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The Authority:
h (a) u n t e d

Pain never stops. Pain never ends. Pain never lets go.
Pain can't be avoided.


Skywatch,
14th November, 1998:

"Don't do this to me, please. Don't just shut me out." I can hear it in my voice and it makes me sick. That wheedling tone, begging, pleading. But I can't do it, I can't face losing her. My pride is only worth so much.

"Shut you out of what?" Her voice is infuriatingly calm. "This is all there is to it, all there ever was. It's just not working out, that's all. You're a fucking good lay, and you know I care about you darling, but I don't love you. It's better for both of us if we just knock this on the head before it goes too far and we end up hurting each other."

"But I--"

"Don't!" she cries out, cutting me off. "Just... don't. If you say it, there's no going back. Right here, right now, we can walk away from this and just stay friends. You say what I think you want to say, and it's over."

"And the alternative isn't this being 'over'? It's not just as much of an ending? How am I... we... what then? How can we go on?"

"We just do. It's all we can do. I mean, fuck, did you really think this would be some sort of happily-ever-after crap? I'm ninety-eight years old, and far too fucking jaded for lo--this," she cuts herself off. Her expression slips as she fights to calm herself, before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, expelling the air noisily. She opens her eyes and looks right into mine, her mask on tight once more. "Go away, Shen. Please. You're only making this harder on the both of us."

And that's it. I know now just how much of an idiot I am. And she's right too. I don't want to lose her friendship, she means too damn much to me. I turn and walk to the door, my palm slapping hard at the panel to open it. As they make that gassy sound as the panels making up the door shift apart, I barely hear her whisper "I'm sorry, Li-Min." I don't turn though, nor respond, I just walk away, doing my damndest not to let my shoulders slump any further than they already are. I exchange a few words with Fahrenheit, not really paying much attention but managing to make a good show of it before I escape. It's only when I reach my own room that I finally let it out. I only manage to smash a few things before the sobs overtake me, my whole body convulsing as I cry and moan.

And the worst thing is, she's absolutely right. If she doesn't love me, then this had to end. I just wish it didn't.


The Carrier,
1st January, 2000:

I hate her. I hate her. I hate her so fucking much. She fucking knew, and she didn't say a damn word to any of us. To me.

I really should be wearing gloves or something while I do this, but the feeling of my fists smashing into the canvas bag is glorious in its simple brutality. There's a richness to the tone when you're hitting it right, and the sting across the knuckles, that slight numbing jolt that shoots up the arm. Simple physical pleasure in its own way. That was something she taught me.

...Bitch.

And that's what really gets to me. "Live in the moment you're in," she said, that time all of us in Stormwatch teams went on a bender. And I can't help but wonder. Did she? Did she really?

She knew she was going to die. She knew exactly when she was going to die. She didn't know how, but she certainly knew how long she had left. And I'm left with that question. Whatever the answer, I know I won't like it.

For a moment, I imagine her face on the canvas bag, cigarette in mouth as usual, moments before I smash my fist into it. Another stain there; I've long ripped the skin from my knuckles today. The pain is good, useful, something I can twist and adapt. What she left me with is a burden. And I fucking hate her guts for it.

And I still love her.


The Carrier,
12th January, 2000:

"You're a right little cow, you know that?" I say, all syrupy and sweet in tone, contrasting what I'm actually saying. "Yes you are. Yes you are!" I bounce her up and down a few times and she gurgles in delight, frothy sputum coming from her mouth. It's utterly delightful, in a rather disgusting but extremely saccharine way. "I am totally going to beat the shit out of you when you grow up!"

"Huh, you're braver than I am Shen," a voice comes from behind me, Jack. Barefoot as usual, still in "It wouldn't surprise me if she actually understands every single thing she hears. It's Jenny after all, you just can't tell."

"No kidding. But she still deserves it, and she knows it too. That's why she hasn't vomited on me yet. She's already nailed Apollo, Midnighter and Jeroen. I figure you and Angie are next on the list."

"Oh, so it's not Stormwatch Black dispensation, then?" he asks, referring to the three-person squad we were in together, with Jenny, during the last days of Stormwatch, before she created The Authority. It's funny actually, we're all here in her baby, with baby her. Now there's a twist we never saw coming. Or maybe she did.

"No, it's not about her dying on us. It's... did you know?"

"What? Her dying? No, you know I didn't. Only Jenny and The Doctor did, I didn't have a clue."

"No, that's not what I mean Jack. I mean, did you know about me and her? When we were still in Stormwatch, back living on Skywatch 2."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I knew." His voice is soft now, not much more than a murmur.

"Do you know why she ended it? She said she didn't love me, that it was better to end it before we started tearing chunks off of each other."

"...As reasons go, it's not exactly the worst one I've ever heard."

"No, you're right. It's just... I wonder if that's what it really was. I mean, she knew the end was coming up for her. So did she just say that to try and spare me pain or something, or did she really mean it? And that's why I'm going to beat the shit out of her."

"To be fair, that's not our Jenny there. I mean, she's not even blonde."

"Neither was she."

"How do you..." he trails off at my raised eyebrow. "OK, fair enough, you'd know far better than I would. Even so, I mean, she was the Spirit of the 20th Century, not the 21st. According to Krigstein, she's not even called Jenny Sparks, she's Jenny Quantum. She's not the same person."

"I know that," I say, and my voice feels unnaturally quiet. "I'm never going to have her back. Never going to see her again. Never tell her how I felt about her. I mean, I think she knew that I loved her, but I never actually told her, and it's like this gigantic weight I've been carrying around with me for so long. Like as if I had said it, I'd be free somehow. And I hate it so much. I hate her so much." I look down at the baby that's fallen asleep in my lap and give a wistful smile. "She's always going to be hanging over me, in one form or another." Softly I ease her upwards, nestling her into the crook of my arm before I walk away from Jack, heading for baby Jenny's crib, a smashing little number The Doctor grew whole for her in a few hours. I settle her down, tuck her in, and get the hell away as fast as I can. Right now I just want to be alone.


Menri Monastery, Tibet,
21st February, 2008:

Tobacco. That's the first... no, the second thing I notice. The first was the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. The smell of tobacco was the second, that familiar scent. I'm already half certain of who it is behind me when I realize that it can't be. And then I do know who it is, but it's not the person I was hoping for. Of course it isn't. Three years I've mostly been able to ignore it, and now it all comes flooding back.

"Hi Shen," the person says, and I turn to face her. It's curious, the differences I note. This Jenny's nose is more upturned than my Jenny's was, her eyebrows slightly thicker, fuller lips, and those eyes. They don't have quite the same intensity my Jenny had, though they're warmer, not particularly a bad trade-off. And of course, she's half a head shorter and her hair isn't dyed blonde nor pulled back into a utilitarian ponytail. But the way she's standing there, feet wide apart, hand cocked against one hip, head slightly tilted with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth as she gives me a small smile. That's pure Jennyness, right there, and it's almost as if I can feel my heart twitch in response to that essence of her.

When I last saw her, at The Doctor's funeral, she was still a seven-year-old girl. Still adorable and cute, however much she protested against the fact. This was a year ago. Now she looks like she's in her teens already, and I'm sure Apollo has had a good few things to say about the fact she seems to have sprouted so quickly AND taken up smoking, all quite probably at once.

"Hi Jenny," I reply, giving her a small nod of my head, before returning her smile. It is good to see her, though I fear the circumstances can't be good. Whatever happened must have done so recently, for Apollo had said nothing the last time he'd visited, a mere few days ago.

"So, yeah, turns out all that shit that happened that basically split us all apart, it's all that slimy fuck Henry Bendix's fault, and I'm getting everyone together on The Carrier to talk about what we do and don't know, and maybe just what we're going to do about all of it. Sound good?" Her words nearly trip over each other as she rushes to get them out. She seems... giddy. I can't say I'm much better. I sit here on the floor, legs crossed into the lotus position, but what I both want and fear doing is to run to her and bundle her up into my arms. I worry that if I do, I'll never let her go again.

"And how are you, Jenny?" I ask, keeping the smile on my face.

She pauses, completely caught off guard, before she laughs, a soft, lilting sound and I can't keep from gritting my teeth at the sound, hands grasping into fists hidden beneath folds of cloth. Too much, just... too much.

"You know, neither Apollo, nor Jack or Angie asked me how I'm coping with all of this. They all just seemed to assume I was fine. It's kinda nice to be asked. So, I'm good. It's weird, suddenly aging six years in an instant, I didn't even notice it happening, it's just what needed to be done, so I did it subconsciously. Everyone seems kind of unhappy about it, but there's not a whole lot they can do about it, and with all this Bendix crap going on too, there's bigger fish to fry at the moment. It's actually pretty cool being fourteen all of a sudden, I can get away with far more stuff I reckon, though I do keep getting shouted at for the fags. And the swearing."

Her voice is very Jenny, my Jenny. Curious really, being that she was born in Singapore, raised by Americans, and lived the last three years in America, and she still sounds so very English. Not in accent, but more in her tone and vocabulary.

"I see." This is stupid. She tells me that Bendix is alive and has been meddling with us for years, and I'm totally not paying any attention to that. She's not my Jenny and yet she is and she seems to be all those things that Jenny was that made me love her and she's fourteen years old and I need to stop being such a fucking idiot.


The Infinite City,
29th February, 2008:

This was a spectacularly bad idea on my part. I don't think I could have avoided it, not really, but still... really not a good idea to be here. I mean, this place is a veritable shrine of Jennyness. So many Jennies, so many reminders of all the things that were so special and dear to me about my Jenny. And she's here too, and I don't even dare look for her. I don't think I could bear to even see her, the state I'm in. I'd either kiss her or punch her, maybe even both, I don't know. I'd definitely cry though, I'm struggling not to as it is already.

Oh god, I can feel them. Her eyes on me. I'm looking down at my feet, not wanting to pay attention to the throng before me, in dread of what I know is about to happen. I could just get up and walk away, I know I could, but that intense gaze has me pinned to the spot. I can stall for all I want, but she won't be going anywhere. Slowly, I lift my head and our eyes meet across the crowded courtyard. I can see sadness there, surely a mirror of my own. I choke out a sob before swallowing it down, cutting it off before it got a chance to envelop me. I stand up from the steps I was sitting on and walk towards her. I take her hand and lead her away; she follows me mutely. Somehow I manage to guide us to a door marked with a golden lightning bolt upon it. Opening it with my free hand, I turn and back through the doorway, quickly pulling her through and into my arms.

She kicks the door closed behind her as our mouths meet, and I quickly push her up against it, hands tugging and pulling at her t-shirt as I lift it upwards. As I expose her breasts, I dip my head downwards, quickly ensnaring a nipple between my lips, my tongue rolling around the rapidly swollen nub. Fingers entwine in my hair as she moans out my name.

"Shen... Shen... we shouldn't do--" she cuts off with a gasp as I bite down upon her flesh. She makes fists into my hair before letting her hands drop to her sides. With soft touches of my fingertips tracing along her sides and back, I stand up straight, moulding my body against hers, my mouth so close to hers as I stare into her eyes.

"I need this Jenny. I need you so badly right now," I murmur breathily, tongue snaking out to run across her upper lip.

"This can't work. We can't..." she says, but I silence her with a finger resting across her lips.

"Hush baby, hush. Don't think, just... ah..." I moan a little, as she sucks my finger into her mouth. I can feel her tongue swirling around it as her arms come back up to loop around behind my back. I start easing the finger out, but she catches it between her teeth, grinning at me as I tug, but to no avail. Quickly my uncaptured hand rises and pinches the nipple I assaulted earlier, forcing a gasp from her. I snatch my finger out and grin before trailing the dampened finger down across her stomach, dipping underneath the waistband of her jeans, rubbing through short curls. Her hips jerk against me as I kiss her, deeper this time, tongues rubbing and soothing, teasing and touching. I fumble with the button of her jeans, before managing to pop it open. Yanking them down, I slip a finger inside, swallowing down the moan she makes as I quickly add in a second and then a third finger. Harder I deeper I thrust into her as she bucks and writhes against my hand.

"Oh fuck, Shen, fuck," she mutters against my lips. "Don't stop, god, don't."

"Never," I promise fervently, pressing my thumb against her clit, running round and round it as she grinds her hips against me, impaling herself ever deeper upon my fingers.

"Shen, Shen," she gasps, her voice becoming more and more breathy, ragged. "Shen, I'm, oh god, I'm ah..."

Her back arches sharply as she spasms around my fingers, my other arm quickly looping around her waist, holding her up as she shakes. "Fuck Shen," she finally says, "I really have missed you."

"No shit," I reply, kissing her softly as I ease myself out of her. She winces as I do so, but it passes quickly.

Her arms come around the back of my neck as she hooks one leg around me. "Bed," is all she says, looking up at me from beneath a hooded eyebrow. Scooping her up in my arms, hands cupping her buttocks, I spin and stagger quickly to the utilitarian cot, lowering her fan more gently than I had been treating her only moments before.

She still has her t-shirt on, albeit rolled up to her armpits, so I lift it over her arms, tossing it carelessly away. As I turn back to her, she grabs my hips with her knees and flips me over, onto my back. "My turn," she murmurs breathily into my ear, before catching the lobe between her teeth. Her arms slip between me and the mattress, moving to the row of hooks on the back of my top. Getting them undone, she pulls the top from me and pauses in surprise, staring at my bared chest, before looking back up at me. "They're new."

"Yeah, well," I laugh, as I reach up, taking the top from her hand and tossing it away like her t-shirt before. She cups first one, then the other, squeezing experimentally, rolling and hefting them in her hands, and I can't help but laugh even more.

"Not my fault I've never played with falsies before!" she pouts, before sniggering as well. "They're kinda weird aren't they? Almost like they're a bit too solid."

"I wouldn't really know," I reply. "I mean, I guess they are, but I got used to them quick enough. And it's not like I've played with anyone else's 'falsies' as you so delicately put it!"

"Do you, like, still have full feeling in 'em then?" she asks, idly rolling a nipple between thumb and forefinger, eliciting a small gasp from me. "Heh, guess that answers that question."

"Oh shut up and fuck me already, Jenny," I say, exasperated, reaching up and taking her head in my hands, pulling her down into a forceful kiss.

"Aye aye, ma'am!" she mutters as she slips a thigh between mine, pressing it against my centre. Her mouth trails across my jaw and to my neck, where she bites and sucks so hard, I know it'll leave a mark, but I don't care. My hands slip to her hips, pulling her harder against me as her fingers pinch and pull, massage and caress my breasts. Lips move down and then along my collar bone, tongue extending to trace around my body, slipping under, between and over my chest, teeth scraping across sensitive flesh, always just behind her fingers. Cupping one breast, she sucks as much of it into her mouth as she can, tongue lashing over the nub again and again. Her other hand comes downwards, grabbing at the shorts I'm wearing and tugging them down my legs, panties and all, shifting as she does so to slip them from my feet and then drops them upon the floor.

"Spread yourself for me," she says as she leans away from me, hand still squeezing my tit. I want to feel her touch so badly, I don't think twice about complying, setting my legs wide apart. She lowers her waist down between them, her free hand pushing on the mattress to steady herself as she holds herself centimetres above me.

"Please, Jen, please," I beg as I lift my hips upwards, trying desperately to connect with her, but she just lifts herself further away. I know I could just grab her and force her down into me, but I won't, I can't. I need her to do it. "Please baby, touch me," I pant.

She grins down at me, wolfishly, slowly licking her lips, and I can't help but mirror her action. "Jen, please, I need you so much, please."

"I know you do Li-Min, I can smell it. You reek of desire." I can feel myself quivering at her words, equal parts shame and lust. "You're dying for it, aren't you? You're begging for me to touch you, to fill you with my fingers, to run my tongue all throughout you, aren't you?" I nod, not even trusting myself to words anymore.

"Then you're going to absolutely hate me for this," she says, before getting off the bed, and disappearing into another room. For a moment I freeze, not believing what just happened at all, my body contorting into a bizarre arc, my legs shaking from the strain of holding my hips up into thin air. I can hear clanking noises coming from somewhere in Jenny's vague direction. My blood is still burning away inside, my cunt feeling so fucking hot and begging for some relief from the tension.

Letting out a huge breath, I sink back down into the mattress. God, I can't wait. Quickly, I slip my fingers downwards and inside, feeling my own slickness quickly coating them, mingling with Jenny's juices. My thumb runs in circles over my clit as my fingers work deeper inside. "Fucking hell Jenny! If you don't hurry with whatever you're doing, I am so going to off myself!"

"Get your hand out of your own snatch, you dirty little trollop!" she yells back, before giving a triumphant cry. "Genius!" She strides back into the room, holding something behind her back as I slow my strokes. "Film I saw once, several years ago. Before you were born actually. Last Tango in Paris." She moves her hands in front of her, clutching what appears to be a tub of something called Flora. Looking closer, I see it's some kind of butter. What that's doing in the Infinite City, I have no idea.

"What on earth is that for?" I ask, half-dreading the response.

"Well, I couldn't find any KY Jelly..."

"Jenny Sparks. Are you suggesting you want to stick your hand up my ass?"

"Oh don't be like that, you'll enjoy it, I know you will. And not my whole hand, just a few fingers." She pauses for a moment. "Unless you want my whole hand that is." I just stare at her in disbelief.

She sighs, and sits herself down between my legs, resting a hand upon my belly. "Look, do you trust me Shen Li-Min? I swear, if you don't like it, we'll just stop, and that'll be that, I promise you."

"...I'm not going to regret this, am I?" I ask, already kicking myself mentally.

She takes one my hands in hers and gives it a quick squeeze. "I guarantee you won't, love."

Grabbing the tub from where she set it down, she opens it up and dips the middle three fingers of her right hand in, scooping out a large chunk of pale yellow butter. Setting it aside once more, she works the butter around her fingers until they're slick and glistening. "Roll over for me love, will you?" I'm embarrassed as hell, but I comply, her left hand guiding me into the position she wants, by ass sticking up into the air. Her left hand trails over my back and along my spin, before running along the cleft of my buttocks, going over my anus. I let out an involuntary gasp as she does so, my hips twitching the second time she does it. The digit probes a bit harder the third time it makes a pass and I shudder a little. Suddenly something soft and wet drags across my asshole and I squeal, cranking my neck to an awkward angle to see Jenny grinning at me, her tongue hanging out, which she gives me a quick gesture with, before re-applying it to my rapidly puckering hole. Her left hand comes around to my thighs, pushing me up against her mouth as her tongue becomes more and more insistent in its movements, before-- Holy shit. Holy fucking... "Ooh, fuck..." She just stuck her tongue right in and oh shit that feels good. I moan out loud and I can hear her muffled laugh from behind me.

"Yeah, I knew you'd like that love. Fingers next." She sits up, and I can feel her moistness against the back of my legs moments before I feel the first one enter, going right up to the knuckle before coming back out almost as fast as it went in. A second time it goes in, this time twisting as it does, and I feel myself instinctively squeeze on it. It feels weird but good as she moves her finger in and out, moving it slightly differently each time. I let out a gasp when she slips the second one in, pushing harder, twisting faster as it plunges inside. I can hear the sound of her hand slapping against my flesh over the pants being torn from my throat.

I'm caught off guard when she rolls me over onto my back, fingers still inside my ass. She hooks my ankles around her neck, looping her left arm around my thighs as she resumes thrusting, staring me in the eyes. She's just as wired by all of this as I am I can see. My fists grip the sheets either side of me as the third finger joins in and I can't stop saying her name, like I'm chanting a mantra. And then her head is moving down between my thighs and her tongue flicks over my cunt and I start to thrust my hips against her. The palm of her left hand settles over my thatch as she spreads me open wide with her fingers, her tongue delving deep inside. I cross my ankles on her back as I grab her hair in my hands, thrashing wildly against her as every inch of me burns for her, the orgasm shuddering throughout my body.

As I fall loosely onto the mattress, she rests her head on my thigh, looking up at me for a few long moments, before rolling from the bed and walking away again. My legs are shaky beneath me, but I follow after her, padding silently along. She's at the sink, washing her hand off when I catch her in my arms, one hand cupping a breast, the other palming her mound. "I'm not done with you yet, baby. Can't have you being the only one with ideas," I murmur into her ear.

"We're not going to escape that bed, are we?" she asks, as I pull her back into the bedroom.

"Do you really want to?" I grin, making her laugh. I toss her onto the bed, quickly straddling her as I lean in for a kiss. There's a weird taste, not unpleasant, but I can't place it until she starts laughing even harder at my expression, which makes me start giggling as well. I sit up and reach behind me, grabbing the tub of butter; thankfully it's mostly full, so I don't think there's any worry of running out. I scoop some out and briefly rub it between my fingers, watching how it melts and slickens. I see her watching me with interest, and I reach out the oozing fingers, rubbing them into a breast. I scoop more out, warming it between my fingers quickly, spreading it over her body, gently rubbing and kneading it into her skin, a shiny gloss remaining where I've been.

I shiver a bit at the cold fingertips daubing at my stomach but as the hand retreats I catch it, clamping it back to the flesh of my belly. We continue on in silence until we're both totally covered in the oily substance; our fingertips trail lazily over each other as I feel that low thrumming pulse from my centre. My hands move down to her thighs as I ease them apart, tracing circles on the smooth skin. I slip a thigh between hers, pulling gently on her hips, as I slide myself along her body, pressing myself as tightly against her as I can whilst our legs interlock. I lower myself down onto her, covering her body with mine. I grind my centre against hers slowly, letting out a soft whimper as she grabs hold of my ass, kneading it in her hands. We slide together so easily it seems natural, her breathing deepening with mine. I pinch her peaks between my fingers, rolling them back and forth before enveloping them with my mouth.

I pull her up against my body into a sitting position, hooking a leg around her like she has one around me, a hand snaking down to clasp a buttock, pulling her deep against me. She loops her arms around my neck as she starts to thrust as well. Her teeth graze against my neck, biting in as we move together and I cry out, clutching her harder to me. Then I'm on my back before I realise and she's squirming between my legs, pushing as hard as she can against me, her tongue lashing at my nipples, her name on my lips as I mumble it over and over again. I growl as I feel fingers enter me and I reciprocate, squirming my way inside her too. And then suddenly she's scrambling to one side and reaching underneath the bed. She pulls out a box and quickly finds just what she was after, coming back up with a foot long dildo. She has it inside herself before I can say anything, and then she'd plunging inside me and oh god, it's so big, and she thrusts against me and I move with her, our hips rocking together as she moves harder and deeper within me.

I turn her over, kneeling above her, my hips twitching along her length, sliding up and down it, feeling it fill me. Her hands are on my hips, rocking me back and forth her head moving upwards to bury itself between my breasts, tongue lapping away at the flesh there as I cling her to me. I arch backwards, my hands propping me up behind me on the mattress, her hands coming up to cup my breasts, grinding them together as we push further and further together. I'm crying out her name now, it's all I can say, and the only words coming from her lips are a string of expletives as we rock against each other. Our mouths meet, silencing us except for escaping moans and cries as she pushes and pushes until I'm on my back again and she seizes me by the hips and thrusts away as fast as she can, and now she's screaming my name and I'm screaming hers as she plunges deeper and deeper until I feel my entire body shaking against hers, together with hers and its burning all through me and its burning all through her and we can't do anything more than collapse into each others arms and pant each others names.

I think I drift out of consciousness at some point, because the next thing I know is she's giving me this scarey-eyed look, like she's terrified of me, and I have no idea why, which scares me even more. Jenny Sparks isn't scared of anything or anyone.

"W--what?" I stammer, reaching out a hand to cup her cheek. She almost flinches, I can see it. And I know exactly what I must have done. "I said it didn't I? I said I love you."

She looks away, and suddenly I'm so fucking angry with her. I turn her head to face me, seizing her lips with my own, pushing her down onto the mattress, pinning her arms above her head. "Fuck you Jenny Sparks," I growl into her mouth. "I've never asked anything of you that you didn't want too. I love you, and that's all there is to it. I'm not asking you to love me back. I'm not asking you to try and make this work, because I already know it won't, you stupid bitch. You died on me, you left me alone. Eight fucking years without you there by my side! Eight years having never told you I loved you! Eight years knowing I'd been a damn coward! And I know it's too late for any of the things I'd hoped for back then, but I can at least tell you that I love you, that I've always loved you and I will always love you, Jenny Sparks."

I let go of her arms and storm through the front door and out into the street. I don't give a shit that I'm completely naked, or still all shiny and smelly from stuff, I just have to get the hell away from that fucking bitch. It only stings for a moment, and then I'm gone, in the air and far away from where she can reach me. I let the tears fall unabated as I soar through what they call a sky in this crazy dreamscape of Jenny's; Quantum, not Sparks. The air is chill upon my skin, but it's reassuring in a way. I have to slow myself down though, since I am without goggles to shield my eyes. Below, I spy a seemingly unattended lake, and I suddenly feel the need to cleanse myself. I dive, arcing through the water almost as well as I do the sky, if I say so myself. My wings always feel weird when they're underwater, the way each and every feather suddenly clings together, instead of the degree of separation they normally have. It works though, in a way, I can use them as giant fins. My lung capacity is fairly good as well; when flying at high speed, it's really quite hard to breathe, so I tend to hold my breath for long periods, slowing down briefly to fill my lungs again. It's a fairly neat side effect of my powers, I guess, combined with the increased strength and healing.

Lazily, I breast stroke towards the lake edge, the water pouring from my body and wings as I emerge from the water. I shiver a little in the breeze before flexing my wings, shaking what loose water from them I can. I could just remove them, but since I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, completely naked, I figure I should keep them on for the moment.

I stagger backwards a few steps, ankle deep into the water, as something fluffy smacks me in the face. Catching it as it slips down my body, I realise it's a towel. My head flicks up and I see Jenny standing there, smiling at me a bit sheepishly, though her eyes are averted.

...Quantum, not Sparks. I can see this getting really confusing.

"How did you find me?" I ask as I walk back out of the lake, starting to towel off my arms.

"You were broadcasting," she blushes.

"Broad... oh shit. How long?"

"I don't know. I was trying to get drunk at the time, so I wasn't paying much attention. I only really caught the tail end of you shouting at Jenny Sparks and storming out of her place."

"Wait, you mean it wasn't Angie's nanotech you caught me over?" I pause in my efforts to dry myself off, surprised by this.

"Air displacement. I control all Jenny-reality, and this is Jenny Central, so I can control pretty much everything here. So I can sense everything here too. Wasn't trying to, wasn't even sure I could, just the beer loosening me up I guess. So I actually heard you shouting at her, not the telepathy."

"You are one scary teenager, Jenny," I smile before rubbing at my hair with the towel. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see her staring at me. For a moment I think I've offended her, but I notice the growing blush in her cheeks, and I realise just why she's staring. It's... amusing. She's only fourteen, or even eight (which she was, only a fortnight ago, something which scares the crap out of me when I think about it), if you look at it that way, and yet even in the short time I've known her since she reappeared in my life, she's always seemed so mature. And now she seems to be acting far more like her age.

I can't help it really, teasing her is a bit too easy. I bend over at the waist, running the towel slowly up first one leg and then the other. I see her lick her lips, unconsciously, fingers idly tracing on her upper thighs whilst her thumbs are 'casually' tucked into the pockets of her jeans. As I work the towel further up my body, I keep discreetly watching her. She doesn't realise that she's panting, her breath ragged as her eyes run all over my naked form.

"You want to touch me," I murmur, and she nods before she even realises what she's doing.

"Shit!" she shouts, and quickly turns away from me, grabbing a packet of cigarettes from a back pocket and lighting one up.

I struggle to keep myself from laughing, before walking up behind her and enveloping her in my arms. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Jenny. I am oh so very sexy." Her body is tense, but quickly relaxes, as she tries to turn in my arms, but I keep her held firmly facing away from me. "But this isn't going to happen. You don't know me, I don't know you, and frankly, neither of us are in a fit state to do anything of this sort. You're drunk and I'm strung out. You're underage and I really don't fancy having both of your dads beating the crap out of me for taking advantage of you." She starts to object, but I cut her off. "Even if you don't see it that way, they will. To Apollo, you're still eight, and as far as Midnighter's concerned, you're still five. It will not go well for me. Trust me when I say that if we do this, it will be something that we will both regret."

I turn her around, my arms looping around her waist. "I am very flattered by all of this, don't think I'm not. You're cute, you're smart, and you're brave. And yet, even if you were old enough, this would still be a mistake right now. I'm just... messed up in the head. I don't think I could do string-free right now, and an actual relationship is the last thing I want. So just... I don't know. This isn't a bad thing. Nothing that's just happened is a bad thing."

"So..." she mumbles into my shoulder. "What now then? Do we just forget this?"

"Forget it? No, we learn from it. You learn timing, and I learn... uh... okay, so I'm not really learning anything from this, but still, you get what I mean, don't you?"

She leans back a bit, looking up slightly at me. She isn't that much shorter than me, only half a head or so. Her lips are soft against mine as she stands on tiptoes to reach my mouth. She wobbles for a moment before I catch her and hold her in place, crushed against me, taking the kiss deeper. She parts her lips in a moan against my mouth and I take the opportunity, my tongue slipping inside, teasing and stroking hers. She responds in kind, though somewhat less certain in her actions as I am; she's a fast study though.

It's only when she needs to breathe that she breaks away from me, trembling a little bit. "Woah. Okay. That was so totally better than when Rose Tattoo kissed me. Maybe girls aren't quite so bad at kissing."

"Not quite so bad? I'm pretty awesome, thank you very much!" I laugh, hugging her to me briefly. "I owed you at least that much though for the merciless teasing. Any chance of a lift back to the Carrier? To be honest, I want to go sleep for the next week."

She looks at me weird, before her face pales. "Hey, hey, don't worry about it," I quickly reassure her. "I told you, nothing bad has happened here, you haven't done anything wrong. I could have pushed you away or anything, so don't go feeling bad about it. Drop me off at the Carrier and then get back to Angie, I'm sure she's wondering where you've gotten to."

"What about Jenny though? Don't you want to try and talk to her about... well, I don't know. Whatever it is you two need to talk about."

"No." My voice is hard now, cold, and she flinches in response. "I've said what I needed to. There's no point for the two of us to drag this farce out any further. Besides," and now I laugh, "one Jenny is already nearly more than I can handle."

"Well, if you're sure." She sounds somewhat uncertain, even though she's smiling.

I'm feeling pretty weak by the time we finally arrive back at the Carrier. I give her a quick peck on the cheek before she disappears again, and then I slump my way into my old bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. I don't want to think about any of today's crap, I just want to sleep, and dream it all away...


The Carrier,
14th April, 2008:

A month and a half ago, I'd have put money on this being the other way around. Which, I guess, is par for the course when it comes to me. She's the teenager, the one who's supposed to struggle with her feelings. I don't much like admitting it, but I'm in my thirties now, I'm no spring chicken. Ha. Ha. I'm not supposed to be utterly infatuated like this.

And I'm not even sure that it's really her that I'm so caught up in. I look at her, and there's so much of Jenny Sparks in her, the things that made me fall in love with her, the things that drove me completely up the wall, the things that caused me to just wrap her up in my arms and hold her close. And then I wonder if I was ever in love with Jenny Sparks or just Jennyness in general. I mean, when I was in the Infinite City for that party, all of those Jenny's, and they were similar, there's no doubting it. You could see differences in how they acted, but there was most definitely just an air of Jennyness to all of them. Mannerisms and affectations, that warm brusqueness and that aching vulnerability when they don't think anyone's looking.

But maybe it wasn't really any of those that made me fall for her. Maybe it's just because she was there when I needed someone to be there in my life. My pacifism falling to pieces around me, the amount of blood I had to shed whilst I was in Stormwatch, all of the things I had wished I could do for this world all being shot down in flames. I still remember the first man I killed, a terrorist from somewhere in the Middle-East, I never did find out where. It was the only way to save Longshot's life, but it was still blood on my hands. And then Henry Bendix turned everything on its head and there we were, me, Jenny and Jack, hidden away in Stormwatch Black. I got fully activated and spent the next few weeks in Skywatch's medbay, and then our little squad got going.

It's funny actually, whilst Bendix was still in charge, I didn't kill anyone again. Bendix shows what a total lunatic he is, Jackson King takes his place, and my body count soars. What it was really was though, was necessary. I hated it so much, but it had to be done. And the three of us always kept an eye out for each other. When one faltered, the others helped. She was there for me, time and time again. Maybe that was why I fell in love with her, and I'm just imprinting that upon the younger Jenny.

We've just come back from wiping the floor with slave traders working in several fallen Soviet states, just something to pass the time with really. I could have done it by myself, but she had nothing else to do and so tagged along. We freed the slaves they were then holding, taking them back to their individual homes via the Carrier's doors, and then making sure both the local authorities and UN offices got copies of any paperwork we could find, so any necessary mopping up would be done in our absence.

It's weird how grown up she can be one moment, and then she acts more like the fourteen-year-old she is the next. She stretches her arms out above her head, leaning first to the left and then to the right, giving a little satisfied hum that makes me twitch in a way I really wish I didn't. Shaking my head, I push it all to one side as best I can. "I'm going to go take a shower. Too much blood and bone all over me."

"See, that's the great thing about being me, I don't get all icky when I make people go splat," she grins, facing me as she walks away backwards.

"Yeah, yeah," I say, watching her as she turns and moves into the common room.

Two months, that's all it's been. She was the one who was awkward around me, and now it's all been turned around. Inside my room, I crick my neck to one side as my wings drop off, before gathering them up and sticking them in the garbage bag. I give them to our new Doctor, let him use them as fertiliser for the various bizarre crops he grows about the place. Apparently they're quite good for it, so I figure I shouldn't waste them. I quickly pull off my top and pants, tossing them to one side as I head into the nook housing the shower unit Angie installed in every living chamber. Hot water pummels down on me, soaking up all the stress and tension from my body as I lean forwards against a wall. Some aches and pains never go away though, niggling injuries that have never really healed right from the so very many fights over the years. Being smashed out of the air by the renegade Doctor, having that midget explode in my face, being held captive and tortured for a week... no, some wounds never heal. Maybe I should get the cute new Doctor to heal the physical ones, at least.

Arms slip around my waist and I jerk in shock. Breasts rub against my back as soft lips press briefly between my shoulder blades.

"We can't do this Jenny," I say, not turning around. I don't dare. I can feel her skin against mine and my knees feel weak, and I know if I turn around and see her, I won't be able to help myself.

I want to turn around, but I'm terrified of it as well.

"You want me, I know you do," she whispers, and I shiver slightly. "And we both know I want you. So why not?"

"Because you're only fourteen." I try to keep my voice calm, keeping the emotion out of it.

"So?" She actually laughs this time, a soft sound that warms me. "If that's your only reason, I can make myself twenty in a few seconds."

"No!" I cry out, spinning around to face her with such speed, she flinches back. "What about your childhood? You've already been forced to miss out six years because of that asshole Bendix. What about the rest of your teens? You want to skip out on all the good things you can only do because you're kid? That's... sad. I didn't have much of a childhood, growing up in an oppressed Tibet. But you can be anything you want, do anything you want, you've got so much in front of you--" She silences me with two fingers pressed softly against my lips.

"And all I want right now is you, Shen Li-Min." She traces those fingers over my lips as she continues. "Would it really be so bad if we were to do this?"

"I can't, I can't be responsible for this. I can't... this is wrong. I can't be your first..."

"Would you rather I gave it up to some stupid teenage boy who doesn't have a clue what he's doing? Someone who's really only trying to get themselves off, not giving a shit about me? Or would you rather I was with someone who'd treat me right, someone who'd make it special for me? Like I know you would?"

"That's not fair, you can't..."

"I want it to be you Shen." She stretches upwards, her hands linking behind my neck as she presses herself against me, her lips so close to my own. "It has to be you."

I'm weak. I used to have such hopes and dreams, but I failed them all because I was weak. And even though I know this is wrong, I can't help myself. Because I'm weak.

I rest my hands upon her hips as I close in that last little bit of distance to bring my lips to hers. Her mouth opens in invitation, which I quickly accept, my tongue swirling around hers. I need her so badly. I turn us around, pushing her up against the wall as I squeeze myself between her legs. I grip her tightly as I grind my centre against hers, desperate, aching so much for her. I can taste her, I can smell her, I can feel her. And I don't know who it is that I'm making love to anymore.

I open my eyes and take a step backwards, away from her, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "No."

Her eyes flicker open and she stares at me. There's a confused look on her face, a scared look in her eyes. "No?"

"No. I'm not doing this. It's not right."

"But..." the expression on her face makes me ache, but I can't allow myself to crumble on this.

"I will not make... will not have sex with a fourteen-year-old girl. It's just not going to happen. I know you can make yourself whatever age you want to be, but I really don't think you should. Of course, you don't have to listen to me, but still, I'd like to think you'd at least consider my opinion in this.

"I have these feelings for you, strong feelings. And I'm not trying to ignore them, believe me. But that's the question that's been nagging away at me. Is it really you I feel these things for, or is it just the similarities between you and Jenny Sparks? Or is it not you or even her specifically, but just the whole Jennyness thing that I have these feelings for? Until I know that, I can't move forwards with this.

"I'm getting old. OK, so being in the early thirties is far from the end of the world, but I am most definitely getting older. All this that's been hanging between the three of us lately, it's got me thinking. I've been around the block a hell of a lot of times, quite a number of affairs, trysts and flings, but I've only ever had one serious relationship.

"After Jenny died and we rescued you from Dr. Krigstein, I had nothing but time really, time to think. I'd spent the last year pining over her ending our relationship, and then she was gone completely. And she knew, I swear, she knew. I felt betrayed by her. And in the eight years since then, I haven't tried a single relationship, not once. Now, I guess with what happened in the Infinite City, I got some closure on that chapter of my life. I don't want to be this party animal anymore, someone who's known for sleeping around. I don't want my life to be just about saving the world and lots of cheap fucks. I want something more from it all. I want to go out into the world and find someone I can spend the rest of my life with. I don't know, this is all crazy. Maybe you are that person, my special someone. Or maybe it was Jenny. I have no idea. But either way, I just can't do this."

She stares at me for a long while, her eyes watering slightly, before she blinks a few times to rid herself of the imminent tears, and then smiles up at me. "You could have just said no. Would have been a lot quicker."

"We're the Authority Jenny," I say with a wry smile. "We don't do things the quick way, we do them the right way. Come on, let's get out of here before we get all wrinkly."

I take her hand and lead her away, the shower automatically switching itself off with no one in range. We sit in front of the giant windows, which make up an entire wall, her between my legs, staring out at the Earth as it rotates before us. I pat at her skin with a towel, trying not to be too hard on her skin. It's intimate, but strangely not erotic, like I've firmly drawn that line and won't cross it again. The air between us is suddenly comfortable again, and nothing else much really matters right now. I like it that way.


Existence,
23rd July, 2008:

Worldstorm is here.