Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Heaven Help Us
Gerard's POV:
Tears are running down my cheeks and I grip my steering wheel tighter. Why did I have to fucking run. This is all my fault. I start sobbing and I swerve a little. I should be the one in the hospital. Not Frank. He denied me! Why am I even bothering going to the hospital. I start crying harder and I barley make it to the hospital with out totaling my car. I find a parking spot and sprint inside. I see Mikey passing back and fourth in the lobby while doctors roll Frank away in a stretcher. I see blood pouring out of his wrists and an oxygen mask attached to his face. I scream and try to run for him. Mikey runs towards me and wraps my in a hug. Well... more trying to restrain me.
"Fraaaannnkkk!! Frankie!!! NO NO NO NO!!! FRAN-N-NK" I start sobbing in my baby brothers shirt. I collapse onto the floor crying and Mikey looks alarmed. He tries to help my up but I scream at him. He has Franks blood on his hands and shirt and I don't want to touch parts of Frankie. I want my whole Frankie. I want him here with me. In his bed on our anniversary night. Not in a hospital with his wrist wrapped in bandages from a suicide attempt.
"Gerard. You have to get up," Mikey says calmly. Even though hes crying. He has barley ever seen me cry, other than tonight. I know it scares him to see his older brother cry.
I crawl over to the waiting area, into one of the chairs, and just curl up there and cry. Mikey strokes my back softly and That calms me down. But only a little.
"What happened?" I whisper to Mikey. He looks over at me confused.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"What happened to Frank... just.. what happened?" I ask softly. Mikey hugs me and explains the story to me.
I already know of the note. Mikey wrote me a note and taped it above my head while I was sleeping. He said that he was going to talk to Frank. Not kill him or anything. Just to ask what his side of the story was during out anniversary dinner. When Mikey pulled up to Franks house, it was dark. Except for his room. Mikey knocked on the door but Frank didn't answer it. He knew Frank was home because his bedroom light was on. Mikey then started to get worried. He tried to open the door. Turns out it was unlocked and he started to get a little worried.
Mikey called Franks name over and over again. When he didn't hear a response he started to panic. He ran up stairs to Franks room screaming his name. When he opened the bedroom door he saw Frank, laying there. With his whole body bleeding and a spilled box of razors laying next to him. He checked for a pulse. And when he heard one he tried to stop the bleeding. He called for an ambulance. When it arrived he rode in it with Frank. He called me and told me to meet him at the hospital and that Frank was in trouble. So here we are now.
"A name was written in the blood..." Mikey whispers has his whole body shutters. I look at him shocked, "It wasn't your name," He gulps and starts to cry. I start sobbing again.
"Whose name..." I whisper.
"Gerard. You don't know him. I don't even-"
"WHOSE NAME, GOD DAMMIT!" I scream. Everyone there turns and stares at me. But I don't care.
"The name was 'Conner'" Mikey whispers. I run my fingers through my hair and I let out a small cry. Mikey looks alarmed and jumps back in.
"BUT! For all we know it could be his dads name, or a name a brother or cousin. Someone else who died..." Mikey looks at me and I calm down a little. A nurse walks over to us with a sad look on her face. My heart rate speeds up and my breathing is coming out fast and shallow and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I have seen enough E.R shows to know that the expression she has on now isn't a good one.
"Mr. Way, Mr. Way-" The nurse starts to say but I cut her off.
"I'm Gerard and this is Mikey. Mr. Way is our dad," I smile sadly and she nods.
"Gerard, Mikey. We managed to save your umm..."
"Boyfriend," I jump in again. She smiles and nods.
"-boyfriend. But he is barely hanging on. He lost a lot of blood and we don't know how he will be later on. There may be some other heath concerns involving what he used in his.. Ummm.. Suicide attempt. He seems to be having an allergic reaction from the metal in the razors..." The nurse drifts off looking at some paper work.
"But he will be okay? Please say my Frankie will be okay!" I start crying and Mikey hugs me.
"We hope," The nurse says calmly and walks off.
Me and Mikey sit in a daze the rest of the time we are in the waiting room. We have been sitting there all night, waiting for news from the nurse. Around 7:00 o-clock the sun comes up and light fills the waiting room. Me and Mikey look at each other. And I can bet, I look worse than Mikey. And he looks like crap. e couldn't get any sleep through the night. 1) For being worried sick about the well being of Frank and 2) unable to get comfortable in the shitty hospital chairs.
I sit up and look around the waiting area. Franks parents came around 2:00 last night after Mikey called them. They sat with us for a little while, while Mrs. Iero sat next to me while I laid my head on her shoulder and her stroking my hair. But shifted seats to go comfort her husband. Right now they just sit there with a dazed, stone look. Mikey stands.
"I'm going to the hospitals cafeteria to get some coffee. Do you want any?" He asks. To my surprise I shake my head. Mikey looks surprised. I never say no to coffee. Its like my dirty little obsession.
"I don't really feel good...." I say drifting off and looking into the distance. Mikey gives me a quick hugs and walks off.
"Mrs. Iero, Mr. Iero. You guys don't look good. Go home and get some rest. I'll stay here and I'll call you if any news comes. Or if anything changes with Frank," I say to them. They both nod and give me a hug then walk out the door clutching each others hands.
I plop myself back into the chair and drift off to sleep for about 2 hours. When I wake up Mikey is sitting next to me reading a magazine. I sit up and stretch. I have a painful knot in my back and I try to loosen it by rubbing it. A nurse walks over to me smiling. Not really a happy smile, but a sympathetic smile.
"You can go and visit Frank for as long as you want. His vitals are stable for now and I think it's safe for you to go see him. Stay there for as long as you need. There is a phone in there, so if anything changes or happens just dial '13' and It will connect to the doctors phone. If there is any real emergencies dial '2'. Okay, love?" She says. I nod eagerly and follow her down the hall to Franks room. When I walk in I can't help my self from crying. I run to Franks bed and kneel down and hold his hand. The nurse closes the door behind her and I start sobbing.
He has a tube going down this throat and every part of him is covered in bandages and gauze. He has an oxygen mask on and several tubes and IV's hooked to both arms. There is a IV going into his shoulder leading to a bag of blood. I start to feel a little sick but suck it up and kiss his forehead lightly.
"Frank.. If you can hear me.. I'm so sorry. For anything that I did. This is all my fault. And I don't care who this Conner guy is. I won't even get mad if you are cheating on me with this guy. As long as you are okay.." I break off and cry harder. Eventually my knees start to hurt so I move and sit on the chair and look at my hands folded in my lap. I sit there for a while. Then something odd happened....
Franks heart monitor starts beeping faster, and faster, and faster. Frank whips his head back and his whole body starts shaking and his eyes roll back into his head and he rips off his oxygen mask. I start screaming and grab the wall phone and dial '*2' within seconds doctors are rushing thought the door shouting and trying to hold Frank down. I stand there screaming and one of the doctors notices me and yells for one of the nurses to get me out of there.
Then there's the constant beep of a flat line. I start crying and screaming at the doctors and I run over to Frank.
"FRANK!!! NO NO NO!!! FRANKIE!!!!! NOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE! FRANKIE!!!!!" A security guards lifts me up while I kick and scream for my Frankie. The love of my life. The one that I will love and cherish forever. I keep thrashing trying to get out of the security guards hold on me. I am shaking my head up and down and shrieking Frank's name. Mikey runs in and helps the security guard hold me down. I keep kicking and trashing and shaking my head. I hit it against the floor and one of the doctors starts panicking.
I feel a needle go into my back and I feel like I'm sinking into darkness. Sinking back into a depression. Everything turns blurry then goes dark.
I wake up a couple days later in my own hospital room. I'm in the room by my self and in one of those shitty hospital gowns. I have a splitting head-ache. I lay there looking up at the ceiling for about 15 minutes until a nurse walks in.
"Great! You're awake," No shit, Sherlock. I think to my self. The nurse looks at me smiling with fake enthusiasm.
"Why am I in here?" I ask a little bit groggy. The nurse writes something on a piece of paper attached to a clip board.
"You were having a little bit of a.. scene. And we had to give you an injection because you were thrashing about and hitting you're head repetitively. You have a concussion and will have to stay in the hospital for the rest of the day because you were in a bit of a coma because with the concussion and the injection we gave you, you're boy reacted to that. It is totally normal because at the time of the injection we didn't know that you had a concussion," She smiles her (FAKE!) cheery smile. I look at her plainly.
"Where's Frank," I ask. She looks up at me a little startled, but composes her self.
"You're family is in the lobby. I will go inform them that you are awake," She starts to walk away but I grab her wrist and pull her back to me.
"I said.. Where is Frank!?" I looks scared and sad. She knows exactly what I'm asking and she knows the answer. But she isn't going to tell me. Nope... She rips her arm out of my grasp and backs away.
"I really shouldn't tell you. Not now.." She walks towards me. I sit up and my head spins and I feel like I'm going to throw up. The tries to get me to lay down again but I push her away and jump out of the bed. I run out of the door. The nurse runs after me. I push and shove my way through the crowds of doctors and they all look in my direction.
"Gerard! You really don't know what you are doing! Please stop!" I nurse calls after me. I look back and see several other doctors chasing after me. I run towards Franks room. I see my family running towards me looking worried and scared. They are tying to stop my. I look around. I'm nearly surrounded. I bolt around the corner into another hall way and loop around the crowds. It seems like everyone is chasing me now.
When I get to Franks room I slam the door open and when I see the inside I fall to my knees. My mouth open. I'm surrounded by everyone. I'm sobbing and screaming. My family tried to comfort me but I scream at me. Mikey is the only one that I allow to touch me. We sit there on the floor, again, crying into each others arms.
Franks room was empty.
I do not promote self harm or suicide WHAT SO EVER! So hopefully this story isn't a trigger for any of you. And If it is please email me and say so, so that I can make sure it doesn't happen again.
Tears are running down my cheeks and I grip my steering wheel tighter. Why did I have to fucking run. This is all my fault. I start sobbing and I swerve a little. I should be the one in the hospital. Not Frank. He denied me! Why am I even bothering going to the hospital. I start crying harder and I barley make it to the hospital with out totaling my car. I find a parking spot and sprint inside. I see Mikey passing back and fourth in the lobby while doctors roll Frank away in a stretcher. I see blood pouring out of his wrists and an oxygen mask attached to his face. I scream and try to run for him. Mikey runs towards me and wraps my in a hug. Well... more trying to restrain me.
"Fraaaannnkkk!! Frankie!!! NO NO NO NO!!! FRAN-N-NK" I start sobbing in my baby brothers shirt. I collapse onto the floor crying and Mikey looks alarmed. He tries to help my up but I scream at him. He has Franks blood on his hands and shirt and I don't want to touch parts of Frankie. I want my whole Frankie. I want him here with me. In his bed on our anniversary night. Not in a hospital with his wrist wrapped in bandages from a suicide attempt.
"Gerard. You have to get up," Mikey says calmly. Even though hes crying. He has barley ever seen me cry, other than tonight. I know it scares him to see his older brother cry.
I crawl over to the waiting area, into one of the chairs, and just curl up there and cry. Mikey strokes my back softly and That calms me down. But only a little.
"What happened?" I whisper to Mikey. He looks over at me confused.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"What happened to Frank... just.. what happened?" I ask softly. Mikey hugs me and explains the story to me.
I already know of the note. Mikey wrote me a note and taped it above my head while I was sleeping. He said that he was going to talk to Frank. Not kill him or anything. Just to ask what his side of the story was during out anniversary dinner. When Mikey pulled up to Franks house, it was dark. Except for his room. Mikey knocked on the door but Frank didn't answer it. He knew Frank was home because his bedroom light was on. Mikey then started to get worried. He tried to open the door. Turns out it was unlocked and he started to get a little worried.
Mikey called Franks name over and over again. When he didn't hear a response he started to panic. He ran up stairs to Franks room screaming his name. When he opened the bedroom door he saw Frank, laying there. With his whole body bleeding and a spilled box of razors laying next to him. He checked for a pulse. And when he heard one he tried to stop the bleeding. He called for an ambulance. When it arrived he rode in it with Frank. He called me and told me to meet him at the hospital and that Frank was in trouble. So here we are now.
"A name was written in the blood..." Mikey whispers has his whole body shutters. I look at him shocked, "It wasn't your name," He gulps and starts to cry. I start sobbing again.
"Whose name..." I whisper.
"Gerard. You don't know him. I don't even-"
"WHOSE NAME, GOD DAMMIT!" I scream. Everyone there turns and stares at me. But I don't care.
"The name was 'Conner'" Mikey whispers. I run my fingers through my hair and I let out a small cry. Mikey looks alarmed and jumps back in.
"BUT! For all we know it could be his dads name, or a name a brother or cousin. Someone else who died..." Mikey looks at me and I calm down a little. A nurse walks over to us with a sad look on her face. My heart rate speeds up and my breathing is coming out fast and shallow and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I have seen enough E.R shows to know that the expression she has on now isn't a good one.
"Mr. Way, Mr. Way-" The nurse starts to say but I cut her off.
"I'm Gerard and this is Mikey. Mr. Way is our dad," I smile sadly and she nods.
"Gerard, Mikey. We managed to save your umm..."
"Boyfriend," I jump in again. She smiles and nods.
"-boyfriend. But he is barely hanging on. He lost a lot of blood and we don't know how he will be later on. There may be some other heath concerns involving what he used in his.. Ummm.. Suicide attempt. He seems to be having an allergic reaction from the metal in the razors..." The nurse drifts off looking at some paper work.
"But he will be okay? Please say my Frankie will be okay!" I start crying and Mikey hugs me.
"We hope," The nurse says calmly and walks off.
Me and Mikey sit in a daze the rest of the time we are in the waiting room. We have been sitting there all night, waiting for news from the nurse. Around 7:00 o-clock the sun comes up and light fills the waiting room. Me and Mikey look at each other. And I can bet, I look worse than Mikey. And he looks like crap. e couldn't get any sleep through the night. 1) For being worried sick about the well being of Frank and 2) unable to get comfortable in the shitty hospital chairs.
I sit up and look around the waiting area. Franks parents came around 2:00 last night after Mikey called them. They sat with us for a little while, while Mrs. Iero sat next to me while I laid my head on her shoulder and her stroking my hair. But shifted seats to go comfort her husband. Right now they just sit there with a dazed, stone look. Mikey stands.
"I'm going to the hospitals cafeteria to get some coffee. Do you want any?" He asks. To my surprise I shake my head. Mikey looks surprised. I never say no to coffee. Its like my dirty little obsession.
"I don't really feel good...." I say drifting off and looking into the distance. Mikey gives me a quick hugs and walks off.
"Mrs. Iero, Mr. Iero. You guys don't look good. Go home and get some rest. I'll stay here and I'll call you if any news comes. Or if anything changes with Frank," I say to them. They both nod and give me a hug then walk out the door clutching each others hands.
I plop myself back into the chair and drift off to sleep for about 2 hours. When I wake up Mikey is sitting next to me reading a magazine. I sit up and stretch. I have a painful knot in my back and I try to loosen it by rubbing it. A nurse walks over to me smiling. Not really a happy smile, but a sympathetic smile.
"You can go and visit Frank for as long as you want. His vitals are stable for now and I think it's safe for you to go see him. Stay there for as long as you need. There is a phone in there, so if anything changes or happens just dial '13' and It will connect to the doctors phone. If there is any real emergencies dial '2'. Okay, love?" She says. I nod eagerly and follow her down the hall to Franks room. When I walk in I can't help my self from crying. I run to Franks bed and kneel down and hold his hand. The nurse closes the door behind her and I start sobbing.
He has a tube going down this throat and every part of him is covered in bandages and gauze. He has an oxygen mask on and several tubes and IV's hooked to both arms. There is a IV going into his shoulder leading to a bag of blood. I start to feel a little sick but suck it up and kiss his forehead lightly.
"Frank.. If you can hear me.. I'm so sorry. For anything that I did. This is all my fault. And I don't care who this Conner guy is. I won't even get mad if you are cheating on me with this guy. As long as you are okay.." I break off and cry harder. Eventually my knees start to hurt so I move and sit on the chair and look at my hands folded in my lap. I sit there for a while. Then something odd happened....
Franks heart monitor starts beeping faster, and faster, and faster. Frank whips his head back and his whole body starts shaking and his eyes roll back into his head and he rips off his oxygen mask. I start screaming and grab the wall phone and dial '*2' within seconds doctors are rushing thought the door shouting and trying to hold Frank down. I stand there screaming and one of the doctors notices me and yells for one of the nurses to get me out of there.
Then there's the constant beep of a flat line. I start crying and screaming at the doctors and I run over to Frank.
"FRANK!!! NO NO NO!!! FRANKIE!!!!! NOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE! FRANKIE!!!!!" A security guards lifts me up while I kick and scream for my Frankie. The love of my life. The one that I will love and cherish forever. I keep thrashing trying to get out of the security guards hold on me. I am shaking my head up and down and shrieking Frank's name. Mikey runs in and helps the security guard hold me down. I keep kicking and trashing and shaking my head. I hit it against the floor and one of the doctors starts panicking.
I feel a needle go into my back and I feel like I'm sinking into darkness. Sinking back into a depression. Everything turns blurry then goes dark.
I wake up a couple days later in my own hospital room. I'm in the room by my self and in one of those shitty hospital gowns. I have a splitting head-ache. I lay there looking up at the ceiling for about 15 minutes until a nurse walks in.
"Great! You're awake," No shit, Sherlock. I think to my self. The nurse looks at me smiling with fake enthusiasm.
"Why am I in here?" I ask a little bit groggy. The nurse writes something on a piece of paper attached to a clip board.
"You were having a little bit of a.. scene. And we had to give you an injection because you were thrashing about and hitting you're head repetitively. You have a concussion and will have to stay in the hospital for the rest of the day because you were in a bit of a coma because with the concussion and the injection we gave you, you're boy reacted to that. It is totally normal because at the time of the injection we didn't know that you had a concussion," She smiles her (FAKE!) cheery smile. I look at her plainly.
"Where's Frank," I ask. She looks up at me a little startled, but composes her self.
"You're family is in the lobby. I will go inform them that you are awake," She starts to walk away but I grab her wrist and pull her back to me.
"I said.. Where is Frank!?" I looks scared and sad. She knows exactly what I'm asking and she knows the answer. But she isn't going to tell me. Nope... She rips her arm out of my grasp and backs away.
"I really shouldn't tell you. Not now.." She walks towards me. I sit up and my head spins and I feel like I'm going to throw up. The tries to get me to lay down again but I push her away and jump out of the bed. I run out of the door. The nurse runs after me. I push and shove my way through the crowds of doctors and they all look in my direction.
"Gerard! You really don't know what you are doing! Please stop!" I nurse calls after me. I look back and see several other doctors chasing after me. I run towards Franks room. I see my family running towards me looking worried and scared. They are tying to stop my. I look around. I'm nearly surrounded. I bolt around the corner into another hall way and loop around the crowds. It seems like everyone is chasing me now.
When I get to Franks room I slam the door open and when I see the inside I fall to my knees. My mouth open. I'm surrounded by everyone. I'm sobbing and screaming. My family tried to comfort me but I scream at me. Mikey is the only one that I allow to touch me. We sit there on the floor, again, crying into each others arms.
Franks room was empty.
I do not promote self harm or suicide WHAT SO EVER! So hopefully this story isn't a trigger for any of you. And If it is please email me and say so, so that I can make sure it doesn't happen again.
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