Categories > TV > Power Rangers > More Than Friends And Brothers

Nothing's Changed

by Dagmar

Not everything is smooth sailing when new lovers must face the rest of the world. Insecurity raises its head.

Category: Power Rangers - Rating: NC-17 - Genres: Angst, Drama, Erotica, Romance - Characters: Jason, Tommy - Published: 2006-10-09 - Updated: 2006-10-09 - 9553 words

?Blocked
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, yada yada yada.
Note: In response to the LJ PRSW 22 challenge, theme #8: friendship
Hmm. Seems as if Idiot Muse® has a mind coughs, hoots of his own; instead of continuing with this sooner, he decided to take a detour via "Strangers In Red". (My collaboration with Cmar, loosely related to a later point in this story. Go on, read it here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3173002/1/ already! Please?) Oh well, as long as he's working, who am I to complain? Enjoy, and please tell me how I'm doing?



More Than Friends And Brothers
Chapter 6: Nothing's Changed



Tommy entered his house with a sigh, dumping his luggage in the hallway. The weekend had been great, to say the least. He and Jason were lovers now.

Pretty mind-blowing. And speaking of blowing ... He shivered as he recalled the sensation of his best friend's lips and tongue wrapping around his cock, licking and sucking until he thought he'd go mad with desire, propelling him slowly, inexorably into ecstasy ... and if he concentrated really hard, he imagined he could still feel Jason's hardness filling his own mouth, remembered the taste of his essence. Instinctively, he licked his lips and moaned. /Who would've thought ... /Reluctantly, Tommy shook himself out of the reverie.

It was Sunday night now, spring break was over, and he was back in Reefside, alone with his memories - facing another run of classes, tests and students until the end of the school year. He shouldn't complain, really - in general, he enjoyed teaching, his colleagues at Reefside High were good people even though he hadn't made friends with anyone yet beyond company for an occasional meal or drink, and now that Ms Randall no longer turned into Elsa at the drop of a hat, school was actually a rather pleasant workplace. He also had the advantage to work weekends on projects with Anton Mercer, which not only provided some welcome added income, but stimulating conversation and after-hours companionship as well if he wanted it. And of course there was Hayley - but she had her own life to live, and was caught up both in research and the Cyber Café.

He checked his mail, decided there was nothing that couldn't wait until the next day, and went into the kitchen to fix himself a light dinner of soup and sandwiches. It was too much trouble to carry his things into the den where his desk would only remind him of the unfinished project he had to complete by next week for Mercer, so he slid onto a stool at the cooking island and mechanically proceeded to eat while his thoughts continued to run in circles.

Truth be told, when he wasn't occupied with lesson plans and other projects, he was plain lonely a lot of the time.

Sometimes, Tommy just missed the social life he used to have. College in Laramie, at the University of Wyoming, had offered a lot of extracurricular activities with great museums, chances to explore his Native American heritage and lots of outdoor sports. While he'd still been racing, free time was either spent with his uncle and the other drivers, or he used to explore the parts of the country the circuit took him to. And of course back in Angel Grove he'd had his friends. Tommy sighed nostalgically as he finished his simple meal, stacked his dishes in the sink and decided to call it a night. Slowly he went upstairs, collecting his bag on the way. High school had been the best time, really - and not just because there'd always been something to do, someone to hang out with or because he'd first received his Ranger powers then. No, he also had become part of a circle of people who still were - and would always be - his closest friends.

Of course, adulthood had scattered them every which way. Kimberly now lived in Indiana with her fiancé, close to the US Gymnastics organization; Aisha was still working with animals in Africa; the last he'd heard Zack was somewhere in South America with the Peace Corps, Tanya and Adam had relocated to New York, and Trini and Billy would soon settle in Massachusetts to work together at MIT. Kat's ballet company toured all over the world, and where Rocky had gone to, nobody knew - his dojo in Stone Canyon had been struggling, his back was still giving him trouble, so he'd closed the school, dropped out of circulation lately and kept in contact by occasional phone calls and online messages. Only Jason remained close by in Angel Grove, teaching Political Science and coaching sports at Angel Grove High.

Jason. Tommy sighed; seemed as if his thoughts recently always centered on his friend.

He's not just my friend anymore. We're lovers now.

Which was all sorts of things - exciting, unbelievable, wonderful, scary, and a whole thesaurus worth of other adjectives. Tommy couldn't and wouldn't find fault with that, although the scary et cetera parts still tended to unnerve him. While he had no doubts at all about his feelings for Jason, it would still take time to get used to expressing said feelings in a physical way. True, Jason had shown incredible patience so far, introducing him to male-on-male lovemaking in the gentlest of ways. Tommy shivered anew as he recalled the pleasure they'd given each other only the night before. However, separated again by their jobs as they were, he couldn't help wondering if by changing the nature of his relationship with Jason the gains really outweighed a possible loss.

What have I gained?

The answer to that was easy. Tommy had always considered Jason his best friend - as close, or closer than his brother, and he now had gained a lover in him as well. Someone who loved him unconditionally, who was willing to let him progress at his own speed, the person he trusted above all others. That was the good part.

But what if by becoming lovers I've lost my best friend?

It seemed a valid question, and it continued to plague him as he unpacked his bags.

I need Jase as my friend. It's the one thing in my life I never expected to change. And so far it hasn't, not when Jase went away to Geneva for almost two years, not when Maligore turned him evil and he tried his damnedest to kill me, not through college and not when he was the, well, odd guy out, kinda, by admitting he was bi while I thought I was plain old hetero. Okay, so I guess that's changed, or I was wrong about myself ... anyway, I don't have a problem with that. Not anymore. Not after last weekend.

He truly hadn't.

Accepting Jason's nature for what it was had been the easy bit - it had been a somewhat startling revelation when he'd told him a few years ago, yes, but since Jason himself wasn't changed by his bisexuality, it had been a relatively simple thing to adjust his thinking ... and the issue had soon been relegated to the far back of his mind. It just was part of Jason, like the fact that he had dark hair or wore size 10 shoes, only to be remembered when it was relevant to a specific situation. However, realizing that he himself could be attracted to another man, to his best friend, had taken some serious thought and mental readjustments for Tommy. But he'd done it, aided by the fact that Jason had simply confessed his feelings and left it to Tommy to deal with it as he wished, never asking for more than he was ready to give.

However, Tommy couldn't help but wonder how their friendship would fare from now on. How were they going to interact with each other the next time they met? More importantly even, what kind of behavior did Jason expect of him in public? Would he expect them to hold hands, or something? Hug? Or even ... kiss? The idea made Tommy vaguely uncomfortable.

I don't mind hugging or kissing Jase in private. Nor am I ashamed of what we did. But I also don't want to get all mushy with him, especially in front of other people - that doesn't seem right somehow.

The alternative seemed to be to pretend nothing at all had changed.

Thing is, something has changed. We have changed. Maybe not who we are, but ... what we are. Damn!

Frustrated, Tommy went back onto the landing, yanked open the hallway closet door and threw his duffle bag inside. His next stop was the bathroom; then, he went to bed. Lying in the darkness, he stared blindly at the ceiling as he tried to relax ... and not miss having Jason's warm body next to him.

I can't act as if this last weekend never happened - and I don't think Jase can, either. It was too good, felt too right ... hell, I love him too much to treat him like anyone else!

But he had no idea whatsoever how he should treat his friend ... brother ... lover now. Or really how he wanted to be treated. When they were alone, there wouldn't be a problem; they'd tease and banter as usual, and slip in some kissing and friendly groping whenever the mood struck them. Just as they'd done before spring break. But what if Jason, who definitely was more uninhibited than him, decided to do so in front of their friends? Or ... their parents?

"I'm not ready for that," Tommy murmured into the silent room. "Sorry, Bro." He sighed. Things would definitely be easier all around if Jason was a girl. Or if I was. However, they weren't, and thus would have to deal with this issue.

"We need to talk, Bro," Tommy yawned, suddenly tired, and scrunched up his pillow into a more comfortable shape. "Next time we meet. Maybe even when we talk on the phone." He closed his eyes. Or they could email, use a chat program ... he was still trying to think of a way to bring up the subject as naturally and as soon as possible when he fell asleep.

---

The next few days went by in a haze of classes, parent-teacher conferences and a minor brouhaha about a student who nearly got himself arrested for mixing up a batch of TATP - a natural explosive more volatile than nitroglycerine. Luckily, nobody got hurt, but as the idiot kid had been applying knowledge he'd learned in Tommy's science class, Tommy had had a hard time convincing himself it hadn't been his fault. Dealing with his sense of responsibility and guilt on top of everything else kept Tommy too busy for anything but the routine tasks of life. In the scant hours of free time he had, he was unsure whether that was a good thing or not, but consoled himself with the notion that he'd have the weekend to think about his relationship with Jason. However, he got a rather frantic phone call from the lab at Mercer Industries that led to him working all Saturday and most of Sunday as well. And when Anton issued an invitation to stay for dinner, the prospect of a well-cooked meal, with adult company, was too tempting to refuse. Tommy promised himself he'd tackle the problem the following weekend, but on Thursday night found himself diverted yet again ... this time by the source of his problem.

He was grading tests when the phone rang. Yanked abruptly out of his concentration, his voice held more than a hint of irritation when he picked up the receiver.

"Dr. Oliver."

"Hey, Bro."

Only one person had ever used those particular words, with such warmth, to him. With a spontaneous smile, Tommy dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair.

"Jase. What's up?"

"Since you're not here, nothing, unfortunately," Jason teased, and Tommy had to laugh even as the seductive tone sent a shiver all the way into his groin. He stifled a moan.

"Says the sex maniac," he replied dryly, surprised at his own reaction. Only in the very early stages of his relationship with Kimberly had just hearing a person's voice on the phone caused him to feel butterflies dancing this madly in his stomach.

"I didn't hear you complaining up in the mountains."

"Well ..." Tommy drawled, mentally chasing the colorful creatures churning his innards into a container where they would hopefully settle down. "Would it have done any good?"

"Of course it would," Jason said, suddenly serious. "You know I'd never do anything you're not okay with ... don't you?"

That was precisely what Tommy needed to talk about with Jason, but a rueful glance at the stack of tests cluttering his desk and the lateness of the hour told him this wasn't the time. Besides, he really preferred to discuss something as important as this in person.

"I do; stop worrying. I was just kinda messing with you."

"Tommy ... this - shit, you, our relationship is too important for me to joke about," Jason continued, still very serious ... and sounding slightly hurt. Tommy hurried to reassure him.

"Same here, Bro. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

"Okay," came the reply after a second of silence. "I'm sorry, too; I shouldn't tease about this."

"Hey, it's cool, okay? We're cool."

"Whew."

Tommy had to chuckle at the exaggerated sigh of relief he heard. But he had work to do, so regretfully he changed the subject. "Why did you call?" he asked. "Not that I don't like hearing from you, but unfortunately duty calls ..."

"Don't tell me - papers to grade?" Being a teacher himself, Jason knew the downsides of their profession only too well.

"Yeah," Tommy said, grimacing. "Among other things. And I can't help but wish that kids nowadays knew at least how to express themselves properly. I'm no English teacher, so my tests rarely give the kids much of a chance to mutilate the language, but Miss Applebee would've killed us for sure if we'd turned in work like that. What some of my students are doing to science ... let's just say that the periodic table and the theory of evolution will never be the same."

"I don't think I wanna know."

"You don't, trust me." Tommy eyed the pile of papers before him disgustedly. "But speaking of tests ... I really have to get back to them."

Jason sighed with rueful understanding. "I finished my latest batch yesterday. Not fun. But to answer your question, I called to ask whether you'd be free to come over here Saturday."

"Day after tomorrow? I think so, why?"

"Adam contacted me earlier; seems Rocky is coming home unexpectedly, and since Adam has business in Los Angeles and Billy and Trini are still around, we were thinking about having a get-together this weekend," Jason explained. "I know it's rather short notice, but it's a chance to meet up with at least half of the gang - think you can make it?"

Tommy was already doing some rapid mental calculations. "I'd need to put in an all-nighter tomorrow to complete a project for Mercer, and I'd have to cancel a meeting with Conner on Sunday, but I'm sure he'll understand. After all, he drops everything as well if there's a chance he can get together with Ethan, Trent and Kira. But, yeah."

"Then you'll come?"

Suddenly, life had turned colorful and exciting again. "Barring accidents or alien invasions, sure. Where and when?"

"Don't jinx it, Bro," Jason laughed. "You know how often we were interrupted by Rita, Zedd and Mondo."

"Uh, yeah," Tommy grimaced. "Sorry."

"Hmph. Anyway, we were thinking about having a picnic or something in the park - just like old times. Saturday afternoon, around three."

"Sounds good. That way, I can still get some sleep and have plenty of time for the drive."

"Great. You gonna stay overnight with your folks, or what?"

"I don't know; ever since Mom started collecting antiques, there's no telling whether they'll be home or not. I might have to check into a hotel."

"Don't be an idiot. You can stay with me at my place."

The prospect was incredibly appealing. To spend quiet time with Jason, to hold him and be held, maybe have a repeat performance of the incredible sex they'd shared sounded too good to be true, and Tommy was tempted to agree on the spot. Yet at the same time, he also found himself strangely reluctant. Somehow, having a tryst with Jason at some ... well, neutral place like his uncle's cabin was okay, but in Jason's or his home? That was a completely different kettle of fish. He couldn't say why he balked at the idea, but Tommy found he just couldn't bring himself to consent to sleeping at Jason's apartment - even if that was all they did.

Tommy didn't have the words to explain that to Jason, especially not over the phone. He was tempted to make a crack about the state of the futon Jason used as a spare bed in his apartment, but in light of their recent activities it would probably come across all wrong, and Tommy wanted no misunderstandings between them. So ...

"We'll see. I'll check with my folks first; they'll never forgive me if I come to Angel Grove and am not staying with them if they're home." Which was even the truth, as far as it went. "I'll let you know, okay?"

"Sure. See you in two days, then." Jason's easy acceptance of his procrastination twinged Tommy's conscience. He hated being evasive, but needed time to think this through, to determine how to handle the situation in the future ... as well as sit down with Jason and /talk/. At length, in depth, about everything. If nothing else, they could surely find a few quiet minutes alone this weekend to try and find a date to have that discussion sometime soon, couldn't they?

Very soon.

"Right. I'll meet you in the park - the picnic area next to the playground, as usual?"

"Uh huh. Just like old times," Jason laughed. "It's gonna be great meeting at least some of the guys again; we really ought to set up a kind of schedule for reunions."

"Yeah. And sounds like a plan."

"Okay. I'll leave you to your tests then - don't be too hard on the kids."

Tommy snorted. "Only as hard as they deserve."

"If you say so. Bye, Tom. Take care on the drive, willya? You're not racing anymore," Jason needled good-naturedly. Before Tommy could comment, he continued, far more softly and intimately. "I miss you, Bro."

His throat suddenly tight, Tommy had to swallow. "Miss you too." Missed the easy camaraderie they had always shared, the understanding, acceptance and support Jason had always given him ... and he also missed everything else they'd done so recently. To feel his hands on me again ... his lips and tongue ... his cock in my mouth ... to be able to make him as crazy with wanting as he does me ... aw, man!

His musings were interrupted by the deep voice whispering in his ear through the receiver.

"Love ya. Night."

A soft click told him that Jason had cut the connection. With a smile and feeling warmed all over, Tommy placed the phone back into the charger. "Love ya too, Jase," he murmured, his eyes straying briefly towards the window and the road outside - the one eventually leading to the highway towards Angel Grove. Then, he ruefully shook his head and reached for his pen. He might want to daydream about his lover, but not now. Now, he had tests to grade.

---

On the way to Angel Grove, all of Tommy's apprehensions about meeting Jason again for the first time since they'd become lovers returned with a vengeance.

What if we give ourselves away by accident? I'm not ready for that!

Some part of him knew it was an unfounded fear, but try as he might it wouldn't go away. He had no chance to solve his dilemma, though, as he drove through the familiar streets to the place where he and his friends had spent much of their time together - where so many momentous things had happened in not only his, but in all of their lives. Sooner than he'd thought, he reached Angel Grove Park.

It really feels like old times, Tommy mused as he parked his car near the entrance. If he was not mistaken, this was even the very spot he'd always preferred. The only difference being, not everybody's going to be here, we're all no longer in high school, and we can be reasonably sure these days that there won't be a monster attack. Fingers crossed! He grabbed a bag of munchies from the back seat and walked slowly towards the picnic area; when he was still several yards away he could already make out Rocky's laughter and the deep, amused tones of Jason's voice.

As he crossed the remaining distance, Tommy acknowledged ruefully that he had no idea whether his suddenly accelerated heart rate was due to excitement at seeing some of his friends again as a group, whether it was the prospect of meeting Jason again, or because of apprehension over what Jason might do or say to him in public.

Probably a little of everything ...damn, I wish I'd had a chance to talk to him before today after all! He wondered if he should try to take Jason aside for a cautionary word, but it was too late; Trini spotted him just as he cleared the corner. A brilliant smile lit up her delicate features, and she jumped up to meet him.

"Tommy! How good to see you again!"

He caught her in a friendly hug and kissed Trini's cheek. "Ditto. It's been way too long." He gave her a thorough once-over. "Marriage sure agrees with you, girl - you're looking great!" He nodded at her beaming husband. "You, too, Bill. Care to share your secret with the rest of us single stiffs?"

The green-eyed scientist grinned. "I would postulate a mixture of marital bliss, domestic contentment and general fortitude to be responsible for our mutual state of apparent well-being."

Rocky's features drew into a frown of incomprehension. "Say what?"

Trini laughed, disengaged herself from Tommy's hug and shook her head indulgently at her trying-to-look-innocent spouse.

"Short version, I guess we're just lucky." Her almond eyes twinkled merrily.

Rocky snorted. "Guess you're right. But why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"I believe I just did," Billy said with a perfectly straight face, then cracked up as Jason good-naturedly rolled his eyes and Adam sighed long-sufferingly. "To use the vernacular, 'gotcha'!"

"Don't get used to it, buddy. I'd say between Tommy's scientific training and Adam's writing experience, your days of confusing us with Billyspeak may well be over. And the rest of us aren't too far behind, right, guys?" Jason winked at Tommy and ambled over.

Rocky was laughing as well. "Yeah. Mind, I may take a few seconds to translate from Billy to plain English, but that doesn't mean you're as incomprehensible to me as you used to be in the beginning." His grin widened as Billy's face fell. "Do I get to say 'gotcha back' now?"

Tommy was distracted from the comment Adam made to that when Jason reached him and touched his shoulder. "Glad you're here, Bro," Jason murmured warmly.

Was it his imagination, or did the large hand linger longer than usual? Tommy couldn't say, but he found himself tense involuntarily. "Uh huh," he managed to reply through suddenly stiff lips. "Ditto." It was all he could do not to shrug off the friendly touch.

Jason gave him a slightly surprised look, but to Tommy's relief let his hand fall back to his side. "Good. Now, shall we get this party started?"

"Yeah," Rocky said enthusiastically. "The barbecue's ready to go, the burgers are waiting and I really want another taste of that pasta salad Trini brought." He met the assorted snickers with wide eyes. "What? I'm starving!"

"So what else is new?" Tommy quipped, covering his unease with humor.

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Rocky tried to look offended, but couldn't sustain his air of injured innocence in the face of his friends' amusement.

"I'm so glad to see that some things never change," Adam said quietly, giving his childhood friend a fond smile. "Your appetite, Billy's hyperextended vocabulary, Jase and Tommy's friendship ..."

Midnight eyes met Tommy's with a look that spoke volumes, and Tommy knew in that very instant that Jason was thinking the same thing he was. If only you knew!

"Well, we're all older now," was all he said though, striving for a lightness he didn't truly feel.

"And hopefully a little wiser," Jason added quietly. "More experienced, more in tune with people and the world ... more ready to live our lives the way we dreamed of." He sent a small smile Tommy's way, inviting him to share the sentiment.

Tommy nearly flinched. For the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to return either Jason's smile or acknowledge his words. Instead, he looked away, unable to not apply Jason's harmless-enough statement to their altered relationship, and wondered for a few frantic seconds whether their friends were reading a double meaning into the remark as well. Of course, they only would if they were aware of the change that had occurred, and surely Jason hadn't told them - or had he? Nah. He wouldn't - not without talking it over with me first. In any case, if we ever tell anyone, our folks should be the first to know.

Luckily, Rocky diffused his anxiety as he laughed. "Hey, speak for yourself! Growing older may be inevitable, but growing up sure isn't - and I for one refuse to ever grow up past the point where I can't enjoy hanging with my best friends and good food!"

"Are you sure you got that in the right order, Rocky?" Jason jibed amidst laughter from all.

Rocky pouted. "Of course! Friends are forever; food can go bad and spoil."

"Speaking of which, I think we can put the burgers onto the grill now before they do," Adam remarked with a sly smile, cutting off the imminent verbal sparring match. "C'mon, Rocko, help me."

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Eagerly, Rocky grabbed a package of meat patties and all but dragged Adam to the glowing coals.

The other four settled around the picnic table to spread out the rest of their simple feast and got caught up with their lives. The big news was of course Rocky's disclosure that after he'd closed his dojo he now was working as a counselor/instructor to troubled kids at the Boys Town community in Nebraska - a job that all agreed was perfectly suited to his talents. The succulent burgers were eaten amid lots of laughter, reminiscences and general catching up. Everybody was having a great time ... except Tommy; what should have been a reunion filled with fun and laughter was rapidly turning into a nightmare of torturous apprehension and nerves for him.

Every look Jason gave him, every gesture he made seemed to shout 'look at us, we're no longer just friends, but lovers now!'. Even worse was when Jason tried to touch him. It was completely irrational, he knew, and yet ...

Tommy tried his best to act as if nothing had happened, that everything was as it used to be - but at the same time attempted to stay as far away from Jason as possible, tried to avoid speaking to him, even - thereby only increasing his fear that their friends would notice that something had changed. Which was the very last thing he wanted. On some level Tommy realized that he was the one behaving differently, not Jason, yet he couldn't seem to help himself. Deep down, he knew that anything Jason did or said to him was perfectly ordinary. Jason certainly wasn't making the innuendoes his imagination insisted on hearing, and every casual touch he offered was the same as always. He was just being his best friend.

What happens if he crosses the line, though? What if I make a mistake and betray what's between us now?

He didn't know. And somehow, the not knowing made everything worse. His only hope was that nobody would pick up on the fact how on edge he felt in the company of the people with whom he should be most at ease.

---

Nobody did - except Jason, that is. At first, he'd thought he was imagining things, that Tommy was avoiding him. But when he'd tried a couple of times to take a seat next to Tommy and he had always managed to either find something to do that necessitated getting up at that very moment, deliberately turned away from him to speak to someone else or lastly even scooted over to embroil Billy into a scientific discussion that left everybody else pretty clueless, it became more and more obvious that he wasn't seeing things that weren't there. It was enough to drive Jason up the nearest tree with frustration ... and it also worried him.

What's going on here? Is something wrong? Is he okay? Or ... is he having second thoughts about us?

The unbidden, most unwelcome thought made his mouth go dry with sudden fear. He couldn't lose Tommy - not after what they'd shared so recently! Telling himself not to borrow trouble where none likely existed, Jason began to seriously consider whether he shouldn't just drag Tommy aside and demand to know what was the matter when he was distracted by Trini.

She touched Jason's arm to catch his attention. "Do you feel as shunted aside as I do?" she asked with a smile.

"Huh?" This was way too close to how he felt; had Trini noticed that Tommy seemed to be avoiding him, that there was some kind of inexplicable strain? Jason experienced a slight jolt of alarm; he wasn't ready to share the change in their relationship with anyone yet, and Trini had always been exceptionally perceptive. He breathed a silent sigh of relief when her next words revealed she was still blissfully unaware of how things really stood between him and Tommy.

The slender Asian winked. "Well, look at those two!" She indicated Billy and Tommy. "Lost in fossils, the Mesozoic and mechanics. I can still remember when most of Tommy's knowledge about dinosaurs and operating, much less building/, sophisticated machinery came from either watching /Jurassic Park or from dealing with our zords, and Billy had no-one to talk the science of everything with but me." She sighed comically. "I guess if I didn't like Tommy so much as a friend and weren't just happy for Billy, I just might feel a teensy bit jealous," she said lightly.

Jason summoned a grin for her sake. "Hmm, yeah, I see what you mean. If I didn't know both of 'em better as well, I might be afraid Tommy's found a new best friend." As soon as he said it, Jason felt another jolt of fear. What if Tommy was looking for someone else to be friends with now? What if becoming lovers had changed the dynamics of their friendship to a point where they'd exchanged one aspect for another ... which might not prove as stable and enduring? He couldn't have lost Tommy as a friend, he just couldn't/! Jason mentally shook himself. Tommy wasn't the type of guy to drop someone just because something or someone new came along - and Jason himself would do everything in his power to see to it that they /didn't lose anything. He renewed his resolve to think of their new status as an enhancement of their friendship, not a detriment.

But what if the fact that he's gone out of his way to stay as far away from me as possible all afternoon has not been a coincidence? What if he regrets spring break?

Telling himself he was being ridiculous, Jason adroitly changed the subject with a small joke and engaged Trini in a discussion of what their plans were for the summer - moving across the country to MIT was going to be a major project, and he offered unhesitatingly to help if necessary. Trini gratefully accepted. "We can always use a friend's help. Thanks, Jason."

"Hey, anytime for you guys."

Too soon for everybody's liking, clean-up time came and the six former Rangers reluctantly packed up their things. As they were loading leftovers into their respective cars, Jason finally managed a minute alone with Tommy, behind the raised hood of his car's trunk.

"So, are you staying with me?" he asked hopefully. Maybe they could get to the root of whatever was eating Tommy over a quiet dinner at his apartment. "Mom met your folks at the market yesterday; they'll be out of town for an antiques fair, so they won't be home this weekend," he added as he stowed a bag of trash and a cooler Tommy handed to him into separate corners. "Unless you need to house-sit?"

Damn. I'd hoped he didn't know. Suddenly panicking, fighting the urge to look around if none of the others had overheard, Tommy just shook his head. "Sorry, can't."

"Why not?" Jason asked reasonably. "We could crash my parents' house for breakfast, if you like; maybe I can even talk mom into making her blueberry pancakes. I know you love them, and it's been ages since I had some," he added as an extra enticement.

Sharing breakfast with Jason and the Scotts, at their house, most likely after a night of torrid sex? No way. What if his mother noticed something different about them, or his father made a crack about their spending the night together that would be hitting way too close to home? Tommy couldn't face the possibility and turned away.

"No."

Startled by the curt refusal, Jason stopped in his tracks and stared at Tommy, who resolutely kept his back towards him. "Why not?" Jason repeated, trying not to feel hurt. "It's been two weeks since we saw each other on spring break; I thought that since you're already here we could ... spend some more time together." The almost imperceptible pause in Jason's words spoke volumes to Tommy, as he could clearly read 'we could make love again' in the innocent yet hopeful statement.

"I just can't, okay?" he snapped, more sharply than he'd intended, and stepped away from Jason's vehicle to walk over to Trini and Billy.

Jason stayed rooted to the spot, following the retreating back with a pained look in his eyes. So I was right; something is seriously wrong. And the only thing that makes sense is ... he's having second thoughts. The realization hurt. More than I ever imagined it would. Jason shuddered once, then deliberately shut down all emotions and closed the lid of the trunk. He mechanically said his farewells to Adam and Rocky soon after, forcing a smile he didn't feel when Trini came over to hug him goodbye.

"We'll be leaving for Massachusetts in a week or so; if you really won't mind helping load furniture into the U-Haul ..."

"I wouldn't have offered if I did," Jason reassured his friend, trying not to look at Tommy who stood next to Billy, playing with his car keys as if he couldn't wait to leave Angel Grove Park. And me. "Just give me a call, and I'll be there."

"In that case, I will," Trini smiled. "Thanks, Jase, you're the best."

"So are you." He fleetingly touched her sleek hair. "Did I ever tell you how happy I am for you and Bill?"

Trini beamed at Jason. "Yes, but it's nice to hear again," she teased. "I'm just waiting for the day when I can say the same to you and your wife!"

You're gonna have a long wait. Jason's eyes involuntarily flew once more to Tommy who was close enough to have overheard Trini's innocent remark. When he just glanced aside, his expression filled with something indefinable that seemed suspiciously like guilt or shame, Jason felt himself blanch. He barely managed to swallow a bitter laugh and gave Trini a non-committal reply that he could never remember afterwards. It seemed to satisfy her, though, because with a wave she scurried over to where Billy was patiently waiting for her. Then the two drove off, leaving Jason and Tommy alone in the parking lot.

Jason took a couple of steps towards his friend, but stopped when Tommy's posture stiffened in refusal.

"Tommy? What's wrong?" Jason asked, hoping against hope that his worst fears weren't true, that something else was on Tommy's mind ... wishing he could just close the distance between them. They were standing less than two meters apart, but it might as well have been miles - or so it felt.

"Nothing."

It was a patent lie, and Jason knew it. "Don't give me that," he pleaded. "I can see that you're upset about something, and I'd like to help if I can, but I don't know how, or with what unless you tell me. Please?"

Tommy could read the hurt and confusion in Jason's eyes, wanted to do or say something, anything to make it go away, but to his secret horror the words coming out of his mouth without thought only made things infinitely worse.

"There's nothing wrong with me, period. And I wish you'd leave me alone!"

Jason flinched as if he'd been slapped. The remaining color slowly drained from his face until he was as pale as Tommy had ever seen him, only his eyes burning an aching hole into Tommy's soul.

"I see," he said slowly, his voice dead. "Okay. If that's what you want."

'No! I want to take it back! I want you!' the little voice in Tommy's mind cried, horrified at the terribly wrong turn things had taken somehow. But his mouth wouldn't open, his body wouldn't move. Tommy remained standing immobile by his car, staring stonily at his best friend as the silence between them grew to gigantic proportions.

At last, Jason shuddered once and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were completely devoid of life. Jason looked at Tommy as if he wanted to imprint the memory of him as deeply into his mind as he could, then an invisible shutter seemed to fall between them.

"Good-bye, Tommy."

Two words, spoken so quietly Tommy could barely hear them. And yet they sounded as loud as a funeral bell. Before he could react, Jason turned - slowly, woodenly, like an old man - and got into his car. The door snicked shut, the engine came to life, and with a muted crunch of gravel, Jason drove away, leaving Tommy standing lost and forlorn in the now-deserted parking lot.

---

What have I done?

The thought wouldn't leave Tommy's mind, through a lonely dinner at some nondescript restaurant and an even lonelier evening spent staring at the ceiling of an impersonal hotel room.

I've been a complete idiot.

More than likely, in a single afternoon he'd managed to do some serious harm to his relationship with Jason.

Do I even have a relationship with him anymore? Are we still lovers? Or even just friends?

He shuddered inwardly at the very real chance that by acting the way he did he might've lost Jason altogether. With the clarity of hindsight, he couldn't believe how he'd let his - totally unfounded, as it turned out - apprehensions possibly ruin what was one of the best things that ever happened to him in his life. As Tommy lay on his bed in his hotel room, trying to ignore the hollowness inside himself, he called himself every kind of fool.

I shouldn't have let my insecurities get the better of me like that. I should've just taken him aside at the beginning and asked him for ... what? Caution? Circumspection? Yeah - but did I really have to? Probably not, he conceded at last. It always was unnecessary, and I should've known. Most of all, I should never have blown Jase off like that. What Jason did ...it wasn't anything different from the way we always behaved with each other. We've always shared looks, smiles, even small touches, right from the start, when he held out his hand to me on that beach all those years ago and told me I was needed.

Sure, at the time they'd all thought the Rangers needed him as the Green Ranger, but as it turned out it applied on a personal level as well. Jason, Kimberly, Trini, Billy and Zack needed Tommy as their friend just like he'd needed them. Later, Aisha, Adam and Rocky were added into that circle, and finally Tanya and Katherine. They'd all become friends, in the best possible sense of the word. That friendship endured still, through separation, broken hearts and diverging life paths. For all of them. As for Jason and Tommy, though, that need had come to transcend everything.

We went from being best friends to being closer than brothers. And now, finally even beyond that as lovers. Nothing has ever felt so right as when Jase told me he loved me - and more so when we took that last step into intimacy. How could I have been so utterly stupid to think that Jase would ever do something to jeopardize what we've found?

Tommy groaned. He'd made a few mistakes in his life, but he was certain that none was as bad as doubting Jason, to believe for one moment that he'd betray his trust like he'd feared. What was worse, he'd compounded his mistake by hurting the man he loved. Badly.

God, the look in his eyes when I told him to leave me alone. It was as if I'd ripped out his heart and shredded it to pieces!

Which he may well have done, although he never meant to. In the wake of that realization, an even worse thought made Tommy go cold with dread all over.

What if ... what if Jase thinks I'm dumping him?

It didn't bear thinking about. Why was it so easy to see now how his attitude, his actions and words must've seemed to Jason when all he'd wanted was to be careful, to not reveal to the world just yet what had grown between them? If he'd just said a quiet word, or even just asked Jason to wait until they had privacy ... no, he did have to go and be a total asshole, for no reason at all.

---

"I've got to make things right again," Tommy murmured into the quiet room after what seemed like forever. "Only, how?"

The answer was simple. Go find Jason, tell him he was sorry and hope to the heavens that he could find it in him to forgive and forget.

Giving himself no time to dwell on the chance that it might not be quite as simple to actually do what he had to, or worse, that Jason wouldn't want to accept his apology, Tommy rolled off the bed, scrambled into his clothes and hurriedly left for his car.

First, he drove by Jason's apartment. But the windows were dark and Jason's car wasn't anywhere to be seen. He didn't even bother to stop and ring the door bell; if he knew Jason at all, there was only one place where he might've gone to lick his wounds. Without hesitation, he made an illegal U-turn and headed out of town, towards the beach.

Tommy breathed a sigh of relief as he spied the black-and-red 4X4 parked next to the road, at the dirt-path turnoff leading to the cove where they'd hidden Trey of Triforia all those years ago. He left his jeep next to Jason's car and headed on foot towards the dunes. As he negotiated the climb down to the beach, he reflected on how similar yet different they were - in times of trouble, both of them tended to seek solitude, but where Tommy would head for the mountains Jason would always find the space he needed at a spot where the sound of waves rolling towards shore could help soothe a mind in turmoil.

Soon, he reached the rock-strewn sand and turned his steps towards the cave where Trey had stayed. A weight dropped off his heart as he could make out a lonely figure sitting on a boulder right at the water's edge, silhouetted faintly against the vastness of the ocean. Even in the dark of night and from several meters away, Tommy could see that the broad shoulders were tense and hunched over, could read pain in every line of the powerful body he'd come to know so well. His heart lurched with sympathy and fear. Even from behind, Jason looked lonely and miserable, and Tommy felt worse by realizing that he was responsible. Could he repair the damage he'd inflicted?

God, I hope so!

Quietly, he came closer. The dark head lifted minutely as the sand crunched under his feet, but other than that Jason gave no sign that he was aware of Tommy's presence. Silently, Tommy chose a rock to sit on as well - close enough that they could talk, but distant enough that Jason wouldn't feel crowded or pressured. Although he wanted nothing more than to wrap Jason into his arms and beg his forgiveness, Tommy forced himself to hold back; to let Jason make the first move. Then, he waited.

It seemed like hours, but at long last Jason turned his head slightly and glanced at Tommy. The bleakness in his dark eyes was so profound that Tommy's breath caught and he could barely find his voice.

"I'm sorry." It sounded totally inadequate, and probably was, but it was the only thing he could think of. It had to be said ... and it was the simple truth.

Jason searched his eyes for long minutes, then nodded briefly and sighed. "Yeah, me too."

Tommy frowned. Why was Jason apologizing to /him/? He hadn't done anything wrong - the fault was all his! "What for?" he asked, his voice hushed and bewildered.

Jason turned away again, staring once more at the horizon. "For seeing only my needs last year and making you choose things you're not comfortable with. For taking advantage of a situation where you needed a friend and pressuring you into something you don't really want." He paused, then added so softly that his words were nearly drowned by the gentle lapping of the waves. "I'm sorry for thinking that my dream could come true."

Huh?

"What?" Tommy asked, thoroughly confused. This wasn't what he'd expected at all. "What the hell are you talking about?"

As if he hadn't heard the question, Jason continued, his deep voice rough with emotion. "I don't blame you for not wanting to change what you are just to humor me. I just wish you'd have reconsidered and stopped before spring break; that way, I'd never have hoped we had a chance. And I wish you'd have found another way of letting me know. But, okay," he shrugged, still not looking at Tommy. "I'll accept it. And maybe one day, we can even be friends again." He swallowed. "If you can ... I wouldn't want to lose that, too."

Tommy felt as if someone had dropped him into the Twilight Zone/. "Jase, you're not making any sense," he said. "You have nothing - /nothing to be sorry for; I'm the one who has to apologize to you. And you certainly haven't lost me!"

Jason gave him a pain-filled look.

"Haven't I? You've been practically cutting me all day, wouldn't look at me, speak to me, hell, you went out of your way to not even be near me. You even told me right out that I should leave you alone - that's not what friends do. What was I supposed to think? The only reason I could come up with for you acting like that is that you no longer want to be lovers; that you're feeling either guilty or ashamed for what we shared ..."

Horrified, Tommy sat up. "No! Jase, I'm not!"

"Aren't you?" Jason asked, his expression tinged with bitterness.

Trying to slow his racing heartbeat, Tommy shook his head. "No," he repeated, forcing calmness onto himself. Getting all worked up wouldn't help either of them. "As far as I'm concerned, we'll always be friends, no matter what - even if I totally fucked up today. There's nothing to feel guilty for. And I could never be ashamed of loving you - or making love with you."

Jason gasped softly, and a bit of color returned to his pale face. But he was still wary, still kept his distance as he sought to read Tommy's eyes. Tommy met that searching glance steadily, hoping Jason could see the truth.

At last, Jason blinked, some of the tension leaving his body. "But ... but why?" he wondered, puzzled. "Why did you act so weird then?"

Sighing, Tommy shook his head. "I wish I knew." Then, he smiled ruefully. "Wait, that's not true - I do know. It was me being an idiot and unthinking asshole," he murmured. "That's what I was apologizing for. Please stop thinking it was something you did. It wasn't; this whole mess is completely my fault."

Slowly, reluctantly Jason swung his legs around to face Tommy. "Tom, I want to believe you, but ... how can I when I don't understand?"

"If you'll listen, I'll try to explain," Tommy replied. "Only, I've got to warn you - it's kinda complicated, and I don't understand everything myself, so ... bear with me, please?"

"Of course. Just talk to me," Jason requested, hope rising cautiously within him.

Tommy drew a shuddering breath. "That's exactly what I wanted to do before we met again after spring break," he sighed. "But today was such short notice, I never had the chance. I really should've taken the time, but ... anyway, here goes."

Haltingly, pausing often to order his thoughts and find the right words, Tommy related the jumble of emotions he'd gone through. He held nothing back, telling Jason exactly about his apprehensions and fears and how his misguided imagination had exaggerated and distorted every word, look and gesture. By the time Tommy finally wound down, he was squirming with embarrassment and hung his head. "I let things spiral totally out of control, and I shouldn't have. If I'd just stopped to really think for a minute ... but I didn't, so I guess I have something to feel guilty about after all," he murmured. "I never wanted to hurt you, and I know I did."

"I don't get it," Jason said slowly after he'd listened to Tommy's explanation. It made sense, in a convoluted kind of way, he supposed, but ... "Why would you think that our friends would find it odd if I touched you? We've always touched, even as teenagers; it's what made our friendship so special. What has changed?"

" Nothing, really. I guess ... I kind of was afraid we'd changed," Tommy said weakly.

"Have we really? Sure, we're lovers now, but I never wanted us to stop being best friends. I thought that's what you wanted, too," Jason wondered. "It's a change, yes, but I'd like to believe it's a good one. Don't you?"

"It is. I know. Told you I was being an idiot," Tommy sighed.

"Yes. And I would never tell anyone about us without clearing it with you first," Jason continued.

"I know that, too."

"So where does that leave us?"

"Wherever you want it," Tommy stated firmly. "I know I really messed up, and I take full blame. I just hope you can forgive me in time."

For the first time since the afternoon, Jason found a small, genuine smile. "Do I have a choice?" he asked, his voice warm again.

Seeing that tiny smile, hearing the soft tone, Tommy felt a surge of hope that just maybe he hadn't thrown everything away forever. He gazed earnestly at Jason. "Oh yeah. Whichever way you choose to take our relationship, I swear I'll abide by any decision you want to make."

Jason fixed him with a serious glance. "What if I decide I want us to come out tomorrow - to everybody?"

Tommy swallowed, then nodded. It wasn't what he wanted at this time in his life, he still was trying to adjust to loving another man, but if that was the price he'd have to pay to make amends, he'd do it and face the consequences head-on. Having Jason back in his arms - and back in my bed! - would be more than worth it. "I'd prefer if we could wait some time, but if that's what you want ... okay."

"Any reason why we should wait?" Jason asked neutrally. Tommy took a moment to reflect carefully before he replied as honestly as he could.

"Well ... I guess I'd like to get used to this whole 'being in love with another guy' thing some more before we tell anyone," he said slowly. "After all, it's pretty new to me. You've known you're bi since when - '95, '96? That's almost ten years; long enough to feel comfortable about it. Whereas I've been happily straight until last year - never gave it serious thought, anyway, that I could be bi too."

"Do you regret finding that out about yourself?"

"No," Tommy replied without hesitation. "To be honest, I wouldn't have missed not knowing, but it felt so incredibly right when you told me you loved me, realizing I loved you too, that accepting it was real easy ... because you made it so." He smiled reminiscently. "If I hadn't been able to accept it, I would never have known how great making love with you is. And that is something I would miss. A lot."

Jason considered his answer, then nodded once. "Fair enough."

They sat silently side by side for several minutes, each lost in his own thoughts. They had cleared the air between them, and hopefully would be able to go on from here together. If Jason decided to accept Tommy's apology, that is. At last, Tommy couldn't stand the suspense any longer.

"So ... think you can forgive me?"

That tiny, cautious smile widened and crept back into the dark eyes. "Guess I'll have to."

Tommy slumped and closed his eyes with relief. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." There was a rustle of movement, and Tommy looked up again. Jason had scooted towards the edge of his boulder, and was indicating the space at his side with a jerk of his head. Quickly, Tommy left his own rock and joined his friend. It was a tight fit, and instinctively he draped an arm around Jason's shoulders to gain a more secure hold. Both froze for a second, then Jason chuckled softly, slipped his own arm around Tommy's waist and rested his head against his neck.

"Next time you have a problem or jitters or whatever, don't stew on 'em," he said. "Talk to me. Okay?"

Tommy nodded. "I will."

They sat in their loose embrace for several moments, soaking up the peace of pre-dawn surrounding them until Jason spoke.

"About coming out ..."

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm not ready to tell anyone yet, either."

"Thanks." They shared a fond glance, finally in tune with each other again. Then, a faraway look passed over Jason's expression.

"Although ... a part of me wants to shout from the highest rooftop I can find that I love you," he whispered. "And that you love me. Is that so wrong?"

"It's not wrong at all," Tommy reassured him. "That's kind of how I feel sometimes, too - when I'm not being a paranoid asshole." He smiled. "And if we're meant to last, someday we'll do it. Together."

Jason smiled back. "Right. And in the meantime, we'll keep it our secret."

"I'd like that. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

They kissed then, lips and tongues meeting in a soft, warm and sensual dance. Inevitably, as their kiss deepened and passion rose languorously, their hands didn't stay idle, either, rediscovering contours of muscular chests, sensitive nipples and hardening flesh. When they finally stopped for air, Jason moaned softly and Tommy sighed.

"I wish I could stay another day. I could kick myself for wasting the opportunity, but I have to go back tonight," he muttered.

"There'll be other times," Jason consoled him, letting his own regret show. "How about I come to Reefside in a couple of weeks or so?"

Tommy smiled. "I'd like that. And after that, I'll come here again ..."

"Alternating visits? Sounds like a plan."

"Cool. We can set up a schedule online next week."

"Right. Meanwhile, though ..." Jason began to nibble down Tommy's neck, from behind his ear towards his mouth, slipping a hand underneath his shirt to touch warm skin.

"What?" Tommy willingly followed his friend and lover's lead, teasing the smiling lips open with tiny licks. He let his fingers wander from the broad back to Jason's belt buckle.

"There's still enough of the night left, wouldn't you say?" Jason gently pinched a hardening nipple, making Tommy shiver with pleasure.

"Mmm. Definitely." As if he'd done it a hundred times already, Tommy easily slid his fingers into Jason's underwear to encircle hot flesh. Jason gasped and bucked against him.

"Then let's not waste any more time."

They didn't.



To Be Continued ...
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