FicWad

Is this real? Is any of it real? Colors blend together, shapes morph. Nothing is recognizable anymore. But oh God you are. You've never changed after all these slow passing years. The color in you still shines so bright. But that day should have never happened. A fragile heart was shattered that day. A fragile soul. One more so than my own. I hear you scream from the room next door driven crazy by my madness. You said you'd follow me anywhere. But you followed me too far into my darkness that time. If I had only known. I would have severed the ties long before. I knew how weak you truly were. Behind the façade of you and the boy I loved so dearly was a weakness you wouldn't show the world. And I refused to see it. No. I saw it. I just refused to believe it. I should have ripped those paper thin strings tying our hearts and souls together into a million pieces. I hear you scream again. Oh how it comforts me to know your there. But how it scares everyone else. It saddens me to know I caused you to be here with me in these dingy white walls. But I only thought of myself. I still do truly. Your safety should have meant more to me. I was selfish. I now hear you whimpering lightly. A lost puppy in the rain looking for shelter from the brutality of the wind and man kinds cruelty. They must have come to see you. Which means I am next. There will be no stopping them as much as I would like. With the sleep they insist must happen comes the guilt. The pain of my mistakes. I start to shake and try to move to rise from the cardboard they try to convince us that are beds. I want to be by your side. I want to comfort you. Their shots, their pills wont do for you what I can. But the straps around my arms forbid me to see you my love. They say if they release me from this cage I will harm myself. But aren't they harming me more than I did myself? To what I did to us? Their coming in now. The monsters will return to me. But maybe when I awake I can find you, hold you once again. My arm burns from the liquid pouring into my veins. The sharpness that had begun to return to my vision, once again blurs. I see you, but is not you all at the same time. It's the monster who haunts me. What have I done to you? How did I do such horrible things? I hear the door click shut behind the man as he leaves bottles clinking. The molten liquid that he has poured into me is causing me to leave you. Those screams. I recognize them more clearly now. They are not yours. No they are my own. You are no longer with me are you? You've left me. You've left us all. I can't hold you because I made that impossible. The knife was meant for me. Not for you. If you had only came later. I would be where you are. You weren't the one that was supposed to die that night. No. It was I who was supposed to. Everything is getting colorless again. But the sharpness of that night returns. The screaming I hear. Is that my own? I can't hold on any longer to the foot hold of consciousness. I will return to you once more when I escape this mortal hell. I'll return to you and give you all my love. All that I couldn't give you before and what I can't give you now. I'll release myself one day into a heaven where our souls can love again.


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