Categories > Anime/Manga > Ranma 1/2
T'internet Tourette's Syndrome
Purest garbage inspired by an internet cesspool. Read at your own risk... Contains poor use of English and scenes of an adult nature.
?Blocked
T'internet Tourette's Syndrome
By Lord Raa
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Disclaim-me-do: Worst fic idea ever.
The following story is pure tosh. It also contains scenes of a sexual nature and strong language.
Do not read if you're expecting something well written, clever or serious.
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Happousai was not happy about the way Ranma had disturbed his latest mission to liberate the silky darlings of Nerima.
"That stupid snot-nosed punk! I'll sort him out!"
The diminutive pervert reached into his gi and pulled out a scroll. "This should teach him a lesson. Now then what do I need to make this happen?"
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It was rather late when Ranma returned to the Tendo Dojo with Ryoga in tow. The Lost Boy had been avoiding a new arrival in Nerima, who was claiming to be his fiancée.
"Damn, Ryoga, how did you meet this girl?" the Saotome heir asked as he handed his friend/rival a bottle of water.
"I don't really remember," the fanged youth replied. "Unless, she's that daughter of a woman a met once..."
"Oh?" Ranma teased good-naturedly. "When did you become the ladies' man?"
"I didn't do anything! I just sort of found her and her mother, Mary Suu, in the woods and I helped them with their campfire. I don't know what happened, but that girl decided that I 'needed to be glomped good and proper,' what ever that means," Ryoga shrugged.
Ranma laughed out loud at his friend's predicament. "It's about time this happened to someone who ain't me."
"Laugh it up, Ranma," the Lost Boy deadpanned. "I'm sure that your ego can deal with the fact that I managed to find a girl to like me that absolutely hates you."
"What?"
"Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? She hates you because she thinks you're trying to corrupt me."
Ranma's face fell. "That's not funny."
"Yes it is," Ryoga replied, sticking his tongue out.
The pair of martial artists started laughing in unison until Happi bounded in and unleashed his latest havoc on the cursed Martial artists.
Unfortunately for the shrivelled martial arts master, Kasumi was returning to the kitchen with a dirty tea set and was enveloped in the puce light along with the friendly rivals, rendering the three of them unconscious.
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"WTF happened there?" Ranma asked once he had woken up.
"Apparently Happousai was attempting to punish you for earlier, when you stopped his excursion," Nabiki explained. "Ryoga and Kasumi were also in the blast."
"O RLY?" Kasumi enquired as she retied her ponytail.
"Yes," Soun nodded. "I'm so sorry, Kasumi, Ranma should have protected you more."
"WTF? Are you completely made of fail?" Ranma demanded from the moustachioed man. "How is it my fault?"
"'Made of fail'?" the middle Tendo repeated. "Just where did you hear that term, Ranma?"
"I dunno lol ¯\(º_o)/¯," the pigtailed youth answered with an exaggerated shrug.
Kasumi stood up and stretched. "BRB, need food. You hungry, Ranma-kun?"
"LOL," Ryoga chuckled. "When is he not hungry?"
"That's true," the brunette sighed good-naturedly. "So then, how long before Cologne and Shampoo arrive?"
"They should be here soon," Nabiki answered. "How did you know we called them?"
"Because it's what we do whenever Grandfather Happousai brings out anything unusual."
"Oh, well, she should be here soon," Akane reiterated after she realised that this was indeed the case and the elderly Amazon had been called up several times in the past.
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Five minutes later, Cologne and Shampoo arrived, though this time, the Amazons rang the doorbell, rather than barge in through a wall.
"So then, what's the latest mishap for Son-in-law," the aged woman asked. "He managed to get himself locked in his cursed form again?"
"No, it seems that he, Kasumi and Ryoga were affected by the Master's scroll," Soun replied handing a length of paper with crimson writing on it.
"I've never seen a curse like this before," Cologne mused as she read through the text. "Ah, so that's what happened..."
"What did he do?" Nabiki asked, not liking the way Shampoo was trying to feed Ranma.
"He's given them a curse. It was a plan to get Ranma to change his behaviour, unfortunately, it's not quite worked as planned," the matriarch explained. "Happi no doubt wanted Son-in-law to be more feminine."
"Wah blow, Old Ghoul," Ranma greeted with a wave when he, Kasumi, Shampoo and Ryoga returned to the common room.
"Greetings, Son-in-law. Did you know that Happi wanted to make you more of a girl?"
"O RLY? Well, perhaps it's punch on time!" the pigtailed youth grinned maliciously as he clenched his fist.
"Not now, Ranma, we have to get you back to normal," Nabiki interrupted. "So then, what is this new curse for Saotome?"
Cologne sighed. "Well, it seems that Ranma has been cursed to have an altered personality. I don't know what went wrong for Happi, but it did and now Ranma, Ryoga and Kasumi have been changed. I might be able to find out a way to return them to normal, but I can't guarantee anything."
"I see, well, maybe it won't be so bad," Kasumi reasoned. The brunette looked over to see Shampoo trace patterns on Ranma's chest. "Shampoo, computer says 'no'!"
"Aiyah! Nice girl act all strange!" the purple haired lovely exclaimed. "Airen not act strange?"
"Bewbies...." The Saotome heir mumbled happily as he felt the Amazon's generous curves pressed against his torso.
"Ranma no hentai..." Akane growled angrily.
"Airen..." Shampoo murmured happily as she felt Ranma's arm hold her in place.
"How dare you, Ranma?!"
"I wouldn't be so harsh, Akane," Kasumi interjected. "Ranma-kun has just been cursed. Besides, I'd hit it like the drums at the Nebuta festival."
"Me too," Ryoga nodded sagely. He turned to the Tendo housekeeper. "A/S/L?"
"19/F/Here," Kasumi winked as she started to lead the Lost Boy to her room.
"HEY!" Akane and Nabiki protested. "You can't just run off as if nothing's wrong!"
"O RLY?" the duo asked unison, confusion written on their faces. "Why not?"
"Because we need to find out what to do to get you back to normal," Nabiki answered with a frown.
"Normal is a setting on the washing machine," the eldest Tendo daughter replied. "'Sides, it's nookie time for Kasumi-chan!"
"QFT," Ranma agreed. "Hey, Shampoo, your place or mine?"
"Airen really want to snoo-snoo with Shampoo?" the purple haired Amazon asked. She almost daren't wait for the reply, lest this dream end in disappointment like so many others.
The pigtailed martial artist leant in and slipped his tongue in her mouth. After a couple of minutes, which included Ranma dodging some thrown objects, the kiss was broken.
"YA, RLY."
"Airen," Shampoo purred as she rubbed her face on Ranma's chest. "We make strong babies together."
"Of course, I am made of win," the Saotome heir laughed confidently. "And beating Saffron would mean that I am also made of god. Anybody else want to have my babies?"
"Me!" Kasumi said as she raised her hand.
"HAY!" Ryoga protested angrily.
"What? I said that it's nookie time," the brunette replied. "I never said that I wanted your babies."
"GRAAH! HULK SMASH!" the fanged martial artist bellowed in enraged frustration.
The imminent rampage was cut off by Ukyo's sudden appearance and intervention. The cross-dressing chef threw a canned drink at the Lost Boy and hit him squarely in the testicles.
"Damn, the trap got me," Ryoga whimpered as he sank to the floor.
"So then, what's going on here?" Ukyo demanded. "And why are you holding onto Ranchan like that?"
"MOAR!" Ranma grinned lecherously as he first scooped Shampoo then Ukyo and fled the scene, hoping for a threesome.
"T-t-that pervert!" Akane growled, a red aura springing up around her.
"Oh stop being such a prude, Akane," Kasumi rolled her eyes. "I'd hit Ukyo too. Not as much or as hard as I would Shampoo, but she would be hit pretty hard."
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Elsewhere, Ranma was bounding across the rooftops looking for a suitable place to have his wicked way with the lovely ladies he was carrying.
"Ranchan?" Ukyo asked hesitantly.
"Ya, Ucchan?"
"What happened to you and Kasumi?"
"The Old Freak got us with a new curse, but that's not important right now. What is important is finding a place for teh hawt sexxors that I'm about to give you," the pigtailed young man grinned lecherously.
"Ranchan, normally I'd want to go on a date with you, but I'm kinda worried about Shampoo being here," the chef gestured to her rival.
"What? It's so smexy to do it with two chicks at the same time!" Ranma insisted as he stopped at a nearby park. "It makes my harbl so big!"
"Mmmmmm, harbl," Shampoo murmured happily as she subtly groped Ranma.
"Oh, you like that?" the blue-eyed martial artist smirked. "Well, there's plenty to go around if you're both good and play nice."
Ukyo "reluctantly" decided to find out what Shampoo so interested in and reached out to touch her fiancé. "DO WANT!"
"Yes, do want!" the Amazon agreed happily. "We have hawt sexxors now? Shampoo so horny! Me love you long time!"
"Me love you too, you are both very, VERY fappable," Ranma smirked. "So then, where are we shagging?"
"Err, my place is just over there, Ranchan," Ukyo pointed out helpfully after scanning the local buildings.
"What about the trap?" the young Saotome asked cautiously. "I don't do traps."
"Trap?" the amorous Amazon asked. "What trap?"
"Konatsu," Ukyo interpreted correctly. "I'll send him away and then we can sexxors until we be sore!"
"Top banana!" Ranma declared as the trio left for the okonomiyaki restaurant.
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At the Tendo Dojo Kasumi was pondering whether or not she should consider Ryoga as a sexual partner or whether she should try for Ranma.
"Ranma-kun will be acting like a manwhore," the brunette mused. "But I won't know if the Ryoga-kun is any good unless I give him a try."
Standing up, the Tendo homemaker made a declaration. "Ryoga-kun, in order to prove that you're better than Ranma, you have FIVE MINUTES to make me wet as October, otherwise you will prove that you fail at life."
"What? Cock goes where?" the Lost Boy asked with his usual intelligence.
"Four minutes and forty-five seconds, Ryoga," Kasumi said in a bored tone. "Come on, it's time for the harbl patrol!"
"Gah, time for some hawt sexxors!" Ryoga declared as he pulled down his trousers.
Kasumi calmly leaned in to inspect what was on offer. She shook her head sadly. "Do not want."
"'Do not want'? GTFO my cockspace! Is good cock!"
"Seen betterer," the tall brunette shrugged.
Nabiki observed the scene and found herself agreeing with her older sister. "SAGE! GTFO my internest!"
"What?" Akane screeched. "Has everybody gone mad? Daddy, do something!"
Soun looked at his friend and training partner. "1) Pretend nothing wrong is going on. 2) Play shogi. 3) ?????? 4) Profit!"
"Age for truth," the panda's signs read as it nodded wisely.
The youngest Tendo daughter opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
"Time's up, Ryoga," Kasumi interrupted. "You fail."
Ryoga blinked back a few tears.
"What? You going to write some emofag songs about how life is horrible? Don't fail more than you have to," Nabiki chided. "Now run along and learn how to win. You don't want to be like the Failman, now do you?"
"Failman?" Akane repeated.
"Kuno," the mercenary girl answered. "It's ironic because he always brings the fail without fail."
"Yes," Kasumi nodded. "He is most consistent with his fail. You're almost as bad, Ryoga-kun."
Alas, the Lost Boy could take no more and fled the Tendo house to regroup and plan a new strategy to defeat Ranma.
"Girl pants," the homemaker snorted derisorily. "Right then, unless any of you are traps, I'm off to find cock. Smell you later."
"What the hell was that?" Akane asked her sister.
"I can't say for sure, but it looked like Battletoads."
Not knowing what to say, the Tendo heir left for her room.
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Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo quickly entered Ukyo's room and began to undress.
"Right then, first off, Shampoo, you start eating out Ucchan," the pigtailed youth instructed.
"Shampoo no like girls!" the purple haired girl protested.
"But you would have done it with me in my cursed form?" Ranma asked. When he saw the Amazon nod, he added; "Then I don't see why you can't do it with my best friend."
"He's got a point there, Shamps," Ukyo mused. "Besides, I'm still legally a male, so it's expected for me to have a girlfriend."
"Fine, fine, Shampoo munch rug. Airen better know where to put cock," the voluptuous girl muttered in mock irritation.
"Airen know just where the cock goes," Ranma smirked as he watched the Chinese girl's ass wiggle while she lapped at the cross-dresser's crotch.
"Y HELO THAR, BUTTSECKS!" the young Saotome shouted as he pierced Shampoo's rusty sheriff's badge.
"AAAIYAAAH!!!" Shampoo screamed in surprise.
"That's it, Ranchan! Stick it in her pooper!" the chestnut haired girl goaded. "Kick in her back door!"
Ranma, unheeding of the Chinese girl's protests, forced his way into the Amazon's anus with a few strokes, but it was too much for the sexually inexperience Saotome and he came.
Shampoo was relieved when she felt the hot semen fill her insides and Ranma slowly extract himself. "Airen no do that again without telling Shampoo!"
The raven haired teenager just laughed arrogantly.
The laughter stopped when the chef threw a glass of water on the pair and Shampoo's cat form started to hiss.
"NOOOO!! LONGCAT IS LOOOOOONG! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT!" Ranma-chan started to repeat from the corner of the bedroom.
Ukyo sighed. "Why do I have to be the normal one?"
The chef had completely ignored the fact that she was the one that had triggered the curses and grabbed Shampoo and took her to the bathroom to clean her up.
Shampoo paused washing herself and turned to the brunette. "Why you turn me into Longcat?"
"Because I needed to make Ranchan know that we're not going to let him get away with whatever he wants," Ukyo explained. "Besides, I was wondering if his cock would be clean when he changes back. There's a lot about Jusenkyo curses that people ask me about."
"Then why they not ask me?" asked the Amazon.
"Because people think you're an idiot with your speech patterns. But that's not important right now, what is important is the fact that it's my turn to ride the Wild Horse!" the chef declared with a lecherous grin on her face.
"Shampoo not like the sound of that," Shampoo replied, her eyes narrowed.
"Doesn't mean that you can't sit on his face, babe," Ukyo winked saucily. "I don't think that Ranchan's mom would mind if he was manly with two women at the same time. And remember, he's still under her scrutiny."
"You make persuasive argument, Crossdresser."
"Thanks. Now, let's get Ranchan cleaned up. No offence, sugar, but poop juice is not something I want to taste," the brunette smirked.
"Shampoo still not happy about having harbl stuck up pooper," the purple haired lovely grumbled. "Pooper not designed for having such big harbl shoved up it!"
"That's true," Ukyo laughed as she handed a towel to her former rival.
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Ranma was brought out of her foetal position by a cup of hot water being poured on her head, turning the naked martial artist from a busty redhead to well toned beefcake.
"Ucchan?"
"WB, Ranchan. We're ready to go now. And if you think we're letting you go without teh hawt sexxors, then you've got another thing coming," the chef replied icily.
"Of course I wasn't thinking that, Ucchan!" the pigtailed youth insisted. "Isn't it time for us to have teh hawt sexxors? I'm pretty sure that's the only reason you invited me over here..."
"Get cleaned up first, Ranchan. I'm as open minded as the next girl, but I ain't tasting Shampoo's stink nuggets."
"Don't blame you," Ranma smirked. "Ima go wash my harbl in your sink."
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In Ukyo's bathroom, Ranma was carefully cleaning his manhood when Konatsu walked in.
"How's it going, Trap?" the raven haired martial artist asked as he looked up from the sink.
"ZOMG PENIS!" the cross-dressing ninja exclaimed before turning around and running out of the restaurant.
"What's his problem? I mean, it's not like he hasn't seen one before. It's not that scary, is it?"
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Two minutes later, and the young Saotome walked into Ukyo's bedroom, still as naked as the day he was born.
"You like what you see, Ucchan?"
"Do want. Very much," the brunette said as she wiped some drool off her chin.
"That's cool," Ranma smiled. "It's just that Konatsu just ran off screaming like a little girl."
"Maybe that because he not seen one that is made of as much win like yours?" Shampoo offered. "But not important now, what is important is you lie down and let Ucchan ride you like a bucking bronco while I sit on your face."
"Top idea, Shamps," Ranma said as he rubbed his hands together.
"I'm glad to see that you approve, Ranchan," Ukyo smiled when she saw her fiancé's penis harden obscenely.
"I approve of many things," the blue-eyed martial artist answered as he lay on his back and gestured to the curvaceous women. "Come get some hawt sexxors!"
The okonomiyaki chef crawled towards Ranma with a hungry look on her face. When she approached her fiancé's manhood she gave the jutting appendage a tentative lick up its length.
"Oooh, I likes that a lot, Ucchan," Ranma gasped in pleasure.
"You like this a lot too, Airen," Shampoo smirked as she manoeuvred herself into position and used her lavender framed snatch to tickle Ranma's nose.
The Amazon reached over and gave the iron hard shaft in front of her a few strokes.
"Airen's harbl is so hard it excites me!" she declared happily.
"So I can see," the Saotome heir remarked dryly as he reached up with his tongue to taste the Chinese girl's juices. "Mmm, you taste good, Shamps. Let me try something for you."
Ranma pulled the bustier of the two girls over his face and began to lap at her labia with a gentleness that she didn't expect considering the rapidly increasing speed of his tongue.
"Ah! AAAH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAIIIIRRRREEEEENNNN!" Shampoo cried out in ecstasy. Despite her prime physical condition, it too the Amazon several minutes to get her breath back to the point where she could speak. "Airen, I am yours..." she panted happily.
"Damn, Ranchan, you're a sex-machine!" an impressed Ukyo whistled.
"And I'm ready to reload," the pigtailed martial artist smirked. "I'm like an atom bomb waiting to oh, oh, oh explode."
Ukyo straddled her fiancé's hips and began to lower herself onto the rigid shaft, the slow descent eliciting short gasps of pleasure from her lips.
"So big..."
"See why Shampoo not like that stuck up pooper without warning?" Shampoo turned to her lover. "But if Airen promise to do tongue thing, then he can stick harbl wherever he likes. Even Mercenary Girl."
"But only in her pooper!" she amended hastily.
"Anything to add, Ucchan?" Ranma asked the girl slowly easing herself on his erect penis.
"She acted like a bitch, so make her OUR bitch," the chef answered before she started to move herself up and down the solid shaft of manliness.
"Make her our bitch? You mean like making her wear a collar and not much else? That idea's ROFLcopter! I like that, what do you think, Shamps?" the male martial artist asked his Chinese lover.
"She needs to be punished. We make her 15IBRC certified?"
"Age!" Ranma and Ukyo shouted in unison as they started their love-making in earnest, with the pair of them thrusting in harmony.
Reaching forward, the Saotome heir began to caress the cross-dresser's breasts, the gentle squeezing becoming more of a mauling as he got into swing of things.
"Ranchan!" Ukyo cried out as she flopped forward, exhausted by her orgasm.
"Not done yet," Ranma replied as he rolled the ecstatic girl onto her back and finished himself off manually.
"Unh," he grunted as he shot his load over the two girls' chests and faces. "You two are mine. No-one else's. Mine."
"That's... rather... sexist of... you, Ranchan," the brunette panted.
"You started it by insisting that I make Nabiki my bitch," Ranma said arrogantly. "But you like it really. It's just proof of my manliness."
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To be complained about...
Well, this piece of written garbage was inspired by 4chan and was previewed on Hawk's forum which you can all access here: http://s14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction_Forum/index.php?act=idx
No, I don't know when more of this will be vomited forth into a document.
With a spot of luck, it won't ever happen again. I wouldn't blame you if you shunned my future postings for this atrocity.
Unless you're really, really masochistic and beg me for more.
By Lord Raa
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Disclaim-me-do: Worst fic idea ever.
The following story is pure tosh. It also contains scenes of a sexual nature and strong language.
Do not read if you're expecting something well written, clever or serious.
@@@@@
Happousai was not happy about the way Ranma had disturbed his latest mission to liberate the silky darlings of Nerima.
"That stupid snot-nosed punk! I'll sort him out!"
The diminutive pervert reached into his gi and pulled out a scroll. "This should teach him a lesson. Now then what do I need to make this happen?"
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It was rather late when Ranma returned to the Tendo Dojo with Ryoga in tow. The Lost Boy had been avoiding a new arrival in Nerima, who was claiming to be his fiancée.
"Damn, Ryoga, how did you meet this girl?" the Saotome heir asked as he handed his friend/rival a bottle of water.
"I don't really remember," the fanged youth replied. "Unless, she's that daughter of a woman a met once..."
"Oh?" Ranma teased good-naturedly. "When did you become the ladies' man?"
"I didn't do anything! I just sort of found her and her mother, Mary Suu, in the woods and I helped them with their campfire. I don't know what happened, but that girl decided that I 'needed to be glomped good and proper,' what ever that means," Ryoga shrugged.
Ranma laughed out loud at his friend's predicament. "It's about time this happened to someone who ain't me."
"Laugh it up, Ranma," the Lost Boy deadpanned. "I'm sure that your ego can deal with the fact that I managed to find a girl to like me that absolutely hates you."
"What?"
"Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? She hates you because she thinks you're trying to corrupt me."
Ranma's face fell. "That's not funny."
"Yes it is," Ryoga replied, sticking his tongue out.
The pair of martial artists started laughing in unison until Happi bounded in and unleashed his latest havoc on the cursed Martial artists.
Unfortunately for the shrivelled martial arts master, Kasumi was returning to the kitchen with a dirty tea set and was enveloped in the puce light along with the friendly rivals, rendering the three of them unconscious.
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"WTF happened there?" Ranma asked once he had woken up.
"Apparently Happousai was attempting to punish you for earlier, when you stopped his excursion," Nabiki explained. "Ryoga and Kasumi were also in the blast."
"O RLY?" Kasumi enquired as she retied her ponytail.
"Yes," Soun nodded. "I'm so sorry, Kasumi, Ranma should have protected you more."
"WTF? Are you completely made of fail?" Ranma demanded from the moustachioed man. "How is it my fault?"
"'Made of fail'?" the middle Tendo repeated. "Just where did you hear that term, Ranma?"
"I dunno lol ¯\(º_o)/¯," the pigtailed youth answered with an exaggerated shrug.
Kasumi stood up and stretched. "BRB, need food. You hungry, Ranma-kun?"
"LOL," Ryoga chuckled. "When is he not hungry?"
"That's true," the brunette sighed good-naturedly. "So then, how long before Cologne and Shampoo arrive?"
"They should be here soon," Nabiki answered. "How did you know we called them?"
"Because it's what we do whenever Grandfather Happousai brings out anything unusual."
"Oh, well, she should be here soon," Akane reiterated after she realised that this was indeed the case and the elderly Amazon had been called up several times in the past.
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Five minutes later, Cologne and Shampoo arrived, though this time, the Amazons rang the doorbell, rather than barge in through a wall.
"So then, what's the latest mishap for Son-in-law," the aged woman asked. "He managed to get himself locked in his cursed form again?"
"No, it seems that he, Kasumi and Ryoga were affected by the Master's scroll," Soun replied handing a length of paper with crimson writing on it.
"I've never seen a curse like this before," Cologne mused as she read through the text. "Ah, so that's what happened..."
"What did he do?" Nabiki asked, not liking the way Shampoo was trying to feed Ranma.
"He's given them a curse. It was a plan to get Ranma to change his behaviour, unfortunately, it's not quite worked as planned," the matriarch explained. "Happi no doubt wanted Son-in-law to be more feminine."
"Wah blow, Old Ghoul," Ranma greeted with a wave when he, Kasumi, Shampoo and Ryoga returned to the common room.
"Greetings, Son-in-law. Did you know that Happi wanted to make you more of a girl?"
"O RLY? Well, perhaps it's punch on time!" the pigtailed youth grinned maliciously as he clenched his fist.
"Not now, Ranma, we have to get you back to normal," Nabiki interrupted. "So then, what is this new curse for Saotome?"
Cologne sighed. "Well, it seems that Ranma has been cursed to have an altered personality. I don't know what went wrong for Happi, but it did and now Ranma, Ryoga and Kasumi have been changed. I might be able to find out a way to return them to normal, but I can't guarantee anything."
"I see, well, maybe it won't be so bad," Kasumi reasoned. The brunette looked over to see Shampoo trace patterns on Ranma's chest. "Shampoo, computer says 'no'!"
"Aiyah! Nice girl act all strange!" the purple haired lovely exclaimed. "Airen not act strange?"
"Bewbies...." The Saotome heir mumbled happily as he felt the Amazon's generous curves pressed against his torso.
"Ranma no hentai..." Akane growled angrily.
"Airen..." Shampoo murmured happily as she felt Ranma's arm hold her in place.
"How dare you, Ranma?!"
"I wouldn't be so harsh, Akane," Kasumi interjected. "Ranma-kun has just been cursed. Besides, I'd hit it like the drums at the Nebuta festival."
"Me too," Ryoga nodded sagely. He turned to the Tendo housekeeper. "A/S/L?"
"19/F/Here," Kasumi winked as she started to lead the Lost Boy to her room.
"HEY!" Akane and Nabiki protested. "You can't just run off as if nothing's wrong!"
"O RLY?" the duo asked unison, confusion written on their faces. "Why not?"
"Because we need to find out what to do to get you back to normal," Nabiki answered with a frown.
"Normal is a setting on the washing machine," the eldest Tendo daughter replied. "'Sides, it's nookie time for Kasumi-chan!"
"QFT," Ranma agreed. "Hey, Shampoo, your place or mine?"
"Airen really want to snoo-snoo with Shampoo?" the purple haired Amazon asked. She almost daren't wait for the reply, lest this dream end in disappointment like so many others.
The pigtailed martial artist leant in and slipped his tongue in her mouth. After a couple of minutes, which included Ranma dodging some thrown objects, the kiss was broken.
"YA, RLY."
"Airen," Shampoo purred as she rubbed her face on Ranma's chest. "We make strong babies together."
"Of course, I am made of win," the Saotome heir laughed confidently. "And beating Saffron would mean that I am also made of god. Anybody else want to have my babies?"
"Me!" Kasumi said as she raised her hand.
"HAY!" Ryoga protested angrily.
"What? I said that it's nookie time," the brunette replied. "I never said that I wanted your babies."
"GRAAH! HULK SMASH!" the fanged martial artist bellowed in enraged frustration.
The imminent rampage was cut off by Ukyo's sudden appearance and intervention. The cross-dressing chef threw a canned drink at the Lost Boy and hit him squarely in the testicles.
"Damn, the trap got me," Ryoga whimpered as he sank to the floor.
"So then, what's going on here?" Ukyo demanded. "And why are you holding onto Ranchan like that?"
"MOAR!" Ranma grinned lecherously as he first scooped Shampoo then Ukyo and fled the scene, hoping for a threesome.
"T-t-that pervert!" Akane growled, a red aura springing up around her.
"Oh stop being such a prude, Akane," Kasumi rolled her eyes. "I'd hit Ukyo too. Not as much or as hard as I would Shampoo, but she would be hit pretty hard."
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Elsewhere, Ranma was bounding across the rooftops looking for a suitable place to have his wicked way with the lovely ladies he was carrying.
"Ranchan?" Ukyo asked hesitantly.
"Ya, Ucchan?"
"What happened to you and Kasumi?"
"The Old Freak got us with a new curse, but that's not important right now. What is important is finding a place for teh hawt sexxors that I'm about to give you," the pigtailed young man grinned lecherously.
"Ranchan, normally I'd want to go on a date with you, but I'm kinda worried about Shampoo being here," the chef gestured to her rival.
"What? It's so smexy to do it with two chicks at the same time!" Ranma insisted as he stopped at a nearby park. "It makes my harbl so big!"
"Mmmmmm, harbl," Shampoo murmured happily as she subtly groped Ranma.
"Oh, you like that?" the blue-eyed martial artist smirked. "Well, there's plenty to go around if you're both good and play nice."
Ukyo "reluctantly" decided to find out what Shampoo so interested in and reached out to touch her fiancé. "DO WANT!"
"Yes, do want!" the Amazon agreed happily. "We have hawt sexxors now? Shampoo so horny! Me love you long time!"
"Me love you too, you are both very, VERY fappable," Ranma smirked. "So then, where are we shagging?"
"Err, my place is just over there, Ranchan," Ukyo pointed out helpfully after scanning the local buildings.
"What about the trap?" the young Saotome asked cautiously. "I don't do traps."
"Trap?" the amorous Amazon asked. "What trap?"
"Konatsu," Ukyo interpreted correctly. "I'll send him away and then we can sexxors until we be sore!"
"Top banana!" Ranma declared as the trio left for the okonomiyaki restaurant.
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At the Tendo Dojo Kasumi was pondering whether or not she should consider Ryoga as a sexual partner or whether she should try for Ranma.
"Ranma-kun will be acting like a manwhore," the brunette mused. "But I won't know if the Ryoga-kun is any good unless I give him a try."
Standing up, the Tendo homemaker made a declaration. "Ryoga-kun, in order to prove that you're better than Ranma, you have FIVE MINUTES to make me wet as October, otherwise you will prove that you fail at life."
"What? Cock goes where?" the Lost Boy asked with his usual intelligence.
"Four minutes and forty-five seconds, Ryoga," Kasumi said in a bored tone. "Come on, it's time for the harbl patrol!"
"Gah, time for some hawt sexxors!" Ryoga declared as he pulled down his trousers.
Kasumi calmly leaned in to inspect what was on offer. She shook her head sadly. "Do not want."
"'Do not want'? GTFO my cockspace! Is good cock!"
"Seen betterer," the tall brunette shrugged.
Nabiki observed the scene and found herself agreeing with her older sister. "SAGE! GTFO my internest!"
"What?" Akane screeched. "Has everybody gone mad? Daddy, do something!"
Soun looked at his friend and training partner. "1) Pretend nothing wrong is going on. 2) Play shogi. 3) ?????? 4) Profit!"
"Age for truth," the panda's signs read as it nodded wisely.
The youngest Tendo daughter opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
"Time's up, Ryoga," Kasumi interrupted. "You fail."
Ryoga blinked back a few tears.
"What? You going to write some emofag songs about how life is horrible? Don't fail more than you have to," Nabiki chided. "Now run along and learn how to win. You don't want to be like the Failman, now do you?"
"Failman?" Akane repeated.
"Kuno," the mercenary girl answered. "It's ironic because he always brings the fail without fail."
"Yes," Kasumi nodded. "He is most consistent with his fail. You're almost as bad, Ryoga-kun."
Alas, the Lost Boy could take no more and fled the Tendo house to regroup and plan a new strategy to defeat Ranma.
"Girl pants," the homemaker snorted derisorily. "Right then, unless any of you are traps, I'm off to find cock. Smell you later."
"What the hell was that?" Akane asked her sister.
"I can't say for sure, but it looked like Battletoads."
Not knowing what to say, the Tendo heir left for her room.
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Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo quickly entered Ukyo's room and began to undress.
"Right then, first off, Shampoo, you start eating out Ucchan," the pigtailed youth instructed.
"Shampoo no like girls!" the purple haired girl protested.
"But you would have done it with me in my cursed form?" Ranma asked. When he saw the Amazon nod, he added; "Then I don't see why you can't do it with my best friend."
"He's got a point there, Shamps," Ukyo mused. "Besides, I'm still legally a male, so it's expected for me to have a girlfriend."
"Fine, fine, Shampoo munch rug. Airen better know where to put cock," the voluptuous girl muttered in mock irritation.
"Airen know just where the cock goes," Ranma smirked as he watched the Chinese girl's ass wiggle while she lapped at the cross-dresser's crotch.
"Y HELO THAR, BUTTSECKS!" the young Saotome shouted as he pierced Shampoo's rusty sheriff's badge.
"AAAIYAAAH!!!" Shampoo screamed in surprise.
"That's it, Ranchan! Stick it in her pooper!" the chestnut haired girl goaded. "Kick in her back door!"
Ranma, unheeding of the Chinese girl's protests, forced his way into the Amazon's anus with a few strokes, but it was too much for the sexually inexperience Saotome and he came.
Shampoo was relieved when she felt the hot semen fill her insides and Ranma slowly extract himself. "Airen no do that again without telling Shampoo!"
The raven haired teenager just laughed arrogantly.
The laughter stopped when the chef threw a glass of water on the pair and Shampoo's cat form started to hiss.
"NOOOO!! LONGCAT IS LOOOOOONG! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT!" Ranma-chan started to repeat from the corner of the bedroom.
Ukyo sighed. "Why do I have to be the normal one?"
The chef had completely ignored the fact that she was the one that had triggered the curses and grabbed Shampoo and took her to the bathroom to clean her up.
Shampoo paused washing herself and turned to the brunette. "Why you turn me into Longcat?"
"Because I needed to make Ranchan know that we're not going to let him get away with whatever he wants," Ukyo explained. "Besides, I was wondering if his cock would be clean when he changes back. There's a lot about Jusenkyo curses that people ask me about."
"Then why they not ask me?" asked the Amazon.
"Because people think you're an idiot with your speech patterns. But that's not important right now, what is important is the fact that it's my turn to ride the Wild Horse!" the chef declared with a lecherous grin on her face.
"Shampoo not like the sound of that," Shampoo replied, her eyes narrowed.
"Doesn't mean that you can't sit on his face, babe," Ukyo winked saucily. "I don't think that Ranchan's mom would mind if he was manly with two women at the same time. And remember, he's still under her scrutiny."
"You make persuasive argument, Crossdresser."
"Thanks. Now, let's get Ranchan cleaned up. No offence, sugar, but poop juice is not something I want to taste," the brunette smirked.
"Shampoo still not happy about having harbl stuck up pooper," the purple haired lovely grumbled. "Pooper not designed for having such big harbl shoved up it!"
"That's true," Ukyo laughed as she handed a towel to her former rival.
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Ranma was brought out of her foetal position by a cup of hot water being poured on her head, turning the naked martial artist from a busty redhead to well toned beefcake.
"Ucchan?"
"WB, Ranchan. We're ready to go now. And if you think we're letting you go without teh hawt sexxors, then you've got another thing coming," the chef replied icily.
"Of course I wasn't thinking that, Ucchan!" the pigtailed youth insisted. "Isn't it time for us to have teh hawt sexxors? I'm pretty sure that's the only reason you invited me over here..."
"Get cleaned up first, Ranchan. I'm as open minded as the next girl, but I ain't tasting Shampoo's stink nuggets."
"Don't blame you," Ranma smirked. "Ima go wash my harbl in your sink."
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In Ukyo's bathroom, Ranma was carefully cleaning his manhood when Konatsu walked in.
"How's it going, Trap?" the raven haired martial artist asked as he looked up from the sink.
"ZOMG PENIS!" the cross-dressing ninja exclaimed before turning around and running out of the restaurant.
"What's his problem? I mean, it's not like he hasn't seen one before. It's not that scary, is it?"
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Two minutes later, and the young Saotome walked into Ukyo's bedroom, still as naked as the day he was born.
"You like what you see, Ucchan?"
"Do want. Very much," the brunette said as she wiped some drool off her chin.
"That's cool," Ranma smiled. "It's just that Konatsu just ran off screaming like a little girl."
"Maybe that because he not seen one that is made of as much win like yours?" Shampoo offered. "But not important now, what is important is you lie down and let Ucchan ride you like a bucking bronco while I sit on your face."
"Top idea, Shamps," Ranma said as he rubbed his hands together.
"I'm glad to see that you approve, Ranchan," Ukyo smiled when she saw her fiancé's penis harden obscenely.
"I approve of many things," the blue-eyed martial artist answered as he lay on his back and gestured to the curvaceous women. "Come get some hawt sexxors!"
The okonomiyaki chef crawled towards Ranma with a hungry look on her face. When she approached her fiancé's manhood she gave the jutting appendage a tentative lick up its length.
"Oooh, I likes that a lot, Ucchan," Ranma gasped in pleasure.
"You like this a lot too, Airen," Shampoo smirked as she manoeuvred herself into position and used her lavender framed snatch to tickle Ranma's nose.
The Amazon reached over and gave the iron hard shaft in front of her a few strokes.
"Airen's harbl is so hard it excites me!" she declared happily.
"So I can see," the Saotome heir remarked dryly as he reached up with his tongue to taste the Chinese girl's juices. "Mmm, you taste good, Shamps. Let me try something for you."
Ranma pulled the bustier of the two girls over his face and began to lap at her labia with a gentleness that she didn't expect considering the rapidly increasing speed of his tongue.
"Ah! AAAH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAIIIIRRRREEEEENNNN!" Shampoo cried out in ecstasy. Despite her prime physical condition, it too the Amazon several minutes to get her breath back to the point where she could speak. "Airen, I am yours..." she panted happily.
"Damn, Ranchan, you're a sex-machine!" an impressed Ukyo whistled.
"And I'm ready to reload," the pigtailed martial artist smirked. "I'm like an atom bomb waiting to oh, oh, oh explode."
Ukyo straddled her fiancé's hips and began to lower herself onto the rigid shaft, the slow descent eliciting short gasps of pleasure from her lips.
"So big..."
"See why Shampoo not like that stuck up pooper without warning?" Shampoo turned to her lover. "But if Airen promise to do tongue thing, then he can stick harbl wherever he likes. Even Mercenary Girl."
"But only in her pooper!" she amended hastily.
"Anything to add, Ucchan?" Ranma asked the girl slowly easing herself on his erect penis.
"She acted like a bitch, so make her OUR bitch," the chef answered before she started to move herself up and down the solid shaft of manliness.
"Make her our bitch? You mean like making her wear a collar and not much else? That idea's ROFLcopter! I like that, what do you think, Shamps?" the male martial artist asked his Chinese lover.
"She needs to be punished. We make her 15IBRC certified?"
"Age!" Ranma and Ukyo shouted in unison as they started their love-making in earnest, with the pair of them thrusting in harmony.
Reaching forward, the Saotome heir began to caress the cross-dresser's breasts, the gentle squeezing becoming more of a mauling as he got into swing of things.
"Ranchan!" Ukyo cried out as she flopped forward, exhausted by her orgasm.
"Not done yet," Ranma replied as he rolled the ecstatic girl onto her back and finished himself off manually.
"Unh," he grunted as he shot his load over the two girls' chests and faces. "You two are mine. No-one else's. Mine."
"That's... rather... sexist of... you, Ranchan," the brunette panted.
"You started it by insisting that I make Nabiki my bitch," Ranma said arrogantly. "But you like it really. It's just proof of my manliness."
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To be complained about...
Well, this piece of written garbage was inspired by 4chan and was previewed on Hawk's forum which you can all access here: http://s14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction_Forum/index.php?act=idx
No, I don't know when more of this will be vomited forth into a document.
With a spot of luck, it won't ever happen again. I wouldn't blame you if you shunned my future postings for this atrocity.
Unless you're really, really masochistic and beg me for more.
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