FicWad

Joe took a big sigh as he looked at the bag Steven had given to him. He sat on the tub and felt his stomach knot up as he began to remove the items and change.

"C'mon man," Steven called out. "What's taking you so long? It's not like you're wearing that all night."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He grumbled as he felt the elastic dig into his thighs; he tried to reposition it, but hell, it didn't matter. He sighed again as he put on the shoes. He really wasn't sure about that. "Oh great. I can fall and break my fuckin' ankle. God damned heels." He mumbled.

He heard Steven's impatient knock. "Do you need help?"

"No, I'm almost done." He stood, and grabbed the last thing out of the bag: lipstick. "What the hell color is this? Whore Red?"

He didn't get any response; he smeared it on his lips and looked briefly in the mirror. He took one last big breath as his hand was on the doorknob.

"C'mon! Christ you're worse-" Steven stopped in mid sentence as he saw him. A big grin went over his face. "Oh yeah."

"So I'm your bitch tonight."

"You ain't my bitch, you're my Joe-Joe." He frowned a bit at the robe. "Can you you know, get rid of the cover?"

He did and looked down. "I feel stupid."

"You look mmm-mmm good!" Steven looked him up from head to toe. "Fuck I love it." He walked closer, "The corset, lipstick, g-string, and those pumps." He stared at him. "You got great legs. You were born to wear stockings."

"Thanks." Joe said in an unconvincing voice. "Christ my feet are killing me!"

"I love it." Steven wrapped his arms around him. "It's really turning me on."

"Yeah?"

"Oh God yeah." He grabbed his hand and walked him to the bed.

Joe glanced at the dresser-his bag was still there. "Honestly, I'm not sure about all this-"

"Why not? You wanted 'different'."

"All I said was I wanted to be 'receiving'." He stopped, choosing his words so he didn't make him angry, "I don't know about all of this shit."

"Well you're damn hot, and besides we've done it that was before."

"Yeah, but I'd like to remember it-"

Steven leaned over and kissed him hard as his hands deftly unfastened the corset and tossed it onto the floor.

"Can I take off the shoes?" He asked.

"Leave them on." He ordered.

"OK."

He ran his hand over Joe's thigh. He pulled at the elastic and let it snap back onto his skin. He winced in pain as his fingers began to unbutton Steven's shirt.

"I'll do it." He stopped him, "I'm doing everything." He leveled his stare at Joe as he unbuttoned and removed his shirt. He kissed him again, shoving his tongue into his mouth. He suddenly broke away. "I almost forgot." He reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a black ring box and handed it to him. "Happy birthday, Joe-Joe."

"Birthday? My birthday months away-"

"Yeah, but we probably won't be together."

Joe opened the case, revealing a ring-two gold band united as one. "Wow," he said as he took it out, "It's beautiful."

"Actually, I was gonna wait for September, but I just couldn't. I had it made for you-I hope it fits."

Joe put it on his little finger. "Yeah fits perfect. I love it," He kissed him, "Thanks."

"I just figure every time I see you wearing it, I'll know you love me."

"I'll never take it off." Joe smiled at him, but he saw some sadness in his face. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "I guess I'm just feeling a little insecure."

"Why?"

"Cause of the way you were talking to that guy tonight."

"You mean Bill?" Joe asked. He remembered the young guitar player that had him cornered, picking his brain. "Why are you worried about him?"

"I saw the way you were looking at him, and I just-" He shrugged again, "Got jealous, I guess."

"I didn't realize I was looking at him." Joe felt himself frown. "Fuck he doesn't have anything on you!"

"He's young." Steven turned away. "I'll never have that again."

He put his arms around him, "I love you just the way you are."

"You ever think about getting someone younger?"

"No. Besides we're about the same age-"

"But I'm older than you."

Joe kissed his shoulder. "You're the only man I've ever been intimate with."

"Yeah right-bet you say that to all the boys."

"Come on, don't get pissy with your Joe-Joe. I've told you that before-that you're the only one." His tone was on the verge of scolding as he looked into those brown eyes, "And I didn't lie then and I'm not lying now. You're the only guy that has ever turned me on, baby."

He smiled back at him, "Thanks."

Joe leaned into a long deep kiss. He felt Steven's fingers untying his string; he moved enough so he would have an easier time of getting it off completely. "You, uh," He swallowed hard, "You want me face down ass up? Or grab my ankles-"

"Nah, I know you like to be on your back." Steven pushed him, "Just trust me."

Joe felt himself frown as he watched him completely undress. Steven moved closer and began to rub his chest as he continued. "I just want you to relax, and let me do all the work. But if you don't wanna go on, tell me."

"Yeah."

"I mean it. You don't feel comfortable-you let me know." He knelt beside him gently kissing his neck and face.

"OK baby." He swallowed hard.

Steven made his way down him, gently kissing, licking and caressing. He gave his balls a lick, making him squirm. He closed his eyes, reveling in absolute bliss; then he felt Steven take his legs and position them open, bending his knees.

Joe now understood about the heels; it made things easier. He watched as Steven rubbed his inner thigh, slowly going back and forth over the netting. He suddenly gave him a hard smack across his hip and butt. He gasped and he got another slap.

Steven lubed up his fingers. "How you doing?"

"Great baby." He answered breathlessly.

"You want a pillow to support your back?"

Joe shook his head. He gasped as he felt Steven's long fingers entering. His hips buckled as he hit his prostrate. He couldn't help but to let out a cry as the sensation hit him again. "Maybe I should have-"

"You gotta relax." Steven said as he position the pillow, "Don't get too excited."

"I can't help it. Baby I want you so bad."

"We got time." He lubed his fingers again. Joe watched him for a while, expertly taking his fingers pumping them. He took a deep breath; he did feel relaxed. He reach for his own but cock, but it was brushed away. He let out a moan as Steven's firm grasp moved up and down; slowly at first-then he moved faster over his shaft.

"Remember what I said," Steven got up on his knees, "Let me know if something's wrong."

"OK." Was all he could manage.

Joe felt Steven's hard cock go in a little bit more each time, he was trying very hard not to clench up. He felt his thighs begin to burn from being in this position-he felt his calves beginning to cramp up. Hell it didn't matter. He looked at the ceiling as he heard the condom being unwrapped. He felt the cold lube run down his back. He looked at Steven just in time as he plunged into him and pull him hard.

Joe's orgasm hit-he saw himself spray over Steven's chest. He felt himself involuntarily crying out and then screaming. He dug his head into the pillow as Steven rocked harder and harder into him.

"Christ," He was trying to catch his breath. He sat up and reached for his pack of cigarettes.

"So you get it now?"

"Yeah. That was incredible, baby."

Steven crawled to him, and took the cigarette from his lips and took a drag. "I'm not losing my favorite position am I?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind this every once in a while-like every other day."

Steven gave him an easy smile. "We'll discuss that later."

Joe removed the shoes and stockings, "Oh man, I don't know how women wear these things."

"Too tight, huh. Sorry bout the shoes; those are mine."

"Didn't know your feet were this small."

"I like tight. I'm gonna clean up." And with that, he got up and went into the bathroom.

He realized that this was the moment. He got up and quickly shut the camera off. He slid back into bed right before Steven walked back and reassumed his place.

Joe looked at him. "Can I do something?"

"What?"

"Can I do your toenails? You know paint them?"

Steven gave a shrug and reached for his bag. "What color?"

"Whatever baby."

Steven handed him a bottle of metallic black. Joe got beside his feet and propped his foot into his lap. He watched him carefully brush the color on the nail and blow it dry. "So what made you want to become a pedicurist?"

Joe gave a shrug. "I don't know. Sometimes Billie lets me do hers."

"You're pretty damn good at this." Steven swallowed hard. He tried not to curl his toes under that warm sensual breath. "Keep this up and you'll be staying here all night."

"Nothin wrong with that."

He was done with his work and returned to the head of the bed.

"Thanks," Steven looked over his toes, "I was gonna do that for the photo shoot."

"Baby," He took his hand into his, "It really meant a lot to me; they way you really cared about how I felt."

"I did it cause I love you-you'd do the same for me right?"

"You know it." He nuzzled into his neck.
______________________________

The tour was done-everything was somewhat normal again. They were all back home getting back into their routines.

Steven heard the phone ring and yelled that he had it. "Hello?"

"Hi," Billie said, "Can you come over please."

"Sure," He frowned a bit. "Is something wrong?"

"No, Joe just wanted you over here; can you come alone?"

That was even weirder. "Sure, I'll be right over."

He walked out and drove fifteen minutes to Joe's place. He really didn't understand what was up, but what the hell. There wasn't anything too pressing on his to do list today.

He pulled in-he saw Joe frown as he got out. "So what's so important, Mr. Perry?"

"Huh?"

"Billie called and said you wanted to see me."

Before Joe could answer she appeared. "Hi, you guys wanna come in here."

It was an order. Steven followed Joe into the house, and they in turned followed Billie into the living room.

Steven started to sit down in a chair, but Billie stopped him. "Can both of you sit on the couch?" He gave a half shrug and did what he was told. He looked at Joe who was just as perplexed as he was.

Billie turned down the lights turned the TV and VCR on. It was a tape of Steven pacing back and forth and him yelling at someone to hurry up. He heard Joe let out an exasperated "Oh God no."

Then Steven saw he and Joe; Joe dressed in that little sexy costume he'd bought for him. He felt his mouth go dry.

Joe stood in anger. "What were you doing in my desk?"

"I didn't believe that you were true to me, so I went through to see if I could find out who she was." She motioned to the TV, "And this is what I found!"

"How dare you go through my private things! I don't go through your stuff!"

"So you aren't even going to try to deny it?"

"No." Joe looked at Steven-he was staring at them. "That would be pointless wouldn't it?"

"I can't believe this," She said. "How long has this been going on?"

Steven felt his eyes well up. He might as well take the blame. "Uh, well, I started it. It's my fault."

"I've asked time and time again, and you always denied that you were after him!" Billie stood over him, unleashing her anger. "You've got some serious explaining to do!"

"I started it, back when we were nothin," Steven looked at his hands.

She stared at him. "So I'm the 'other woman' in your affair!"

"No," He said in an exasperated tone. "It ain't like that. I loved him then it broke off after we got back together. We weren't fucking around for a long time. Then just one day on the last tour, it happened."

Billie blinked in vain at her tears then she turned back to her husband. "Do you love him?"

"Yeah, I do." He said quietly. "As much as I love you."

"How? How can you love him as much as you love me? I gave you children!"

"Steven's given me a lot too! I'd be NOTHING without him! Do you honestly think I would have even been a serious guitarist without him! Besides our songs are like our children-"

"I know your work is very important, however; comparing our sons to songs-"

"How is it any different?" He paced back and forth quickly, "It's just the same! You conceive it, birth it and you watch it grow into something you'd never expect!" He stopped and drew a deep breath. "I can't pick my work over my children or vice versa. I can't say which I love more-Steven or you! You're equals in my heart!"

"Equals." She sneered.

"Think of it this way: How could you chose which son you love best. You can't; I can't."

"Billie," Steven stood as well. "It's not like he's gonna leave you for me and I ain't leaving Teresa. We were just lonely. We just needed someone to be with."

"Yeah I missed you." Joe added.

"I missed you too, but I didn't go running off and find somebody else! How would you like it if you found out I was having an affair with Teresa huh?"

That got Steven thinking, those two gorgeous women, kissing and licking each other-man that would be so fucking hot. He looked at Joe-he definitely had the same thoughts running through his mind.

"You two stop it!" Billie shouted. "Stop fantasizing about us!" She turned back to Joe. "You could have called. We could have done phone sex!"

"Phone sex is great, but-" He stopped to get his words. "It's not like having someone holding you."

She drew a calming breath, "I wanna know if you two have ever had sex in this house?"

Both shook their heads, but Joe added, "We never messed around when we aren't on the road."

She just sat there staring at the two of them-the entire situation was still unconceivable to her. Steven looked at Joe; he was staring back at her. "I'll get my shit, and you know I'll move. Is the guest house far enough-"

"I just don't know what to do. I can't take the boys away from their father. I can't ask you to quit because then you'd be miserable. I can't ask you to never see Steven again." She wiped her eyes again. "Maybe we can go to therapy. I just don't know." She looked the TV; by now they were in the middle of foreplay. "I don't know what I thought this would do; showing you this. Maybe I thought you would tell me something, that it was a joke or something. Something that would give me a slim chance of believe you're straight-"

"I'm straight!" Joe interrupted. "Like I said Steven's-"

"I guess there's nothing I can do to stop this." She sighed. "But some ground rules: I don't want to ever hear of you two on these grounds or your grounds, in the buildings especially in the houses-having sex. Think of your kids instead of your dicks!"

"Yeah fine." Steven nodded. "No problem."

"And take that ring off." She ordered.

"Billie, I know you're hurt-"

"I don't want to see you wearing his ring."

Joe looked at Steven then at the ring. "I can't Billie. I can't."

She seemed angrier at that than at the sex. "Goddamn it Joe! I'm not kidding! I'll never be able to look at you again if I see you wearing that ring!"

"He never asked me to take off your ring."

"It's OK Joe," Steven said, trying to stop the fight, "You can take it off. I understand-"

"See you got permission!" She shouted. "Your 'baby' said you could!"

"Damn it!" Joe shouted back. "I will not take off my wedding ring and I will not take of Steven's ring!" He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You're just going to have to get use to it."

"God, you do love him." She said softly. "I just wanted to see if you would take it off, but no. I had it in my head that if you took it off; it was just a meaningless fling." She sat down on the couch and held her head in her hands.

Joe sat down beside her, "How would you have felt if that was some girl I picked up? Would that have made it any better?"

"It would have been hurtful, but not like this."

"We were careful-we always used rubbers."

"I guess that's something." She rose and began to walk away, "I'm going to go lie down." Then she turned. "I don't mind if you eat with your family, but I'd appreciate it of you slept in the guest room for a while." Her eyes met Steven's. "Does Teresa know about him?"

"Yeah I've told her."

"And she's OK with it."

"She knows I love her, and she knows I love him. She knows I'm a man that has needs."

Billie didn't respond; she closed the door behind her.

Steven turned around-he'd been keeping this inside since he realised what Joe'd done. He stared at him. "Why did you tape us?"

"I don't know I just wanted a visual aid in case, you know, I needed it."

"A visual aid! Mr. 'We can't let nobody know' and then you fucking tape us and leave it in your desk-"

"My locked desk."

"What the fuck ever! You were so goddamned concerned about someone finding out and then you-YOU leave the biggest clue around!"

Joe sighed, "Great, now I got you pissed at me too."

Steven suddenly felt bad about his outburst-nothin like kickin a guy when he's down; he sat down beside him. "I just wish you would told me, I mean I got no problem about making tapes."

"If I would have said, 'Hey baby, let's film ourselves.' you would have gone into complete Steven Tyler mode and-"

"Steven Tyler mode?"

"Yeah, you would have been like you always are when the cameras on-you would have been well not you." Joe rubbed his arm, "I didn't want that. I just wanted you."

"Oh." He nervously cleared his throat. "How many tapes are there?"

"Just that copy."

"I mean how many times did you tape us."

"Three, but the other two weren't all that great. I taped over them."

Steven leaned back, and nervously rubbed at his nose. He watched the film-he was pumping away with his fingers. "Where's the camera?"

"Remember that bag I carried around? I had a camera in it. I'd set it on the dresser and turn it on." He fiddled with his bracelet, "I'm so sorry Steven. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"Don't worry bout me, worry about your wife."

He sat back; his eyes went to the ceiling, "Fuck."

"Do you want me to go talk to her?"

"Nah."

They sat there for a few minutes when Steven broke the silence. "If I could have your baby I would."

"What?" Joe's tone was harsh.

"Yeah I would. I would do it in a heartbeat. I'd go through the whole thing: morning sickness and weight gain and the labor." He stopped for a brief second. "Hell I'd live with stretch marks just to have a kid with you."

Joe didn't respond.

"Can you imagine the pedigree that kid would have? A fucking born rock star-"

"I'm not in the mood for your silly stream of conscience, Steven."

He gave a shrug. "Just sayin it cause I do feel that way; I do love you."

"I love you too." His voice was barely audible.

"She'll come around, man." He wrapped his arm around Joe's shoulders. "Give her some time to cool off."

"I don't think time's gonna take care of this." He looked at the TV just in time to see his back arched as Steven was grinding into him. "Fuck I can't believe this. I never thought she'd find out about us."

He watched it closely, "You know, you did a pretty good job."

"I've only watched it a couple of times."

"Well, just look at it, it's focused and we're in frame."

Joe got up, shut it off and popped out the tape. He tossed it to Steven. "Take it. I don't wanna ever see it again."

Steven looked at the cassette then back at him. "Whatdya want me to do with it?"

"I don't give a fuck! Watch it, jerk off to it, fucking burn it! I don't fuckin care!"

"I'll get goin," Steven got up slowly, "Um do you want me to call later-"

"No." He took a big sigh, went back to Steven and gave him a hug. "Baby, I gotta think. I just gotta be alone for a while. OK?"

__________________________________

Steven kept clear of the Perry home for two weeks. In fact, he was secretly hoping that Billie wouldn't call Teresa and inform her. He told her a half truth: Teresa knew about the first affair, but not the present one. He knew he could talk his was out of it, but why put the woman through it?

But now, he was getting worried. No calls, no communications of any kind. He thought of making a visit, but maybe he should just wait it out. Don't rock the boat.

"Steven," Teresa called out, "You got a package."

"Thanks for noticing."

She laughed. "Yeah and you got this; from a jeweler, I guess." She handed him a cardboard box.

"Thanks." He took it and walked into his study. He sat it down and thought about it: He didn't order anything. What the hell?

Only one way to find out...He sat down and got a letter opener to pry at the tape. It wasn't anything too out of the ordinary-a small wooden locked jewelry box.

He turned it over, and saw the key was taped to the bottom. He removed it and unlocked the box.

On the top was a note, he opened it and was somewhat relived to see Joe's scrawled message.

Baby-

I had this made for you. I want you to always remember the good and bad times we had together. If it pleases you in some small way, it will make me the happiest man alive.

Forever yours-

Joe-Joe

He looked at the bracelet that was inside. Cabochon stones-blue, green, yellow, red and purple set in silver. He happened to turn it just right and see a mark on the inside of the clasp. He pulled out his reading glasses to get a better view. It was two symbols; he recognized his own zodiac symbol of Aries. The other, exactly beside it was Virgo-Joe's symbol.

He slipped it on, took the note and locked it back in the box. It was simple now. He had to go see him.

The Perry place was quiet. He saw Tony sitting on the steps, almost surprised to see him.

"Hey Tony," He called out as he walked up. "How's it goin?"

He shrugged, "I'm not sure."

"Not sure?" Steven sat down. "What do you mean?"

"I wanna ask you something."

"OK."

"Do you know what's wrong with my Mom and Dad?"

Steven felt his heart rise into his throat. "Why?"

"Mom sits around crying and Dad stays in the Boneyard. I only see him when we eat and then he goes away. He won't play with us. I asked her what was going on and she said everything was fine. It can't be fine. What's wrong?"

He put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "I'll go see what's up. I don't want you to worry about this-I'm sure it's nothin'."

Tony nodded and walked back into the house. Steven saw him peering through the glass. He took the walk to the entrance of the Boneyard and knocked on the door.

He received no answer so he knocked again. "Joe it's me." He waited a second, and finally opened the door himself.

The recording studio was darkened. He was sitting at the control panel staring at the glass, a ring of cigar smoke encircled him. "Joe?"

He didn't look at him. He just drew another puff.

He walked to him and sat down. "So whatcha doin?"

Joe took the cigar from his lips. "Listening to music."

"I don't hear anything."

"I know. I couldn't decide what to play, so I'm still thinkin bout it."

Steven clasped his hands together. "How's it going?"

"As well as you'd expect." He finally looked at him-his eyes were red. "She hates me."

"Billie doesn't hate you."

"Yeah she does." He tapped the cigar, "You know it's getting where I love meals, cause that's the only time she talks to me." He gave a chuckle. "And mealtime goes by so fast."

"So in the meanwhile you sit here?"

"What else am I suppose to do?"

"Well there's lotsa things you could do-"

"I see you got your present."

Steven looked down at the bracelet. "Yeah, thanks. I love it. You didn't have to do that-"

"I wanted to. In fact, that was the last place I went to-I ordered that for you, and a necklace for her. At least you're wearing your gift." He pulled a beautiful heart shaped diamond suspended on a white gold necklace from his shirt pocket and tossed it beside his ashtray.

"She didn't want it?"

"Nope. Threw it right back in my face." He stared at him for a second, "Now I just sit here and think about her and you and me. I've come to a few conclusions."

"I'd like to hear them."

Joe sat back a bit. "I've decided that it wasn't cause we were 'lonely'. It happened cause I love you, and I love being with you."

Steven nodded. "Same here."

"And I love Billie, and I love my boys."

"I know."

"And I can't have my cake and eat it too, you know. I gotta chose."

"Yeah I suppose so."

"And that's what I'm having trouble with." Joe drew once again on the cigar. "I try to imagine not being with her-and it hurts. Then I imagine not being with you, and it hurts just as much."

"Yeah, well, I'm not gonna throw down a bunch of shit. I know this is tough, but," He thought of Tony, "Man you gotta get back together with her. Billie's the best thing that ever happened to you."

"Next to you."

"No." He shook his head. "Billie save you man. I tore you down to hell, but she brought you back. She's your soul mate."

Joe frowned a bit. "I think you are."

"I think we're more of a 'musical soul mates'. She's the one that was made for you, not me."

Joe sat up and stared at him. "You're leaving me too?"

"What?"

"You heard me." His jaw was clenched. "Are you leaving me?"

"Naw man, I love you. Always have always will." He quickly cleared his throat and continued. "I mean, I understand. I know that you gotta stay here, you gotta stay with her and your kids. I'm not pressuring you to come with me-"

"Pressuring. Yeah you are. You come in here telling me you love me, and then you tell me to go back to her! You aren't helping me at all!"

"What do you want me to do? Demand that you pack up everything and come live at my guesthouse? Demand that you serve her divorce papers!" He threw his hands up. "I'm trying to let you know that I'm cool with it-I understand that this is over."

"Maybe I don't want it to be over! Did you ever think of that?" Joe shot back. "I can tell you're getting laid." He ran his hands through his hair. "I love you baby."

"I love you too." Steven blinked back his tears, "I just talked to Tony; he wanted to know what was wrong with the two of you."

"What? Nothing's different-"

"Oh yeah, nothing's different! You just said that you see them at meals and that's it! He knows his mom's sad-he knows that you're upset!" He leaned forward trying to make his point. "Now, I know you're hurt and Billie's hurt. You gotta decide right now if you're gonna stay here and make this work or if you're gonna find someone else. Start all over again. Your kids don't deserve to be living on a rack. Either let them know you and Mom aren't going to be together or fix this."

"That kid was always too smart." Joe said.

"He's scared-he doesn't know what's goin on."

"Well," He shrugged. "I mean is it really over between us? I can't ever be with you again?"

Steven thought about it. "If you ever asked, I probably wouldn't say no. We just gotta stay low. Right now you gotta get this whole thing between you and her fixed-"

"I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to win her back." He took the necklace and cradled it in his hand, "I remember when she saw this-she really loved it. I was so glad that they hadn't sold it. I figured you know, she'd get this and everything'd be cool again. If this didn't win her back, fuck."

They sat there both thinking when Joe spoke. "I've been thinkin bout gettin inked."

"A tattoo?" Steven looked at him. "Of what?"

"You know something with her name on me. Something to show I belong to Billie Paulette Perry. Something to show her how serious I am about her."

"An 'I'm sorry' tattoo? I don't know man."

"Well I am sorry."

"Then do it."

"Would it make you mad if I did that?"

"No." A thought came to Steven. "But why dontcha just take her on the road."

"On the road?"

"Yeah take her along. You told her that we got lonely-well take her along. And it's not as permanent as ink."

"She wouldn't leave the boys."

"Take them too. Get a tutor. Maybe after a tour, she'll get bored with it and let you be."

"Yeah," He nodded, "But if she's there, then what about us?"

"There's always traveling to write songs or going hunting or fishing. Maybe we can buy a cabin." He moved closer, "It'll make it even more special-"

Suddenly Joe moved forward and kissed him hard. He wrapped his arms around him, and kept them there as Steven struggled to break free. He finally pushed Joe away. "What the hell?"

"I need you." Joe started to move forward again but Steven moved back. "I need you right now."

"I promised-we promised Billie that we wouldn't do this in the house-"

"This is my domain."

"Your domain is in the house and on the property." Steven corrected. He fought him again as he tried to kiss him again. He finally stood and was ready to walk out.

Joe had other ideas. He grabbed Steven and threw him onto the couch. Before he could move Joe was on top of him pulling at his shirt.

For the first time ever, Steven was genuinely afraid of him. They had gotten into fistfights before, but he knew he could stand his ground against him. He wasn't so sure now. That look in his eye made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. "What the fuck!" He slammed his fists into his chest and tried to bring his knee up; he needed leverage to fight him off. "Get off me you bastard!" His mind flashed back to all those years ago-to when he was a victim. "Damn it! NO!"

Joe suddenly sat up, stunned. "God." He stood. "I'm sorry baby. I thought, well, I thought you just sent me a signal-"

"NO!" Steven looked at his shirt-Joe had ripped the shoulder seam out. He vainly tried to put the two pieces of fabric back together but they fell away.

"I'm so sorry."

"Forget it."

"I guess I just went crazy-"

"No shit."

"I'm just so damn scared that I'm losin' everything."

Steven felt himself beginning to tremble; he clenched his fists, trying to push those horrible thoughts back into his mind.

"What's the matter?"

Steven just kept his head down and shook it quickly.

"Baby what's wrong?" He stared at him, he definitely saw him crying now. "I said I was sorry."

"This just brought back some bad memories. I haven't thought about it in years."

Joe began to put his arm around him, but he pulled away. "Sorry." He clasped his hands together. "You wanna talk?"

"Nah, I'm OK."

"No, you're not. I wouldn't tell anybody."

"OK," He drew a deep breath. "It was so long ago-I was in between summer bands," He began his voice was choked with emotion, "And I went to this show. After it was done, I was backstage talking to these girls, trying to get lucky and-" He struggled to find the words, "This guy from the band came up. He just brushed them aside and grabbed my arm," He sniffed. "And he said he had some weed-you know me, I wouldn't say no to some great shit. So me and him went into this back room.

"He let me smoke some, and it was some great shit. Fuckin fabulous shit. " He stopped and blinked hard. "And the next thing I knew, he had a knife to my throat, he ripped off my jeans and he had me pinned over this table," He stopped and shook his head again. "Let's just say my first time with a guy wasn't all that great either."

Joe gasped. "He raped you?"

He couldn't answer him.

"Steven." He put his arm around him.

"I didn't want it, and I got it anyway." He nodded. "Yeah, I got raped." He wiped his eyes. "When he was done he said that someday I'd be braggin about it. Funny thing is, I never told anybody-not any therapist or Teresa. Nobody til now."

"Do I know him?"

"Yeah. You've met him. Everybody knows him. He's famous now."

"Who is he?"

"Nah, it don't matter."

"Who is he? I'll beat the shit outta him-"

"Joe, it happened a long time ago. It's OK-"

"No, it's not OK."

"Please let's just drop it."

Joe gave a slow nod. "OK baby." He held him tighter, "I just want you to know, I'll never hurt you."

"Thanks man." He wanted so desperately to call him 'Joe-Joe', but that would be sending him a signal. He'd never felt so close to him, but he remembered why he was here. "Why don't you just go talk to her?"

"I've tried. I talk and she walks away. I've said I'm sorry, and I'll do whatever she wants, and she just walks away."

Steven got up and looked at his reflection in the glass and brushed the last tears from his face. "Maybe she'll talk to me."

"You can try, but I wouldn't hold my breath."

Steven made his way into the house-it was pretty quiet. He walked into the kitchen-nobody. "Hello? Billie are you here?"

He walked down the hallway to her darkroom. The red light wasn't on, but he knocked anyway. "Billie?"

She opened the door and gave him an icy stare. "Steven."

"Hey can I talk to you?"

"I was working-"

"Can I come in?"

"OK."

She was developing pictures of Tony and Roman at the beach. "Great shots." He said.

"Thanks." Her reply was cold.

"Uh, I was wondering how everything's goin?"

She didn't look up from the pans. "Great."

He thought about what he should say-he finally figured on saying what he knew was true. "Joe loves you."

She stopped for a second. "Does he?"

"Of course he does-I know what he said, but I know him too. He loves you more than me-he'd die for you and the boys."

She quickly walked past him, retrieving a bottle. "I know when a woman takes a man from another woman-it's just a matter of time before they find someone else. If they stray once they will stray twice. I took him away from Glenda, so I knew that someone would take him away from me someday. I just always assumed it'd be some little blonde model, not you."

Steven felt himself frown. "OK, I'm telling you some shit that nobody knows. I started the whole thing between me and Joe. But hell he didn't remember any of it for years-so it didn't mean all that much to him. He meant alot more to me than I ever did to him. And," He sat down and shrugged. "Joe ain't the only one I had a fling with."

That got her attention. "In Aerosmith?"

He nodded, "Actually at one time or another I had a soul to soul experience with each of them. Mostly one night stands but one was very special; he made me feel that I was wanted and loved. Between him and Joe-I was really happy there for a while."

"Who?"

Steven shook his head, "Naw, I ain't sayin."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Cause I want you to know it ain't Joe's fault. I saw him in my sights and I had to have him. I told you I started it and he ended it. Remember when we met you at my hotel room? I wanted to fuck Joe til the cows came home, but he told me no. He told me he was in love with you; he wanted a future with you. And most of the 90's we didn't even look at each other."

"So how did all this happen, this time around?"

Steven drew a breath, now was the time to lie. He might as well take the blame so he reversed the events. "I was lonely, and I went to Joe's room and I started talking bout old times. And then I started tellin him about I was thinkin bout him and me, and one thing led to another and I-" He shrugged. "I performed a fellatio on him."

She blinked hard, "You um, OK."


"But it was just a physical act-"

"It takes two. He could have said no again."

"Yeah, if he wasn't so damn lonely he would have."

"But he loves you, Steven."

"Yeah well I love him too. There's different degrees of love. I mean sometimes we'd just sit and talk, and sometimes we'd just kiss and then sometimes-" He shrugged. "We did a lot more."

"He won't take your ring off."

"Why does that bother you? His wedding band never pissed me off."

"I saw the tape. I heard what you two said."

"I think he's doing it out of loyalty as a band mate, not for the love of a lover. I think he doesn't want to hurt me and in turn he's hurting you." He swallowed hard, "He doesn't really know what to do; he's between the devil and the deep blue sea."

She still looked down trodden. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"This sounds silly but," She stopped for a second, trying to compose herself. "After you two had sex, did he ever paint your toenails?"

He frowned; hell this must be something really important. "No, he never did. Why?"

"Well, after he came back from rehab, and we were back on track you know. Then one night everything just was magical. It was just so perfect-and afterwards, we were sitting in front of the fireplace and he just got up and got a bottle of nail polish and started doing my toenails. And after that, it seemed like every time we had just mind numbing sex, he'd wanna paint my nails."

"Guess we never got to that level." He lied. "See? He loves you. You're his soul mate and he's yours."

She seemed a little happier. "I just am having a hard time getting that image of you two out of my head."

"Yeah well, I'm sorry you had to see that. We never meant to hurt anybody, we were just lonely. And honestly, I had no fuckin clue that he made a tape."

She still wasn't won over.

"I remember the first time I saw him." Steven began, "I thought he was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I didn't think about screwing him, but I just liked the way he looked. Thin with that cool black hair and that scowl. He was just such a bad ass."

"I remember when I saw him," She began, "I couldn't take my eyes off of him. And then his eyes met mine and I knew we'd connected. It was love at first sight."

"It ain't his fault; if you're gonna be mad, be mad at me. Give him another chance Billie."

She blinked hard, "I'd like to, but..."

"But?"

"The next time you're on tour I can sit and wonder what you're doing with Joe."

"You said it yourself: You can't make him quit or he'll be miserable."

"And I know you'll be with him again."

"No, this is completely over. I swear to you, I will never spend another illicit moment with your husband."

She stared at the photos hanging to dry.

"OK," He leaned on his knee, "Think about this: He got lonely and had an affair with me, what do you think he's gonna do pretty soon huh? Think about how lonely he is right now. He ain't gonna sit down in that studio for the rest of his life! Pretty soon he's gonna go find someone else Billie. It won't be me-so maybe he'll find that little blonde model."

That seemed to strike her. "Yeah, I guess he would."

"Just meet him halfway, that's all he wants."

She tearfully nodded. "Yeah but he's gonna have to prove that he's serious about us. I'm not gonna wait around for the boys to graduate and then get a divorce."

"Fuck just talk to him-acknowledge his existence. Maybe you two should talk to a counselor, maybe you can work it out yourselves, hell I dunno. But you gotta at least talk to him."

She walked over to him and leveled her stare-he wasn't sure what she was going to do. She bent down and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Thank you." She stood and looked at her watch, "I'd better go start lunch. Do you wanna stay?"

"Naw, I'd better get back home." He followed her out.

Joe was standing in the kitchen pulling apart a head of lettuce. He briefly looked at them then turned his back, "Uh, I hope you don't mind me making the salad."

"No, that's fine." She went to the refrigerator.

_________________________________________

"Hawaii," Steven gave a deep sigh, "Fuck I love it. This was a great idea, rentin' a boat."

"Yeah." Joe sat down beside him, looking at the sun setting on the ocean. "You're awfully quiet."

Steven cocked his head, "Just thinkin about the songs."

"So you like them?"

"What's not to like? Marti has some great ideas." He then frowned, "Why don't you like them?"

"Hard to say right now. Still pretty raw."

"Speakin of raw," Steven looked at his newly inked arm, "How's the tat?"

He ran his hand over it, "I'm glad I got it. The pain was worth all the trouble, you know."

Steven turned his attention back to the sea. "Did she like it?"

"Yeah. And she liked the Porsche and she finally took the necklace."

Steven realized that this was the first that the affair had been brought up since that day when he went to his home. He looked down at Joe's hand-his ring was still on his finger.

"Can I ask you something, Steven?"

He nodded.

"Well, would you mind it if I kissed you?"

He was a little shocked.

"I mean if you don't wanna, I understand-after the way I treated you in the Boneyard. I mean, I didn't mean to hurt you; I didn't know about what happened." He took a deep breath, "Besides, why else do you think I wanted to get out here?"

"I know." Steven began slowly, "Are you sure that you wanna start this again? Chances are, it's not gonna end in just a kiss."

"It's been so long." He almost whined when he said it. "You know what you said: It'll be even more special."