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I don't own Harry Potter. All Praise to the Great one! (JK Rowling)


This is my first fanfiction. It was inspired by Dudley's Dilemma by Taran Fortescue. It is my favorite fanfic. But like so many, was never completed. I have therefore decided to write my own version of the story.


It is and next generation fanfic in which Dudley discovers that his son is a wizard.








Chapter 1


It seemed a day like any other at the Dursley household. Dudley Dursley had just come home from Wal-mart where he worked as a manager. His old neighborhood had been taken over as company housing five years before. But he continued to rent the home his parents had owned when he was a child. Dudley read his newspaper while his wife, Daisy, prepared dinner and his two sons played video games in the living room. The older boy, Daren had just beaten his younger brother when the mail arrived and Daren retrieved it and began looking through it. There was the usual assortment of bills and junk mail but one envelope caught his eye. It was addressed to him and was sealed with a strange seal imprinted in wax. Daren handed the rest of the mail to his dad and began opening his letter when his father ripped it from his hands.





"What have you got here boy!" bellowed Dudley to his son.





He pulled the letter out of it envelope and began to read. Dudley's face got visibly paler as he read while ignoring his son's squeals of protest. Dudley raced up to the master bedroom and locked the door. How could this have happened? What could he do? His freak of a cousin would know how to help him but he hadn't seen him in years. He sat on the bed and used the remote console to activate the video screen and access the internet. A quick search led him to the Ministry of Magic web site and he sent them an email:





From: dudleydursley@walmart.com


To: momagic@uk.gov


Subject: Searching for cousin, Harry Potter





Dear Sir,


I am seeking to contact my cousin, Harry Potter. Any help you can offer wouyld be appreciated.





Sincerely,





Dudley Dursley





Dudley exited the internet and stared for the door. He had just put his hand on the doorknob to go downstairs when he heard a rapping on the window. He turned and saw a large falcon tapping on the window with a note tied to his leg. When Dudley opened the window, the bird thrust its' leg at him so that he could retrieve the note. He opened it and read:





Dudley,


I was surprised to hear that you were looking for me. Is every thing all right? Please send a reply back with this falcon immediately if you are safe.





Harry





Dudley quickly wrote back a reply and cautiously tied it to the leg of the falcon.





Harry,


My son got an invitation to that freaky school you went to and I need ehlp to deal with situation before one of your kind shows up to give me another tail. Please come to dinner tomorrow night to help me explain our dark family secret to my family and dress NORMALLY! It is going to be had enoght for to accept this weirdness as it is. Also if you have any family bring them along.





Dudley








Harry Potter sat in his library reading an ancient tome when the mail arrived. A falcon landed on his lap and screeched at him. He wondered why the Ministry would send him an urgent message. He hoped that Ginny and Neville were all right. He opened the message and saw that is was a printout of an e-mail that his cousin had sent him. Harry wondered what his cousin could want. Had another dark wizard arisen and attacked him through his cousin. He quickly scrawled a note to Dudley and sent it when he heard a squeal from two of his children.





"I got it! I got it! Screamed Selene and Sirius as they ran to their father clutching their Hogwart's announcements with their younger siblings hot on their heels. Harry hugged his two oldest children and congratulated them.





"Looks like we've got another generation of Gryfindors in the family" Said Harry.





"How do you know Selene won't end up in Ravenclaw?" his wife said in her dreamy voice. "the Patil twins ended up in separate houses"





"Well, Sirius and I come from a long line of Gryfindors" replied Harry "and Selene should have a least a 50/50 chance of getting into my house.





Just then, the Falcon returned with a letter from Harry's cousin Dudley. When Harry read it his jaw dropped! Then he looked at his family through Dudleys eyes. His wife was wearing a sarong and no top. Her multitude of silver necklaces served to emphasize her breasts rather than cover them up. Her left eye swiveled to peer at him through the side of her head. She had inherited it from their old friend Mad Eye Moody. And his multitude of children and stepchildren would only cause questions and Dudley might not want to know the answers to. He made a decision.





At Dinner, Dudley Dursley made an announcement.





"I have a cousin. I haven't seen him since I was seventeen but I have invited him over for dinner tomorrow night."





"I never knew you had a cousin" said his wife, Daisy "Is that who sent Daren that letter that you won't let anyone see?"


"No" replied Dudley. "But it is related to him. He will explain it all tomorrow night. Until then, there is to be no more discussion of it."








The next night, at 6 o'clock the doorbell rang at 4 Privet Drive. Dudley Dursley made sure that he was the one to answer the door. He opened the door and was relieved to see that Harry was wearing a suit. Beside him, stood a blonde woman with and eye patch. Her dress was suitably conservative. Her hair was up in a bun, held in place by a very large wooden chopstick. Also present were two children, a pale blonde girl and a red haired boy. Both of them appeared to be about Daren's age.





"Dudley?" inquired Harry. "It's amazing how much you look like Uncle Vernon"





"Well thank you, Harry" replied Dudley "I you look pretty good yourself. Come in, I'd like you to meet my family. This is my wife, Daisy and my Sons, Daren and David."





"This is my wife, Luna, Our Daughter, Selene and my son, Sirius. They will be starting school with Daren this year I thought he might like to meet some of his classmates."





"You mean I've got cousins who live nearby and I didn't even know about it" inquired Daren.





"Actually, you will be going away to a private school." Said Dudley, handing his son the letter.





"Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizzardry?" asked Daren " I thought there is no such thing as magic"





Daisy Dursley gasped "oh my god! Our very own wizard in the family! I didn't think it could be true!" She rushed up to her son and began showering kisses on him.


This was not the reaction that Harry or Dudley had expected from her. They both gaped at her. Finally, Harry said: "I didn't think you would take this so well"





"Well it just stands to reason that she'd be happy that her son is not a squib like her" observed Luna.





"What!" exclaimed Harry "I can't believe it! Dudley Dursley married a squib! I though that when you found out your son was a wizard that you would try to hide it from him, like your father did with me. But to marry a squib . , ,"





"Now see hear Harry Potter" Growled Dudley. "You can't go around calling my wife a squid!"





"That's SquiB not SquiD" said Harry. "A squib is the non-magical child of pure blood parents. You married into a wizarding family, Dudley"





"That can't be true" stammered Dudley. "I've met her parents and they're perfectly normal!"





"Actually, my parents are squibs too" confessed Daisy. "I figured nobody in my family was ever going to magical, so I've done my best to live my life without it"





Dudley felt like his world was spinning out of control. "I need a drink" he mumbled as he shuffled over the liquor cabinet. He poured himself a shot of whisky and gulped it down.





After dinner, Dudley pulled Harry aside and told him: "listen, I'm a bit worried about the cost of this school. Our standard of living has dropped a bit since we were kids. I don't get paid very much."





"Don't worry about it" said Harry. "Wizards use a different kind of money than muggles and I have quite a bit of it. I'll take care of Daren's schooling. In fact, I was planning to take the kids to by buy school supplies tomorrow. Why don't I take Daren with me?"





"I really appreciate your help Harry. I never thought your kind of people would intrude into my life so much."





"I'm just trying pay back an old family debt. Your parents didn't have to take me it when I was a baby. I never got a chance to thank them."











When they returned home, they found Ginny and Neville had returned. Ginny greeted Harry with a deep kiss, her tongue hungrily probing into his mouth. Neville was equally glad to see Luna and they soon apparated to her bedroom for the night.





"God I missed you!" said Neville as his wife climbed onto him. Luna liked to make love sitting facing him and she moved slowly on him as she kissed him and co-coordinated her breathing with his. In this position they could make their lovemaking last all night long and since it had been a month since then had seen each other, they took their time.

















The next morning After the Dursleys had breakfast and Dudley Dursley had gone to work, Daren sat in the living room contemplating the strange letter he had received from the mysterious Hogwarts school that he had learned on the night before. All his life, his father had insisted that here was no such thing as magic. Then suddenly, last night, he had learned that there were indeed wizards and witches and that he had relatives who did magic and he was going to learn to do it him self. Could it really be true? His musings were suddenly interrupted as simultaneously the door bell rang and his young brother, David snatched the letter out of his hands.





"Hey! Give that back!" yelled Daren and he began chasing his younger brother around the room. He caught David and retrieved his letter just as his mother called for them.





"Boys!" called their mother, "get out here it's time to go"





The two boys, Daren and David Dursley ran down the steps and out the door pushing each other in their efforts to be first out of the house. When they got outside, Daren saw his Uncle Harry wearing a Red and gold Robe. His cousins Selene and Sirius were wearing black robes that were slightly too small for them as was a brown haired boy he appeared to be about the same age. There was also a slightly plump woman with red hair in a blue robe. Daisy stepped out of the house and locked the door.





"Actually" said Harry, "I thought we were just taking Daren."





"Oh no, I wouldn't miss this for the world! Dudley was glad he had to be at work today, but I am looking forward to it. I've had very little contact with the wizarding world. I only saw magic a few times when distant relatives came to visit. So where are you parked?"





"We don't own a car. I thought we'd take the Knight Bus." said Harry. He walked out to the curb and lifted his wand. Instantly and triple-decker bus appeared out of thin air in front of him. As they boarded the bus, David tapped the brown haired boy in the shoulder and asked him who he was.





"Oh, he's our step-brother Romy" said Sirius.





The children took seats in the front on the bus on the top floor. The Dursley boys were transfixed by the sight of trees, cars and houses jumping out of the way of the Knight Bus as it sped through the countryside. It was like one of his video games come to life! Finally, the novelty wore off enough that a question occurred to Daren.





"Who's she?" he said indicating the red-haired stranger that had come with them.





"That's me Mum" replied Sirius matter-of-factly.





"I thought Aunt Luna was your mother" said Daren.


"No, she's my Mother" replied Selene dreamily. "We're quite and eclectic tribe. Romulus is not even related to us"





Just then, they arrived at their destination, a run down looking pub called The Leaky Cauldron. When then entered, Daren found that everyone was dressed as strangely as his new relations. Uncle Harry led them into the back alley where he tapped the bricks on a wall and made them open up onto a busy street filled with witches and wizards. As they went through the various shops looking for various school supplies: Wands and Cauldrons, Books and robes, Owls and Brooms, Daren was filled with a sense of wonder at this new world that was suddenly open to him. Weasly's Wizarding Weases particularly interested Daren, But Uncle Harry limited what he would let them buy there.


After shopping, they stopped for some ice cream. Daisy could no longer contain her curiosity.





"So, what's going on with you two?" inquired Daisy.





"What do you mean?" replied Harry.





"Well, last night, you introduced a different woman and your wife. Selene called her mother and Sirius called her Aunt Luna. Today, you show up with a different woman who Sirius calls Mum and Selene and Romy both call Aunt Ginny. And then there's Romy, whom both of you have referred to as your stepson."





"We are part of a polyamorous family of six adults and ten children" explained Ginny. "So, you see, Harry is married to both me and Luna"





"I knew that having a wizard in the family would be hard enough on Dudley. I thought springing the whole tribe on him at once would be too much for him to take" said Harry.





"So is this group marriage thing part of the magical culture?" asked Daisy.





"Goodness no" said Ginny.





"About fifteen years ago, there was a war in the magical world." explained Harry. "A Dark Lord arose and stated killing wizards, witches and their families. Dudley's Parents were amongst those who were killed."





"I thought they died in a car accident" said Daisy.





"Yeah, that's what his parents told me about my parents" replied Harry. "So, anyway, fighting alongside each other in this war drew us all very close together. So we decided to turn our loose network of lovers into a tribal family."





"So how do wizards make money? Do you have jobs and do you simply conjure money out of thin air?" asked Daisy.


"We all work as Aurors for the Ministry of Magic" said Ginny.





"We're kind of the wizard version of MI5 agents" explained Harry. "We take turns going on assignments so there are always at least three adults to watch the kids"





"That sounds exciting!" said Daisy.











After shopping, the group went back to the Dursley's house at #4 Privet Drive. When Dudley Dursley came home, he was horrified to learn that his wife had taken their youngest son on the shopping trip and wanted to hear nothing more of it. Against the protests of the rest of the family, he locked all of Daren's new magical school supplies in the cupboard under the stairs and wouldn't let him have them before he went off to school.





The next week passed slowly for Daren. The only item he had been able to keep in his room was Mara, the screech owl that had to be let out to eat at night.








Finally, the day arrived to begin school. Daren noticed that his father appeared to be in a particularly grouchy mood today. His father said hardly a word to him during the drive. When they got to the train station, Dudley asked his son which platform the train would be at. When he had been younger, his parents had always left his cousin, Harry in front of the station. So, he had never been to the platform from which the Hogwarts Express left for that school of weirdoes. He secretly wished that both his cousin and his son had gone to Saint Brutus' school for incurable criminal boys. It would be better to have criminals in the family than wizards. Criminals, he could deal with. Wizards? . . . His thoughts were interrupted by his son's reply.





"Platform nine and 3/4"





"Platform nine and ¾?!" bellowed Dudley. "There's no such thing as platform nine and ¾! Either it's platform nine or platform ten. Which is it?"





"The ticket says platform nine and ¾" said Daren.





"Let me see that!" growled Dudley as he tore the ticket out of his son's hand.





Just then, Dudley's cousin Harry arrived at the head of a large throng of oddly dressed witches, wizards and children.





"Everyone" said Harry to the Dursleys, "I'd like to meet my family. This is Remus and Tonks." He said, gesturing to a shabby middle-aged man and a purple haired woman.





"Luna and Ginny, Neville, Selene, Sirius, Romy, George, Minerva, Lily, Charlie, Bill, Uther, and Rubeus."





All of the children were younger than Daren except the three he had previously met. All of the boys had red hair except Romy and none of the girls did. Minerva had blue hair and Lily's hair was black.





"Yes, Daisy told me about how perverted your family was" sneered Dudley. "I should have known that even amongst your kind of people, you would turn out to be some kind of weirdo."





"He's actually quite grateful for your help" said Luna as her "Mad-eye" swiveled his way. "He's just using belligerence as a defense mechanism."





"Now see here!" roared Dudley. "Just because I'm grateful for your help doesn't give you the right to psychoanalyze me!"





As Dudley continued his tirade against Luna, Harry took advantage of the distraction to pull Daren aside and have a talk with him.





"I've got a going away present for you" said Harry pulling a blank piece of parchment from his pocket. "It's called the Marauder's Map. It's a map of Hogwart's, but it only works when you are there." He showed Daren how to use it and then Daren slipped it into his pocket.





While they had been talking, Dudley had been yelling non-stop. Daren couldn't quite hear Luna say something back that made both sides of the family roar with laughter.





"Trust me old boy" said Neville, slapping Dudley on the back. "Don't even try to argue with Luna. She doesn't fight fair."





"Alright" said Ginny, "enough jabbering. Children, follow me to the platform." She led the throng down to the area between platforms 9 and 10 and walked through the wall.





"I can't do that!" exclaimed Dudley. "I'm not a Wizard!"





"It's easy" said Tonks, "just close your eyes as your are walking towards the wall."





"But . . . but . . . but . . ." stammered Dudley.





"It's okay" said Harry, putting a hand on his cousin's shoulder. "If this is too much for you, I can take Daren the rest of the way."





"Not without me. I'm dying to see this!" said exclaimed Daisy.





"Me too! Me too!" piped in the youngest Dursley child.


Dudley watched the last of his family disappear into the walk leaving him alone in the terminal. "Bloody hell!" he exclaimed as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and proceeded to walk towards the wall until he bumped into someone.





"You can open your eyes now" said Remus





Dudley opened his eyes to reveal an old-fashioned steam train being boarded by a bunch of oddly dressed children. Their even more oddly dressed parents were bidding them farewell as they boarded the train.





"Well son, look like this is it. Promise you'll study hard and do well in school and don't forget to write." Said Dudley, patting his son on the shoulder.





"I will dad" said Daren.





"Take care Darenkins!" said Daisy, kissing her son on the cheek.





"Aw Mum!" protested Daren as he tried to wipe the kiss away.





After the kids had boarded the train, the adults and younger children left the station and returned to their homes.