FicWad

Gerard held out his hand to me. He was settled in the tub his back against the wall. I carefully stepped into the hot water and sat down between his legs. I moved slightly so that I could lean back against his chest. “This is heavenly,” I said closing my eyes.
He put his arms around me and we both were silent for several minutes. “Laura?”
“Yeah?”
“Earlier I was unpacking your duffle bag. I found the drawings.”
I pressed my eyes shut tightly. Crap, I should have just thrown the fucking things away. “Oh” was the only word that came out of my mouth.
“Where did you get them? I know I drew the one of Merri. I remember the day I drew it for her. She had come over to talk to Mikey but he wasn’t home. She was so sad and I remember thinking that maybe if I drew her portrait and gave it to her she’d cheer up.” He reached over and grabbed the sponge. I remained silent as he soaked up some of the hot bath water then slowly squeezed it out over my shoulders. “The portrait of me. That’s Merri’s artwork. I recognize her style. She really was a talented artist.”
I sighed deeply knowing he was patiently waiting for me to answer. “Why didn’t you ask me about this right away?”
“Actually I was trying to wait until tomorrow to ask you about it. See I don’t want anything to ruin our first night in our new home either.” He sighed, “But I can’t ignore this anymore. I’m sorry.”
I pulled his arms around me and held on to them tightly, “I love you for caring so much about our first night here. It’s okay that you’re asking. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the portraits before now.”
“So how long have you had them and where did they come from?” His tone was controlled.
“Right before we left the bus for our Exit To Eden night Jenny gave them to me.”
“Jenny?”
“Yeah, she handed me an envelope and said that a fan had begged her to give the envelope to you. She wasn’t sure what to do so she gave the envelope to me. I’m sorry I know I should have showed you but damn it I just couldn’t make myself.”
“Did you ask her what the fan looked like?”
I laid my head back against his chest and nodded slowly. “Yeah” I said sadly, “She described someone who looks like Merri.”
“Fuck” he whispered. “Merri left me an envelope.”
I hated the sound of his voice. I knew that sound and it scared me. “No, Merri did not leave you that envelope. Someone did, but not Merri.”
“Laura, how did someone get the portraits?”
Once again my mind considered all the possibilities. “Someone is lying to you. If Merri is truly dead and buried as Ray says then Helen is a good possibility. I’m sure the portraits were in Merri’s room.”
“Merri is dead. Don’t make me fucking say it again.” He pushed me foreword and stood. I watched as he got out of the tub and grabbed a towel. “Dead, fucking dead.” He slammed out of the bathroom without a backwards glance.
I quickly got out of the tub, dried off and went to find him. He was standing in the kitchen leaning against the counter. “I’m sorry but I gotta get out of here.” He pushed past me heading for the bedroom.
“Gerard, wait.” I said entering the room and seeing him pulling on his jeans. “I’ll go with you.”
“I don’t want you to go with me. I need time to think. Alone.” He pulled on a hoodie, slipped his feet into his shoes then headed towards the front door. I followed.
“Please, don’t go.” I said softly as his hand reached for the doorknob.
He stopped but didn’t turn around, “I’m sorry, Laura. I’ll be back. I just need some space.” I stood there until the door closed.
I realized this was more then just Merri. He needed a drink. I had seen the look in his eyes. I threw on my clothes and grabbed my cell phone.
“Mikey” I said as soon as he answered. “Please listen. Gerard just left. He’s upset and I’m afraid..” I couldn’t fucking make myself say it. “Look, I don’t know where he would go.”
Mikey understood, “To drink.” He said sadly.
“Yeah, please tell me. Do you have any idea where he would go?”
“Two blocks down is a bar called Kelly’s. Gerard used to be a regular there.”
“Thanks” I started to disconnect.
“Laura, do you need my help?” The concern for his brother was loud and clear.
“I’ll call you if I do. Please, don’t tell anyone else. Please.” I begged.
“I promise.” He said sounding defeated.
I was out the door and down the steps before I realized my hair was wet and I was wearing short sleeves. Shit, now I’d probably catch pneumonia. Right now, that didn’t matter. Finding my husband was the only thing that mattered.
Kelly’s was crowded, smoky and loud. It took my eyes a few minutes to adjust to the poor lighting. My husband was sitting at the bar, a drink in front of him and a blond at his side. I slipped onto the stool on his other side and sat quietly. It took me a minute to notice the mirror behind the bar. Gerard was staring at me in the mirror. Beside him the blond was giving him her best come-on lines. He didn’t acknowledge her he just continued to stare straight ahead into the mirror. I met his stare with a cool resolve I wasn’t feeling. The blond noticed he wasn’t paying attention and leaned closer to him. She placed her hand on his arm. I spoke without turning my head.
“She better get her fucking hand off you.” I said to the mirror.
The hint of a smile crossed his face. He turned to her. I didn’t hear what he said but she slid off her barstool and walked off in a huff. He turned back to stare straight ahead again. “Laura, go home.”
“Not a fucking chance in hell.” I answered.
The bartender gave us a funny look then shrugged and went to serve a man further down the bar. Gerard broke his gaze in the mirror to look down at the glass of alcohol in front of him. I held my breath praying he wouldn’t lift the glass to his lips.
“Just go home.” He said again.
“I can’t.” I answered honestly. “You have to know that.”
His fingers closed around the glass and I instinctively put my hand out to cover his. “Gonna pull what you did on the plane? Keep drinking my drinks for me?”
Shit, I felt a small glimmer of hope. He was at least talking. “No, I don’t think so. I mean if I did that you’d have to carry me back to our apartment. Don’t know if you’ve noticed but it was starting to rain when I walked in here.”
He finally looked over at me. “You fucking walked here with wet hair and in short sleeves?”
“I was in a hurry.” I tried to keep my voice steady. “My jackass husband needed me so I really didn’t have time to fix all up.”
He stated at me. I stared back. Finally I gathered my courage. “Gee, come home. Just come home.”
Slowly he shook his head, “Home.”
“Yeah, home. Our home. Our new home. Our new life. Can you really tell me you’re willing to throw it away?”
“Laura, I don’t know how much more I can take.”
I placed my hand on his arm. “Whoever is doing this to you is counting on you not being able to take much more. Don’t let them win.”
“Who, Laura? Who do I not let win? I’m so fucking confused. So fucking tired.”
He looked back at the glass.
“You’re stronger than that alcohol. You’re stronger cause you have to be. You not only have to be strong for yourself, you have to be strong for me.”
He closed his eyes a moment then slipped off the barstool. “Let’s go home.” He said helping me to stand. He threw a twenty-dollar bill down on the bar beside the full glass. I uttered a prayer of thanks as we walked out of the bar.
“Shit” I said as we hit the sidewalk. “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
He grabbed my hand and we started sprinting back towards our apartment. “Don’t you dare make a crack about stepping in a poodle.”
My heavy heart felt lighter. “I don’t tell bad jokes.”
“Raining cats and dogs.” He muttered.
It was hard for me to keep up with him. The rain was really coming down full force. When I stumbled he stopped and lifted me into his arms. “Put me down. I can walk.”
“You’re slowing us down.”
“But I’m too heavy.” I argued.
He shook his head, “No, you’re not. Just stop wiggling around or I’m gonna drop you.”
I closed my eyes and tightened my arms around his neck. We got back to our apartment building without me being dumped onto the sidewalk. He sat me on my feet in the foyer.
“Not gonna carry me up the stairs?” I teased.
He leaned over to catch his breath. “No Scarlett you’re gonna have to take the elevator.”
Neither of us spoke until we were safely back inside our apartment. He noticed that I was shivering. “Shit, come on.” He grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom. He turned on the tub faucets then turned and began to undress me. I couldn’t keep my teeth from chattering.
“Stupid, crazy woman. You’re freezing. Why didn’t you grab your coat before you went out.”
“Cccaue.” Damn chattering teeth.
He pulled off all my wet clothes and threw them in the sink. “In the tub, now.” He held my hand as I lowered my body into the hot water.” Several minutes passed before I could speak.
“I had to find you.” I said returning to his earlier question. “Finding you was more important than putting on a coat.”
He shook his head. “I’m gonna put on some dry clothes.” He started out of the bathroom.
“Gerard?” Shit, I knew sounded like a baby. “You’re not gonna leave again are you?”
He turned back to me, “No Sugar. I’m not gonna leave again.”
I burst into tears. He was at my side, his wet clothes forgotten, “Promise, I’m not gonna leave.”
I nodded.
“Why are you crying? I mean I know I’m a jackass but…”
“You called me Sugar.” I hiccupped.
“And that made you cry?” He was struggling to understand.
I truly felt like an idiot. “Yeah.”
He reached out to stroke my cheek. “I’ll be right back. I promise.” He looked into my eyes, “Okay?”
I nodded. I watched him walk out of the bathroom his shoulders slumped. This was not how I wanted out first night in our new home to be.