Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I'm Mixed Up With These Drugs.
The days and weeks seemed to blur together and mix into my never-ending nightmare. The pills were clutched securely in my hands. My body was shaking uncontrollably; my mind was so mixed up - I was so confused. Several times now I had placed the pills in my mouth with the intention of swallowing them, but each time I spat them back out.
I had been hiding in the hallway closet for what could have been days, but as I looked at my watch I realised it had only been a couple of hours. Moving my foot slightly I felt the silky bag rub against my skin. Chills ran throughout my body, the pills seemed to already have an effect on me, even without my consuming them.
Pete had left hours ago, the memory of him leaving still vivid in my mind. Our last exchange of words hung in the air like a thick blanket of smoke. I wanted to cry and feel sorry for myself, I just couldn’t though. I knew exactly what I was doing when I had bought these pills.
I was essentially giving up my life with Pete; my life in general. Exactly like Pete had giving up our life together. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, and yet that didn’t stop either of us. It definitely didn’t stop me from handing over the money, in fact it only gave me more reason to do so.
But here I was, hidden in a fucking closet and physically unable to swallow a few pills.
“Suck it up, Bailee,” I mumbled harshly to myself.
Bringing my shaking hand up to my mouth, I roughly shoved the pills into it. I clamped both hands over my mouth in order to keep myself from spitting the pills back out. I almost gagged two times before I finally got the handful of pills down.
I began to giggle, already feeling the pills go straight to my head. Several minutes had passed and my giggling only increased into full-blown laughter. I wasn’t sure why I was laughing, but I couldn’t seem to stop. I had just lost everything that had ever mattered to me and it only made me laugh harder.
The image of Pete and the nameless girl being caught out only seemed to increase my laughing. Shit, it wasn’t upsetting at all anymore, just plain funny. My life was over and it was funny.
My laughter didn’t even stop as I was being pulled from my safe haven. I couldn’t see who has pulled me out of the closet, but by the feel of it I could tell it was Pete. My eyes were closed tightly and no matter how hard I tried to open them, I just couldn’t.
Pete’s voice was all around me, though I couldn’t work out a word of it. I breathed in deeply trying to get my body to calm down enough so I would be able to open my eyes and comprehend what Pete was saying.
My laughing still continued to escape my mouth and I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to laugh at everything; my life, Pete, my parents, that stupid girl, the clinic, the drugs.
I managed to finally open my eyes, though it was useless, I couldn’t see a thing, except the blurred image of my lover, or ex lover. I wasn’t sure anymore.
I felt the hot air rush from his mouth as he whispered into my ear.
“Just breath,” Pete whispered.
“I’m dying,” I laughed.
And that’s when my body began to go numb; when I had admitted the only truth I knew. I was dying; I could feel it coursing through my body. Death was coming for me, slowly but surely.
My blurry vision became clear all of a sudden, and I could make out everything with perfect clarity. Pete became clear; every single feature on his face was now standing out, including the tears falling from his eyes.
“You’re not going to die,” Pete said firmly.
I laughed bitterly. Shit, how could he not see that I have been dying for years? Ever since I put that first pill in my mouth I began to die.
“It had to happen sometime.”
Although I couldn’t feel it, I knew Pete’s hands were squeezing me harder than he ever had. Maybe he thought the harder he squeezed, the more chance he would have of saving me. It was impossible to save me though; impossible and pointless.
Then it moved my lungs. I was finding it harder and harder to breath with each breath I tried to take.
“Just breath, the ambulance is on its way,” Pete whispered in my ear.
And then my body went limp. Pete caught me just before I ungracefully hit the ground. Pete sat on the ground, pulling me into his chest.
I could feel the effects the drugs were having on my body but my mind was clear. It was the strangest sensation I have ever felt. I could comprehend everything that was happening to me, I just couldn’t stop it. And maybe I didn’t want to stop it.
“Please don’t give up,” Pete sobbed.
His face was resting in the crook of my neck and shoulder, making it wet with the tears that fell from his eyes. I wanted to reach out and stroke his face, calm him down, but my body wouldn’t move.
“You don’t need me in your life, Pete. You’ve got her now.”
The words were almost impossible to get out. Not because I didn’t believe a word of it –it was among a few of the only things that I did believe- they were hard to get out because my lungs wouldn’t allow it.
“Don’t say that. I need you more than anything. She was a mistake, just a stupid mistake.”
Then my vision disappeared. It was almost as if someone was dimming the light in the room, and I watched as my world turned pitch black.
Ignoring Pete’s last comment I gasped out, “she could love you better than I ever did. And even if she doesn’t, promise me you’ll move on and find someone who can love you with her whole heart.”
“No,” Pete protested, “you and I, we’re going to get married and have a truckload of kids.”
Pete’s sobs seemed to get louder and harsher with each breath of air my lungs didn’t allow me to take. I couldn’t feel it but I knew Pete was shaking violently, I could hear it in his shaky breaths.
“You promised you’d never leave,” Pete said, letting out a strangled sob.
“I was never one to keep promises.”
“I love you. Oh, God, I love you so much. Please, please, please…” Pete trailed off. I could tell he was rocking us back and forth, trying to calm either him or me down. I could hear it.
“Don’t forget how much I loved you.”
And then my heart stopped.
**
So I really began to hate this story, and I figured why not kill off my main character? Haha.
Hope you enjoyed reading it, I definitely enjoyed writing it to begin with, I just get bored easily.
I have another story idea. Not sure when it's going to be out though. :)
I had been hiding in the hallway closet for what could have been days, but as I looked at my watch I realised it had only been a couple of hours. Moving my foot slightly I felt the silky bag rub against my skin. Chills ran throughout my body, the pills seemed to already have an effect on me, even without my consuming them.
Pete had left hours ago, the memory of him leaving still vivid in my mind. Our last exchange of words hung in the air like a thick blanket of smoke. I wanted to cry and feel sorry for myself, I just couldn’t though. I knew exactly what I was doing when I had bought these pills.
I was essentially giving up my life with Pete; my life in general. Exactly like Pete had giving up our life together. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, and yet that didn’t stop either of us. It definitely didn’t stop me from handing over the money, in fact it only gave me more reason to do so.
But here I was, hidden in a fucking closet and physically unable to swallow a few pills.
“Suck it up, Bailee,” I mumbled harshly to myself.
Bringing my shaking hand up to my mouth, I roughly shoved the pills into it. I clamped both hands over my mouth in order to keep myself from spitting the pills back out. I almost gagged two times before I finally got the handful of pills down.
I began to giggle, already feeling the pills go straight to my head. Several minutes had passed and my giggling only increased into full-blown laughter. I wasn’t sure why I was laughing, but I couldn’t seem to stop. I had just lost everything that had ever mattered to me and it only made me laugh harder.
The image of Pete and the nameless girl being caught out only seemed to increase my laughing. Shit, it wasn’t upsetting at all anymore, just plain funny. My life was over and it was funny.
My laughter didn’t even stop as I was being pulled from my safe haven. I couldn’t see who has pulled me out of the closet, but by the feel of it I could tell it was Pete. My eyes were closed tightly and no matter how hard I tried to open them, I just couldn’t.
Pete’s voice was all around me, though I couldn’t work out a word of it. I breathed in deeply trying to get my body to calm down enough so I would be able to open my eyes and comprehend what Pete was saying.
My laughing still continued to escape my mouth and I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to laugh at everything; my life, Pete, my parents, that stupid girl, the clinic, the drugs.
I managed to finally open my eyes, though it was useless, I couldn’t see a thing, except the blurred image of my lover, or ex lover. I wasn’t sure anymore.
I felt the hot air rush from his mouth as he whispered into my ear.
“Just breath,” Pete whispered.
“I’m dying,” I laughed.
And that’s when my body began to go numb; when I had admitted the only truth I knew. I was dying; I could feel it coursing through my body. Death was coming for me, slowly but surely.
My blurry vision became clear all of a sudden, and I could make out everything with perfect clarity. Pete became clear; every single feature on his face was now standing out, including the tears falling from his eyes.
“You’re not going to die,” Pete said firmly.
I laughed bitterly. Shit, how could he not see that I have been dying for years? Ever since I put that first pill in my mouth I began to die.
“It had to happen sometime.”
Although I couldn’t feel it, I knew Pete’s hands were squeezing me harder than he ever had. Maybe he thought the harder he squeezed, the more chance he would have of saving me. It was impossible to save me though; impossible and pointless.
Then it moved my lungs. I was finding it harder and harder to breath with each breath I tried to take.
“Just breath, the ambulance is on its way,” Pete whispered in my ear.
And then my body went limp. Pete caught me just before I ungracefully hit the ground. Pete sat on the ground, pulling me into his chest.
I could feel the effects the drugs were having on my body but my mind was clear. It was the strangest sensation I have ever felt. I could comprehend everything that was happening to me, I just couldn’t stop it. And maybe I didn’t want to stop it.
“Please don’t give up,” Pete sobbed.
His face was resting in the crook of my neck and shoulder, making it wet with the tears that fell from his eyes. I wanted to reach out and stroke his face, calm him down, but my body wouldn’t move.
“You don’t need me in your life, Pete. You’ve got her now.”
The words were almost impossible to get out. Not because I didn’t believe a word of it –it was among a few of the only things that I did believe- they were hard to get out because my lungs wouldn’t allow it.
“Don’t say that. I need you more than anything. She was a mistake, just a stupid mistake.”
Then my vision disappeared. It was almost as if someone was dimming the light in the room, and I watched as my world turned pitch black.
Ignoring Pete’s last comment I gasped out, “she could love you better than I ever did. And even if she doesn’t, promise me you’ll move on and find someone who can love you with her whole heart.”
“No,” Pete protested, “you and I, we’re going to get married and have a truckload of kids.”
Pete’s sobs seemed to get louder and harsher with each breath of air my lungs didn’t allow me to take. I couldn’t feel it but I knew Pete was shaking violently, I could hear it in his shaky breaths.
“You promised you’d never leave,” Pete said, letting out a strangled sob.
“I was never one to keep promises.”
“I love you. Oh, God, I love you so much. Please, please, please…” Pete trailed off. I could tell he was rocking us back and forth, trying to calm either him or me down. I could hear it.
“Don’t forget how much I loved you.”
And then my heart stopped.
**
So I really began to hate this story, and I figured why not kill off my main character? Haha.
Hope you enjoyed reading it, I definitely enjoyed writing it to begin with, I just get bored easily.
I have another story idea. Not sure when it's going to be out though. :)
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