Categories > Movies > Brokeback Mountain
IT'S ALL OVER, ENNIS
Jack has had enough and finally quits Ennis. Ennis has to work at changing Jack's mind.
?Blocked
Title: IT’S ALL OVER, ENNIS
Author: Donna McIntosh
Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Ennis and Jack
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Sex and bad language
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. If they were mine they’d be living happily ever after.
Summary: Jack has had enough and tells Ennis that they're through. Ennis refuses to accept it.
IT’S ALL OVER, ENNIS
Ennis stretched out in his bed and thought about the morning’s events. He and Jack had an awful fight and for the first time in their relationship said things that really hurt each other; both of them striking out trying somehow to fight this pain that dragged them both down. Down low enough to be shouting insults at one another, each blaming the other for their ‘bitch of a situation’ that they found themselves in.
He stubbed his cigarette out in the over-flowing ash tray and blew out his last puff of smoke towards the ceiling. He lay staring at the bare light-bulb hanging there. How could they have said such things to each other? Did Jack really wish he could quit him?
The make-up sex had been great and they held each other a long time afterwards; each lost in their own thoughts. Everything was back to normal; at least he hoped it was. He’d make it up to Jack in November. He’d get Don Wroe’s cabin and they’d get them an elk and it would all be OK again. Jack would see that; everything was going to be OK again. They just had to wait it out until November.
He heard the truck pulled up outside and the door slam but didn’t pay too much attention to it. His was the first trailer in the row and often people stopped to ask directions to a certain lot or to the trailer park office. The fist pounding on the door did get his attention though. He jumped up and pulled his jeans on cursing the park manager for giving him the space in front!
He opened the door and an angry Jack Twist pushed past him and came in.
“Ennis, I got somethin to say to ya so you’d better sit down.” Jack glared at him, standing ramrod straight with hands on hips.
“Jack! What the hell you doin comin here? Somethin wrong? Somethin happen?”
“Yeah, somethins happened; somethins happened to the last twenty years of my life is what; and it ain’t happenin no more!”
“Well sit down; say your piece.” Ennis motioned to the chair by the little table but Jack didn’t budge.
“Won’t be here long enough to do no sittin. I made up my mind, Ennis. It’s time to call it quits. I ain’t comin back here in November.”
“Jack, I thought we talked about this; got it all settled.”
“You did, Ennis. Just like you done the last 20 years. You say whats gotta be and I have to live with it.”
“I do too, Jack!”
“Yeah, but it’s your choice; not mine. It ain’t what I want; it ain’t never been about what I want. It’s always about what you want; what you decide.”
“It’s the way it’s gotta be.” Ennis shrugged hopelessly.
“Not it ain’t. I’m through lettin you make the decisions that I gotta live with. I’m through bein your dirty little secret!”
“Jack, it ain’t never been like that.”
“It’s been exactly like that! You’re so fuckin paranoid about what happened to that old neighbor of yours 30 years ago you’re throwin away any chance we might have had to make a life together.”
“But, Jack, it happened! I saw it!” Ennis protested.
“30 God damned years ago, Ennis!”
“It happened!”
“So it fuckin happened! So lets just shoot ourselves then and be done with it. I ain’t spendin the next 20 years like the last!”
Ennis leaned back against the kitchen sink and stared at him. “So this is it then? You’re quittin me?”
Jack turned away from him. He couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes; redness and filled with pain.
“I can’t do it no more, Ennis. I don’t want to. I want a life. I wanna be with someone who ain’t afraid to walk down the street with me; maybe grab a bite to eat in a restaurant or somethin. I wish with all my heart that it could be you but you don’t want that.”
“It ain’t that I don’t want it, Jack; it ain’t never been that.”
“It don’t matter whether you want it or don’t want it; it’s what you do or won’t do that counts and you ain’t never gonna let go of the past long enough to see that you coulda been with me all these years. We coulda had a good life together, Ennis; but I guess it just ain’t in the cards.” He ran out of steam; out of anger. The only thing left was the raw pain; the pain he saw streaming down Ennis’s face and knew that his was leaking out as well.
“It’s best to end it right now. I got almost all the way to Lightning Flat then turned around and came back. I had to tell you my decision. I couldn’t leave you thinkin I’d be comin back up here in November.”
Ennis just stared at him, speechless.
“I best be goin.” He reached for the door knowb and Ennis grabbed it first.
“What I gotta do?”
“You gotta let go of the door knob so I can leave.”
“What I gotta do to make you change your mind?”
“Nothin, Ennis. I ain’t askin you to do nothin; just step aside so I can get my ass outta here.”
“I ain’t got no say in this? None at all?” Ennis stood in front of Jack with his back to the door blocking Jack’s exit.
“There’s no use goin over it again and again, Ennis. You’ve had your say for 20 years now and we did it your way; what ever you wanted; how ever you wanted it. I’m through drinkin myself half to death every night pacin the floor with need. I NEED someone, Ennis! I NEED someone to be there for me; someone who ain’t ashamed of bein with me.”
“I ain’t never said I was ashamed of ya, Jack!” Ennis insisted.
“You don’t need to say the words, Ennis. Your actions speak louder than any words you could shout. You don’t wanna be with me in public; not no place where someone might see us together. I don’t care what your reasons are, it all boils down to the same thing – You don’t wanna be with me but for a few days a coupla times a year; out in the middle of nowhere, hiding like we was criminals or somethin, where no one can see us. That’s all you got in you to give. I can’t live like that no more. I ain’t gonna live like that no more. I’m gonna find me somebody who ain’t ashamed of bein seen with me; someone who’ll be willin to make a life with me. I ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life alone. Now will you please move so I can leave?”
“NO! I won’t! We had it all sorted out, Jack. What the hell happened?”
“You want things to go back the way they was; that’s gettin it sorted out for you. Well it ain’t for me! I don’t want things to be like they were. I’m goin back to Childress and I’m tellin Lureen I want a divorce. I’m done with liein, Ennis. An offer’s been made to me and so far I’ve turned it down. Well, I’m goin back and I’m gonna call him. He’s a nice guy and I like him a lot. Maybe I can find some happiness and peace with him. It won’t be you, Ennis, and I’ll never love him the way I love you but if I can’t have you; I’m sure as hell gonna have somebody. It might not be him but I’ll find somebody. I ain’t spendin the rest of my life waitin on somethin that ain’t never gonna happen with you.”
“Looks like you already made up your mind then.”
“I have. Now will you move please?”
“Is that what you wanna do? Just walk out on me?”
“Ennis, it’s late and I’m tired. I been drivin all day and I still got a long ways to go. I need to be gettin on down the road.”
“So that’s it? You just walk out the door and I never see you again? You set up housekeeping with some Texan?”
“That’s about it.”
“I got no say in this?”
“You’ve had your say; now it’s time for me to have mine.”
“And all you got left in you to say to me is good-bye?”
“Move, Ennis; I want outta here.” Jack tried for the door knob again but Ennis held his ground.
“Make me!”
“You want me to hit you?” Jack couldn’t believe his ears.
“You may as well; you’re killin me here walkin out on me.”
Jack stepped back a few paces, needing some space between them. He rubbed the back of his aching neck.
“We want different things out of life, Ennis. You can’t see passed your fear and you’re content to let it dictate how you live your life. I ain’t like that. I want what I want and I’m gonna have it with or without you. You don’t wanna be with me on a full-time basis so I guess it’s gonna be without you.”
“You want me to quit my job? Is that what you want? Cause that’s what I’d have to do to spend more time with you.”
“I ain’t askin you to do nothin, Ennis, ‘cept get outta my way so I can leave and get on with the rest of my life.”
“All a this is ‘cause I can’t get out to see you in August?”
“NO! I’ve just had it up to here with livin by your rules! If you loved me the way I love you, you’d be willin to compromise, give me a break now and then. But you don’t!”
“That ain’t true!”
“Don’t matter what’s true and what ain’t. I’m through, Ennis. Now are you gonna let me outta here or do I need to use the other door?”
Ennis walked back across the room. “Go ahead! Leave; if that’s what you want. Go back to your Texas boy friend. You gonna tell him ‘bout me? Does he know what he’s gettin? Does he know ‘bout Mexico? Or is that maybe where you met him?”
“Actually I met him at the country club. We set at the same table and I danced with his wife.”
“Good for you!” Ennis sneered.
“He’s a rancher and whenever we’re alone he asks me to go fishin with him, down to his cabin on the lake. I ain’t gone yet but I plan to when I get back.”
“Git on outta here then. Don’t keep him waitin. I’m warnin you though; you’d better watch your back.”
“OK. OK.” Jack shook his head and walked to the door. This time Ennis didn’t stop him. He stopped himself with his hand on the knob. “I did love you, Ennis; with all my whole heart. But I ain’t gonna love you no more.” He opened the door; stepped outside and closed it behind him.
Ennis heard the truck start up and drive off. He stood still as a statue; frozen in place. When he could finally move it was to take down the bottle of whiskey and drink. He drank and drank till it ran down the sides of his mouth and down his front. He drank until the bottle was empty. Then with one fierce grunt he heaved the empty bottle against the door. It smashed into a million pieces. He reached up, pulled the string on his light and lay down in bed; stiff as a board. He refused to think, refused to acknowledge or accept what had just happened. He was in that exact same position hours later when his alarm went off.
He got up, dressed, packed his lunch and went to work. All day long he thought about Jack and wondering if he was already back in Texas with his new boyfriend. In reality, Jack made it only as far as Denver when he stopped for the night at a motel. He bought a bottle of whiskey and drank the whole thing then passed out; not waking up until mid-day.
It was afternoon when Jack got on the road again. He drove, zombie-like, back to Childress just after the 10 o’clock news ended. Lureen had just turned off the TV and was running her tub when Jack came in. He went straight to the bar and fixed himself a stiff drink.
“Bad trip?” Lureen asked.
“Uh huh.” He answered without looking at her.
“I’m runnin my tub now; you can shower after if you want.”
“Go ahead. I’m in no hurry.” He finished that drink and fixed another.
“Folks OK?” She asked casually though she couldn’t help but notice Jack’s somber mood.
“Sure; why wouldn’t they be?” He sat down on the couch holding his glass against his forehead.
“Well don’t stay up all night drinkin. We got a meetin in the mornin with those people from Dallas. You haven’t forgotten; have you?”
“No, I haven’t forgotten. I’ll be at your meetin but afterwards you and me need to have a talk.”
“Sure thing. Right after the meetin. We can go to that new place over on Baker street for lunch.”
“It won’t be that kind of talk, Lureen. We best be doin it right here at home.”
“OK. Whatever. My tub’s ready. G’night.” She called to him as she walked back down the hall to her bathroom.
“Night.” He called in return and got up and fixed himself another drink; falling asleep hours later on the couch where he slept until Lureen woke him up the next morning.
****
FOUR MONTHS LATER
Ennis pulled into Newsome’s Farm Equipment just at closing time. Only two guys left and they were coming out the door and locking the place up. Neither one was old enough to be Lureen’s daddy so he guessed them to be salesmen.
“Excuse me,” he said walking up to them. “I’m looking for Jack Twist. Is he ‘round?”
The one guy snickered and went on over to his truck, keying the door opened. “He doesn’t work here any more.” He called over his shoulder.
“He don’t?” Ennis didn’t know what to do now. He certainly couldn’t go out to Jack’s house looking for him. “You know where I can find him?”
The second guy was a little bit nicer, “Don’t know where he’s working now but I hear he hangs out over at The Seven Seas downtown.” He eyed Ennis up good then got in his car and drove off.
Ennis turned back to his truck and got in. He drove around till he found a phone booth; got out and looked up The Seven Seas. He figured he’d find it in the bar section and sure enough, he did. He got the address over on Second Street and went looking till he found the little dark building. Just a small sign on the door and a few lights around front and that was it. It sure didn’t look like any bar he had ever been in before. He parked and went in.
It was dark inside with just small nautical lanterns sitting on each table and some indirect lighting behind the bar that lit up the wall length mirror. Across the top the words The Seven Seas and some fake waves were painted across the bottom. He found an empty stool and sat down. The bar tender looked up and walked over to him. “What’ll it be?”
“Beer,” Ennis answered.
A bottle was placed in front of him and he took a long drink. Looking around the place and trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness he noticed couples were shuffling around the dance floor to some soft music playing. He took another long drink and someone sat down beside him.
“Hello there, Cowboy. You new in town?” Some guy in his 20s sat smiling over at him.
“Uh huh,” Ennis answered, not paying any attention and just wishing the stranger would move away.
“I really like cowboys!” the young man said smiling at him.
Ennis turned to look at him, appalled and shocked by the obvious meaning of the words spoken. Another guy, closer to Ennis’s age stopped next to them, placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder and said, “Hey now, isn’t this our dance?”
“See you later, Cowboy?” The young man smiled at him again and walked off to the dance floor with the newcomer.
That was the first time Ennis had the chance to look around and actually see where he was. The bar was full, the dance floor was full and it was all men. Not a woman in the place. He stared at the couples dancing; men with their arms around each other dancing close, nestling in one another’s arms; couples sitting at tables and in booths around the parameter of the room holding hands, nuzzling one another. He was rigid with shock!
He turned around quickly, and gazed down at the bar in front of him. He was in one of those places! He gripped his bottle tightly and tried to figure out what to do. Should he run? Just take off and forget all about finding Jack? He glanced up at the mirror and tried once again to look around the room. Jack wasn’t in here; he couldn’t be! He wouldn’t come to a place like this; it was too dangerous! Still … that guy said Jack hung out here. Maybe he was here. Looking only in the mirror he tried to scan the place looking for Jack.
Another guy came up and sat down on the stool next to his. This guy was big; probably 4 or 5 inches taller than Ennis and at least 250 pounds. He was dressed from head to toe in black leather. Black boots, black leather pants and a black leather vest. His bare muscled arms showed tattoos and he had a small gold hoop ear ring; his head bald as a billiard ball. He had his bottle of beer with him. His eyes met Ennis’s in the mirror. “You lookin for company?” he asked.
“Lookin for a buddy of mine.” Ennis answered. The guy nodded and got up and left; much to Ennis’s relief.
He decided he needed to get out of there when he heard a familiar laugh. It was Jack; he was sure of it. This time he turned around to scan the crowd. The far back corner booth, two man stood up; arms around each other they began to dance to the slow music pulsating the dance floor. It was Jack smiling up at some guy with a beard.
Ennis made his way through the crowd and by the time he got over to them, Jack had rested his head on the guy’s shoulder. The guys back was to Ennis and he could only see the top of Jack’s head but he knew it was him. He had to reach up to grab the guy by the shoulders but he did it none the less. He grabbed him by his fancy western shirt and shoved him with all his might. The guy was so taken unawares that he stumbled back against the booth.
Jack stood staring at Ennis, his mouth open but no words coming out.
“I think this is our dance,” Ennis said. He didn’t know where those words came from, he certainly had not intended to say them but out they came. He reached his arms out and Jack stepped into them. They danced a few awkward steps not saying a word. Jack’s previous dance partner had gotten his balance back and made his way over to the bar.
“Could we just sit down and talk?” Ennis asked.
Jack nodded his head yes and they sat down in the booth across from one another.
“Ennis, what in the hell are you doing here? How’d you get here?”
“Why do you think I’m here? You can’t figure that out?” Ennis was brimming with emotions; jealousy, fury, fear of being found in a place like this; and most of all desire to have Jack back in his arms again.
“How’d you get away? I thought you wasn’t gonna be able to get away again until November?” Jack lit up a cigarette and took a long drag on it.
“I quit my job.”
“You quit? Why?”
“Ain’t that what you wanted me to do?”
“Ennis, I never asked you to quit your job.”
“The hell you didn’t! You been askin me to for near 20 years now. So I did and you don’t even remember askin? You forgot me that quick, Jack Twist?” He kept his voice low, barely above a whisper but it came out a snarl between clenched teeth. He was experiencing emotions like never before and didn’t want to lose it here in front of everyone. He eyed the big guy in the fancy shirt at the bar and saw him watching them.
“Asked! As in past tense. It’s too late now, Ennis.”
“The hell it is!”
“You had 20 years to make up your mind and you never would. So now I’ve found someone who will. He ain’t afraid to be seen with me, and we been out lookin at ranches round here. We’re gonna buy one shortly as soon as we decide which one we want.”
“You tell him ‘bout me? He know how you feel ‘bout me?”
“Ennis, why you doin this? Why’er you here?”
“I come to get you, Jack. To tell you, I wanna try this; whatever you wanna call it.”
Jack stared in disbelief and just shook his head. “You don’t mean that. You’re just sayin that ‘cause you saw me with him.”
“I quit my job, didn’t I? I come all this way to find you, didn’t I? I even danced with you in this crazy place in front of all these people, didn’t I?”
“And you expect me to just drop everythin and run off with you to Wyomin and do what, Ennis? Hide out somewhere?”
“No! You said you wanted to get a place so I been lookin. There’s a couple places over in Johnson County that can be bought for back taxes. Figured we might go over and have a look; see if the soil's any good. I paid $3,000 for my trailer three years ago. I done some improvements since then so I should be able to get at least that for it. I got my two horses I could sell and bring in maybe another $1,600 -- $1,800. My truck’d bring in about another $500. That'd be enough to pay off the last four months child support. You still wanna try and do somethin with me or not?”
Jack sat there speechless; hearing the words he had waited 20 years to hear and somehow he couldn’t bring himself to trust them.
“You already give your word to that fancy-assed dude at the bar starin at us; or do I still got a chance here?” Ennis stared Jack in the eye.
“Son of a bitch, Ennis! Why now? What’s changed? You gonna sit there and tell me you ain’t afraid no more?”
“Hell no, I ain’t gonna tell you that. I am afraid, I guess I always will be but the thought of losing you scares me more than the damn tire irons.”
Jack sat there playing with a napkin tearing it into little pieces only bringing his eyes up to meet Ennis’s every once in a while; like he couldn’t believe he was really there.
“So you got this all planned out, huh? You just come down here, get me and we take off together into the sunset?”
“Jack, I don’t know ‘bout any of that stuff. I just know I don’t want to lose you. I had the last four months to think things over. At first I was mad as hell at you and near drank myself to death tryin to get you outta my mind. Then somewhere along the way, I realized you was right; you been right all along. We got a right to be happy and the only thing in this world that makes me happy is bein with you. Hell, I don’t know how it’ll work out or even if it will but I know I gotta try this. It’s what I want and I thought it was what you wanted too but if you’ve already got my replacement lined up, just say so and I’ll get myself on out of here and you and your dude can get back to your dancin.”
“Damn you, Ennis! You are the most pig-headed person I ever knew!”
“Whut? What’d I do? I was kinda hopin maybe you’d be glad to see me.” Ennis tried a weak grin out from under his hat brim.
Jack heaved a great sigh and looked Ennis in the eye. “So how did you find me?”
“I went to Newsome’s Farm Equipment. Coupla guys were just leaving. They said you didn’t work there no more and one of them told me you hung out at this place.”
“Did you know what kinda place this was before you came in?”
“Hell no! I just sat down at the bar and ordered a beer till my eyes got used to the dark. ‘Fore I finished I got propositioned twice!”
“I’m not surprised.” Jack shook his head and fiddled with his shredded napkin.
The silence stretched out between them and Ennis began to fidget.
“Could we get out of here and go some place to talk?” Ennis asked nervously looking around.
“Why? I like it here. These people are my friends.” Jack gestured around the room where more than a few sets of eyes were watching them. He leaned back in his seat; chin up, expecting Ennis to insist they leave.
“OK. You wanna talk here; we can talk here.” Ennis took off his hat and placed in on the seat beside him. “You want a beer?”
“Nope.” Jack answered.
“Cigarette?” Ennis offered as he took one out and lit it for himself.
“Nope.”
Ennis looked around exasperated; then back to Jack. “All you gotta say is you ain’t interested and I’m outta here. Up to you.”
“You’re the one came all this way to talk; so talk.”
“Jack fuckin Twist!” he muttered under his breath as he took another look at the bar and saw Jack’s dancing partner still sitting there staring openly at them. “I already said what I come here to say. I was wrong. You was right. What I gotta do here, Jack? What more you want me to say?”
“Ennis, I don’t want you to say anything more than you want to say; I don’t want you to do any thing more than you want to do. This is your show.”
Ennis thought for a few minutes, looking around the room and wondered if coming here had been a mistake. He had been so sure that Jack would come flying into his arms; he never even considered that he might not.
“I don’t know what more I can say, Jack. You want me to say I’m sorry? All right; I’m sorry. I been a stubborn fool but mostly I been just scared. I don’t want nothin bad happenin to you or me neither. Do I got a chance here, Jack or did you really quit me?”
“Shit! Ennis … Hell, let’s get outta here. Jack picked up his hat from the table and headed towards the front door; Ennis right behind him. Jack stopped at the bar and said a few words to his friend; Ennis walked on over to the door and waited. They went out into the night together.
“Where’d you park. I left my truck at my apartment.” Jack asked.
“Round the side, over here.” Ennis led the way to his truck; unlocked it and they both got in. Ennis keyed the ignition and Jack reached over and turned it off.
“Not so fast.” Jack leaned back sideways against the door. “What exactly is it you came here for, Ennis?”
“Did you tell that fella in there good-bye?” Ennis refused to look at him.
“Let’s leave him outta this; shall we?”
“I’d like to. Permanently!” Ennis answered.
“He’s a nice guy, Ennis.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet he is. Probably paid more for that fancy shirt than I make in a month.”
“So you came here to see if I really did have someone else lined up? Is that why you’re here?”
“I come here to try and make things right between us, Jack. I was wrong to put you off so many times like I done. I know that. Jeeze, Jack. Haven’t you ever been scared … just so damn scared that you get all froze up inside?”
Jack looked away; he couldn’t stand the pain he saw in Ennis’s face. The cab of the truck was lit up only by the streetlight on the corner but even in the dim light he could see Ennis trembling and the fear in his eyes.
“That’s what it’s been like for me, Jack. I’m scared all the time. I’m scared they’ll come for me in the night and do me like they did Earl; or that I’ll hear that it’s happened to you.
Shit, Jack. I’d die if anything happened to you! I couldn’t fuckin stand it!” He sniffled and wiped his face on his shoulder.
“So why come here then?”
“You said some hard truths to me that night in my trailer. It took a while but it finally sank in. We was doin it all by my rules and that ain’t right. And if you got your heart set on this new fella then I’ll back off and head on back to Wyomin. But I just want to tell you that I ain’t never ever been ashamed of you; only been afraid, Jack; for both of us.
I always did want what you wanted, the two of us on a place together but I figured it was just askin for trouble.” He cleared his throat and when Jack said nothing, he went on.
“You been around a lot more than me, you know about places like this. I heard ‘bout ‘em but didn’t figure they really existed. Figured it was just talk. Other people in this town know about this place?”
“Sure. Everyone knows about it.”
“Ain’t never been no trouble cause of it?”
“Sometimes there is; but most times there isn’t.”
“Don’t think there’s places like this in Wyomin.” Ennis shook his head and looked out the window at another vehicle driving through the parking lot. The driver found a place to park and went inside, not even looking at them.
There was silence between them then, each lost in his own thoughts. Ennis finally broke the silence.
“Up to you, Jack. I can’t promise I won’t be scared but I can promise that I’ll stick it out and stand beside you if trouble comes. I’m willin to sell everythin I got to come up with a stake in a place; if you still wanna try. If not, just say so and I’ll get myself back on up to Wyomin where I belong.”
“I never figured you’d come down here lookin for me.” Jack looked over at him.
“I had to! I was goin crazy, Jack. Thinkin I’d never see you again; thinkin you were with some Texan instead of with me where you belong.”
“Before we make any decisions here I gotta tell you, Ennis. I been with him. You gotta know that. I ain’t keepin no secrets.”
Ennis turned his head and looked out the side window. The words hurt more than he expected. He figured they had been together but hearing it from Jack’s own lips was a pain he could hardly bear.
“Like I said. Up to you. Stay here with him or leave with me. Your decision.” Ennis turned back, eyes glued to Jack’s.
Jack reached over and turned the key in the ignition. “My place is a few blocks from here. Down that way.” He pointed off to the left.
Ennis put the truck in gear and headed out. In minutes they pulled up to a small apartment complex and drove around back to the entrance. They got out and headed up the concrete steps to the second floor. Jack unlocked the door, reached in and switched the light on as they went in.
"You want a beer?" Jack asked.
"Nope. Already had one." Ennis stood rooted to the middle of the living room floor.
"Well, sit down then." Jack offered and sat himself on the very edge of the couch, leaning forward with elbows on knees.
Ennis took a similar position on a chair opposite.
"Just what is it you expected to find when you got here?" Jack asked.
"Didn't know. Figured you might be just a little bit happy to see me. Guess I was wrong bout that, huh?"
Jack swallowed hard and had to break eye contact. He looked down at his hands laced together.
"You always been the one in control when it came to us, Ennis. Ain't no different now. Just say what you come all this way to say and get it over with."
"Already did. Only got one thing more to say and that's that was one hell of a long lonely drive. Don't know how you made it so many times."
"I'd a drove twice as far just to see you, Ennis." Jack looked up at him.
"Well, you gotta make a decision now. You want me or that fancy assed Texan? You gotta tell one of us good-bye for good tonight."
"How do I know you won't spook as soon as we get back up there and change your mind? I ain't about to spend my life hidin out in the woods, Ennis."
"Jack, I can't promise you I won't be scared, cause I am. But I can promise you that I want all them things you always talked about. And I want 'em with you. There ain't never been no one for me but you; never looked at another guy, never wanted another guy, never thought about another guy. You're it for me, Jack. Always have been and always will be."
Jack had to look away again. He couldn't stand the raw pain he was seeing in Ennis's face and hearing it in his words.
"You really willin to sell off all your stuff like that? I thought you loved those horses?"
"I do. But I love you more." It was out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about it. It was the first time he had said the words and it affected them both.
"You do huh?"
"I do. So bad I can't hardly stand it. I need you, Jack. Can't hardly even think of a life without you in it. I been messin up at work, forgettin things, almost drove off the road last week. I can't eat, mostly don't even sleep no more; just lay there thinkin about you, wonderin where you are and if you're with someone else."
"And you're OK with that; that I been with someone else?"
"Hell, Jack; what can I do about it? You want me to go fight the guy? I will if that's what you want."
"No, Ennis, that ain't what I want."
"It ain't his fault. I can't blame the guy for wantin you. I been wantin you for twenty years now. I know what that's like."
"The difference is, he ain't afraid to be seen with me." Jack's chin came out again.
"Well there is that, I guess." Ennis had to agree. "But he for sure won't never love you like I do."
Jack stood up then and started to pace.
"You gonna give me a chance here, Jack? I come all this way …"
"I drove all that way a hundred times and you never gave me a chance!" Jack whirled on him.
Ennis stood up and took it all. "You're right. Sure enough. I was wrong. I know that now." He took a few steps towards Jack but he turned away from him.
"I want a life, Ennis. I want to share a home with someone, I want to be able to drive around town and maybe stop someplace for a burger with someone. I ain't ashamed of what and who I am. I ain't hidin out with you no more."
"I agree." Ennis said quietly.
Jack turned around, not quite sure he heard right. "You agree?"
"I do. Jack, it never occurred to me that you were thinkin I was ashamed of you. It ain't never been that. I always just been scared that people would come after us if they knew."
"So what's different now?"
"Us. We're different. I'd rather them have at me with their tire irons than lose you. If I ain't got you then nothin else matters." He took a few steps closer and this time Jack didn't turn away. "I bought a gun. If you come back with me; I promise you, I'll look out for you; see no harm comes to you. I can do that, Jack."
"Oh God, Ennis!" Jack flung himself into Ennis's arms and held on tight. "You really that afraid?"
"I can take care of us! I can teach you how to shoot. We can take care of each other." Ennis choked out.
"I knew you was scared but I guess I never knew how much till now." He rested his head against Ennis's.
"Jack, we can do this if you want to. We can figure somethin out about where to live and how to stay safe. I figured we'd get us a couple a dogs and a good strong fence and…"
Jack kissed him then and cut off all conversation. Ennis put every bit of passion he had in him in that one kiss, backing Jack up against the couch and falling down on top of him.
Just a kiss though, that was as far as he was willing to go until he heard Jack say the words. When they broke for air they stared at each other. Jack made a move to get up and Ennis let him.
Jack walked over to the telephone, picked it up and dialed. “Benny, let me speak to Malone please.” Ennis stood in the middle of the floor and waited; not taking his eyes off Jack for a second.
“Randal, it’s me. I guess you know what’s goin on?”
(Pause)
“That’s about it.”
(Pause)
“Yeah, sure. I doubt it. Thanks a lot. For everything.” He hung up the phone and turned to face Ennis.
"That mean you dumped him?" Ennis asked hopefully.
"Uh huh. I'm takin you up on your offer, Ennis. I got a hitch on the back of my truck; we can hook your truck up and tow it back. When you wanna leave?"
"You mean it? You're comin back to Wyomin with me?" Ennis couldn't believe his ears.
"I am. We'll ride this one as far as it goes, Ennis. You're offerin me my twenty year dream; I sure as hell ain't gonna refuse."
Ennis smiled then; the first real smile he'd had on his face since their last time in the mountains. "How 'bout right now?" he asked.
"You don't wanna have dinner or rest up or nothin else?" He asked, mirroring Ennis's grin.
"Nope. I wanna get out of this shitty town like now; the sooner the better."
"OK. There's a U-Haul place about a mile from here. We'll go get the trucks hooked up. First I gotta get my shit together. Can we wait long enough for me to get my toothbrush?"
"I guess we can wait that long," Ennis agreed and followed Jack into the bedroom and bathroom as he threw his few things together.
In an hours time they were side by side in Jack's pickup heading north. It was all over now; the pain, the anguish of the separation. They would build a new life together which was all either of them had ever wanted.
THE END
Author: Donna McIntosh
Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Ennis and Jack
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Sex and bad language
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. If they were mine they’d be living happily ever after.
Summary: Jack has had enough and tells Ennis that they're through. Ennis refuses to accept it.
IT’S ALL OVER, ENNIS
Ennis stretched out in his bed and thought about the morning’s events. He and Jack had an awful fight and for the first time in their relationship said things that really hurt each other; both of them striking out trying somehow to fight this pain that dragged them both down. Down low enough to be shouting insults at one another, each blaming the other for their ‘bitch of a situation’ that they found themselves in.
He stubbed his cigarette out in the over-flowing ash tray and blew out his last puff of smoke towards the ceiling. He lay staring at the bare light-bulb hanging there. How could they have said such things to each other? Did Jack really wish he could quit him?
The make-up sex had been great and they held each other a long time afterwards; each lost in their own thoughts. Everything was back to normal; at least he hoped it was. He’d make it up to Jack in November. He’d get Don Wroe’s cabin and they’d get them an elk and it would all be OK again. Jack would see that; everything was going to be OK again. They just had to wait it out until November.
He heard the truck pulled up outside and the door slam but didn’t pay too much attention to it. His was the first trailer in the row and often people stopped to ask directions to a certain lot or to the trailer park office. The fist pounding on the door did get his attention though. He jumped up and pulled his jeans on cursing the park manager for giving him the space in front!
He opened the door and an angry Jack Twist pushed past him and came in.
“Ennis, I got somethin to say to ya so you’d better sit down.” Jack glared at him, standing ramrod straight with hands on hips.
“Jack! What the hell you doin comin here? Somethin wrong? Somethin happen?”
“Yeah, somethins happened; somethins happened to the last twenty years of my life is what; and it ain’t happenin no more!”
“Well sit down; say your piece.” Ennis motioned to the chair by the little table but Jack didn’t budge.
“Won’t be here long enough to do no sittin. I made up my mind, Ennis. It’s time to call it quits. I ain’t comin back here in November.”
“Jack, I thought we talked about this; got it all settled.”
“You did, Ennis. Just like you done the last 20 years. You say whats gotta be and I have to live with it.”
“I do too, Jack!”
“Yeah, but it’s your choice; not mine. It ain’t what I want; it ain’t never been about what I want. It’s always about what you want; what you decide.”
“It’s the way it’s gotta be.” Ennis shrugged hopelessly.
“Not it ain’t. I’m through lettin you make the decisions that I gotta live with. I’m through bein your dirty little secret!”
“Jack, it ain’t never been like that.”
“It’s been exactly like that! You’re so fuckin paranoid about what happened to that old neighbor of yours 30 years ago you’re throwin away any chance we might have had to make a life together.”
“But, Jack, it happened! I saw it!” Ennis protested.
“30 God damned years ago, Ennis!”
“It happened!”
“So it fuckin happened! So lets just shoot ourselves then and be done with it. I ain’t spendin the next 20 years like the last!”
Ennis leaned back against the kitchen sink and stared at him. “So this is it then? You’re quittin me?”
Jack turned away from him. He couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes; redness and filled with pain.
“I can’t do it no more, Ennis. I don’t want to. I want a life. I wanna be with someone who ain’t afraid to walk down the street with me; maybe grab a bite to eat in a restaurant or somethin. I wish with all my heart that it could be you but you don’t want that.”
“It ain’t that I don’t want it, Jack; it ain’t never been that.”
“It don’t matter whether you want it or don’t want it; it’s what you do or won’t do that counts and you ain’t never gonna let go of the past long enough to see that you coulda been with me all these years. We coulda had a good life together, Ennis; but I guess it just ain’t in the cards.” He ran out of steam; out of anger. The only thing left was the raw pain; the pain he saw streaming down Ennis’s face and knew that his was leaking out as well.
“It’s best to end it right now. I got almost all the way to Lightning Flat then turned around and came back. I had to tell you my decision. I couldn’t leave you thinkin I’d be comin back up here in November.”
Ennis just stared at him, speechless.
“I best be goin.” He reached for the door knowb and Ennis grabbed it first.
“What I gotta do?”
“You gotta let go of the door knob so I can leave.”
“What I gotta do to make you change your mind?”
“Nothin, Ennis. I ain’t askin you to do nothin; just step aside so I can get my ass outta here.”
“I ain’t got no say in this? None at all?” Ennis stood in front of Jack with his back to the door blocking Jack’s exit.
“There’s no use goin over it again and again, Ennis. You’ve had your say for 20 years now and we did it your way; what ever you wanted; how ever you wanted it. I’m through drinkin myself half to death every night pacin the floor with need. I NEED someone, Ennis! I NEED someone to be there for me; someone who ain’t ashamed of bein with me.”
“I ain’t never said I was ashamed of ya, Jack!” Ennis insisted.
“You don’t need to say the words, Ennis. Your actions speak louder than any words you could shout. You don’t wanna be with me in public; not no place where someone might see us together. I don’t care what your reasons are, it all boils down to the same thing – You don’t wanna be with me but for a few days a coupla times a year; out in the middle of nowhere, hiding like we was criminals or somethin, where no one can see us. That’s all you got in you to give. I can’t live like that no more. I ain’t gonna live like that no more. I’m gonna find me somebody who ain’t ashamed of bein seen with me; someone who’ll be willin to make a life with me. I ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life alone. Now will you please move so I can leave?”
“NO! I won’t! We had it all sorted out, Jack. What the hell happened?”
“You want things to go back the way they was; that’s gettin it sorted out for you. Well it ain’t for me! I don’t want things to be like they were. I’m goin back to Childress and I’m tellin Lureen I want a divorce. I’m done with liein, Ennis. An offer’s been made to me and so far I’ve turned it down. Well, I’m goin back and I’m gonna call him. He’s a nice guy and I like him a lot. Maybe I can find some happiness and peace with him. It won’t be you, Ennis, and I’ll never love him the way I love you but if I can’t have you; I’m sure as hell gonna have somebody. It might not be him but I’ll find somebody. I ain’t spendin the rest of my life waitin on somethin that ain’t never gonna happen with you.”
“Looks like you already made up your mind then.”
“I have. Now will you move please?”
“Is that what you wanna do? Just walk out on me?”
“Ennis, it’s late and I’m tired. I been drivin all day and I still got a long ways to go. I need to be gettin on down the road.”
“So that’s it? You just walk out the door and I never see you again? You set up housekeeping with some Texan?”
“That’s about it.”
“I got no say in this?”
“You’ve had your say; now it’s time for me to have mine.”
“And all you got left in you to say to me is good-bye?”
“Move, Ennis; I want outta here.” Jack tried for the door knob again but Ennis held his ground.
“Make me!”
“You want me to hit you?” Jack couldn’t believe his ears.
“You may as well; you’re killin me here walkin out on me.”
Jack stepped back a few paces, needing some space between them. He rubbed the back of his aching neck.
“We want different things out of life, Ennis. You can’t see passed your fear and you’re content to let it dictate how you live your life. I ain’t like that. I want what I want and I’m gonna have it with or without you. You don’t wanna be with me on a full-time basis so I guess it’s gonna be without you.”
“You want me to quit my job? Is that what you want? Cause that’s what I’d have to do to spend more time with you.”
“I ain’t askin you to do nothin, Ennis, ‘cept get outta my way so I can leave and get on with the rest of my life.”
“All a this is ‘cause I can’t get out to see you in August?”
“NO! I’ve just had it up to here with livin by your rules! If you loved me the way I love you, you’d be willin to compromise, give me a break now and then. But you don’t!”
“That ain’t true!”
“Don’t matter what’s true and what ain’t. I’m through, Ennis. Now are you gonna let me outta here or do I need to use the other door?”
Ennis walked back across the room. “Go ahead! Leave; if that’s what you want. Go back to your Texas boy friend. You gonna tell him ‘bout me? Does he know what he’s gettin? Does he know ‘bout Mexico? Or is that maybe where you met him?”
“Actually I met him at the country club. We set at the same table and I danced with his wife.”
“Good for you!” Ennis sneered.
“He’s a rancher and whenever we’re alone he asks me to go fishin with him, down to his cabin on the lake. I ain’t gone yet but I plan to when I get back.”
“Git on outta here then. Don’t keep him waitin. I’m warnin you though; you’d better watch your back.”
“OK. OK.” Jack shook his head and walked to the door. This time Ennis didn’t stop him. He stopped himself with his hand on the knob. “I did love you, Ennis; with all my whole heart. But I ain’t gonna love you no more.” He opened the door; stepped outside and closed it behind him.
Ennis heard the truck start up and drive off. He stood still as a statue; frozen in place. When he could finally move it was to take down the bottle of whiskey and drink. He drank and drank till it ran down the sides of his mouth and down his front. He drank until the bottle was empty. Then with one fierce grunt he heaved the empty bottle against the door. It smashed into a million pieces. He reached up, pulled the string on his light and lay down in bed; stiff as a board. He refused to think, refused to acknowledge or accept what had just happened. He was in that exact same position hours later when his alarm went off.
He got up, dressed, packed his lunch and went to work. All day long he thought about Jack and wondering if he was already back in Texas with his new boyfriend. In reality, Jack made it only as far as Denver when he stopped for the night at a motel. He bought a bottle of whiskey and drank the whole thing then passed out; not waking up until mid-day.
It was afternoon when Jack got on the road again. He drove, zombie-like, back to Childress just after the 10 o’clock news ended. Lureen had just turned off the TV and was running her tub when Jack came in. He went straight to the bar and fixed himself a stiff drink.
“Bad trip?” Lureen asked.
“Uh huh.” He answered without looking at her.
“I’m runnin my tub now; you can shower after if you want.”
“Go ahead. I’m in no hurry.” He finished that drink and fixed another.
“Folks OK?” She asked casually though she couldn’t help but notice Jack’s somber mood.
“Sure; why wouldn’t they be?” He sat down on the couch holding his glass against his forehead.
“Well don’t stay up all night drinkin. We got a meetin in the mornin with those people from Dallas. You haven’t forgotten; have you?”
“No, I haven’t forgotten. I’ll be at your meetin but afterwards you and me need to have a talk.”
“Sure thing. Right after the meetin. We can go to that new place over on Baker street for lunch.”
“It won’t be that kind of talk, Lureen. We best be doin it right here at home.”
“OK. Whatever. My tub’s ready. G’night.” She called to him as she walked back down the hall to her bathroom.
“Night.” He called in return and got up and fixed himself another drink; falling asleep hours later on the couch where he slept until Lureen woke him up the next morning.
****
FOUR MONTHS LATER
Ennis pulled into Newsome’s Farm Equipment just at closing time. Only two guys left and they were coming out the door and locking the place up. Neither one was old enough to be Lureen’s daddy so he guessed them to be salesmen.
“Excuse me,” he said walking up to them. “I’m looking for Jack Twist. Is he ‘round?”
The one guy snickered and went on over to his truck, keying the door opened. “He doesn’t work here any more.” He called over his shoulder.
“He don’t?” Ennis didn’t know what to do now. He certainly couldn’t go out to Jack’s house looking for him. “You know where I can find him?”
The second guy was a little bit nicer, “Don’t know where he’s working now but I hear he hangs out over at The Seven Seas downtown.” He eyed Ennis up good then got in his car and drove off.
Ennis turned back to his truck and got in. He drove around till he found a phone booth; got out and looked up The Seven Seas. He figured he’d find it in the bar section and sure enough, he did. He got the address over on Second Street and went looking till he found the little dark building. Just a small sign on the door and a few lights around front and that was it. It sure didn’t look like any bar he had ever been in before. He parked and went in.
It was dark inside with just small nautical lanterns sitting on each table and some indirect lighting behind the bar that lit up the wall length mirror. Across the top the words The Seven Seas and some fake waves were painted across the bottom. He found an empty stool and sat down. The bar tender looked up and walked over to him. “What’ll it be?”
“Beer,” Ennis answered.
A bottle was placed in front of him and he took a long drink. Looking around the place and trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness he noticed couples were shuffling around the dance floor to some soft music playing. He took another long drink and someone sat down beside him.
“Hello there, Cowboy. You new in town?” Some guy in his 20s sat smiling over at him.
“Uh huh,” Ennis answered, not paying any attention and just wishing the stranger would move away.
“I really like cowboys!” the young man said smiling at him.
Ennis turned to look at him, appalled and shocked by the obvious meaning of the words spoken. Another guy, closer to Ennis’s age stopped next to them, placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder and said, “Hey now, isn’t this our dance?”
“See you later, Cowboy?” The young man smiled at him again and walked off to the dance floor with the newcomer.
That was the first time Ennis had the chance to look around and actually see where he was. The bar was full, the dance floor was full and it was all men. Not a woman in the place. He stared at the couples dancing; men with their arms around each other dancing close, nestling in one another’s arms; couples sitting at tables and in booths around the parameter of the room holding hands, nuzzling one another. He was rigid with shock!
He turned around quickly, and gazed down at the bar in front of him. He was in one of those places! He gripped his bottle tightly and tried to figure out what to do. Should he run? Just take off and forget all about finding Jack? He glanced up at the mirror and tried once again to look around the room. Jack wasn’t in here; he couldn’t be! He wouldn’t come to a place like this; it was too dangerous! Still … that guy said Jack hung out here. Maybe he was here. Looking only in the mirror he tried to scan the place looking for Jack.
Another guy came up and sat down on the stool next to his. This guy was big; probably 4 or 5 inches taller than Ennis and at least 250 pounds. He was dressed from head to toe in black leather. Black boots, black leather pants and a black leather vest. His bare muscled arms showed tattoos and he had a small gold hoop ear ring; his head bald as a billiard ball. He had his bottle of beer with him. His eyes met Ennis’s in the mirror. “You lookin for company?” he asked.
“Lookin for a buddy of mine.” Ennis answered. The guy nodded and got up and left; much to Ennis’s relief.
He decided he needed to get out of there when he heard a familiar laugh. It was Jack; he was sure of it. This time he turned around to scan the crowd. The far back corner booth, two man stood up; arms around each other they began to dance to the slow music pulsating the dance floor. It was Jack smiling up at some guy with a beard.
Ennis made his way through the crowd and by the time he got over to them, Jack had rested his head on the guy’s shoulder. The guys back was to Ennis and he could only see the top of Jack’s head but he knew it was him. He had to reach up to grab the guy by the shoulders but he did it none the less. He grabbed him by his fancy western shirt and shoved him with all his might. The guy was so taken unawares that he stumbled back against the booth.
Jack stood staring at Ennis, his mouth open but no words coming out.
“I think this is our dance,” Ennis said. He didn’t know where those words came from, he certainly had not intended to say them but out they came. He reached his arms out and Jack stepped into them. They danced a few awkward steps not saying a word. Jack’s previous dance partner had gotten his balance back and made his way over to the bar.
“Could we just sit down and talk?” Ennis asked.
Jack nodded his head yes and they sat down in the booth across from one another.
“Ennis, what in the hell are you doing here? How’d you get here?”
“Why do you think I’m here? You can’t figure that out?” Ennis was brimming with emotions; jealousy, fury, fear of being found in a place like this; and most of all desire to have Jack back in his arms again.
“How’d you get away? I thought you wasn’t gonna be able to get away again until November?” Jack lit up a cigarette and took a long drag on it.
“I quit my job.”
“You quit? Why?”
“Ain’t that what you wanted me to do?”
“Ennis, I never asked you to quit your job.”
“The hell you didn’t! You been askin me to for near 20 years now. So I did and you don’t even remember askin? You forgot me that quick, Jack Twist?” He kept his voice low, barely above a whisper but it came out a snarl between clenched teeth. He was experiencing emotions like never before and didn’t want to lose it here in front of everyone. He eyed the big guy in the fancy shirt at the bar and saw him watching them.
“Asked! As in past tense. It’s too late now, Ennis.”
“The hell it is!”
“You had 20 years to make up your mind and you never would. So now I’ve found someone who will. He ain’t afraid to be seen with me, and we been out lookin at ranches round here. We’re gonna buy one shortly as soon as we decide which one we want.”
“You tell him ‘bout me? He know how you feel ‘bout me?”
“Ennis, why you doin this? Why’er you here?”
“I come to get you, Jack. To tell you, I wanna try this; whatever you wanna call it.”
Jack stared in disbelief and just shook his head. “You don’t mean that. You’re just sayin that ‘cause you saw me with him.”
“I quit my job, didn’t I? I come all this way to find you, didn’t I? I even danced with you in this crazy place in front of all these people, didn’t I?”
“And you expect me to just drop everythin and run off with you to Wyomin and do what, Ennis? Hide out somewhere?”
“No! You said you wanted to get a place so I been lookin. There’s a couple places over in Johnson County that can be bought for back taxes. Figured we might go over and have a look; see if the soil's any good. I paid $3,000 for my trailer three years ago. I done some improvements since then so I should be able to get at least that for it. I got my two horses I could sell and bring in maybe another $1,600 -- $1,800. My truck’d bring in about another $500. That'd be enough to pay off the last four months child support. You still wanna try and do somethin with me or not?”
Jack sat there speechless; hearing the words he had waited 20 years to hear and somehow he couldn’t bring himself to trust them.
“You already give your word to that fancy-assed dude at the bar starin at us; or do I still got a chance here?” Ennis stared Jack in the eye.
“Son of a bitch, Ennis! Why now? What’s changed? You gonna sit there and tell me you ain’t afraid no more?”
“Hell no, I ain’t gonna tell you that. I am afraid, I guess I always will be but the thought of losing you scares me more than the damn tire irons.”
Jack sat there playing with a napkin tearing it into little pieces only bringing his eyes up to meet Ennis’s every once in a while; like he couldn’t believe he was really there.
“So you got this all planned out, huh? You just come down here, get me and we take off together into the sunset?”
“Jack, I don’t know ‘bout any of that stuff. I just know I don’t want to lose you. I had the last four months to think things over. At first I was mad as hell at you and near drank myself to death tryin to get you outta my mind. Then somewhere along the way, I realized you was right; you been right all along. We got a right to be happy and the only thing in this world that makes me happy is bein with you. Hell, I don’t know how it’ll work out or even if it will but I know I gotta try this. It’s what I want and I thought it was what you wanted too but if you’ve already got my replacement lined up, just say so and I’ll get myself on out of here and you and your dude can get back to your dancin.”
“Damn you, Ennis! You are the most pig-headed person I ever knew!”
“Whut? What’d I do? I was kinda hopin maybe you’d be glad to see me.” Ennis tried a weak grin out from under his hat brim.
Jack heaved a great sigh and looked Ennis in the eye. “So how did you find me?”
“I went to Newsome’s Farm Equipment. Coupla guys were just leaving. They said you didn’t work there no more and one of them told me you hung out at this place.”
“Did you know what kinda place this was before you came in?”
“Hell no! I just sat down at the bar and ordered a beer till my eyes got used to the dark. ‘Fore I finished I got propositioned twice!”
“I’m not surprised.” Jack shook his head and fiddled with his shredded napkin.
The silence stretched out between them and Ennis began to fidget.
“Could we get out of here and go some place to talk?” Ennis asked nervously looking around.
“Why? I like it here. These people are my friends.” Jack gestured around the room where more than a few sets of eyes were watching them. He leaned back in his seat; chin up, expecting Ennis to insist they leave.
“OK. You wanna talk here; we can talk here.” Ennis took off his hat and placed in on the seat beside him. “You want a beer?”
“Nope.” Jack answered.
“Cigarette?” Ennis offered as he took one out and lit it for himself.
“Nope.”
Ennis looked around exasperated; then back to Jack. “All you gotta say is you ain’t interested and I’m outta here. Up to you.”
“You’re the one came all this way to talk; so talk.”
“Jack fuckin Twist!” he muttered under his breath as he took another look at the bar and saw Jack’s dancing partner still sitting there staring openly at them. “I already said what I come here to say. I was wrong. You was right. What I gotta do here, Jack? What more you want me to say?”
“Ennis, I don’t want you to say anything more than you want to say; I don’t want you to do any thing more than you want to do. This is your show.”
Ennis thought for a few minutes, looking around the room and wondered if coming here had been a mistake. He had been so sure that Jack would come flying into his arms; he never even considered that he might not.
“I don’t know what more I can say, Jack. You want me to say I’m sorry? All right; I’m sorry. I been a stubborn fool but mostly I been just scared. I don’t want nothin bad happenin to you or me neither. Do I got a chance here, Jack or did you really quit me?”
“Shit! Ennis … Hell, let’s get outta here. Jack picked up his hat from the table and headed towards the front door; Ennis right behind him. Jack stopped at the bar and said a few words to his friend; Ennis walked on over to the door and waited. They went out into the night together.
“Where’d you park. I left my truck at my apartment.” Jack asked.
“Round the side, over here.” Ennis led the way to his truck; unlocked it and they both got in. Ennis keyed the ignition and Jack reached over and turned it off.
“Not so fast.” Jack leaned back sideways against the door. “What exactly is it you came here for, Ennis?”
“Did you tell that fella in there good-bye?” Ennis refused to look at him.
“Let’s leave him outta this; shall we?”
“I’d like to. Permanently!” Ennis answered.
“He’s a nice guy, Ennis.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet he is. Probably paid more for that fancy shirt than I make in a month.”
“So you came here to see if I really did have someone else lined up? Is that why you’re here?”
“I come here to try and make things right between us, Jack. I was wrong to put you off so many times like I done. I know that. Jeeze, Jack. Haven’t you ever been scared … just so damn scared that you get all froze up inside?”
Jack looked away; he couldn’t stand the pain he saw in Ennis’s face. The cab of the truck was lit up only by the streetlight on the corner but even in the dim light he could see Ennis trembling and the fear in his eyes.
“That’s what it’s been like for me, Jack. I’m scared all the time. I’m scared they’ll come for me in the night and do me like they did Earl; or that I’ll hear that it’s happened to you.
Shit, Jack. I’d die if anything happened to you! I couldn’t fuckin stand it!” He sniffled and wiped his face on his shoulder.
“So why come here then?”
“You said some hard truths to me that night in my trailer. It took a while but it finally sank in. We was doin it all by my rules and that ain’t right. And if you got your heart set on this new fella then I’ll back off and head on back to Wyomin. But I just want to tell you that I ain’t never ever been ashamed of you; only been afraid, Jack; for both of us.
I always did want what you wanted, the two of us on a place together but I figured it was just askin for trouble.” He cleared his throat and when Jack said nothing, he went on.
“You been around a lot more than me, you know about places like this. I heard ‘bout ‘em but didn’t figure they really existed. Figured it was just talk. Other people in this town know about this place?”
“Sure. Everyone knows about it.”
“Ain’t never been no trouble cause of it?”
“Sometimes there is; but most times there isn’t.”
“Don’t think there’s places like this in Wyomin.” Ennis shook his head and looked out the window at another vehicle driving through the parking lot. The driver found a place to park and went inside, not even looking at them.
There was silence between them then, each lost in his own thoughts. Ennis finally broke the silence.
“Up to you, Jack. I can’t promise I won’t be scared but I can promise that I’ll stick it out and stand beside you if trouble comes. I’m willin to sell everythin I got to come up with a stake in a place; if you still wanna try. If not, just say so and I’ll get myself back on up to Wyomin where I belong.”
“I never figured you’d come down here lookin for me.” Jack looked over at him.
“I had to! I was goin crazy, Jack. Thinkin I’d never see you again; thinkin you were with some Texan instead of with me where you belong.”
“Before we make any decisions here I gotta tell you, Ennis. I been with him. You gotta know that. I ain’t keepin no secrets.”
Ennis turned his head and looked out the side window. The words hurt more than he expected. He figured they had been together but hearing it from Jack’s own lips was a pain he could hardly bear.
“Like I said. Up to you. Stay here with him or leave with me. Your decision.” Ennis turned back, eyes glued to Jack’s.
Jack reached over and turned the key in the ignition. “My place is a few blocks from here. Down that way.” He pointed off to the left.
Ennis put the truck in gear and headed out. In minutes they pulled up to a small apartment complex and drove around back to the entrance. They got out and headed up the concrete steps to the second floor. Jack unlocked the door, reached in and switched the light on as they went in.
"You want a beer?" Jack asked.
"Nope. Already had one." Ennis stood rooted to the middle of the living room floor.
"Well, sit down then." Jack offered and sat himself on the very edge of the couch, leaning forward with elbows on knees.
Ennis took a similar position on a chair opposite.
"Just what is it you expected to find when you got here?" Jack asked.
"Didn't know. Figured you might be just a little bit happy to see me. Guess I was wrong bout that, huh?"
Jack swallowed hard and had to break eye contact. He looked down at his hands laced together.
"You always been the one in control when it came to us, Ennis. Ain't no different now. Just say what you come all this way to say and get it over with."
"Already did. Only got one thing more to say and that's that was one hell of a long lonely drive. Don't know how you made it so many times."
"I'd a drove twice as far just to see you, Ennis." Jack looked up at him.
"Well, you gotta make a decision now. You want me or that fancy assed Texan? You gotta tell one of us good-bye for good tonight."
"How do I know you won't spook as soon as we get back up there and change your mind? I ain't about to spend my life hidin out in the woods, Ennis."
"Jack, I can't promise you I won't be scared, cause I am. But I can promise you that I want all them things you always talked about. And I want 'em with you. There ain't never been no one for me but you; never looked at another guy, never wanted another guy, never thought about another guy. You're it for me, Jack. Always have been and always will be."
Jack had to look away again. He couldn't stand the raw pain he was seeing in Ennis's face and hearing it in his words.
"You really willin to sell off all your stuff like that? I thought you loved those horses?"
"I do. But I love you more." It was out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about it. It was the first time he had said the words and it affected them both.
"You do huh?"
"I do. So bad I can't hardly stand it. I need you, Jack. Can't hardly even think of a life without you in it. I been messin up at work, forgettin things, almost drove off the road last week. I can't eat, mostly don't even sleep no more; just lay there thinkin about you, wonderin where you are and if you're with someone else."
"And you're OK with that; that I been with someone else?"
"Hell, Jack; what can I do about it? You want me to go fight the guy? I will if that's what you want."
"No, Ennis, that ain't what I want."
"It ain't his fault. I can't blame the guy for wantin you. I been wantin you for twenty years now. I know what that's like."
"The difference is, he ain't afraid to be seen with me." Jack's chin came out again.
"Well there is that, I guess." Ennis had to agree. "But he for sure won't never love you like I do."
Jack stood up then and started to pace.
"You gonna give me a chance here, Jack? I come all this way …"
"I drove all that way a hundred times and you never gave me a chance!" Jack whirled on him.
Ennis stood up and took it all. "You're right. Sure enough. I was wrong. I know that now." He took a few steps towards Jack but he turned away from him.
"I want a life, Ennis. I want to share a home with someone, I want to be able to drive around town and maybe stop someplace for a burger with someone. I ain't ashamed of what and who I am. I ain't hidin out with you no more."
"I agree." Ennis said quietly.
Jack turned around, not quite sure he heard right. "You agree?"
"I do. Jack, it never occurred to me that you were thinkin I was ashamed of you. It ain't never been that. I always just been scared that people would come after us if they knew."
"So what's different now?"
"Us. We're different. I'd rather them have at me with their tire irons than lose you. If I ain't got you then nothin else matters." He took a few steps closer and this time Jack didn't turn away. "I bought a gun. If you come back with me; I promise you, I'll look out for you; see no harm comes to you. I can do that, Jack."
"Oh God, Ennis!" Jack flung himself into Ennis's arms and held on tight. "You really that afraid?"
"I can take care of us! I can teach you how to shoot. We can take care of each other." Ennis choked out.
"I knew you was scared but I guess I never knew how much till now." He rested his head against Ennis's.
"Jack, we can do this if you want to. We can figure somethin out about where to live and how to stay safe. I figured we'd get us a couple a dogs and a good strong fence and…"
Jack kissed him then and cut off all conversation. Ennis put every bit of passion he had in him in that one kiss, backing Jack up against the couch and falling down on top of him.
Just a kiss though, that was as far as he was willing to go until he heard Jack say the words. When they broke for air they stared at each other. Jack made a move to get up and Ennis let him.
Jack walked over to the telephone, picked it up and dialed. “Benny, let me speak to Malone please.” Ennis stood in the middle of the floor and waited; not taking his eyes off Jack for a second.
“Randal, it’s me. I guess you know what’s goin on?”
(Pause)
“That’s about it.”
(Pause)
“Yeah, sure. I doubt it. Thanks a lot. For everything.” He hung up the phone and turned to face Ennis.
"That mean you dumped him?" Ennis asked hopefully.
"Uh huh. I'm takin you up on your offer, Ennis. I got a hitch on the back of my truck; we can hook your truck up and tow it back. When you wanna leave?"
"You mean it? You're comin back to Wyomin with me?" Ennis couldn't believe his ears.
"I am. We'll ride this one as far as it goes, Ennis. You're offerin me my twenty year dream; I sure as hell ain't gonna refuse."
Ennis smiled then; the first real smile he'd had on his face since their last time in the mountains. "How 'bout right now?" he asked.
"You don't wanna have dinner or rest up or nothin else?" He asked, mirroring Ennis's grin.
"Nope. I wanna get out of this shitty town like now; the sooner the better."
"OK. There's a U-Haul place about a mile from here. We'll go get the trucks hooked up. First I gotta get my shit together. Can we wait long enough for me to get my toothbrush?"
"I guess we can wait that long," Ennis agreed and followed Jack into the bedroom and bathroom as he threw his few things together.
In an hours time they were side by side in Jack's pickup heading north. It was all over now; the pain, the anguish of the separation. They would build a new life together which was all either of them had ever wanted.
THE END
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