Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy
I Wish I Was As Invisible As You Make Me Feel
I know you, you know. I see you every day in class. We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten and yet still, eleven years later, you still introduce yourself to me every time we are around ...
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Title: I Wish I was As Invisible As You Make Me Feel.
Author: Sblood311.
Rating: NC17/R (To Be Safe)
Warning: Depression, Mild Swearing, Implied Charecter Death.
Parings: NA.
POV: First Person Narritive.
Genre: Angst.
Summery: I know you, you know. I see you every day in class. We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten and yet still, eleven years later, you still introduce yourself to me every time we are around each other.
I know you, you know. I see you every day in class. We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten and yet still, eleven years later, you still introduce yourself to me every time we are around each other. No hard feelings though. I’m invisible, always have been. Who looks at the chubby girl with the boring mousey brown hair and the ugly glasses. I watch you though, I listen to your conversations as I walk behind you in the hall. And at night I give you advice. I tell you that all the girls who hurt you aren’t worth your time, I tell you that your parents do care they’re just worried. But you can’t hear me. Unfortunately there are two verythick walls and four feet of space between my thoughts and yours. That’s right, I’m your neighbor too. I was also born eight days after you in the same hospital room, not that you would care. You also don’t know or care that I babysit your little sister three times a week, you alwayssay hi but you never look at me.
Your friends like to throw things at me during lunch. They also tend to push me in the hallway. I watch you with your flavour of the week and know that if you would noticed me, we’d be happy together. Does she know about the fights your parents have everynight? Does she know that sometimes you sit in the tree in your backyard for hours at a time? I doubt it.
You don’t know thease things about me though. You don’t know that I have dreams about holding you hand, you don’t know that sometimes when my grandparents aren’t home I try to drown myself in the bath tub, you don’t know that I used to wonder into your bedroom while I was babysitting and sit on your bed when you weren’t home.
I have only one memory.
We were twelve and I was walking home from school, you and your friend came walking up behind me. Your friend was picking on me. Calling me names, making fun of me. I remember you stuck up for me, telling him to fuck off. I also remember smiling the entire weekend.
Smiles are a rare thing now. For both of us. I have flashes of pictures from times when you used to run around in the front yard with your sister laughing and smiling. You don’t play with her anymore. You smile at school though. It’s unfair that they get your smiles, even if they are fake. As for me? I never really smiled. My grandparents barely notice it though. I guess we bothknow what it’s like to be ignored by our parents.
You’ve been happier lately... It’s weird. At the same time, I find myself hoping that I too can find an emotion close to happiness. You and I are so similar... I hope that means I too have the ability to be content.
I’ve been having that feeling again. Do you know the one? Tired, a little unbalanced. Have you been sleeping? ‘Cause I haven’t been sleeping. Maybe it’s the flu or something. It’s not really fair here. I’m stuck being just as miserable as last week and you go on smiling and laughing, playing with your sister again. Normally seeing you happy gives me hope but, you just keep getting happier and I just keep on staying the same.
This morning. The day of mourning. Myself in the grass, you in your car. Pills, slit wrists and rain. Losing had never come so easy for me. Blood, sanity, hope. Lost to me, looking for you and giving up at last. You were found at least, before me. Nobody notices, people barely blink. I’m glad they found you. You have so much you could still give. You’re place still has the capacity to hold happiness, my dank dark cell shrinks holding nothing but blackness and pain. Rain pitters and patters against your windshield and my forehead as I lay on the grass. Sinking deep in the earth my life will disappear, just like a magic trick. Fill the world with words and lyrics and hope. One less. One more. Making room for actual human beings. I want you to look at this as something promising. Because I never was.
XO
Beatrix De Luna
Author: Sblood311.
Rating: NC17/R (To Be Safe)
Warning: Depression, Mild Swearing, Implied Charecter Death.
Parings: NA.
POV: First Person Narritive.
Genre: Angst.
Summery: I know you, you know. I see you every day in class. We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten and yet still, eleven years later, you still introduce yourself to me every time we are around each other.
I know you, you know. I see you every day in class. We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten and yet still, eleven years later, you still introduce yourself to me every time we are around each other. No hard feelings though. I’m invisible, always have been. Who looks at the chubby girl with the boring mousey brown hair and the ugly glasses. I watch you though, I listen to your conversations as I walk behind you in the hall. And at night I give you advice. I tell you that all the girls who hurt you aren’t worth your time, I tell you that your parents do care they’re just worried. But you can’t hear me. Unfortunately there are two verythick walls and four feet of space between my thoughts and yours. That’s right, I’m your neighbor too. I was also born eight days after you in the same hospital room, not that you would care. You also don’t know or care that I babysit your little sister three times a week, you alwayssay hi but you never look at me.
Your friends like to throw things at me during lunch. They also tend to push me in the hallway. I watch you with your flavour of the week and know that if you would noticed me, we’d be happy together. Does she know about the fights your parents have everynight? Does she know that sometimes you sit in the tree in your backyard for hours at a time? I doubt it.
You don’t know thease things about me though. You don’t know that I have dreams about holding you hand, you don’t know that sometimes when my grandparents aren’t home I try to drown myself in the bath tub, you don’t know that I used to wonder into your bedroom while I was babysitting and sit on your bed when you weren’t home.
I have only one memory.
We were twelve and I was walking home from school, you and your friend came walking up behind me. Your friend was picking on me. Calling me names, making fun of me. I remember you stuck up for me, telling him to fuck off. I also remember smiling the entire weekend.
Smiles are a rare thing now. For both of us. I have flashes of pictures from times when you used to run around in the front yard with your sister laughing and smiling. You don’t play with her anymore. You smile at school though. It’s unfair that they get your smiles, even if they are fake. As for me? I never really smiled. My grandparents barely notice it though. I guess we bothknow what it’s like to be ignored by our parents.
You’ve been happier lately... It’s weird. At the same time, I find myself hoping that I too can find an emotion close to happiness. You and I are so similar... I hope that means I too have the ability to be content.
I’ve been having that feeling again. Do you know the one? Tired, a little unbalanced. Have you been sleeping? ‘Cause I haven’t been sleeping. Maybe it’s the flu or something. It’s not really fair here. I’m stuck being just as miserable as last week and you go on smiling and laughing, playing with your sister again. Normally seeing you happy gives me hope but, you just keep getting happier and I just keep on staying the same.
This morning. The day of mourning. Myself in the grass, you in your car. Pills, slit wrists and rain. Losing had never come so easy for me. Blood, sanity, hope. Lost to me, looking for you and giving up at last. You were found at least, before me. Nobody notices, people barely blink. I’m glad they found you. You have so much you could still give. You’re place still has the capacity to hold happiness, my dank dark cell shrinks holding nothing but blackness and pain. Rain pitters and patters against your windshield and my forehead as I lay on the grass. Sinking deep in the earth my life will disappear, just like a magic trick. Fill the world with words and lyrics and hope. One less. One more. Making room for actual human beings. I want you to look at this as something promising. Because I never was.
XO
Beatrix De Luna
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