gerards POV:
I was just following LynZ's advise. Look, and act, in charge and in control. Along with staying cool and collected. But when I saw his face when he realized that what I tossed him was lube instead of a cupcake his face just... collapsed? Fell? Drawn the look of eternal sadness? How ever you want to say it. I don't even know what to say right now. He just keeps staring at me. I felt like dying. Right here, right now. Why isn't he saying anything!? He's just staring at me with his mouth partly open and staring at me with a shocked expression. Tears start running down my face. Frank notices and I quietly wipe them away. I feel a knot in my throat and I know that I am about to start sobbing. I start taking quick, shuddered breaths and I am about to lose my cool.
Frank drops the lube and repeats my name over and over again quickly. He sounds scared and sympathetic... and sad. Almost sorry for me. Like when you make a mistake or disappoint someone and they just look at you shaking their head sadly and ashamed... that's how Frank looks right now. He takes both my hands and looks at me in the eyes. I know something bad is going to happen. That feeling right before a horrible storm or accident. I know whats coming. The talk. The relationship talk. I can't hear it. I just don't know if I can handle it. Coming from Frankie, MY Frankie. He takes a deep breath and looks at me sympathetically. Like during those.. break up... talks... O dear god. This can't be happening.
Everything is a blur and moving too fast. My breathing gets erratic and my tears keep flowing. I see Franks mouth move but I can't hear any words. He looks like hes expecting an answer. I don't even know the question. He lets go of my hands and I can't tell whats going on. The whole room starts spinning. My whole world, seems to be crashing down on me. The crushing weight of all the bullshit that's going down. The blood drains from my face and I don't even know whats going on. I can't hear anything. Except two words being repeated over and over again. It woulds like we are under water. Hearing the rushing of my blood draining from my face, and the fuzz.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
Those words being repeated over and over again. I look over at Frank, expressionless, to see what his emotion is right now. He has tears flowing endlessly down his face and he keeps repeating those words over and over again.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
He reaches for me but I jump out of his grasp. I look at him plainly and it looks like hes begging me to stay. Or forgive him. The room starts spinning faster and faster. I can't feel my body and I can't breath because the lump in my throat has grown too big to swallow. There is only one thought swimming around in my head. It's to get the fuck away from this house and away from Frank.
I run out the door and everything is spinning. I feel nauseous and I double over onto the grass and vomit up all the wine that we drank and the food that we ate. I have puke dripping down the front of my shirt. I can see a little more clearly now. I turn to look at the door way of the house and Frank is running towards me. No way in Hell am I talking to him right now. I get up and start sprinting.
A couple of times I had to stop and catch my breath, or even throw up some more. The dizzy and light-headedness was still there and it seemed that Frank just ripped out my heart and ate it with a butter knife and a spoon. I walk the rest of the way home and people are staring at me. It makes me cry even harder. By the time I reach my house I an sobbing. My mom jumps off of the couch to come and comfort me.
"Sweety!!" She yells. I cry even harder, "Calm down, calm down,"
"Fuck off!" I scream at her. She seems a little taken aback. I take this opportunity and run. When I get to my room I am covered in vomit, sweat, snot, and tears. I rip off my clothes and throw them at the walls screaming. I lay on my bed shaking and crying. I fall asleep soon after.
I wake up two hours later to a soft knocking on my door. I groan and aimlessly throw my pillow entering my room. I hear it hit something on the desk in my room and the sound of books toppling over. I pull my comforter/duvet over my head and whimper. I feel the weight of my bed shift and realize that the person sat down on the foot of my bed. They stroke my head nervously and pulls the comforter off of my head. I look up and realize that its Mikey. I look at my clock and it reads 10:27.
"What the hell do you want?" I spit at him. I have no time for sympathy.
"What happened at Franks house?" He asks calmly.
"Just go away i don't wa-"
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT FRANKS HOUSE?!" He yells cutting me off. I let out a small cry and his under my comforter again. I hear Mikey let out a long sigh and he stats rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to yell..." another sigh, "I found the receipt for the lube that you bought today. You left it on the floor in here. I went through you're pockets and I couldn't find it. Please tell me what happened at Franks house," He says sympathetically. I freeze and the world stops. He found the receipt for the lube... Mom knows that I may not be a virgin.... FUCK!
"Does mom know... About the lube I mean," I whisper. I hear Mikey chuckle and I come out from hiding.
"Naw, I didn't think that you would want her to know about that. So I kept it to my self. Please tell me what happened?" He asks one last time.
I spend the next hour explaining the whole entire date. All the details of every thing that happened. From the food, to the making out, to the gifts, and then to now. I watch his expression in the dim light. He looks likes hes about to cry. But then all of the sudden he goes dark. He growls and jumps off my bed. I know what hes about to do and let me tell you, it ain't very pretty.
I run after him and pull him back right before the reached his front door. I turn his around and glare at him. He glares back and we just stand their for 5 minutes. Eventually he breaks the gaze and looks at the floor.
"I'm sorry, Gerard. I shouldn't go out and start killing people. Especially Frank..." When Mikey says "HIS" name I start crying all over again. He hugs me tight and I slid on the floor in my baby brothers arms crying. I fall asleep and I'm guessing so did he.
I was just following LynZ's advise. Look, and act, in charge and in control. Along with staying cool and collected. But when I saw his face when he realized that what I tossed him was lube instead of a cupcake his face just... collapsed? Fell? Drawn the look of eternal sadness? How ever you want to say it. I don't even know what to say right now. He just keeps staring at me. I felt like dying. Right here, right now. Why isn't he saying anything!? He's just staring at me with his mouth partly open and staring at me with a shocked expression. Tears start running down my face. Frank notices and I quietly wipe them away. I feel a knot in my throat and I know that I am about to start sobbing. I start taking quick, shuddered breaths and I am about to lose my cool.
Frank drops the lube and repeats my name over and over again quickly. He sounds scared and sympathetic... and sad. Almost sorry for me. Like when you make a mistake or disappoint someone and they just look at you shaking their head sadly and ashamed... that's how Frank looks right now. He takes both my hands and looks at me in the eyes. I know something bad is going to happen. That feeling right before a horrible storm or accident. I know whats coming. The talk. The relationship talk. I can't hear it. I just don't know if I can handle it. Coming from Frankie, MY Frankie. He takes a deep breath and looks at me sympathetically. Like during those.. break up... talks... O dear god. This can't be happening.
Everything is a blur and moving too fast. My breathing gets erratic and my tears keep flowing. I see Franks mouth move but I can't hear any words. He looks like hes expecting an answer. I don't even know the question. He lets go of my hands and I can't tell whats going on. The whole room starts spinning. My whole world, seems to be crashing down on me. The crushing weight of all the bullshit that's going down. The blood drains from my face and I don't even know whats going on. I can't hear anything. Except two words being repeated over and over again. It woulds like we are under water. Hearing the rushing of my blood draining from my face, and the fuzz.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
Those words being repeated over and over again. I look over at Frank, expressionless, to see what his emotion is right now. He has tears flowing endlessly down his face and he keeps repeating those words over and over again.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry.
He reaches for me but I jump out of his grasp. I look at him plainly and it looks like hes begging me to stay. Or forgive him. The room starts spinning faster and faster. I can't feel my body and I can't breath because the lump in my throat has grown too big to swallow. There is only one thought swimming around in my head. It's to get the fuck away from this house and away from Frank.
I run out the door and everything is spinning. I feel nauseous and I double over onto the grass and vomit up all the wine that we drank and the food that we ate. I have puke dripping down the front of my shirt. I can see a little more clearly now. I turn to look at the door way of the house and Frank is running towards me. No way in Hell am I talking to him right now. I get up and start sprinting.
A couple of times I had to stop and catch my breath, or even throw up some more. The dizzy and light-headedness was still there and it seemed that Frank just ripped out my heart and ate it with a butter knife and a spoon. I walk the rest of the way home and people are staring at me. It makes me cry even harder. By the time I reach my house I an sobbing. My mom jumps off of the couch to come and comfort me.
"Sweety!!" She yells. I cry even harder, "Calm down, calm down,"
"Fuck off!" I scream at her. She seems a little taken aback. I take this opportunity and run. When I get to my room I am covered in vomit, sweat, snot, and tears. I rip off my clothes and throw them at the walls screaming. I lay on my bed shaking and crying. I fall asleep soon after.
I wake up two hours later to a soft knocking on my door. I groan and aimlessly throw my pillow entering my room. I hear it hit something on the desk in my room and the sound of books toppling over. I pull my comforter/duvet over my head and whimper. I feel the weight of my bed shift and realize that the person sat down on the foot of my bed. They stroke my head nervously and pulls the comforter off of my head. I look up and realize that its Mikey. I look at my clock and it reads 10:27.
"What the hell do you want?" I spit at him. I have no time for sympathy.
"What happened at Franks house?" He asks calmly.
"Just go away i don't wa-"
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT FRANKS HOUSE?!" He yells cutting me off. I let out a small cry and his under my comforter again. I hear Mikey let out a long sigh and he stats rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to yell..." another sigh, "I found the receipt for the lube that you bought today. You left it on the floor in here. I went through you're pockets and I couldn't find it. Please tell me what happened at Franks house," He says sympathetically. I freeze and the world stops. He found the receipt for the lube... Mom knows that I may not be a virgin.... FUCK!
"Does mom know... About the lube I mean," I whisper. I hear Mikey chuckle and I come out from hiding.
"Naw, I didn't think that you would want her to know about that. So I kept it to my self. Please tell me what happened?" He asks one last time.
I spend the next hour explaining the whole entire date. All the details of every thing that happened. From the food, to the making out, to the gifts, and then to now. I watch his expression in the dim light. He looks likes hes about to cry. But then all of the sudden he goes dark. He growls and jumps off my bed. I know what hes about to do and let me tell you, it ain't very pretty.
I run after him and pull him back right before the reached his front door. I turn his around and glare at him. He glares back and we just stand their for 5 minutes. Eventually he breaks the gaze and looks at the floor.
"I'm sorry, Gerard. I shouldn't go out and start killing people. Especially Frank..." When Mikey says "HIS" name I start crying all over again. He hugs me tight and I slid on the floor in my baby brothers arms crying. I fall asleep and I'm guessing so did he.
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