FicWad

~Dan~

Phil seemed really put out the next morning.
He was quite pleasant to Viola, but there was some sadness in his distant eyes that saw right through me, that glazed over every time our eyes met.
After Viola left for the toilet, sensing the freezing awkwardness, and I leant over the breakfast bar to talk to him.
“Phil, you haven’t spoken to me since last night. What’s wrong?”
He stared back at me, resigned but almost defiant, his eyes cold, and spoke in a whisper.
“I don’t know how to tell you,”
then he stood up, and walked to his room. I slumped, defeated, in my chair, before walking to mine and Viola’s room, and sat on my deserted bed, thinking.
What had I done to upset him?
I had never seen him like this; he was always happy and bouncy and cheered me up just by being there.
Honestly, it scared me to not know what was happening behind his now icy blue eyes.
Viola came out of the bathroom, sitting next to me, face concerned as she caught sight of my troubled expression.
“What’s wrong, Dan?” she asked.
“Nothing, it’s just Phil’s time of the month,” I smile weakly.
She reached over to kiss me softly on the cheek. “I think it’s time you introduce me,”
“Oh, sure,” I lean over to kiss her briefly, before standing up to set up the camera.
“Are you improvising, or are your OCD behaviours setting in?”
“I think I’m just going to talk to the camera. This is completely new to me,”
I set her up just out of view of the camera, before pressing the button with almost shaking fingers.
“Hey guys,” I smile, waving my hand quickly. “So today, I am going to do something suicidal and reckless, and I’m just going to talk. Now, it’s time for me to introduce you to someone new. This is my female danosaur friend, or as normal people would call them, my girlfriend. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Oh my god, Dan has a girlfriend?’ I know, I’m as surprised as you are, so please welcome Viola to the stage,” I smile, using big sweeping motions to describe my surprise.
Viola sits down next to me, and smiles awkwardly at the camera.
“Hello, new friends,” she smiles.
“So, now that I have a social life, I think that now’s a good time to open some champagne!”
“We have no champagne,” she says
“…Awkward…”
“Yes,”

“Oh god, that was terrifying!” Viola giggles afterwards.
“You were great! You hardly sounded psychotic,”
“Piss off,” she smiles, rolling her eyes.
“Now I have one more question,”
“What?”
“Make more food? Please?”
“Bit late, don’t you think? It’s like ten,”
“But you can cook!”
“Keep it coming,”
“Look, please?” I give her my puppy dog eyes, and I know she can’t resist.
“Fine,” she groans, exasperated, and I silently punch the air.
“Phil, do you want some food?” She calls out.
“No,” comes the blunt reply.
She sighs and starts gathering ingredients.
He really didn’t seem to like her.
“Hey, Dan, where’s the good knife gone?”
“I don’t know,” I reply.

~Phil~

The knife rested against my arm, ready to make a slice, sharp edge glinting in the moonlight. I tried to move, to flick my wrist at least, but my hand was frozen.
This was my last resort.
At least I wasn’t drinking or getting high, because I needed a clear head, I needed to think, and that kind of thing just took away memories.
This helped in a way that alcohol and drugs didn’t, cleared your mind even.
I didn’t need Dan or Viola, they could live without me.
I could just do one cut, one vertical drag down my wrist, end it all, leave everything behind me, leave Dan forever.
But something else in my heart snapped clean when I thought of leaving Dan, something just screamed out “NO”, and I knew I had to stay.
Not just because of my own selfish reasons, but because I knew that even if Dan didn’t love me, he was still my best mate. I still meant something to him.
Even if I didn’t mean more than Viola.
The thought pushes me over the edge, and my hand moves by instinct, ripping viciously through the thin layers of skin, and I flinch at the non-existent pain, leaving another two on my arm before I chuck the knife away, tears spilling out, the blood welling over.
Why didn’t it hurt?
Why didn’t it fucking hurt.

I lie in my bed, a hopeless feeling coursing through my body, the cuts from earlier still throbbing in numbing agony.
They’re laughing and I can hear that they’re watching Harry Potter, I can almost hear the kisses and I hear their sobs as well.
Would you like to watch Harry Potter with us, Phil?
Of course I would, because it’s not like I don’t exist.
I hate how they excluded me completely just because I wasn’t hungry after we’d had dinner, because I still lived here.
It was childish of me, but I couldn’t help it.
But I had to stop being a snow demon to them, I mean, I wasn’t being the most fun person to socialise with at the moment.
I had to shove aside being selfish and needy for now, and I had to do things to make Viola and Dan happy, they were more important after all.
But three in the morning is too early to be fun and happy, I needed sleep.