Categories > Anime/Manga > One Piece > One Piece Spoiled Dreams
'So Wapol!' Chopper smiles cheerfully as he pats the king on the shoulder. 'Are you ready to talk?'
'Affirmative.' A buzzing speaker sewn into the king's throat squawks. The device embedded in his skull buzzes. 'What. Would. You. Like. To. Know.'
The group, resting comfortably in the king’s quarters, are enveloped by the plush velveteen bedding, the gentle radiance of the roaring fireplace casting flickering shadows across golden moldings on the wall. The subtle fragrance of aged wood, perfumed drapery, and burning incense fills their nostrils with lavish scents. Yet, as they gaze upon the mass of living(?) flesh before them, a spectrum of horror overcomes their senses. The luxury of their surroundings, the ambient warmth, and the elaborate tapestries all lose significance in the presence of the country’s king, now reduced to a grotesque and functional imitation of life.
'What the abyss?' Sanji lets out a shiver that has nothing to do with the cold.
Nojiko pulls her eyes away from the rotund figure on the chair with a whimper of fear.
'Chopper?' Luffy looks at Wapol with disgust and dawning horror. 'What is... that!?'
Chopper pats his newest creation on the shoulder. 'This is a Server. Surely you saw my previous models when you were at my labs. Granted, I had to use reindeer since Dr Kurhea objected to me using humans but…'
'I thought they were just stupid or something!' Luffy watches the thing in front of him as if it were going to lash out and kill him at a moment’s notice. 'Why is Wapol acting like that?! What’s that glowing thing in his head?!'
Chopper takes in the pile of flesh before him as if it were his prized creation, examining the sparking bolts in his grey matter. 'Well, I got the components in a do-it-yourself kit. So if I’m not mistaken, that part is the pacifier.' He points to a large metal plate where his forehead should be. 'And this part works as a form of permanent hypnosis that puts what remains of the mind into a more suggestible state. And this part… '
'Machine do that!?' Nojiko screams, fighting back the urge to vomit.
The doctor scratches under his hat in confusion at his compatriots outrage. 'Well yes, as you can plainly see. Mechanical engineering was never my forte. I was surprised by how such basic components could be used to enhance compliance. I just made some personal additions to the Franky Co Server set and voala!' The scientist gestures toward the vacant-eyed creature, its implants sparking intermittently as its flesh twitches. 'A static plug here, a muscular charging generator there and... well, you can see what direct electrical stimulation to the mid brain can do to address disobedience.'
'Is he...' Sanji's dry throat gulps down air. 'Is he alive?'
'Medically speaking, yes.' Chopper smiles. 'The only real difference is now Wapol can't disobey orders from me. Or think about disobeying orders. Or do anything I don't want him to.'
'You ENSLAVED him!?' Luffy says, voice bleeding with anger.
'No no no!' Chopper waves his hands in front of him in response to Luffy's question. 'I didn't enslave him. Slaves can think and rebel. No, I turned him into an object.'
Sanji turns green; his iron stomach strengthened by years of sampling hundreds of failed dishes now stands to unload its contents on the floor. 'I'm going to be sick.'
'Nojiko no like corpse thing!'
'That's awful!!'
Chopper scratches his head. 'Why is that awful? We get our answers, and Wapol becomes useful.' The doctor asks, apparently oblivious to the ethical implications that horrify his companions. 'What’s the problem?'
'Correction. I'm going to be sick. Then I'm going to kick your but across this castle.'
The bull girl places her hands over her eyes to block out the sight of the flesh golem. 'Scary doctor! Do not want!'
Luffy turns to the only one in his crew not currently objecting. 'Nami, say something! You're good with words!'
'One hundred and eighty-nine million...' Nami moves a crown across the floor with a golden scepter. Both objects, filled with hundreds of diamonds, glint as she moves the royal jewels into the pile to her right. 'One hundred and ninety-nine million...' She moves a small jewelry box filled with pearls to her right, sitting on the plush carpet like the cat who got the canary. 'Two hundred and seven million...' She moves an ornamental golden blade to her right.
'Nami!'
The thief continues to move the pile of treasure, judging each piece of her wealth for damage and potential value. 'Yes, yes, Luffy, that's very cool. Two hundred and fifteen million... Two hundred and thirty million...'
'Nami swan! This is wrong!' Sanji protests. 'Say something!'
'Something.' She moves the heavy pile of cash to her right before tossing the golden rod into the pile. 'And combine that with the pile of one hundred twelve million, eight hundred thousand and six hundred and one Belli, and that brings us to...'
'Wapol. Drum roll, please.' Chopper states smugly.
'Affirmative. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.'
Nami leaps to her feet. 'THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY MILLION BELLI! In one haul!' She turns to the flesh on the chair. 'Unless you've got more gold hidden somewhere, Wapol!'
'Negative.' The speaker croaks. 'This. Unit. Sold. Most. Treasure. For. Food. Or. Was. Stolen. By. Rebels.'
Nami turns to Sanji with a smile more infectious than the plague. 'Three Hundred and Eighty MILLION beli, Sanji! And maybe more if Alabasta is willing to cough up for Drum's historical treasures!'
Nami turns to Nojiko, sparkles in her eyes. 'We didn't get much from Little Garden, but with our haul from Whiskey Peak that brings us up to around five hundred million easy! In barely over a month!'
She looks at Luffy. 'Forget the One Piece! We could buy a mansion and live the rest of our lives in luxury! Heck, with those high-class weapons in the armory we could take over...'
'No, Nami.' The captain shoots down that plan as fast as it came out his navigator’s mouth.
'Come on, Luffy. Pleeeeaaassse!?!'
'No, Nami.' Luffy crosses his arms. 'Don't forget we're pirates. If you don't want trouble, you shouldn't be one.'
'But!'
'Pirates don’t retire that easily. So unless you wanna spend the rest of your life hunted by the Marines or bounty hunters, we have to keep moving.'
'...'
Luffy takes in the sudden disappointed look on his navigator’s face, glancing over to the woman behind her. He sighs. 'But if you and Nojiko...'
Nami slaps him upside the head, shutting down her captain’s idea as fast as it comes out of his mouth.
The navigator sighs. 'It was worth a shot. If I retired without you guys to keep me around, I’d have your deaths on my conscience anyway.'
'…You have a conscience, Nami?'
'Ha Ha Dr Buthole. Like you’re one to talk.' The navigator straightens her back, which pops. 'Well, let's get our haul to the Merry and head off to Alabasta!'
Chopper taps his boot. 'What a wonderful idea, Miss Conscience, but aren't you forgetting something? Something we came to the castle for but we haven’t found yet, Miss Navigator?'
Nami freezes mid-stride. 'Dr Kureha?'
'Dr Kureha.' The doctor turns to his flesh slave. 'Wapol. Where is Doctor Kureha?'
'Query. Where. Is. Doctor. Kureha. ERROR.' Wapol twitches. 'Does. Not. Know. Where. Doctor. Kureha. Currently. Is.'
Chopper rolls his eyes and begins typing electronic commands to his Server on his gauntlet. 'I'm adjusting your parameters. Questions: who did you sell Kureha to, when did you sell her, and where do you think she is now?'
'Processing...Processing...Processing...ProcesOHGODSWHEREISMY TONGUE AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!'
A shrill scream emanates from the speaker jammed where Wapol's throat should be. The electronic device whizzes and pops; its sound shakes the room with a static howl of pain.
'Damn.' Chopper nonchalantly curses, tapping away on his gauntlet. 'This happens sometimes.'
'Well, stop it, Chopper!' Nami shouts, brow wincing in pain from the noise.
'Sooner would be better!' Sanji agrees, fingers in his ears.
'Nojiko HATE corpse thing!' The girl burying her head in a cushion shouts.
'This is wrong!' Luffy shouts over the din, hands covering his ears. 'Can't we just interro-grate him on the ship or something?'
The doctor fiddles with the buttons and knobs on his gauntlet.
'AAAA!!AAAA!!AAAA!!!'
He curses as Wapol screams louder. 'In case you forgot, I am not part of your crew!' With a grunt, he slaps the king in what remains of his face.
'AAAAAAA-Rebooting.'
Chopper sighs in relief. 'Our deal was to help me find Kureha. That's it.' He presses two buttons on his glove. 'I'm not joining your crew or going with you to Alabasta, and that's...'
'Reboot complete.' Wapol states. 'Kureha. Was. Sold. To. A. Member. Of Baroque. Works. Eight. Months. Ago. Stationed. In. Alabasta.'
'...'
'...'
'...'
'...'
'...So um...' Sanji breaks the awkward silence filling Wapol’s personal chambers. 'Welcome aboard.'
'She's not here!?!'
'She's not here!?!'
Chopper and Nami shout simultaneously, nearly deafening their audience more than the flesh creature’s screams ever could.
'That doesn't make sense!' Nami shouts. 'The doctor's on Little Garden had her research and a Log pose to Drum! There's no way she wasn't here!'
Chopper turns to the Navigator. 'You got these papers from where!?' He blinks. 'I'm an Idiot! You didn't tell me where you got the paper and Log Pose from!'
'It was our last island!' Nami shouts back as Chopper pulls out the paper and scans it frantically. 'There were some doctors from Drum who had a log pose here. We thought that's where they were getting her research from!'
Chopper flips through the pages. 'Kureha hasn't been in contact with the Ishin 20 for years! Wapol probably sold them before he even captured Kureha!'
'This. Unit. Did.'
'Shut up, Wapol!'
'Shut up, Wapol!'
'Well, how was I supposed to know!?' Nami protests. 'She wrote Drum on her papers, and they had a Log Pose to Drum. I thought she'd be here!'
'And I thought you were the smart one on your little crew!' Chopper spares a glare at her. 'But it looks like we were both wrong!'
'Hey! It was decent guesswork!'
'Damn it!' The doctor curses. He holds up the paperwork. 'I didn't notice it till now, but this research is written on papyrus! Paper in a drum is made from the Wise Oak!'
'And papyrus probably comes from a desert country like Alabasta.' Nami rubs her brow.
Chopper claps mockingly. 'Give the dunderhead a prize. Yes, genius, papyrus grows in desert countries- what an amazing deduction.'
Nami face palms. She ignores the sarcasm as pointed as a scalpel from the doctor next to her. 'So she wasn't here!? We invaded a mutated castle, fought through his monster guards, and overthrew a tyrant for nothing!?'
'Affirmative.'
'Shut up, Wapol!'
'Shut up, Wapol!'
Chopper sighs. 'Great, so the only way I have to get to Alabasta and save my mother is...'
'By joining our crew!' Luffy says with a cheery smile.
'Welcome, Chop-Chop!' Nojiko says warmly.
'Well, we do need a doctor.' Sanji rubs his chin.
He turns to the smiling trio. Chopper’s atrophied social skills instantly pick up on the mischievous smiles in the group. Smiles that are far too wide to be anything other than fake.
'And don’t worry, Chop-Chop.' Nami says in a mocking tone. We’ll be sure to take good care of you.'
The doctor who owns multiple PhDs suddenly remembers the pirate crew’s desire to get back at him for “perceived slights”.
'Oh, and did we mention we’re the only ship in Drum’s waters?' Nami says smugly. 'And the only ship for miles that has a working Log Pose to Alabasta?'
With superhuman intelligence, the greatest doctor (currently) in Drum calculates how annoying a week-long voyage with them would be.
Then he calculates the odds of someone with no sailing experience making it to another island.
While sailing in the Grand Line.
'Well, Chopper?' Luffy wiggles his eyebrows. 'Or should I say... newest shipmate? What do you say to going on an adventure with us?'
Chopper resists his natural urge to make a snappy retort. He redoes the calculations and is forced to make the only choice he has available to him.
'...fine!'
'Yippee!' The captain cheers.
'I'll ride on your ship.' Chopper turns to his new captain. 'But I'm not joining a group of green pirates. You drop me off in Alabasta, and that is it!'
'Welcome, crew Chop-Chop!'
'Do you eat meat? I need to know what foods a deer-human eats.'
'...' Chopper groans, feeling a massive headache forming already. 'You're not going to listen to a word I say, are you?'
Nami pats Chopper on the back. 'They're just happy to have a new crewmate. You'll get used to their craziness after a while.'
The doctor observes Luffy gushing to Nojiko about their new crew mate's powers, miming antlers and muscles with a rubber body. 'Really?'
'Nope!' Nami grins, smacking him across the back. 'They'll drive you insane in no time at all.'
'Do you enjoy torturing people, Nami?'
'Buthole doctor.' Nami says coldly, reminding him that she has not forgotten the things he did to them while they were unconscious. 'And we are NOT looking forward to you removing those... things. You placed inside us.'
Chopper sighs, walking towards the door. 'I'll remove them on the boat. Just make sure you've packed everything before we leave.' He points to Wapol. 'Including him.'
Luffy turns, looking at the figure with pity. He takes in the horrible sight of the being stuck in a fate worse than death. 'So we're not going to, you know, put him out of his misery?'
Chopper shakes his head. 'No. I'll need an extra pair of hands to help with surgery. And since the Lapin have no doubt killed off my other Servers, he'll have to do.'
Luffy raises his voice to object.
'It's not up for discussion. You want top quality medical care, you play by the doctor’s rules.'
Luffy sadly closes his mouth.
Nami looks at the creepy pile of twitching flesh. 'You want us to bring a brain-dead vegetable along? Can't you, I don’t know, find someone else to help with your mad science?'
The doctor sizes up the massive girth of the ex-King of Drum. 'Since you obviously love money, I can give you another good reason to bring him along. He has a Devil Fruit, that's worth more than all the treasures in this castle combined.'
'The munch fruit, yeah we know.' Sanji looks at the Server. The one-time king of Drum stands firmly in place, his jaw gone and replaced with a speaker. 'But since he can't eat anything, the power is useless, right?'
'Wrong.' Chopper states confidently. 'Even if he can't use it, it is possible...'
'Question!' Luffy raises his hand, Nojiko squirming behind him.
'... as I was saying. Another can gain a Devil Fruit power...'
'Can Wap Hill poop now?'
'By either eating a Devil Fruit which spawns in a random location, with the same power when the user dies. Or you can...'
'But what about Wapol's poop? I mean, can he eat? Could a person poop but not eat anything?'
Chopper's eye twitches. 'By either devouring the still beating heart of its
user or sixty percent of their body. Which makes...'
'But can he poop, Chopper!?' Luffy pleads. 'Please, Chopper, you're our doctor! You're the only one who can tell us!'
'I am NOT your doctor!' Chopper roars in Luffy's face. 'I am a monster! You're disgusting humans who are only using me to get what you want! We are not crewmates!'
The room grows quiet at the doctor's outburst.
'...Chop-Chop...' Nojiko looks sad.
'...Yeah, I don't care about that.' Luffy says. The captain stretches his cheek, showing off his rubber body. 'I mean, I'm kinda a monster too!'
'... It's not the same thing.'
The captain points to Nojiko. 'And you kinda made her a monster too, and we don't care!'
'Nojiko cares a little!'
'See! Nobody cares what you are, Chopper! Shanks (that's my pirate mentor) said that the seas welcome everyone and we're all sons of the sea. It doesn't matter where you're from. The captain grins . 'What matters is that you've got the resolve to fight for your dreams and for the things you care about.'
The doctor's eyes widen in amazement.
'That, and I think your monster transformations are really cool!'
Chopper's jaw drops.
'There is only one thing I care about, Chopper.' Luffy places his hand on his doctor's shoulder. He smiles warmly and without a hint of malice. 'Can Wapol still poop?'
'...'
'...'
'...really?'
Nojiko nods behind Luffy. 'Important question, very! Also, Nojiko poop too!?'
'...' Chopper gives up on caring why his so-called captain does what he does, as well as the tingling happy feeling in his gut. 'Servers are nourished with a nutrient paste injected into their ports. So yes, Wapol poops.'
'Thanks, Chopper! That's a load off my mind!'
'As for you, F39.' Chopper addresses the nervous-looking girl. 'While I haven't had the opportunity to test your new digestive tract (as well as a few other additions I've made), I am ninety-eight percent certain that yes, you can poop.'
Nojiko wipes some sweat off her brow. 'Nojiko no explode! Good!'
The two turn their attention to other matters as the doctor stares at Luffy with a peculiar look, as if trying to understand a particularly intriguing riddle.
'...Nami.' Sanji says casually. 'One hundred thousand says Chopper cracks before we reach Alabasta.'
'That's one-to-one odds, Sanji.' Nami says casually. 'Though I am taking bets on which crewmate is the first to drive him insane.'
He hands her a stack of bills from his coat. 'Two hundred thousand on Usopp.'
'Deal.' She takes and counts the Beli.
Chopper hears the two gossiping behind him. 'If you're done taking bets on my sanity, we need to discuss more pertinent topics.' He muses. 'Namely, how we're going to get past a literal army of super humanly strong flesh-eating Lapin.'
Half the crew (those who are not currently trying on the crowns and jewelry like children) cringe. They all remember just how horrible those rabbits were.
Luffy adjusts the diamond crown he has placed on top of his straw hat. 'Oh! Those guys. Yeah, I've got a plan for that.'
The group looks at their captain, bug-eyed.
'And best of all, the plan is really, really cool!'
.......
'Are all of you ready?' Chopper fastens the last of the loot to their sleigh. The stolen mode of transport bristles with loot and supplies; its wooden frame barely visible under the mass of objects. 'Remember, get one shot, and we're not coming back.'
Sanji stacks a barrel on top of another in the back and ties it down. 'There wasn't much food left, but everything edible is here now.'
Nami pushes down on her huge sack, shoving it under the seat. 'Treasure... ugh! Is... come on... There!' She sits down on the bulging bag. 'Accounted for!'
Luffy ties bags of something to the sides of the sled with ramshackle knots.
He salutes. 'Last of the bitter powder stuff and the guns are stowed away!'
'This. Unit. Is. Secure.' A sack tied to the back of the sled says in a robotic tone.
Nojiko snuggles against her huge bear-skin rug stitched together with a collection of sheets. 'He he. Blanket warm.'
'Well, tough luck, F3... Nojiko.' Chopper addresses her properly, throwing the huge length of fabric in the back of the sled. 'Because you'll be up here with me. We'll need as much speed as we can get if this plan is to succeed.'
'No fun, doctor.' She pouts as she walks over to Chopper's side.
The doctor looks at the royal sleigh. Ebony colored wood, brass rails, and gleaming steel furnishings. Tied to every inch are treasures and valuables of every stripe. Framed against a new sheet of pure white snow falling from above, the barren plains of the mountain look almost pleasant.
The doctor stands at the front, checking over the two harnesses, knowing their lives depend on it.
Because it does.
'I still can't believe...' Sanji takes his position behind the reins. 'That we're going with Luffy's plan.'
Chopper sighs, fastening the front harnesses to himself and Nojiko. 'As... unorthodox as it is, Luffy's plan will both get us to the ship and, without fighting the Lapin.'
Nami straps herself down with several dozen knots. 'I don't like it either, Sanji, but unless you want to fight through thousands of those things, this is our best shot.'
Luffy ties his legs to the sled's guard rail. 'You guys just watch. Me and Ace did this all the time to hunt tigers! Just without the snow.' He lies down on top of the food. 'Or a sled, I guess.'
'And we do have the firepower for it.' Chopper looks at the castle behind him, then to his gauntlet with a one-minute timer. 'If we time our descent right, the bomb will do the rest.'
'So it's super strong?' Luffy asks excitedly.
Chopper nods affirmatively to his captain’s question.
'So why aren't we bringing it with us?'
'Because among being highly destructive, Tamatebako Class explosives are highly unstable.' Chopper states coolly. 'As in 'fall off a table and kill everyone within thirty blocks' unstable.'
The group shimmies uncomfortably in their seats.
'It didn't go off when we moved it, and I set up the Den Mushi timer, so everything is good on our end.' Chopper performs a last-minute check of everything on his gauntlet. His fingers race across the screen of the electronic device. 'All we have to do is build up enough speed, and we will make it.'
Sanji and Nami join him in his preparations. Both the crew members work to ensure everything they’ve brought with them is fastened securely to their mode of transport.
'And what about...' Sanji looks at the castle behind them. 'The others?'
Chopper fastens the harnesses to a hitch on the front of the sled. 'You mean the mutated freaks Wapol left behind?'
'This. Unit. Is. Secure.' A sack tied to the back of the sled says in a robotic tone.
Nami turns to the chef. 'Why do you care, Sanji?'
'Besides the fact that they're living beings in terrible pain?'
'You can't save everyone, Sanji.' Chopper says with a bitter, resigned tone. 'Trust a doctor on this. Their flesh is so melded to inanimate objects and filled with the plague that euthanasia is a blessing.'
He looks back towards him. 'Unless you'd like to eat Wapol's heart and try and use his power to help them.'
Sanji looks conflicted.
Nami slaps him. 'Sanji, if you give yourself the plague to try and help a bunch of random people, I swear I'll never eat your food again.'
'I wasn't going to...' he sighs. 'I know helping them isn't really something we can do, but...'
Nami, Luffy, and Nojiko look at the young man.
He sighs. 'It bothers me, okay. We beat Wapol, freed them, and still feel like I could have done more. All I could do was feed them, and that only goes so far.'
'Wait.' Chopper stops him. 'Back up. You gave a bunch of monsters who tried to kill us our supplies.'
'I just fed them the food that we couldn't take with us,' Sanji defends himself. 'If they're going to die... I'd rather they not be hungry.'
'...well, if we can't take it with us, I'm fine with it.' Nami says nonchalantly.
'Don't worry, Nami. It was mostly gross salad and stuff.' Luffy says in a comforting tone.
'Nojiko, confirm.' The bull girl says. 'Pervy-Chef fed scraps and salad to monsters. They really-OW!'
Chopper pulls out the syringe in her arm. 'Get into your full-Bison form, Nojiko.' Pulling another syringe, he stabs himself in the leg. 'Oooofff. I'm about to start the timer.'
'What that!?' She rubs her arm.
'Adrenaline shot.' His finger hovers over the button. 'Everyone hold on. And if you have any gods...'
'We don't.' Nami says.
'Well, a little prayer never hurt anyone.'
Chopper sucks in a lungful of air, his finger hovering over the button on the gauntlet. He presses the button.
beep
'RUN NOJIKO!' Chopper shifts into his deer form and books it across the snowy landscape, his reins trailing behind him.
Nojiko follows a second later, her bison form bulging with strength as she gallops along.
The lines behind them go slack, and the sled behind them speeds across the plateau at an earth-shattering pace.
.........
'Usopp, do you see them?'
'For the hundredth time, Vivi. No. I. Don't.'
The sniper of the Straw Hats gazes towards the tallest mountain in Drum. For the past few hours, his eyes had been fixed on it. Despite not being able to see past the rim, he hadn't wavered in his search for signs of his beloved crewmates. Once or twice he thought he heard an earthquake, a heavy impact. Then nothing. Now he was on deck, freezing his tail off (it had literally fallen off an hour back), looking for a sign, any sign, of their friends.
For the tenth hour in a row he finds nothing.
'At least the Lapin have given up trying to pelt my Merry.' Usopp watches the white blobs on shore. 'That or they died standing up.'
Vivi squints her eyes, seeing nothing. 'Are you sure they're alive? Maybe the cold killed them?'
'Let's find out.' The sniper trots over to a catapult resting on deck nearby. 'Usopp catapult mark three!'
He pulls the lever and fires a barrel towards the shore. It hangs in the air for several seconds, flipping top over bottom. The impact against the shore can barely be seen.
Their response, however, can be heard all across the kingdom of Drum.
'....wwwwaaaAAAaaawwwrrrrr....'
The shore flows like a living mass of death. The creatures move about, jumping, clawing, howling in rage at the small boat off in the distance. Rocks, sharpened branches, and debris of all kinds sail over the water, crashing into the waves a distance from the Merry.
'So.' Usopp marvels at the sight. 'It looks like they're still angry.'
'For what?' Vivi asks. 'For not getting eaten by them?'
The sniper thinks for a moment. 'I think that big one with the horns was their boss or something. Maybe that's why.'
'But they've been out there for days!'
'Zoro did take the severed head with him when we sailed out to sea.'
'Even so, to stalk a ship for days?'
'Or it could be they didn't like it when Zoro used his severed head as a latrine?'
'...'
'...'
'Do you think that may be why they're trying to kill us, Vivi?' Usopp asks with no end of sarcasm.
'...We should return the head.'
'Well, if you think you can convince Zoro, have at it.' Usopp watches the mountain. 'But I'm not waking him from his nap. Nami's the only one on the crew who can do that without dying.'
Vivi sighs and drops into a crouch, moving her legs apart and raising her arms perpendicular to the ground.
'...is that some kinda waiting thing?' The sniper asks without looking back.
The princess grunts. 'It's a riding stance. Zoro said if I could hold it for twenty-four hours, he'd help train me.' She holds the pose with effort. 'And maybe once I'm his apprentice in swordsmanship, he'll let me give them the head back.'
Usopp thinks for a moment before snapping. 'You mean swordWOMANship!'
'...'
'Huh? How was that?'
'If Karoo was not sleeping right now, I'd have him knock you off the ship.'
'Oh come on, Karoo and me are buds. He wouldn't do that!'
'Just focus on the mountain, Usopp.'
The sniper sighs. 'Well, there's not much to see here. I wonder when Luffy and the others are coming back?'
The mountain explodes.
A bright ball of light blooms on the top of the highest mountain in the kingdom of Drum. A corona of light brighter than the sun blossoms from the top of the pillar, turning it into a magnificent tree of light. It is so bright it bounces off the snow falling from above, creating millions of mirrors of glowing light throughout the entire kingdom. Its beauty and brilliance are stunning, turning a valley of darkness into a kingdom of light. Usopp sheds a tear at the sight; Vivi marvels, hardly believing she could ever see a vision so brilliant. For just one moment, everything in the world is bright and beautiful.
Then the blast wave hits them.
BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!
The windows on the Merry burst from the impact. The ship rocks uncontrollably.
The two fall on the deck, clutching their ears.
'I'm! Guessing! They're! Coming! Now!' Vivi shouts over the droning in her ears.
'Good! Guess! Genius!' Usopp returns the barb.
He scans the shore. As bad as they took the blast, the long-eared Lapins seem to have taken it worst. Bleeding ears, angry roars, and complete discord seem to have taken over their lines.
The door behind them snaps open.
Speaking of angry roars.
'All right!' Zoro says grumpily. 'Who woke me up?! Usopp, are you playing with firecrackers again?!'
A feathered arm slaps him upside the head. 'Wert weeert wert weeert wert weeert!'
'What's that duck?!'
Vivi shakes her head to clear out the sound rattling through her skull. 'Karoo says that was far too loud for a firecracker.'
Zoro grunts. 'You obviously haven't seen Usopp's "wonder weapons". They make you wonder how they can be used as weapons.'
'Hey! For your information, my Weather Gun mark point five is moving out of...'
But Zoro has already forgotten their sniper, walking to the mid deck of the ship. 'Wow. Luffy sure doesn't do subtly, huh? Least he got out fine.'
'Wait? Luffy and the others got out of that!?' Usopp shouts in disbelief.
'Yep.' He gestures upwards. 'See for yourself, sniper.'
The group follows Zoro's finger as one, looking into the cloudy skies.
Zoro points to a cloud floating through the air. A cloud that seems to be made of bed sheets and a prayer. A cloud made of bed sheets, a prayer, and carrying a small black sled.
'Luffy!' Vivi cheers.
Usopp adjusts his telescope. 'They're coming in short! They're going to land in the middle of the Lapin horde!'
A panic fills the deck as they watch the small object drift down to earth.
'Wert!! Wwwer wert wert!'
'Karoo's right!' Vivi says, walking towards the helm. 'We need to...'
'Do nothing.' Zoro blocks her.
'Zoro!'
'Zoro, are you crazy!?' Usopp points to shore. 'You may think you can kill hundreds of things...' he looks through his scope following the path of the improvised balloon. 'But they are...going... too... good gods, how did Luffy ever convince them to do that!?!'
Vivi looks to her friend, worried Zoro's insanity is becoming contagious.
The swordsman laughs. 'So you don't see it, huh? Figures a chick from a desert kingdom wouldn't recognize it.' He points behind the small point in the distance. 'Look there.'
The princess follows Zoro's finger. 'What, you mean that white cloud thing around the mountain?'
'Vivi, that's not a cloud.' Usopp shivers. 'That's the mother of all avalanches.'
Avalanche. Vivi had, of course, heard of the word, but the idea of one, its destructive power, or how big they could get was something she couldn't quite wrap her head around. The idea of a wave of stone and ice traveling at the speed of a charging line of cavalry was hard to understand for one used to the dry, flat terrain of Alabasta. And if the size of the mountain was any indication, this one was big enough to cover the entire country. And it's moving fast, growing larger with every meter it moved.
Even the Lapin are running, fleeing from the path of the great white beast bearing down on them.
'Wait, you're saying they wanted to create a natural disaster!?' Vivi scarcely believes the words coming out of her mouth.
'Yep.' The swordsman says. 'Personally, I'd prefer the hands-on approach, but for taking out a lot of enemies quickly, nothing beats a rockslide. This one just so happens to have snow in addition to rocks.'
'B-But that would kill them too!' The princess of Alabasta points at the balloon touching down in the path of the death storm.
Zoro smirks. 'Not if they ride it.'
'...WHAT!?!' Vivi's brain short-circuits.
Zoro watches with amusement. 'Man, that takes me back. To train my reflexes, I'd board down a mountain on a rock, cutting any bush or branches in my way. Good way to improve my swing or earn some broken bones.' He lets out a happy sigh. 'Good times.'
'WHAT!?!'
'Actually, it's not the worst idea they could have had.' Usopp tries to locate the insane snow sledders through the forest. 'See, the Lapin are already running. If they can keep ahead of the crest and ride the trough, they'll be pushed out to sea rather than be crushed by millions of tons of ice.'
'WHAT!?!'
'Weeererttt weert weerrtt wewerrtt!?!'
'WHAAAAAAT!?!' Vivi watches as the lower half of the island is crushed by a wall of snow and ice hundreds of feet high. The entire valley basin claimed by the carnivorous beasts is permanently buried under an entire continent's worth of snow.
'Hey! I see them!'
Vivi rips the spyglass from Usopp and stares at a speck in the distance.
Clinging to the front of the black sleigh is some kind of brown furry man, his face red from shouting and his body covered in snow. Sanji is behind the reins, for whatever good it will do him, smoking up a storm and tugging at the rope in an attempt to steer their out-of-control craft. Nami looks broken, sitting on a gleaming pile of treasure, her face frozen in a creepily large grin as she holds the jewels against the floor with nothing more than stubborn pride.
And then there's Luffy and a strange woman Vivi hasn't seen before.
Their hands are up in the air.
They're shouting something.
They are riding on a blizzard, plowing through waves and waves of killer rabbits with a wave of icy death meters behind them.
And they're smiling.
They're ENJOYING being inches from a gruesome death.
They're having FUN.
Usopp grabs back the spyglass and looks at the scene of madness. 'Aw. Now I really want to go sledding!'
Vivi's legs give out, and she nearly faints dead away.
Zoro catches her with a mocking smirk. 'Whoa there, little princess. Wouldn't want to miss the best part of the show now would you?'
'Wh...aaaaatttt...?'
'Oh shoot!' Usopp follows them through the spyglass. 'They're just about at the water!'
'Weeeert!?'
'They have to time it just right, Karoo!' Usopp shouts. 'If they don't catch the wave, it'll drown them offshore!'
Vivi looks out to shore and sees a cloud of pure white through her hazy vision. She watches as the rumbling sheet of white reaches the shore and smashes against the ocean.
The small black sled shoots forward. Propelled by the momentum of the avalanche, it bounces off the water like a skipping stone.
The waves churn as hundreds of thousands of tons of frozen water are dumped into the surf. A wave forms on the shore that expands outwards towards the Merry. An outbound wave pushes the small rocking sled just as it seems to be slowing down. The crashing wall of water provides another burst of speed.
The wave carries them nearly a mile away from Drum in mere seconds. The screams of panic from the improvised craft can be heard as it barrels towards them. The sled surfs closer to them, almost two hundred meters away. Then one sixty. One hundred and twenty.
Vivi watches in terror as the projectile shoots towards their hull with enough force to shatter it.
The wave loses its power.
One hundred meters.
The sled slows.
Eighty-five meters.
The screams of panic grow louder.
Seventy.
The railing gleams in the faint moonlight.
Sixty.
Vivi tenses in Zoro's arms.
Fifty.
Her body urges her to run.
Forty-two.
Usopp looks towards the approaching craft with worry.
Thirty-three.
Karoo is quacking wildly.
Twenty-five.
Zoro offers a mysterious smile.
Nineteen.
Luffy's cheers die down.
Fourteen.
The furry man skitters aboard the sled proper.
Nine.
Nami, her face white from fear, grips the treasures like a safety blanket.
Five.
Sanji lets the rope slip from his hands.
Two.
Both crews hold their breaths.
ding
The tiny bell at the front of the sled rings as it taps the hull of the Merry.
Silence covers the seas. For the first time in a long while, the kingdom of Drum is at peace, and the seas around it join in its tranquility.
Luffy pinches his rubber cheeks in surprise. 'Wow! We didn't die!'
Nami faints on her pile of treasure.
Sanji lights a cigarette with shaking hands.
The furry human looks midway between having a stroke and chewing Luffy out for some reason.
And the mystery woman?
'Again!' She chirps enthusiastically.
Vivi stares mouth agape at the small wooden craft and its adventurous crew drifting on the waves in front of them. A crew that fell from the top of a mountain, rode a country-destroying avalanche, and cut their way through a horde of monsters.
'All right, princess.' Zoro forces her to stand on her own and pats her on the back. 'Now you can pass out.'
Vivi obliges.
......
'Oof!' Zoro drops the barrel on deck and dusts off his hands. 'And that's the last of it.'
Usopp whistles at the stack of treasure, food and weapons now in their possession. 'You guys sure found some great stuff. I've never even heard of "Dance Powder" before today.'
Sanji takes a huge drag from his cigarette, his shaking having died down to mere tremors. 'P-Plus we were able to treat Nojiko and get a doctor. So I say m-mission accomplished.'
Zoro eyes up their two new crewmates. The girl with patchwork skin and blue hair pokes the unconscious Nami’s breasts like it's a fun game. Meanwhile, the large hairy human, his brown hair standing up on end, is decked out in vials and attending to his esteemed captain.
'YOU. NEARLY. KILLED. US.' Chopper grunts, throttling Luffy with both hands. 'I'M. NEVER. TRUSTING. YOUR. PLANS. AGAIN!!'
'But... we.... made... it... didn't... we?' Luffy replies, his head shaking back and forth. 'And... it... was... fun!'
'Rrraaaaaa!!' Chopper shakes his captain harder.
Sanji pats their new doctor on the shoulder. 'A-All right, that's enough.' He steadies his nerves. 'You know he's immune to getting strangled anyway.'
'...it helps me feel better.'
The chef nods. 'True, but some of your patients need the assistance of Dr Buthole.'
He cringes, looking over to the two women in a dead faint. Despite being unconscious, Nami is nearly fused to her pile of treasure, gripping the hold with bestial strength. Meanwhile, the blue-haired woman with a shabby Mark 4 Franky Co arm lies against a giant yellow duck, murmuring "what" over and over.
He sighs, walking over to Nami first and placing a small packet of something under her nose.
'Treasure!' The navigator leaps to her feet. 'Plague!'
'Nami!' Nojiko says happily. 'You woke up!'
The frazzled navigator blinks. 'Where... are we back on the ship?' She looks around. 'What happened to the avalanche? Did it work?'
'Uh huh!' Her sister nods. 'And it was fun! You fell asleep!'
Chopper grunts dismissively and walks over to the girl lying on deck. The orange-billed duck behind her watches him with concern.
'Don't worry. I'm a doctor.' He waves the substance under her nose.
'WHAT!?!' Vivi shoots upright, before taking in the massive figure before her. She reaches for her blade.
'Are you cognizant?' Chopper asks impartially. 'Any lightheadedness or migraines?'
'...no?' Vivi manages to stand. 'But who are-'
'Good.' Chopper turns back to the pile. 'Now if you're all done gawking, you can help me stow what supplies I brought with me to my new quarters.'
'And aren't you forgetting something?' Sanji points to his rear. 'Something you need to get rid of, Mr Buthole doctor?'
'I can think of a few things about you I'd like to get rid of, shitty chef.'
Sanji kicks Zoro in the face before turning back to their doctor. 'You know, the electric surprise?'
Chopper blinks. 'Yes, yes, of course.' He taps his gauntlets several times before the speaker on the end lets out a beep. 'There. Your compliance devices are detached from your intestinal wall and should be excreted in a day or so.'
Sanji cringes. 'So we have to... pass it?'
The doctor nods. 'It's standard procedure for suppositories.'
'And you're not going to... uh, help?'
'Why would I?' Chopper asks, confused. 'It'd be a waste of medication, and any surgery would only increase the risk of infection. It's not like you're going to die.'
'This. Unit. Is. Secure.' A sack tied to the back of the sled says in a robotic tone.
Zoro turns. 'Did that sack just talk?'
'Ignore that.' Chopper turns back to the chef. 'Now, as I was saying, there's nothing to worry about.'
The doctor finds himself grappled by Nami. 'So I have to poop out whatever you put inside me!?!' Now it's Chopper's turn to be shaken by a crewmate.
'N-N-Nami c-c-calm down!'
'Calm down!?' Surprisingly, despite the difference in stature, she is very effective. 'You put a device up my but and rigged my sister to explode!!'
A look of terror suddenly dawns on Nojiko's face. 'NOJIKO WILL EXPLODE!?'
The crew suddenly looks at Nojiko with concern.
'Nah Nojiko.' Luffy lies on the pile of treasure with a happy look. 'You're not going to explode. Chopper was lying.'
The crew looks to their captain lounging on top of a mass of golden coins, hands behind his head.
Nami stops her shaking. 'He was?'
'Yep.' Luffy places the diamond crown over his straw hat. 'He was just lying about him blowing up Nojiko. He may have tried to stop us from hurting him and junk, but he'd be a pretty bad doctor if he killed his patients.'
'This. Unit. Is. Secure.' A sack tied to the back of the sled says in a robotic tone.
Chopper brushes Nami's hands off. 'And if you'll remember, I never said I rigged your sister to explode. That was merely a bluff.'
'Yeah, Chopper is our doctor now, so we need to make up and work together.' Luffy gets up, wrapping his arm around him. 'So everyone, please welcome our doctor Chopper to the crew! He's a super cool dear-man who can transform and do scary surgeries.'
The crew takes in their new member with varying degrees of surprise.
Chopper throws off Luffy's arm. 'I am not joining the crew of a bunch of exceptionally stupid humans like you!' He points to the group surrounding him. 'And I'm not falling for your false praise! I'm saving my mother Kureha and going back to Drum! I. Hate. All of you!'
Nobody believes him.
The flustered, blushing face under his fur makes it apparent to everyone his Tsunadre act is paper-thin.
Even Luffy can tell the Doctor is relishing the praise heaped upon him.
'Well, I suppose we've had wierder crewmates.' Zoro accepts.
'And he did cure Nojiko.' Vivi watches the woman behind him. 'I think?'
'Weert weeertwerrrt!' Karoo crosses his wings. 'Wert wwwert wert.'
'Welcome to the crew, Chop-Bro!' Usopp walks towards him. 'And welcome to Kaya's boat! It's called the Merry and-'
A syringe hits him in the neck.
'She's butterscotch pancakes...' he falls to the deck.
Chopper analyzes his new specimen. 'A stage four infection. With massive mutations and obvious mental decay. I'll need to insert ports to slow progression and remove smaller tumors preventing blood flow to the brain before they grow. If we had more mechanical parts, I might have recommended transplantation of artificial organs. Maybe I could salvage some parts from Wapol?'
'Chopper!' Luffy looks enraged. 'You can't do that to Usopp!'
The doctor glares back at him. 'Since I am your acting doctor, I have absolute control when it comes to your health. And this Usopp is obviously a massive health risk.' He stands over the mutant sniper. 'I'll have to cover up his hide entirely to prevent leaking fluids. Rubber with a base coating will prevent it from sticking to his skin. From there, a mandatory mask...'
'No, not that!' Luffy crosses his arms. 'You knocked him out before he could toast to his new Nakama!'
'... I'm not thirsty.'
'Well, tough luck!' Luffy pouts. 'Because you're getting a celebratory toast whether you like it or not.'
'And I can't decline?' He points down at Usopp. 'I really need to work on your friend.'
Sanji slams a barrel on deck in front of him. 'No, you can't.' He opens the top, revealing a bubbling barrel filled with a creamy brown liquid. 'We're celebrating our crew mate's recovery in addition to you joining us, so you can't say no.'
Nami walks up to him. 'Sanji's right. You may be a jerk and a raging misanthrope.' She looks back at Nojiko. 'But you did save my sister's life, so you've earned it.'
Vivi walks over. 'And the fact that you're now massively wealthy after your trip?'
'A happy coincidence.'
Zoro picks up a tankard and dips it in the fluid. He holds it up. 'What is this stuff, cook?'
Sanji dips his own mug in the substance. 'Birch water.' He swirls the silky substance in the cup. 'It's watery tree sap fermented to give it a fizzy aftertaste. Our little trip down the mountain shook it up, so it needs to be drunk now before it gets flat.'
Zoro shrugs. 'So long as it has alcohol in it.'
Luffy dips his own mug in the barrel and holds it high. 'All right guys!' He gestures to the deer-man next to him. 'To Chopper joining our crew...'
He grunts, picking up his filled tankard.
'To Nojiko's recovery...'
The bull girl waves happily with the cup in her hand.
'And to a whole heaping mass of treasure...'
The group looks at their massive haul of supplies and wealth.
'I say... KAMPAI!' He raises his mug towards them.
'KAMPAI!!'
The crew clinks their glasses and, as one, downs the substance.
'Bwagh!' Zoro wipes his lips. 'You know that's not bad!'
Vivi sips it again. 'It reminds me of Pear cactus juice from my country!
'Weert wwerrr!' Karoo sips his drink through a straw, nodding in confirmation.
'Sawdust... gravy...' A groggy Usopp downs his drink, a happy smile on his face.
Nami appraises her glass. 'It's sweet but with a little kick after the fact. This is high quality stuff.'
Chopper downs his own flagon. 'Of course it is. Syrups are one of Drum's major exports. It's high in sugars and easy to store through the winter.'
'More please!' Nojiko holds out her cup.
'Here you go, Nojiko-chan!' Sanji says happily. 'Take as much as you like! You deserve it!'
The crew talks happily amongst themselves as the party around them breaks into smaller groups.
Nami and Chopper spend their time discussing plague prevention and treatment.
Zoro and Luffy get into a drinking contest, seeing who can down their cups the fastest.
Usopp lies on the deck, wrapping his body around the Merry's mast and dreaming pleasant dreams.
Nojiko keeps getting roped into Chopper's lectures about her body. She just as quickly loses interest and walks the decks, savoring the ship as if it were her first time seeing it.
Vivi and Karoo chat amicably about their home, Alabasta, while taking in the snowy scenery of Drum. The sight of the blooming tree of white had engraved itself in the Princess’ mind.
And Sanji?
After seeing to his crew's needs, he smiles and begins the arduous task of moving their food into the pantry. Leaving behind the Birch water for his crew's party, he spends a half hour moving boxes, storing perishables, and sealing jars. With the last box moved, he smiles at the sight of a full pantry.
Enough food to make it to Alabasta lines the shelves and flooring. The sight is one of the best things he has seen all day.
Short of Nami-swan, Vivi chan, and the healthy, perky Nojiko chan, of course!
The chef nods, locks the room tight, and walks back on deck, just in time to catch the tail end of the party.
Yes, things were definitely looking up.
.......
He awakes.
His ears listen for any more sounds.
That had been... unexpected.
For a blast of that magnitude to even jostle his cell, it would take billions of
joules of force.
And it would have to get through the castle above him, which, if memory served, was guarded by Drum's best and brightest.
Something must have happened.
He twitches, and the sea stone hooks bite deeper.
Unfortunately for him, even if something did happen...
Wait...
He thrashes about. He feels the hooks in his flesh fill his body with indescribable agony.
They're loose.
The explosion must have loosened the chains holding him in place!
He would consider shouting for joy were his mouth, eyes, and nose not sealed in a cement block.
He strains as he pulls on his right side. He feels flesh and bone in his wrist torn to pieces by his thrashing. His primal hindbrain screams at him to stop.
He doesn't.
He keeps pulling, and pulling, using what meager strength he has to pull his body free.
Eventually, though, something must give. Half his hand is ripped off. The flesh of his limb swings on the hook mounted to the ceiling.
He feels like laughing for the first time in ages. Of course the rest of his arm is held in place, barely able to move. But he can move his fingers.
When they regrow, that is.
He feels his flesh bubble as his cells slowly heal the wound.
Then, of course, once he rips himself free of the hooks he'll need to escape the coffin the chains snake through, remove the sea stone spikes placed through his body, and then somehow open a two-meter door designed to open only from the outside.
And he'd have to do each of those things without his Devil Fruit power since every square inch of his prison was covered in sea stone.
To anyone else, the task would have seemed daunting, impossible, but he had all the time in the world. Given enough time, his escape and return to the world at large was inevitable. He was afflicted with immortality after all. He had all the time he needed.
He'd also have to find where they hid his test subject. After all, how could he cure the plague without his favorite sample?
He was so resilient, so patient.
Just like him.
He feels the last of his fingers regenerate and wiggles them to test their strength. He moves his fingers down to another hook halfway down his forearm. He feels the chain around it.
He would escape this place. He was promised he would.
He would cure every illness. It was his purpose.
He would continue, now and forevermore, as the universe's greatest doctor.
He slips a loop of chain free of the hook.
It was his destiny.
.......
The ship sails through the dark seas away from the kingdom of Drum. The crew's high spirits and Vivi's pleading had led them to start their journey towards Alabasta at full speed. The Merry sails away from the frozen seas towards warmer waters guided by a temperate breeze.
The ship rocks the majority of the crew to sleep as they drift towards their destination. The past three days had been eventful, cataloging treasure, avoiding ice flows, and an endless barrage of invasive medical tests courtesy of their new doctor.
Now the majority of the crew was sleeping, with only Nami nudging the ship back on course every hour or so.
But not everyone was asleep.
Some were unable to sleep.
And not due to stress.
A pair of iron feet mechanically move about the deck.
Without soul, without passion, they carry their owner forward.
Step by step.
Foot by foot.
To a single door.
A door its owner had eyed for the past several days.
It didn't remember much.
A flash of snowy scenery.
Blood and screams.
A loud hearty laugh at crushing #%&^$#@&.
It hurt to think.
All it knew was it was HUNGRY.
It WANTED to eat.
Its body had been nourished with paste, but it wasn't enough.
It NEEDED food.
It stares at the door. Its bloodshot eyes glare at the lock keeping food from it.
It MUST#$^&# eat.
It wasn't commanded to go into this room.
It wasn't commanded to eat.
#so it would eat#
It extends its sole fleshy hand towards the lock. A bloated tumor on its palm
opens up the middle, and a large pair of misshapen teeth emerge. They open over the reinforced lock.
CrunCH
The lock is gone. The maw on his hand swallows the metal. It was bland.
It opens the door to the pantry.
Shelves and shelves of food line the walls; ingredients were plentiful and delectable.
The space where its mouth should be waters instinctively. Drool drips out of its throat opening, staining the floor.
Its earlier attempts to eat had failed since its mouth was gone. But it had grown a new mouth.
It takes in the sight of to morrow's dish. A roast chicken in a metal pot is slowly cooked on a bed of coals.
It extends its hand towards the food. Its skin is singed, but it doesn't register the pain.
It eats it.
The entire bird disappears down its tube towards its endless stomach.
...it wasn't enough.
It looks towards a barrel filled with dried meat covered in pepper.
It extends its hand into the barrel.
Ssssssuuullllrrrpppp
The barrel is now empty.
...it wasn't enough.
It looks towards a crate filled with potatoes.
It places its hand dripping with foul fluids into the crate.
Its maw thrashes about, devouring each spud individually.
It feels its stomach fill slightly, only to return to being empty as soon as the
crate is empty.
...it wasn't enough.
Its sensors detect something moving across the deck behind it.
'Luffy, I swear to the gods if you're trying to get a midnight snack again...'
It turns behind it. It sees an orange female walk into the open door frame behind it. She looks surprised and scared. In her hand is a spiked mace.
$%$&#It wants to stop it.
'What?! Wapol!'
# It wants to stop it from eating#
It swings its hand towards the woman, striking her head.
The woman slumps to the floor from the impact.
She is unconscious.
Good.
The woman is not$^$# food.
It wants to eat food.
It turns towards a massive pile of raw rice.
Now no one can stop it from eating.
It sticks its hand in the bag and inhales.
The crunchy grains vanish.
Now it could eat all the food.
And no one could stop it from eating it.
It looks around.
It has a lot of food it can eat.
...it wasn't enough for it.
But it didn't care.
It was HUNGRY.
#it would eat now#
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