Categories > Celebrities > Johnny Depp
He had been in love with the man ever since he had had a chance meeting with him. He knew that he had to have him, own him. One way or another Johnny was going to be his. The only problem that Jude had was that he was pretty sure that the man didn’t even know that he was alive. So he had to figure out a way to get Johnny to notice him. He sighed as he realized that this was not going to be easy.
***
Johnny on the other hand was sure that this was going to be the shortest and easy film stint that he had done yet. He was doing it as a favour to Terry Gilliam. Heath was dead, and they needed a Tony..three Tony’s to be exact. He knew that within the next couple of hours, he would be expected to go down to the main hall of the hotel to meet the other two Tony’s, all of the regular actors and to honour Heath.
He stepped in front of the full-length mirror that adorned the wall near the bed. Taking one final drag off his cigarette and drinking the swallow of Whisky that was left in the glass he stared at his reflection. His dark hair was down and curling ever so slightly, his eyes looked dark and haunted. He grabbed an elastic from the tabletop and swept his hair into a ponytail. He was hoping that he could do this quickly without too much trouble. He took a deep breath and walked out of his room.
***
Jude was standing next to Colin as they politely chatted. They really had nothing in common but Jude would have thought that he was rude if he hadn’t said something to the other man, aside from the initial hello. And out of the corner of his eye he managed to catch a glimpse of the man that had held him captivated from the very first time he had seen him. He wasn’t even sure what it was about this man that he had found so alluring. As far as being attracted to men went, Jude was never shy. He didn’t think that there was anything wrong with being able to admire a man; the male body was after all, gorgeous. That being said he had never been attracted to men, never fantasized about them or wondered what it would have been like to be with one. But this one was different; he seemed almost otherworldly, in a way that none other had ever been.
Johnny wasn’t stupid; he knew when he was being stared at. Such a pretty little thing a voice that he had all but forgotten echoed in his head. He took a deep breath, shook his head slightly, causing some of his hair to fall out of his ponytail and made his way to where Terry was. Right now, Terry was his safety blanket, and he supposed that Terry probably already knew that.
Terry smiled as he saw the younger man approach him. Despite the fact he hadn’t seen Johnny in years, he had recognized him right away. It was the mysteriousness of his eyes, the way that he walked, the way he fidgeted with anything that he could get his hands on. He chuckled; all these years and he was still uncomfortable in his own skin. He briefly wondered what sort of atrocity would have to happen for a man to be so insecure for so long. He quickly dismissed it as not any of his business. He hugged the young man, as he got closer. “Johnny, I am so glad that you could make it.”
As Johnny hugged him, his eyebrows furled in confusion. “Of course I am here. You called, said that you needed me for this project and I dropped everything to make sure that this film gets made.” Johnny finally released him from their embrace, glad that he had had that shot of Whisky before coming down. When Terry had said that there would be a small gathering of friends, what he should have said was that there would be a small herd of people that you don’t know there, and that you will feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. With a curt nod of his head he found a nice corner to sit in, he sat in the chair and fished a cigarette out of his pocket. This was going to be a really long night.
Colin had spied the older man, sitting by himself smoking and looking anxiously at the door. Colin smiled to himself and tapped Jude on the shoulder. “I know that you said that he was too old for you but he is sitting by himself and looking like he could bolt at any minute. I suggest you go over there and play nice.” Jude smacked Colin lightly on his shoulder. He knew that he was right but he also knew that hitting on the man now was crass, they were supposed to be here to celebrate the life of their now deceased friend. But he knew that if he didn’t do this now, he would never get the chance again.
He stood by the table. “Excuse me, may I sit down?”
Johnny took a deep drag from his cigarette, he wanted nothing more then to get out of that room but he also knew that to suddenly excuse himself now and leave would seem rude. He gestured towards one of the empty chairs, “Be my guest.”
Jude sat, extending his hand to the older man. “Jude Law.” As he spoke he took a cigarette out from his pocket, smoothing the paper between his fingers before he pushed the cigarette between his lips.
Johnny shook his hand, strongly and quickly like his father had taught him. Then without waiting to be asked he took his lighter and held it up to the end of the other man’s cigarette. Once, years ago he was sure, he had met someone in an elevator. He had been smoking, all dark curls and enormous green eyes and he had spoken with an unusual accent, but that wasn’t important. What had been was what the man had said. As this man stood in the elevator, puffing on his cigarette, he had told Johnny that anytime there was a man smoking a cigarette it was because what he really wanted to do was suck on a cock. Johnny had no explanation for why he had remembered that all of a sudden.
Realizing that he was staring at the other man and that he still had yet to introduce himself he killed the last of his cigarette. He knew that was no excuse for being rude but he hoped that it was at least reasonable as far as Jude was concerned, “Johnny Depp.” As he spoke he took the lighter out of his pocket and lit Jude’s cigarette. He seemed mesmerized by the older man. The way that he held his cigarette when it wasn’t being held in his mouth by his perfect lips, the way he held the glass that contained his Brandy or the way his voice seemed mellow and perfect, something that Johnny could listen to for hours.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, even if it is under such dismal circumstances.” Jude inhaled deeply as he spoke. He felt as if there was more that he should be saying but for the life of him he couldn’t think of a single thing, so he sat there; feeling like an idiot.
“The pleasure is all mine.” Johnny finished lamely wanting to get out of the room. As far as he was concerned he had fulfilled his end of the deal. He had told Terry that he would be there to help with the film and he was, he had told him that he would be there for the get-together, and he had been. He never said anything about staying through the whole thing and he was pretty sure that Terry wouldn’t notice if he ducked out early. Even if he did, he could handle Terry. He could see staying if he was being paid for this movie but they (Colin, Jude and himself) had agreed that all of the money would be going into a savings fund for the deceased’s daughter. “I would love to stay here and talk with you some more, but honestly I find these things boring. So I am going back to my hotel room, it was nice to meet you.”
Jude knew that he had screwed this up. He drained his glass and watched as the gorgeous man got up, bowed slightly and made his way to the door. At that point Colin approached Jude and clapped his hand on his shoulder. “Are you just going to watch your crush walk out the door or are you going to do something about it?”
Jude sighed and took a deep breath. “What am I supposed to do?’
Colin sighed and sat where Johnny had been. “You go out there. You offer to walk to him to his hotel room…and then use your imagination for the rest. If you want this to go to your way, you better get off your arse.”
Jude nodded. He knew that Colin was absolutely right. If this was going to happen, then it would have to happen now. He got up from his chair and all but ran into the hallway. He knew that the likelihood of him catching Johnny was slim to none; he wasted too much time with Colin and the vision had slipped through his fingers like too much sand at a beach. He was caught off guard and incredibly surprised when he entered the hallway and found Johnny leaning up against the wall, ankles crossed as he smoked a cigarette.
“Jude?” The surprise that Johnny felt was in his voice and etched on his face. He knew that there was a pretty good chance that he could have just been in the hallway, to catch the elevator. But he also knew that in order to do this, one did not stop near an unmarked door and directly in front of someone that they had only just met mere minutes earlier.
Jude was nervous. He had shoved his hands into his pockets so that Johnny wouldn’t know that they were shaking. He had to mentally remind himself to breathe and he tried not to stare too intensely at the dark, brown orbs that seem to hold all the secrets of the world and yet seem to tell nothing at all. “I just thought maybe you would like some company as you walked back to your hotel room.”
Johnny smiled as he put out his cigarette and placed the butt in the metal container that was screwed to the wall. “I would enjoy the company.” Jude nodded and the two of them walked towards the elevator together.
*
They were standing outside of Johnny’s hotel room door. Jude knew that he should bid the man good night. There were a dozen other thoughts running through his head at the moment and none of them were good. Johnny on the other hand, knew that when you were handed a gift, you accepted it graciously and you never took it for granted. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”
Jude smiled. “That would be lovely.” Jude took that opportunity to lightly squeeze Johnny’s hand. He had no idea what the other man’s reaction would be but he knew that in the worse case scenario Johnny would tell him that his affections were not returned. The best-case scenario was that he was going to get laid before the night was over. As Jude squeezed his hand, Johnny leaned forward so that his nose was at level with Jude’s neck, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jude smelled like brandy, cigarettes and some odd spice. It was in perfect harmony with the rest of him and Johnny was instantly addicted.
Jude thought that this was a bit of an odd thing to do but at the same time thought that perhaps it was best if he didn’t say anything. He figured that it was probably in his best interest to take Colin’s advice and just let things go the way that they did. He didn’t want to move too fast or risk making the gorgeous creature that he was currently with regret inviting him up. What he had been unprepared for was when Johnny shut the door, slammed him up against it and kissed from his ear, all the way down his neck. He made sure that he hit that spot just below Jude’s ear. Jude could feel his toes curl inside his shoes. If Johnny kept up with that he was going to have him out of his pants in no time.
“Johnny?” Jude breathed heavily as he tried to very hard to compose himself.
Johnny looked at him, head tilted to one side with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “Yes Jude?”
“I recommend that you not do that again. I can’t be held responsible for what would happen to you if you did.” Jude wasn’t meaning to sound patronizing or like he disapproved of what Johnny had done. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Johnny had closed the gap that he had created between them and sucked and licked on the spot that Jude had just finished telling him not to touch and Jude couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped his lips.
“I think that if we are going to continue this, we should move to the bedroom.” Johnny held his breath. Jude was the most exquisite thing that he had ever laid eyes on. And to think that he was here with him now, the whole thing made him feel slightly dizzy. Jude was slightly frazzled when a look of uncertainty came over Johnny’s dark brown eyes, like a dark thundercloud. “That is only if you want to.”
Jude leaned up so that he was pressed up against the older man. He wanted to make sure that there was absolutely no doubt in Johnny’s mind that he wanted to be where he was. And that he wanted this to happen and that his hand hasn’t been swayed or pushed into doing whatever. He briefly wondered what could have happened that would take a man like Johnny, one so confident, so sure of himself and knock him down so completely that he would be so shy and unsure. If Jude didn’t know any better he would have thought that they were two totally different men. He grabbed Johnny’s hand, intertwining his fingers with Johnny’s slender, if not slightly stained ones.
Johnny smiled. He gave Jude’s hand a light squeeze as he led him to the bedroom. This wasn’t exactly the way that he had pictured that things would go down but at the same time Jude was so perfect that he would take whatever he could get. Once inside the room, he turned on one of the low lights. No point in making it too bright and scaring him off.
Johnny may have been shy about the way that things were going but Jude was not. He knew exactly what he wanted and how he was going to get it. Once he was inside the bedroom, he wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist and pushed him backwards towards the bed as he attacked his mouth with his own. He ran his tongue along Johnny’s bottom lip and wasn’t surprised when Johnny willingly opened his mouth and allowed Jude to explore the inside of his mouth with his tongue. Johnny moaned into Jude’s mouth as he fell back on to the bed. As Jude fell on top of him, Johnny’s hands automatically went to the waistband of Jude’s jeans. As he started to unbutton them, Jude tugged off Johnny’s shirt. As soon as the shirt was off the other man, he tossed it onto the floor. Jude gently laved at Johnny’s nipples, teasing them in turn and then making his way down the other man’s chest, being egged on by the moans that escaped Johnny’s throat. Johnny arched his back, almost coming off the bed when Jude dipped his tongue into the other man’s bellybutton. Jude chuckled to himself, glad to have found one of Johnny’s buttons. Jude smirked against the other man’s soft skin as he made his way even lower. As he pulled Johnny’s pants off so that the other was completely naked, he shifted backwards so that he could admire the naked man that was lying on the bed.
“You are so beautiful.” As soon as the words left his mouth he went back to kissing every inch of Johnny’s skin that he could get near. He put both of his hands under Johnny’s knees as he spread the other man’s legs, pushing his thighs up near his chest. Johnny blushed slightly as he realized what the younger man was about to do; he had never felt so exposed before. He took a deep breath as he felt Jude dip his head and gently swipe his tongue across Johnny’s hole. Johnny moaned, he would have tried to thrust his hole as far on to Jude’s tongue as he could but Jude still had him by the underside of his knees. He had no choice but to just lie there and take it. He tossed his back on to the pillow and moaned.
Jude worked his way back up Johnny’s body. He held Johnny’s face in his hands as the other man trembled. “You are the most exquisite thing that I have ever laid eyes on. Why are you shaking?”
Johnny licked his dry lips. This was definitely not what he had pictured. This was not the way that he’d wanted it to go. He had always pictured himself as a strong and capable man. He’d figured that that if he had had sex with another man that he would be the giver not the recipient. But he knew that it was probably too late to say anything. “I guess, I’m just nervous. It has been awhile since I have had sex.”
Jude kissed Johnny’s temple. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to go slow and make it really good for you. There is no need to be nervous.” He rubbed soothing circles on the older man’s stomach in an attempt to try to get him to calm down and relax. Jude wasn’t stupid, he knew that if Johnny didn’t calm down then there was going to be a lot of unnecessary pain and discomfort and he was sure that if that was the case the chances of Johnny ever wanting to do it again would be null.
Johnny smiled. “There is no call to treat me like a virgin; I’m far from it.” Even as he spoke, his voice had a slight shake to it. He couldn’t remember the last time that he was that nervous. Come on Johnny. You have this beautiful man, willing and ready and you can’t even pull yourself together. If you keep this up, he is going to think that you are pathetic and leave. Be a man.
Jude was being very careful. He could tell that there was some sort of inner battle going on inside this man’s head. He wasn’t sure what it was about but what he did know was that he, in no way wanted to hurt this man. As he placed another gentle kiss on the crook where his neck and shoulder met. “I am not treating you like a virgin. I just want to make sure that this is what you want. I don’ want you to regret this.”
With trembling hands, Johnny cupped Jude’s face, placing a soft kiss on his lips. As Johnny massaged Jude’s lips with his own, Jude opened his mouth and their tongues were in a battle of their own. Jude reflected that Johnny tasted uniquely of coffee, liquor and his home-rolled cigarettes; he thought that all of those flavours together would be disgusting but they just seemed to work. “I’m not going to regret this, but if we are going to do this I wish we would just start already.”
Jude nodded. He knew that Johnny wasn’t trying to be rude but Johnny also wasn’t naive or stupid. He knew that this was going to hurt and he wanted to get that part over with as soon as he could. Jude carefully undressed, making sure that he was in Johnny’s line of sight. Once he was naked, he climbed back on top of the bed and covered Johnny’s shaking frame with his own. He could feel Johnny relax beneath him. As he kissed every inch of Johnny’s body that he could reach, he put two of his fingers near Johnny’s mouth. Knowing that the man always seemed to have something in his mouth; he wasn’t the least bit surprised when Johnny sucked both fingers into his mouth and begun sucking on them, much in the same manner that he would if it were Jude’s penis in his mouth.
In a matter of minutes, Jude had taken his fingers back and was now stroking Johnny’s anus with them. He was a bit taken aback when Johnny spread his legs wider, as Jude carefully worked one finger inside the older man up to the second knuckle, he had a hard time believing how incredibly tight the man was; it made his cock ache just thinking about what it would be like to be wrapped in that tight heat. “Take a deep breath.” He waited until he felt Johnny take a deep breath and then he added a second finger.
Johnny squeezed his eyes shut. This hurt a lot more than he had figured that it would. He knew that it was going to painful; but this was bad. He took a deep breath and tried to not let the panic set in. The terrifying but familiar feeling of someone on top of him (although the positioning has changed), that feeling of someone violating his body, the inner most sensitive part of him. He could feel the bile rising in the back of his throat, as he felt phantom fingers running through his hair Such a pretty little thing. It’s a good thing that you applied for this job. A finger tracing his jaw line. It always hurts the first few times. There is nothing to be worried about. Just lie on your stomach, raise your ass a bit. Good boy, now take a deep breath.
Jude immediately noticed the change in Johnny’s body language. He knew that everyone had their demons and he was determined to help Johnny work through his. He realized that he had yet to do anything to this man and here he was thinking about a long-term relationship. He knew that he was a romantic but up until that point he hadn’t realized just how bad he actually was. “Johnny, you don’t have to do this and should you decide that this is what you want, you know that we can stop at anytime. The minute you say stop, it’s over.”
Johnny had realized that he had become so lost in his own mind, lost in the memories that he’d thought that he’d forgotten long ago, that he’d let his body react to what had been going on in there instead of the ministrations of Jude. Johnny shook his head, “No, I want to do this. I just got lost in my head for a minute.”
Jude smiled. He nodded to say that he understood where Johnny was coming from and the fact that Johnny wished to continue. Jude was taken aback that despite the fact that Johnny was almost a decade older than he was, he seemed to be sexually lost; that is to say that he wasn’t as experienced as Jude thought that he would be. He knew, as he looked into Johnny’s eyes that something had happened, probably a long time ago. Whatever the unknown event was, it has shaped Johnny into the man that he was, and it still scared the daylights out of him.
“Okay, Johnny. Take a deep breath.” As he felt Johnny inhale he removed his fingers and in one swift motion had replaced them with his penis. His penis was sheathed completely inside the other man but he didn’t move. He had known that Johnny would need time to adjust to the unfamiliar feeling of something like that inside of him.
Johnny on the other hand, just lay there. His eyes screwed shut against the pain with hands twisted in the sheets; his grip was so tight that his knuckles had turned white. He bit his lip in an attempt to muffle the moan that escaped his lips. He had known that it was going to hurt and he tried every hard to keep his body loose and relaxed. He knew that to tense up now was only going to cause him pain. Once the pain seemed to level out he opened his eyes. His brown eyes met with Jude’s green ones, which were filled with concern.
Jude ran his hand down the side of the older man’s face. He sighed as he realized that Johnny was starved for attention and was grateful for any physical attention that he could get. “Are you ready?” Jude didn’t want to start if Johnny was unsure or unadjusted.
Johnny put his hands on Jude’s arms as added support as he nodded his head. Jude started very slow at first; just barely pulling out before he pushed back in. He didn’t want to hurt him or go too fast before Johnny was fully adjusted. After the third or fourth time, he felt the other man relax and start to move with him. As Jude’s pace quickened, Johnny wrapped his legs around the other man’s waist. He was matching him thrust for thrust while moaning. Johnny tilted his head back and opened his mouth in a silent moan when Jude hit his prostate for the thousandth time, Jude kissed the column of Johnny’s throat, sucking on the skin; marking the other man as his.
Jude wanted to make sure that they came together. He wanted to make sure that if Johnny never had sex with another man that this was the one good experience that he remembered. “I’m going to come. Are you going to come?” Before Johnny could find his voice to say anything, Jude felt him clamp down on his penis as he came, the action causing Jude to come. For Johnny the whole world seemed to stand still during his climax, he felt silly as the thought hit his mind.
Jude very carefully slid himself out of the older man. He knew what was going to happen next, he knew that it was inevitable and that he would say anything that needed to be said or do what needed to be done; just anything that would make the older man feel safe and know that he was a total asshole. He cradled the other man in his arms as he waited for his breathing to slow down.
Johnny, for reasons that he could not explain and probably didn’t want to have to, buried his face in Jude’s shoulder and cried. He didn’t know why he was crying but once he started he couldn’t stop. It wasn’t like Jude had been the first man that he had ever slept with and wasn’t as if having sex with Jude had been bad. He hated himself for being so weak and pathetic. He took a deep breath and forced himself to let go of Jude. He cleared his throat and began to slowly sit up.
As soon as he was sure that he would be able to stand without falling over and making a bigger fool of himself then he already had, he stood up and started to pull his clothes back on. Jude put his hand on Johnny’s arm to get the other man’s attention. “Johnny, is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
Johnny gave him the best smile that he could manage, even though he felt himself breaking inside. “No. I was the fun ride. I know the way that this works. Let’s not make this any harder than it already is. So, I am going to make this less awkward and just leave.” Before Jude could say another word, Johnny left the room.
***
Johnny sat in the dark of his hotel room, letting the quiet and darkness pretty much swallow him whole. He sat on the floor, the only light in the room was coming from his cigarette as he chain smoked what was left of his pack and drank from an almost full bottle of Jack Daniels. He had allowed himself to be used…again. He ran a hand through his hair and he tried to calm himself down.
He picked up his cell phone, he knew that he should talk to someone but at that point he didn’t really think that anyone would get it and if they did, he doubted that they would have cared. They were too many voices in his head, too many phantom fingers on his skin, he felt dirty. He was close to calling Peter, he and Peter DeLuise hadn’t talked in years but he knew that Peter was someone that he could always count on. He put the phone down when there was a knock on his door. As he opened the door, the last person that he had expected to see was Jude.
Jude stood on the other side of the door, an expression of worry on his face. He had been in this business long enough to know that everyone had their problems and that not everyone was the caring and sharing type. He knew that the likelihood of Johnny opening up and telling him what the problem had been was unlikely, that wasn’t something that happened after one night together but he had to make sure that he knew that he understood and that he didn’t really expect an explanation. If Jude was honest with himself he didn’t really want to know what was wrong with him, they hadn’t known each other long enough for that. He just needed Johnny to know that he understood and that it was alright if Johnny wanted to hide.
“May I come in?” Jude chewed on his bottom lip nervously.
Johnny politely stepped aside and gestured to the darkened room, “be my guest.”
“Thank you,” Jude replied as he stepped into the room and waited for Johnny to close the door. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You seemed a little upset when you left and I wanted to make myself clear. I didn’t hit on you and have sex with you because I wanted to use you. I think that you are one of the most beautiful men that I have ever met. I know that sounds like a really cheesy line out of a low budget film but it is the truth. I know that as an actor you have probably been taken advantage of, I know what that is like and I also know that if you don’t get a handle on it; it can tear you apart. So, I come here with a suggestion. I am not saying that I want to hear your life story or that you even have to talk to me about it, but you ever want someone to drink with or even just to sit with; I am not opposed to the idea.”
For a minute, Johnny seemed unsure as to what he should say. He took a final drag from his cigarette and it seemed to Jude that he suddenly seemed absolutely exhausted, put the cigarette out in the nearby ashtray. “So, we’re okay?” Jude nodded and Johnny placed a soft, gentle kiss on the side of his neck, inhaling his scent as he did so. “Can you lie down with me then?”
Jude crossed the room, removed his shoes and lay on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Johnny crawled into the bed, all but falling into the softness of the mattress. Jude cradled the other man in his arms as Johnny settled so that he was comfortable in Jude’s embrace with his head resting under Jude’s chin. Jude had lain awake for quite sometime, this was not at all the sort of thing that he had imagined when he had agreed to do the job, but as he rubbed slow circles on Johnny’s back he was glad that he did.
The End
***
Johnny on the other hand was sure that this was going to be the shortest and easy film stint that he had done yet. He was doing it as a favour to Terry Gilliam. Heath was dead, and they needed a Tony..three Tony’s to be exact. He knew that within the next couple of hours, he would be expected to go down to the main hall of the hotel to meet the other two Tony’s, all of the regular actors and to honour Heath.
He stepped in front of the full-length mirror that adorned the wall near the bed. Taking one final drag off his cigarette and drinking the swallow of Whisky that was left in the glass he stared at his reflection. His dark hair was down and curling ever so slightly, his eyes looked dark and haunted. He grabbed an elastic from the tabletop and swept his hair into a ponytail. He was hoping that he could do this quickly without too much trouble. He took a deep breath and walked out of his room.
***
Jude was standing next to Colin as they politely chatted. They really had nothing in common but Jude would have thought that he was rude if he hadn’t said something to the other man, aside from the initial hello. And out of the corner of his eye he managed to catch a glimpse of the man that had held him captivated from the very first time he had seen him. He wasn’t even sure what it was about this man that he had found so alluring. As far as being attracted to men went, Jude was never shy. He didn’t think that there was anything wrong with being able to admire a man; the male body was after all, gorgeous. That being said he had never been attracted to men, never fantasized about them or wondered what it would have been like to be with one. But this one was different; he seemed almost otherworldly, in a way that none other had ever been.
Johnny wasn’t stupid; he knew when he was being stared at. Such a pretty little thing a voice that he had all but forgotten echoed in his head. He took a deep breath, shook his head slightly, causing some of his hair to fall out of his ponytail and made his way to where Terry was. Right now, Terry was his safety blanket, and he supposed that Terry probably already knew that.
Terry smiled as he saw the younger man approach him. Despite the fact he hadn’t seen Johnny in years, he had recognized him right away. It was the mysteriousness of his eyes, the way that he walked, the way he fidgeted with anything that he could get his hands on. He chuckled; all these years and he was still uncomfortable in his own skin. He briefly wondered what sort of atrocity would have to happen for a man to be so insecure for so long. He quickly dismissed it as not any of his business. He hugged the young man, as he got closer. “Johnny, I am so glad that you could make it.”
As Johnny hugged him, his eyebrows furled in confusion. “Of course I am here. You called, said that you needed me for this project and I dropped everything to make sure that this film gets made.” Johnny finally released him from their embrace, glad that he had had that shot of Whisky before coming down. When Terry had said that there would be a small gathering of friends, what he should have said was that there would be a small herd of people that you don’t know there, and that you will feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. With a curt nod of his head he found a nice corner to sit in, he sat in the chair and fished a cigarette out of his pocket. This was going to be a really long night.
Colin had spied the older man, sitting by himself smoking and looking anxiously at the door. Colin smiled to himself and tapped Jude on the shoulder. “I know that you said that he was too old for you but he is sitting by himself and looking like he could bolt at any minute. I suggest you go over there and play nice.” Jude smacked Colin lightly on his shoulder. He knew that he was right but he also knew that hitting on the man now was crass, they were supposed to be here to celebrate the life of their now deceased friend. But he knew that if he didn’t do this now, he would never get the chance again.
He stood by the table. “Excuse me, may I sit down?”
Johnny took a deep drag from his cigarette, he wanted nothing more then to get out of that room but he also knew that to suddenly excuse himself now and leave would seem rude. He gestured towards one of the empty chairs, “Be my guest.”
Jude sat, extending his hand to the older man. “Jude Law.” As he spoke he took a cigarette out from his pocket, smoothing the paper between his fingers before he pushed the cigarette between his lips.
Johnny shook his hand, strongly and quickly like his father had taught him. Then without waiting to be asked he took his lighter and held it up to the end of the other man’s cigarette. Once, years ago he was sure, he had met someone in an elevator. He had been smoking, all dark curls and enormous green eyes and he had spoken with an unusual accent, but that wasn’t important. What had been was what the man had said. As this man stood in the elevator, puffing on his cigarette, he had told Johnny that anytime there was a man smoking a cigarette it was because what he really wanted to do was suck on a cock. Johnny had no explanation for why he had remembered that all of a sudden.
Realizing that he was staring at the other man and that he still had yet to introduce himself he killed the last of his cigarette. He knew that was no excuse for being rude but he hoped that it was at least reasonable as far as Jude was concerned, “Johnny Depp.” As he spoke he took the lighter out of his pocket and lit Jude’s cigarette. He seemed mesmerized by the older man. The way that he held his cigarette when it wasn’t being held in his mouth by his perfect lips, the way he held the glass that contained his Brandy or the way his voice seemed mellow and perfect, something that Johnny could listen to for hours.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, even if it is under such dismal circumstances.” Jude inhaled deeply as he spoke. He felt as if there was more that he should be saying but for the life of him he couldn’t think of a single thing, so he sat there; feeling like an idiot.
“The pleasure is all mine.” Johnny finished lamely wanting to get out of the room. As far as he was concerned he had fulfilled his end of the deal. He had told Terry that he would be there to help with the film and he was, he had told him that he would be there for the get-together, and he had been. He never said anything about staying through the whole thing and he was pretty sure that Terry wouldn’t notice if he ducked out early. Even if he did, he could handle Terry. He could see staying if he was being paid for this movie but they (Colin, Jude and himself) had agreed that all of the money would be going into a savings fund for the deceased’s daughter. “I would love to stay here and talk with you some more, but honestly I find these things boring. So I am going back to my hotel room, it was nice to meet you.”
Jude knew that he had screwed this up. He drained his glass and watched as the gorgeous man got up, bowed slightly and made his way to the door. At that point Colin approached Jude and clapped his hand on his shoulder. “Are you just going to watch your crush walk out the door or are you going to do something about it?”
Jude sighed and took a deep breath. “What am I supposed to do?’
Colin sighed and sat where Johnny had been. “You go out there. You offer to walk to him to his hotel room…and then use your imagination for the rest. If you want this to go to your way, you better get off your arse.”
Jude nodded. He knew that Colin was absolutely right. If this was going to happen, then it would have to happen now. He got up from his chair and all but ran into the hallway. He knew that the likelihood of him catching Johnny was slim to none; he wasted too much time with Colin and the vision had slipped through his fingers like too much sand at a beach. He was caught off guard and incredibly surprised when he entered the hallway and found Johnny leaning up against the wall, ankles crossed as he smoked a cigarette.
“Jude?” The surprise that Johnny felt was in his voice and etched on his face. He knew that there was a pretty good chance that he could have just been in the hallway, to catch the elevator. But he also knew that in order to do this, one did not stop near an unmarked door and directly in front of someone that they had only just met mere minutes earlier.
Jude was nervous. He had shoved his hands into his pockets so that Johnny wouldn’t know that they were shaking. He had to mentally remind himself to breathe and he tried not to stare too intensely at the dark, brown orbs that seem to hold all the secrets of the world and yet seem to tell nothing at all. “I just thought maybe you would like some company as you walked back to your hotel room.”
Johnny smiled as he put out his cigarette and placed the butt in the metal container that was screwed to the wall. “I would enjoy the company.” Jude nodded and the two of them walked towards the elevator together.
*
They were standing outside of Johnny’s hotel room door. Jude knew that he should bid the man good night. There were a dozen other thoughts running through his head at the moment and none of them were good. Johnny on the other hand, knew that when you were handed a gift, you accepted it graciously and you never took it for granted. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”
Jude smiled. “That would be lovely.” Jude took that opportunity to lightly squeeze Johnny’s hand. He had no idea what the other man’s reaction would be but he knew that in the worse case scenario Johnny would tell him that his affections were not returned. The best-case scenario was that he was going to get laid before the night was over. As Jude squeezed his hand, Johnny leaned forward so that his nose was at level with Jude’s neck, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jude smelled like brandy, cigarettes and some odd spice. It was in perfect harmony with the rest of him and Johnny was instantly addicted.
Jude thought that this was a bit of an odd thing to do but at the same time thought that perhaps it was best if he didn’t say anything. He figured that it was probably in his best interest to take Colin’s advice and just let things go the way that they did. He didn’t want to move too fast or risk making the gorgeous creature that he was currently with regret inviting him up. What he had been unprepared for was when Johnny shut the door, slammed him up against it and kissed from his ear, all the way down his neck. He made sure that he hit that spot just below Jude’s ear. Jude could feel his toes curl inside his shoes. If Johnny kept up with that he was going to have him out of his pants in no time.
“Johnny?” Jude breathed heavily as he tried to very hard to compose himself.
Johnny looked at him, head tilted to one side with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “Yes Jude?”
“I recommend that you not do that again. I can’t be held responsible for what would happen to you if you did.” Jude wasn’t meaning to sound patronizing or like he disapproved of what Johnny had done. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Johnny had closed the gap that he had created between them and sucked and licked on the spot that Jude had just finished telling him not to touch and Jude couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped his lips.
“I think that if we are going to continue this, we should move to the bedroom.” Johnny held his breath. Jude was the most exquisite thing that he had ever laid eyes on. And to think that he was here with him now, the whole thing made him feel slightly dizzy. Jude was slightly frazzled when a look of uncertainty came over Johnny’s dark brown eyes, like a dark thundercloud. “That is only if you want to.”
Jude leaned up so that he was pressed up against the older man. He wanted to make sure that there was absolutely no doubt in Johnny’s mind that he wanted to be where he was. And that he wanted this to happen and that his hand hasn’t been swayed or pushed into doing whatever. He briefly wondered what could have happened that would take a man like Johnny, one so confident, so sure of himself and knock him down so completely that he would be so shy and unsure. If Jude didn’t know any better he would have thought that they were two totally different men. He grabbed Johnny’s hand, intertwining his fingers with Johnny’s slender, if not slightly stained ones.
Johnny smiled. He gave Jude’s hand a light squeeze as he led him to the bedroom. This wasn’t exactly the way that he had pictured that things would go down but at the same time Jude was so perfect that he would take whatever he could get. Once inside the room, he turned on one of the low lights. No point in making it too bright and scaring him off.
Johnny may have been shy about the way that things were going but Jude was not. He knew exactly what he wanted and how he was going to get it. Once he was inside the bedroom, he wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist and pushed him backwards towards the bed as he attacked his mouth with his own. He ran his tongue along Johnny’s bottom lip and wasn’t surprised when Johnny willingly opened his mouth and allowed Jude to explore the inside of his mouth with his tongue. Johnny moaned into Jude’s mouth as he fell back on to the bed. As Jude fell on top of him, Johnny’s hands automatically went to the waistband of Jude’s jeans. As he started to unbutton them, Jude tugged off Johnny’s shirt. As soon as the shirt was off the other man, he tossed it onto the floor. Jude gently laved at Johnny’s nipples, teasing them in turn and then making his way down the other man’s chest, being egged on by the moans that escaped Johnny’s throat. Johnny arched his back, almost coming off the bed when Jude dipped his tongue into the other man’s bellybutton. Jude chuckled to himself, glad to have found one of Johnny’s buttons. Jude smirked against the other man’s soft skin as he made his way even lower. As he pulled Johnny’s pants off so that the other was completely naked, he shifted backwards so that he could admire the naked man that was lying on the bed.
“You are so beautiful.” As soon as the words left his mouth he went back to kissing every inch of Johnny’s skin that he could get near. He put both of his hands under Johnny’s knees as he spread the other man’s legs, pushing his thighs up near his chest. Johnny blushed slightly as he realized what the younger man was about to do; he had never felt so exposed before. He took a deep breath as he felt Jude dip his head and gently swipe his tongue across Johnny’s hole. Johnny moaned, he would have tried to thrust his hole as far on to Jude’s tongue as he could but Jude still had him by the underside of his knees. He had no choice but to just lie there and take it. He tossed his back on to the pillow and moaned.
Jude worked his way back up Johnny’s body. He held Johnny’s face in his hands as the other man trembled. “You are the most exquisite thing that I have ever laid eyes on. Why are you shaking?”
Johnny licked his dry lips. This was definitely not what he had pictured. This was not the way that he’d wanted it to go. He had always pictured himself as a strong and capable man. He’d figured that that if he had had sex with another man that he would be the giver not the recipient. But he knew that it was probably too late to say anything. “I guess, I’m just nervous. It has been awhile since I have had sex.”
Jude kissed Johnny’s temple. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to go slow and make it really good for you. There is no need to be nervous.” He rubbed soothing circles on the older man’s stomach in an attempt to try to get him to calm down and relax. Jude wasn’t stupid, he knew that if Johnny didn’t calm down then there was going to be a lot of unnecessary pain and discomfort and he was sure that if that was the case the chances of Johnny ever wanting to do it again would be null.
Johnny smiled. “There is no call to treat me like a virgin; I’m far from it.” Even as he spoke, his voice had a slight shake to it. He couldn’t remember the last time that he was that nervous. Come on Johnny. You have this beautiful man, willing and ready and you can’t even pull yourself together. If you keep this up, he is going to think that you are pathetic and leave. Be a man.
Jude was being very careful. He could tell that there was some sort of inner battle going on inside this man’s head. He wasn’t sure what it was about but what he did know was that he, in no way wanted to hurt this man. As he placed another gentle kiss on the crook where his neck and shoulder met. “I am not treating you like a virgin. I just want to make sure that this is what you want. I don’ want you to regret this.”
With trembling hands, Johnny cupped Jude’s face, placing a soft kiss on his lips. As Johnny massaged Jude’s lips with his own, Jude opened his mouth and their tongues were in a battle of their own. Jude reflected that Johnny tasted uniquely of coffee, liquor and his home-rolled cigarettes; he thought that all of those flavours together would be disgusting but they just seemed to work. “I’m not going to regret this, but if we are going to do this I wish we would just start already.”
Jude nodded. He knew that Johnny wasn’t trying to be rude but Johnny also wasn’t naive or stupid. He knew that this was going to hurt and he wanted to get that part over with as soon as he could. Jude carefully undressed, making sure that he was in Johnny’s line of sight. Once he was naked, he climbed back on top of the bed and covered Johnny’s shaking frame with his own. He could feel Johnny relax beneath him. As he kissed every inch of Johnny’s body that he could reach, he put two of his fingers near Johnny’s mouth. Knowing that the man always seemed to have something in his mouth; he wasn’t the least bit surprised when Johnny sucked both fingers into his mouth and begun sucking on them, much in the same manner that he would if it were Jude’s penis in his mouth.
In a matter of minutes, Jude had taken his fingers back and was now stroking Johnny’s anus with them. He was a bit taken aback when Johnny spread his legs wider, as Jude carefully worked one finger inside the older man up to the second knuckle, he had a hard time believing how incredibly tight the man was; it made his cock ache just thinking about what it would be like to be wrapped in that tight heat. “Take a deep breath.” He waited until he felt Johnny take a deep breath and then he added a second finger.
Johnny squeezed his eyes shut. This hurt a lot more than he had figured that it would. He knew that it was going to painful; but this was bad. He took a deep breath and tried to not let the panic set in. The terrifying but familiar feeling of someone on top of him (although the positioning has changed), that feeling of someone violating his body, the inner most sensitive part of him. He could feel the bile rising in the back of his throat, as he felt phantom fingers running through his hair Such a pretty little thing. It’s a good thing that you applied for this job. A finger tracing his jaw line. It always hurts the first few times. There is nothing to be worried about. Just lie on your stomach, raise your ass a bit. Good boy, now take a deep breath.
Jude immediately noticed the change in Johnny’s body language. He knew that everyone had their demons and he was determined to help Johnny work through his. He realized that he had yet to do anything to this man and here he was thinking about a long-term relationship. He knew that he was a romantic but up until that point he hadn’t realized just how bad he actually was. “Johnny, you don’t have to do this and should you decide that this is what you want, you know that we can stop at anytime. The minute you say stop, it’s over.”
Johnny had realized that he had become so lost in his own mind, lost in the memories that he’d thought that he’d forgotten long ago, that he’d let his body react to what had been going on in there instead of the ministrations of Jude. Johnny shook his head, “No, I want to do this. I just got lost in my head for a minute.”
Jude smiled. He nodded to say that he understood where Johnny was coming from and the fact that Johnny wished to continue. Jude was taken aback that despite the fact that Johnny was almost a decade older than he was, he seemed to be sexually lost; that is to say that he wasn’t as experienced as Jude thought that he would be. He knew, as he looked into Johnny’s eyes that something had happened, probably a long time ago. Whatever the unknown event was, it has shaped Johnny into the man that he was, and it still scared the daylights out of him.
“Okay, Johnny. Take a deep breath.” As he felt Johnny inhale he removed his fingers and in one swift motion had replaced them with his penis. His penis was sheathed completely inside the other man but he didn’t move. He had known that Johnny would need time to adjust to the unfamiliar feeling of something like that inside of him.
Johnny on the other hand, just lay there. His eyes screwed shut against the pain with hands twisted in the sheets; his grip was so tight that his knuckles had turned white. He bit his lip in an attempt to muffle the moan that escaped his lips. He had known that it was going to hurt and he tried every hard to keep his body loose and relaxed. He knew that to tense up now was only going to cause him pain. Once the pain seemed to level out he opened his eyes. His brown eyes met with Jude’s green ones, which were filled with concern.
Jude ran his hand down the side of the older man’s face. He sighed as he realized that Johnny was starved for attention and was grateful for any physical attention that he could get. “Are you ready?” Jude didn’t want to start if Johnny was unsure or unadjusted.
Johnny put his hands on Jude’s arms as added support as he nodded his head. Jude started very slow at first; just barely pulling out before he pushed back in. He didn’t want to hurt him or go too fast before Johnny was fully adjusted. After the third or fourth time, he felt the other man relax and start to move with him. As Jude’s pace quickened, Johnny wrapped his legs around the other man’s waist. He was matching him thrust for thrust while moaning. Johnny tilted his head back and opened his mouth in a silent moan when Jude hit his prostate for the thousandth time, Jude kissed the column of Johnny’s throat, sucking on the skin; marking the other man as his.
Jude wanted to make sure that they came together. He wanted to make sure that if Johnny never had sex with another man that this was the one good experience that he remembered. “I’m going to come. Are you going to come?” Before Johnny could find his voice to say anything, Jude felt him clamp down on his penis as he came, the action causing Jude to come. For Johnny the whole world seemed to stand still during his climax, he felt silly as the thought hit his mind.
Jude very carefully slid himself out of the older man. He knew what was going to happen next, he knew that it was inevitable and that he would say anything that needed to be said or do what needed to be done; just anything that would make the older man feel safe and know that he was a total asshole. He cradled the other man in his arms as he waited for his breathing to slow down.
Johnny, for reasons that he could not explain and probably didn’t want to have to, buried his face in Jude’s shoulder and cried. He didn’t know why he was crying but once he started he couldn’t stop. It wasn’t like Jude had been the first man that he had ever slept with and wasn’t as if having sex with Jude had been bad. He hated himself for being so weak and pathetic. He took a deep breath and forced himself to let go of Jude. He cleared his throat and began to slowly sit up.
As soon as he was sure that he would be able to stand without falling over and making a bigger fool of himself then he already had, he stood up and started to pull his clothes back on. Jude put his hand on Johnny’s arm to get the other man’s attention. “Johnny, is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
Johnny gave him the best smile that he could manage, even though he felt himself breaking inside. “No. I was the fun ride. I know the way that this works. Let’s not make this any harder than it already is. So, I am going to make this less awkward and just leave.” Before Jude could say another word, Johnny left the room.
***
Johnny sat in the dark of his hotel room, letting the quiet and darkness pretty much swallow him whole. He sat on the floor, the only light in the room was coming from his cigarette as he chain smoked what was left of his pack and drank from an almost full bottle of Jack Daniels. He had allowed himself to be used…again. He ran a hand through his hair and he tried to calm himself down.
He picked up his cell phone, he knew that he should talk to someone but at that point he didn’t really think that anyone would get it and if they did, he doubted that they would have cared. They were too many voices in his head, too many phantom fingers on his skin, he felt dirty. He was close to calling Peter, he and Peter DeLuise hadn’t talked in years but he knew that Peter was someone that he could always count on. He put the phone down when there was a knock on his door. As he opened the door, the last person that he had expected to see was Jude.
Jude stood on the other side of the door, an expression of worry on his face. He had been in this business long enough to know that everyone had their problems and that not everyone was the caring and sharing type. He knew that the likelihood of Johnny opening up and telling him what the problem had been was unlikely, that wasn’t something that happened after one night together but he had to make sure that he knew that he understood and that he didn’t really expect an explanation. If Jude was honest with himself he didn’t really want to know what was wrong with him, they hadn’t known each other long enough for that. He just needed Johnny to know that he understood and that it was alright if Johnny wanted to hide.
“May I come in?” Jude chewed on his bottom lip nervously.
Johnny politely stepped aside and gestured to the darkened room, “be my guest.”
“Thank you,” Jude replied as he stepped into the room and waited for Johnny to close the door. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You seemed a little upset when you left and I wanted to make myself clear. I didn’t hit on you and have sex with you because I wanted to use you. I think that you are one of the most beautiful men that I have ever met. I know that sounds like a really cheesy line out of a low budget film but it is the truth. I know that as an actor you have probably been taken advantage of, I know what that is like and I also know that if you don’t get a handle on it; it can tear you apart. So, I come here with a suggestion. I am not saying that I want to hear your life story or that you even have to talk to me about it, but you ever want someone to drink with or even just to sit with; I am not opposed to the idea.”
For a minute, Johnny seemed unsure as to what he should say. He took a final drag from his cigarette and it seemed to Jude that he suddenly seemed absolutely exhausted, put the cigarette out in the nearby ashtray. “So, we’re okay?” Jude nodded and Johnny placed a soft, gentle kiss on the side of his neck, inhaling his scent as he did so. “Can you lie down with me then?”
Jude crossed the room, removed his shoes and lay on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Johnny crawled into the bed, all but falling into the softness of the mattress. Jude cradled the other man in his arms as Johnny settled so that he was comfortable in Jude’s embrace with his head resting under Jude’s chin. Jude had lain awake for quite sometime, this was not at all the sort of thing that he had imagined when he had agreed to do the job, but as he rubbed slow circles on Johnny’s back he was glad that he did.
The End
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