FicWad

Wicked Plan


By Lord Raa


@@@@@


Disclaim-me-do: Preheat ovens to death!


@@@@@


Roy Mustang looked at the expense report that Edward Elric had submitted to him.

"Toys?"

"Sir?" Riza Hawkeye asked, looking up from her own paperwork.

"It seems that Fullmetal has been spending money on toys and wants us to reimburse him again. Remind me again why we keep a child in our ranks," the Lieutenant Colonel asked with a sigh.

"Because he's a great alchemist that impressed the judges during his final exam," a voice replied from the doorway.

"Yes he's a good alchemist. Though don't you think that it would be better if he were more grown up?" Roy asked his visitor with an infuriating smirk.

"..." the short blonde youth seethed. "I'm old enough to risk my life for the state, aren't I?"

"Touché, Fullmetal, but that still doesn't excuse you from spending government funds on toys," Mustang countered.

Riza Hawkeye's sigh at the impending testosterone fuelled conflict caused the young alchemist to shrug. Realising that there was little he could say or do to appease the womanising officer sitting behind the desk, Ed cast an apologetic look at the blonde Lieutenant who smiled in reply.

'Edward's getting more and more disrespectful. Perhaps I should give him a challenge? But what...I know!' Roy smiled. "I wish you would consider your position as a State Alchemist, Elric. We can't afford to be seen spending funds on toy and comics. We're not going to pay this invoice."

"What? You gotta be kidding me!" the Fullmetal Alchemist protested. "I can't afford to pay that bill!"

"You should have thought about that before you ordered all these items," Mustang chided.

"Sir, they were to help him recuperate in hospital," Riza added, hoping to avoid trouble.

"I'm well aware of the need to keep your mind occupied when you're in hospital, Lieutenant Hawkeye, I'm referring to the titles of the publications that Mr. Elric selected."

"... Sir?" the blonde officer asked.

"I'm talking about 'Best of Both Worlds', 'Fullset Alchemist', 'Trap Spotting,' and 'Beasts and Blades,'" Roy explained. "Do you want me to tell you what these are about?"

"ACK!" Edward yelped in panic. "No, it's ok, I don't need you to pay for those!"

"Hmm," the Flame Alchemist looked on. "Everyone, would you mind taking a break for a short while? There's something that I want to discuss with Edward in private."

"Ok," the group agreed, though they started to feel bad for the teenaged alchemist.

"And make sure that Alphonse is with you."

"Yes, Sir," Havoc saluted.

When the door was closed, Mustang beckoned his embarrassed subordinate closer. "Care to explain what you were doing with THOSE kinds of magazines, Mr. Elric?"

"I kinda bought them by mistake. They didn't have covers that let you really know what they're about and with a title like 'Trap Spotting' I thought it was about spotting and disarming booby traps," the shamefaced blonde replied.

"And 'Beasts and Blades'?"

"Action comics, not that kind of sickness it had in it," Ed insisted with a shudder.

"Ah yes," Roy smirked insufferably, "Beasts and Blades, the premier bestiality and blood-sports magazine in this country. Did you like the 'It's a Lion: Let's See Where This is Going?' feature? It's quite the eye-opener."

The younger alchemist paled at the memory.

"I'm not going to tell people what you ordered. I'll cover the costs of these on one condition."

"W-what's that?" Ed looked up, hoping that he'd finally be able to put this sordid episode behind him.

Walking towards his hapless victim, the Flame Alchemist clapped a hand on Ed's good shoulder. "I need you for a special mission. It's top secret, so secret that event the Fuehrer doesn't know about it."

"What's that?"

"I need some intelligence gathering on a specific member of my staff. I can't just come out and ask them for this information, you understand," Roy lied effortlessly. "If you can get what I need to know, then I'll make this go away and it'll prove that I can trust you."

"I'll do what I can, Mustang," Ed replied, standing up straight. "You know that."

"Good. Now, I want you to keep this a secret from everyone, including your brother," Roy said calmly. When he received a nod of acknowledgement, he continued. "I need you to find out Lieutenant Hawkeye's three sizes and what kind of clothes she likes to wear when she's not on duty."

"Ok... but what three sizes?" the blonde asked in confusion.

"Her bust, waist and hips, didn't you read any of those magazines properly? And here I was thinking that you're ready to become a man," the Lt. Colonel sighed. "I guess you are still a child, after all."

"Hey," Ed protested. "I can get what you want; I just don't know how to go about it."

"Well, for that, you need to leave your brother at home. As much as I like Alphonse, he's not suited for your clandestine task. You'll need to sneak into Lieutenant Hawkeye's apartment and look through her clothes to see what size she is. You'll need to make a note of what size she wears for what sort of outfit."

The Fullmetal Alchemist had a bad feeling about this "secret mission" of his. "Are you sure about this? I mean, if she catches me going through her stuff, she'll skin me alive!"

"The best way for you to make it through this unharmed is to not get caught. By the way, if you can get a photo or two of the contents of her underwear drawer, then you can consider yourself the recipient of a commendation," Roy added, unable to maintain eye contact with his subordinate.

"But why all this hassle?"

"Because I want to surprise her with the gift of an elegant dress so we can go out for an evening or two," the Flame Alchemist explained. "What? Don't you find Hawkeye attractive?"

"It's not that," Ed insisted. "It's just that why don't you ask her yourself so you can get a dress made up for her?"

"Ask a woman what size she is? Are you insane, Elric?"

"No, I just never had a girlfriend."

A knock at the door cut off any further explanation from the Lieutenant Colonel.

"Enter," Mustang called out.

"Ah, Lt. Col. Mustang, I need to ask your opinion on something," Maes Hughes said with his usual goofy expression on his face.

"I'll get going on that thing, Mustang," Ed said, hoping to avoid pictures of the Intelligence Officer's daughter being thrust into his face.


@@@@@


Edward looked rather sad as he trudged through the corridors to the mess hall.
Although he didn't have much of an appetite, he usually thought better on a full stomach.

Sighing as he sat down with his lamb stew and bread, the alchemist was surprised to see Alexander Louis Armstrong stride over to him.

"What's up, Edward?" the muscle-bound man asked with his usual level of concern.

"It's nothing, Armstrong," Fullmetal replied with a weak smile.

The Strong Arm Alchemist didn't believe that for a second. "You shouldn't be so glum, Edward. You have the fires of youth burning within you; you should be forging your way in this world, not moping around here. Tell me your problem, and I'll do what I can to help you."

"It's kinda embarrassing," the teenager replied, hoping that his burly protector would take the hint and leave him alone.

"Nonsense, Edward, believe it or not, I was your age too. I know what you're going through with your changing body. You're probably noticing girls in a different way now."

"..." Elric looked at the hulk sitting next to him in disbelief. "That's not what I meant."

"Oh. Well, still, perhaps I can help you with your problem," Armstrong smiled. "What is it that's causing you trouble? Is it a moral dilemma?"

"Yeah," the gold-eyed alchemist nodded. "I mean, I kinda have this thing that I have to do, but it's not nice. It's not killing anyone or anything; it's just well, if they find out who did it, they'll skin me alive."

"I see, well, oh, hello, Lt. Colonel Mustang," the muscle-man greeted, standing up. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"I was just out for a walk," the smirking man explained. He turned towards the highly embarrassed youth. "Edward, you do recall what I said earlier, don't you?"

"Yeah, it's just that I don't know how to go about it."

"Well, if you come to my office at 3.30 this afternoon, I'll give you a proper briefing. Remember what I said about secrecy," Mustang added with a point of his right index finger.

"Yes, sir," Elric muttered. 'That smug bastard, I can't believe I'm in this mess. Why couldn't they tell me what sort of magazines they were when I was buying them?'


@@@@@


At half-past three, Edward Elric knocked on the door to Roy Mustang's office.

"Enter, Fullmetal."

The young alchemist sighed but did as he was told. Walking the walk of a condemned man, he walked up to the desk.

"Ah, Edward, I'm glad that you've not completely lost your timekeeping skills. Here's what you need for your mission," Mustang said in his usual mocking manner, "Pad, pen, pencil for back up and this camera."

"That's a camera? It's so... small."

"Yes, I thought that you'd appreciate something a little closer to your own size," the Lt. Colonel teased.

Edward somehow managed to refrain from jumping over the desk and throttling his superior.

"It's an experimental design, Edward. It's been developed for our Intelligence Division," the black haired man explained. "Major Hughes has already tested its functionality as a camera; I just need to make sure that it works in the field. You WILL be bringing this back in one piece as it's our only working prototype."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," the blonde rolled his eyes. "Now, is there anything else?"

The Flame Alchemist smirked his infamous smirk. "This is Lt. Hawkeye's address. You might want to get this out the way as soon as possible."

"I'll do it now," Ed replied as he pocketed the piece of paper with his target's address on. "Will you keep Al from hearing about this?"

"He's not ready for such things," Roy said in an uncharacteristically sage-like tone. "Now go, before the others come back and start asking questions."

"Sir," the blonde alchemist saluted before pocketing the items necessary for his mission.


@@@@@


Edward Elric walked up to Riza Hawkeye's apartment and tried the front door.

"Of course she's going to lock it, moron," he said to himself when he was unable to walk straight in. "I need to think about this: she's going to notice a big hole in her front door or a broken window, so just breaking in is out."

A few thoughts turned themselves into a plan and Ed realised what tools he had to work with. "But I can quite easily transmute the glass so I can sneak in and change it back so no-one notices."

Walking around to the rear of the building, the Fullmetal Alchemist missed Riza Hawkeye returning from work.

"You're back early, Riza," an elderly woman called out from behind her well manicured rosebush. "Is everything alright?"

"Hello Mrs. Wilson," the blonde smiled back. "Everything's fine - they let us out early today."

"That's nice."


@@@@@


Clapping his hands together, Ed placed them on a large pane of glass and made a hole large enough for him to crawl through. Shooting a glance at his entry point, he made the decision to close it up, lest anyone see that someone was inside.

Scanning the rooms as he came across them, the alchemist quickly found his target - the bedroom of one Riza Hawkeye.

Opening the door, Ed noticed that it was all very neatly organised, much like the owner of the house.

"Let's get this over with," he sighed as he opened the closet and started to search through all the hanging dresses for sizes marked on the labels.

"Right, this nice blue dress is a '10'. Wait, is that 10 for the hips, waist or the chest?" the teenager asked in confusion. "I better get some more numbers, or Mustang'll complain."

After writing the dress size down in the pad, Ed turned his attention to the spare uniform next to it. Again, it failed to yield the expected results, but the blonde persisted, hoping for something that would stop his superior officer embarrassing him further.

Sighing, the Fullmetal Alchemist realised that he had no other choice but to take out the camera and photograph the contents of the lieutenant's underwear drawer.

Opening the top right drawer in the mahogany dresser, Edward was feeling rather guilty about the invasion of privacy but also a bit curious as to what sort of person Riza was when it came to her private life.

"She seems so cool and mysterious, but there must be more to her than just being a crack shot with those guns of hers," the teenager mused as he started to look through the contents of the drawer. After thirty seconds, he realised that it wasn't what Roy was after and moved onto the next drawer.


@@@@@


Elsewhere in the house, the homeowner returned and put her keys on the table in the hallway. It was then that her suspicions were aroused.

'Something's not right here.'

Pulling out her trusty sidearm, she checked that there was a round loaded and flicked the safety catch off.

"Whoever it is here in my house invading my privacy, you better be ready to taste lead," she declared mentally as she started to stalk her prey.


@@@@@


It was the third drawer the Ed searched that provided him with what he was looking for.

Reaching in, the blonde alchemist pulled out a pair of simple plain white cotton panties.

"Ok, well let's see if this will make Flambé Boy happy," he said as laid out the undergarment on the bed to take photos of it. "Better get some of these others, too."

Ed continued to lay out the selection of lingerie, which included a tasteful peach camisole and something that looked rather more daring than the rest of the goods.


@@@@@


Outside her bedroom, Riza heard the sounds of someone inside and peered through the crack between the door and the jamb.

'Edward? What's he doing here? And what's he taking photos of? That little pervert...' she thought with a growl.

Deciding that now was the time to put a stop to this debauchery, the blonde lieutenant kicked the door open.

"Hello there!"

Edward turned to see a rather angry looking woman pointing a pistol at his head.

"L-l-lieutenant Hawkeye! What are you doing here?"

"That's my question for you, Elric. Now, care to explain why you're holding my underwear in one hand and a camera in the other?" the irate officer asked, her aim not wavering.

"I can explain!" Edward insisted.

"That I'd like to hear," Riza said as she holstered her pistol and walked over to the invader. She grabbed the displayed pieces of lingerie and put it back in the drawer, not caring about them getting wrinkled.

"Edward Elric, I like you," she said as she turned to the teenager before her. "I think you're generally a decent person, but if I don't get a proper explanation as to why you're here in my house taking photos of my underwear, I'm going to remove your private parts with a bacon-slicer one sliver at a time. Is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am," the alchemist squeaked.

"Good, now start at the beginning."

"It was when I was in hospital," Ed began his story, though he was speaking rather more quickly than usual. "I bought some magazines, but I didn't know what they were about and I musta put the receipt for them in with the expense report."

"What were they about?" the officer asked calmly.

"Theyweredirtymagazines," the younger blonde replied quickly, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.

"And they gave you the idea of breaking into my house and rooting through my underwear?"

"Yes," Ed lied, nodding vigorously.

Riza put a hand on the alchemist's shoulder. "I see, so you're just a confused young man who's trying to deal with his new urges? Well, normally, I'd cut a man's balls off for this stunt, but you get kicked in them first for lying to me."

The teenager collapsed as the woman introduced her right knee to his genitals.

"Shall we try that again? Why are you here in my home acting like a pervert?"

"M-mustang..." Edward whimpered. "H-he ordered me to do it or he'd tell people about the magazines..."

"So it seems that you'd rather be known as a panty thief than someone who reads dirty magazines?" the lieutenant asked. "For some reason, I think that there's more to this than you're telling me. What were those magazines called and what were they about?"

"'Best of Both Worlds', 'Fullset Alchemist', 'Trap Spotting,' and 'Beasts and Blades,'" the alchemist answered, his face red with embarrassment as he explained what the publications were about.

"I see, well I can understand why you'd want that to be kept quite. Still," the blonde woman said as she helped her prisoner up to his feet, "you are in a lot of trouble. So is a certain Lieutenant Colonel."

Ed winced at the dark expression on Riza's face. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I didn't want to do this, but I didn't have any choice."

"What would you do in my place, Ed?" Riza asked. "You need to be punished, but it's not entirely your fault."

"I...I'll do what ever you want, Lieutenant," Fullmetal said in a soft tone of voice. "Just please keep this quiet."

"Anything I want, eh? Well, what if I decided that I want a slave? Are you going to wait on me hand and foot? Cater to my every whim?" the blonde officer asked, her arms folded across her chest. "No matter how degrading it is?"

Ed looked at his feet. "Y-y-yes."

"Alright then, you can start by calling me 'Mistress' or 'Ma'am.' You got that?" Riza asked with an evil look on her face.

"Y-yes, Mistress."

"We're off to a good start. Your first task is to clean the toilet, Edward. Now, once that's done, we'll go over the rules."

"Yes, Mistress."

"And no alchemy," Riza ordered.

"Yes, Ma'am."


@@@@@


Riza Hawkeye sat in her kitchen with a cup of tea in her hands. She was pondering what to do about the troublesome duo of Edward Elric and Roy Mustang.

'To think that Mustang would force Ed into doing something that,' the blonde thought with a frown. 'Still, it's not like Ed is entirely innocent in this. I'm not going to let him get away scot-free.'

"I'm done with the toilet, Ma'am," Ed announced with a cough from the doorway.

"Good, now sit down and be quiet," Riza ordered. "I'm trying to decide what to do to punish you and Mustang."

"He, he wanted photos of you, he was hoping to ask you out."

"I thought I told you to be quiet," the Lieutenant sniped. "But that gives me an idea. I wonder what he'd do if he found me with another man?"

Riza noticed that Ed was shifting in his seat and sighed. "You can speak now, I was just still a little annoyed with you for breaking in."

"Thanks Ma'am. I think that he'd burst a blood vessel if he saw a photo of us together," the alchemist sniggered.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? I think that we may need to change your alchemic name - the Fullpervert Alchemist," the officer snorted.

"..." A suitably chastised Ed looked at the table surface. "I didn't mean it like that..."

"Oh, you thought that just taking a couple of photos of us together would work. That's different," Riza acknowledged. "Though what makes you think that I'm willing to even pretend to do that sort of thing with you?"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to insult you. I know that you're a good person, Ma'am."

The lieutenant sighed. Putting her teacup down, she reached for Ed's left hand. "You're a good person too, Ed. You may not have always been the most polite of men, but you certainly always treated women with respect."

"Thanks, Ma'am," Ed said as he looked up and smiled at the blonde officer. "You know, I kinda used to think that it would be nice to have you as a girlfriend. Now I know that it would be."

"You can stop calling me 'Ma'am' and 'Mistress,' you know." Riza picked up her teacup and added something rather unexpected before finishing her tea. "Unless you're into that kind of thing, that is."

"I don't understand," the alchemist replied, blinking in confusion.

"Perhaps you're not the Fullpervert Alchemist after all. Come on, let's go to the bedroom and sort out our perverted boss."

Ed gulped nervously as he was lead upstairs by his friend. "P-please, be gentle with me."

"Oh, I thought that you knew all about this sort of thing, Edward. What with your collection of dirty magazines and all..." Riza teased. She turned back to face the alchemist and saw the frightened look on his face. "I'm not going to hurt you, Ed. This is just us pretending to be close to teach Mustang a lesson."

"But still..."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then do as I say," the lieutenant smiled. "If anything, I'll have to watch out for you hurting me."

"I'd never do anything to hurt you, Miss Hawkeye," Ed protested.

"Call me 'Riza.' 'Miss Hawkeye' makes me feel old."

"Ok, Riza."


@@@@@


Riza handed the camera to Ed and told him to take photos on her mark, starting with her taking off her jacket.

And so the impromptu modelling session continued with the blonde lieutenant ending up wearing only her underwear, much to Ed's embarrassment.

"It seems that someone's enjoying the view," she teased.

The alchemist's hands flew to his crotch in a vain attempt to hide his throbbing erection. "Sorry."

"Don't be, I mean it just proves that you like me. Is there a timer function on the camera?"

"Y-yeah," Ed nodded.

"Good," Riza smiled. "Now, take your clothes off and get on the bed, this next part will be fun."

In Ed's rush to get undressed, he fumbled with his clothes and fell onto the floor, landing on his backside.

"Are you alright, Ed?" the blonde woman asked, trying to keep her laughter under control. Then she saw how parts of the young alchemist were poking out of his boxer shorts. "Oh my, you are a healthy young man, aren't you?"

"Ack! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to flash you like that," Ed insisted, having finally disentangled himself from his usual black outfit.

"Don't be too sorry, I'm considering this as payback for earlier," Riza winked. "Now set the timer and get on the bed. Try not to blush too much or Roy will see through this little scam."

"O-ok," Fullmetal nodded before setting the camera up on the dresser and quickly clambering onto the bed.

"Quick, put your left hand here, and close your eyes," the half naked woman ordered.

When Edward didn't put his hand where he was supposed, Riza took it and placed it on her breast before leaning in and kissing the teenager.

Seconds later, the camera's shutter sounded and Riza broke the kiss.

"Did you like that, Ed?"

The young man in question was unable to convince his mouth to verbalise an answer, so settled for a nod.

"You know, for someone who hasn't spent much time doing this sort of thing, you're rather gentler than I thought you would be."

"Eh?" Ed finally managed to get his mouth to work properly.

"Where is your left hand, Edward Elric?" Riza asked with a teasing smile.

The alchemist looked down. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you like that, honest!"

"That's ok, Ed, I believe you. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, we were doing this," the lieutenant grinned lecherously before leaning in and stealing a kiss from the alchemist.

Ed felt light-headed as the inside of his mouth being probed by Riza's tongue. He had to break the kiss after a moment.

"A-are you s-sure about this?"

"I'll prove it to you that I want this, Ed," Riza smirked. "No, lie down and let me do my thing."

"Eh? Ok," Elric agreed hesitantly, but was reassured by another smile and quick kiss on the lips.

The lieutenant climbed off the bed and searched through her closet for a couple of items before returning with a grin on her face. "Now, Edward, this is going to be a new experience for the both of us. You just need to let it happen, and all will be well. You got that?"

"Y-yes, Ma'am."

"Good boy," the curvy blonde purred.

Crossing the gap between them, Riza surprised her partner by straddling him and moving his hands above his head as she kissed him.

Ed found himself moving his head up to keep in contact with Riza's lips, but it was to no avail, the lieutenant broke the kiss. A minute later, he realised that he couldn't move properly.

"Hey, what's going on?" he protested.

"Just a little something to remind you that you're being punished. Now, shall we see what kind of man you are, Mr. Elric?" Riza asked with a wink as she slowly removed Ed's boxer shorts. "Ooh, it seems that you like the thought of what's coming next..."

"...help..." the alchemist whimpered.

"Like I said, I'm not going to hurt you, Edward."

The unrestrained blonde gently kissed Fullmetal on the lips before making a trail down his torso. After a couple of minutes of gentle kisses, Riza arrived at Ed's short, yet thick shaft, her soft breath causing the teenager to shiver.

Moments later, Ed's world was completely changed as he felt the soft lips of his lover on the tip of his erection.

Soon, Riza continued her foreplay, this time taking the purple tip of the cock into her mouth.

"Unh," Ed moaned softly, causing his lover to smile.

'I guess I'm doing this right,' she thought. 'Time for me to have my fun.'

After taking the shaft from her mouth, she gave it a couple of soft, yet long strokes.

"Right then, it's time for me to have my fun," Riza declared as she propped herself up.

The blonde woman slid the simple white cotton panties off her well toned legs and allow them to drop on the floor beside the bed. She straddled her restrained lover again and winked at him.

"Time for the main event, Edward."

"O-ok."

"Stop looking at me like I'm going to bite your limbs off, I'm going to do something that both of us are going to enjoy," Riza insisted. "Here, you'll like this."

Ed felt the breath leave his lungs as he was mounted by the lieutenant. "T-that feels s-so g-good."

The woman just smirked as she leant forward and kissed Ed on the lips, silencing him. "No more talking until I'm done, is that clear."

"Y-yes Ma'am."

Riza gently shook her head, but decided to go on with her course of action. She started to slowly move her hips; first in a circular motion, then she sped up and changed her grinding against the alchemist to a more linear fashion.

'Yes! That's the kind of feeling I read about!' she thought happily as she reached forward and started to rake her fingernails across the muscular chest of her young lover.

Ed gasped loudly as he experienced pleasures he never thought were possible. Without warning, he felt something change in him and grunted loudly, his face contorting comically. "UNF!"

"What was that that?" Riza pondered aloud before continued her rutting. She could feel herself getting increasingly closer to release. "Yes! Yes!"

She leant back as her orgasm overtook her and she called out. "~YES~! THAT'S WHAT I READ ABOUT!"

The pair separated, causing a dazed alchemist to ponder what the mess on their privates was for a moment before he felt the curvy lieutenant untie him and snuggle up to him, her head resting on his left shoulder.

"W-wow," he murmured.

"Yeah," Riza smiled. "But can you just hold me for now?"

"I told you, I'd do anything you asked me to," Edward said honestly as he embraced the lieutenant.


@@@@@


The next day, Roy looked at the envelope that had been placed on his desk.

"Hmm, what's this? 'To Mustang, here's what you wanted, Ed,'" the Flame Alchemist read aloud. "Ah, let's see what you found out for me, Fullmetal!"

The raven haired man broke the red wax seal, barely able to keep his drooling under control as he say the notebook with Riza's sizes written on.

"I knew she was hiding a nice figure under that uniform of hers."

Then the lecherous man came across the "good stuff" - actual photographs of Lieutenant Hawkeye's lingerie.

Roy cycled through the pictures; first up was the white cotton panties. "Simple, yet tastefully practical."

"Now we're getting interesting," he said as he came across the silken camisole and matching panties.

Next up was the scandalous piece of black lace. "Oh my," Mustang murmured as he started to drool as the mental image of his lieutenant dressed in such enticing unmentionables.

Then he saw the next image. This time it was Riza undressing.

"Fullmetal, there are no words that can praise you enough for this."

The next image had Riza reclining on her bed and picking up a book.

"Edward Elric, you magnificent bastard, I'll have you up for a commendation for this," Mustang enthused. "Wait a minute; is she looking directly at the camera?"

Flicking through the next lot of photos, the Flame Alchemist's heart sank as he saw Edward Elric in frame with his subordinate.

"What the hell?" he yelled at the empty office. "That rat bastard!"

The penultimate image in the report had Riza and Ed engaged in a rather passionate embrace, their hands exploring each other's body as they kissed.

The final image was that of a note, written in Riza's own handwriting.

"Dear Lieutenant Colonel Mustang,

It is with great joy that I announce my relationship with Edward Elric. I hope that you can be happy for us in these turbulent times.

I will continue to work for you, though I would appreciate it if you would keep your lecherous comments to yourself, as I am not that kind of woman.


Best wishes,

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye"



"WHAT. THE. HELL!?!"


@@@@@


Outside his office, two blondes were trying to hold back their laughter at the expense of their commanding officer.

"What's up, you two?" Major Hughes asked as he approached his friends.

"Nothing, it's a private joke, right Edward?" Riza asked.

"Yeah," the alchemist nodded, "a private joke. You want to get a cup of coffee, Riza? My treat."

"How can I say no to that?"


@@@@@


The End.