Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Cared for.
Remus isn't sure if Sirius cares. (For events happening before Prisoner of Azkaban) For chain_of_fics @ lj
?Blocked
"You shouldn't ever wonder if I care."
Remus' right hand clutches the sheets and he covers his mouth with his left one, ineffectually masking his groans. He buries his face into the blankets, gasping against the worn out cotton as his hips move. It is over too soon as he feels a hand covering him, finishing him off with a few quick jerks and the warm body moving away from his back. Remus lies on the sheet, trembling, feeling spent yet unsatisfied, unable to say anything to Sirius.
The bed sheets rustle as Sirius move to get dressed. Remus closes his eyes and pretends sleep. Sirius' hand cups his cheek and he smells the firewhiskey on Sirius' breath when he leans forward to plant the first kiss of the night on Remus' cheek, murmuring some endearment against his ear. Sirius stumbles out of his room, this time being careful enough to close the door quietly and Remus bites the inside of his mouth and reaches for his wand.
The pattern has not changed since they left school.
Remus will wake up and he will not find Sirius in the flat anywhere. Remus will have breakfast alone, chewing on bread and having a hot cup of tea. After which, Remus will go out, lock the door despite the teasing he gets from his friends, and make his way to work. The owner of the bookstore is friendly, in an "I will take all advantage I can of you because I know you cannot afford to lose this job" way, but Remus enjoys his job, it isn't like he can get anything better. He reads when he has the time in the shop, serves the giggling schoolgirls and grumpy schoolboys, politely refuse the advances of his employer and he goes home to do have dinner alone.
The flat is small, but Remus takes pride in it because it is his own, paid for from the money he has saved and in his own name. His muggle landlords are nice people, grandparents to a whole brood of young grandchildren, and they have taken a liking to Remus, asking him over for dinner sometimes. Mrs Hindley bakes and she will always leave a brown bag full of brownies for him and Remus finds himself perking up when he walks down the corridor to his flat and he smells the chocolate wafting from their door.
"Why don't we share a flat together?"
Remus shakes his head every time Sirius brings up the topic of staying together. It is too troublesome, Remus reminds Sirius, and it is. Under wizarding law, werewolves are not allowed to own any property, hence the muggle flat. Remus knows how Sirius feels about wanting something to call his own, and in that, Remus knows that Sirius doesn't understand him at all. And who could blame Sirius? Sirius, who has never been shunned by society for who he is, who cannot understand the agony of losing his mind every month (though Remus knows that the blame for this shouldn't be placed on Sirius), who sails through life like it is one big party.
The Death Eaters find him once, running wild in the forest, and chain him to a tree. They take turns casting various spells and curses on his wolf form, and to this day, Remus still doesn't know how he survived. He doesn't remember anything of that night, only from what James had told him. Apparently, they had gone to visit him, knowing it was the full moon and wanting to join him. Remus remembers Sirius mopping his brow, arguing with James about something, but he was always tired after a transformation and he had drifted off to sleep.
The betrayal will never go away, it seems.
Remus clutches the simple gold ring in his right hand, and covers his mouth with his left, letting the tears fall down. He lies in bed, eyes adjusting to the darkness and counts the cracks in the ceiling, telling himself that he should have seen it coming, that he shouldn't be surprised. There isn't anyone to blame for this but himself.
He wondered if he had ever cared before.
Remus' right hand clutches the sheets and he covers his mouth with his left one, ineffectually masking his groans. He buries his face into the blankets, gasping against the worn out cotton as his hips move. It is over too soon as he feels a hand covering him, finishing him off with a few quick jerks and the warm body moving away from his back. Remus lies on the sheet, trembling, feeling spent yet unsatisfied, unable to say anything to Sirius.
The bed sheets rustle as Sirius move to get dressed. Remus closes his eyes and pretends sleep. Sirius' hand cups his cheek and he smells the firewhiskey on Sirius' breath when he leans forward to plant the first kiss of the night on Remus' cheek, murmuring some endearment against his ear. Sirius stumbles out of his room, this time being careful enough to close the door quietly and Remus bites the inside of his mouth and reaches for his wand.
The pattern has not changed since they left school.
Remus will wake up and he will not find Sirius in the flat anywhere. Remus will have breakfast alone, chewing on bread and having a hot cup of tea. After which, Remus will go out, lock the door despite the teasing he gets from his friends, and make his way to work. The owner of the bookstore is friendly, in an "I will take all advantage I can of you because I know you cannot afford to lose this job" way, but Remus enjoys his job, it isn't like he can get anything better. He reads when he has the time in the shop, serves the giggling schoolgirls and grumpy schoolboys, politely refuse the advances of his employer and he goes home to do have dinner alone.
The flat is small, but Remus takes pride in it because it is his own, paid for from the money he has saved and in his own name. His muggle landlords are nice people, grandparents to a whole brood of young grandchildren, and they have taken a liking to Remus, asking him over for dinner sometimes. Mrs Hindley bakes and she will always leave a brown bag full of brownies for him and Remus finds himself perking up when he walks down the corridor to his flat and he smells the chocolate wafting from their door.
"Why don't we share a flat together?"
Remus shakes his head every time Sirius brings up the topic of staying together. It is too troublesome, Remus reminds Sirius, and it is. Under wizarding law, werewolves are not allowed to own any property, hence the muggle flat. Remus knows how Sirius feels about wanting something to call his own, and in that, Remus knows that Sirius doesn't understand him at all. And who could blame Sirius? Sirius, who has never been shunned by society for who he is, who cannot understand the agony of losing his mind every month (though Remus knows that the blame for this shouldn't be placed on Sirius), who sails through life like it is one big party.
The Death Eaters find him once, running wild in the forest, and chain him to a tree. They take turns casting various spells and curses on his wolf form, and to this day, Remus still doesn't know how he survived. He doesn't remember anything of that night, only from what James had told him. Apparently, they had gone to visit him, knowing it was the full moon and wanting to join him. Remus remembers Sirius mopping his brow, arguing with James about something, but he was always tired after a transformation and he had drifted off to sleep.
The betrayal will never go away, it seems.
Remus clutches the simple gold ring in his right hand, and covers his mouth with his left, letting the tears fall down. He lies in bed, eyes adjusting to the darkness and counts the cracks in the ceiling, telling himself that he should have seen it coming, that he shouldn't be surprised. There isn't anyone to blame for this but himself.
He wondered if he had ever cared before.
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