FicWad

Gerard waited until we were safely to our apartment before he exploded. He followed me in and slammed the door so hard one of his framed drawings hit the ground.
“Fucking hell. When it this shit gonna stop?” He screamed. “Mother fucker Troy getting in my face and this shit about Merri? I’m tired of this fucking shit.”
I stood looking at him and hoping the neighbors didn’t complain. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. “Gerard calm down.” I said softly.
“Calm down?” He screamed. “How the fuck can I calm down? You tell me Laura.” He took several steps toward me. “Tell me how I’m supposed to calm the fuck down.”
I stood my ground. “First off stop screaming like a child.”
That just enraged him more. “Fuck you.” He snarled. “If you weren’t so stupid you’d understand why I’m so upset.”
“Did you just call me stupid?” I asked narrowing my eyes.
He blinked but his anger didn’t receded, “Yeah, I called you stupid. That’s how you’re acting.”
I crossed my arms, “No, you are acting like a stupid mother fucker. What Gerard? Think what happened only affects you? No, it affects me too. Difference is I’m not taking it out on you.”
He stepped right up to me. “You can get out to this shit anytime you want. All you have to do is walk away. I don’t have that luxury.”
Fuck I was pissed, “No that’s a lie. I can’t just walk away from this shit anytime. If I did I would be leaving the stupid fucking jackass that I love with all my heart. I can’t live without him so here I am.”
As I watched his face fell, “Fuck” he muttered, “I’m sorry.” He started to turn away but I grabbed his arm and swung him back around to face me. I said noting just stared into his eyes.
He stared at me. He was still angry but trying to control the emotion. He remained silent.
"What have I grown a second head?" I finally asked.
The smallest hint of a smile showed on his face. “I was waiting for you to say something.”
“Like what?” I challenged.
His anger was fading. Finally he spoke softly. "Why the fuck to you let me do that to you?"
"Do what?"
"You know damn good and well what. Why do you let me yell at you? Why do you let me say stupid, mean shit?"
I smiled, "Cause I know you love me. I understand how hard this is for you and cause I love you so damn much."
He shook his head, "Still don't make it right."
I gestured to the sofa, "Sit. We need to talk."
"I'm fucking tired of talking about this shit."
Once more he got an icy glare from me. "Too bad. We need to talk about what happened at the party."
It seemed like for a moment he was going to disagree but in the end he walked over to the sofa and sat down. I sat on the sofa and faced him. "Okay first off Troy is a douche. Who the fuck cares what he says?"
"Do I have to remind you what happened last time we saw him? I was in a fucking hotel room with him and he was getting ready to suck me off."
I tried not to cringe at the memory, "Think I've forgotten that?" I said quietly.
He took out a cigarette and lit it. After taking several drags he spoke, "He can fucking ruin me."
"No he can't. Nobody would believe him."
Gerard gave me a look of disbelief, "Fuck yeah they would."
I didn't think this was a point worth debating, "Look, tell me more about Carrie."
He thought a minute, "I don't know her all that well. I do know the times I've seen her she's been with Troy."
"Wonder what their relationship really is." I said trying to fit pieces of a puzzle together. Only thing was I knew lots of the pieces were still missing.
"You really decked her?" He asked smiling.
"Fuck yeah. She called me a bitch. I mean it's not like I didn't warn her."
He sat back, "I would like to have seen that."
"Well if she ever comes near you again you just might get to see it."
He grinned, "You're jealous?"
"What of big boobs? Not really. She did have plans to comfort you though."
He gave me a confused look, "Comfort me?"
"Yeah, Troy had told her that you had to get married and that your wife was a cunt."
"She said that?" his voice was once again too loud.
I nodded. Taking a deep breath I said, "Calm down. I’m sure I’ve been called that before. Look whoever Mikey saw wasn't Merri. That’s what we need to discuss. That’s what has set you off.”
He shook his head, “Can you blame me? This is a fucking nightmare. I can’t wake up.”
“Gee you know it wasn’t her. Maybe Mikey just saw someone who looked like her.”
"Mikey was good friends with her." He reminded me.
"Gerard, she's dead. Pretty sure she wasn't at the party."
He closed his eyes and remained silent.
I scooted closer so I could stroke his cheek. "There's something else that happened. Remember right before the shit with Troy happened a girl came by and gave us drinks?"
"Yeah?"
"I took yours because I suddenly had a funny feeling something was wrong. I took a sip and yours was full of alcohol."
He was shocked. "She said it was just ginger ale."
"That's what she said and that's what mine was but yours wasn't." I explained.
He digested this info. "You don't think it was a mistake?'
Actually I had thought about that question, "It could have been but now I'm doubting it even more. What if you had drank it? Would you have been able to put the drink down?" I hated to ask this question but it had to be voiced.
"I'd like to think so." he said slowly "But all the shit that happened right about the same time with Troy might have made a difference." he answered honestly.
I nodded, "Yeah and think what would have happened if you had drank it and then saw Merri."
The room was deathly silent. "Fuck" he said slowly, "You think it was all a set-up?"
"It seems that way." I agreed.
"But who the hell is doing this to me?" He looked so upset I took the cigarette from him and snuffed it out. Then I snuggled up to him
"I don't know but we need to find out."
Suddenly he sat up, "I hate that you're involved in this. What if they had poisoned the drink?"
I wasn't following.
"You drank some of it. Fuck Laura. I don't give a shit about what happens to me but you could have gotten hurt."
I didn't want him thinking this way, "Gee, they aren't trying to kill you. Someone is trying to drive you insane."
He fell back against the back of the sofa, "But who? That's what I don't understand and why? Fuck, you know this has to mean someone believes I killed Merri.” He closed his eyes. “Course maybe I did. We’ll never know for sure what happened.”
My own anger flared, “Do not start that shit again. You did not kill her. I swear to God if you ever say or even think that again I’m gonna smack the shit out of you.”
He opened his eyes and looked at me, “Now who needs to calm down?”
I bit back a reply. He was right I was pissed beyond belief. What had started out a wonderful day had been ruined once more by the ghost of Merri. “Sorry.” I whispered. “I just can’t stand you thinking like that. I love you so much that it hurts me to hear you say that shit.”
He hugged me to him. “So then tell me what the fuck is going on? I don’t want to live like this.”
"Me either." I admitted. Stupidly I didn’t realize how my answer sounded to him. I hugged him back tightly. I felt a slight tremor run through his body. "Gerard?"
"I want a fucking drink so bad right now." the sound of self-loathing in his voice scared me.
I wasn't sure what to do, "Hey, why don't you go take a shower? I'm gonna call Alicia cause she asked me to."
He didn't move at first but finally nodded, "Yeah, okay." I watched him walk slowly towards the bathroom.
Shit, I didn't know what to do to help him. Whoever was doing this to him was slowly driving him to the brink. I was about to call Alicia when I changed my mind. I opened the bathroom door slowly and walked in. I could see his silhouette behind the shower curtain. He was standing with his head bent. Oh fuck I could hear him gently crying. Now I really didn't know what to do. He obviously didn't want me to witness this but I wanted him to realize I didn't think this made him weak. Making my decision I stripped off my clothing and slowly parted the curtain. His look of shock soon turned to embarrassment. I put my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. The water spray was hitting us both.
"Laura, I'm sorry I'm such a fucking weak man."
I hugged him tighter, "Don't say that. You aren't weak. You're tired and frustrated but not weak."
He shook his head sadly, "Men aren't supposed to fucking cry."
"Oh who told you that?" I asked lifting my head to look into his eyes, "That's just stupid. I don't ever want you to hide your emotions from me."
He looked away, "I'm so fucking messed up. I'm a sick excuse for a man. Think about what you married Laura. Tell me you weren’t embarrassed tonight at that party. People could hear what Troy was saying; they knew what he was implying. You married a freak. A fucking freak. I’ve been with women and men. I fucking get off wearing women’s clothing. That day I dressed like a chick and went to school? I had a fucking hard on the whole day.” He closed his eyes, “I’m a sick fuck.”
I'd had enough. "Stop it right now. I won't let you talk about yourself like that. I love every thing about you. Everything. As for the sex come on, some of your preferences make it fucking exciting." How could I make him understand that I didn’t believe there was anything wrong with what he liked? “Do you think it’s sick that I got off fucking you while you were dressed like a woman?”
He didn’t answer me at first. I was about to say something else when he spoke. “You are perfect. The most perfect person I’ve ever known.”
I laughed. “I am far from perfect.”
“No, you’re wrong. You are and you deserve someone who can give you a better life than this.”
Holy shit what I said about not wanted to live like this came back to me. “Look at me.” I put my finger under his chin and forced him to look up. “How many times to I have to tell you that you are everything I will ever want. I love every fucking thing about you. The only thing I want out of life is to be with you. Without you I would be nothing. I would die without you.”
“Never say that.” He said forcefully, “I’m not worth it.”
Once again my anger got the best of me. “Shut the fuck up.” I screamed.
He blinked. My anger seemed to surprise him. “Do you love me?” I couldn’t help it I was still screaming.
He nodded, “More than anything in the world.”
“Good.” I really was trying to calm down. “Then stop talking like this. We are married. We are happy. We will get to the bottom of all this shit going on.”
He stared at me a minute. “I’m really pushing you tonight, aren’t I?’
“You can say that again.” I answered. “I’m just tired of the drama. Yeah I know. I married a drama queen.”
He looked surprised a minute then laughed, “Yeah, so you did.”
I just wanted to get back the feeling we’d had earlier in the day. “Husband I want sex.”
Now he really gave me a look. I wasn’t even sure what kind of look it was. “You want sex,” he repeated.
I pushed him back against the shower wall. “Yeah” I purred, “I want my unconventionally pretty husband to fuck my brains out while he’s dressed like a woman.”
He shook his head. “Stop trying to act like I’m fucking normal.”
I laughed, “I never said you were normal. As a matter of fact, fuck normal.” I ran my fingers up his thigh. “I’m not normal either. I grabbed his hand and placed it between my legs. “Feel me? I’m not that hot because of the shower. I’m that hot thinking about running my hand up your skirt and feeling your stiff dick.” Oh there was my man. I felt him harden against my pussy.
He moaned, “Tell me you’re being truthful. Tell me you really want this. That you’re not just saying it to please me.”
I lowered my lips to his wet nipple, “I want this. Hear that? I want this.” I gently began sucking.
“What do I wear?” He whispered.
I smiled, “In the back of my closet are a couple of skirts I kept. They aren’t great but they’ll do. Matter of fact tomorrow I think we should go clothes shopping, don’t you?”
Man, he was getting hard. “Yeah, sounds good.”
“Now you dry off and go get dressed. I’m gonna finish my shower and I’ll be in soon.”
“Okay” He agreed. I stepped back to let him leave the shower. “Laura” he said as he stepped out.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Suddenly I felt so fucking good, “I love you too.” He left the bathroom and I started singing while I finished showering. I put all the worries out of my mind for the moment. He and I would make it through all this shit.