FicWad

Monday rolled around. Bill came to get me for school, but I faked being sick. I didn’t want people to know about what happened, especially him. He’d hold it over my head, the way he liked to tease me that my parents weren’t together anymore. I started making fun of his family problems after a few months of his stupidity. Now if he knew this, he might tell Ace and she’d probably think I was like my dad or something. Either way, I was keeping it on the down low.

My mom was so rattled from the day before, that she wanted me to stay in eye sight all day, so we watched some TV. I wasn’t too worried about the whole ordeal. I liked staying home from school. I was able to write some of my thoughts down when my mom decided to take a nap, since she didn’t sleep well the night before.

My mom depended a lot on me. I was her rock. I kept her steady and did the grown up, manly things for her like mowing the lawn and shoveling snow. It helped her out and it gave me a sense of appreciation. Her and I weren’t very close, but close enough so that she would ask me for favors and help. She didn’t really know me and that was okay. If she knew the real me, I would have been kicked out long ago…

“I’m feeling much better about the whole thing. I shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on you Jeffery. You’re only 14…” My mom finally spoke.

“Don’t worry about it ma. School’s almost out anyway. Besides, I wouldn’t have liked the thought of leaving you home alone anyways.” She cracks a weary smile before looking away.

“Tomorrow is Alyce’s birthday. That poor girl. Here I am, sitting here upset over your father when that poor girl has neither of her parents. You know something should be done about that.”

I glance toward the window, not wanting to think of Ace. If I ever had the chance to be with her, I’d make sure I’d never treat her the way my dad treated my mom.

“Sometimes certain situations make us into better people.” I try to reassure my mom.

“You think, dear?” I nod my head as she stood.

“Well. I think I’m going to go get started on that cake for tomorrow. Make sure you don’t tell her, Jeffery.”

“I know mom.”

It sickened me that I couldn’t have Ace. Who was Bill to claim her anyway? They always say you want what you can’t have, and in my case it was true. Very true. A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts. I quickly rush to the door, hoping it wasn’t my dad.

“Hey?” When I realized it was only Ace, I felt slightly better.

Her skin was glowing and I was beginning to feel the emotions from yesterday. I wanted to grab her and hold her tight in my arms, but out of my peripheral I seen Bill watching us from across the street. Douchebag.

“I heard you were sick and just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead.”

Then my heart jumped. Dead? Why would anyone think I could be dead? Of course I’m over thinking, but the fact that Bill was giving me an awful stare and the fact that my dad was a huge prick, left me uneasy. Plus I hadn’t smoked anything for a while.

“I’m not dead.” That came out a little harsher than I expected.

“I can see that. You don’t seem sick.” She seems mad.

“I’m not in a mood to talk or hangout.”

I kind of lied. I wouldn’t have minded hanging out with her, but I’d be scared it would turn into something more. When I was around Ace, time stood still. When I was around her, I wanted to bleed my heart out and tell her everything I had ever hoped and dreamed of, but I wouldn’t. And why? All for one reason…: Bill.

Ace walks away from me before I could even explain anything. She always had a quick temper… I slam the door, pissed off at myself for ruining things again. Uhh…

“Who was that Jeff?” My mom asks from the kitchen.

“…It was the mailman…”

“He already came by today though.” She peeks her head out from the kitchen.

I don’t look at my mom and take to the stairs. I was going to lock myself in my room until I came up with the words to tell Ace how I felt. This needed to be said. I couldn’t help it anymore…

A couple of hours, and a lot of lines being scribbled out, later, I laid down in my bed. A headache had been wearing on me for the past little bit. As I laid there with my eyes shut, I remembered how Ace needed me so badly 2 days ago. She was putty to my touch and I couldn’t help but like that. The way she rested her head on me gave me shivers. In that moment, I realized how lonely I felt knowing she wouldn’t be mine… A loud noise interrupts my thoughts.

"A little help would be fucking nice Ace." Shit!

I opened my blinds to check out the area. Not so surprising that Bill came to proceed with his plans. Then Ace was in her window. I quickly ducked down and peeked over the window sill. She wouldn’t do anything with him. She didn’t like him. She was disgusted when I told her, so I had nothing to fear…Right?

What was with Bill’s getup? Man, I could smell his cheap church cologne from here. He was trying way too hard. Then my stomach churns. Did Bill really like her as much as I did? From the way he had talked to me about her, he didn’t seem to respect her. Then why would he get all gussied up for a night that might not even happen?

My body started to tremble. A nasty feeling of anxiety was starting to creak into my body. God, why did Bill have to like her?! As far as I was concerned, he had also liked that Gina girl from a few blocks over. Why Alyce? Why did he HAVE to choose Alyce?!

I started to pace back and forth in my room. I needed to control my thoughts. My mind was racing. ‘They’re going to fuck and she’s going to hate you. Obviously you’re nothing special to her’, my mind kept rehearsing. Then a thought occurs. She’s going to see me walking around in my room. Sometimes I can be so stupid.

I turn my light on and quickly glance over to my book shelf to grab a book and look busy. ‘The Missing Piece’ by Shel Silverstein. My younger brother must have left that in here. I grab the book and look inside.

“It was missing a piece.
And it was not happy.
So it set off in search
of its missing piece.”

I just stared blankly at the page as my heart was being tortured by Alyce. She was kissing Bill. Bill was kissing her. Did she even have feelings for me? Or was that a crock of shit? I turn off my light and flop down on my bed. This was killing me. Alyce was mine and I knew I had feelings for her, but from everything that had happened, the pieces were adding up and the puzzle pointed to her not liking me.

I had to have heard Sweet Emotion, at least 10 times that night. I peeked up from the window, to see what I had hoped to not see… There, Bill was manhandling Alyce. My Alyce. My stomach churned some more as I struggled to find my permanent marker and a piece of paper. The only piece of paper I had left, was the one that I had recently scribbled that stupid lyric on. ‘Think About You’ my fucking ass. More like ‘Think About What You’re Doing You Dumb Prick’. I quickly wrote in big bold letters, ‘Close the fucking blinds’. I would have rather been trapped in an iron maiden at this point.

I sat there, shocked, peeking up from my window. Why did my window have to be so close to hers? Sometime in the midst of their sexual encounter, Bill looked up to see me. A big stupid grin appeared on his face as he gave me a thumb’s up. I closed my eyes tightly and forced myself to look cool about the whole situation. I unenthusiastically gave him a thumb’s up in return. Dick head.

I threw my pillow over my head and laid down again. I wanted to go over there and beat the shit out of Bill. I didn’t want to think of Ace. I didn’t want to see her anymore. It scared me how much she meant to me. I didn’t like that I was feeling this close to someone. I was becoming claustrophobic. My lungs felt like two paper bags in a snow storm; flimsy and rotting away. How long had it been?

Then I heard Bill descending from Alyce’s window. I throw the pillow at my closet, knocking down a few pairs of jeans while I’m at it. I peek up to see a note dancing in her window.

‘Why?’

Was she seriously asking me this? I grab the piece of paper that was hanging, turn it over and write again.

‘Because it’s gross’. That was an understatement. Seeing them together like that made me physically ill.

'It's not like we're anything Iz.' My heart felt like it stopped beating. Are we really nothing? This whole time that I thought she might like me, or even love me, and we’re nothing? I felt the buildup of acid in my throat. I quickly grabbed that stupid ‘The Missing Piece’ book, ripped out the page I read, and wrote back.

'Are you 2 going out?' I needed to know. I needed to know if I had to move on. I needed to know if the world was as unfair as I had believed.

'He loves me.'

I lost it. My stomach was starting to spit bile. I had to get to the bathroom. I got up quickly and dragged myself to the bathroom, trying to forget about everything in the process. My mouth burned, my throat felt like it was on fire. My heart…it felt cold…

“Jeffery is that you?” I heard my mom’s calm voice from the other side of the door.

I couldn’t answer her. My mouth burned as the horrible, toxic sickness rose up through my body. My body expelled my stomach’s contents. My eyes watered as the burning sensation built up some more. I felt weak. I felt helpless. There was a deep pain in my chest as the vomit came up much quicker than the last.

My mom quickly opened the door as she heard me being sick. She rushed over to the bathroom cabinet to grab a cloth. When my stomach had finished ejecting everything, I fell to the floor. It took everything out of me seeing those words. My mom quickly pulled me up to wash my face with the dampened cloth.

“What happened? Are you sick my dear?”

I kept my eyes tightly shut. Sure, I was sick. I was sick of life. I was sick of this town. I was sick of having to keep everything inside while others could go around expressing how shitty they felt.

“This isn’t from what happened yesterday, is it? I knew I should have told you to go back upstairs!”

“It’s okay ma. I think it’s just a flu or something…”

…Or a case of a broken heart…