FicWad

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters. I wish I owned Ukitake's conscience and his massacred sense of self loathing. They're both so freakin' pretty.


Warnings: ANGST. SADNESS. Depression, emo-ness of the Ukitake variety, language, massive spoilers if you don't know/haven't heard of who Shiba Kaien is. Though if you're reading this, you probably do/should know.

Pairing(s): None really. Possible mention of KyourakuUkitake and KaienUkitake.

Notes: This was suggested by Akume and Kaiens_mullet on aff DOT net and I took the idea and ran with it. -laughs- It can be considered a follow up piece to my fic Centuries Apart: The Bamboo and the Swallow, but it can also be taken as a separate story altogether. It's a little short, only about 3200 words, but it wasn't meant to be an epic, just a little ditty but larger than a drabble. Also, I borrow closely from the episode where Ukitake first meets Ichigo, but it's only for a short scene.

--------------------------------

He had been dead for nearly fifty years.

Each night since the night the noble Kaien had finally left his loved ones behind, Ukitake watched the sun set, no matter where he was at the time or what he was doing. Behind each orange and red glow a bright star sat, one he associated with his former lover and longtime friend.

He remembered watching it the night before Soul Society was infiltrated by humans from the living world and it still made him smile, regardless of the sad concept it stood for. The sun had finally gone down and there it was, that bright, shining star that signified a life unending, something the sick captain had to look forward to every evening.

Because after all, there had been a warm body in his bed during the years previous to Kaien's marriage and subsequent death, and he liked to think of the star as a grinning face laying beside himself as he drifted off into a fitful slumber. The same face which had appeared on the orange haired ryoka all of Seireitei was trying to kill.

--------------------------------------

Chocolate brown eyes stared as the young shinigami substitute argued with Rukia, his ill form shaking from the sight. He sounded the same. He looked the same. His reiatsu, while distinctly different, was about the same level. By all accounts, except for the obvious ones and the boy's shock of pumpkin orange hair, the loudmouthed death god standing before Jyuushirou was the man he had nearly died of grief over.

It was Kaien. He was almost sure of it.

“Byakuya...who is that?” He asked with a noticeable quiver in his voice.

The elegant but cold captain looked back over his shoulder and spared the other man an uninterested glance, ignorant of just how much the boy's appearance bothered his sempai.

“No relation. At least not to the man who just flashed through your mind, Ukitake. He's nothing at all. Just a ryoka. I'll erase him and then it'll be over. Then this minor conflict will end.”

Ukitake swallowed and watched as Byakuya walked towards the intruder, following the hypnotizing sway of the younger man's scarf as it played around his shoulders and back, using it as a form of shield between himself the the boy who so resembled his deceased fukutaichou.
The crush of the noble Kuchiki's reiatsu caused him to grunt but he was not affected by it in the least, only suddenly worried for the human shinigami's life. His mind screamed at him to either leave or save him but with his feet seemingly glued into place, he could do naught but stare.

The sight of Byakuya stepping into shunpo bothered him further and he gasped to himself, stepping forward only one pace before stopping again, his eyes wide and his hand on Sogyo no Kotowari's hilt. If he had to he would step in but he doubted that his body would let him, the barest tickle of a cough etching its way into his throat as he considered it.

Even Rukia, frozen in her fear of Byakuya and the pressing weight of his reiatsu, knew that the elder man's power lay buried, using shunpo as a meager step in fighting Ichigo. The moment Byakuya held Senbonzakura before him and he began the words to summon it, Ukitake's heart fell and Rukia's gasp of fright only added to his sudden desperation, his eyes lifting to the sky as the white ribbon of a low level binding art circled down and around the lifted sword's blade.

He stared with relieved but still worried eyes at the purple haired former shinigami, Yoruichi's lithe form kneeling with her back to Byakuya, a wide grin on her face.

“Thats...” Ukitake managed to whisper.

“You.” The Kuchiki heir snarled.

Byakuya's face was alight with anger but it was the subtle mood he so cherished, unable to truly look mad in any situation. They spoke for a moment, Ukitake's breathing slow and laboured as he fought inwardly with the feelings of relief and happiness, watching with somewhat detached eyes as the former second division captain knocked Ichigo down with a single blow to the gut and lifted him onto her sleight shoulders, quickly jumping into flash step and heading off towards the rooftop, managing one last dodge of Byakuya's sword. Her reiatsu faded as she moved out of range at an astonishing speed.

Back on the bridge, a hand held to his forehead as he blocked to sun to see her vanish, Ukitake looked to the semi-defeated sixth squad captain, certain that he would be immensely angry over the situation.

“She got away...” He said quietly, lowering his hand and watching the younger shinigami walk off. “Hey! Where are you going, Byakuya? You came to arrest the ryoka, didn't you?”

“I've lost interest. Do with them what you will.”

As the cold Kuchiki rounded the building's corner and disappeared, Ukitake rubbed the back of his head and sighed, much too old to be dealing with childish games.

“Yare, yare. He's just as spoiled as ever...”

Calling out to his third seats as Hanatarou attended to a fallen Rukia, he smiled after reprimanding them for following him and ordered them to help her and bring a med-team, ignoring the argument that ensued. The talk he had with Hanatarou after seeing the broken Ganjyu moving was barely a shimmer left in his mind, the wind blowing all thoughts of what had transpired from him.

As the med-team arrived, he left, heading back to his private home and followed closely behind by Sentarou and Kiyone, who had both finished their tasks and had caught up rather fast, leading him to believe that his own shunpo was less than admirable now that his illness had taken a firm hold.

When evening finally came, Ukitake rolled onto his side to peer out of his high window, a frown set on his face as the normally brightly shining star shone even more brilliantly, as if it were teasing him with a glimmer of hope. Unable to enjoy its beauty, the white haired captain moved onto his other side and turned his back to it, gently sniffling as tears began their slow descent down his face to wet his pillow.

-----------------------------

“We don't know, Taichou. Both Sentarou and I have been trying to find out more about him but no one knows anything. Apparently, he's just some kid from the living world that came here with a bunch of other ryoka. They're all here to save Kuchiki-san from her execution.”

The blond third seat took the white cloth from her captain and dipped it into the bowl beside his bed, kneeling on the tatami floor as he had chosen to remain on the hard surface on a thick mat instead of the plush mattress, wringing the cloth out and handing it back as he nodded his thanks.
Ever since coming back from the confrontation on the bridge, Ukitake had been extremely ill. He had chalked it up to massive amounts of sudden stress and had taken to bed right away, only sitting up to sip the cooled tea Kiyone brought him and to eat the small meal Sentarou provided when he was feeling well enough to keep the food down.

It had stayed down but his fever had not and by the time he was told of the final plans to execute Rukia, he was a mess, forcing himself to hunt down and release the Shihouin family sacred items that would inevitably save both the young Kuchiki and her saviour from wicked destruction. The fight with Genryuusai alongside Shunsui had taken entirely too much out of him and it added to his already growing frustration.

Aizen's betrayal had left him with a strong sense of failure to boot, as he watched the brunet leave with his malicious comrades, his words echoing in Jyuushirou's mind right up until he disappeared and things returned to a normal, if a little strained, pace. He had caught glimpses of the orange haired ryoka during the subsequent meetings afterwards and the clean up of Seireitei, never staring at him because the smile he wore pained the elder shinigami to the point where he actually grimaced through it.

Sentarou and Kiyone refused to admit it to anyone save themselves and each other, but Kyouraku was much more outspoken and he cornered Ukitake in his bedroom less than a day after the ryoka had been cleared of their crimes, settling himself down cross legged beside the long futon and shrugging out of his pink kimono, the summer heat causing it to stifle him.

“Maa, Jyuu-chan. You're brooding again. Care to tell me what it's about this time?”

The sickly taichou sat up with a little grunt of exertion and crossed his legs under the light sheet, dressed in a thick yukata to keep his body heat in, his hair somewhat disheveled from lying down for so long. He spared an irritated look at the eighth division captain and rolled his eyes a little bit, a small smile perking up one corner of his mouth.

“I can't hide anything from you, can I, Shun? I've tried and failed.”

“What're you trying to hide though? That's the question I need an answer for.”

“Aa, I know.”

He sighed again and rubbed at his forehead with the back of his right hand, the left resting in his lap, slowly being over taken by the larger man's hand, finding himself clasping back as he was squeezed lightly.

“Tell me, Jyuushirou.”

Warm brown eyes leveled upon the other's scruffy visage and were lowered immediately afterward, embarrassed by the tears that prickled at the corners.

“That ryoka boy. Kurosaki. He looks just like-”

“He does, doesn't he. I thought that while we were waiting at the Soukyou stand.” Kyouraku interrupted purposely, trying to calm the pain his occasional lover felt. “You know how we're supposedly reborn in the living world when we die here, Jyuu-chan. Maybe he's Kaien's reincarnation.”

The thirteenth squad taichou blinked, now openly staring at the elder man with a look that caused Kyouraku to chuckle, sitting back on both hands and resting more comfortably, his curiosity and mindless ideas out in the open.

“You think so too, Shun? I thought he was Kaien when I saw him on the Penitence bridge...”

“What would the odds of that happening be? A million to one? Two million? He's gone, Jyuu-chan.”

The brunet captain leaned to the side and scooped his lover into his arms, holding him tightly as he saw the shock register on Ukitake's face, coddling him against his chest and allowing him to cough lightly onto his uniform, ignorant of the blood and only conscious of how broken the formerly happy nobleman really was.

--------------------------------

“Oi, Chado!”

The brutish boy turned to look at his brightly grinning friend and walked over, leaving the stones he had been helping to lift and looking at him expectantly, eager to help if need be.
“What is it, Ichigo?”

“Ya think Rukia's gonna be okay for real? I mean, she was pretty hurt, ne? I don't wanna go back if she's not gonna be okay.”

The silence between them carried on for almost a minute before the deep voiced giant spoke again, turning away to go back to his pile of rocks, the small seventh squad member that was helping him smiling as he returned.

“I'm sure she'll be fine, Ichigo. She's in no danger now.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right.” He perked up a little, hurrying to the taller man's side and helping him heft a particularly large boulder of formerly mortared wall. “We're all okay now, ne?”

“Hai.”

Away from their line of sight but close enough to see them clearly, Ukitake sat on one of the untouched rooftops, watching every single movement the orange haired boy made, ignoring nothing in case he missed something important.

It haunted him, the fact that he looked so much like the deceased Shiba. So much that it became almost like an obsession, taking up much of his time as he sat alone in his home, unable to face much of his division and many of his fellow captains. Even Kyouraku, who supported him in everything under the sun, strove to bring an end to it.

Shrugging back his timid resolve, Ukitake hopped down from his place and moved toward the three men, immediately being saluted by the young squad member and nodding to him in acknowledgment. Chad, directly to the officer's left, saw the captain first and he bowed politely, standing his ground and then looking to Ichigo, who was as ignorant of the fact as ever, not even picking up on the gentle swordsman's oddly fluctuating reiatsu.

“Ano...Kurosaki-kun?”

The boy turned immediately, somewhat on edge due to the fact that he had been snuck up on and hadn't even noticed, bright orange eyes wide until they closed from the depth of his sudden smile.

“Ukitake-san! How are ya!”

He was taken aback by the younger man's happiness to see him but he supposed it was due, especially considering that he had interrupted Byakuya's attack earlier that week and had saved them all from the Soukyou's fire. He stared openly at the bright eyes and spiky hair, noticing the sleight differences like the length of his hair and his colourations in general. Whereas Kaien had been dark skinned with black hair and dark grey eyes, Ichigo had orange hair and orange, nearly auburn eyes.

“H...how are things coming along? There's a lot of work to do, ne?”

He was making small talk but Ichigo didn't seem to notice, turning away from his job and letting Chad get back to work, seemingly mindless of the duty itself.

“Great! Rukia's gonna be fine and the others're all gettin' ready to go back after they help with the clean up. Thanks by the way.”

Ukitake looked visibly shocked. “For what?”

“For savin' us so many times. I dunno what I woulda done if I couldn't keep that Soukyou thingy from attackin' us. Thanks to you and...um...the scraggly kimono wearin' captain. I forget his name.”

Amused for the first time in a long time but also struck by something familiar in the boy's ignorance, he chuckled out loud, only giving a light cough as the motion jarred his insides. Thinking back, Kaien had always forgotten Shunsui's name as well.

“Kyouraku, Kurosaki-kun. Kyouraku Shunsui. He's been a friend of mine since we were in Genryuusai-dono's academy.”

“Ah, sou ka. Oi, ya wanna come with us after we're finished this? We're gonna go for drinks and cards at Renji's place. He's got Ikkaku, Kira and Rangiku comin'-”

“I must decline, Kurosaki-kun. I've got a meeting to attend and there are duties in my division that needs to be finished-”

He was interrupted by the boy and hardly noticed as Kaien used to do the same thing unconsciously, too enamoured with the sight before him to mind. The ryoka was all smiles and cheerfulness now and it made his heart ache in his chest.

“No worries. I'm sure I'll be seein' ya before we leave for good. I think the captain commander's gonna see us off or somethin', so you guys'll probably all be there, ne?”

The long haired shinigami nodded and turned away, walking politely instead of simply flash stepping out of the area, only choosing to do so after walking around the far wall and leaving the boy's line of sight. A familiar reiatsu niggled at the corner of his mind when he stopped at the front gate to his home and he turned to see Kyouraku standing beside him, his arms open and waiting for the smaller man to crawl into them.

“Oh, Shun...”

He began before falling into the warm embrace, knowing that his lover had watched the entire scene unfold and had followed him to offer the support Ukitake so desperately needed. The eighth captain curled a hand around the back of Jyuushirou's head and cradled him tightly, ignorant of anyone that might see them.

“Yare, yare. You sure know how to make yourself suffer, Jyuu-chan. Why do this to yourself?”

The answer came muffled as the younger shinigami's face was buried in the thick folds of Shunsui's uniform and kimono, his breath warm against the other's slightly exposed skin.

“It's like a dream I can't wake from, Shun. Kaien's here but he's not. I can touch him but I can't...”

----------------------------------

It was unceremonious, the day the ryoka went back to the living world. The few remaining, uninjured Gotei 13 members came to see them off, including Ukitake and Kyouraku, both of whom stood together as they always had. Inoue and Ishida smiled and thanked everyone for their leniency and gratefulness and Chad remained silent except for his usual grunt of thanks. Yoruichi gave a brief nod in her animal form and Ichigo, pleased as ever with himself, thanked everyone involved with short, curt thank yous, casting a quick glance to Ukitake as he headed into the gate with his friends and disappeared into the bright light. It was unknown whether or not they would ever return but they knew that next time, they would be welcome company if they ever did.

The shinigami's heart felt like it stopped, his eyes seeing black hair and smiling eyes, a thirteenth squad adjutant patch displayed proudly on the boy's left bicep. It couldn't be real and he blinked, still seeing the image of his dead fukutaichou, swaying on his feet and quickly being steadied by Kyouraku's strong hands.

“What is it, Jyuu-chan? Are you all right?”

The elder man knew his lover had to rest the moment he spoke, fearing for the ill captain's sanity as he looked up with sad brown eyes, the same look he had been given when Ukitake had come to him after Kaien's death, seeking out a comforting embrace and the words of a good friend.

“He's leaving me again, Shun. I still didn't get to say goodbye in time...”