Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Pointless Forever
Chapter 21 The Woes of a Malfoy
(complete) Harry and Draco start an odd relationship based on orders from a certain red-eyed boy.It becomes much more than that, and the red-eyed boy has plans for Harry and the destruction of Vold...
?Blocked
Chapter 21 The Woes of a Malfoy
The thing about clichés is that sometimes, more often than not actually, they held considerable truth to them. The one in particular that kept running through Draco's mind was 'you don't know what you have till it's gone' But what was eating away at him the most was that he fucking knew what he had, he didn't need it stolen away from him. He was ready to spend the rest of his life worshipping the grounds that his love walked on, regardless of where this might land him. But no, his chance of happiness had been ripped away from him, and he knew what he had lost. Now all that there was left to do was just pray that it came back.
A Malfoy wasn't raised to act like this. They weren't supposed to be so emotional over their partners. Just look at his father, he didn't give a fuck about his mother. Sure he would say he loved her and would adorn her with the finest clothes, jewelry, and gifts, but if she were to die tomorrow Draco was sure without a doubt that Lucius would not shed a single tear. It wasn't in his nature, and he had programmed it not to be in his either, but too bad he fucked up royally in that department.
Draco could remember the exact moment in which he turned his back on his father's teachings. It was in fact one of the most vivid memories he possessed.
~~ FlAsHbAcK ~~
It was my 15th birthday, and in honor of a 'Malfoy coming to age' my father had thrown a momentous party. Of course I had been naive back then, but never stupid. I knew the real reason father had thrown the party, it wasn't for my enjoyment...oh no, it was to be my initiation. My welcoming into the ranks of Voldemort's inner circle...I was to become a death eater, and the saddest part was that I almost pissed myself in anticipation.
I remember walking into my room, and slipping open my vast wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit...nothing besides perfect could be good enough to welcome my new 'master' in after all. Okay so maybe I was a little stupid, but in all fairness I didn't know any better. Reaching in I grabbed black slacks made from the best material money could buy, and an blood red shirt made from the finest silk. I went to grab my gel for my hair, but seeing my reflection stopped short. My white-blonde hair hung like a halo around my face, and I hadn't the heart to ruin it...that was the official date I gave up on gelling my hair back to please my father. Ah the start of my rebellion...good times.
For a final touch to my outfit, I grabbed my black cashmere cloak, which was customary for occasions such as this. High society rules really are just ridicules, but hey who wants to argue? With one last look at my reflection, I grasped the doorknob and left to join my guests.
Despite the huge area that the party was held in, it was still stifling. Even all of the cooling charms cast on the mansion couldn't dim out all the body heat from the many guests, 200 in all father had said. Not that that really mattered, few had actually come out of care for me. No, they had come because my father told them to, and nobody disobeyed an order from Lucius Malfoy.
There were many familiar faces, though if asked to put a name to these so called faces, I would respond with a simple 'go to hell.' Many of them had been at father's other parties, he had a lot after all. Plus most of them were also involved with father in his 'business' areas, if told to take of their shirts without a doubt 90% of the people would have a skull glowing furiously on their arm. To be honest I never really did like the mark, there were just way too many other symbols that were better. If you were trying to be the best, why settle at anything but?
Out of the corner of my eye brown and black hair caught my attention. Pansy and Blaise, finally some familiar faces. They have always been my best friends, the two overgrown lackeys that follow me everywhere were never my choice, and they were just another thing for my father to control.
"Happy birthday Dray baby." Though annoyed by the nickname, I couldn't control my mouth from raising in a slight grin. Pansy didn't know any better after all, and well I kinda liked her.
"Hey Panse, what's shaking?" Her features were soon covered in a deep blush, and I couldn't help but smile seductively. It was no secret that the dark haired girl desperately wanted to get into my pants. She wouldn't blush at every common thing though, but rest assured if I wanted to fuck her all I had to do was ask, no one refused a Malfoy, not even... "Blaise Zabini you're looking smashing this evening...I can't believe you actually decided to shower and put something decent on. And was this all for me...ahhh I feel so loved." Blaise smirked, but also quickly looked away. You could see a faint blush on his features as well. It seems I haven't lost my touch yet. The brunette, after composing himself, turned back to me with a small sign of a smirk on his face. Something of course that wasn't new, but he did look rather sexy with his chestnut hair falling in front of his baby blue eyes.
"I heard about what's supposed to happen tonight Drake...you excited?" I felt a smirk tug at my lips, and felt myself walking closer to the boy so that my breath ghosted over his lips. A shutter ran through him at the action, and I felt myself smiling even more.
"Zabini I'm about to get all I could ever hope for...what do you think?" What Blaise thought never made it past his lips, because Pansy had launched herself at me, and was now hanging rather painfully around my neck.
"Oh Draco I'm so jealous...It's no fair that you're so spoiled!" My eyebrow rose at the assumption, and rather forcefully I pried her arms from around my neck. The girl had a hella good grip, and having such a pale complexion, not to mention baby soft skin, I did seem to bruise rather easily.
"I take offense to that Pansy. Just because you get every that you could ever want, doesn't mean that you're in the least bit spoiled." The words repeated over and over in my mind, and yet I think I was actually serious about what I said. God I was a git! "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find my father." I turned around, and with a small wave of my hand left them alone again. Now was not the time for socialites, now was the time to decide the rest of my life.
I had set off to find my father, and find him I did. Though for many months later I had wished I hadn't, that was before I had come to the truth though. After carefully searching the entire west wing of the mansion, the only other possible place he could be was his own private chambers, so with a spring in my step I headed to what I wished could be permanently burned from my mind. Right outside my parents' bedroom, I heard voices, and what sounded considerably like moaning. Confused, I attached myself to the wall, attempting to listen to what was being said.
"The...boy...will...be...mine." The voice was definitely Voldemort's, and unbeknownst a chill raked through my body. Another soon followed it as I heard my father's shaky reply.
"Yes...god yes...he will be yours...he has agreed to serve you mmmm...to do whatever you wish my lord." Not being able to take this listening shit anymore, I carefully cracked the door open to get a view of what the hell was going on. My heart stopped in my chest, and I fought the urge to either scream or throw up.
Lying on the bed with his trousers down was my father, the Great Lucius Malfoy. His hair was completely disheveled and he was moaning like some animal. Behind him stood the Dark Lord Voldemort...pounding into him without a care in the world...they were rutting like animals and they didn't even seem to notice.
Is this what I would become? Some sex toy of Voldemort's? Never when thinking about my life as a death eater did it include leaning over on a bed with his cock pumping in and out of me. In my mind my father was always a picture of perfection that I could never even think of reaching...hearing Voldemort scream in pleasure and empty his seed into my father's ass destroyed any sort of picture that was in my mind.
Without another thought I ran from the room as quick as I could, in fact I ran from the mansion all together. I kept running until my lungs burned, and my legs ached. I kept running until I couldn't run any farther, and ended up somewhere in the forest outside of our estate.
The grass was wet and cold under me, but I ignored the chills that were going through my body. In truth I didn't even care anymore. My entire sense of self was destroyed, so let me freeze to death out in a forest, it would be better than the sense of worthlessness that was running through my veins.
"Things can't be perfect my dragon." My eyes shot open at the voice of my savior, my prince, my love. He was just standing there looking at me. His eyes held no emotion, but I didn't need them to. With as much grace as I could muster I forced myself to my feet, and stared into the red eyes that I had grown to adore. My eyes were filled with need; I was begging him to say something, begging him to make the pain go away...He had to make the pain go away. "You don't have to be like him Draco. It's your choice rather you become your father, or someone even greater."
"Greater than somebody's bitch do you mean?" I spat out. The very thought of my father left a disgusting taste in my mouth. "All of my life I have looked up to him like he was some kind of god, and now my whole mind is shattered and I don't know how to feel. What do I do Silas?" Even though my words hadn't been desperate, that was how I felt. I wanted him to make everything go away, all the hurt, all the longing. I wanted to be a new person, I wanted a new destiny. Without really saying it I gave myself to him that day.
His arms engulfed me, and I ignored the coldness that came from his touches. All I wanted was him, and he complied. He pulled my mouth to his, and I opened almost eagerly, lost to anything but the passion I was feeling at the moment. He had claimed me, and I had let him...but then I didn't care. He laid me back on the grass, and I didn't care. Even when we were both lying there naked, I didn't care.
"Don't worry my dragon I'll take care of it...and you. I'll take care of you forever." Little did I know I had sold my soul away that day.
~~ EnD oF fLaShBaCk ~~
His father had ruined everything that day, and he was still continuing to. After all if his father hadn't fucked up his way of thinking, Silas wouldn't have Harry right now. But no, he couldn't blame things on his father any longer, now it was time to face up to his own mistakes. Now was the time to make things right. He would do it! He would save his Harry...though he did not know how.
His situation seemed even more desolate when he looked up into pitch black eyes, which only a day ago held undying love for him and him only. Now though all he could see within their depths was hate. He didn't know how this had happened; all that he knew was that somehow it had to have been his fault. For the ritual to be complete Harry had to have been willing, and Draco knew that he had to have done something to him to make him willing. His heart clenched when he thought back to the night before, he had known that that Harry didn't act right, but he was too caught up in the feeling to give a shit. So in other words he had cheated on his one and only love without even knowing about it.
Draco shut his eyes at that. He couldn't even believe he had thought that. Though it was no time to feel bad about deceiving Harry, not when he had been doing it all year. How could he ever justify loving Harry, when he had been with another the entire time? He blocked that thought out...he was in love with Harry, he knew he was. The blond just prayed that he could get the Harry he was in love with back, and if he did that he would forgive him for all of his stupid stupid mistakes.
"What's wrong Ko?...you're so quiet. Don't tell me you're feeling regret...You should know that that emotion doesn't even register with you." Draco's eyes shot back open to the smirking boy who had now sat down on top of the water.
"And how do you know how I feel?" Draco couldn't help the bitterness that came along with his voice.
"Well you know sleeping with you for seven months does seem to give a person that kind of insight." Draco's hands clenched at his sides. How dare he say such things...how dare him!
"Shut the fuck up! I did not sleep with you! You're not my Harry, you're not him...you're just a monster." Draco had by this point dropped to his knees, and couldn't stop the shakes that were going through his body. He did his best to ignore the wet footsteps that were coming towards him; he tried his best to ignore the world. But the world would not leave him alone. He heard someone kneel next to him, but refused to look up. Even when his face was lifted up he refused to open his eyes...He was just way too scared of what he might see.
"Look at me Draco." He refused, but this Harry was rather persistent, at least in that aspect they were alike. "Look into my eyes and tell me that if I kissed you you wouldn't kiss back." A warm feeling rushed through his veins as a finger traced his cheek; it felt so familiar...so much like his Harry. The boy in front of him even smelt like his Harry...If he kept his eyes closed he could almost pretend that it was his Harry.
He could feel the boy's breath ghost across his lips, and could already tell his resolve was going to waver. A hand traveled to his raven tresses, and it felt so much like his Harry's. He couldn't believe how much he wanted the boy at the moment, but knew it could never happen. Draco felt warm tears cascade down his cheek at the thought of what he lost...but he knew what he had had. Why then did it get taken away from him?
"You really don't know how beautiful you are do you?" That did it. All resolve Draco had had was torn apart by those 10 words, the same 10 words Harry had uttered to him earlier. He got a tighter grasp on the hair that was curled in his hands, and with still shut eyes, pulled the boy's lips to his.
He felt like Harry, he smelt like Harry, gods he even tasted like Harry. A part of his mind was telling him that this wasn't the person he loved anymore, but he couldn't help but continue to kiss the mouth that opened so willingly to him. It was a very wet kiss, because the salty tears had leaked on both of their lips, it was a kiss full of desperation of his loss, but Draco didn't care. All he could think about was kissing this Harry, and how if he didn't open his eyes he could still pretend that it was his Harry.
"Jeez the two of you should really consider getting a room to do that in." Draco jumped at the words, and without thinking threw Harry so that he was behind him. Making damn well sure that his demon eyes were covered from view. Draco reluctantly opened his eyes, and saw that it was Ron and Hermione who had interrupted his descent into madness. He felt Harry bury his head in his shoulder, and allowed it because it clearly covered the eyes that he wanted desperately to hide.
"What are you doing here Weasel?" Draco tried desperately to ignore the tongue that was licking the exposed skin on his shoulder; he tried with all his might to ignore the feelings of pleasure that were traveling straight to his groin. "And you Mudblood, don't you have studying to do or something?" He looked at the girl in front of him with hate filled eyes. It was her fault...she was the one that did this to him, or at least he could blame her.
"Don't talk to her like that Malfoy." Draco thought he could talk to the bitch however he wanted to, but then thoughts left him when his shoulder was bit. Knowing that he was going to lose control soon, he took out his wand, and using a stick on the ground transfigured a pair of sunglasses. Stuffing them in Harry's hand, he quickly made it to his feet and got as much space as possible between them.
"I'll talk to her however I feel like Weasel...She's a mudblood whore not worthy of my time, or my manners." Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Harry had stood as well, and had placed a hand over his mouth to no doubt cover his grin.
"What is wrong with you Draco? What did I do to make you so cold towards me all of a sudden?...I thought we were becoming friends." Harry had come rather close to the blond, and Draco heard a cough come from him...but it was obvious he was trying to cover a laugh.
"Friends Granger? Don't make me laugh; I could never become friends with the likes of you. And as to what you did...you made me feel." With that said he stalked away, blocking out Harry's chuckle, and Hermione's questions. He didn't even bother to respond to the weasel's insults. He just walked back to the castle and prayed for a quick death.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The next week Draco could honestly say was the worst of his life, and the thing that upset him the most was that nobody noticed. Not only did they not notice him, they didn't seem to notice anything. They didn't notice the fact that Harry never took off the sunglasses he wore, the same ones Draco had transfigured for him by the lake. They really did look good on him with their emerald rims, and pitch black lenses, but Draco came to despise them. They were hiding the monster within, and nobody seemed to notice.
Nobody seemed to notice how Harry looked disgustingly at all his Gryffindor housemates, they didn't seem to care that every chance he got he would make some sort of insult to one of them...they just laughed thinking it was a joke. But Draco saw Harry's face, and knew that was far from the truth.
The teachers didn't seem to notice how every class Harry would never have his work done, and if asked about it would just make up a sarcastic comment for an excuse, no they would just except that and move on. Draco hated them for that, he hated everyone. Probably the most noble and greatest person alive had turned into a monster, and they didn't even care.
Draco hated all of his house, but he especially hated Blaise. His supposed 'best friend' had ruined his entire life for a few moments of pleasure promised to him by Silas. But than again he knew Silas had made them his pawns...he knew so when he had made him get them involved on the train at Christmas break. In all honesty Blaise probably hadn't had a clue what he was doing, but that didn't stop Draco from despising the brunette and everything that he was.
The blond felt dead inside, and he was sure he looked it. He didn't eat...he didn't sleep...he didn't live. He tried his hardest to avoid the one thing he knew could give him peace...or at least a fake sense of it anyways. He had refused to talk to Silas, and even though he wanted to with all his heart, he couldn't even look at Harry. The fact that he could will his mind to pretend that he was still the same person he fell in love with made him sick to his stomach. He felt like he was betraying the person he loved, and for that he would stay away from him at all costs...no matter how much it hurt.
Though this wasn't as easy as it sounds. Harry seemed determined to torture him in whatever means he found fit. Rather it be the little touches every time they passed in the halls, the secret notes that would be delivered to him from 'no one', or last but not least having to watch him play tonsil hockey with the Gryffindor bitch...slowly but surely Harry was driving him mad.
So here he sat in Transfigurations, paired up with Harry, and he wished that McGonagall would burst into flames. She had chosen the partners, and apparently they worked well together. He buried his head in his hands, trying his best to ignore the constant smirk that Harry wore at his discomfort.
"Now class, today we will be beginning studying the art of transfiguring into an animagus. The key word is studying, because legally you can't turn into an animagus until you're 17, but hopefully you'll be able to tell what kind of animal you would turn into if you did. Your partner will ask you questions, and it will pave the road on your way to discovery." All Draco could think was flames...really big ones.
A hand fell to his thigh, and Draco jumped at the sudden contact. His head shot out from his arms, and he scooted his chair as far away from Harry as possible...earning a few odd looks along the way.
"Wow Dray, you sure are jumpy aren't you?" Draco's gaze was focused solely on Harry's pink lips, pink lips that were stretched into a sidewards grin. How could he go on knowing he could never kiss those lips again? Never touch that hair? Never hear those moans? He snapped back into reality. Now was not the time for such speculations.
"Don't touch me!...Don't you ever touch me." This only caused the grin to widen further. Draco tore his eyes away, and stared back at the paper. It was full of questions they were supposed to ask each other, and Draco paled slightly as he read them.
1. Who do you most admire?
2. What are your ambitions?
3. What are your desires?
4. What are your plans for the future?
5. Who do you see being with you in this future?
6. What's your greatest fear?
7. Are you afraid to die?
"Geez Ko don't have a heart attack...I was only trying to get your attention. You've been ignoring me lately." Draco's gaze slowly traveled back to Harry, and saw that his bottom lip was stuck out in a pout. Draco had the urge to take the lip between his teeth, but ignored it.
"I haven't been ignoring you...You can't ignore someone you've never had anything to do with in the first place." Just to make it clear, he was so ignoring him.
"Yeah well that's not how I remember last Saturday. As I recall you sliding your tongue down my throat can't really be considered with having nothing to do with me." Dammit! Why do the evil ones always have to be right?
"Um who do you most admire?" Harry raised an eyebrow at this.
"I thought we were passed the getting to know you phase." Draco rolled his eyes, before slamming the piece of paper with the questions into Harry's hands.
"Let's just get this over with so I can once again start to ignore you." The sooner this class was over, the sooner he could get back to his moping.
"So you admit that you were ignoring me!" Draco crossed his arms over his chest, and gave the best Malfoy glare he could muster...Harry just smiled at him.
"Would you just answer the damn question." Draco sulked in his seat, as Harry continued to smile. This was going to be a very long class.
"Fine fine, don't have a hissy. Who do I admire...I admire myself." Draco glared. "Or at least my former self. It has to be hard to see the love of your life riding someone else's dick." Draco shut his eyes, and flinched when a hand touched his face. "Relax Ko...you didn't know." Draco batted the hand away, quickly scribbling down some bullshit answer.
"What are your ambitions?" Draco's voice was shaky, but he got out the question. The sooner he did the better. Not thinking he could handle another one of the answers, he kept his eyes tightly shut.
"My ambition is to kill Voldemort, and rule the wizarding world with Silas. Oh yeah and have you as my personal sex slave." Draco's eyes shot open, first resting on Harry, but then on the rest of the class. Did Harry just say that out loud? Obviously sensing Draco's confusion, Harry answered his unasked question. "Don't worry Draco there's a silencing spell around us; no one can hear what we say but us." Draco wondered when in the hell Harry had cast this so called spell, but reminded himself that he would put nothing past this new Harry.
"I'll have you know that I can use none of these answers for this." As an afterthought he added. "And I will never be your sex slave." Harry smirked, but said nothing. Draco looked down at his list and blanched at the next question. "What are your desires?" Draco looked up to Harry, and gasped when he noticed how close they were...how very close they were. Their noses were practically touching.
"Well that one's easy. You naked on this table, strapped down with satin scarves, a bottle of whipped cream, and you screaming my name in ecstasy as I'm buried deep inside of you." Why'd he have to ask? Harry was so close...the need was so strong. He could lean over right now to capture the awaiting mouth, and no one would have any objection...except his Harry. Draco turned his face from the raven-haired boy, and heard a laugh in response. With an even shakier voice he continued with the questions, though he didn't know why. He was going to have to change all of the answers anyways.
"What are your plans for the future?" He heard what he thought was a growl of annoyance come from Harry, and felt himself smirk at the thought. He looked into sunglassed eyes and thought that at least he did something right. "What's the matter Ha...can't answer the question?" Damnit! Dammit! Dammit!...how could he fuck up like that?
"Why can't you say my name Draco? What are you afraid will happen?" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up to what he thought would be a smirking Harry, only to see him looking at him with what appeared to be concern.
"Because you're not him, and I won't destroy his memory by replacing him." His theory of the people in the room not being able to see or hear him was confirmed when Harry jumped up and pushed him on top of the table, pinning him against the hard surface so that he couldn't move. Amazingly the class continued to work. Draco looked up to see that Harry's glasses had been removed, and now he was staring into cold black eyes that he wished he would never see again.
"Where do you get off you fucking prick! You don't know who I am, and you don't know that I'm not Harry. Tell me oh wise one who the fuck am I if I'm not Harry!?" Draco was taken aback. He was rather stunned to say the least. It was true he didn't know who this person was, or what for that matter. He had refused to see Silas, fearing of what he might find out.
"Do you want to know my plans for the future...I plan to kiss you." 'What?' was running through the blond's mind, but it was cut off when a pair of lips were slammed against his own. He opened his mouth in a startled gasp, and choked as a tongue was slid down his throat.
He felt the desire that comes with not being with Harry for so long, and couldn't resist it. He pressed back against the body on top of him, and Harry replied by shoving him farther onto the desk so that he was practically on top of it. Not long after the boy had crawled on top to join him. Draco couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he could do nothing but kiss every piece of flesh available to him. Their mouths were once more attached, and Draco felt the buttons of his shirt began to be undone. His whole body was on fire, and he felt like he was going to explode from the sensation.
The only problem was that he kept hearing Harry's voice in his head from the one of the first times they were together, and his mind was flooded with green eyes that came with painful memories.
"It's alright Draco things can still change...you can still change." Draco choked on the tongue that was massaging his own, and he felt completely repulsed for doing it. He tried to push up on the body on top of his, but it wouldn't budge. He had to get out of here, he needed to get out of here!...He had to get away from all of those wonderful touches. Draco bit down as hard as he could on Harry's tongue, and the raven-haired boy pulled back with a whimper.
Draco didn't stop to see how the boy was, or see that angry look that lit up his features. No, he pulled a Harry and bolted. He ran from the room, ignoring the strange looks that followed him. He even ignored the two angry protests that chased him down the hall. One from his professor, and one from Harry himself.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
What the fuck was the matter with him? How could he have been so stupid? Draco had ran to the first place where he was sure no one would look for him...his former potion master's quarters. He slumped underneath his desk, and felt dry sobs rake through his body. He felt so dirty for having done that...What would his Harry have thought?
"He would have thought you were being a pussy." Draco's eyes snapped open to see blood red ones inches from his face. To say he was surprised would have been an understatement. He shot back from his place on the cold tiled floor and hit his head rather painfully on the top of the desk. He was fine, albeit the large exclamation of 'Fuck!' that came from him.
"What the hell do you want? Haven't you ruined my life enough?" A freezing hand settled on his knee, and he jerked it from Silas's grasp. He hated the bastard in front of him, and under no circumstances would he let the whore monger touch him.
"Jeez aren't we a little grumpy this morning. Tell me Draco what ever is the matter?" Silas's voice was laced with sarcasm, and Draco couldn't take the rage that was pumping through his veins anymore. In what would probably be considered a suicidal decision by most, he lunged at Silas, knocking him backwards into the ground.
Silas's head hit the concrete with a sickening crack, but Draco didn't notice...No, he was much too busy laying punches on every piece of Silas he could get his hands on. He punched over and over, and the boy underneath him never once made a move to stop him. "You stole him from me...you took him away! I want him back! I WANT HIM BACK!" He yelled over and over nonsense things, and he didn't even really register what he was screaming.
He screamed until he was hoarse, and he punched till his fists ached and began to bleed. The dry sobs came back to him, and he collapsed upon Silas's chest. To his bitter annoyance he felt arms wrap around him in comfort. How could he comfort him? Even though he felt sick about doing it, he buried his head further into Silas's chest, and the once dry sobs, became rather wet ones.
"Shhh Ko shhhh just let it all out, it's alright...it's alright." Draco didn't want to, but he was taking comfort in Silas's words. He had never known any better, and he was just too stressed out by this point to care. He was exhausted from lack of sleep, and he was famished from no food. He was mentally and physically exhausted, and he felt himself getting more and more delirious. Once he closed his eyes he could feel himself slipping farther and farther out of his mind, and so he fell asleep on Silas' chest like he had done so often before, only this time not in love...not even in hate, but out of dire necessity. He would deal with the world once he got a little sleep. Before he fully drifted off he thought he heard Silas's voice whispering in his ear. "Don't worry my dragon...I'll take care of you...I'll make everything better."
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
The thing about clichés is that sometimes, more often than not actually, they held considerable truth to them. The one in particular that kept running through Draco's mind was 'you don't know what you have till it's gone' But what was eating away at him the most was that he fucking knew what he had, he didn't need it stolen away from him. He was ready to spend the rest of his life worshipping the grounds that his love walked on, regardless of where this might land him. But no, his chance of happiness had been ripped away from him, and he knew what he had lost. Now all that there was left to do was just pray that it came back.
A Malfoy wasn't raised to act like this. They weren't supposed to be so emotional over their partners. Just look at his father, he didn't give a fuck about his mother. Sure he would say he loved her and would adorn her with the finest clothes, jewelry, and gifts, but if she were to die tomorrow Draco was sure without a doubt that Lucius would not shed a single tear. It wasn't in his nature, and he had programmed it not to be in his either, but too bad he fucked up royally in that department.
Draco could remember the exact moment in which he turned his back on his father's teachings. It was in fact one of the most vivid memories he possessed.
~~ FlAsHbAcK ~~
It was my 15th birthday, and in honor of a 'Malfoy coming to age' my father had thrown a momentous party. Of course I had been naive back then, but never stupid. I knew the real reason father had thrown the party, it wasn't for my enjoyment...oh no, it was to be my initiation. My welcoming into the ranks of Voldemort's inner circle...I was to become a death eater, and the saddest part was that I almost pissed myself in anticipation.
I remember walking into my room, and slipping open my vast wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit...nothing besides perfect could be good enough to welcome my new 'master' in after all. Okay so maybe I was a little stupid, but in all fairness I didn't know any better. Reaching in I grabbed black slacks made from the best material money could buy, and an blood red shirt made from the finest silk. I went to grab my gel for my hair, but seeing my reflection stopped short. My white-blonde hair hung like a halo around my face, and I hadn't the heart to ruin it...that was the official date I gave up on gelling my hair back to please my father. Ah the start of my rebellion...good times.
For a final touch to my outfit, I grabbed my black cashmere cloak, which was customary for occasions such as this. High society rules really are just ridicules, but hey who wants to argue? With one last look at my reflection, I grasped the doorknob and left to join my guests.
Despite the huge area that the party was held in, it was still stifling. Even all of the cooling charms cast on the mansion couldn't dim out all the body heat from the many guests, 200 in all father had said. Not that that really mattered, few had actually come out of care for me. No, they had come because my father told them to, and nobody disobeyed an order from Lucius Malfoy.
There were many familiar faces, though if asked to put a name to these so called faces, I would respond with a simple 'go to hell.' Many of them had been at father's other parties, he had a lot after all. Plus most of them were also involved with father in his 'business' areas, if told to take of their shirts without a doubt 90% of the people would have a skull glowing furiously on their arm. To be honest I never really did like the mark, there were just way too many other symbols that were better. If you were trying to be the best, why settle at anything but?
Out of the corner of my eye brown and black hair caught my attention. Pansy and Blaise, finally some familiar faces. They have always been my best friends, the two overgrown lackeys that follow me everywhere were never my choice, and they were just another thing for my father to control.
"Happy birthday Dray baby." Though annoyed by the nickname, I couldn't control my mouth from raising in a slight grin. Pansy didn't know any better after all, and well I kinda liked her.
"Hey Panse, what's shaking?" Her features were soon covered in a deep blush, and I couldn't help but smile seductively. It was no secret that the dark haired girl desperately wanted to get into my pants. She wouldn't blush at every common thing though, but rest assured if I wanted to fuck her all I had to do was ask, no one refused a Malfoy, not even... "Blaise Zabini you're looking smashing this evening...I can't believe you actually decided to shower and put something decent on. And was this all for me...ahhh I feel so loved." Blaise smirked, but also quickly looked away. You could see a faint blush on his features as well. It seems I haven't lost my touch yet. The brunette, after composing himself, turned back to me with a small sign of a smirk on his face. Something of course that wasn't new, but he did look rather sexy with his chestnut hair falling in front of his baby blue eyes.
"I heard about what's supposed to happen tonight Drake...you excited?" I felt a smirk tug at my lips, and felt myself walking closer to the boy so that my breath ghosted over his lips. A shutter ran through him at the action, and I felt myself smiling even more.
"Zabini I'm about to get all I could ever hope for...what do you think?" What Blaise thought never made it past his lips, because Pansy had launched herself at me, and was now hanging rather painfully around my neck.
"Oh Draco I'm so jealous...It's no fair that you're so spoiled!" My eyebrow rose at the assumption, and rather forcefully I pried her arms from around my neck. The girl had a hella good grip, and having such a pale complexion, not to mention baby soft skin, I did seem to bruise rather easily.
"I take offense to that Pansy. Just because you get every that you could ever want, doesn't mean that you're in the least bit spoiled." The words repeated over and over in my mind, and yet I think I was actually serious about what I said. God I was a git! "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find my father." I turned around, and with a small wave of my hand left them alone again. Now was not the time for socialites, now was the time to decide the rest of my life.
I had set off to find my father, and find him I did. Though for many months later I had wished I hadn't, that was before I had come to the truth though. After carefully searching the entire west wing of the mansion, the only other possible place he could be was his own private chambers, so with a spring in my step I headed to what I wished could be permanently burned from my mind. Right outside my parents' bedroom, I heard voices, and what sounded considerably like moaning. Confused, I attached myself to the wall, attempting to listen to what was being said.
"The...boy...will...be...mine." The voice was definitely Voldemort's, and unbeknownst a chill raked through my body. Another soon followed it as I heard my father's shaky reply.
"Yes...god yes...he will be yours...he has agreed to serve you mmmm...to do whatever you wish my lord." Not being able to take this listening shit anymore, I carefully cracked the door open to get a view of what the hell was going on. My heart stopped in my chest, and I fought the urge to either scream or throw up.
Lying on the bed with his trousers down was my father, the Great Lucius Malfoy. His hair was completely disheveled and he was moaning like some animal. Behind him stood the Dark Lord Voldemort...pounding into him without a care in the world...they were rutting like animals and they didn't even seem to notice.
Is this what I would become? Some sex toy of Voldemort's? Never when thinking about my life as a death eater did it include leaning over on a bed with his cock pumping in and out of me. In my mind my father was always a picture of perfection that I could never even think of reaching...hearing Voldemort scream in pleasure and empty his seed into my father's ass destroyed any sort of picture that was in my mind.
Without another thought I ran from the room as quick as I could, in fact I ran from the mansion all together. I kept running until my lungs burned, and my legs ached. I kept running until I couldn't run any farther, and ended up somewhere in the forest outside of our estate.
The grass was wet and cold under me, but I ignored the chills that were going through my body. In truth I didn't even care anymore. My entire sense of self was destroyed, so let me freeze to death out in a forest, it would be better than the sense of worthlessness that was running through my veins.
"Things can't be perfect my dragon." My eyes shot open at the voice of my savior, my prince, my love. He was just standing there looking at me. His eyes held no emotion, but I didn't need them to. With as much grace as I could muster I forced myself to my feet, and stared into the red eyes that I had grown to adore. My eyes were filled with need; I was begging him to say something, begging him to make the pain go away...He had to make the pain go away. "You don't have to be like him Draco. It's your choice rather you become your father, or someone even greater."
"Greater than somebody's bitch do you mean?" I spat out. The very thought of my father left a disgusting taste in my mouth. "All of my life I have looked up to him like he was some kind of god, and now my whole mind is shattered and I don't know how to feel. What do I do Silas?" Even though my words hadn't been desperate, that was how I felt. I wanted him to make everything go away, all the hurt, all the longing. I wanted to be a new person, I wanted a new destiny. Without really saying it I gave myself to him that day.
His arms engulfed me, and I ignored the coldness that came from his touches. All I wanted was him, and he complied. He pulled my mouth to his, and I opened almost eagerly, lost to anything but the passion I was feeling at the moment. He had claimed me, and I had let him...but then I didn't care. He laid me back on the grass, and I didn't care. Even when we were both lying there naked, I didn't care.
"Don't worry my dragon I'll take care of it...and you. I'll take care of you forever." Little did I know I had sold my soul away that day.
~~ EnD oF fLaShBaCk ~~
His father had ruined everything that day, and he was still continuing to. After all if his father hadn't fucked up his way of thinking, Silas wouldn't have Harry right now. But no, he couldn't blame things on his father any longer, now it was time to face up to his own mistakes. Now was the time to make things right. He would do it! He would save his Harry...though he did not know how.
His situation seemed even more desolate when he looked up into pitch black eyes, which only a day ago held undying love for him and him only. Now though all he could see within their depths was hate. He didn't know how this had happened; all that he knew was that somehow it had to have been his fault. For the ritual to be complete Harry had to have been willing, and Draco knew that he had to have done something to him to make him willing. His heart clenched when he thought back to the night before, he had known that that Harry didn't act right, but he was too caught up in the feeling to give a shit. So in other words he had cheated on his one and only love without even knowing about it.
Draco shut his eyes at that. He couldn't even believe he had thought that. Though it was no time to feel bad about deceiving Harry, not when he had been doing it all year. How could he ever justify loving Harry, when he had been with another the entire time? He blocked that thought out...he was in love with Harry, he knew he was. The blond just prayed that he could get the Harry he was in love with back, and if he did that he would forgive him for all of his stupid stupid mistakes.
"What's wrong Ko?...you're so quiet. Don't tell me you're feeling regret...You should know that that emotion doesn't even register with you." Draco's eyes shot back open to the smirking boy who had now sat down on top of the water.
"And how do you know how I feel?" Draco couldn't help the bitterness that came along with his voice.
"Well you know sleeping with you for seven months does seem to give a person that kind of insight." Draco's hands clenched at his sides. How dare he say such things...how dare him!
"Shut the fuck up! I did not sleep with you! You're not my Harry, you're not him...you're just a monster." Draco had by this point dropped to his knees, and couldn't stop the shakes that were going through his body. He did his best to ignore the wet footsteps that were coming towards him; he tried his best to ignore the world. But the world would not leave him alone. He heard someone kneel next to him, but refused to look up. Even when his face was lifted up he refused to open his eyes...He was just way too scared of what he might see.
"Look at me Draco." He refused, but this Harry was rather persistent, at least in that aspect they were alike. "Look into my eyes and tell me that if I kissed you you wouldn't kiss back." A warm feeling rushed through his veins as a finger traced his cheek; it felt so familiar...so much like his Harry. The boy in front of him even smelt like his Harry...If he kept his eyes closed he could almost pretend that it was his Harry.
He could feel the boy's breath ghost across his lips, and could already tell his resolve was going to waver. A hand traveled to his raven tresses, and it felt so much like his Harry's. He couldn't believe how much he wanted the boy at the moment, but knew it could never happen. Draco felt warm tears cascade down his cheek at the thought of what he lost...but he knew what he had had. Why then did it get taken away from him?
"You really don't know how beautiful you are do you?" That did it. All resolve Draco had had was torn apart by those 10 words, the same 10 words Harry had uttered to him earlier. He got a tighter grasp on the hair that was curled in his hands, and with still shut eyes, pulled the boy's lips to his.
He felt like Harry, he smelt like Harry, gods he even tasted like Harry. A part of his mind was telling him that this wasn't the person he loved anymore, but he couldn't help but continue to kiss the mouth that opened so willingly to him. It was a very wet kiss, because the salty tears had leaked on both of their lips, it was a kiss full of desperation of his loss, but Draco didn't care. All he could think about was kissing this Harry, and how if he didn't open his eyes he could still pretend that it was his Harry.
"Jeez the two of you should really consider getting a room to do that in." Draco jumped at the words, and without thinking threw Harry so that he was behind him. Making damn well sure that his demon eyes were covered from view. Draco reluctantly opened his eyes, and saw that it was Ron and Hermione who had interrupted his descent into madness. He felt Harry bury his head in his shoulder, and allowed it because it clearly covered the eyes that he wanted desperately to hide.
"What are you doing here Weasel?" Draco tried desperately to ignore the tongue that was licking the exposed skin on his shoulder; he tried with all his might to ignore the feelings of pleasure that were traveling straight to his groin. "And you Mudblood, don't you have studying to do or something?" He looked at the girl in front of him with hate filled eyes. It was her fault...she was the one that did this to him, or at least he could blame her.
"Don't talk to her like that Malfoy." Draco thought he could talk to the bitch however he wanted to, but then thoughts left him when his shoulder was bit. Knowing that he was going to lose control soon, he took out his wand, and using a stick on the ground transfigured a pair of sunglasses. Stuffing them in Harry's hand, he quickly made it to his feet and got as much space as possible between them.
"I'll talk to her however I feel like Weasel...She's a mudblood whore not worthy of my time, or my manners." Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Harry had stood as well, and had placed a hand over his mouth to no doubt cover his grin.
"What is wrong with you Draco? What did I do to make you so cold towards me all of a sudden?...I thought we were becoming friends." Harry had come rather close to the blond, and Draco heard a cough come from him...but it was obvious he was trying to cover a laugh.
"Friends Granger? Don't make me laugh; I could never become friends with the likes of you. And as to what you did...you made me feel." With that said he stalked away, blocking out Harry's chuckle, and Hermione's questions. He didn't even bother to respond to the weasel's insults. He just walked back to the castle and prayed for a quick death.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The next week Draco could honestly say was the worst of his life, and the thing that upset him the most was that nobody noticed. Not only did they not notice him, they didn't seem to notice anything. They didn't notice the fact that Harry never took off the sunglasses he wore, the same ones Draco had transfigured for him by the lake. They really did look good on him with their emerald rims, and pitch black lenses, but Draco came to despise them. They were hiding the monster within, and nobody seemed to notice.
Nobody seemed to notice how Harry looked disgustingly at all his Gryffindor housemates, they didn't seem to care that every chance he got he would make some sort of insult to one of them...they just laughed thinking it was a joke. But Draco saw Harry's face, and knew that was far from the truth.
The teachers didn't seem to notice how every class Harry would never have his work done, and if asked about it would just make up a sarcastic comment for an excuse, no they would just except that and move on. Draco hated them for that, he hated everyone. Probably the most noble and greatest person alive had turned into a monster, and they didn't even care.
Draco hated all of his house, but he especially hated Blaise. His supposed 'best friend' had ruined his entire life for a few moments of pleasure promised to him by Silas. But than again he knew Silas had made them his pawns...he knew so when he had made him get them involved on the train at Christmas break. In all honesty Blaise probably hadn't had a clue what he was doing, but that didn't stop Draco from despising the brunette and everything that he was.
The blond felt dead inside, and he was sure he looked it. He didn't eat...he didn't sleep...he didn't live. He tried his hardest to avoid the one thing he knew could give him peace...or at least a fake sense of it anyways. He had refused to talk to Silas, and even though he wanted to with all his heart, he couldn't even look at Harry. The fact that he could will his mind to pretend that he was still the same person he fell in love with made him sick to his stomach. He felt like he was betraying the person he loved, and for that he would stay away from him at all costs...no matter how much it hurt.
Though this wasn't as easy as it sounds. Harry seemed determined to torture him in whatever means he found fit. Rather it be the little touches every time they passed in the halls, the secret notes that would be delivered to him from 'no one', or last but not least having to watch him play tonsil hockey with the Gryffindor bitch...slowly but surely Harry was driving him mad.
So here he sat in Transfigurations, paired up with Harry, and he wished that McGonagall would burst into flames. She had chosen the partners, and apparently they worked well together. He buried his head in his hands, trying his best to ignore the constant smirk that Harry wore at his discomfort.
"Now class, today we will be beginning studying the art of transfiguring into an animagus. The key word is studying, because legally you can't turn into an animagus until you're 17, but hopefully you'll be able to tell what kind of animal you would turn into if you did. Your partner will ask you questions, and it will pave the road on your way to discovery." All Draco could think was flames...really big ones.
A hand fell to his thigh, and Draco jumped at the sudden contact. His head shot out from his arms, and he scooted his chair as far away from Harry as possible...earning a few odd looks along the way.
"Wow Dray, you sure are jumpy aren't you?" Draco's gaze was focused solely on Harry's pink lips, pink lips that were stretched into a sidewards grin. How could he go on knowing he could never kiss those lips again? Never touch that hair? Never hear those moans? He snapped back into reality. Now was not the time for such speculations.
"Don't touch me!...Don't you ever touch me." This only caused the grin to widen further. Draco tore his eyes away, and stared back at the paper. It was full of questions they were supposed to ask each other, and Draco paled slightly as he read them.
1. Who do you most admire?
2. What are your ambitions?
3. What are your desires?
4. What are your plans for the future?
5. Who do you see being with you in this future?
6. What's your greatest fear?
7. Are you afraid to die?
"Geez Ko don't have a heart attack...I was only trying to get your attention. You've been ignoring me lately." Draco's gaze slowly traveled back to Harry, and saw that his bottom lip was stuck out in a pout. Draco had the urge to take the lip between his teeth, but ignored it.
"I haven't been ignoring you...You can't ignore someone you've never had anything to do with in the first place." Just to make it clear, he was so ignoring him.
"Yeah well that's not how I remember last Saturday. As I recall you sliding your tongue down my throat can't really be considered with having nothing to do with me." Dammit! Why do the evil ones always have to be right?
"Um who do you most admire?" Harry raised an eyebrow at this.
"I thought we were passed the getting to know you phase." Draco rolled his eyes, before slamming the piece of paper with the questions into Harry's hands.
"Let's just get this over with so I can once again start to ignore you." The sooner this class was over, the sooner he could get back to his moping.
"So you admit that you were ignoring me!" Draco crossed his arms over his chest, and gave the best Malfoy glare he could muster...Harry just smiled at him.
"Would you just answer the damn question." Draco sulked in his seat, as Harry continued to smile. This was going to be a very long class.
"Fine fine, don't have a hissy. Who do I admire...I admire myself." Draco glared. "Or at least my former self. It has to be hard to see the love of your life riding someone else's dick." Draco shut his eyes, and flinched when a hand touched his face. "Relax Ko...you didn't know." Draco batted the hand away, quickly scribbling down some bullshit answer.
"What are your ambitions?" Draco's voice was shaky, but he got out the question. The sooner he did the better. Not thinking he could handle another one of the answers, he kept his eyes tightly shut.
"My ambition is to kill Voldemort, and rule the wizarding world with Silas. Oh yeah and have you as my personal sex slave." Draco's eyes shot open, first resting on Harry, but then on the rest of the class. Did Harry just say that out loud? Obviously sensing Draco's confusion, Harry answered his unasked question. "Don't worry Draco there's a silencing spell around us; no one can hear what we say but us." Draco wondered when in the hell Harry had cast this so called spell, but reminded himself that he would put nothing past this new Harry.
"I'll have you know that I can use none of these answers for this." As an afterthought he added. "And I will never be your sex slave." Harry smirked, but said nothing. Draco looked down at his list and blanched at the next question. "What are your desires?" Draco looked up to Harry, and gasped when he noticed how close they were...how very close they were. Their noses were practically touching.
"Well that one's easy. You naked on this table, strapped down with satin scarves, a bottle of whipped cream, and you screaming my name in ecstasy as I'm buried deep inside of you." Why'd he have to ask? Harry was so close...the need was so strong. He could lean over right now to capture the awaiting mouth, and no one would have any objection...except his Harry. Draco turned his face from the raven-haired boy, and heard a laugh in response. With an even shakier voice he continued with the questions, though he didn't know why. He was going to have to change all of the answers anyways.
"What are your plans for the future?" He heard what he thought was a growl of annoyance come from Harry, and felt himself smirk at the thought. He looked into sunglassed eyes and thought that at least he did something right. "What's the matter Ha...can't answer the question?" Damnit! Dammit! Dammit!...how could he fuck up like that?
"Why can't you say my name Draco? What are you afraid will happen?" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up to what he thought would be a smirking Harry, only to see him looking at him with what appeared to be concern.
"Because you're not him, and I won't destroy his memory by replacing him." His theory of the people in the room not being able to see or hear him was confirmed when Harry jumped up and pushed him on top of the table, pinning him against the hard surface so that he couldn't move. Amazingly the class continued to work. Draco looked up to see that Harry's glasses had been removed, and now he was staring into cold black eyes that he wished he would never see again.
"Where do you get off you fucking prick! You don't know who I am, and you don't know that I'm not Harry. Tell me oh wise one who the fuck am I if I'm not Harry!?" Draco was taken aback. He was rather stunned to say the least. It was true he didn't know who this person was, or what for that matter. He had refused to see Silas, fearing of what he might find out.
"Do you want to know my plans for the future...I plan to kiss you." 'What?' was running through the blond's mind, but it was cut off when a pair of lips were slammed against his own. He opened his mouth in a startled gasp, and choked as a tongue was slid down his throat.
He felt the desire that comes with not being with Harry for so long, and couldn't resist it. He pressed back against the body on top of him, and Harry replied by shoving him farther onto the desk so that he was practically on top of it. Not long after the boy had crawled on top to join him. Draco couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he could do nothing but kiss every piece of flesh available to him. Their mouths were once more attached, and Draco felt the buttons of his shirt began to be undone. His whole body was on fire, and he felt like he was going to explode from the sensation.
The only problem was that he kept hearing Harry's voice in his head from the one of the first times they were together, and his mind was flooded with green eyes that came with painful memories.
"It's alright Draco things can still change...you can still change." Draco choked on the tongue that was massaging his own, and he felt completely repulsed for doing it. He tried to push up on the body on top of his, but it wouldn't budge. He had to get out of here, he needed to get out of here!...He had to get away from all of those wonderful touches. Draco bit down as hard as he could on Harry's tongue, and the raven-haired boy pulled back with a whimper.
Draco didn't stop to see how the boy was, or see that angry look that lit up his features. No, he pulled a Harry and bolted. He ran from the room, ignoring the strange looks that followed him. He even ignored the two angry protests that chased him down the hall. One from his professor, and one from Harry himself.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
What the fuck was the matter with him? How could he have been so stupid? Draco had ran to the first place where he was sure no one would look for him...his former potion master's quarters. He slumped underneath his desk, and felt dry sobs rake through his body. He felt so dirty for having done that...What would his Harry have thought?
"He would have thought you were being a pussy." Draco's eyes snapped open to see blood red ones inches from his face. To say he was surprised would have been an understatement. He shot back from his place on the cold tiled floor and hit his head rather painfully on the top of the desk. He was fine, albeit the large exclamation of 'Fuck!' that came from him.
"What the hell do you want? Haven't you ruined my life enough?" A freezing hand settled on his knee, and he jerked it from Silas's grasp. He hated the bastard in front of him, and under no circumstances would he let the whore monger touch him.
"Jeez aren't we a little grumpy this morning. Tell me Draco what ever is the matter?" Silas's voice was laced with sarcasm, and Draco couldn't take the rage that was pumping through his veins anymore. In what would probably be considered a suicidal decision by most, he lunged at Silas, knocking him backwards into the ground.
Silas's head hit the concrete with a sickening crack, but Draco didn't notice...No, he was much too busy laying punches on every piece of Silas he could get his hands on. He punched over and over, and the boy underneath him never once made a move to stop him. "You stole him from me...you took him away! I want him back! I WANT HIM BACK!" He yelled over and over nonsense things, and he didn't even really register what he was screaming.
He screamed until he was hoarse, and he punched till his fists ached and began to bleed. The dry sobs came back to him, and he collapsed upon Silas's chest. To his bitter annoyance he felt arms wrap around him in comfort. How could he comfort him? Even though he felt sick about doing it, he buried his head further into Silas's chest, and the once dry sobs, became rather wet ones.
"Shhh Ko shhhh just let it all out, it's alright...it's alright." Draco didn't want to, but he was taking comfort in Silas's words. He had never known any better, and he was just too stressed out by this point to care. He was exhausted from lack of sleep, and he was famished from no food. He was mentally and physically exhausted, and he felt himself getting more and more delirious. Once he closed his eyes he could feel himself slipping farther and farther out of his mind, and so he fell asleep on Silas' chest like he had done so often before, only this time not in love...not even in hate, but out of dire necessity. He would deal with the world once he got a little sleep. Before he fully drifted off he thought he heard Silas's voice whispering in his ear. "Don't worry my dragon...I'll take care of you...I'll make everything better."
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
Sign up to rate and review this story