FicWad

Edward Elric was unhappy. Of all the ways to pass the day, sitting half-naked in a cold white room being poked, probed, and who knew what else by doctors for an half hour wasn't on the top of his 'to do' list.

In fact, it was pretty low on that list. It landed somewhere between drinking milk and getting kicked in the nuts.

And since it was so very low on that list, he had felt justified to push it aside to make room for more important things for a while...'a while' being defined as six weeks past the due date for his required annual physical.

While Fullmetal's lack of concern to fulfill that requirement in a prompt fashion didn't bother Colonel Roy Mustang in the least(it gave him an excuse to avoid filling out any paperwork involving such issues), it did bother Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, since it prevented her from filling out any paperwork involving such issues.

So, after much debate and a few warning shots, he had found himself escorting the young alchemist to the doctor's office.

He managed the feat while only suffering mild injuries and would have been able to leave after a few stitches if it weren't for Edward's multiple escape attempts.

Honestly, one would think the boy would know by now that there was no escaping Roy Mustang once you were caught. But, since he didn't seem to have learned that lesson yet, the colonel found himself spending his afternoon sitting in a cold white room with a young, unhappy, half-naked blonde.

He could think of worse ways to pass the day, though it probably would be a bit more interesting if he was the one doing the poking, probing and who knew what else...

That dirty little image triggered a smile on the dark-haired man's lips which immediately caught the blonde-haired boy's attention.

"No," the blonde stated firmly and crossed his arms, glare intensifying to what would have been considered scary if he wasn't sitting half-naked in just a pair of boxers. "I hate you. I don't care what you're thinking. The answer is no."

With a raised eyebrow and a growing smirk, Mustang couldn't help but chuckle. "My, my, Fullmetal. If I didn't know any better I'd say you didn't trust me. Besides... what would I do in a doctor's office?"

"I don't trust you and I don't want to know what you'd do in a doctor's office because I know you're a pervert," he snapped in return.

Faking a sigh, the colonel made his way across the room to lean against the examination table Edward was seated on and casually picked up a red lollipop that had been abandoned on a nearby counter.

"I'm hurt," he said and unwrapped the sucker and ran his tongue over the sweet treat briefly before continuing. "I would never do anything inappropriate in a place of business."

"Oh, yeah right. Like I'd believe that. Now give me back my damned candy."

Side-stepping the young alchemist's attempt to reclaim the candy, Roy chuckled and took another quick lick.

"Why would I give it back, Fullmetal? You've been nothing but a little pain all day, I truly don't think you deserve it..."

"Who are you calling so small that he's got to take his shots with a stick pin?!"

The older man grinned around the lollipop.

"I didn't go that far, Fullmetal. But, that rant of yours just helps to prove my point. Only good children get rewarded with lollipops," he pointed out, eyes hooded and words slightly muttered due to the candy.

"NO! Nononononono! Do NOT get started with that pedo kink of yours now! I've been stabbed with like, a hundred needles today and I don't feel like dealing with your shit."

"Fullmetal, you wound me." He sighed and tapped the sticky candy against the boy's lip, licking his own lips as he watched a pink tongue dart out to clean away the stickiness. "I said I wouldn't do anything inappropriate for a doctor's office and I mean it..."

"Really?"

"Yes...really..." he whispered before tackling Edward down hard against the examination table and claiming his lips with his own.

It took a moment for the blonde to regain his sense and fight to push the heavier man off, but he only succeeded in breaking the kiss.

"What the fuck?!" he hissed. "You practically fucking promised you wouldn't try anything, so get the fuck off of me, you pervert!"

"I said I wouldn't do anything unbefitting for a doctor's office..." he said, pausing long enough to enjoy Ed's 'you're crazy' face. "So, let's play doctor."

Edward attempted to protest but before words could escape his mouth Roy was latched onto his pulse, biting more than kissing and he couldn't help but arch towards the slight pain and the soft tongue that eased the nips moments later.

A few gasps escaped past his lips before he managed to utter a light protest. "Shit, Roy...the doctor could be back any second now...knock it - " He gasped again. " - off..."

"He's running blood tests...he won't be back anytime soon... So just sit back, relax, and say 'ahhh...'"

Biting down lightly on his lover's neck, he slid the cherry-flavored sucker into his mouth and leaned down to claim a few more shallow kisses tainted with the overly sweet flavor before dragging it out from between their joined lips and dragging it over the boy's chin and throat, leaving a sticky trail to follow with his tongue.

Edward squirmed against the warm mouth and curled his flesh hand in dark hair as Roy worked his way down his body and toward a perky pink nipple that he was currently circling with the cherry-flavored sweet.

After what felt to Ed like an eternity of teasing and playful bites, Mustang latched onto that nipple and licked and sucked away the sugary substance with skill that would have made even the most practiced prositute envious.

To Ed's teenage hormones it felt beyond good and he found himself not caring as Roy's thumb caught at the top of his boxers and dragged them down over his hips, revealing his hardening erection.

He'd been naked in front of an old man most of the day anyway, so what difference would spending a few more minutes in the nude for a different 'old' man make?

"Shit..." he muttered between soft moans. "Hurry up, you bastard colonel...finish what ya started already."

"I'm planning on giving you a complete examination, Fullmetal, so you'll have to be patient." He grinned against the boy's chest before scooting down some to come face to face with an area of higher interest.

He took a second to lap up a few drops of precome running down the blonde-haired boy's length before popping the lollipop back into his mouth momentarily to cover the bitter taste and cupping a hand between his lover's legs and gently messaging his balls.

Soon his lover was moaning and groaning and he couldn't help but look up to watch Ed's pleasure-filled face as he ran along his fellow alchemist's private areas, enjoying every second of it until he saw golden eyes shoot open and a mutter of 'oh shit' at the sound of the door opening.

He quickly pulled his hand away and Edward sat up in a rush, knocking him in the jaw painfully with his metal knee, and risked a guilt-filled glance over his shoulder at the elderly doctor behind him.

The startled doctor handled the situation pretty well, all things considered, but quickly drew his focus away from the two blushing men and glanced down at the forms in his hands.

"Errr...Well..." he said, clearing his throat. "I was coming to inform you that the blood tests all came up negative, and to let you know that you are perfectly healthy, and ask if you had any questions regarding the matter before you left... but instead, I think I shall simply ask you to get dressed while I go and fetch some pamphlets on safe sex, as well as some condoms. I'll be back in a few moments..." And without another word, he rushed out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Edward banged his head against the wall behind him and let out a miserably embarrassed groan.

"I sooooo hate you."

"Yes, I know." Mustang informed him with a shrug before casually plopping down into a nearby chair and popping the lollipop back in between his smirking lips.