Categories > Anime/Manga > Gravitation
No Way Out
When the illness wins over, the only thing remaining is to accept the thought of losing your beloved one. Eiri/Shu. One shot.
?Blocked
Before starting with the story, I wanted to ask for an advise which shrift to use in Microsoft document, so that when posting on this site, the site's text programm wouldn't change apostrophes and inverted commas into numbers, e.g. He's -> He’s . I tried using Notepad .txt, but it's the same, and I had to correct everything manually. I'd appreciate any advice.
And now on with the story.
Author: Vialia
Disclaimer: I do not own "Gravitation" and I don't make any monetary profit from using its characters.
Warning: If the death of one of the main Gravi characters bothers you in any way, please do not read further.
Author's Note: Even though a timeline isn't important for this one-shot story, I imagine this situation to happen about 10 years after Eiri and Shu were living together, after the vows, equal to the official marriage, have been exchanged between each other. The whole one-shot is written in Eiri's eyes.
A sincere thank you to /ffpanda/, who offered her help to and made this story easier to read.
Word Count: 2569.
No Way Out
I slowly direct my eyes from the blurred silhouette of my mother-in-law sitting across from me to the frail person lying in this white hospital bed. As Shuichi tiredly speaks, taking his time to slowly breathe in after every couple of words, my mind registers what he's saying to all of us and I finally hear the first sobs his sister was trying to hold. Noriko's muffled sobs echoes and I hear a barely audible whisper of a familiar name "Tohma...", followed by a slight shuffle of feet - my sister asking for a comfort in her husband's arms. My mother-in-law is the only one of the women in this room who somehow manages to stay strong for his son, gently stroking his hand. Only her soft voice answers to her son's spoken last will, even though silent tears flows down her cheeks while listening and answering.
"I hold your promise... to continue with music..." Shuichi whispers to his friends, "When you're ready." He finally adds after a couple of seconds of respite.
Even at this moment he can't forget his first love, his passion thanks to which we met each other. Only Ryuichi and Hiroshi trust their voices to answer him shortly that they will. I blink away the tears to look at his beautiful face as I realize...
That's it. The moment I dreaded for so long and refused to believe in has finally come. He said good-bye to both our families, to our friends...
"We will hold our promise, Shuichi-san, you can be sure of that." My best friend answers calmly for all. At this moment I envy Tohma for his inflexible stamina. He manages to stay strong in front of my lover, although I saw my brother-in-law hopelessly slump many times into the chair when his efforts to find a way out were in vain.
"Thank you." Shuichi breathes out, relieved, and I smile inwardly hearing his voice for the first time this day. His beautiful voice is almost like it was before the illness reduced it to a mere whisper.
I gently squeeze his warm hand between mine when it seems that my lover stays silent for too long. Fear grips me when he doesn't respond and a painful thought crosses my mind that those might have been his last words. My breath hitches as I squeeze his hand tighter.
...I don't want to let him go. Not yet.
I blink, my body frozen, the tears finally spill, burning my cheeks while rolling down. As my vision clears, I breathe a quiet sigh of relief seeing my lover still breathing slowly and silently.
...I wish I could give him my strength so he could live. I don't care for how long, just longer than these couple of minutes he has left, longer than this cursed day.
A delicate squeeze of my hand alarms my attention and I quickly focus on his face, in time to see his head move an inch towards my direction. His eyes flutters, yet it seems he can't find the strength to open them. I must bitterly accept that it was yesterday when I saw his eyes focus on me for the last time.
...I want to see them again so badly.
"Eiri..." he whispers my name softly, his lips barely moving. I ignore the sobs around us, wishing we could be alone. We both feel the best when the two of us are alone.
He looks so fragile. I feel the surging need to take him in my arms and repeat that everything is going to be alright, that we'll get through this, that we'll find the cure. That we just need a little more time. We've been telling this to each other for the last half of the year, or has it been already a year, or more? The days fly by so fast... since the day he came home in tears to tell me the doctors diagnosed him suffering from an incurable deadly illness.
I squeeze his hand back to let him know I hear when he whispers my name for the second time. I notice it's fainter than the previous time, my mind registering that the time slips by in seconds and I can do nothing about it.
It's too soon, I'm not ready. I need more time.
I lean to him when my vision blurs completely. Pressing to his side I hide my face from everyone's eyes, pressed between the side of his head and the white pillow. I inhale deeply trying to stop my tears, but it's in vain. It seems I can't control them anymore while they wet the fabric. I inch my face to his hair as close as possible and bring my hand to the other side of his face. He doesn't respond to my touch and doesn't lean into my hand. It's okay though. I'm content to just lie here, having him beside me, hearing him breath. I would give anything to know it would last.
I hear my mother-in-law inhale shakily, but she still holds herself together. Seconds later she slowly whispers loving words to her son. His sister sobs uncontrollably, muffling her cries as best as she can, her husband's quiet whispers trying to soothe her. She whispers something, but the words are lost between the hiccups and sobs.
...So much to say, but so little time.
I want to take him home, where he's no one's but mine, where we both feel safe, where no one can harm him. I nuzzle his ear, savoring the moment of our closeness. The act is so simple, yet it calms my senses greatly. I can barely trace his unique smell, the sterile hospital smell almost overpowering it. So much time was spent in various hospitals... A soft squeeze of my hand brings me back before I drift off to the musings of our past.
"It's okay..." he whispers. It's so weak and I'm sure anyone else but me can hear it. The thought only fuels my tears to gather again. Why is he strong for me when I should be the one supporting him?
"Idiot." I utter the first thing that comes to my mind, my voice thick with emotion. I brush my lips against his cheek. His skin is so soft. I don't want to lose all this... "Stay with me." I whisper into his ear.
I want to hear he somehow miraculously will get through this. I want to wake up from this damned nightmare... But it's impossible, my mind tells me, no matter how much I want to hear the opposite.
I close my eyes and stay silent, listening to his slow breathing. In a moment of deceptive quiet it seems as if everything is alright, as if I would hold him in my arms just like the old times, when he would come to me looking for a silent comfort after a particularly hard day from work.
"I'm sorry..." he speaks suddenly.
I lift my head, alarmed by his apology. Why is he using so much energy just to say this to us? I glance at his mother reassuring him that he has nothing to apologize for. I notice her voice quiver and hear her husband finish the sentence for her, while she wipes the tears with the free hand. She's on the verge of breaking. A cold shudder runs down my spine, constricting my breathing. I whisper his name in question and repeat it louder when it's left unnoticed, squeezing his hand this time, probably stronger than I should.
Why don't you answer me?
"Uesugi-san..." he calls for my father standing silently behind me all this time, barely saying a word.
No. My heart starts to race realizing the meaning. This is it. He's asking my father to say the prayer for the dying person.
...He's ready to go. 'It's too soon!', my mind screams. I need more time
Everything happens so fast. I hear the shuffle of feet, the sobs increase, and the always confident steps of my father stop near the foot of the bed. I look at Shuichi's face while gently brushing my hand against his cheek... I open my mouth to whisper my last thoughts to him when his sister nearly shouts that Shuichi should always remember how much he is loved. I close my eyes for a moment, hearing his parents say almost the same, fighting against the overwhelming sensations...
...It's unreal. It's a nightmare with the same end I had dreamed for so many times this past year. However, Shuichi always woke me up, he always did...
My father's strong voice overpowers the sobs of the others as he speaks the words he already knows by heart. He was always a priest first, managing to perfectly hide his emotions...
I catch my breath, immediately noticing Shuichi's weak hold on my hand go limp. A barely audible, soft exhalation...
I stay silent, still holding his hand, looking at his slightly opened lips. For a brief second it seems as if the time itself has stopped, leaving me numb. I still expect him to breathe in, any second now, any second...
The spell is instantly broken by the heartbreaking sobs and weeps of a mother who just lost her child before her eyes. All the voices, it's like a blur, leaving nothing but an increasing heaviness inside.
I take in a slow breath trying to calm my shallow breathing. I feel like I'm starting to suffocate. Releasing his hand, I place it carefully next to his side on the white blanket and lean in over his face. I close my eyes to stop the tears dripping down on his black hair and press my lips to his forehead.
...This is the last time I can feel him, can kiss him. This is my goodbye.
I pull up, my eyes fixed only on him, my eyes running over every curve of his beautiful features. I wipe away the tears from his closed eyes. It takes only a second to listen to my father's words and glance at my father-in-law holding his sobbing wife...
I step back, my vision starting to blur again, and quickly move towards the door, I move past my brother, past Shuichi's manager and the doctor, trying my best to ignore the stifling voices, everything. I need to get out of here. I blink away the tears once I step into the corridor.
The elevator... Yes... I need to get there... To my car... I clench my teeth feeling the lump in my throat increase immensely within a second as I try to will my feet to move. I still can hear my father's voice and the sobs. Damn it...
"Uesugi-san..." the familiar voice startles me, bringing back from my stupor.
I tense up, composing myself as best as I can. I entirely forgot our bodyguards and all the other Tohma hired for the family and friends a while ago, after the cursed nurse leaked the information about Shuichi's rapidly worsening condition to the media. Ignoring the blurring vision, I glance at the one of the two bodyguards who called me, then at the another one, standing in my way towards the elevator. They guarded us both, Shuichi and me. And now...
I fist my hands turning away from them. I don't need them. I don't need anyone anymore.
"You're fired." Walking away I state coldly to both of them. Over the years, I've said those words probably more than I should have, though this time Shuichi won't be beside me to convince me to change my mind.
I disregard the compassion they express to me and quicken my pace towards the nearest exit, the stairway. I walk past the nurse who gasps and freezes in her steps, recognizing me. She hurries to give her condolences to which I don't give a damn about. The small group of young doctors stop talking as they notice me passing them. I hear one of them speak quietly, "It's over..." and another hush him. I clench my teeth taking in a shuddering breath.
Why can't you people just shut up and leave me alone?!
I knock open the exit door with all my strength, causing it to hit the wall with a loud bang. I turn and fling them shut equally strong after I exit, the bang echoing through the floors of the stairway. For a brief moment the echo replaces the sobs which still continue to resound in my ears. I rest my back against the closed door, with my hand brushing through my disheveled hair. My instincts tell me that I have to compose myself, and I'm trying... I slide towards the side of the door until my shoulder hits the wall. I rest my head against it.
"It's okay." I whisper his last words spoken to me.
Seconds later tears spill down my cheeks, cooling them while I glide down to the floor. How can it be ok? The day I dreaded for so long has come. I refused to believe it would come, we both stubbornly did. This belief was the only thing that kept us going. Yet in the end, it was pointless. I'm still left alone.
I am cursed... Bound to always see the person I care about die in front of my eyes.
I hold my head in my hands, trying to even my out breathing out. I recall what he told me yesterday, and the day before yesterday and the day before... I want to remember everything, even if it's a small and insignificant detail. Everything seems so important now, so precious. Each smile, each look, each word... And he made me promise so many things. Will I be able to keep all those promises I gave to him? Maybe I shouldn't have made them...
I tense up, hearing the door near me slowly open. I don't lift my head to see who it is. If it's some idiot who'll express how sorry he is for my loss, I swear, I'm going to snap for real.
...Just leave me alone. All of you.
"Eiri..." the sorrowful voice startles me.
Tatsuha. How did he find me here? I bite my lip so that my shallow breathing wouldn't be as noticeable. Does he want to console me by feeding some cheap rubbish on how everything is going to be fine?
I hear the shuffle of shoes and the rustle of clothes, and I suppress an unexpected gasp as I feel his arms hug me, gently pressing my head to his chest. The last time we hugged each other was probably back in our childhood. Shuichi was the last one and the only one over the years that would hug me like this. I don't need this now... I move to push him away but he only inches closer to hold me tighter, stubbornly refusing to let me go.
'Leave me alone', I want to tell him, but all I manage is to take in a quivering breath. I don't resist anymore, I don't have the strength to. Instead, my tears soak his shirt and I listen to his sniffles while the time ticks by. He doesn't say anything, probably knowing that all the words are pointless.
When my brother tightens his hold around my shoulders, the first sob finally escapes my lips, closely followed by another...
END
2007-02-03
And now on with the story.
Author: Vialia
Disclaimer: I do not own "Gravitation" and I don't make any monetary profit from using its characters.
Warning: If the death of one of the main Gravi characters bothers you in any way, please do not read further.
Author's Note: Even though a timeline isn't important for this one-shot story, I imagine this situation to happen about 10 years after Eiri and Shu were living together, after the vows, equal to the official marriage, have been exchanged between each other. The whole one-shot is written in Eiri's eyes.
A sincere thank you to /ffpanda/, who offered her help to and made this story easier to read.
Word Count: 2569.
No Way Out
I slowly direct my eyes from the blurred silhouette of my mother-in-law sitting across from me to the frail person lying in this white hospital bed. As Shuichi tiredly speaks, taking his time to slowly breathe in after every couple of words, my mind registers what he's saying to all of us and I finally hear the first sobs his sister was trying to hold. Noriko's muffled sobs echoes and I hear a barely audible whisper of a familiar name "Tohma...", followed by a slight shuffle of feet - my sister asking for a comfort in her husband's arms. My mother-in-law is the only one of the women in this room who somehow manages to stay strong for his son, gently stroking his hand. Only her soft voice answers to her son's spoken last will, even though silent tears flows down her cheeks while listening and answering.
"I hold your promise... to continue with music..." Shuichi whispers to his friends, "When you're ready." He finally adds after a couple of seconds of respite.
Even at this moment he can't forget his first love, his passion thanks to which we met each other. Only Ryuichi and Hiroshi trust their voices to answer him shortly that they will. I blink away the tears to look at his beautiful face as I realize...
That's it. The moment I dreaded for so long and refused to believe in has finally come. He said good-bye to both our families, to our friends...
"We will hold our promise, Shuichi-san, you can be sure of that." My best friend answers calmly for all. At this moment I envy Tohma for his inflexible stamina. He manages to stay strong in front of my lover, although I saw my brother-in-law hopelessly slump many times into the chair when his efforts to find a way out were in vain.
"Thank you." Shuichi breathes out, relieved, and I smile inwardly hearing his voice for the first time this day. His beautiful voice is almost like it was before the illness reduced it to a mere whisper.
I gently squeeze his warm hand between mine when it seems that my lover stays silent for too long. Fear grips me when he doesn't respond and a painful thought crosses my mind that those might have been his last words. My breath hitches as I squeeze his hand tighter.
...I don't want to let him go. Not yet.
I blink, my body frozen, the tears finally spill, burning my cheeks while rolling down. As my vision clears, I breathe a quiet sigh of relief seeing my lover still breathing slowly and silently.
...I wish I could give him my strength so he could live. I don't care for how long, just longer than these couple of minutes he has left, longer than this cursed day.
A delicate squeeze of my hand alarms my attention and I quickly focus on his face, in time to see his head move an inch towards my direction. His eyes flutters, yet it seems he can't find the strength to open them. I must bitterly accept that it was yesterday when I saw his eyes focus on me for the last time.
...I want to see them again so badly.
"Eiri..." he whispers my name softly, his lips barely moving. I ignore the sobs around us, wishing we could be alone. We both feel the best when the two of us are alone.
He looks so fragile. I feel the surging need to take him in my arms and repeat that everything is going to be alright, that we'll get through this, that we'll find the cure. That we just need a little more time. We've been telling this to each other for the last half of the year, or has it been already a year, or more? The days fly by so fast... since the day he came home in tears to tell me the doctors diagnosed him suffering from an incurable deadly illness.
I squeeze his hand back to let him know I hear when he whispers my name for the second time. I notice it's fainter than the previous time, my mind registering that the time slips by in seconds and I can do nothing about it.
It's too soon, I'm not ready. I need more time.
I lean to him when my vision blurs completely. Pressing to his side I hide my face from everyone's eyes, pressed between the side of his head and the white pillow. I inhale deeply trying to stop my tears, but it's in vain. It seems I can't control them anymore while they wet the fabric. I inch my face to his hair as close as possible and bring my hand to the other side of his face. He doesn't respond to my touch and doesn't lean into my hand. It's okay though. I'm content to just lie here, having him beside me, hearing him breath. I would give anything to know it would last.
I hear my mother-in-law inhale shakily, but she still holds herself together. Seconds later she slowly whispers loving words to her son. His sister sobs uncontrollably, muffling her cries as best as she can, her husband's quiet whispers trying to soothe her. She whispers something, but the words are lost between the hiccups and sobs.
...So much to say, but so little time.
I want to take him home, where he's no one's but mine, where we both feel safe, where no one can harm him. I nuzzle his ear, savoring the moment of our closeness. The act is so simple, yet it calms my senses greatly. I can barely trace his unique smell, the sterile hospital smell almost overpowering it. So much time was spent in various hospitals... A soft squeeze of my hand brings me back before I drift off to the musings of our past.
"It's okay..." he whispers. It's so weak and I'm sure anyone else but me can hear it. The thought only fuels my tears to gather again. Why is he strong for me when I should be the one supporting him?
"Idiot." I utter the first thing that comes to my mind, my voice thick with emotion. I brush my lips against his cheek. His skin is so soft. I don't want to lose all this... "Stay with me." I whisper into his ear.
I want to hear he somehow miraculously will get through this. I want to wake up from this damned nightmare... But it's impossible, my mind tells me, no matter how much I want to hear the opposite.
I close my eyes and stay silent, listening to his slow breathing. In a moment of deceptive quiet it seems as if everything is alright, as if I would hold him in my arms just like the old times, when he would come to me looking for a silent comfort after a particularly hard day from work.
"I'm sorry..." he speaks suddenly.
I lift my head, alarmed by his apology. Why is he using so much energy just to say this to us? I glance at his mother reassuring him that he has nothing to apologize for. I notice her voice quiver and hear her husband finish the sentence for her, while she wipes the tears with the free hand. She's on the verge of breaking. A cold shudder runs down my spine, constricting my breathing. I whisper his name in question and repeat it louder when it's left unnoticed, squeezing his hand this time, probably stronger than I should.
Why don't you answer me?
"Uesugi-san..." he calls for my father standing silently behind me all this time, barely saying a word.
No. My heart starts to race realizing the meaning. This is it. He's asking my father to say the prayer for the dying person.
...He's ready to go. 'It's too soon!', my mind screams. I need more time
Everything happens so fast. I hear the shuffle of feet, the sobs increase, and the always confident steps of my father stop near the foot of the bed. I look at Shuichi's face while gently brushing my hand against his cheek... I open my mouth to whisper my last thoughts to him when his sister nearly shouts that Shuichi should always remember how much he is loved. I close my eyes for a moment, hearing his parents say almost the same, fighting against the overwhelming sensations...
...It's unreal. It's a nightmare with the same end I had dreamed for so many times this past year. However, Shuichi always woke me up, he always did...
My father's strong voice overpowers the sobs of the others as he speaks the words he already knows by heart. He was always a priest first, managing to perfectly hide his emotions...
I catch my breath, immediately noticing Shuichi's weak hold on my hand go limp. A barely audible, soft exhalation...
I stay silent, still holding his hand, looking at his slightly opened lips. For a brief second it seems as if the time itself has stopped, leaving me numb. I still expect him to breathe in, any second now, any second...
The spell is instantly broken by the heartbreaking sobs and weeps of a mother who just lost her child before her eyes. All the voices, it's like a blur, leaving nothing but an increasing heaviness inside.
I take in a slow breath trying to calm my shallow breathing. I feel like I'm starting to suffocate. Releasing his hand, I place it carefully next to his side on the white blanket and lean in over his face. I close my eyes to stop the tears dripping down on his black hair and press my lips to his forehead.
...This is the last time I can feel him, can kiss him. This is my goodbye.
I pull up, my eyes fixed only on him, my eyes running over every curve of his beautiful features. I wipe away the tears from his closed eyes. It takes only a second to listen to my father's words and glance at my father-in-law holding his sobbing wife...
I step back, my vision starting to blur again, and quickly move towards the door, I move past my brother, past Shuichi's manager and the doctor, trying my best to ignore the stifling voices, everything. I need to get out of here. I blink away the tears once I step into the corridor.
The elevator... Yes... I need to get there... To my car... I clench my teeth feeling the lump in my throat increase immensely within a second as I try to will my feet to move. I still can hear my father's voice and the sobs. Damn it...
"Uesugi-san..." the familiar voice startles me, bringing back from my stupor.
I tense up, composing myself as best as I can. I entirely forgot our bodyguards and all the other Tohma hired for the family and friends a while ago, after the cursed nurse leaked the information about Shuichi's rapidly worsening condition to the media. Ignoring the blurring vision, I glance at the one of the two bodyguards who called me, then at the another one, standing in my way towards the elevator. They guarded us both, Shuichi and me. And now...
I fist my hands turning away from them. I don't need them. I don't need anyone anymore.
"You're fired." Walking away I state coldly to both of them. Over the years, I've said those words probably more than I should have, though this time Shuichi won't be beside me to convince me to change my mind.
I disregard the compassion they express to me and quicken my pace towards the nearest exit, the stairway. I walk past the nurse who gasps and freezes in her steps, recognizing me. She hurries to give her condolences to which I don't give a damn about. The small group of young doctors stop talking as they notice me passing them. I hear one of them speak quietly, "It's over..." and another hush him. I clench my teeth taking in a shuddering breath.
Why can't you people just shut up and leave me alone?!
I knock open the exit door with all my strength, causing it to hit the wall with a loud bang. I turn and fling them shut equally strong after I exit, the bang echoing through the floors of the stairway. For a brief moment the echo replaces the sobs which still continue to resound in my ears. I rest my back against the closed door, with my hand brushing through my disheveled hair. My instincts tell me that I have to compose myself, and I'm trying... I slide towards the side of the door until my shoulder hits the wall. I rest my head against it.
"It's okay." I whisper his last words spoken to me.
Seconds later tears spill down my cheeks, cooling them while I glide down to the floor. How can it be ok? The day I dreaded for so long has come. I refused to believe it would come, we both stubbornly did. This belief was the only thing that kept us going. Yet in the end, it was pointless. I'm still left alone.
I am cursed... Bound to always see the person I care about die in front of my eyes.
I hold my head in my hands, trying to even my out breathing out. I recall what he told me yesterday, and the day before yesterday and the day before... I want to remember everything, even if it's a small and insignificant detail. Everything seems so important now, so precious. Each smile, each look, each word... And he made me promise so many things. Will I be able to keep all those promises I gave to him? Maybe I shouldn't have made them...
I tense up, hearing the door near me slowly open. I don't lift my head to see who it is. If it's some idiot who'll express how sorry he is for my loss, I swear, I'm going to snap for real.
...Just leave me alone. All of you.
"Eiri..." the sorrowful voice startles me.
Tatsuha. How did he find me here? I bite my lip so that my shallow breathing wouldn't be as noticeable. Does he want to console me by feeding some cheap rubbish on how everything is going to be fine?
I hear the shuffle of shoes and the rustle of clothes, and I suppress an unexpected gasp as I feel his arms hug me, gently pressing my head to his chest. The last time we hugged each other was probably back in our childhood. Shuichi was the last one and the only one over the years that would hug me like this. I don't need this now... I move to push him away but he only inches closer to hold me tighter, stubbornly refusing to let me go.
'Leave me alone', I want to tell him, but all I manage is to take in a quivering breath. I don't resist anymore, I don't have the strength to. Instead, my tears soak his shirt and I listen to his sniffles while the time ticks by. He doesn't say anything, probably knowing that all the words are pointless.
When my brother tightens his hold around my shoulders, the first sob finally escapes my lips, closely followed by another...
END
2007-02-03
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