Categories > Books > Harry Potter > A Wicked Tale Of Witches, Wands, Booze, and, Swagger
AN: I quit drugs a few months ago, so I'm writing this stone cold sober. I even quit smoking cigarettes. I hope you cocksuckers appreciate a good story, even if I'm sober.
666
Chapter 2
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“Remember, you are a Malfoy.” My new father handed me my wand. “You see this symbol?” He pointed to a coat of arms on the wand's shaft.
I resisted rolling my eyes. Three snakes coiled around a wand. “Our coat of arms, Father.” I answered. “It has been on every Malfoy's wand for twenty two hundred years.” I elaborated before he could continue.
Father's face twitched at my American accent. “And what does it mean?” He questioned.
“That I must honor the traditions of my family and uphold the honor of this symbol” I held up the wand. “That I must learn the duties of a pureblood scion and remain pure for the generations after me.” I recited from memory. “That I must add to the honor of possessing this symbol for the generations of pureblood wizards that will come after me.”
Mother wrapped her arms around me from behind. She was a very physically possessive woman. She was constantly running her fingers through my hair or hugging me. Since leaving St. Mongo's yesterday, she had not let me out of her sight.
Father on the other hand, kept repeating traditions and proper conduct for me to follow. I much preferred his no nonsense attitude to Mother's constant 'mothering'.
The train whistle blew.
'Remember, you are a Malfoy, You are my son.” Father gripped my shoulders and brouht me in close for a hug. I stood there stiffly as the middle aged man let out a tear. “This is the start of a great wizard's education.” He sniffed. “Make me proud.”
Mother turned me around. “I want you to have fun at school. Make a plenty of friends and write me every day. I'll send you your favorite chocolates every morning.” She had tears leaking from her eyes. “And remember to change your underwear every day.”
A few boys next to us began to snicker.
Mother hugged me close as she smothered me in her bosom. “Remember that I already told your friends Crabbe and Goyle's mothers that you were cursed with an American accent. Don't tell them anymore.” She choked back a sob. “No one needs to know about your sickness.”
She began to sob openly.
The train whistle blew again.
“Now I want you to go and have a good year at school. You will get to come home for Christmas in a few months. I want you to keep your head high.” She hugged me again. “Now go enjoy your school year.” She gave me a light push toward the train.
I dragged my weightless trunk behind me as I boarded the train. I found an empty compartment in the back and stowed my trunk up on the rack above the seats. I sat down and closed my eyes.
What a fucking trip!
I never expected being crazy to be so entertaining. I would have taken six hits of Tony's LSD years ago if I knew this shit would happen...
and then I remembered the wife I left behind.
Or not.
666
The compartment door opened with a clatter. I jerked back to awareness as the noise woke me up. Two large boys entered the train compartment. I assumed they were Crabbe and Goyle.
“Whats up, guys?” They looked at me strangely and didn't reply.
“Whats wrong?” I questioned “Is there something on my face?”
“Err-” One began to voice his thoughts before another spoke for him “We heard about...”
“But we didn't believe it.” The other finished. “Its just so...”
“Amazing!” The first one exclaimed.
“I've never heard someone talk like that before.” The second boy spoke up.
“Mother said you got cursed by a mublood in Diagon alley.”
I nodded. “Yeah, some mudblood cursed me in the back.” I agreed.
Was I really stuck with these two as friends? I don't remember Draco Malfoy having any other friends in the books or movies. These were just kids. Not normal kids either.
Fucking dumb kids.
Really dumb.
Lets see how far I can take this delusion.
“Dobby!' I called into the air.
There was a little pop as Dobby the house elf appeared in the train compartment. “Bring me three glasses and a bottle of whiskey would you?”
The house elf looked nervous. “Dobby doesn't think old Master would approve of-” I interrupted.
“But thats the point isn't it? Your my elf right?” Dobby nodded. I asked Father for Dobby as a personal elf to help me get reacquainted with wizard life easier. He'd agreed without blinking an eye. A house elf was far cry from the Abraxen horse I'd wanted before my 'illness' he'd said.
“I's your elf young master!” Dobby agreed.
“Well I want you to prove that you are my elf.” I said harshly. “After You go get that whiskey, I have a mission for you! I want you to help Harry Potter for a day!”
Dobby's eyes widened.”Help the great Harry Potter for a day?” He whispered.
“Father wouldn't approve of that would he?” I questioned in a lighter tone. “He wouldn't approve at all.” I ended with a whisper as I brought my face closer to Dobby's.
Dobby shook his head back and forth. “No, old Master wouldn't approve at all.” He squeaked.
“But we can keep a secret can't we?' I questioned again. “We can keep that we want to help the great Harry Potter from Father can't we?”
Dobby nodded frantically, tears in his watery eyes. “Anything to help the great Harry Potter.”
“Go get the whiskey and glasses, Dobby.” I smiled sweetly at the elf.
He vanished with a pop.
Crabbe and Goyle stared at me wide eyed.
“What?” I asked. “You never seen someone manipulate an elf before?”
Number one began to speak. “You want to help Harry Potter?”
“Sure, he killed the latest dark lord as a baby.” I waved my hand dismissively. “He did me a favor, too.”
“What favor?” Number two asked.
“He cleared the way, of course.”
666
I had a little buzz going.
“No, sip it Goyle.” I admonished the burgeoning alcoholic. He wanted to pour the whole high-ball down his throat like a college girl.
“Like this.” I gave Goyle an example as I took a sip out of my own glass.
“Here, let me refill that.” I poured another couple of fingers in his little glass.
The compartment door opened with a click and swoosh. I glanced over at the frizzy haired girl and pudgy little boy that entered.
“Have you seen a toad? Neville-” She stopped talking and took a sniff of the air. “Are you imbibing?”
What a vocabulary for a little girl...
“Just a little bit.” .I pinched my forefinger and thumb together to mime 'little' as I offered her my highball glass. “Would ya like some, darlin'?”
She turned her nose up with a sniff. “Thats illegal.” The pointed at the bottle. “You could get arrested for underage drinking, or worse...” She lowered her voice. “expelled.”
“Whats underage drinking?” I played dumb. “Is that a muggle thing?” I gestured at the bottle on the seat. “We're wizards. There is no age limit on drinking.” I bluffed with a laugh. “Imagine if we all had to follow muggle rules.”
Crabbe and Goyle began to laugh along with me like it was a big joke. They were well on their way to wasted. “Silly mudblood.” Crabbe grunted. Goyle laughed anew.
I noticed the pudgy boy, Neville, flinch as Crabbe said the word 'mudblood'.
“I apologize for Crabbe's words.” I hoped to repair the situation before I lost my buzz. “Allow me to introduce myself.”
I stood and bowed with a flourish. “It is customary for witches and wizards to introduce themselves before beginning any conversation with a stranger.” Father had drilled wizard customs into my head. “My name is Draco,” I extended my hand. “Draco Malfoy.”
Neville gagged on his tongue.
Frizzy hair lowered her nose a little bit as she bit out a curt “Hermione Granger” She reached out her hand to shake mine.
I bowed and kissed the back of her hand instead.
“Ah, your parents are fans of Shakespeare, I take it?” I smiled at her as charmingly as I could. “It is wonderful to meet such a beautiful young lady. On behalf of the Ancient and Noble House of Malfoy, I welcome you to the wizarding world.”
I was laying it on pretty thick.
She blushed a little bit as she took her hand back.
“Thank you.” she stuttered as she backed out of the compartment. I continued to give her my most charming smile. I turned my smile on Neville. He squeaked as he rushed from the compartment.
As the door closed, I turned to look at the, once again, staring duo of Crabbe and Goyle.
“Why were you so nice to that mudblood, Draco?” Crabbe asked. Goyle nodded his head.
“You guys have a lot to learn if you want to keep hanging out with me.” I flicked Crabbe on the forehead with a finger. “She was going to report us to the prefects of course.”
I held up the bottle of hooch and shook it.
Dimwits...
666
666
Chapter 2
666
“Remember, you are a Malfoy.” My new father handed me my wand. “You see this symbol?” He pointed to a coat of arms on the wand's shaft.
I resisted rolling my eyes. Three snakes coiled around a wand. “Our coat of arms, Father.” I answered. “It has been on every Malfoy's wand for twenty two hundred years.” I elaborated before he could continue.
Father's face twitched at my American accent. “And what does it mean?” He questioned.
“That I must honor the traditions of my family and uphold the honor of this symbol” I held up the wand. “That I must learn the duties of a pureblood scion and remain pure for the generations after me.” I recited from memory. “That I must add to the honor of possessing this symbol for the generations of pureblood wizards that will come after me.”
Mother wrapped her arms around me from behind. She was a very physically possessive woman. She was constantly running her fingers through my hair or hugging me. Since leaving St. Mongo's yesterday, she had not let me out of her sight.
Father on the other hand, kept repeating traditions and proper conduct for me to follow. I much preferred his no nonsense attitude to Mother's constant 'mothering'.
The train whistle blew.
'Remember, you are a Malfoy, You are my son.” Father gripped my shoulders and brouht me in close for a hug. I stood there stiffly as the middle aged man let out a tear. “This is the start of a great wizard's education.” He sniffed. “Make me proud.”
Mother turned me around. “I want you to have fun at school. Make a plenty of friends and write me every day. I'll send you your favorite chocolates every morning.” She had tears leaking from her eyes. “And remember to change your underwear every day.”
A few boys next to us began to snicker.
Mother hugged me close as she smothered me in her bosom. “Remember that I already told your friends Crabbe and Goyle's mothers that you were cursed with an American accent. Don't tell them anymore.” She choked back a sob. “No one needs to know about your sickness.”
She began to sob openly.
The train whistle blew again.
“Now I want you to go and have a good year at school. You will get to come home for Christmas in a few months. I want you to keep your head high.” She hugged me again. “Now go enjoy your school year.” She gave me a light push toward the train.
I dragged my weightless trunk behind me as I boarded the train. I found an empty compartment in the back and stowed my trunk up on the rack above the seats. I sat down and closed my eyes.
What a fucking trip!
I never expected being crazy to be so entertaining. I would have taken six hits of Tony's LSD years ago if I knew this shit would happen...
and then I remembered the wife I left behind.
Or not.
666
The compartment door opened with a clatter. I jerked back to awareness as the noise woke me up. Two large boys entered the train compartment. I assumed they were Crabbe and Goyle.
“Whats up, guys?” They looked at me strangely and didn't reply.
“Whats wrong?” I questioned “Is there something on my face?”
“Err-” One began to voice his thoughts before another spoke for him “We heard about...”
“But we didn't believe it.” The other finished. “Its just so...”
“Amazing!” The first one exclaimed.
“I've never heard someone talk like that before.” The second boy spoke up.
“Mother said you got cursed by a mublood in Diagon alley.”
I nodded. “Yeah, some mudblood cursed me in the back.” I agreed.
Was I really stuck with these two as friends? I don't remember Draco Malfoy having any other friends in the books or movies. These were just kids. Not normal kids either.
Fucking dumb kids.
Really dumb.
Lets see how far I can take this delusion.
“Dobby!' I called into the air.
There was a little pop as Dobby the house elf appeared in the train compartment. “Bring me three glasses and a bottle of whiskey would you?”
The house elf looked nervous. “Dobby doesn't think old Master would approve of-” I interrupted.
“But thats the point isn't it? Your my elf right?” Dobby nodded. I asked Father for Dobby as a personal elf to help me get reacquainted with wizard life easier. He'd agreed without blinking an eye. A house elf was far cry from the Abraxen horse I'd wanted before my 'illness' he'd said.
“I's your elf young master!” Dobby agreed.
“Well I want you to prove that you are my elf.” I said harshly. “After You go get that whiskey, I have a mission for you! I want you to help Harry Potter for a day!”
Dobby's eyes widened.”Help the great Harry Potter for a day?” He whispered.
“Father wouldn't approve of that would he?” I questioned in a lighter tone. “He wouldn't approve at all.” I ended with a whisper as I brought my face closer to Dobby's.
Dobby shook his head back and forth. “No, old Master wouldn't approve at all.” He squeaked.
“But we can keep a secret can't we?' I questioned again. “We can keep that we want to help the great Harry Potter from Father can't we?”
Dobby nodded frantically, tears in his watery eyes. “Anything to help the great Harry Potter.”
“Go get the whiskey and glasses, Dobby.” I smiled sweetly at the elf.
He vanished with a pop.
Crabbe and Goyle stared at me wide eyed.
“What?” I asked. “You never seen someone manipulate an elf before?”
Number one began to speak. “You want to help Harry Potter?”
“Sure, he killed the latest dark lord as a baby.” I waved my hand dismissively. “He did me a favor, too.”
“What favor?” Number two asked.
“He cleared the way, of course.”
666
I had a little buzz going.
“No, sip it Goyle.” I admonished the burgeoning alcoholic. He wanted to pour the whole high-ball down his throat like a college girl.
“Like this.” I gave Goyle an example as I took a sip out of my own glass.
“Here, let me refill that.” I poured another couple of fingers in his little glass.
The compartment door opened with a click and swoosh. I glanced over at the frizzy haired girl and pudgy little boy that entered.
“Have you seen a toad? Neville-” She stopped talking and took a sniff of the air. “Are you imbibing?”
What a vocabulary for a little girl...
“Just a little bit.” .I pinched my forefinger and thumb together to mime 'little' as I offered her my highball glass. “Would ya like some, darlin'?”
She turned her nose up with a sniff. “Thats illegal.” The pointed at the bottle. “You could get arrested for underage drinking, or worse...” She lowered her voice. “expelled.”
“Whats underage drinking?” I played dumb. “Is that a muggle thing?” I gestured at the bottle on the seat. “We're wizards. There is no age limit on drinking.” I bluffed with a laugh. “Imagine if we all had to follow muggle rules.”
Crabbe and Goyle began to laugh along with me like it was a big joke. They were well on their way to wasted. “Silly mudblood.” Crabbe grunted. Goyle laughed anew.
I noticed the pudgy boy, Neville, flinch as Crabbe said the word 'mudblood'.
“I apologize for Crabbe's words.” I hoped to repair the situation before I lost my buzz. “Allow me to introduce myself.”
I stood and bowed with a flourish. “It is customary for witches and wizards to introduce themselves before beginning any conversation with a stranger.” Father had drilled wizard customs into my head. “My name is Draco,” I extended my hand. “Draco Malfoy.”
Neville gagged on his tongue.
Frizzy hair lowered her nose a little bit as she bit out a curt “Hermione Granger” She reached out her hand to shake mine.
I bowed and kissed the back of her hand instead.
“Ah, your parents are fans of Shakespeare, I take it?” I smiled at her as charmingly as I could. “It is wonderful to meet such a beautiful young lady. On behalf of the Ancient and Noble House of Malfoy, I welcome you to the wizarding world.”
I was laying it on pretty thick.
She blushed a little bit as she took her hand back.
“Thank you.” she stuttered as she backed out of the compartment. I continued to give her my most charming smile. I turned my smile on Neville. He squeaked as he rushed from the compartment.
As the door closed, I turned to look at the, once again, staring duo of Crabbe and Goyle.
“Why were you so nice to that mudblood, Draco?” Crabbe asked. Goyle nodded his head.
“You guys have a lot to learn if you want to keep hanging out with me.” I flicked Crabbe on the forehead with a finger. “She was going to report us to the prefects of course.”
I held up the bottle of hooch and shook it.
Dimwits...
666
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