Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Inside Of You
I was nervously sitting on Brendon’s bed, my wrist awkwardly raised to avoid pressure… when the doorbell rang through the house. I quickly pulled his blanket over me just in case. What if he invited friends over or something? He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that! I knew he’d do whatever he wanted to do though, and that was somewhat frightening.
I heard footsteps- and the smell of food reached my nose, causing my stomach to rumble. I was hungry, though I hadn’t realized it until that moment.
The door opened and much to my relief Brendon came in alone, carrying a pizza box. “Food?” He offered. “It’s Hawaiian. “
I shrugged, “I’d rather go home and eat.”
“You can go home tomorrow.” Brendon replied, “Tonight we have things to go over together.”
“Brendon, you can’t call all of the shots.”
“That’s the point of the game Ms. Taylor.” Brendon replied, openly staring at me as if I were stupid.
I crossed my arms over my chest, just as my stomach loudly protested the lack of food. Brendon smirked, “Eat.”
“No.”
“Eat.” His tone changed, and I automatically reached out for a piece of pizza with the hand that wasn’t forced against his bed post.
Brendon smiled, “Good girl.” Bite me.
We sat in silence for a few minutes but then Brendon left the room again. I didn’t say anything, instead reaching for another piece of pizza. I was hungry. I was eating because I wanted to eat, not because he told me to eat.
Or so I’d keep telling myself.
Brendon returned quickly.
“What is that?” I gazed at the papers in his hand.
He handed them to me.
I felt like I didn’t really want to read them. “What is it?” I asked, before reading.
I was nervous.
What other surprises would he have in store for me?
“It’s just a list of rules.” Brendon replied casually, “Subject to change of course.”
“Of course.” I replied, rolling my eyes.
Brendon just grabbed another piece of pizza, gazing at me impassively as I started reading over the typed up list.
How many times had he done this?
1. Submissive will remove clothing when alone with Dominant (or wear specified clothing depending on situation)- in a reasonable environment.
Reasonable? I didn’t know that word was in Brendon’s vocabulary. Brendon watched me curiously but I said nothing, continuing to read on.
2. The slave or submissive will wear and gratefully accept any toys the Master/ Mistress chooses to insert or adorn her or him with while cleaning or in any other circumstance.
“Toys?” I muttered the word out loud.
Brendon shrugged, “Plugs- clamps, you know.”
“No.” I looked at him confused, “I don’t know actually.”
“We will discuss it as necessary.” Brendon replied, “I realize that you aren’t fully educated on the subject so it will be a slow process.”
I didn’t like to think of it as me being uneducated, more as uninterested. I continued reading, finding myself strangely fascinated.
3. The slave will not speak unless spoken to and may request an opportunity to speak if there is something pressing to discuss during those periods of time when the Master/ Mistress commands silence.
Back to the whole silence thing… I could handle that. I didn’t really feel like talking to Brendon anyway.
4. The slave does not sleep with the Master/ Mistress unless it is the express wish of the owner and then this must be seen as a privilege. It can be taken away as a form of punishment.
“So, I won’t always be sleeping with you?” I was confused by that, seeing as how he seemed to want me to stay tonight. Maybe it was just a one night thing, that wouldn’t be so bad.
Brendon shrugged, “It’s a privilege.”
I didn’t really know how to respond so I didn’t.
5. The slave will keep their eyes averted unless it is the wish of the Master/ Mistress to have their slave look them in the eyes.
Awkward.
“Um.” I licked my lips nervously.
“Yes?” I glanced up at Brendon to see him staring at me.
Goosebumps arose upon my skin instantly. It was such a strange reaction.
“I can’t look you in the eyes?” I don’t know why but that seemed so cold… and I really didn’t like it.
“Unless I tell you to.” Brendon replied.
“Why not?”
“It’s about respect.” Brendon answered.
“I don’t like it.” I whispered honestly.
“Why not?” Brendon seemed surprised.
“It makes me feel like less of a person.” It was weird how such a small ‘right’ was such a big deal. I hadn’t even realized it before now- I found control in the ability to gaze in to another person’s eyes. It gave away how they were feeling, and with Brendon I could probably use the heads up.
“Hmm.” Brendon stared at me, a thoughtful expression upon his face. “Kiss me.”
I was surprised by the demand but I didn’t question it as I leaned forward, to the best of my ability. Brendon closed the distance. I gently pressed my lips against his, kissing him lightly upon the lips.
Brendon pulled away, “Good girl.” He licked his lips, “We can ignore that rule for now, unless you’re bad.”
I was surprised that he was so willing to allow me what I wanted. Maybe this really wouldn’t be so bad. “Er, thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Brendon smiled, “Keep reading. We need to get through these tonight.”
6. The slave will address the Master/ Mistress not by their first name, but by the title preferred by that dominant.
I already knew that. Brendon preferred I call him ‘Sir’- it was something to get used to but it wasn’t that terrible.
7. A slave will greet visitors in whatever way the Master/ Mistress commands - this may include just taking coats and putting them away, kissing the hand of the guest or kneeling in front of them.
“Visitors?” I paled, thinking over the prospect of playing this game in front of other people.
Brendon nodded, “It will only ever be close friends and I promise you’ll be completely safe.”
“And they won’t tell anyone?” How could he be so sure?
“You’re going to have to trust me.” Brendon responded, “Trust plays big in this Christian. You’ll learn to accept that eventually.”
My stomach was in knots at the thought but I’d have to deal with it when the situation arose. There was no point in useless arguing. I was tired, and I still had more to go over- and I was sure I wouldn’t agree with any of them.
8. A slave must always ask permission before using the bathroom or taking a shower.
“Uh, always?” I awkwardly gazed at rule # 8.
Brendon looked over, and I pointed at what I was reading.
He nodded, “Control Christian.”
Another thing I didn’t like, who would’ve thought?
9. The bathroom door may never be closed in private, as a slave has no right to privacy.
“I object.” I glared at Brendon, “I’m not going to leave the bathroom door open, ever.”
Brendon glared back at me, “Why don’t you rephrase that and we’ll see what we can do?”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. This was difficult. I was negotiating the terms of my life! … and I was a terrible negotiator. “Please Brendon. That’s embarrassing.” I lowered my eyes, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes as we discussed this certain rule.
“Why is it embarrassing?” Brendon asked, as if he really didn’t know.
“Just please?”
Brendon sighed heavily, annoyed. He took a pen from his top drawer and put a mark next to the rule. “We can discuss it at a later time. We still need to finish going over everything else. I will take in to account everything you strongly object to.”
Again, surprising.
10. The slave must accept it calmly when the owner decides that a bathroom break will not be allowed at that very moment.
I started to speak but Brendon leaned over, crossing out rule # 10. “I don’t agree with it either.” He said, before I could try to figure out what to say.
Well, that was good.
11. A slave must take correction gracefully and maintain a grateful presence around the house after the fact.
Brendon snorted, “That one will be hard for you.”
I didn’t say anything as I continued reading.
12. A slave must confess to disobedience and take responsibility even when the dominant is not present and beg for punishment and or discipline.
“So I have to tattle on myself?” That sounded stupid.
“Yes, because if I find out from someone else… things could get ugly.” Brendon answered.
“This relationship is abusive.” I blurted out, glaring at him.
Brendon chuckled, “I won’t abuse you if you’re good.”
Yeah, I probably had a 911 call in my future.
13. The slave must be available for sexual service whenever the dominant or his guests require it.
“Brendon!” I shoved the piece of paper at his face, my finger under rule # 13.
“What?” He innocently gazed at me, “Again, just close friends.”
“You plan to let other people just… use me?” I was appalled.
“Well, it’s not like this is love or something.” Brendon replied.
I felt sick.
14. The slave must always be ready for any form of sexual service, which would mean that her or his body must be prepared in order to make it easy for the dominant or guests to use him or her.
Brendon had moved so that he could read over my shoulder, “Meaning you’ll be wearing skirts from now on. You don’t need underwear; then again it seems you don’t wear any anyway.”
Ouch.
15. The slave will not be allowed to have an orgasm without permission.
“Honestly, I don’t know how to not have one.” I blushed.
Brendon grinned, “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you.”
He lovingly caressed my cheek. I nearly gagged.
16. The slave will shave any body hair and maintain this at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishment.
17. The slave will be clean and pleasant to all the senses at all times.
18. The slave is not allowed to touch her or his owner's property without permission in any sexual way.
I gazed over the list, taking a deep breath.
“Thoughts?” Brendon asked.
“I think you already know.”
Brendon nodded, “It’s a lot to get used to.”
“May I use the restroom?” My voice nearly broke.
“Of course.” Brendon replied, moving so that he could uncuff me.
“I- just how many times have you done this?”
My wrist fell free.
“A couple.” Brendon smiled, “Just trust me when I say I know what I’m doing.”
Yeah, well I don’t.
I just nodded, moving off of the bed.
Brendon watched me but didn’t move.
It took all of my self-control not to run out of the room to the bathroom. He had to be insane. It was like slavery.
But I was so turned on.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Once I got to the bathroom I encountered a problem.
There was blood on the toilet paper.
It wasn’t time for my period though!
We hadn’t discussed my period.
Maybe during that time period he would leave me alone.
“Brendon?” I called out his name, cracking the door open.
He didn’t respond so I called his name louder.
“Yeah?” I jumped in surprise as he appeared outside of the bathroom.
That was quick.
“I started.”
“You started what?” Brendon looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Oh, you don’t have to tell me when you’re going to the bathroom.” His expression turned to one of disgust.
“No asshole.” I snapped, “I started my period.”
“Oh.” His mouth fell open. “Crap. Wait-“ He thought for a second, “I’m sure that my Mom has something in her bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared quickly.
He returned after a few minutes, “I have to go to the store. She’s out.”
My face was bright red.
“Tampons or pads?” I was caught off guard for the question and for a second I just sat there in silence.
“Tampons.” I muttered. “Just- any kind. I don’t really care right now.” Then I regretted it, wondering what he’d return with. “I like Kotex.”
“Kotex it is.” Brendon replied, “I’ll be back soon.” He gazed at me in confusion for a second before opening the door a bit more.
I was surprised as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Anything else?”
“No.”
Then he left.
**
When Brendon returned I was in the shower.
I actually felt nervous at first.
I hadn’t asked permission.
He didn’t say anything about it.
“Tampons are on the counter.” Brendon called, “Uh, with a pair of underwear. I uh, didn’t know your size. I had to guess. I just figured it would be more comfortable.”
He was right. It would be.
“Thanks.”
I heard the door close and let out a sigh of relief.
I was alone.
**
The underwear were a bit loose, and plain black. I felt comfortable in them. I immediately put Brendon’s shirt back on after drying off. Once I was ready I left in search of him.
He was sitting on his bed playing a fighting game on his PS3.
“Come here.” He set the controller down and patted the spot next to him.
I bitterly blurted the words out, “Thought I didn’t get to sleep with you.”
He ignored me.
I crawled in next to him, pulling the blankets over me.
Brendon grabbed his controller as I tentatively laid my head on his bare chest.
Neither of us said anything as he played his game.
I guess my period was a safety net.
Who would have guessed?
**
(I cheated a little and used this site for the rules- I don’t really know much about the lifestyle, besides what I’ve read so… I had to start somewhere. http://voices.yahoo.com/bdsm-101-requirements-slave-submissive-1835214.html)
I heard footsteps- and the smell of food reached my nose, causing my stomach to rumble. I was hungry, though I hadn’t realized it until that moment.
The door opened and much to my relief Brendon came in alone, carrying a pizza box. “Food?” He offered. “It’s Hawaiian. “
I shrugged, “I’d rather go home and eat.”
“You can go home tomorrow.” Brendon replied, “Tonight we have things to go over together.”
“Brendon, you can’t call all of the shots.”
“That’s the point of the game Ms. Taylor.” Brendon replied, openly staring at me as if I were stupid.
I crossed my arms over my chest, just as my stomach loudly protested the lack of food. Brendon smirked, “Eat.”
“No.”
“Eat.” His tone changed, and I automatically reached out for a piece of pizza with the hand that wasn’t forced against his bed post.
Brendon smiled, “Good girl.” Bite me.
We sat in silence for a few minutes but then Brendon left the room again. I didn’t say anything, instead reaching for another piece of pizza. I was hungry. I was eating because I wanted to eat, not because he told me to eat.
Or so I’d keep telling myself.
Brendon returned quickly.
“What is that?” I gazed at the papers in his hand.
He handed them to me.
I felt like I didn’t really want to read them. “What is it?” I asked, before reading.
I was nervous.
What other surprises would he have in store for me?
“It’s just a list of rules.” Brendon replied casually, “Subject to change of course.”
“Of course.” I replied, rolling my eyes.
Brendon just grabbed another piece of pizza, gazing at me impassively as I started reading over the typed up list.
How many times had he done this?
1. Submissive will remove clothing when alone with Dominant (or wear specified clothing depending on situation)- in a reasonable environment.
Reasonable? I didn’t know that word was in Brendon’s vocabulary. Brendon watched me curiously but I said nothing, continuing to read on.
2. The slave or submissive will wear and gratefully accept any toys the Master/ Mistress chooses to insert or adorn her or him with while cleaning or in any other circumstance.
“Toys?” I muttered the word out loud.
Brendon shrugged, “Plugs- clamps, you know.”
“No.” I looked at him confused, “I don’t know actually.”
“We will discuss it as necessary.” Brendon replied, “I realize that you aren’t fully educated on the subject so it will be a slow process.”
I didn’t like to think of it as me being uneducated, more as uninterested. I continued reading, finding myself strangely fascinated.
3. The slave will not speak unless spoken to and may request an opportunity to speak if there is something pressing to discuss during those periods of time when the Master/ Mistress commands silence.
Back to the whole silence thing… I could handle that. I didn’t really feel like talking to Brendon anyway.
4. The slave does not sleep with the Master/ Mistress unless it is the express wish of the owner and then this must be seen as a privilege. It can be taken away as a form of punishment.
“So, I won’t always be sleeping with you?” I was confused by that, seeing as how he seemed to want me to stay tonight. Maybe it was just a one night thing, that wouldn’t be so bad.
Brendon shrugged, “It’s a privilege.”
I didn’t really know how to respond so I didn’t.
5. The slave will keep their eyes averted unless it is the wish of the Master/ Mistress to have their slave look them in the eyes.
Awkward.
“Um.” I licked my lips nervously.
“Yes?” I glanced up at Brendon to see him staring at me.
Goosebumps arose upon my skin instantly. It was such a strange reaction.
“I can’t look you in the eyes?” I don’t know why but that seemed so cold… and I really didn’t like it.
“Unless I tell you to.” Brendon replied.
“Why not?”
“It’s about respect.” Brendon answered.
“I don’t like it.” I whispered honestly.
“Why not?” Brendon seemed surprised.
“It makes me feel like less of a person.” It was weird how such a small ‘right’ was such a big deal. I hadn’t even realized it before now- I found control in the ability to gaze in to another person’s eyes. It gave away how they were feeling, and with Brendon I could probably use the heads up.
“Hmm.” Brendon stared at me, a thoughtful expression upon his face. “Kiss me.”
I was surprised by the demand but I didn’t question it as I leaned forward, to the best of my ability. Brendon closed the distance. I gently pressed my lips against his, kissing him lightly upon the lips.
Brendon pulled away, “Good girl.” He licked his lips, “We can ignore that rule for now, unless you’re bad.”
I was surprised that he was so willing to allow me what I wanted. Maybe this really wouldn’t be so bad. “Er, thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Brendon smiled, “Keep reading. We need to get through these tonight.”
6. The slave will address the Master/ Mistress not by their first name, but by the title preferred by that dominant.
I already knew that. Brendon preferred I call him ‘Sir’- it was something to get used to but it wasn’t that terrible.
7. A slave will greet visitors in whatever way the Master/ Mistress commands - this may include just taking coats and putting them away, kissing the hand of the guest or kneeling in front of them.
“Visitors?” I paled, thinking over the prospect of playing this game in front of other people.
Brendon nodded, “It will only ever be close friends and I promise you’ll be completely safe.”
“And they won’t tell anyone?” How could he be so sure?
“You’re going to have to trust me.” Brendon responded, “Trust plays big in this Christian. You’ll learn to accept that eventually.”
My stomach was in knots at the thought but I’d have to deal with it when the situation arose. There was no point in useless arguing. I was tired, and I still had more to go over- and I was sure I wouldn’t agree with any of them.
8. A slave must always ask permission before using the bathroom or taking a shower.
“Uh, always?” I awkwardly gazed at rule # 8.
Brendon looked over, and I pointed at what I was reading.
He nodded, “Control Christian.”
Another thing I didn’t like, who would’ve thought?
9. The bathroom door may never be closed in private, as a slave has no right to privacy.
“I object.” I glared at Brendon, “I’m not going to leave the bathroom door open, ever.”
Brendon glared back at me, “Why don’t you rephrase that and we’ll see what we can do?”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. This was difficult. I was negotiating the terms of my life! … and I was a terrible negotiator. “Please Brendon. That’s embarrassing.” I lowered my eyes, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes as we discussed this certain rule.
“Why is it embarrassing?” Brendon asked, as if he really didn’t know.
“Just please?”
Brendon sighed heavily, annoyed. He took a pen from his top drawer and put a mark next to the rule. “We can discuss it at a later time. We still need to finish going over everything else. I will take in to account everything you strongly object to.”
Again, surprising.
10. The slave must accept it calmly when the owner decides that a bathroom break will not be allowed at that very moment.
I started to speak but Brendon leaned over, crossing out rule # 10. “I don’t agree with it either.” He said, before I could try to figure out what to say.
Well, that was good.
11. A slave must take correction gracefully and maintain a grateful presence around the house after the fact.
Brendon snorted, “That one will be hard for you.”
I didn’t say anything as I continued reading.
12. A slave must confess to disobedience and take responsibility even when the dominant is not present and beg for punishment and or discipline.
“So I have to tattle on myself?” That sounded stupid.
“Yes, because if I find out from someone else… things could get ugly.” Brendon answered.
“This relationship is abusive.” I blurted out, glaring at him.
Brendon chuckled, “I won’t abuse you if you’re good.”
Yeah, I probably had a 911 call in my future.
13. The slave must be available for sexual service whenever the dominant or his guests require it.
“Brendon!” I shoved the piece of paper at his face, my finger under rule # 13.
“What?” He innocently gazed at me, “Again, just close friends.”
“You plan to let other people just… use me?” I was appalled.
“Well, it’s not like this is love or something.” Brendon replied.
I felt sick.
14. The slave must always be ready for any form of sexual service, which would mean that her or his body must be prepared in order to make it easy for the dominant or guests to use him or her.
Brendon had moved so that he could read over my shoulder, “Meaning you’ll be wearing skirts from now on. You don’t need underwear; then again it seems you don’t wear any anyway.”
Ouch.
15. The slave will not be allowed to have an orgasm without permission.
“Honestly, I don’t know how to not have one.” I blushed.
Brendon grinned, “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you.”
He lovingly caressed my cheek. I nearly gagged.
16. The slave will shave any body hair and maintain this at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishment.
17. The slave will be clean and pleasant to all the senses at all times.
18. The slave is not allowed to touch her or his owner's property without permission in any sexual way.
I gazed over the list, taking a deep breath.
“Thoughts?” Brendon asked.
“I think you already know.”
Brendon nodded, “It’s a lot to get used to.”
“May I use the restroom?” My voice nearly broke.
“Of course.” Brendon replied, moving so that he could uncuff me.
“I- just how many times have you done this?”
My wrist fell free.
“A couple.” Brendon smiled, “Just trust me when I say I know what I’m doing.”
Yeah, well I don’t.
I just nodded, moving off of the bed.
Brendon watched me but didn’t move.
It took all of my self-control not to run out of the room to the bathroom. He had to be insane. It was like slavery.
But I was so turned on.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Once I got to the bathroom I encountered a problem.
There was blood on the toilet paper.
It wasn’t time for my period though!
We hadn’t discussed my period.
Maybe during that time period he would leave me alone.
“Brendon?” I called out his name, cracking the door open.
He didn’t respond so I called his name louder.
“Yeah?” I jumped in surprise as he appeared outside of the bathroom.
That was quick.
“I started.”
“You started what?” Brendon looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Oh, you don’t have to tell me when you’re going to the bathroom.” His expression turned to one of disgust.
“No asshole.” I snapped, “I started my period.”
“Oh.” His mouth fell open. “Crap. Wait-“ He thought for a second, “I’m sure that my Mom has something in her bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared quickly.
He returned after a few minutes, “I have to go to the store. She’s out.”
My face was bright red.
“Tampons or pads?” I was caught off guard for the question and for a second I just sat there in silence.
“Tampons.” I muttered. “Just- any kind. I don’t really care right now.” Then I regretted it, wondering what he’d return with. “I like Kotex.”
“Kotex it is.” Brendon replied, “I’ll be back soon.” He gazed at me in confusion for a second before opening the door a bit more.
I was surprised as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Anything else?”
“No.”
Then he left.
**
When Brendon returned I was in the shower.
I actually felt nervous at first.
I hadn’t asked permission.
He didn’t say anything about it.
“Tampons are on the counter.” Brendon called, “Uh, with a pair of underwear. I uh, didn’t know your size. I had to guess. I just figured it would be more comfortable.”
He was right. It would be.
“Thanks.”
I heard the door close and let out a sigh of relief.
I was alone.
**
The underwear were a bit loose, and plain black. I felt comfortable in them. I immediately put Brendon’s shirt back on after drying off. Once I was ready I left in search of him.
He was sitting on his bed playing a fighting game on his PS3.
“Come here.” He set the controller down and patted the spot next to him.
I bitterly blurted the words out, “Thought I didn’t get to sleep with you.”
He ignored me.
I crawled in next to him, pulling the blankets over me.
Brendon grabbed his controller as I tentatively laid my head on his bare chest.
Neither of us said anything as he played his game.
I guess my period was a safety net.
Who would have guessed?
**
(I cheated a little and used this site for the rules- I don’t really know much about the lifestyle, besides what I’ve read so… I had to start somewhere. http://voices.yahoo.com/bdsm-101-requirements-slave-submissive-1835214.html)
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