FicWad

Chapter 16: Surrender

I woke up sometime near dawn to Sciezka calling my name and shaking me to wake me. I was sweating, my eyes were stinging and my heart was going so fast I thought it would explode. I knew with certainty I'd had another nightmare. Sciezka turned on the light on the bedside table and I covered my eyes to shield them from the bright light and to hide my tears. I felt a consoling hand on my shoulder and then she spoke.

"Jean, sorry I woke you, but you looked so terrified."

I rubbed my eyes and finally in a shaky voice spoke, "Well that was humiliating, what did I say?"

"There was nothing to be embarrassed about, I'd be surprised if you didn't have night terrors with what you've been through. You kept saying 'Solaris' and 'Lust' and you were I think warning the Colonel to stay back," she said. "Was there a prisoner there by that name? I mean the accident did take place during a jailbreak."

I hesitated and then said, "We cooked up that story. It wasn't an accident."

Sciezka's eyes opened wide at that statement, but she waited mutely for me to continue.

"It's a very long, very confusing story that I'm not even sure I believe. Are you sure you want to hear it?" I asked.

Sciezka embraced me and then said, "Of course I do... it's close to dawn, why don't we get up and talk about this in the living room over some coffee."

I hugged her back and planted a soft kiss on her forehead and said, "I think you're right. I'd rather talk about this in the light of day, and keep memories like that out of the bedroom."

With that, Sciezka got up and rummaged around in my drawers, finding one of my button-down shirts to cover up with. She tossed me some flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt without a second thought.

"Sciezka, you are too good to me. Let me take care of the necessaries and I'll be right out. Do you know where the coffee is?"

"You'd do the same for me, and you know it. Stop apologizing," she scolded. "Yes, of course I know where Gracia keeps the coffee."

With that she left the bedroom and I began the chore of getting dressed and out of bed. I chided myself for imagining that anything could ever be normal or easy again.

*

I finished my daily ablutions and went to my drawer to grab a few of my notebooks. Maybe this would be easier if I could just read them and distanced myself, rather than reliving it all over again. I decided a smoke was in order as my hands were shaking and my nerves still jangled. The chill air on the porch and the cigarette did nothing to clear my head or calm my nerves. I decided that there was no other choice but to tell her.

When I came back inside Sciezka was sitting on the couch with two mugs of coffee on the side table. She patted the cushion next to her to invite me to sit close to her while we talked. With a subdued sigh I slowly moved over to the couch and transferred. At first I sat ramrod straight, fingering the journals in my lap. We sat in agonizing silence sipping our coffee. Finally Sciezka spoke up.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," she said. "I'll understand because it's painful for you, but I think... "

"No, I should tell you, you should know my demons if you stick around to deal with them," I said in a discouraged tone.

"You are not your demons, you are an amazing person who just has more to deal with than most," Sciezka said.

She then patted her lap and said, "Lie down here and tell me everything. I want to understand."

I handed her my mug, then pulled each leg onto the couch and using the back of the couch for support arranged myself so my head was in her lap and I was looking at the ceiling. This would be easier if I didn't have to meet her gaze.

I opened a journal and began reading in a monotone.

"The mission was to investigate the suspects in Maes' murder. We had gotten a tip and were pursuing the informant. He led us to the Third Lab and prison. When we arrived we split up, Alphonse with First Lieutenant Hawkeye and myself with Colonel Mustang. The Colonel and I ran into a woman I knew, rather dated, who I thought was named Solaris. It turns out she was the homunculus known as Lust. We held her at gunpoint to interrogate her on what she knew about Maes and then the Colonel shot her. Even after several shots to her vitals she continued to stand, and before our eyes she regenerated. She then knocked the gun out of the Colonel's hand with a lance that appeared to grow from her arm. The crushing blow was when she used this same weapon to break a pipe, rendering the Colonel's alchemy useless. Mustang had a brilliant idea, transmuting the water that was flowing in around us to hydrogen, we then used my lighter to ignite it and there was an explosion. We thought we were in the clear, because Lust had been immolated. We went in to find the corpse so we could be sure she was thoroughly destroyed. The next thing I knew I was impaled on spikes that seemed to sprout from her fingers. When she released me I felt myself sinking to the floor and I could do nothing about it. I was in utter agony and then everything went black."

My voice broke with that last sentence and I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Sciezka continued stroking my brow as she had been for the most of the time I'd been reading.

Sciezka spoke first after we'd sat in silence for a few moments, "Jean, that must have been terrible. I'm surprised you didn't bleed to death or die of shock."

I pulled up my shirt to point out Roy's handiwork. She tenderly rested a hand on the scars.

"Field cauterization, by flame... " I said flatly. "I'd be dead otherwise. Sometimes I wish I had."

Sciezka gasped.

"I think Gracia suspected it. When I first got here she kept my medication under lock and key, giving me only one dose at a time," I said almost inaudibly.

"Do you still feel that way ever?" Sciezka said.

"Sometimes at night, yes. During the day I have other things to take my mind off of it, but after a nightmare it's the worst."

Sciezka was silent and I felt hot droplets fall on my face. She sniffled and I knew she was crying.

"Sciezka, no... I promise that I won't take that way out. The moment it pops into my mind I think about what it would do to Roy, to Gracia and Elysia and now most of all to you," I said and paused. "I don't think that Roy would ever forgive himself if I did that, and now I finally have some hope."

She wiped her eyes and said, "You do? You promise?"

"I promise," I whispered and took her hand and kissed it.

*

We sat like that for hours. Sometimes I would read a passage that I thought was crucial, and other times when a passage was particularly agonizing I'd hand the notebook to Sciezka to read silently to herself. Every once in awhile she'd caress my cheek or lean in for a kiss. This was the first time I'd shared all of this with anyone. In time I dozed off in the sanctuary of her lap.

When I awoke it was nearly noon and I could hear that it was raining.

"I guess we're rained out," I said.

"No worries, there is plenty of food here and I don't feel like leaving the house today. It's the last day," Sciezka said.

I pushed up on my elbows and inclined my neck and Sciezka's lips met mine halfway.

"Thank you... " I said shakily. "Thank you so much."

I was glad for the rain because I was in no mood to go anywhere outside the comfort of those four walls and Sciezka.

I abruptly sat up and said, "After that, I need lunch. What do you want? I'm fixing it."

Sciezka said, "You cook?"

"I have been known to, not well, but I would have starved if I'd lived solely on food from the Mess and takeout," I said with a chuckle.

"Well, so long as it isn't a bother," she said.

"Not at all, I just hope it's edible," I quipped.

*

Once I got into the kitchen I opened the icebox and pondered my options. Gracia had left it well stocked and I eventually settled on omelets. Anything tasted good with eggs and cheese. I decided that mushrooms, spinach and goat cheese would be a good combination. I may have been a bachelor, but I wasn't completely devoid of culture.

Once I'd prepared all the ingredients I heated the pan and when it was ready I put in the eggs. When the omelet had risen and looked nearly cooked I put in the fillings and folded it over. To do this I had to take the pan off the flame and ever so carefully hold it over my lap. This was where my height disadvantage got me. I eventually managed it; even though it wasn't the prettiest I'd ever made and set it back on the flame.

I then called to Sciezka, "It's almost ready!"

She came in just in time to see me plating the omelet up on the counter. She stood in the doorway and said, "I'm impressed. Gracia said you couldn't cook peanut butter and jelly."

"I've come a long way since then, and I make an excellent sandwich," I said.

Sciezka sniffed the air and said, "Well that smells delicious, whatever it is."

"Omelets, I hope you like mushrooms and spinach," I said, as I inwardly chided myself for not asking if she liked the fillings.

I balanced the plates in my lap and rolled over to the table. I set them on the table Sciezka sat down and appraised my work. After the first bite I knew I'd done well.

"You get to cook from now on. I have complete confidence in you," Sciezka said.

"Only if you help. We'll cook together," I said and smiled.

We chatted, ate and my mood lifted considerably. Midway through the meal Sciezka looked at me and said, "Jean, you weren't serious last night about moving out, were you?"

I sucked in a breath and considered my answer carefully then said, "Actually I am. Roy needs me and I don't know if there will be any repercussions. With Scar, the Homunculi and the transfers it's a complete cluster fuck."

Sciezka knitted her brows, deep in thought and then said, "So you'll be in danger? Are you crazy? After what happened... "

I interrupted her and said, "I most likely will not be in any direct danger, I'll just be transporting documents, but if anything happened to Gracia or Elysia I would never forgive myself. The move is simply a precaution."

She seemed relieved to hear that I wasn't going to do anything completely reckless.

"Besides, in light of recent developments, I think I'd like the privacy," I said with a wink.

Sciezka blushed and said, "But you have plenty of privacy. Your own room, a private bathroom."

"That being said, I can't exactly ravish you on the kitchen table without feeling incredibly guilty about it."

Sciezka's jaw dropped and I gently cupped her chin and closed her mouth.

"I fully intend on breaking in every surface in the new house, if you're amenable to that idea."

Sciezka threw her arms around me and I pulled her into my lap. The dishes could wait.

*

I rolled us to my room and Sciezka eyed the bed, and then got up to straddle my chair and kiss me. This was certainly a creative use of my mode of transportation and I fully approved.

I broke the kiss and gestured at the chair and said, "I think that this may be a GOOD thing today."

She began to nibble my earlobe and asked, "Jean, are you sure you didn't fall on your head?"

I laughed and said, "No, no more brain damaged than before. But I think that I'd be walking awfully funny today if I could. You're going to break me!"

Sciezka then claimed my lips for a kiss and nibbled a bit on my lower lip.

She then climbed off my lap, flopped on the bed and said, "Worship me like the goddess I am!" in her best theatrical voice.

I transferred to the bed as quickly as I could, positioned myself on top of her propped up on one hand and said, "Don't mind if I do."

I began to trace the features of her face with my free hand, caressing each part and planting kisses every so often. When I'd finished with her face and ears I moved lower to her neck at times kissing ever so lightly and sometimes nipping to feel her squirm under me.

The whole time I was doing this Sciezka lie back, almost passive, allowing me to explore at my own pace and pay appropriate homage to each part. I was after all, worshiping her. Once I had paid appropriate homage to her neck I began to unbutton the shirt that she was wearing.

"The lingerie was divine last night, but I think I like this better... " I said as I studied her in my white shirt. She was swimming in it, the cuffs almost covering her hands and the tails were long enough to provide her with some modesty. It emphasized just how delicate she was in comparison to me.

Sciezka merely smiled and sighed in contentment. Clearly I was a devout supplicant. As I undid each button I noted her attributes aloud: brilliant, persistent, resourceful, gorgeous and insatiable.

At insatiable she squawked in protest.

"Oh, insatiable is a good thing," I said while burying my face in her cleavage.

I nuzzled, sucked, nibbled and licked until she began to arch her back and then I moved lower to her taut stomach. I dipped my tongue in her navel a few times and she shivered and grabbed my hair. I wondered how long she could hold out before she would begin to plead for release.

I then nipped at each hipbone while I began to massage her inner thigh and she whimpered and parted her legs to allow me better access. I gently probed her folds, tracing them delicately until she heaved a frustrated sigh.

"I suppose I should get to work then?" I asked, nuzzling her inner thigh.

"YES!" Sciezka moaned, clearly through with my teasing.

"It's a good thing I can 'breathe through my ears'," I said brushing my fingers over her curls.

She sat up a bit, looking a little sheepish and said, "Just get to work."

"Yes Ma'am," I said and gave her a salute.

I got to work pulling out every trick in the book. When she came for the fifth time she grabbed me by the hair and said, "Jean, ENOUGH!"

I looked up in surprise and asked, "Really?"

She nodded furiously and said, "There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. My head might explode if you keep that up."

I grinned and said, "I was only doing my duty."

I crawled hand over hand to lie next to her on the pillows and she said, "You've still got all your clothes on. This has to be remedied."

Sciezka then began to strip off my clothes with urgency, starting with my t-shirt.

"Can't we just cuddle?" I said. "You're going to kill me."

She gave me a wicked grin, slid off my pajama pants and tossed them in the corner with my t-shirt.

"Fine, have your way with me. I surrender," I said, not too put out that she was going to have her way with me, whether I wanted it or not.

She kissed me forcefully to silence any further protests and set to screwing me senseless.

*

When she finished having her way with me she rolled off of me and we just shook for a bit unable and unwilling to move. When I could finally speak I said, "Now can we just cuddle?"

She patted my hand and said, "Sure thing. Until you're ready for round two."

I rolled onto my side and said, "Maybe insatiable is a bad thing."

She hit me with a pillow and I caught her around the waist and pulled her into me. She then entwined her legs with mine, murmured something about me being "one to talk" and we drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke the room was dark and when I moved to turn on the lamp Sciezka pulled me back down for a kiss before letting me turn on the light.

Out of the blue Sciezka said, "You're becoming an accomplished writer. How can you call it chicken scratch?"

"I only showed you the stuff I'd edited a bit to clarify it for myself, I assure you it is mostly chicken scratch," I said. "Maybe it's more than you expected from a grunt, but most of it is nonsense."

"Jean, if it's what you're feeling it is not nonsense," she said. "Don't negate its value just because you aren't a trained writer. Most of the greats weren't."

I sighed and said, "I'll admit there are a few passages that I'm pleased with how they turned out. They do the job setting down my feelings on paper. But that is all I'll admit."

"Have you thought about going to university?" Sciezka asked.

"University? You've got to be kidding me. I'm hardly an academic," I scoffed.

"You made it through officer training so you're clearly intelligent," Sciezka said exasperated that I didn't agree with her.

"Officer training is entirely different from anything I'd be doing at university. Besides, it's broken down so grunts can understand it," I said.

She pursed her lips and crossed her arms and said, "It's something you should think about. You don't have to choose what you're going to do right away. You could take classes that interest you and see what happens."

To appease her I said, "I'll consider it."

Thankfully Sciezka changed the subject once she got the answer she wanted and said, "So what should round two be?"

I smirked and said, "Woman, you are going to kill me. Would you object to some supper and cleaning up around here a bit so Gracia doesn't think she's running a brothel?"

Sciezka pouted and said, "You are no fun Jean."

"What can I do to sweeten the deal then?" I asked.

"Hmm... add bubble bath to the list and you may have a deal," she replied.

"That sounds doable, but remember you have work in the morning and I have therapy. We can't get it on like crazed weasels all the time," I said with a laugh.

"We could try... " Sciezka said with a wicked grin.

*

I got out of bed first, because if it were up to Sciezka we'd never leave the bed. As much as her idea was tempting, logistics wise it could be a problem.

I went to my bureau and grabbed a pair of clean pajama pants and put them on. Sciezka came over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "No shirt. That's my other condition."

"Fine... in that case, you get just my shirt," I said.

She picked my shirt up off of the floor and put it on and leaned into me for another kiss. She then climbed onto my lap to sit astride the chair and I touched her on the nose and said, "Oh no you don't. I know what you're up to and it's no good."

"No, it's very very good," she said as she deftly traced my ear with her tongue.

As much as I wanted to go back to bed right then as I surveyed the room I noticed that there were discarded clothes everywhere, the bed was a rat's nest and though Gracia had an idea of what we'd be doing all weekend, she didn't need to see the evidence.

She continued to assail my neck and ears and as she did so I buttoned up her shirt and said, "You, off, kitchen... now. Ahh!"

Sciezka giggled at the reaction she got when she wiggled just so and tweaked my nipples as I was ordering her off my lap.

*

We finally left the bedroom so we could get the lunch dishes cleaned up and scrounge something quick to eat before our bath. Sciezka washed, I dried and soon the dishes were done. After pondering what we should have for supper the decision was unanimous. Chocolate ice cream was almost nutritionally balanced, quick, and delicious. After she dished up a big bowl for us to share we went out into the living room to eat on the couch. I arranged myself on the couch and Sciezka sat on my lap, leaning against the arm of the couch. I wrapped an arm around her, she held the bowl and with the other hand I spooned our supper, one bite for her and one bite for me. Sometimes I would deliberately miss her mouth and have to clean it up with a few well-placed kisses. When we finished we sat there for a while savoring our last night of hedonism until I got my own place. Sciezka's place was right out; it had stairs, though if we got desperate we'd work around them.

Sciezka yawned and gave a little cat stretch. I said, "Hah, I wore you out! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is exhausted."

"You win, I'm tired. A bath and then bed sounds perfect," Sciezka said.

I went into the bathroom to take care of business and draw a bath while Sciezka put our bowl in the sink and then sorted our scattered clothes into neat piles. When she was finished we repeated the "Get Jean into the Bath" dance and settled in for a leisurely soak.

As I was washing her hair I said, "I hope the new place has a big tub."

Sciezka laughed and said, "Bigger than this one?"

"This one is fine, but any smaller and I'll be disappointed. I don't think a bath by myself will suffice anymore."

"I like how you think," she said.

We then got out of the bath and Sciezka tousled my hair as she dried it. I didn't mind her helping me as much this time. It was a means to a lovely end.

I lamented that the weekend was almost over as I got into bed and turned out the light. Sciezka kissed me softly and said, "It doesn't have to be, not yet."

I smiled and kissed her and said, "You have a one track mind and it's in the gutter."

"Aw c'mon, be a sport. I'll be gentle," she pleaded.

"Promise you'll go easy on me?" I said, half seriously.

She kissed me tenderly to demonstrate just how gentle she would be. I ran my fingers up her back and resigned myself to my fate.

All the ardor and lust she had shown before was somehow present in her tender touches as she slowly moved on top of me. She was sitting astride my hips, draping her body on my chest and rocking ever so slightly. Her fingers stroked my face and hair as she slowly began to increase the tempo. I ran my hands over her form caressing every inch of her, as if memorizing it. I sensed the familiar stirring and sought her mouth as I took hold of her hips to let her know I was ready. Silently she took me in and we were joined in a slow dance. We moved at a soothing pace exchanging languid kisses, ebbing and flowing into one another. We both balanced on the edge and then fell and Sciezka collapsed against me softly calling my name. The tantric rhythm ceased and we lay there joined. I buried my face in her hair and without a word she moved to my side, rested her head on my chest and I enveloped her. Soon sleep claimed us both.

*