FicWad

A/N-Based on the song Born To Die by Lana Del Rey 


Gerard smiled softly as his phone vibrated with a text. Frank. He didn't have to speculate, he already knew it was him. As he tapped his response back he felt Lyn-Z's stare penetrate through his skin. "Is there something I could help you with?" "No, it's just I was- nevermind" "Alright, I'm going out tonight" She looked down at the floor underneath her. "Okay" I knew she had her suspicions I wasn't being faithful to her but she didn't know who to start with. She didn't know that this was the same person who greeted her so kindly although I knew it was all an act because he didn't really like her. I nodded and stood up without another word at her. I grabbed a small duffle bag full of extra clothes because I knew how unpredictable Frank's timing could be. I dashed out the door and walked a few blocks down to where I knew the desert began. I saw the lights of Frank's worn car and ran towards them excitedly. I dropped the duffle bag as I got closer and practically hopped into his embrace. He grunted slightly because of the sudden weight then he relaxed again and tightly hugged me back. His hands went down to my thighs and he boosted me up so that I was wrapped around his body. He set me down gently on the hood of his car and he stared at me intently, my legs spread, with him in between and my arms wrapped around his neck. I gazed at him, lovingly. I loved the moments like this although they never lasted any long because we always had to leave. Leave. Gerard hated that word. Especially because it was Frankie he was leaving. I was snapped back into reality when Frank's soft voice whispered "Gee, I love you" "I love you too, Frankie" We didn't speak after that, there was no need for more words. We said all of our endearments and heartfelt words with our eyes. Frank's face was already close, all I need to do was lift my head up and our lips would touch. I didn't move, not wanting to ruin this moment. Instead it was him who made the moment even better by leaning in and closing the small gap in between us. Our lips melded together into one and there were no fireworks, no explosions anywhere. There was just the silence around us and our shallow low breaths. There were no need for fireworks because not even any of that could describe how I felt when I kissed Frank. There were no words on this planet that could fit with how much I love Frank. He always knew that the only person he could ever say those three words to was Frank. No one else could make him utter those words. I always knew but now that he was here and he was looking at me that way I knew he was the only one that could ignite the passion and love, I had the ability to feel. I shivered slightly as a gust of wind rushed past my face and the blissful look on Frank's face turned into a small frown. "Why don't we go inside the car? You won't be too cold there" "I'm perfect, here" "I don't want you to get sick, Gee" With that, he gripped my thighs again and pulled me up, successfully getting me off the hood and onto the floor. I picked up my bag and sat in the passenger seat next to Frank. He reached across me and opened the glove compartment and took out a pack of cigarettes. He took one out and slid it in between his lips and I couldn't help but squirm around in my seat. He took the lighter from the cup holder. He lit it, inhaled and then exhaled greatfully. I watched him breathe out through parted lips. I slowly manuvered myself into his lap. I put my legs on either side of his and took the cigarette away from his lips. I took a long drag from it and gave it back to him. He held it in between his two tattooed fingers and kissed me again. The slow and tender kiss soon turned into a passionate, intense, and heated one. The warmth was radiating from his body and I tried to get myself closer which I'm sure wasn't humanly possible. Our noses were bumping against eachother with the force our liplock. I wish I didn't have to stop this feeling but I needed to breathe. I rested my forehead against his as we tried to regain our breaths. Once I thought I was okay again I dipped for another one. One of my hands that were on his shoulders traveled down to the seat and searched for the lever to push the seat back. I pushed down on his body so that the seat reclined and clicked into place. We were now laying down on the seat and his hands snuck down to my thighs. He held onto them tightly and I moaned softly into his mouth. Both of our breaths were much faster but we didn't make a move to intensify anything else. We were perfectly content the way we were now. "Gerard, you have to remember that no matter what happens I will always love you, wherever you or I are, you need to know that I will find a way back to you because you're my life and without you I'm nothing." "Please, never give up on me, Frankie. Promise me, that you will save me" " I promise, Gee. I'll protect you from anything and anyone" i sighed in contentment, unaware that soon I would have to leave again. There goes that wretched word again. I slowly drifted off into my unconcious world. I heard a soft and feathery voice calling my name "Gee, wake up" "Huh?" I muttered. "I'll drive you home, love" "Thank you" I squeaked out, quietly. He chuckled a little and smiled at me. I loved his smile and every time I saw it I had to smile back. "But I think first you need to get off me if you want me to drive" I blushed, realizing that I was still on top of him. It warmed my heart that he had not pushed me off of him except held me however long I was asleep. Frank didn't need to do something extreme to show me he loved me. The small gestures he made expressed all the love in the world. If his fingers touched my face, I could just feel all of his love shower over me, shielding me like a blanket. The way he hugged me, as if the last thing he wanted to do was let me go. That was also the last thing I wanted him to do. If it was up to me, we'd be together the correct way. We wouldn't be together behind the backs of anyone. I couldn't dwell on the mistake we both made, not declaring what we felt before we made that decision that made us end up this way. The more I thought about it the more I wouldn't change anything. I know that the bond we have is stronger than anything else in this world and we'll always remain one, if not physically but emotionally. I sighed and he looked at me curiously. " What if we said something before?" "Don't dwell on what we didn't do and think about what we are doing" "You're right" He kissed me on the cheek and I looked down at the carpeted floor. He always made my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat or maybe a couple of beats. He was going to be the death of me and I his. We both knew it. He stopped in front of my house, all of the lights completely shut off. We both noticed that Lyn-Z didn't stay up waiting for me anymore, she had given up. I was glad she had because even though I could never love her, I didn't like causing her pain. I looked at Frank and a flash of jealousy coursed through me as I remembered that Frank had to go back to his own wife. I frowned, suddenly saddened. No matter how much we tried it could never be just the two of us. There was always going to be something there stopping us. I kissed him lightly on the lips and whispered "I love you, I'll see you later babe" "I love you too, sweetheart" I closed the door and headed up the stairs and opened my own door. I closed the door as quietly as I could. "So, it's Frank?" I jolted back as if I have been struck. "God, you scared me" " All this time it was Frank?" Her voice was calm and she wasn't yelling and that could never be good. "Yes" I admitted sheepishly "Why didn't you tell me?" " I knew you'd be angry" "I'd be sad Gerard, but I am angry now that you hid it from me" I didn't say anything because there was nothing to say. 
"For how long has this been going on?" "It never ended" "I saw how you smiled at him" Although I couldn't see her expression I knew she was upset, I also knew why. "I could never make you smile like that but Frank can" "I'm sorry" She stopped talking and I stopped breathing, what was she going to do? "YOU ARE NOT SORRY! FOR YEARS, YOU HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND." "FRANK WILL ALWAYS BE WHAT I WANT. HE IS WHO I LOVE." I yelled back at her. "WHY DIDN'T YOU MARRY HIM THEN? YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH THIS ALL WHEN ALL YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT WAS ABOUT YOUR FRANK" She spat out vemonously. "You could never give me all that he has" That being said, I walked out and slammed the door behind me with more force than I probably needed. I looked for my phone in the pocket of my sweater. I had Frank's number on speed dial and I pressed on the 2. It wasn't even a complete ring before he picked up the phone. "What's wrong?" "Could you meet me at the corner, two blocks from my house?" "Yeah, whatever you want" "Thank you" "Eh, I was starting to miss you anyway" I walked those two blocks as fast as I could and stood there in the corner for Frank to arrive. I heard the noise of an engine heading this way and I instantly recognized it as his car. He stopped in front of me and immidiately stepped out when he saw me on the verge of tears. He went up to me and held me in a bear hug. "What happened, Gee?" "Why didn't we do anything about this before? Why did we wait until now to figure this out" He looked me in the eyes as if he was searching for something. "She found out,didn't she?" "How did you know?" "It's written all over your face" "I really hurt her" He stepped back and looked at the sky vaguely as if he decided something, he looked back down and I saw nothing but sacrafice and pain. "Here's what I want you to do" he began quietly "Go home, apologize to her and fix it. I'll just- I won't bother you anymore" "What? No, Frank" "It's for the best" "The best is being with you" "Apparently not if you're regretting it" "I don't regret anything about you especially not that I love you" "That's what you were telling me, so why pretend right? Just go and be happy with her because I guess I can't do that anymore" "The time I spend with you are the only thing in my day that makes me smile" "Yet, you regret it" "I'm not" "That's the first thing you told me!!" "I told you I wish we could've been different because I just don't want to see you at night! I want to see you all the time! I want to sleep with you and I want to kiss you in the mornings but now that's regretting something" "Why are you dwelling on something you know can't happen! We both know that we made a choice and this is all we can get!" "I can't help but dream, Frank!" "Face reality, this is all we have!" "It's starting to sound like you don't want this anymore" "Maybe it's because I don't want you anymore!"As soon as the words left his mouth he covered his mouth, startled. I just stared at the ground, tearing holes into it. "Oh" "Gerard, I-" "No, you don't need to explain. I see how things are now" "That's not what I meant to say" "But you said it" "I didn't mean it, I love you and you know that" I started to walk away from him when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his chest. "You're not leaving me Gerard" "It's you who is leaving me" Before I could say anything else he planted his lips firmly on mine. I didn't kiss him back but he never took no for an answer and he continued to kiss me until I kissed him back. He switched our positions so that my back was pressed against the car door. He grabbed my hand gently and pressed it to his chest, where his heart should be. As cliche the sentiment was I still loved it. I felt the beat of his heart against my hand. "Gerard, do you feel this?" "Your heart" "It beats for you and when you go it just stops working when I see you again it starts all over again" "I love you more than you think, you are my whole world" It was me who this time closed the space between us. He pushed me forcefully into the car, like if he wanted me to go through it. I reached in back and of me and opened the handle of the car. I ducked my head as I fell into the backseat. His weight landed on top of me and even though he was pretty heavy, I loved the feel of him on top of me. I gasped against his mouth and he patted my legs. On command, I circled my legs around his waist. "Gee" he breathed. He ran his fingers through my hair, moving it away from my face. Now, I could see his face clearly. The moonlight shone on his skin and his eyes looked that beautiful color of green-gray. He looked at me as he pushed his hips against mine. I made a noise of approval but did not dare take my eyes away. He didn't either. We both stared at eachother as he shoved his hips down and as I bucked up. The pressure was building and I really wanted to close my eyes but he was too beautiful to look away from. His hand went down my chest and he popped the button of my jeans. His scrawled on hand dipped inside and I moaned as his fingers grazed my dick. He curled his fingers around the length and started to move his hand up and down, his eyes not leaving my face. He slowly removed my pants and I was glad he had a good heater because it was still too chilly to get naked in a car. Soon, my underwear, my shirt, his own clothes were all gone too and I groaned at just the touch of his bare skin on me. I looked at all his tattoos through a hooded gaze and my mouth began to water as I got lower and lower. He saw me looking at his body with that much want that I was sure was apparent on my face. Somehow, he got harder than he was before. I licked my lips contemplating on what I should ask for. If I wanted to get my mouth around his throbbing erection or ask him to fuck me. Some other time I would suck him off but I knew that right now I wanted him to make love to me. His lips were kissing my chest and teasing my body, he knew what he was doing to me. I could tell by that small smirk I saw on his face as I moaned softly at every time his lips touched my chest. "Frank?" "Yeah, Gee?" his voice came out all breathy, just when I thought he could sound any sexier I heard him say "Can I please make love to you, I really want to be inside of you" That's when my mind really exploded, hearing his voice sound like that. I nodded feverently "Yes,.. Yes please" He sat back giving himself space. He put two fingers in his mouth and spit on them until there was drool dribbling down his chin and his fingers. He bent himself down and put in both his fingers. I tensed around him and held on to the back of the passenger seat tightly. His mouth hovered over my dick and agonizingly slow he began to suck just on the tip. I fumbled for something to say or for a noise to make but there was nothing. I just sucked in a much needed breath. "Oh, god, yes" When I started to move down on his fingers he pulled away. "You ready?" I nodded again, not trusting myself to make coherent words just yet. I watched as he lined himself up and pushed in carefully. "Oh my... Fuck.. Gerard, you're so-" "Go, move c'mon" He went faster but not as I wanted him to. I was pretty vocal when it came to sex and Frank didn't seem to mind, in fact he really liked it. "You're so hot.. You can't even stop talking, goodness." "Just like that, fuck you're so big it almost hurts, go faster, go harder, yes. Like that. Do you think-" He thrusted in harder than before and I thought I lost all my power of speech. "Holy fuck, yes. Frankie, oh my god. That's it, please" He kept brushing up against my prostate and I could barely hear my screams over the pleasure I was feeling. Frank was right there with me, holding me and moaning at the sensation. Sweat covered his forehead and his body. Mine too, was wet. That made our bodies much slicker and we moved against eachother easier. It just increased the pleasure. He wasn't even touching me and I already felt close. I dragged my blunt nails down his back and gritted my teeth as he hit my prostate one last time before the waves of my orgasm washed over me. He kept moving through it and eventually that sent him over the edge too. He came with a small cry and he gripped my hips harder than he had before. When he had come down from his orgasm I wrapped my arms around him as he pulled out of me. "Wow" I said "Yeah, wow" "I love you" "I love you too" He pulled out paper towel from the handy dandy glove compartment and laughed "Is there something you don't have in that thing?" "Yeah" "What?" "The love of my life" "I don't think I'd fit on there" I giggled. He cleaned us up with a grin and he helped me get dressed. Once we had gotten on the remains of his clothes on he grabbed the pack of cigarettes, pushed open the door and climbed out. He motioned for me to follow him, so I did. We both smoked in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence it was pleasant. I watched him smoke and he acted like he didn't notice. "I'm sorry" he apologized out of nowhere. "For what?" "For what happened earlier" "It's alright, Frankie. Forgive me?" "I always will" I smiled and nodded, taking a drag. He held his hand out to me and I entertwined our fingers happily. I heard chuckling from down the street, Frank heard it too but did nothing, thinking there was no threat. The voices got closer until they were passing by us. "Wow, look at that" They whistled. "Look at the couple of faggots we stumble upon" "Shut the fuck up" Frank says calmly, exhaling smoke. "Oh, and what would you do, fag?" "Nothing" "Would you do anything if I messed with your pretty little boyfriend?" Frank laughed dark and menecingly. "If you touch him, I will kill you" "He is really pretty, do you mind if I try?" "Fuck. Off" He moved closer to me and Frank stepped slightly in front of me. "Go away before I do something I'll regret" "Come on buddy, why won't you share your little slut?" That's when I saw Frank's jaw connect with the guy's right cheek. He fell to the ground and growled. Frank growled right back at him "Didn't I fucking tell you to leave him alone?" "You're gonna regret that" He lunged towards Frank and my eyes widened in horror as I saw the glint of silver come from his pocket. "Frank" I said terrified but it was already too late, the guy had jabbed Frank deep in the stomach. I screamed as Frank's limp body fell to the floor. The guy stared at Frank like if he didn't realize what he had done. Like he didn't know what he just did to me. He glanced at me and ran away with their emotionless buddies running behind him. I dropped to my knees and tried to get Frank to respond to me. "Frankie" The amount of blood oozing from Frank's stomach shocked me and I couldn't help but try to stop it although we both knew it wouldn't help. He started to cough and blood also came up from his mouth. "Frank, please stay with me, don't leave me" His eyes were flickering closed and I yelled "No don't you fucking dare close your eyes, look at me. You're going to be okay" "Y-you'll be.. Okay.. Gerard." "I can't be okay without you" "I love you, see you later babe" "No, no! You're not dying! We're going to find away to be together for real!" "Gee, just tell me you love me" " I love you Frank. I love you so much but it's not the end. We'll be together soon" My voice was on the edge of hysterics. "We will be, when you die of old age, if there's an afterlife... I.." My hands were dripping with blood, Frankie's blood. "Frank" I cried. "I'll see you there" he finished. He reached out to touch my face and he ran a digit down my cheek "Sei il mio angelo" He sighed and stared up at the sky. "Ti amo, Gerard" "Ti amo ache io" I said in a rush. He smiled a little and his eyes fluttered closed and his breathing gradually slowed and eventually his heart stopped beating. The tears poured down my cheeks and I kissed his blood stained lips, smearing all of his blood on my lips. "Frankie" I whispered. I didn't know this was going to be the last time we'd actually be together. The pain and loss overwhelmed my senses. I stood up without thinking, picked up his dead body and put him in the backseat carefully. I got into the drivers seat and hit my head against the steering wheel. I gripped it roughly letting all my tears escape. There was no way I could live without him. I blindly ignited the car and drove without destination. Wiping tears from my eyes I noticed I had made it onto the highway. This wasn't fair. I couldn't be without his smile, or his touch, or the way he looked at me. The way we looked at eachother. He looked at me as if I had saved him from hell and I knew I mirrored that. Those weren't even accurate descriptions either and if I had to die to be with him again, if that is what it took, I'd do it. I sobbed in agony. I knew he'd be the end of me and he knew I'd be the end of him. As I steered past the metal security ramp and into a badly place tree, I knew what could describe what we felt. It was an undying love that would be the end of us both. We were born to die for eachother. As I watched the car burn from the top of the hill with Frank closely near me holding my hand I knew I had made the right decision. Now we could truthfully be happily and blissfully as one. 


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