FicWad

Guilt.

It overwhelms me as I lay naked beside my brother’s boyfriend, both of us catching our breath. When he notices the guilt written over my face, he only sighs and curls into me. I can’t help but feel like the worst person in the world, when down in the basement is my brother, completely unaware his boyfriend snuck in through my bedroom window for a quick fuck. I’m not sure how I feel about being a toy, but I do know that while our bodies crash together I don’t care. When the touching starts, my brain can hardly process anything but his fingertips slowly sliding down my chest. And once his fingertips, and sometimes mouth, go lower, nothing else exists. But after the sex, my conscious attacks. I know I shouldn’t be sleeping with Frank. I know Gerard would be angry, and hurt if he ever found out. What I don’t know is, why I keep letting this happen. Why do I tell Frank it’s fine to come over, when I know it’s wrong. Why do I help the shorter boy through the window, instead of locking it? Why do I pull off his shirt and leave marks on his chest, when I shouldn’t do more than hug him?

Frank sighs, “Mikes...”

I shake my head and bury my face in my pillow.

Frank wraps his arms around me, “Don’t let the guilt eat you up like this... It’s okay.”

“No it isn’t, Frank! If you don’t love Gerard then don’t be with him!” I glare at him.

He rolls his eyes, “This isn’t about love, this is about lust. I do care for Gerard, but he isn’t ready for this and...and I am. It’s better for him, really that I get it out of my system instead of pressuring him when he isn’t ready.”

My eyes widen, “You’re actually trying to justify this? You’re cheating on him, Frank. It’s wrong and I’m wrong for doing this when you’re with my fucking brother!”

“Shh!” Frank covers my mouth, “You want to get caught?”

I bite my lip, shaking my head, “N-No.”

“Then shut up.” He slaps the side of my face before cupping it in his hands and kissing me. I moan softly against his lips. To anyone else, the slap would seem different. Anyone else might get pissed. But, Frank knows I like it. Another downside, and upside, to this is Frank knows what I like. He knows how to distract me from suggesting we never do this again. I’ve tried before. He saw it coming and shoved his hand down my pants(which I’d just put back on). When he even suspects I’m going to end our fuckbuddy relationship, he turns me on, knowing I can’t even organize proper thought, let alone talk him out of it. He begins kissing my already bruised neck before biting softly, and pulling my hair.

He nips my earlobe and whispers in my ear, “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me, and I’ll stop.”

I whimper as his hand begins to scratch lightly down my chest, “I-I... f-fuck.”

Frank smirks, “That’s what I thought.” before pinching the skin on my hip, causing me to let out a soft moan. He slowly moves his fingertips around my base, giving a gentle squeeze before stroking my shaft. A whimper, along with quite a few swears, pours out of my mouth as he slowly moves his hand. It isn’t long before I release into his hand, all over the bedsheets for the second time tonight. Once I’ve peaked, I glare at him and hand him his clothes.

“Go.”

“Mikes..”

“No, go damn it! I... we have school tomorrow and I have this really important test-”

He kisses me, shutting me up before he stands up and pulls on his boxers. He freezes at a light knock on my door.

“Mikes?” Gerard knocks quietly.

“Y-Yes?” I stand up and shove Frank towards the window.

“Everything alright? You sounded like you were having a nightmare...”

“N-No Gee, everything’s fine.” I turn to Frank and whisper, “Go!”

“Are you...talking to someone?”

“N-No Gee.”

“Aww Mikes has a little girlfriend over.”

I roll my eyes, “Go to bed, Gerard.”

Girlfriend? I glance over at Frank, smirking as he climbs out the window. Not hardly..

“Nuh uh!” Gerard wiggles the door handle, “Lemme in!”

I quickly pull on my boxers and a shirt before cracking the door, “What?”

He pushes past me, seeing the window open, before grinning, “I was right, wasn’t I?”

I sigh, “Until you scared her off, thanks Gee.”

His grin widens, “You have to tell me who!”

I fidget and think of the only girl I really talk to, “Fine, you know that girl I hang out with, Alicia Simmons?”

His eyes widen, “I knew it!

I nod, “Yeah, you called it... will you leave now?”

His eyes widen even more as he gasps, “You had sex!”

I quickly cover his mouth, “Shh! If mom hears...”

He grins, “She’d die because her sweet little baby isn’t a virgin anymore.”

“Right, so shut it! And do not tell anyone!”

“I won’t, promise.”







Alicia shoves me against my locker, “Explain to me this, Way, why does the entire school think we’ve had sex?”

I wince, “I hate Gerard.”

She glares, “Answer me.”

I sigh and pull her into an empty classroom, and explain everything to her. The guilt, how I can’t even think when it starts, everything. She stares at me, wide eyed before shaking her head.

“I expected better from you, Mikes, I can’t lie, I’m disappointed.” she frowns, “What if Gerard had seen him running away?”

“I-I don’t know!” I bury my face in my hands, “I-I’ve tried to call it off, I-I just... he distracts me and I know it’s still my fault a-and I..” I kick a desk over, “I just don’t know what to do!”

She pulls me into a hug, “Shh, calm down okay? I think you need to tell Gerard.”

“Wh-What? I can’t he’ll-”

“Be very hurt, angry, and disappointed. But imagine if he walked in one day with you and Frank fucking. It would kill him. He needs the truth.” She gives me a sympathetic smile, “In the end, it will work out.”

I bite my lip and nod, knowing she’s right.



The ride home, I don’t speak a word. Gerard drops Frank off, the two exchanging a chaste kiss before he walks to his door. Gerard glances back at me a few times as he’s driving through the rear-view mirror, but I can’t meet his eyes. I’m going to tell him, I have to. I’m just afraid. Afraid of finally receiving the consequences for my selfish actions. If he never speaks to me again, I deserve it. If he punches me, I deserve it. If he yells and screams at me, tells me how fucked up I am, I deserve it. He pulls into the drive way and turns off the engine before looking back at me.

“So what’s bothering you, Mikes?”

I bite my lip and grab my bag before he locks the car. No, we’re discussing whatever it is.” he climbs to the back seat to sit beside me, “I just don’t want you running off before you tell me. It’s not good to bottle things, and you make a habit of-”

“Last night Alicia wasn’t there. I lied.” I look down, feeling hot tears warm my eyes, “Gerard I... I’m gay, for one thing. And...you’re going to hate me forever!” a few tears slip down my cheeks.

“No, Mikes I couldn’t hate you! So you were with a boy last night? Explains the...walking.”

“Not just any boy and it wasn’t the first time I... G-Gerard I’m the worst brother ever!” I begin to sob, “I-I tried to talk him out of it! I-I tried to tell him it wasn’t right b-but I-I.. after it started my self control just... it was gone a-and after I would feel so g-guilty and I’m so sorry!”

“Woah, why are you guilty? We all loose self control sometimes, sleeping with a boy isn’t the end of the world.”

“Frank.” I look up to him, tears streaming out of my eyes, “It was Frank.”

Gerard’s eyes widen, “Wh-What?”

“I-I’ve been sleeping with Frank. I-I hate myself for it a-and I can’t pin all of the blame on him but... h-he knew how to make me stop telling him this was wr-wrong. H-He said after..l-last night when I was killing myself with guilt he s-said he was doing you a f-favor, ge-getting it out of his system instead of pressuring you. I-I told him that was b-bullshit but I... it’s my fault and I’m so sorry.” I pull my knees to my chest, sobbing violently.

“Mikey..” Gerard wraps his arms around me, “Calm down. You’re going to pass out. Let’s go inside and get some coffee, okay?”

“St-Stop hugging me! I’m a fuck up! I FUCKED YOUR BOYFRIEND! I’M TERRIBLE!”

“Shh...” He wipes my eyes, “I forgive you, okay? I’m not happy, but right now what’s important is you calming down.”

He helps me into the house and sits me in the kitchen as he brews a pot of coffee. Luckily our parents are at work, or I’d have to explain why I’m a sobbing mess. He sits in front of me, handing me a cup of coffee.

“I have an idea.” he says after taking his first sip.

“I-Idea?” I sniffle and take a large gulp.

He nods, “I’m very angry with Frank. He manipulated you, and cheated on me. I can’t let that go unpunished, so we’ll get him back.”

“H-How?” I look up at him.

He grins, “Give me your phone.”



I slide my window open as I wait for Frank to arrive. I fidget nervously as he gets near.

“A-Are you sure?” I ask Gerard.

“Positive, now remember, I’m not here.” he slips into the closet as Frank climbs into the window.

“Hey Mikes.” Frank grins, lightly pushing me back to sit on the bed, “So you told him it was Alicia?”

“Y-Yeah it was all I could think of.”

Frank grins, “Well it worked.” he pushes me to lie on my back before crawling on top of me, kissing me. Our lips move together slowly as I lightly pull on his hair. He moans softly as the closet door swings open. Covered in fake blood, with a zombie mask, Gerard slowly walks out, groaning. Frank, being terrified of zombies, screams runs to the window as Gerard pulls off the mask and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

He glares at Frank, “You, have just been dumped by both the Way brothers, and if you talk to either of us again I’ll pour scorching hot coffee on your balls. Sound good to you, Mikes?” Gerard turns to me with a grin.

I pick up a mug of steaming coffee from the bedside table, “Sounds great.”

We each take a step towards Frank, laughing as he falls out the window, then runs away in a panic. Gerard grins at me before hugging me tight.

“W-We’re okay?” I ask, still afraid he might say no.

“Okay? We’re great, Mikes.” he smiles.

We laugh as we watch Frank running home, until he’s out of view.

“Guess I owe Alicia an apology...” Gerard frowns.

“Nah, she’s okay with it. It’s a pretty good straight cover until I’m ready to come out...”

He nods, “Yeah...hey, if any of my other boyfriends pull this shit? Let me know immediately.”

I nod, “I promise I will.”

He smiles and closes the window.