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"It's time for you to go home, Hijiri," Tsuzuki told the young boy, who waited forlornly outside of the hospital wing. The violinist nodded, joining the dark haired shinigami, who had just come from the front entrance of the building.

"Why did she have to die, Tsuzuki? It's not fair," Hijiri said softly, as they descended the steps. Tsuzuki placed his arm around Hijiri's shoulders, and held him to his chest as the boy released a choked sob.

"Shh. It's all right," Tsuzuki murmured into his thick black hair, not knowing what else to say. Hijiri peered up at him, tears glistening in his odd colored eyes.

The blossoms of the cherry trees rained around them like a gentle snow, as the boy stared at the handsome, guilt ridden face of the man who had tried to protect them and failed. He hated the sad, lost look from this gentle, kind man whom he had grown to care so deeply about. His feelings overwhelmed him when it came to Tsuzuki. He wasn't sure he completely understood, but he'd never felt that way about anyone before. He knew this would be his last chance to do anything about it, and he'd hate himself forever if he didn't at least try.

"Can I -- can I stay with you, just for a while, before I go?" Hijiri whispered. Tsuzuki gave him a look of confusion.

"Don't you want to go home, Hijiri?" Tsuzuki asked, caressing the side of the boy's face. Hijiri pressed his cheek to the older man's fingers, his eyes closed.

"I don't want to leave you yet," Hijiri said with a sigh, opening his eyes and searching Tsuzuki's with a pleading look.

Tsuzuki was at a loss, but nonetheless agreed to let the boy follow him home. He didn't know why he'd given in so easily, but those eyes, that face, were so like Hisoka's...

Tsuzuki led the boy to his apartment, deciding on the way he would simply try to cook the boy a modest farewell dinner and then send him off. He offered Hijiri a seat on the couch, and made towards the kitchen.

"Please, sit with me a while, okay?" Hijiri asked. Tsuzuki sat near the boy, assuming he needed to talk more about Kazusa's death. He looked tenderly at the orphaned youth, knowing he would have few people to turn to who understood his grief when he returned.

"I'm here for you Hijiri. Anything you want to talk about," Tsuzuki said, smiling kindly.

Hijiri stared at him in silence for a moment, studying his face in a way that made the older man uneasy. Tsuzuki sat still, too startled to move, as the boy leaned forward and brushed his lips against his softly.

"I love you, Tsuzuki," Hijiri said softly, pulling back with a furious blush spreading across his face. "I -- I don't know why but, when I'm near you --" Hijiri trailed off, looking up at him hopefully.

"Hijiri, I don't know what to say," Tsuzuki said nervously, not quite looking at Hijiri, whose hand had snaked its way tentatively up the man's thigh.

"I know I can't be with you, Tsuzuki, not forever, but --" Hijiri breathed a sigh of frustration, climbing into the man's lap.

Tsuzuki stiffened, looking at the boy in shock at his sudden boldness. He bit his lip, trying not to react the way his body longed to, as the violinist placed a warm, cautious kiss just below his ear.

"Hijiri, we can't --" Tsuzuki protested, his voice deep and heart pounding.

"It's okay, Tsuzuki. I -- I know I look like Hisoka. I know you want him. And I -- I want you. Just let me be with you now," Hijiri said, trailing kisses along the older man's throat. Tsuzuki swallowed hard, feeling himself become aroused despite himself.

"You'll hate me later," Tsuzuki rasped. "I'll hate myself."

"No, Tsuzuki. Please, I need you," Hijiri pleaded, making his own arousal known as he thrust awkwardly against him.

"God, forgive me," Tsuzuki moaned, claiming the boy's sweet lips and falling on top of him as the young violinist pulled him back with an urgent whimper. He sat up, gazing at the flushed and panting boy with longing, unable to suppress the thought that this was very much like what Hisoka would look like beneath him. He impulsively swept the boy into his arms, and carried him to his bed.

Hijiri reached for Tsuzuki, as the older man joined him where he'd tossed him onto the covers, winding his fingers in the shinigami's dark hair as he kissed him. Tsuzuki pushed his tongue past soft lips, roughly pushing the boy's stiff black uniform up and feeling the hot flesh of his sides. Hijiri lowered his small hands, Tsuzuki moaning as they worked at undoing his trousers, relieving his strained erection.

He marveled at the boy's confidence, as he assisted him in sliding his trousers and boxers off and then removing his shirt. Hijiri backed away from him with a deceptively sweet smile, drinking in the sight of Tsuzuki's body as he stripped from his own clothes, revealing his smooth, lean body to the older man.

Tsuzuki was unsure if this was a fantasy made real or his own undoing, and was even less sure that he cared, as he pounced on the ravishing vision of youth and beauty staring at him with such longing.

"Hmm, Tsuzuki," Hijiri murmured, as the man ran his hands over him, long fingers caressing every inch of flesh they could find. The violinist arched his back, with mewing little gasps, as Tsuzuki touched his swollen member, tunneling his fist around around it and stroking gently.

Tsuzuki moved downward, tasting and teasing the boy's skin with his lips and teeth as he went. He grabbed a tube of lotion from his beside table, applying a liberal amount to his fingers, before spreading the boy's legs with his arms as he climbed between them. He slowly rubbed the sensitive perimeter of muscle, as he pulled the boy's hips up slightly for better access. He leaned forward and licked Hijiri's erection as he continued to press his fingers to his entrance. His eyes drifted upward as he slid his lips slowly over the head, watching the familiar face contort with pleasure, before taking him fully in his mouth.

The boy writhed and moaned, gasping as Tsuzuki pressed a finger into him, pushing it in and out slowly. He felt the boy clamp around him as he came, screaming Tsuzuki's name. Tsuzuki released the boy's member, concentrating on his now relaxing muscles and sliding another finger in to join the first. Hijiri thrust down on the invading digits, and whimpered weakly as Tsuzuki stretched him.

"Am I hurting you?" Tsuzuki asked. Hijiri shook his head.

"Ah, s'good," Hijiri murmured.

Tsuzuki climbed back up the boy's body, feeling his heart swell at the contented little smile Hijiri gave him. He could feel the boy's legs spread further beneath him, as he wrapped his legs around Tsuzuki's waist.

"You're sure?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Take me," Hijiri said, winding his arms around Tsuzuki's neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

Tsuzuki pulled the boy's legs up until they rested on his shoulders and guided his cock to the entrance, pushing forward slowly. Tsuzuki groaned as he sheathed himself further into the boy's tight body. Hijiri screwed his face up slightly, huffing short breaths as he adjusted to the feeling.

Tsuzuki waited until he gave a weak nod, before pulling back and sliding forward once more. He couldn't help but imagine for a moment that the flushed, willing face before him had hooded eyes of green, as he felt Hijiri relax and accept his steady thrusts.

"Oh, more," Hijiri moaned, wriggling slightly. "Harder."

Tsuzuki speed his pace, encouraged further by the wails from his lover, feeling his balls slap wetly against the round curves of Hijiri's rear as he began to pound into him. Hijiri's hand sought his own, and their fingers intertwined beside the boy's face, which peered up at him with love and desire. The sight threw him over the edge, as he slammed forward with one more desperate thrust, releasing himself into the warmth surrounding him with a ragged cry.

Tsuzuki rolled off Hijiri, and gathered him to his heaving chest, sweat glistening on his forehead, his eyes half closed. Hijiri nuzzled his face into Tsuzuki's side, kissing his skin lightly.

"Thank you, Tsuzuki," the boy said sleepily, drifting off. "I can't think of any better way to say goodbye."

Tsuzuki kissed the top of his head, and joined him in sleep, trying not to think too much about the excuses he'd have to make tomorrow for the delay in Hijiri's departure.

xxxx


Tsuzuki awoke from an intense dream, feeling confused to still feel a body pressed against his as he drifted into consciousness. He nearly jumped out of bed as he felt a cool, small hand snake its way around his waist.

"Good morning," Hijiri said sweetly. The memory of the night before came rushing back to him, as his eyes snapped open to behold a face not dissimilar from the one in his dream. His feelings were a mixture of arousal and guilt as he returned the boy's beaming smile a bit forcibly.

"How are you feeling?" Tsuzuki asked cautiously, brushing the boy's dark bangs from his face.

"A bit sore," Hijiri said with a little laugh, making Tsuzuki wince. "But no, no regrets," he added more seriously, reassuring his lover with a tender kiss.

"We should get ready to leave soon," Tsuzuki said, running his fingers along the boy's bare arm. "I -- I don't really know how I'm going to explain any of this."

"It's okay, Tsuzuki, we'll just tell them the truth," Hijiri said, stretching and snuggling into Tsuzuki's side.

"The truth?" Tsuzuki asked, eyes wide. Hijiri nodded.

"That I was upset, and you comforted me," Hijiri said, adding with a wink, "We just won't mention it was with your secret Tsuzuki moves." Tsuzuki laughed, shaking his head.

"Hisoka still hasn't forgiven me for saying that. Even with all the things that have happened, he still managed to bring it up again yesterday. Maybe he secretly likes it when I tease him?" Tsuzuki asked wistfully, a sad look in his eyes.

"You said his name in your sleep," Hijiri said.

"Did I?" Tsuzuki said uneasily, looking away. Hijiri placed his fingers beneath the older man's chin, gently turning his face towards him and nodding.

"I think he loves you, too. He's just afraid that letting you know how much he cares will give you another leverage in power over him. He looks at you a whole different way when you're not looking back," Hijiri said.

"He does?" Tsuzuki asked, receiving another nod. "This is hardly fair to you," Tsuzuki whispered, searching the loving eyes that watched him for a sign of forgiveness. The boy merely smiled at him, no trace of resentment in his expression.

"I'm glad you have each other, because I really do love you, Tsuzuki," Hijiri said, kissing him quickly before climbing from the bed.

Tsuzuki was lost in silent thought as they cleaned up and got dressed. He wondered how he would be able to face Hisoka after this, how he would shield his partner from the memory of how he had given in to his lust. Hijiri wound his arms around him tightly as he stood by the door, in a comforting embrace before they left the building, stepping out into the crisp morning air.

"Don't worry, Tsuzuki. Things will work out with Hisoka once he accepts that he's going to have to give in a little to be happy," Hijiri said, kissing Tsuzuki's cheek. "You should have seen the look on his face when he thought he might lose you."

Tsuzuki took Hijiri's hand, holding it to his face and placing his lips to his fingers.

"Play well, Hijiri. I will miss you," Tsuzuki said, as they parted ways.

/Every song I play, I will play for you/, Hijiri thought to himself as he walked away. He did not look back.