FicWad

There had been confusion, but after some thought, Shinya's answers were definite -- or some of them were, anyway. He knew that he was definitely attracted to Die, and to other men. He was still attracted to women, but Die was usually the first thing that came to his mind when thoughts of sex arose. He had thought of other men before -- before the kiss -- but had never let himself really dwell on the idea of sleeping with a man. He had brushed off his own emotions and attractions, and when he was cut off from the little he had allowed himself before, they broke free.

Where did he go from there? Yes, there was an attraction to Die, both physical and emotional. He surmised, at first, that it was just a mere crush, perhaps intensified by the novelty of allowing himself to really think about being attracted to another man. It was lasting, though, and a constant dull ache not tempered by the short-lived presence of a new girlfriend. Besides, he had known Die to long to have such trivial feelings about him.

Taking it seriously made it worse, though. Shinya had no real firm indicators that Die had ever been interested in any men, much less himself. Making assumptions there and acting on his feelings could very likely cause discomfort between the two; he trusted Die wouldn't allow there to be hard feelings, both to preserve their friendship for the sake of it and to keep the band as a whole on good terms, but would they ever be just fine if he knew how Shinya felt about him? Shinya wasn't sure what else to do, though. Squashing emotions like those he felt for Die was difficult, if not impossible, and he was sure he would go crazy if he merely sat there and did nothing, letting the feelings pierce his heart forever -- or at least until they faded and dulled naturally.

Even if he knew Die was interested, could they ever make it work? What if they couldn't? Would Dir en grey make it through their struggle? Would their friendship last, or be repairable? What would Kaoru, Toshiya, and Kyo think of it? What would the fans think if they found out? It wasn't information they would be able to guarantee could be kept safe and secret, no matter how well they had managed to hide their personal lives to that point. What would their families think, and their friends outside the band?

The dilemma kept Shinya from doing anything for quite a while. He thought about it extensively, fought to keep his emotions from causing slip-ups, and fantasized in secret. He barely noticed the only partly conscious decisions he began to make about it, from wearing clothing that covered and hid less to choosing, whenever possible, to be closer to Die. Several times he found himself standing in front of bathroom mirrors late at night with makeup spread out before him and a more feminine Shinya staring back at him, not remembering quite how he had led himself to the conclusion that looking like a girl would make everything all right. He tried locking up his makeup, but it didn't stop him; he tried throwing it out, but that led to buying colors and tones. It only happened at night; during the day he kept resolutely to his preferred masculine look, sometimes even sliding in the opposite direction and attempting to be as masculine as possible. His old outfits -- the dresses, the skirts, the heels -- all managed to stay off his body, though there had been a few times when he'd found himself holding up an old dress and remembering how Die had seemed to like it.

He often remembered wistfully how Die had proclaimed to have had a crush on him when they first met. His mind, however, always seemed to add on "But now..."

He managed to remain himself through it all. His bandmates, as far as he could tell, didn't sense any change in their drummer. The press didn't surprise him with new questions, and even his family treated him the same as always. He was quiet and collected.

Until they returned to America.



It started in a bar.

One of the things Shinya did like about the US -- like the locations they'd played at in Europe -- was that there, he and his bandmates could go anywhere with almost no chance of being recognized. Sure, they were trying to change that, and it wasn't the best attitude to have for business, but even so, it was relaxing in a strange way to not have to look over his shoulder for cameras or excited fans every few minutes. On the off chance that they were recognized, it would be only by a small group of fans -- and usually not even enough to qualify as a "small group" -- whose excitement and cries of "Dir en grey!" would only be met with confusion by passersby. There was no need to worry about being mobbed in America.

They felt perfectly fine, then, going into a bar and ordering drinks -- or trying to, anyway. Toshiya had practiced for weeks to learn how to order a beer in English, but he didn't come close to sounding like a native English speaker yet. He repeated himself several times to the bartender, who merely gave them a confused look, until Kaoru decided to beckon another bartender over for help. The other bartender was younger, and looked to be the sort who was only working in a bar until he could find something better.

"Five beers, please," Toshiya said, enunciating as clearly as he could manage. The young bartender smiled and nodded.

Shinya looked around after they sat down as a table along the wall. It was a decent enough place, more clean and orderly than the last bar they tried, where a man with a beard seemed to resent their presence. He was thankful for the ban on smoking in America, too; he wouldn't have complained if the others had been able to smoke, of course, but he preferred an atmosphere with clearer air.

"Die, wait!" Toshiya said, holding up a hand. Die's hand stopped moving just before his beer reached his lips, and he gave Toshiya a confused look. "Let's play a game."

Kyo groaned, and Kaoru and Die shook their heads. "Toshiya, we're here to drink, not to entertain you," Kaoru said.

"No, it's a good one, I promise!" Die shook his head again, but his beer was once again on the table. "It's called..."

He then tried, in vain, to pronounce the name in English. "I" was easy enough, but he stumbled repeatedly across "Never" before giving up.

"Anyway, it's a game where you say something you haven't done, and then if someone has, they have to drink. Just try it, please?"

"I'll do it," Shinya offered, knowing the other three would be reluctant. It hardly sounded like a laugh riot, but he thought it might be a little amusing, anyway. After a moment, Die agreed, followed by Kaoru. Kyo merely grunted, but they took that to mean "Yes."

"I'll go first," Toshiya said, looking mischievous. "I've never... I've never played drums."

Shinya rolled his eyes and took a drink. Kaoru shrugged and drank as well. Die looked bored already.

"Your turn," Toshiya said, nodding toward Die, who sad across from him.

"Okay..." He sad back, thinking for a moment. "I've never been with one of Kaoru's ex-girlfriends before."

Toshiya glared half-heartedly and threw Kaoru an apologetic look before listing his beer to his lips. Kyo's expression didn't change as he drank, and Kaoru looked more than a little surprised.

"Your turn, Kaoru," Toshiya instructed.

He already had his ready. "I've never been slapped by one of our makeup artists." Toshiya pouted and drank again, becoming aware that this was turning into a game targeted at him. Shinya laughed.

"I've never fucked a man," Kyo blurted, his eyes going up to Toshiya, who stuck his tongue out and gave him a smug look. It melted into a look of surprise, though, when he saw Die drinking out of the corner of his eye.

"You, Die?" Toshiya asked, astounded. "No."

"Me, Die," Die responded jokingly, not looking the least bit ashamed. "Yes."

"Really?" Shinya asked, unable to temper his curiosity. He had kissed a man already, just to how it was compared to kissing a woman -- he hadn't found it much different overall -- but he hadn't slept with any. He was glad for it; he wasn't ready to come out in any way.

"Just a few times," Die admitted, shrugging. "Mostly when I was younger. Come on, guys, it's really not a big deal."

"Of course not," Kaoru said. "Now we just know that you really did enjoy teasing all those fans."

Toshiya leaned forward. "I thought I saw Little Die jumping up when I used to rub against you."

Die snorted. "In your dreams, Toshiya. You got off on that more than I did."

"I've never slept with a fan from one of our concerts," Shinya said quickly. For reasons he couldn't even explain to himself, he wanted to divert the conversation from that particular topic. He thought that, maybe, it might be because he wasn't sure how much control he would have over himself by the time the night was over, and he was rooming with Die again. They roomed together a lot since Shinya realized his attraction to the guitarist. Unfortunately, just because Die liked some men didn't mean he liked /Shinya/... but a drunk Shinya might not believe that.

Toshiya gave Shinya's shoulder a shove and drank again. "You all love me so much," he said, giving them more playful glares. "Let's see... I've never--"

"This is stupid," Kyo muttered, picking up his beer and chugging it. "Game over."

Kyo, Kaoru, and Toshiya didn't asked Die any more questions about his relationships with men, but it was all Shinya found himself able to think about as he moved from sober to tipsy. Die and Toshiya quickly moved beyond "tipsy," and both passed out nearly as soon as they arrived at the hotel. Shinya thought it was for the best -- he wanted to think alone.



The day after Die's revelation, they had no shows scheduled. There was an early afternoon interview -- which they were thankful wasn't any earlier, as Toshiya and Die spent a while complaining about their hangovers -- but nothing else. Kaoru had some business to take care of concerning the next venue and Kyo wanted to spend some time working on lyrics, saying he had some inspiration from the first dingy bar they'd tried the night before, but they agreed to do some sightseeing together. There wasn't much they were interested in seeing, though, so they ended up walking around the city, half-bored.

"You dragged me out here for nothing," Kyo grumbled, expressing his annoyance once again.

"How were we supposed to know this place was so dull?" Die asked, looking around as they walked. "Cities are supposed to be exciting."

"It's not the city's fault," Kaoru said, sounding like a father. "Maybe if we knew English we'd find it more entertaining."

"Or if we had more fans here," Toshiya added.

"Only if you want to risk your life," Shinya said. "It's nice to not be mobbed or recognized too much."

"Says you." Toshiya sighed huffily. "Some of us love being in the spotlight, okay?"

"I do love it!" Shinya exclaimed. "It's just a nice change of pace. We'll get fans here, don't worry. For now, it's just nice to not need bodyguards or disguises."

"I'm heading back," Kyo muttered suddenly, turning on his heel. "See you at the hotel."

"I should deal with the business with our venue," Kaoru said, nodding. "I'm going to go back, too." He waved to the others and followed Kyo.

Die, Shinya, and Toshiya walked on for a bit, still bored but not enough so to go back and sit at the hotel. They continued in almost-silence for a while until Toshiya suddenly asked, "So, are you bisexual, then, Die?"

Die laughed. "I guess so. Why?"

Toshiya shook his head. "No reason. I'm fine with it. I just never pictured you as the bisexual type."

"'Type?'" Die asked, raising an eyebrow.

He didn't get an answer, though, as Toshiya chose that moment to become completely distracted. Spying a music store, he pointed excitedly. "I'm going in there! How about you guys?"

"No thanks," Die answered, and Shinya shook his head. Toshiya rolled his eyes at them and walked when they reached the shop.

Shinya leaned against the small expanse of brick wall near the door, his thoughts overwhelming him again. Bisexual. It rang through his head with hope. He's bisexual.

"Shinya?" His head shot up, and he gave Die a confused look. "Are you okay with it?"

Shinya nodded quickly and looked across the street, his eyes travelling over the names of stores he didn't understand. His thoughts were moving too quickly -- he didn't want to say something he would regret if his mouth turned to autopilot. It didn't seem he would be allowed the peace of simply waiting for Toshiya, though, as Die stepped into his view.

"You were quick to change the subject last night. Are you really okay with it? I'd rather have it out in the open if you aren't. I do prefer women overall -- it's not like I'll be showing off men now. It won't be any different. We don't have to--"

"/Die/!" Die looked startled. It wasn't very often that Shinya raised his voice. "I'm fine with it, really. I've just had some other things on my mind recently." He thought of saying that he didn't care if Die showed off other men, and he thought of saying that it had nothing to do with the new information, but he couldn't bring himself to lie. If Die asked the right questions...

He didn't ask any more questions, though. He just nodded, still looking a little worried. "As long as you're sure..."

"I'm sure."

Die grinned. "Good. The last thing I'd want would be to have to give up teasing you."

Shinya smiled and, choosing to reply immaturely to immaturity, stuck his tongue out at the older man. Die opened his mouth to say something about it, but Toshiya came out of the store at that moment.

"It's nothing but /jazz/. Come on, let's look for another shop."



Several nights later, Shinya found himself overwhelmed with emotion. He hated being overwhelmed, and usually controlled himself so well. He knew it would lead to something breaking, and he hoped with all his might that it wouldn't be his heart.

It was another city and another show. For days fantasies and daydreams had crept into his thoughts, all playing at the idea of Die loving him. He didn't picture him as a knight in shining armor or as someone who would worship him. He just saw Die, and when he saw Die, he saw and Shinya attached. Die and Shinya waking up together in the morning. Die and Shinya playing with Miyu. Die and Shinya coming to practice. Die and Shinya revealing Shinya's secrets when he turned thirty. Die and Shinya being -- not necessarily domestic. He knew he and Die and the others would never be quite normal enough to be domestic. But together. They were together already, but as friends. They had a close bond, and it was good, but he wanted to go home at night as Die /and Shinya/. He wanted to be able to kiss Die, to show him how much he cared for him, even when Die teased him. Maybe he could even cut off the jokes halfway through with a well-placed hand or a lustily whispered message for him only. He just wanted to be closer.

He had had dreams about Die for the past two nights. The first one was just the band on stage, when Die suddenly stopped the show to tell Shinya he loved him. The second was similar, but the music didn't stop when Die dropped his guitar and took Shinya out from behind his drumset, letting the drummer ravish him in front of the entire audience while Toshiya, Kaoru, and Kyo continued on. He was glad to have woken up early from that one, as he had needed to take a cold shower before Die woke up.

He felt like he was going silently insane after their performance. He was tired and eager to retire for the night, his emotions draining him of the energy he usually possessed after a show, even if it was a quiet energy. That had been all that was on his mind -- aside from the constant buzz of DieDieDie -- until he looked up and saw Die greeting a few lucky fans who'd managed to get backstage. One girl was very beautiful, with long, dark brown hair and large eyes painted with black. He saw her tongue ring when she opened her mouth to speak in sloppy Japanese. "You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen," she tried to say, and though it came out crudely, it still earned her a slight smile from Die, whose eyes, Shinya noticed, had run the entire length of her body twice.

Shinya wasn't jealous, exactly. He knew that they all appreciated the looks of their most attractive fans, but Toshiya was the only one who had gone further than flirting to humor them, and he had ended up regretting it. It was just /that look/. That look that he knew was fake, that he could see the insincerity of -- it was so similar to the look his mind's dream version of Die had giving him before he had spread his legs. It was strange to think of Die like that, so crude, but he couldn't stop the thoughts from coming. The fans left when one shrieked Kyo's name, presumably to pursue him, and Die turned, chuckling quietly. As he passed behind Shinya, the younger man felt his skin prickle and burn.

Shinya knew then that something had broken, and his tiredness was gone. He moved calmly through his normal motions until they were prepared to leave.

"We were thinking of staying out for a bit," Kaoru said, referring to himself and Toshiya. "Are you guys interesting?"

Kyo grunted an affirmative with Die's eager "Yes!" and Kaoru's eyes fell on Shinya.

"Not tonight; I'm tired." Lying had never before come so easily to him. He slumped slightly to add to the effect, acting as though merely standing upright had become a hassle. "Go on without me. I'll be okay without going out one night."

They accepted it, and Shinya went back to the hotel with no plans of rest.



Shinya was nervous. He still couldn't be entirely sure of himself. Did he look good enough? Would Die want him? Would Die be drunk and regret any actions he might take later? What if things went all right that night, but turned out badly later? What if...?

He calmed himself down, breathing deeply. He was fresh from a quick shower -- just enough to have an excuse for wearing the bathrobe. He had considered simply wearing something tight, but that would not only be suspicious, it would be... girly. He didn't want to feel like he had to be a woman for Die to want him. He wanted to be wanted for who he was. If it didn't work out, he'd deal with it, but he wouldn't have been able to deal with being with Die and untrue to himself at once.

He had calmed himself down just enough when he heard the door jostle and his heart leapt back into his throat. After a moment's struggle and a curse -- Is he drunk, then? -- he heard the door open, and Die said good night to Kyo, who barely muttered a response. "Hey," Die called, heading over to his bed to lie down, not even taking notice of Shinya.

"Did you go to a bar?" Shinya asked, wanting to get it out of the way. If Die was drunk, he wouldn't do anything. A small, scared part of him hoped Die was drunk. He didn't look drunk. "Are you drunk?"

"No, we just went to a club, and I only had one drink." Shinya knew Die could hold his alcohol better than that. He wasn't drunk. "You should have seen Toshiya, Shin. I wish you'd have come with us." He paused. "I thought you were going to sleep."

"I was too sweaty, and the shower woke me up." Die turned his head to look at him. Shinya chose that moment to stretch, praying he had he will to do what he planned properly. He wasn't really shy, but it was Die, and it was a plan that could potentially ruin their friendship, though the logical part of him was convinced it wouldn't. Die wasn't so petty. "I've got some extra energy now."

"Don't get too energetic. I have been out on the town, and I am worn out."

His eyes were on Shinya, but the drummer didn't know if it was just a friend's look or if it could mean something more. He felt the robe slipping lose -- he had purposely tied the belt with extra room -- and didn't bother to adjust it. "I can't help my energy. I have to release it somehow." He sighed somewhat dramatically and fell back on the bed, one leg completely exposed at that point.

"Hmm. Just don't be too loud."

Shinya didn't know what to do next. He knew that, if Die was interested, he could seduce him -- he felt silly for thinking that way, but had no other way to think of it -- easily enough, but he needed to test the waters carefully first. He was silent for a moment, and then a thought struck him. "Die?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember that night you kissed me?" He turned his head to look at Die, whose eyes were closed. At the question, they opened, and his brow furrowed.

"What? Kissed you?"

Shinya's heart fell. "It was really late. Maybe you were just too tired."

"I kissed you?"

"Yeah," Shinya confirmed quietly.

"If you -- I'm sorry, Shinya. I don't remember it. If you think it had something to do with my sexuality, I promise, it was probably just me being tired. You know I can do some strange things when I'm tired."

If Shinya had been a little less perceptive, he would have been disappointed. Because he was looking for it, though, and because he knew Die, he heard something in his voice. Something like a child telling his mother he didn't ruin her flowers when the dirt was all over his hands. He smiled to himself. "It's okay. It didn't bother me." He stretched again, raising his back off the bed slightly. "It's just that this dream I had the other night reminded me of it."

"Oh?" There was confusion and curiosity in that voice.

"We were on stage -- I think we were playing Machiavellism -- and you just put down your guitar and came over to grab me."

"To -- grab you?"

"Mm-hmm. Then I stopped playing and we went in front of my drumset." He paused, needing a moment to gather his courage before barging on. "And then I fucked you."

Die's eyes were wide at Shinya's frankness, but he controlled himself and tried to brush it off. "That's... kind of strange, Shinya. In front of everyone?"

"In front of everyone."

Die closed his eyes. "I didn't know you were an exhibitionist."

Shinya got up slowly, watching Die's face as the bed creaked. "It was definitely an interesting dream."

"Mmm."

Shinya stood up and moved closer to Die, keeping his voice low. "I wonder how it feels to be fucked by a guy."

Die opened his eyes again, half-surprised to see Shinya standing so close. "Shinya, are you okay? If you have a problem with me, I can--" He stopped when Shinya sat beside him. The bathrobe was loose on him, but no so loose that he couldn't see the bulge that was beginning to appear in Shinya's lap. "Um."

"You're eloquent," Shinya scoffed, putting a hand on Die's thigh casually, as though it was something a stranger could walk up and do without any cause for concern. "Anything else you'd like to get out?"

"Guh?"

Shinya laughed and pushed lightly on Die's thigh, encouraging him to roll over. Die, perhaps too shocked to resist, did so, and merely stared as Shinya crawled onto his lap. "Is that all?"

"Shinya?"

"Die." Shinya ran his hands up Die's thighs, pushing up the edges of his shirt. "Daisuke."

"Shinya." His voice was somewhat harsh, and Shinya, fearing impending rejection, stopped the movement of his hands and looked up. "I won't be an experiment, if that's what this is."

Shinya shook his head. "I wouldn't do that to you, Die. I think... I think I might feel something for you. Something like love. And before you say it isn't, know that I've been thinking about this for a long time. I don't say these things lightly."

Die swallowed. "I didn't know you were..."

"I didn't, either. Not until you kissed me." He frowned. "It was such a turning point for me, and you don't remember it."

Die looked embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, Shinya."

"No matter. I can try to remind you." He slid his hands further up, not breaking eye contact with the guitarist until they reached his face. He then closed his eyes and leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on unresponsive lips.

Die's eyes were still opened when he opened his own again. His mouth opened slightly, and he seemed to be caught in complete disbelief. Shinya waited. After an excruciatingly long silence, though it was no more than a few seconds, Die said, "When I first saw you, I had a crush on you."

"As you like to tell people -- I know. I thought it was because I looked like a girl."

"It was, sort of. But you're still beautiful as a man, Shinya. I just didn't think you would ever be interested -- you were so reserved, and so nice, I didn't want to mess it up." Shinya bit his lip. He had taken a step even Die wouldn't. "I did my best to squash those feelings then, Shin, but... I'd be glad to accept them again."

Shinya smiled and leaned forward again, his hands travelling back down as he kissed Die for the third time. He licked at Die's lower lip, not wanting to waste a moment, even though he was sure there would be many more. He had felt like he was going crazy with emotion, and he truly was energized, though it came largely from Die's admission. Die.

Die was unhesitant and opened his mouth quickly, reaching up to place one hand on the back of Shinya's neck, the other on his back, while Shinya's own rested on his waist. Shinya stroked Die's tongue with his, licking at his teeth and every corner of his mouth. Shinya slid his mouth down to Die's throat, working up to his ear and trying to work a moan out of the other man. He was rewarded for his work, and smiled at the sound of Die's pleasure. "I can show you," the other man whispered in his own ear.

"Show me?" Shinya asked, pulling back a moment. "What?"

"What it's like to be fucked." Die's expression was both serious and lusty. He wanted to know that Shinya meant it, and to show that he had no doubts himself. "I can promise you from experience that it's good."

Part of Shinya was nervous. He had thought and even fantasized about sex with Die, but he had always been the one penetrating Die. Even when he'd masturbated, he hadn't ventured to locate his prostate, though he knew well enough that it could be a source of pleasure. He trusted Die, though. That was part of why his feelings were so strong -- even when he was teasing him, even when they'd argued, he knew Die would never purposely hurt him. Neither would Kyo, Kaoru, or Toshiya, of course, or his family or closest friends outside the band, but it was different with Die. He shifted, feeling Die's arousal underneath him, and his fear melted away. He nodded. "Show me."

He moved to the side, sliding off of Die and onto the other side of the wide hotel bed, not taking his eyes off of the guitarist for a moment. The robe barely covered him any more, and Die's eyes slid hungrily up his body. Shinya flushed; the look he'd given the girl at the concert earlier was a mere mockery of the true look, which seemed to have the sun's intensity. Die reached out for him, and then paused.

"What?" Shinya asked, worried.

"Do you have condoms? And lubricant? I don't have any with me," Die said, somewhat sheepish.

Shinya smiled in relief, glad to have thought ahead. "Under the pillow," he answered, gesturing to the bed he'd claimed when they first came into the room. "I wanted to be sure..."

Die grinned broadly. "Shinya, you fox. You always think ahead, don't you?"

Shinya just smiled in response an Die sat up and reached over to dig under the pillow. Coming out triumphantly with the needed supplies, he dropped them onto the bedside table for the moment and turned back to Shinya.

"Let's take a moment to work up to all that. I don't want to rush with you, Shinya. This isn't just meaningless sex."

Smiling still, Shinya took Die's arm and turned it over, placing a kiss to the inside of his palm, and then another to his wrist. He followed the kisses with a long lick up to Die's elbow, and then travelled back down, taking his index and middle fingers into his mouth.

Die groaned. "Shinya... And you always pretend to be so innocent, too."

Shinya curled his tongue around Die's fingers and pulled back. "I never tried to. I just didn't tell you all the thoughts I had. I did have that dream about fucking you, you know, and it's not like I didn't fantasize before that."

Die's eyes glittered with lust. "Forget them. You have the real me, now."

With that, he pushed Shinya back down onto the bed, covering him from the waist up with his own body as he attacked his mouth. Shinya let go of his arm and gripped his shoulders instead, trying to pull them closer, closer. He had spent so much time contemplating love that he was already addicted to Die, couldn't get enough of him, wanted to crawl inside him and feel his love forever. Maybe he was obsessed, but he wasn't afraid; he knew he loved Die, and even if the obsession initially faded, he wouldn't give him up easily. Through the good and bad, he would fight for him.

Die's hands were placed on either side of Shinya's head, and though the drummer was thankful that Die wanted to take it slowly with him, he couldn't stand for it to go too slowly. He moved his left leg, search for Die's growing erection, and when he found it he began to rub. His hands moved down when Die shuddered, coming teasingly close to that same spot but turning back at the last moment, sneaking under his shirt instead. He moved up, up until his fingertips found Die's nipples, brushing softly against them. He swallowed Die's subsequent moan, drawing the other man's tongue into his mouth and sucking. He might not have been with a man before, but he wanted Die to know that he was no blushing virgin. Die could only stand the rubbing, touching, and sucking for so long before he drew back, panting.

Shinya loved the way Die looked in that moment: surprised, pleased, and very turned on. It would be a sad thing, he decided, to never see that face again. No, he wasn't going to let this go.

"Fuck me," he breathed. He knew it would be better than that -- it deserved more than the word "fuck" to label it -- but when Die closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath in response, he knew it was worth the sacrifice in language. "Fuck me, Die."

Die, who had hardly been expecting Shinya to be so forward, could only mutter the drummer's name in response as he put his hands on Shinya's arms, sliding the robe off. He sighed at the loss of Shinya's touch, but it was only momentary, and the thigh between his leg continued to move slightly, causing his breath to hitch every now and then. When Shinya's hands returned, this time lifting Die's shirt out of the way, he made quick work of the robe's belt, merely untying it before sitting up on his knees to remove his shirt. When it was off, he threw it to the side, finding Shinya's robe was already on the floor, and took in the beautiful sight before him. As feminine as Shinya was capable of looking, he was definitely masculine beneath the clothing, all sinewy flesh and proud erection. His chest was rising and falling quickly enough to show his excitement, and yet he was calm, his eyes half-lidded, his look sultry and beckoning Die back. He obeyed, quickly working to unbutton his pants and kick off his shoes as his lips met Shinya's again. His hands fumbled, and Shinya gently pushed them aside to unbutton the pants himself, sliding the zipper down and delving his hand into Die's underwear, seeking the other man's erection.

The guitarist shuddered when Shinya's fingers curled around his cock, biting gently on the drummer's lower lip. The hand moved slowly at first, pausing once in a while, unsure, but Shinya quickly gained confidence and set a quicker pace, twisting his hand gently, running his fingers along the underside, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the head. He sped up, slowing down again when Die's moans began to get louder or when he could tell the temptation to thrust down was becoming too much. After the sixth time, Die gave a low growl, pulling back and smiling down at the other man.

"You're a tease, Shinya." In response, Shinya's hands left him completely, and he groaned at the loss.

"I'm the one who's already naked," Shinya pointed out, pushing down on the waistband of Die's pants. Die got up again and pushed both layers down, letting them fall when they were low enough and bending over to remove his socks quickly before crawling back on top of Shinya, who spread his legs enticingly for his promised lover.

"It's going to hurt at first," Die cautioned, reaching for the lubricant and squeezing a generous amount onto his fingers.

"I know," Shinya said, looking unaffected by the warning. He spread his legs wider, closing his eyes when one hand wrapped around his erection, the fingers of Die's left hand trailing further down. He hissed when the tip of one finger pressed against his ass, biting the inside of his lip when it pushed in. Die continued stroking him at the same time, leaning forward to place reassuring kisses to his neck and collarbone. It was a strange sensation; Shinya hadn't felt anything like it before. He knew their would be pleasure, though, and he pushed back against the finger in anticipation. "More."

Die pressed in a second finger, watching Shinya's face closely to make sure he wasn't going too fast or pressing too hard. When Shinya grunted in pain, biting his lip harder, he began to draw his fingers out, but Shinya pressed back against the fingers, pulling Die's head down with both hands, fingers curling in the hair at the nape of his neck as he drove his tongue into the guitarist's mouth, doing his best to convey without words that he wanted this, even if it did hurt. Die got the message, pressing his fingers back in, searching.

The fingers found their target and Shinya opened his eyes and broke the kiss, gasping and writhing. He had known the prostate could cause pleasure, but he hadn't expected the jolts that went through his body, shaking him to the core. "Do that again," he gasped, his hands moving down for his nails to scrape dully against Die's back. "That's--" He couldn't find a word to describe it.

"Amazing?" Die suggested, licking the corner of Shinya's mouth. "Just wait." He added a third finger briefly before deciding that Shinya was more than prepared. Shinya propped himself up on his elbows shakily, watching Die squeeze out more lube onto his fingers, coating his cock, which he had already managed to sheath with the condom.

"Should I -- turn over?" ha asked. It seemed like that would be the easier position, though he was sure he was flexible enough...

Die blushed slightly and ducked his head. "No. I -- I want to see your face."

Shinya smiled and laid back. He had known Die was at least a little romantic. He brought his legs close to his body, bending and spreading them. Die moved closer, positioning himself with one hand and propping himself up with the other, placed beside Shinya's head on the pillow. Shinya put his hands on Die's shoulders and hooked one leg around his waist, more prepared and relaxed for the feeling as Die entered him, though it was still initially a little strange. He breathed deeply as Die pushed further in slowly. He urged him on with his leg, moaning lightly. The pure psychological pleasure was overwhelming -- there he was, with Die inside him. The thought alone made him shudder.

Die paused when he was buried within Shinya to the base, giving him a questioning look. Shinya nodded, and he drew back, thrusting in again, quicker each time, trying to angle himself, aiming for the spot he knew would make Shinya go wild again.

"Die!" Shinya called out sharply when Die hit it, his nails digging into the flesh on the guitarist's shoulders. One, two, three times more and Shinya was melting, shuddering, moaning, his head tilted back and his eyes nearly closed. "Die, Die... so amazing..."

"I know I am," Die panted, and Shinya let it go, because Die then attacked his neck, licking long stripes up to his jaw from the base of his neck as he continued to thrust, setting a steady pace. He loved the way Shinya looked then, lost in a wild passion. Quiet, reserved Shinya losing control -- it was like a dream, a fantastic dream, but so much better, because he could reach out and stroke his face, and he did. His hand trailed down to brush the hair that was beginning to stick to his skin away, and then down to his left nipple, brushing, rubbing, pinching it and loving ever moan, pant, and shudder that came with it.

Shinya wrapped his other leg around Die, pushing himself back onto his cock with every thrust, drawing Die deep into him. He began to gasp with every thrust or brush against his prostate, and knew he couldn't last too much longer. The pleasure was too new, too overwhelming, so amazing. "Faster, Die. Fuck me /hard/."

Die needed no more than those words to goad him on, loving even the sound of Shinya's voice, low and slightly raspy, thick with arousal. He sped up the pace, thrusting harder each time, careful to aim for Shinya's prostate, and brought his right hand further down, taking the other man's cock in his hand and squeezing it before stroking, taking a moment to get the moiton in time with his thrusts.

"Die"! Shinya cried out, squeezing his eyes shut. He was close, so close, and he lifted his head, grabbing Die's neck again to capture his lips, coaxing Die's tongue into his mouth and moaning around it. He thrust up, pushed back, curled his tongue around Die's, and then he was coming, orgasm hitting him faster than he'd expected. He moaned Die's name loudly, gripping the covers on the bed with his other hand as his semen spilled between them.

Die moaned and panted as he heard his name and felt Shinya come, his muscles tightening around Die's cock. The knowledge that he had brought that pleasure to the drummer combined with the physical pleasure drove him over the edge, and with just a few more thrusts, he was coming as well, the other man's name escaping his lips lowly, the sound barely distinguishable from a groan. He panted for a moment before drawing out, kissing Shinya gently before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

Shinya stayed almost motionless, save the deep rise and fall of his chest, still blown away. He could barely comprehend it: he had had sex with Die, and it was wonderful enough to be the hottest dream he'd ever had, but somehow, it was /real/. It was hard to believe, and he wouldn't be surprised should he find himself alone, back in the other bed, come morning. Perhaps he really had been tired -- perhaps he had fallen asleep when he came back to the hotel after all.

But there was Die, returning with a damp towel and having disposed of the condom, cleaned off already and gently wiping the semen from Shinya's body, his expression tired but loving. When he was done, he threw the towel aside and crawled back onto the bed, too tired to get under the covers and knowing Shinya was just as close to sleep, if not closer. He put an arm over Shinya's midsection, placing a kiss on his cheek and settling his head next to the drummer's.

Shinya struggled to stay awake just long enough to hear Die's breath slow down as he fell asleep. His thoughts were barely coherent, but he knew there would be much to talk about come morning. He had learned before, though, that some things could wait until the sun rose again, and when he knew Die was alseep, he let himself drift off, too.

Whatever they would face in the light of day didn't matter. For that moment, the world was perfect.