FicWad

I can tell that money's got you working
We've been talking for so long
Now we're finally here in person
I taste pain, and regret in your sweat
You've been waiting for me



My flip flops slapped the heels of my feet, traveling up our three flight walk-up. Readying my keys to fit the locks, I had to ready my responses for Karley's constant probing. She was my best friend but she didn't want to understand why I'd been so physically attached to Gerard. She wasn't the 'love' type--at least, that's what she always said. She always said that it wasn't for her and part of me believed that she was afraid. I could only go off from what I knew and I've felt that way a lot of times. As if I were to damaged beyond redemption for anyone to love. I wasn't sure where I stood with that. I wanted it to prove itself to me in a way. Prove that I could be favored by just one man instead of twenty a night. Throwing dead presidents at my feet, inappropriate thoughts ran through their minds wanting to touch me. Wanting me to be more than their wives could aspire to be. I was the other woman for so many, men and women alike. I was this fantasy for so many people. It was saddening.

I hear music blasting from the inside of the steel door. This could mean one of two things--Kars had company or Kars was having a raging bitch fit. I sighed, slowly turning the key to the top lock, turning the handle slowly. I opened the door to Karley on the elliptical that sat in front of our balcony doors. The curtains were drawn so no one would be able to see her in her scantly clad workout outfit.

"Where ya been, hoe?" She had that stupid grin on her face that told me that she already knew exactly where I'd been. As she spun on the machine, I rolled my eyes ignoring her with a huff. She giggled and suddenly I heard the whirling of fans stop. "You were with him, weren't you?" She followed me into my bedroom sitting on my bed with her legs crossed under her. Her eyes begging for details

"Where else would I be, Kars?" She shrugged.

"I just thought you would give Eric a chance. For once!" She throws up her hands in defeat.

"I told you I wasn't into him and I think he's married." I exhaled, withdrawing myself to my bed beside her.

"And your point is," I giggle lightly. Karley hadn't cared if a man were married with children, she just saw them as objects. She did what she wanted with them, made sure she reaped the benefits and when she got tired, she changed her number and moved on. "I just don't want you to fall for this guy and he can't offer you anything but Wednesday night sex and sketched portraits." She cared for me, but it was more what Gerard had to offer me financially than emotionally.

"He's more than a Wednesday night fuck and I'm not looking for him to offer me anything. I've known him since we were kids and he's just what I want for now." She just stared me blankly in the eyes trying to read the emotions off of me. Scrutinizing me to unveil what happened back at his apartment.

"You've fallen for him." She declared emotionless. This worried me.

"Kars, I don't know yet," She pursed her lips, almost smelling the lie. "I mean, this is the healthiest thing I've ever done for myself. He's not a drug dealer, a stalker and he doesn't want to see me dance." Gerard was the only male I knew that hadn't known me as 'Baby Doll'. He'd never seen me in my fishnets and bright pink corset. He'd never seen my face beaten with rose blush and he'd known me as a brunette. He knew what I did for a living but he knew what I did for a living wasn't me.

"Maybe he should swing by Loki's tonight." I hated this idea. I didn't want him to see how men careened over me. I knew he'd be uncomfortable.

"No, he wouldn't want to do that." She got up from her spot with a questioning look.

"Does he know you're a stripper?" Something in the way she phrased the question bothered me. It was almost as if she was perpetually throwing the fact that in order to make a living I had to prance around on stage half naked and get money thrown at me by men. Often, she forgot where exactly she came from.

"Yes, he knows," I turned facing away from her.

"So, any man with a penis would want to come and see you dance," I didn't want to ask her what that was supposed to mean. "Unless he's your boyfriend." She teased. I was never really bothered by comments until right now. Something popped inside if me, like a straw stressed on both ends. From under my head I grasped the pillow as she turned out of the room.

"He's not my boyfriend!" I launched the pillow, aiming at the back of her head. Before she could disappear into the living room, the pillow hit the back of her head with a thump. She turned around slowly, anger painted the surface of her face.

"Look bitch, you're not going to take your bullshit romance drama out on me," She came at me with her pointed finger as I sat up in bed. "I don't give a fuck what your problem is, but you need to calm the fuck down and quit throwing shit," She finished pounding the pillow back onto my bed. "Now, if you need me, I'll be doing a line in the kitchen." I sat there with my face scrunched up in fury. I knew if Gerard were there he'd tell me how adorable I was when I was mad. He would tell me that she was just envious of how someone could actually love me. Envious that I didn't have to go after other women's husbands.

As she sauntered out of the room, my eyes board holes in the back of her head. How dare she judge me? She was older than I was, looked older than I did and she knew she wasn't wanted on the stage anymore. She was angry because I got the most attention and who was she; some reject barmaid that had to pry attention away from everyone else. She would never understand what I had and three lines a day wouldn't help her. More than anything she was scared of being alone. If she was as brave as she said, why would she befriend a sixteen year-old runaway? Why would she want me to move in with her and make me audition for Loki's? She was afraid that I would take her place and there was no room for her anymore. I looked down at my wrist, there was her name. All I could think of was that the first check I got, I was getting it removed.


Somehow in the midst of being livid, I fell asleep. Only to have my phone vibrate uncontrollably and sing me wide awake. I checked the time, it was a quarter-after-seven and I knew I had to be to work soon. I didn't hear any footsteps or faint snorting in the apartment so I figured Karley left already.

"What a bitch." She had been my ride. I swung my legs to the side of the bed. With my head lying in my palms, I thought about everything. I didn't want to dance for the rest of my life. Sometimes I dreamed of being a normal woman and having a successful marriage along with a family. But when I dreamed of things like that, it amused me more than it inspired me. I guess I had a vast imagination, after all.

I quickly showered, packed my costume and left out into the humid air of the Brooklyn Summer. Denim shorts, blank tank and my hair pulled to the high up on the crown of my head, duffel bag on my right shoulder; I dared anyway to bother me as I walked past groups of men crowding around each other. I got the usual cat-call but that was it. They knew I always kept a blade and I wasn't afraid to use it. I trekked to the subway station, my sneakers beating the concrete of the stairs leading to the platform. Sliding my MetroCard through the machine and patiently awaited the late on arrival train.

I took the train to Brooklyn Beach which gave me two blocks to walk up to the 10 bus. The 10 bus would drop me off three blocks away from Loki's. Usually, around this eight or so, the 10 was crowded with business men with their former Frat Brothers ready to rub a thigh or two, do a couple lines and then slip a Mickey to one of the dancers. Been there, done that. They also knew better than to even look my way. These men had more than shit to lose. One false comment and they'll be paying their soul in alimony. Funny they hadn't recognized me for the woman they worshiped almost every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I wanted to keep it that way. I needn't inherit anymore stalkers.

I sat at the back of the bus with Imogen Heap in my ears, taking me out of my reserved element, and bringing Baby forth. I usually bounced back and forth between Imogen Heap and the Deftones. Something about the sensuality in the music made me lucid and almost drunken with sexuality. I watched carefully out of the window making sure I didn't miss my stop. I started thinking about Gerard and how he would react sitting in one of my audiences awkwardly gazing up at me. I wondered if his pride would get the better of him knowing that he'd been the only man in that crowd who'd had me at his bedside, that he was the only man who truly knew who I was. He'd known me only by Victoria. The thought of him being their displeased me so I shook it, and realized how close to my stop I was.

I watched all of the rowdy Wall Street men get off first. I slowly walked behind them as they howled off of the bus, thank the driver.

"Hey Gladys," I greeted softly. Her wide smile beamed up at me.

"Hey. Working late again, I see," I saw her almost everynight that Karley decided to storm off because she was pissed. "Haven't seen you in a bit." She was really nice and even on my unspeakable nights, she made sure I got back to the train platform safe. She was truly a gem.

"Yeah, my roommate's on the rag again." She cackled loudly.

"That means I'll see you tomorrow, too!" I laughed, forgetting that I had to be to work in ten minutes.

"Exactly! Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then." I waved stepping off of the bus.

"See ya, Honey! Be safe!" She called after me, pulling off.

I walked briskly down the street thinking of Karley and how awkward tonight may be. I didn't think I owed her an apology. Okay, I may have launched a pillow at the back of her head like a torpedo but she deserved it. She was prying into business that wasn't hers to begin with. And she kept making assumptions about my life.

Arriving in front of Loki's I pulled the heavy door open by the old brass handle. I breathed in the cigarette smoke and the darkness that filled the club. I raced past the bar full of people and all of the men howling for Roxxy to finally rip her bikini off and show her breasts. I knew I hadn't been too late because her show began with Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me and ended three songs after with a depressing yet endearing Kissed By A Rose routine. I knew I'd been running behind schedule if she'd been doing pole tricks to Sunshine by Alice In Chains. So I was fairly early. I took the stairs down into the locker room and seen some of the girls packing up.

"You're leaving already, Charisma?" Charisma was about two years older than me. She was a natural dirty blonde with hair down to her ass and the body of a Sports Illustrated model. Charisma was her real name!

"Yeah, this is actually my last week. Eve's letting me leave early all this week!" She exasperated. Eve was the woman who owned the bar. She was much older, around fifty or so, and she inherited the bar from her dead father a couple years ago. She wasn't a horrible manager, she was just focused on the money coming in.

"That's amazing," I engulf her in a large hug. She was fully dressed by that time. "You deserve it! So what are you going to do?" Charisma was a sweet girl. She was an intellectual and at times I wondered why she even worked there.

"Thanks Vicki," She was the only person to ever call me that. "I'm gonna miss you guys and you especially," She had been there when I first started. I was seventeen and she was nineteen. She had put herself through college working at Loki's. She'd always been really nice to me. Showing me different ways to dance and what songs to dance to. "As you know, I graduated in May so I finally got a job as a Curator at the MET!" I was truly happy for her. I wanted to be in that position one day, where I didn't need Loki's anymore.

"Congratulations!" I pulled her into another hug. I was really going to miss her positive attitude and her forward thinking ways. "Don't be a stranger, maybe I could sneak in a few lap dances for you. After all, you're going to be as rich as these Wall Street pricks!" We giggled.

"You can count on it!" Behind her I seen Karley standing there, uninvited.

"I don't mean to interrupt, can I steal Victoria for a minute?" Charisma let go of me and stepped back.

"Yeah, sure. I was on my way out any ways," She grabbed her things and stood at the door. "See ya tomorrow, Vicki!"

"Night, Charisma!" She was gone out of the back door.

"So, I guess she told you that this is her last week?" She tried to make small talk with me as if I should have forgotten how she left me to take the bus.

"Yeah, she did," She had this stupid smile on her face that I wanted to slap off. "I'm going on soon, so I better start changing." I tried to move out of the way but she followed me.

"Look, about this afternoon, I didn't really mean anything I said." I began to unload everything from my duffel bag.

"And…" I began to undress hearing Kissed By A Rose play. I knew after the intermission of Roxxy's set, I was on.

"I shouldn't have butted in to your business," She was trying.

"Go on," I pulled the white decorative fishnets over my calves.

"Victoria, I'm sorry." I smiled victoriously as her smile never faltered from that stupid grin. I turn to her fully attentive.

"Apology accepted," I give her a small hug and go back to dressing. "That was like pulling teeth!" She giggled.

"Eve wanted me to let you know that she cut intermission time in half so you're on soon," I laced the corset on twisting it around but I wasn't able to tighten it. "You need help with that?" I nod. She takes the strings and laces them through correctly. I stood up in the mirror and rosed my cheeks. I realized that she'd been a little close. She drew the laces to the tightest position. My breasts sat perfectly under my chin, perky and ready for the crowd to see them.

"Thanks," I turned to her and that grin wasn't there anymore. She kept eying me up-and-down like those men did. Things were getting weird. The door swung open and Roxxy's head peaked out of it.

"Baby, you're on in five!" Mentally, I was thanking the stars she her set had ended at that time. I watched that shit-eating grin grow on Karley's face again as she left the locker room.

"See you out there, Baby Doll." That's probably the creepiest thing that's ever happened in that locker room. I exhaled heaven a few breaths. She was probably high out of her mind.

"Looks like somebody's got a girl crush!" Roxxy giggled in the nude. I draped on the synthetic blond wig. Fixing the curls to frame my face. I looked like porcelain doll.

"Shut up, Roxxy!" I playfully nudged her, returning the smile.

"Hey, Baby. There's somebody out here to see you." Eve poked her head in. I didn't know who it may have been so I went to the door myself.

"Who is it?" The door opened fully to a man who bared flowers in hand. A man I recognized to be Gerard Way. "Thanks Eve," I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Nothing could hide the surprise, anger and fright that plagued the surface of my face. Eve leaves. "Gee, what are you doing here?" He was puzzled by my reaction.

"Karley called me and told me you wanted me to come out here tonight and watch." The words awkwardly poured from his mouth. I could tell that he'd rather sit in the dressing rooms and wait until got off stage. His eyes questioned my wardrobe head-to-toe. I didn't know what to say but one thing was for sure--I was going to kill Karley.

"Baby, you're on in two," The two of us are frozen in time. She turns to Gerard taking the flowers. "I'll take these." She moves past me to put them on my vanity.

"Gerard, I didn't want you to see me like this." I finally gave after staring at him in silence.

"It doesn't bother me, Victoria. You're beautiful either way." I couldn't help but frown. I was happy that he was so accepting but I didn't want him seeing me around those men out there. My vibe was already ruined and all I thought of doing was slowly torturing my roommate. I heard the crowd's hisses and howls silence as the MC took the mic.

"Go have a seat Gerard, I've gotta go on." I pushed past him and stood behind the curtain. I heard the MC introduce me as 'what everyone's been waiting for'. I giggled to myself feeling enough rage to turn into energy enough to dance and do splits for six hours straight. I began my ritual inhales and exhales, cracking my knuckles as the intro to Purple Rain began to play. The curtains drew up and I'd seen all of the Loki regulars. Eyes peeled open as if only clamps could release them. I began to sway my hips warming up to the crowd, focusing on every face. One face in particular held a set of eyes that warmed me on the inside and mused me to think salacious thoughts as I danced. Part of me knew that this was going to be one of my best performances, yet. I looked over to the bar seeing Karley wink with that grin. I flip her off, tantalizing the crowd with a full split.


Sweat poured from my robed body. My thigh muscles ached from holding my body weight upside down on the pole. I was ready to retire to my vanity and get all of the makeup off. Wads of money stuck to my body and crowded in the sides of the bikini. I made out pretty well that night. Upon taking the wig off, I hear clapping behind me. I look up into the mirror seeing Karley enter the room.

"Impressive show, I must say so myself!" She stood there with her arms folded in victory.

"Go fuck yourself, Karley!" I stepped out of my six inch heels.

"So I take it you enjoyed your surprise?"

"Actually, it was exactly what I needed," I counted out exactly $526 dollars out and shoved it to her chest. "Here you go, half the rent. I'll be back for my things in the morning and if you so much look at me the wrong way, I'll kick the shit out of you!" Usually, I wouldn't imagine being cross with her, but she drew the line tonight.

"Listen to you! The little girl from Jersey's finally got some balls." She lunges at me, pushing me into counter. I felt that snapping notion again as I looked at where her hands were on my arms. Pushing her off of me, I grabbed her and through her into the vanity mirror.

"And you'll always be that washed-up, coke addict from Harlem!" I declared. Fist clenched and ready to contact, I was being pulled off of her by security. She sat there with a snarl, glaring at me loathsomely. "You're all alone now, Karley!" She remained there, nerve stricken.

"You better watch your fucking back, Baby!" She spat at me. I didn't understand what conspired that night, but everything that it led up to made perfect sense. This was the end of everything.