FicWad

Author's Note: This fic is extremely old, circa 1998 from when I was watching YuuYuu fansubbed on twelfth generation tapes over top of mandarin chinese subtitles. 0_o; I put it up here mostly for love of Koenma, even if I am kind of embarrased by the fic itself. I wouldn't even do it if not for nostalgia and him. I apologize in advance for any cliches, fangirlishness, girlification, purple prose, florid sex, or general crap. Once I get enough money, I'll buy the 234 DVD set and do these boys some real justice. ^_^




"What Shall I say to thee, Lord Scroop?
Thou cruel, ingrateful, savage, and inhuman creature?
Thou that didst bear the key of all my counsels,
That knewest the very bottom of my soul
That almost mightst have coined me into gold...
'Tis so strange. That though the truth of it stands off as gross
As black and white my eye will scarcely see it
Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem
I will weep for thee. For this revolt of thine, methinks
Is like another fall of man."
--Henry V act ii scn ii



Midnight wrapped velvet arms around the small niche of mountains, burning her sky with violet and opal light. Koenma was wide awake, unused to human sleeping patterns and fascinated by the mirrored stars of the human world, wrapped as they were in occasional dim swirls of cloud, like a bright dancer trailing veils.

He assumed the stars here were different from the ones in the Rei-Kai. He wouldn't really know, having trouble remembering them just so. 500 years under them and he never thought to look up. "That's really pathetic, now that I think about it," He mumbled to himself, settling his back more comfortably against Genkai's porch-post and leaning his head against the step railing. His liquid eyes reflected the sky as he mulled over blue starlight and old memories, wondering how many more centuries it would take for them to fade. He shivered, the bite of autumn was in the crisp September air and he was used to the controlled temperature of his office. He tended to forget how sensitive his teenaged mortal form was in comparison to his usual godling one.

"Can't sleep?"

He recognized the ki first, the faint scent of clove cigarettes second, and Yuusuke's voice last. Koenma swiveled around on the steps to look at him, crossed arms on the railing, eyes half-shut as he exhaled smoke in a sigh. It drifted down and right to dissipate against the restless demi-god.

"Something like that." Koenma let his gaze linger, anonymous under hooded eyes and in the dark. Yuusuke was wearing only his faded denim low on his hips, the top button undone and revealing the faintest trail of soft black leading down from the indentation of his navel. He shifted his weight and Koenma took his sight back to the cold safety of starlight, away from the twinned ember reflected in Yuusuke's irises.

"Gorgeous night, huh?" Yuusuke perched easily on the porch rail, one knee up, the other leg dangling bare toes earthward. His head thumped against the veranda support as he took a deep breath of the glassy night air, flicking ash away with a practiced twitch of his wrist.

"Gorgeous," Koenma agreed, not looking at the sky that had failed to keep his attention.

"You doin' okay?" Yuusuke swung himself around, brooding on the rail above the lord of the dead like a raven after a battle. "You've been pretty quiet."

"Just thinking," Koenma evaded, hugging himself against a quick cool breeze. The nigenkai clothing he wore felt unfamiliar on his slight frame; he wondered if there might be a sweater inside.

Not that he was leaving to go look. He chewed his lower lip, wishing for the rings of his pacifier to click his teeth against. But the unlikely power object was back in the Rei-Kai, in his father's possession.

Enforced Vacation, Enma had said, confiscating the trinket and bustling his son off to the ningenkai for a week with his friends. Probably his father wanted the spirit world to himself for something, but he'd come up with a perfectly authentic excuse: that Koenma had been distracted at work. It wouldn't do to muddle up papers. He had a week to get himself in line or- His father's unfinished threat dangled over Koenma's head like the sword of Damocles; the immortal put his chin in his hand and glared at a clump of grass by his feet. Great, Dad. Put me right frigging next to the object of my distraction.

Said object of Koenma's distraction flung away his cigarette, watching it streak across the sky like a comet. He narrowed his eyes and focused a tiny blast from the tip of his finger, just enough to turn the filter to harmless ash and extinguish the brightly glowing cherry. He laughed slightly, still sometimes in wonder at what he could do.

The soft furry sound of his chuckle was more warming to Koenma than the sweater he refused to fetch, and he was halfway grateful and halfway miffed that Yuusuke had chosen to stay THIS particular week at Genkai's. He had a good bet that scribed down someplace in one of the worlds there was a set of Rules by which all else operated.

And when Koenma got his hands on the Murphy-San that wrote them, he was going to shove his pacifier up the obnoxious twerp's nose and detonate it.

"Koenma-sama?" Yuusuke almost never used the respectful appellation; in fact, none of them seemed to. Truth be told Koenma got tired of hearing it from literally God and everybody, but the sound of it on Yuusuke's tongue sent spidery prickles down his back. It was acres better than the 'gramps' he was used to getting from Hiei.

The Spirit World Detective sat down on the top step away from Koenma, close enough for the heat of his skin to be felt in the night air. Concern laced his voice. "Dude. You look pretty tense... no wonder your dad gave you the boot for a week."

Koenma nodded, the barest fraction of motion. "Stress." He said through clenched teeth, his mind repeating a familiar mantra over and over.

Look but don't touch don't touch don't touch... Some things Koenma never wanted to go through again, no matter how old he lived to be.

"Yeah, I hear ya." Yuusuke yawned and stretched out on the step on his back, one hand tucked behind his head. "So you wanna talk about it?"

Koenma shook himself, banishing the entrancement of watching the ripple of Yuusuke's strength in the slightest motion, wincing at the pale lines of scars intersecting across his chest. Most of the reasons for those scars were from missions that he'd sent Yuusuke on.

Not that he had a choice.

"Talk about what? Stress?"

"Nah." Yuusuke turned his head, and vibrant brown eyes met soft gold ones. "About what's really bugging you."

Koenma glanced away, hoping he didn't look guilty. "Bugging? Me?"

"Yeah. You, death-boi." Yuusuke stabbed his finger at Koenma's nose, making the godling go slightly cross-eyed staring at it.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Koenma batted Yuusuke's hand away, proud that his fingertips didn't linger on the warm skin. "And watch where you point that."

Yuusuke looked smug. "It's Botan, isn't it." He announced out of the blue. "You're in love with her."

Koenma snorted. "Leave the ESP to Kuwabara."

"You trying to tell me you aren't? C'mon. Look me in the eye and tell me you aren't."

"I most certainly will not!"

Yuusuke made a few unsubtle chicken noises.

"Fine!" Koenma snapped, taking Yuusuke's face in his hands and glaring him in the eye. "I am not in...love..." Koenma bit his lip so hard he nearly tasted blood. "...uhhh..."

Beautiful eyes. Staring back at him now, so seriously, their faces just inches apart. Koenma's thumb swept

unconsciously over the curve of one cheekbone. Even _his_ eyes had never been so lovely; there was always a cold edge in them. Not here. Here there was only warmth and life and..laughter? "Yuusuke!" Koenma let him go abruptly. "I wasn't- I meant to- oh, fuck off!" He folded his arms and turned his back on him. "Bastard."

"I knew it! I KNEW you couldn't do it!" Yuusuke kept his gloating as quiet as possible, it wouldn't do to wake Genkai. "Why don't you tell her?"

Koenma sighed. Might as well tell the truth, even if that wasn't what had slipped. "I have told her, Yuusuke."

Yuusuke quieted. "And she pulled the rug out from under you? Aw, man..That's gotta be a low blow-"

"She did not turn me down, thank you." Koenma pulled himself up proudly. "She admitted equal feelings about me quite nicely, but as there was nothing to be done we went on about our business."

"What ARE you? An ice cube? She told you she loved you and you didn't-" Yuusuke gestured with his hips, and Koenma quite utterly forgot how to think.

"We- ah.. I.. I... we can't. There are rules." Koenma thought of that day, so very long ago, and locked away the dark, familiar ache with practiced ease. "I'm the junior lord of the underworld, Yuusuke, and Botan's a spirit guide. If I violate her, whether she wants to or not, her life is forfeit. It's one of the oldest rules in the book."

Yuusuke leaned up on his elbow. "Wait a minute. You're telling me that if a guide looses her virginity, she's executed?"

Koenma shook his head. "Only if it's a liaison with me. They aren't required to be chaste. And I can do as I please, just not with them." Or with YOU, he reminded himself. That's my own rule. Yuusuke would say that rules are meant to be broken. Koenma would say he wished he didn't hear Yuusuke's voice in his head so damn much.

"Wow." Yuusuke gave a low whistle. "that's still pretty severe. What would happen to you?"

Koenma tucked his hands between his knees and grimaced. "Take a wild guess."

Yuusuke's expression went from pity to mild horror and then back again. "And you have to be around her all the time... god. That's gotta be torture."

"We're used to it. It's not like we haven't had 300 years to get adapted. And there are plenty of other options, if need be." Koenma made a desperate point not to look at Yuusuke.

"If you love her it can't be much of a comfort."

"If I love her I'll stay as distant as I can."

For a moment they stared at each other.

"You'd bury yourself in paperwork," Yuusuke said slowly, realizing. "And take on a form that discouraged romance."

Koenma smiled approval. "I knew I hadn't hired an idiot for your job."

Yuusuke's smile joined Koenma's in the dark.

"So how about those 'other options'?" Yuusuke mumbled around the cigarette he was lighting. He could chain smoke now that he'd come into his demon inheritiance, it wasn't going to kill him, that's for sure.

"Why this sudden interest in my love life?" Koenma raised an eyebrow suspiciously at the Reikai Tantei. Botan knew he would be here, and she may have put Yuusuke up to this. She knew his heart better than anyone.

Yuusuke just shrugged, blowing sweet clove-smoke into the sky. "I'm not sleepy, and it seems to be the only thing you'll talk about." Yuusuke fixed him with a quick glance. "So have there been?"

Koenma pretended to be fascinated with the path at the bottom of the porch stairs. "Yes," he admitted, softly.

Yuusuke grinned, and had he been into self-analysis he might have wondered just why that pleased him so much. He'd always known there was more to Koenma than being the talking abacus of the afterlife. "Anybody I know?"

"Once." Koenma's voice was even softer. He knew he should stop now but the prospect of letting it out felt painfully good, like pulling a thorn from his palm.

You should practice your self-control, my boy.

Yuusuke took a long drag from his cigarette, thinking. "Yukina."

"Do I LOOK like I want to be run through with a rei-ken and munched on by Hiei's pet tattoo?"

"Mukuro."

"I'm not into machinery."

Yuusuke rattled off a list of names, females they'd run across in their years together. For each one he received a negation. He gave up, his cigarette long since gone and now he was trying to balance his lighter on his nose. "Well WHO?"

Koenma coughed, hugging his knees. "Sensui."

Yuusuke's lighter clattered to the porch planks. He'd never even thought to ask about men, Koenma never seemed the type. But then, he guessed HE didn't seem it either.

Yuusuke coughed and bent to retrieve his zippo, a question forming on his lips. It died, unspoken, with one look at Koenma's haunted expression. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You aren't the one who was stupid." He shrugged with one shoulder. "It was a long time ago."

Yuusuke had reached out to touch Koenma's shoulder, but his hand wound up brushing his cheek instead, startling him with dampness against his knuckles. "Koenma-"

"Don't." Koenma tilted his head away, blinking furiously. It wasn't the memory that made him cry, it was Yuusuke's kindness in comparison. Yuusuke was everything he'd wished and made himself believe that Sensui was. The layer of nobility that ran through him like diamonds in coal was what made him take the risk and attempt the Reikai Tantei again. He knew it would backfire against his heart, but if there was one thing Koenma was good at, it was squashing his feelings far away from the rest of him. But why, with all the practice he'd had, did being near Yuusuke make it so dammed DIFFICULT? "At the time I believed that something was better than nothing."

Yuusuke felt his chest constrict at Koenma's rueful, ghostly smile, the liquid bitterness in his eyes, the misplaced pride in the set of his shoulders.

"I didn't tell him to stop."

"You mean he didn't ask before he-" Yuusuke felt his insides twist in rage. "It was after he went mad, wasn't it."

"Of course." The pleasant tone of voice was something horrible. "He barely took note of me before, I should have known something was wrong when he finally did." Koenma's eyes went distant, looking over Yuusuke's shoulder into the past. "He never said a word. The whole time. After- after it was over he- told me to consider it his resignation. I never saw him again until.. you know."

"He raped you." Yuusuke's voice was edged with cold, but Koenma merely waved it away.

"I suppose it could be called that." He sighed, tiredly. "But it wasn't as if I didn't want him to."

Yuusuke was quiet, weighing his words before speaking them. "Was that the only time you ever... you know-"

"Wasn't that QUITE enough?" Koenma's fury showed for the first time, his words an icy hiss, part of the step crunching under his hand. He exploded up with an exasperated noise, stalking away a few paces. Beautiful way to lose it in front of Yuusuke. He tried to slow his breathing down, staring grimly at the ground in front of him and ordering himself, in no uncertain terms, to stop this ridiculous crying nonsense this very instant.

"Koenma-" Yuusuke's voice, from right behind him.

"I don't want to discuss it, Yuusuke." Koenma managed to get every ounce of his authority into that, but Yuusuke had never been much for authority.

"Aren't you lonely?"

Koenma gave a harsh laugh, mentally trying to remove the bittersweet sliver of pleasure that Yuusuke's voice could be so gentle and directed at him. "I couldn't tell you if I was, I've never known the difference."

"I could show you."

Koenma whirled in a crunch of misplaced gravel. "What?" Yuusuke's hands came up and cupped his face, startling the prince so much that he couldn't move, his eyes getting huge. "Yuusuke?"

"I'm not stupid, Koenma.. just maybe a little slow." He grinned slyly. "We're a lot alike, aren't we. Sensui and me. Or at least we were. And maybe nothing can be better than something, but that depends on the something."

"I... I don't know what you're talking abou-"

"Yes you do. I might not have a fucking clue... but you do." Yuusuke was close enough that his exhaled words were warm against Koenma's face, and the demigod was vaguely sure that his knees weren't supposed to turn to treacle like that. Yuusuke's thumb brushed against Koenma's lower lip; centuries of holding a pacifier there had sculpted his mouth into an almost unbearably perfect pouty curve. It was impossible to resist kissing it, and despite his skills at doing the impossible, Yuusuke didn't even want to try.

Koenma's eyes shut in warm panic, Yuusuke's mouth closing over his and caressing it with a tenderness that made tears start up again from the already damp lashes. Sensui had never kissed him, and he and Botan had only dared it once, a quick, chaste touch. This was neither, despite the fact that Yuusuke was keeping it carefully closed, his arms sliding down to hold Koenma against him.

Koenma made a soft sound between them, his fingers curling and uncurling against Yuusuke's chest, unsure what else to do with them. He gasped for air when they broke free. "Yuusuke..." He said it, but no sound came out, too awed to do more than feel his name where his lips had been.

"Just an offer, Koenma." Yuusuke smiled faintly, slipping his fingers into dark gold hair. "You should know more than just the pain."

Koenma took a step back and Yuusuke did not prevent him, granting free rein to the lord as much as possible. Koenma's hand fluttered to lips that were still tingling. "Why do you have to be so ~nice~?"

Yuusuke smiled and absently ran a hand through his loose hair. "Isn't that why you want me?"

You are not going to nod you are not you are not oh, damnit, Koenma! Why won't you ever listen to you? "why would you want me?" Koenma's jaw tensed, his mind frantically trying to weigh the pros and cons of breaking the laws he'd set down for himself. His comfortable practicality was abandoning him. "I don't want pity. I never want it to be like that."

"Who said it was?" Yuusuke shoved his hands in his pockets. "Maybe I think about it too, did you ever wonder that? Maybe I like how the one time I saw you stand up and fight for anything it was for me. Maybe I want to know what you're like under the front you put up. Maybe I love to make you smile. Or maybe I think you're just too goddamned sexy, how about that?"

Koenma was quite speechless, managing only a weak, "But Keiko-"

"Has been on my ass to talk to you for ages." He reached out his hand. "Koenma. No one ever asked before. I'm asking you now. You want me? Here I am." He summed himself up, ragged denim clinging to his sculpted form, moonlight turning his hair blue-black and his eyes incandescent.

Yuusuke almost lost his balance as Koenma's weight collided into him, an inexperienced mouth hot and eager on his own. "Show me," Koenma murmured against Yuusuke. "Show me everything. Make me forget."

Yuusuke's hands closed on Koenma's upper arms, holding him tightly as his mouth asked innocently for invasion, opening against Yuusuke's. they both shuddered with the wet velvet intensity of it, clinging together and failing to make it gentle, the need trembling too hungrily as they slid into each other.

They blinked and their quick breaths fogged between them in the cold night air, Yuusuke was shivering against Koenma's warmth.

"Where?" Koenma whispered. He wished for his cloak, wrapping his arm instead around Yuusuke's bare shoulders. They were the same height, he noted. Odd. He always thought of Yuusuke being taller than he was.

Yuusuke pointed to the baths on the temple grounds, the hotspring water in the giant stone pool that was warm year round, used to soak aching muscles and urged wounded bodies to faster healing. Koenma nodded once, and ruthlessly shoved his practicality into the same dark cold cell of his psyche where he usually stored his emotions. His desire, once freed, rushed along his blood like the centuries old wine the fire demons were known for: dark, sweet, and violently gentle on the tongue. He wondered if Yuusuke had ever had any of it. He decided to procure a bottle as soon as possible.

Their footsteps were loud in the bathhouse, steam curling up from the pool of water in seductive wisps. They were alone here, and safe, and would not be found. Yuusuke's body showed signs of running in the cold, his skin flushed but cool and taut, eyes glittering darkly under his bangs.

And Koenma realized quite suddenly he was terrified. "Yuusuke, I.. I don't know-"

"Shh." Yuusuke pressed his lips to Koenma's temple, running his fingers over the dark honey colored hair. "It's your call. All of it. You say no, and it's no."

Koenma worried his lip between his teeth, unaware of how perfectly human he looked like that. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to exhale the brittle memories that refused to leave him. This wasn't Sensui, it was Yuusuke. The one he trusted, who had proved his loyalty time and again, for whom he'd faced down everything that he had ever feared, even his father's rage. Yuusuke.

The one he wanted. His hands reached out blindly, finding shoulders, and fingertips slid up his arms until he was wrapped up in a powerful embrace. Yuusuke breathed kisses into his hair and just held him in the steam-warmed darkness, soothing hands moving down his back.

"I'll never betray you like this, Koenma," Yuusuke whispered, kissing a line from cheekbone to throat. "This is just for us, for you and me. Forget who we are, or where we've been, or what we do. Feel this-" His hands sculpted the ki around them, blazing quietly with need and trust and the particular kind of understanding between good friends becoming lovers. "And tell me what you want."

"You." Even Koenma was surprised by the swiftness of his answer. "Right now, before I can think about it."

Yuusuke's fingers were deft on the buttons of Koenma's borrowed shirt, dropping kisses along the smooth chest as he eased to his knees, mouth hot and open against Koenma's navel.

He cried out softly as Yuusuke undid the button fly with a practiced ease that Koenma planned to ask about later, when there weren't teeth grazing him just ~there.~

"Never said a word," Yuusuke muttered disdainfully, nuzzling curls the color of autumn sunlight. "Never told you how beautiful you are... how good you feel..."

Koenma shuddered and arced as sensation beyond his vague fantasies wrapped itself around him, warm and slick and tight. "Yu... su... ke..."

"Mmm." He pulled back, smiling upwards. "Or how good you taste."

Koenma managed a wicked grin to flash down at him. "Bastard wouldn't know."

"Wouldn't he?" Yuusuke grinned back. "Well. Isn't that just a shame. Means that this-" His fingers traced Koenma thoughtfully, listening to the soft helpless noises above him. "Is all mine." His head dipped down again and Koenma buried his hands in dark hair, his hips trying to force deeper into that concentrated perfection.

"Don't stop-" Koenma breathed, knowing he didn't really have a heartbeat like humans but blood was still thundering in his ears, and now Yuusuke was moaning softly around him and his whole being was arched as tight as a bowstring. Yuusuke was kneading the backs of his thighs and the curve of his hips, his teeth scraping just to the edge of danger before they replaced by the constricting silk of his throat.

~Tell me,~ Yuusuke urged mentally, not even sure if Koenma could hear.

"Yuusuke-" it could have been a response, or just a random exhalation.

~Yes. You want everything?~

"Everything..." Koenma's voice was faint, his eyes already shut tightly. So hot that now the room was chill against his flushed skin, all the warmth in the world was in the intimacy of Yuusuke's body, drawing him in past any comprehension the demigod might have had.

~Take it.~ Yuusuke came down hard on the sex imprisoned in his mouth, wasting no time and skill. Koenma was long past holding still, his hips vaulting forward, his breath hitching in a broken cry as he gave himself up and was caught, Yuusuke pulling every precious trace into himself.

Koenma's knees gave out after the jerking of his muscles stilled, crumpling down into Yuusuke's arms. A few blurred moments later he was rather surprised to find himself sobbing tearlessly, pressed in the lee of Yuusuke's shoulder. He was still mostly dressed, only his shirt and the front of his pants undone. Yuusuke was stroking a hand in circles on his abdomen; it was gloriously soothing.

"You okay?" He seemed to be fond of kissing Koenma's temple, right in the dip by his hairline.

Koenma nodded, blinking up at Yuusuke in dazed wonder. "Don't even TRY to tell me you learned that from Keiko."

Yuusuke laughed, gathering the sated prince closer. "Nah, ya gotta be kidding. Keiko won't even let me slip a hand past her hemline. That ah... was after long and arduous training from a youko I know."

Koenma sat up in disbelief. "KURAMA?"

Yuusuke looked sheepish. "Hiei, actually, but he learned it from Kurama so probably-"

"Has everyone in team Urameshi had a chance with you EXCEPT for me?" Koenma looked miffed. "I gotta get some better channels on that viewscreen..."

"Not EVERYBODY... Kuwabara isn't even the type, and even if he was, it wouldn't matter. He probably has 'property of Yukina' stamped on him someplace, but I hesitate to ask where." Yuusuke ruffled Koenma's hair, leaning down to kiss that perfect collarbone some more.

Koenma squirmed, seated as he was in a rather prime part of Yuusuke's lap. "You.. you didn't..."

"You said everything.. and I'm patient. Stay tuned for the sequel." Yuusuke bit lightly at the pale skin under his mouth, and was rewarded with a throaty moan. He surveyed the slender form sprawled in undone disarray before him, as tall as he was but the musculature was not as defined, there were no scars marring the perfect skin.

No, he wore all his inside.

Koenma blinked up at him, eyes lambent gold and slitted, and ever so possibly.. sultry? "I'm not patient," He purred back. Yuusuke swallowed.

'You're wearing far too many clothes for a bathhouse," Koenma pointed out, and his hands ran tentatively down the ripple of Yuusuke's lower stomach, over the soft dark trail that he'd ached to touch with his lips, down into the blue-jean-wrapped heat between tense thighs. "am I really touching you?" he breathed, soft with disbelief.

"Fuck, yes," Yuusuke confirmed, gritting his teeth. "unnn..."

Koenma shifted himself easily, straddling Yuusuke's hips and kissing him with the ardor of a talented amateur.

Yuusuke grinned faintly. Koenma could be aggressive... well well. Will wonders never cease. He hoped not.

"Will you...?" Koenma let the query dangle, amber eyes that judged the misdeeds of men now shining with soap-bubble frailty.

"If you're su-AH!" Yuusuke gasped as Koenma rocked violently against him. "Okay, you're sure."

"Damn right I'm sure." Koenma's voice wavered only slightly as he wrestled with his shirt, trying to remove it. "Damn Ningen-designed piece of-"

"I got it-" Yuusuke leaned forward to tug the offending garment off, coming nose to nose with the lord of the underworld. "Koenma-"

"I know what I want, Yuusuke." Koenma smiled softly. "Petrified maybe, but sure. Bravery isn't my strongest suit anyway, you know that."

"It'll hurt." Yuusuke warned, and was rewarded with a dazzling smile.

"Only in all the right ways, Urameshi Yuusuke. Only in all the right ways."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yuusuke." Koenma kissed his shoulders, fingers combing through dark hair that was soft and unruly without the usual gel. "I promised myself never to do this."

"What, get involved with one of your detectives?" They were curled up on the smooth lip of rock by the pool's edge, Koenma's head cushioned on folded white towels and the soft drip of water echoing over their hushed voices. Yuusuke had rummaged in the assortment of medicines until he turned up a glass bottle of sweet almond oil, burnishing the demigod with it until the candlelight made him glow. His fingers traced arcane patterns over Koenma's belly, pale skin glistening in the filtered moonlight and the one lit paper lamp in the far corner.

Koenma smiled, hopelessly lost, as Yuusuke painted an Egyptian ankh around his navel. "It was an easy taboo to keep when I never expected this to happen." Hoped for it wildly, perhaps, he amended to himself. His daydreams had never done justice to the idea of Yuusuke curled up next to him, one bare leg draped over his and his jet eyes shining with promises.

"You don't expect enough for yourself," Yuusuke scolded slightly, and wordlessly turned him over and began to knead out the tension remaining in nervous shoulders. Koenma exhaled into warm terry cloth, eyes sliding drowsily closed, muscles going lax under Yuusuke's ministrations.

He was half-asleep; basking in sensual warmth unlike anything he'd ever experienced, when something in Yuusuke's touch changed slightly. The motions became slower, blunt nails tracing over his shoulder blade and hot kisses nuzzled into the base of his neck. Anxiety melted and he moaned as sharp teeth nipped the base of his spine, both warm hands now on the insides of his thighs, feathering them open. Slick powerful fingers were cautious and gentle in their investigation, Yuusuke waiting or the soft sighs to grant him permission to continue.

It was painstaking after dealing with Kurama and Hiei, both of them had no qualms about what their bodies wanted, or of asking for it. Koenma was not only uncertain but also badly scarred from memory; it was taking constant willpower for Yuusuke to keep it slow. Somehow, he'd thought it might be frustrating, but he found himself treasuring each small touch more, reveling in the gifts of trust Koenma allowed, one by one. To touch him _there_ then wait for the small noise in his throat and lift of hips that asked more, the sideways gleam of gold eyes and swift intake of breath when Koenma finally let him inside, all were more intense than swift willing revelry. Yuusuke wondered if maybe this was what he'd wanted all along.

Koenma had been bracing himself for pain, it being all he knew of such contact. His breath hitched raggedly in his throat as Yuusuke's touch slipped into him so easily, swirling fire deep inside him and his other hand sculpting the ache between his legs, oiled fingertips stroking over the velvety skin until Koenma was biting his lip to keep from screaming, a burgundy trickle of immortal blood escaping the corner of his mouth. This was nothing like he remembered, being certain only of violent pain and shame at himself for what he wanted, weeping at the chill of Sensui's silence. He hadn't even known if he'd pleased him, at the time it would have been a comfort.

As if to make up for the wordless edge, Yuusuke was whispering encouragement, assuring himself that Koenma still wanted this, murmuring words of affection that seemed rough and ungainly to Yuusuke himself, but Koenma, having never heard such things told him, considered them as high as the greatest poetry.

Yuusuke drank it in, kissing hot deity's tears from Koenma's golden eyes, dizzy with the pulse of him wrapped around his fingertips. He'd never wanted anyone so desperately in his entire life, and never had he wanted so badly to wait and make it last as long as possible. He understood now the way Hiei would hold his breath when Kurama touched him, and why for all their play together he had never felt complete. That was his name Koenma was gritting out between his teeth, his body that Koenma was begging more of. And when Koenma's hand fluttered uncertainly, wrapping itself around Yuusuke's sex and amber eyes turned to plead with him, he gave up trying to wait. "Now?"

"Please...nameless gods above me, please, Yuusuke... " Koenma slumped down as Yuusuke's fingers left him, reaching out to clutch at the towel with both hands. "Please." He folded himself over obediently, on his knees, emblazoned forehead touching cool stone, hips lifted, waiting to be taken. Tears spattered onto the marble he knelt on, his ribcage shuddering with each rapid breath.

Yuusuke fought the quick flare of anger, wishing Sensui was still alive so that he could kill him again just for this. It was the only way Koenma knew, of course, silent and scared, not even able to see who was taking him. Yuusuke leaned over him and wrapped arms around him, smiling at Koenma's puzzlement. "Not like that. Not afraid. Not on your knees."

Koenma's submissive pose unraveled as Yuusuke rolled him onto his back. He began to apologize that he knew no other way, when Yuusuke's kiss silenced him and his legs were lifted around Yuusuke's waist. "Hold on to me... tell me if it's too much. " His vision swum with Koenma's unexpected beauty, at the trust in the incline of his head and his arms winding around Yuusuke's shoulders.

"Kiss me when you..." Koenma whispered, darkness melting slowly from his eyes, and Yuusuke realized that Koenma was looking up and seeing _him_ for the first time, not a memory. Need and longing and loneliness and pride, all for Yuusuke, flooded Koenma's face and Yuusuke blinked in surprise at tears that fell into Koenma's hair. They were his own. "Yuusuke." Koenma breathed words against Yuusuke's lips. "I trust you."

"I love you." Yuusuke took the startled gasp into his kiss, closing his eyes as it became a muted noise of near-pain, Koenma surrendering himself and stifling his cries in Yuusuke's mouth.

It hurt but he didn't feel it, despite the insistence of his nerve endings that he was not used to this sort of activity. Yuusuke was inside him, pain and pleasure and everything, and moving in a sweet violence that was Yuusuke loosing control, his hand sliding between them to drive Koenma over the edge. Thought was beyond him, submerged in the pure emotion of holding Yuusuke within his body, shaking when he felt a thunder of blood and realized it wasn't his, Yuusuke was so deep that their non-human pulses mingled.

Koenma pushed up harder, something triumphant blazing through his taut form when he knew he'd made Yuusuke gasp out his name like that.

"Are you-" Dark eyes were squeezed shut, one arm clutching him close, the other no longer slow.

"Harder," Koenma breathed, biting his lip. He knew what was happening to him even if he'd never felt it, Yuusuke filling him so completely, the clench of his hand making Koenma buck against his rhythm, meeting it even if he didn't know how. He was mortal in this form, could he die of pleasure? Yuusuke's angle changed suddenly, and Koenma didn't care if he did.

"Yuusuke..." Saying it once wasn't enough, he said it until it was all he was saying, ready to explode underneath Yuusuke's hand and crying out brokenly as he did, his entire body clenching in reaction. Ecstasy wasn't strong enough a word, his vision went white behind shut eyes, Yuusuke growling the syllables of his name, striving to get closer than their joined bodies would allow, flooding him with his release and wrapping both arms around him.

Yuusuke was shaking, breathless in Koenma's arms and a warm weight on top of him; Koenma could still feel Yuusuke nestled in his body despite the fact that he had pulled away. Koenma's legs ached, twined weakly with Yuusuke's, his eyes blearily trying to focus. He gave up eventually, sighing into the curve of Yuusuke's shoulder, hearing a murmured phrase against his ear as exhaustion claimed him.



"I meant it."

Warm. Koenma snuggled closer into the heat he was curled against, nuzzling his face into something soft.

It was with a bit of a start that he realized it was Yuusuke's hair. "Yu-!"

"Not a dream," Yuusuke confirmed, grinning down at him. Same old Yuusuke grin, nevermind what had happened before. He kissed him. The lamp was still glowing, but the light outside was grayer than it had been.

"Are you sure?" Koenma felt his face flush. "I know I dreamt something you said."

"Maybe you did," Yuusuke confirmed, exhaling smoke rings toward the ceiling. His gaze slid sideways, slyly at Koenma. "Maybe not."

"Yuusuke, I-"

"Know already." Yuusuke pulled the demigod against his chest, pressing kisses into Koenma's hair. "Don't say it just yet."

Koenma was silent, looking at the shape of Yuusuke's hand on his thigh. "I lied to you, Yuusuke."

"Did you." Yuusuke didn't seem surprised. "You did tell him to stop, didn't you. Screamed it, I'll bet."

Koenma squeezed his eyes shut. "I didn't want you to think of me as weak... or... not able to stand up for myself."

"I don't know about standing up for yourself," Yuusuke ground his cigarette out, and wrapped both arms around Koenma. "But you've stood up for me, against him, and that's more than enough for me."

"I wanted to kill him for hurting you."

"Don't say that. Your voice... it isn't yours when it's goes all cold." Yuusuke shifted his lover, brushing away one lone tear. "Vengeance isn't what you were made for. I didn't want you to have to kill him."

Koenma seemed about to say something else, but finally just smiled. "He really wasn't a traitor, Yuusuke. He just wasn't strong enough in the right places."

"Of course he wasn't a traitor, he couldn't really help what became of him. Besides." Yuusuke leaned over to the pool, scooping up warm water over Koenma's skin. "You wouldn't have loved him if he was."

"Yuusuke?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm glad you aren't a traitor, either."

Yuusuke looked at him a long time, wondering if Koenma was saying what he thought he was saying, but he'd slipped away and plunged into the water before Yuusuke could be sure.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spirit Guide Official Report to Enma Daioh, Sr.

Sir- Suggested leave of absence had hoped for results. Work proceeding at maximum efficiency. Thank you for your assistance in this matter, and your support. I will keep you informed on Koenma's Progress.

=^_^= Botan



~owari~